03x07 - Michael Loves Lisa

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[music]

STACEY: Ow!

It hurts.

My butt muscles are spasming.

Ow, it hurts so bad.

I feel like a pretzel
gone wrong.

Ow, my buttocks.
- You'll be all right, Stacey.

Just take her
to the nurse's office.

Now you see,
that is a good example

of why yoga isn't for everyone.

I'll see you all next week.

- Poor Stacey.

Who gets hurt doing yoga?

- Bad stuff always happens
to Stacey.

- I know.

Remember when
she fell off the roof?

- And landed in that rosebush.

- Yes.

Okay.
That wasn't funny.

- No, not funny.

- Hey, I'm gonna go grab
a smoothie, wanna come?

- No, my next class
is that way.

- Oh, okay.
Later, Zoe.

- Bye.

- See ya.

- Why didn't you tell me

you were friends
with Lisa Perkins?

- Nice to see you, too.

- Do you realize how fine
that girl is?

- How fine is that girl?

- I don't know.

She's off the fine-o-meter.

- Well if you like her so much,
go ask her out.

- No.

She's got a boyfriend.

I respect the man code.

- She broke up
with her boyfriend.

- Lisa's a free agent?

- Uh-huh.

- How come you didn't tell me?

- What'd I just do?

- Oh, man.
Guys are gonna be

all over that girl.

I got to make my move.

Where did she go?

- That way, to get a smoothie.

- Yes!

Wait.

What do I say to her?

- Just be yourself.

You know, but funnier
and more charming.

- Right.

Wait.
I gotta hurry.

Can I borrow your Jet X?
- No.

My next class is all the way
across campus

and I don't wanna be late
'cause we're--

Yeah, I'll just walk.

CHASE: Oh-oh.
Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

- Come on.

Come on.

- Don't redline, man,

you'll blow your motor.

- I know how to drive.

- And hello, finish line.

My name is Chase Matthews,

or you can call me

the guy that just b*at
Logan Reese.

- Okay, you're the worst.

- Nope, I believe I'm the best,

as indicated
by the top 10 high scores

on your video game.

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're a real bad driver

when it's video game go-karts.

- And your point is?

- If it were the real deal,

I'd smoke you like a salmon.

- Okay.

A, I prefer my salmon poached,

and b, if we were driving
real go-karts,

I'd b*at you worse.

- Yeah, wanna bet?

- Anytime.

- Can you get yourself
a go-kart?

- I can if you can.
- Good.

Get one.
And meet me on the outdoor

basketball courts
Saturday, noon.

- It's on.
- Yeah, it's on.

- See you there.
- See you there.

Feels like one of us
should've walked away.

- It does, doesn't it?

- Ooh, I love
these bendy straws.

- Hey, what's going on, Lisa?

- Oh, hi, Michael.

- See you got yourself
a smoothie.

Good call.

Like lunch in a cup.

- Lunch in a cup.

- [chuckles]

- So, I didn't know
you had a pink Jet X.

- Ah, no, no, no, no.

See, this isn't really my--

[alarm blares]

I think
I might have set off the alarm.

Don't worry.

Uh...
[laughs]

[alarm continues blaring]

Come on, stop it, Jet X.

[laughing]

[quietly]
You're k*lling me here.

[engine won't turn]

- What's the matter?

- Ah, nothing.
Nothing.

- Is your zipper
stuck to the seat?

- No.
[chuckles]

- Hey, that dude's zipper's
stuck to his seat.

[laughs]

- Do you want me to call
the janitor?

- No.
No.

Everything's fine.

I'm just gonna--

[alarm continues blaring]

I gotta--

Bye.

[alarm continues]

LOLA: Whoo!
Yeah.

Keep going.

Fifty-five seconds.

One minute.

- Give me another one.

- Oh, come on.

There's no way you can do six.

- Toss it here.

Ready?
- Go.

[knock on door]

ZOEY: Hey, it's me.

Open the door.

- We're doing something.

Use your key.

ZOEY: I forgot my key.

- Well, can you
come back later?

ZOEY: Open the door.

