03x17 - Strained Peas

[bunniefuu]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Man ]
Viewer beware.

You're in for a scare.

Goosebumps.

[ Girl ] I'm telling you, Nick.
Your life is over.

The minute your parents come
through that door with a new baby,

they're not even
gonna know you're here.

- It won't be that bad. We talked
about this stuff. - I'm serious.

I could get kidnapped
by flying saucers,

and my folks wouldn't notice till
it's my turn to take out the trash.

But you've got three brothers
and two sisters.

- I'm only getting one little baby sister.
- A baby sister!

That's the worst!
She's all pink and cute and cuddly.

How are you supposed
to compete with that?

- Hmm.
- [ Car Horn Honking ]

They're here.

Be afraid, Nick.
Be very afraid.

- Hello!
- Welcome home!

- Oh, here she is!
- Nicholas,

- meet your little sister Grace.
- [ Cooing ]

Amazing. Hey, Grace.

- I'm your big brother Nicholas.
- [ Crying ]

Sounds like a hunger cry to me.
I'm outta here.

- Congratulations, folks.
- Thanks, Sam.

Oh. Hey, hey.
You be careful on that thing.

- Good luck, Nick.
- Call ya later.

Bye, Sam. Mmm.

My, she is hungry.
I'm gonna take her upstairs.

- Oh! Let's go to your room.
- [ Crying ]

[ Snarling ]

[ Crying ]

[ Grace Crying ]

[ Crying Continues ]

[ Groans ]

Doesn't she ever sleep?

- [ Groans ]
- [ Crying Continues ]

It's been months already.

I suppose you need changing again.

- [ Crying ]
- Ew! Smells like it.

I think sometimes more comes
out of you than goes in.

[ Crying ]

- [ Belches ]
- Ooh! Gross!

- Oh!
- She did it again.

- Oh, she didn't do it on purpose, honey.
- Wanna bet?

Don't be silly. Get yourself
cleaned up and get to bed.

- Easy now.
- She's a baby barf factory.

- Oh! Yeah.
- [ Cooing ]

You're not a baby
barf factory, are ya?

She's only good for two things:

- Crying and filling her diaper.
- Hate to say, "I told ya so."

- But--
- I know. I know.

My parents even bought me a
CD player to bribe me into liking her.

Lucky! You're still in the
buy-him-off-with-the-cool-stuff phase.

If you can hold that off till
Christmas, you'll really cash in.

I don't wanna cash in. I just want
my stupid baby sister to just go away.

- You just wish they'd never brought
her home. - I didn't say that.

- But you've thought of it plenty of times,
haven't you? - It's not just that.

It's the way she looks at me sometimes.
Like she's doing this stuff on purpose.

Nick, this is only the beginning.

You've got years of this
to look forward to.

Thanks. I feel much better.

Here's that CD. Now we can
play it at the science fair...

To show how music affects Stanley's
time going through the maze.

- [ Heavy Metal ]
- What do you think, Stand? [ Humming ]

- [ Music Stops ]
- Would you give me a break, you two?

- I just got Grace to sleep.
- Sorry, Mom.

- [ Grace Crying ]
- Would you try and settle her down?

I'll try. Look at the cool toys.
What a lucky girl.

Look at the pretty colors.

You're working way too hard
at this big brother stuff.

- You're older than her. You always will be.
That's true.

- [ Coos ]
- You gotta call the sh*ts.

If you don't, she'll keep playing
this "little princess" game forever.

But she gets
all the attention anyways.

[ Baby Talk ]

"Only me"? Grace?

[ Cooing ]

- Sam, look at this!
- Look at what?

Look. Graced spelled out
the words "only me."

- Yeah. Right, Nick.
- What do you mean, "only me"?

You sure you're not seeing things?

- I can read, Sam.
- Hmm.

What are you trying
to do to me, Grace?

[ Sighs ]
Gotta blast. Later, Nick.

[ Creaks ]

[ Grace Cooing, Laughing ]

[ Clattering ]

[ Groans ]

Whoa!
[ Groans ]

[ Groaning ]

- [ Engines Starting ]
- [ Gasps ]

- [ Grace Laughing ]
- [ Engines Revving ]

- [ Grace Laughing ]
- Grace?