- We were trying to set
a PCA hula-hoop record.

- I'm sorry.

[sighs]

Why can't I ever remember
my key?

- Just start wearing it
around your neck again.

It was cute.

- You got any paint?

- Pink and white and a brush.

- Thank you.

[beep]

- What was that?

- That was me.

- Why'd you bring my Jet X
in here?

- Somehow it got caught
in my zipper.

[laughter]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

there is nothing funny
about a young man

with a scooter
caught in his pants.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yes, there is.

- There really is.

- How'd it happen?

- It's her fault.

- How's it my fault?

- You went and got me

all excited about Lisa,

and then I got nervous.

- You like Lisa?

Oh, how cute.

- It's not cute.

I can't even talk to the girl

without something
like this happening.

Quinn, do something.

Can you get this off me?

- Oh.

Here, these can cut through

just about anything.

Be careful.

- I understand.

Wish me luck.

- Good luck.
LOLA: Good luck.

- Oh, I feel so bad for him.

- Hmm, worse comes to worse,

he can just take off the pants.

- No, I mean,
the whole Lisa thing.

LOLA: I know.

He totally loves her.

- Wait, isn't Michael

gonna sing at open mic night?

- Yeah.
So?

- We should invite Lisa.

- Oh, yeah,
girls are total suckers

for guys who can sing.

- Yeah and Michael's cute.

He's funny.
He's smart.

MICHAEL: Ow.

Ow!

Oh.
Oh!

[alarm blaring]
Get it off.

Get it off of me.

It's heavy.
Please.

Hey--ow, ow!

It's puttin' pressure
on my pancreas.

- Don't struggle!

- You'll only make it worse!

- Student down.

Student down.

Please.
A student down, please.

- Hi, Chase.
What'cha doing?

Assembling something?

- Ah, yeah.

What's up with the crutches?

- I had a little accident
in yoga class.

I sprained my left glute.

- Oh, well,
I'm sorry about your glute.

- It's okay.

So, what is that?

- It's almost a go-kart.

Logan challenged me
to a race on Saturday.

- Really?

I think Logan is so hot
and spicy.

I mean, seriously.
- Yeah.

Well, he's gonna lose the race
this Sat--

[horn honks]

- Afternoon, Chase.

Nice, uh, lawnmower.

- I'm using it as parts
for my go-kart.

- Ah, cute.

- So, where did you get
that thing?

- Oh, this is just my little


- Ninety-five cc's?

That sounds like
some serious horsepower.

- I thought we were supposed
to build a go-kart.

- Nope, we never said that.

The rules were we each get
a go-kart

and then we race.

So, good luck
with your lawnmower.

See you Saturday.

- Wait.

Ah, what's your hurry,
Speed Racer?

Logan, don't you wanna
take me for a spin

in that sweet machine?

Wait, Logan.

Come back!

I'm so much fun
to spend time with!

Don't listen to what people say.

Logan!
I'm wearing lip-gloss.

[music, cheers and applause]

BOY: All right.
You guys are gonna hear

a lot more singers here
at PCA's open mic night.

[applause]

- Yeah.

- Before I move on,
I'd like to thank

a few of our sponsors
here at PCA.

There's Kazu from Sushi Rocks.

[cheers and applause]

I'd also like to thank
the PCA drama department

who helped us put together
this stage--

- Hey.
You up next?

- Yep.

Prepare your ears for ecstasy.

I'm about to sing it up.

- Good. 'Cause guess who's
sitting front row?

- Great.

- Lisa?
- Yeah.

I told her she had to come
hear you sing.

- Why?

- 'Cause you're an awesome
singer.

Girls love guys who can sing.

- Come on.
I can't even talk

in front of that girl.

How am I supposed to sing?

- Will you relax?

- Okay.
Next up is a three-time

open mic night champion
here at PCA.

So let's rattle some hands
for the Music Man.

It's Mr. Michael Barret!

[cheers and applause]

LOGAN: All right, Michael!

GIRL: Go, Michael!

[cheers and applause]

- You can't leave.

- Move.

- No.

- Zoey--

[cheers and applause]

BOY: Do it, Barret!