- What are you doing?
- [ TV: Tires Skidding ]

- [ Man On TV, Indistinct ]
- [ Laughs ]

Give it to me. Give it to me!

- Give it! Let go!
- You're history, big brother.

[ Laughing ]

[ Engine Starting ]

Nicholas, what in the world?
It's 3:00 in the morning!

I know! Grace was watching racing.
She talked to me.

Oh, don't be ridiculous!
What's the matter, sweetheart?

- Come on to mommy.
- [ Engine Revs ]

- I was sure I heard her.
- Never mind. The television.

Look at you!
And the kitchen is a disaster!

But I didn't do it!
It was Grace!

She can barely crawl.

I'll get her up to bed.
Come on, sweetheart.

I know this sounds impossible,

but I'm telling the truth.

This has gone far enough. Now,
I know you're having trouble adjusting,

but to create a situation like this
and then blame it on an innocent baby.

But, Dad, she did it.

- I was totally asleep!
- That's enough!

If you're not gonna tell me the truth,
we've got nothing to talk about.

- I want you to clean up the kitchen and
get to bed. - You have to believe me.

Nick, stop it.

- Kitchen. Bed.
- [ Sighs ]

My parents think I tried
to blame it on Grace,

but she was the one
trying to blame it on me.

You gotta admit, Nick,
it sounds pretty weird.

- So you think I did it too.
- Get real!

A baby Grace's age can't
do all those things.

- It's impossible.
- I saw her.

Maybe you were sleepwalking
or something.

Ha! There. You see?
This proves it.

Nick, you need help.

- All I need is a new baby sister.
- I gotta go.

I'll see you at school, okay?

Hello, baby Grace,
or whatever your name is.

You left this at the scene
of the crime.

You may have everyone else fooled
with this innocent baby act,

but you and I know
exactly what's going on.

Talk to me!
We both know you can.

Ah! You're not getting away
with this, understand?

[ Grunting ]

- [ Groans ]
- Soon I'll be the only one.

Ha! You talked! And now
I have the proof I need.

Got ya now, babe.
Now you're the one who's history.

I don't know who or what she is,
but she's not my sister.

- How can you say a thing like that?
- 'Cause it's true!

- She doesn't even look like anyone
in our family. - Babies change...

From day to day--
Their hair color, their eyes.

- Her eyes glow like headlights.
- Her eyes didn't glow. It was the toy.

I don't care! She's out
to get me and I can prove it.

Just listen to this.

[ Nick On Tape ]
Talk to me! We both know you can.

Well, you're not getting away
with this. Understand?

[ Distorted ]

- [ Mutters, Sighs ]
- [ Tape Fast-forwards ]

- [ Mutters ]
- [ Tape: Distorted Sounds ]

[ Mutters, Groans ]

But she talked! I heard her!
I recorded it!

That thing is not our baby!

Nicholas!

What the--

[ Dripping ]

Huh?

I don't get it.

She ate my math book.

[ Cooing ]

You're not getting away with this!

- [ Hisses ]
- Ow! My finger!

- [ Laughs ]
- Ow!

- What now?
- She bit my finger!

- You can see her little teeth marks.
- Oh!

Nick, she doesn't even have teeth.

She ate my math book.

Nick, I think it's time we talked
about maybe getting you some help.

Dad, I don't need some head doctor.

We have to find out
who this thing belongs to...

- Before someone really gets hurt.
- Nick.

Go to your room.

This is great.
My parents think I'm crazy.

Nicholas.

Your mother and I have
had a serious discussion...

- About this situation.
- And you're gonna get rid of her.

[ Laughs ]
No. Of course not.

We just thought it would be best

if you went to stay with
your grandparents for a while.

- That's just until you've had time to
sort things out. - You can't do this!

- This is what she wants you to do.
- Nicholas, would you please...

Be reasonable about this.

She wants to get rid of me! She wants
to be the only one! She told me herself!

- [ Phone Ringing ]
- Can you believe this?

I'll get it.
This is not up for debate, young man.

- [ Ringing Continues ]
- You're going.