[cheers and applause]

- Michael!

GIRL: All right, Michael!

[cheers and applause]

BOY: Michael, you're so pretty!

- [laughs]

Thanks.

Thank you, guys.

Um...

This is a new song.

Some of you may have heard it

or maybe not.

I don't know what you listen to.

[laughs]
Uh...

anyway,

here I go.

[upbeat music]

♪ It's ha-- ♪

[music continues]

♪ It's ha-- ♪

[ahem]

♪ It's ha-- ♪

♪ Eh-- ♪

- Why isn't he singing?

- I don't know.
- Shh!

[music continues]

- ♪ It's ha-- ♪

[music continues]

BOY: Sing, Michael, sing!

[music continues]

- Oh, my god.

- Is he gonna--

- [retches]

- Oh!

- Oh, gross.

[liquid splashing]

- Oh, he threw up!

- Eww, it's on my shoes.

- [groans]
- Michael.

[overlapping shouting]

[Michael coughs]

[sad flute melody]

♪ ♪

- Michael?

Michael.

[flute music continues]

♪ ♪

Hello.

- What?

- Why'd you ditch
basketball practice?

- I'm too depressed to dribble.

- You're making too big a deal
out of this.

- I threw up
on the girl of my dreams.

- Just a little bit
on her shoes.

- Why did I have to have
Indian food for lunch?

And why did you have to invite
Lisa to open mic night?

- I was trying to help.

- Well, you helped me
into a deep depression.

- I'm sorry.

What do you want me to do?

- Make Lisa love me.

- Oh, Michael.

- Please?

I love her, so please fix this.

- I'll do what I can.

- Thank you.

[sad melody continues]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Lisa.

- Oh, hey, Zoey.

- So, did you get the vomit
off your shoes?

- No.
I threw 'em out.

You know, the memories.

Ugh!

- Yeah.

Michael feels really bad
about it.

- Oh, he shouldn't.

- Really?
- Yeah.

'Cause when Michael threw up
on my shoes--

- Yeah?

- He got some--ugh--

bits on the pants of the guy
who was sitting next to me.

- Okay.

- And when we went outside
to get cleaned up,

we started talking,
and I swear, Zoey,

it was like
love at first sight.

- Oh.

Awesome.

- I know.

GREG: Lisa.

- Oh, here he comes.

- What's up, buttercup?
- Hey.

- Am I too late for yoga?

- No, not at all.

Greg, this is Zoey.

Zoey, Greg.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Zoey's good friends

with the guy that vomited
on you.

- Oh.

Well, I owe him big time.

If he hadn't barfed on my pants,

I'd have never met Lisa.

- Oh, how sweet is he?

- Yeah.

Well, I'll let you guys
do your yoga.

- Wanna join us?

- No.

I got a friend in the closet.

- Ready, Reese?

- Hey.

You showed up.

I was starting to think
you were gonna punk out.

- I do not punk out, my friend.

- Good.

So where's your little
lawnmower mobile?

- Here comes Quinn and Lola
with it right now.

[whooping, applause]

- Hey, Chase.

- What'd you do
to your go-kart?

- Uhm, I'll let
my mechanic answer that.

Quinn.

- I re-bored the cylinder head,

modified the intake valves

on the injection system,

added a blower, and installed

a five-pound nitrous t*nk.

- I put those stickers on.

- Wait a second.

I say
some of those modifications

are against the rules.
- Nope.

I believe the only rules were
we each get a go-kart

and then we race.

So, let's get it on.

[crowd whooping]

STACEY: Logan, you're hot and
spicy.

- All right.
- All right.

- What do I do?

- Just press the gas pedal
and steer.

If you need extra speed, push
this red button.

- But I'm afraid
of the red button.

- Don't be a baby.

[engine revving]

- Oh dear god.

- You'll be fine.

[revving engine]

ALL: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go!

Go, go, go!

- Ready?

ALL: Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go!

- On your marks.

Get set.

Go!

[overlapping shouting]

QUINN: Come on, Chase!

Drive like a man!

- [sobbing]

- I'm sorry.

- How could she get
another boyfriend

in less than 24 hours?

- It was just bad luck.

She and this guy just bonded

after you threw up on them.

- Oh.

I drove Lisa
into another man's arms

with my own vomit.

[plays haltingly
while sobbing]

- You can't solve your problems
with sad flute music.

- I can try.

♪ ♪

QUINN: Go, go, go, go, go!

[overlapping shouting]

- Come on, Chase!

Drive like a man!

STACEY: Go, Logan Reese!

Fly on the wings--

[revving engines]

GIRL: Come on, come on, come on,

come on.

Come on, Chase!

GIRL: Go, Chase, go!

GIRL: Go, Logan!

- Chase!

- Let's go!

Logan!

[soothing music]

- [sobbing]

- You're overreacting.

Look. I mean,
she hasn't even been dating him

a whole day yet.

Maybe it won't work out.

Maybe they'll just--

- [gasps]

- Well, thanks a lot.

- For what?

- For bringing me here
and forcing me

to watch the girl of my dreams
eat a jiggly dessert

with another guy who's not me.

- I didn't know they'd be here.

- Well, there they are.

- Do it, Chase, go!

[wheels screech]

STACEY: Logan, I love you.

QUINN: Come on, Chase!

Smoke him!

- This is their final lap.

GIRL: Come on, guys!
Step on it!

[overlapping shouting]

- Chase, hit the red button!

Hit the red button!

[Chase whimpering]
LOGAN: Hey.

Hey wait.

QUINN: Chase wins.
Yay, Chase!

- We won!
Chase won!

- I saw!

CHASE: Ah, okay.
How do I stop this?

Oh-oh.

- Where is he going?

- [screams]

Please!

- Uh-oh.

- Peek-a-boo.

- [laughs]
- Peek-a-boo.

Where's Lisa?

Where's Lisa?

Peek-a-boo.

[music]

- Michael.
Michael, people are staring.

- Let 'em stare.
I don't care.

- Aah!

- Hey, what's goin' on?

- Is that Chase?

- That's Chase.
- That is Chase.

- He's gonna run into Lisa.

- Greg.

Greg!

- [screaming]

- Oh my god!

- Oh my god!

- Greg!

[Chase screaming]

- He's gonna hit Lisa!

[engine powers down]
[Chase grunting]

- You just saved my life.

- No.

No, I didn't.

Yeah.
[chuckles]

Well, yes, I did.

GREG: You okay, buttercup?

Lisa?
Lisa, what are you doing?

Stop it.
Lisa, quit it.

Come on.

[stammers]

- ♪ It's hard to wake up ♪

♪ When you're feelin' low ♪

♪ The best thing to do ♪

♪ Is to let it go ♪

- ♪ Pick up the pace ♪

♪ And you'll lose ♪

♪ That dark cloud ♪

♪ Kick off your shoes ♪

♪ Play the music loud ♪

- ♪ So don't be a victim ♪

♪ Or play the pawn ♪

BOTH: ♪ It's time to come on
strong ♪

♪ Let's turn Monday ♪

♪ Into Saturday ♪

♪ And pull the sun ♪

♪ From out of the gray ♪

♪ Only you can make a choice ♪

♪ To be silent ♪

♪ Or to have a voice ♪

- I have a voice.

- ♪ Oh-oh ♪

- ♪ Hmm ♪

- ♪ Don't think alone ♪

♪ Share it out loud ♪

♪ You can still be yourself ♪

♪ And be part of the crowd ♪

- ♪ Even when you're not sure ♪

♪ Be positive ♪

♪ If you don't know ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ You can still give ♪

- ♪ So don't be a victim ♪

- ♪ Or play the pawn ♪

BOTH: ♪ It's time to come on
strong ♪

- ♪ Ooh, oh, oh ♪

BOTH: ♪ Let's turn Monday ♪

♪ Into Saturday ♪

♪ And pull the sun ♪

♪ From out of the gray ♪

[cheers and applause]

[music continues]

- Yes!

[dings]

MAN: Mm.

STACEY: Ow, my buttocks!