I know it's hard to believe,
but you have to.

Sweetheart, if you just gave
yourself some time to think about it,

you would find out
it's all in your head.

Did you call Dr. Campbell?

I figured if he took a closer look
at the Grace thing,

he'd find out it was weird
and it's not ours.

- You didn't.
- He did.

He told them he gave us
the wrong baby.

- Now he wants to meet us down
at the hospital. - Tonight?

I told him we'd be right down.

- There, you see? He believes me.
- He said no such thing.

He probably wants to know how
we're dealing with this situation.

[ Sighs ]
I'll call Tina.

- See if she can babysit.
- No. Nicholas can babysit.

You're not gonna leave me
alone with that thing, are you?

That's exactly what we're doing.

I trust you, Nicholas.
I know I can count on you.

[ Cooing ]

- Thanks for comin' over.
- No big deal.

But you should've called me
before you called the doctor.

"Help, doctor! My baby sister's
from another planet!"

I had to do something.

You don't know
what she's capable of.

Sure, Nick.
Whatever you say.

[ Cooing ]

I can hear you, Grace.
Be good.

[ Squealing ]

Come on, Stanley.
This is for school.

Let's see if he does
any better with the music.

Hey! You could've taken
better care of my CD.

Thanks a lot, Nick. Your stupid
gerbil is supposed to listen to my CD,

- not eat it.
- Stanley didn't get anywhere near it.

[ Cooing ]

- It must've been Grace.
- She doesn't have teeth yet.

Yes, she does.
She already bit me.

I'm outta here, space cadet.

- Let me know when the shuttle lands.
- Sam, wait! Listen!

It's bad enough to let
your stupid rat eat my CD.

But blaming it on the baby?
That's really lame.

First of all, Stanley's a gerbil,
not a rat.

And, second of all,
she's not my sister!

- [ Clattering ]
- [ Groans ] Now what?

Oh, no.

Here we go again.

Mom and Dad are gonna
think I did this.

What the-- Grace!

[ Crashing, Clattering ]

I'm not taking the blame
for this, Grace!

[ Feedback Squawks ]

Come on out, Grace!
The fun's over!

This has gone too far, Grace!

- Grace!
- [ Footsteps ]

[ Rattling ]

I know you're in here, Grace,

or whatever you call yourself.

Better come out.

Stanley?

- [ Squealing ]
- Stanley, get back here.

Oh, no.

[ Squealing ]

I know you're in here.

- [ Growls ]
- You ate my gerbil.

She ate my gerbil!

[ Belches ]

- [ Grace ] Whee!
- [ Groans ]

You can't get away from me, Grace!

Grace!

Let me in there, Grace!
Let me in there!

[ Grunts ]
Grace!

- Grace, no!
- [ Laughs ]

"Only me"?

What a good girl.
So smart.

- So strong.
- [ Belches ]

[ Squealing ]

- [ Crying ]
- [ Squealing ]

[ Groaning ]

- [ Grace Laughing ]
- [ Squealing ]

- [ Crying ]
- Hold still, little monster.

- [ Grace Crying ]
- This looks bad, doesn't it?

[ Grace Crying ]

Dr. Campbell said
it was all a terrible mistake.

A computer error or something.

- I told you she wasn't ours.
- You were right, son.

- Sorry we doubted you.
- It's okay. So who's got our baby?

Sounded like the doctor
called them from the hospital.

- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- That must be them now.

[ Grace Cooing ]

- Hello.
- Baby.

Cool car.
Who's in the back?

Parents.

- Good-bye, Grace.
- [ Coos ]

Bye, sweetie.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, isn't she beautiful?

She looks just like my sister Chloe.

She does.
Let's call her "Chloe."

Ah! "Chloe" it is.

- Welcome home, Chloe.
- Can I hold her?

Sure. There you go.

Yeah. He's got ya.

- He's got ya.
- Who picked out your clothes?

- Aw, look, darling. She looks just like me.
- So cute.

- [ Kissing ]
- She has got your eyes.

Hey, baby Chloe.
I'm your big brother Nicholas.

Cut that baby talk
and give me some food.

- None of that mushy junk.
- [ Sighs ]