[upbeat orchestral music]
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Can't do a little,
'cause he can't do enough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ He's your friend
when things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪
[mysterious dramatic music]
[machine clicking]
- Oh! It's a message
from headquarters.
- Yeah! A message
from headquarters!
- What could they want with me?
Urgent to Witchiepoo.
Boss Witch will arrive
on inspection tour.
- Inspection tour?
- Will visit Living Island.
- Living Island.
- For first time.
[cane bangs]
[audience laughs]
- What are you, an echo?
I don't need you to repeat
that Boss Witch is...
Boss Witch is coming here?
[audience laughs]
Oh! On an inspection tour?
Oh! Oh!
- Please, Witchiepoo, calm down!
- "Calm down," he says!
The Commander in Chief of
all Witchdom is coming here
for the first time and
he says "Calm down!"
[audience laughs]
- Why'd you say it, Orson?
- Oh this is terrible!
This is awful!
We'll never be ready!
[cane boinks]
I'll fail the inspection test.
I'll be a washed-up,
ditched witch
without a wand to witch with!
- Hey that's good, Chiefy.
Now why don't you try "Peter
Piper Picked a Peck of-"
[cane bangs]
- Will you shut
up you, dumb-dumb?
My whole future's at stake.
I've got to get ready
for the inspection.
I've got to let the
whole island know
the Boss Witch is coming!
[machine whirs and bangs]
Calling all evil trees,
tombstones and mushrooms,
this is your gorgeous leader.
Now hear this! Boss Witch is
coming! Boss Witch is coming!
- [Trees] We're listening,
O gorgeous leader.
- Trees, comb your leaves
and polish your roots.
- Roger!
- Witchiepoo.
- Comb and polish.
- Tombstones, get scrubbed up.
And you, douse that cigar.
- Anything you say, Chief.
- And I'll be down to check
on ya later. Over and out.
[audience laughs]
- Attaboy, Chiefy.
That's telling them!
- Well, what are you
standing there for?
We've got tons of work to do.
The castle's a mess.
We've gotta clean,
scrub, polish, wash.
Well, just don't
stand there! Move!
[playful upbeat music]
- Witch alarm! Witch alarm!
Boss Witch is coming!
Boss Witch is coming!
Witch alarm! Witch alarm!
- Hold it! Hold it!
You mean the Boss Witch is
coming here to Living Island?
- Right! She's coming to
inspect Witchiepoo's castle.
- Oh my! That's awful. Terrible!
- Who's the Boss Witch?
- She's the Commander in
Chief of all Witchiedom.
- Boss Witch is coming!
Boss Witch is coming!
Boss Witch is coming!
Boss Witch is coming!
- Boy, that's all we
need, another witch.
- What's gonna happen?
- Don't rightly know.
I better sound our witch alarm
and get everyone together.
Let's hurry! This
is a real emergency!
Witch alarm!
[bell ringing]
Witch alarm!
- Gosh, Puf, what does
this Boss Witch look like?
Has anyone seen her?
- No, she's never come
to our island before.
- That sounds like trouble!
- It sure does and we
better prepare for it.
[bell ringing]
Witch alarm!
- Reporting for duty, Mayor.
- Reporting for duty. We
heard all about Boss Witch!
- I'm coming! I'm coming!
I'm ready for action!
- Here I am! Have
helmet, will travel.
[audience laughs]
- All right. Line up,
everyone! Line up.
Fall in. Attention!
Now hurry, hurry!
Attention. Attention.
I said, "Attention!"
Now troops, we're
facing a real emergency.
No one knows what the
Boss Witch looks like
or why she's here.
But we do know we must
present a solid front.
- Three cheers for Pufnstuf!
- He hasn't done anything yet.
- Encourage him! Encourage him!
[audience laughs]
- Quiet, quiet!
Quiet in the ranks!
Now, we have to figure
out what to do first.
- I think we should keep
an eye on the castle
so we'll know when the
Boss Witch arrives.
- Good idea, Jimmy.
But who will volunteer?
- Horse will!
- I will?
[audience laughs]
- You will? Thank you, Horse!
- Attaboy! That's terrific!
- But, but...
- Oh, I think it's so
brave of you to volunteer.
You're a real hero.
[lips kiss and pop]
- Oh! [laughs]
How about that? I
guess I am a hero.
- Then you'll have to hurry.
- Your job is to
get near the castle
and report when the
Boss Witch arrives.
- Finally got you to do
some work around here.
Move out!
[hand slaps]
- Watch your hands,
Buster! I'm a hero.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
♪ Do, do, do, do do ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
Hey! Look at that. It's
Stupid Bat. Good gosh!
He's flying lopsided.
[audience laughs]
Uh-oh! Oh! Oh boy.
Oh, he's gonna crash.
[Stupid Bat screaming]
- Oh, look out. Look out!
[body slams]
[leaves rustle]
Oh. Oh, he crashed in the trees.
No wonder they call him stupid.
Hey there, Stupid Bat. You okay?
Stupid Bat, say something!
- Uh, Bat-O-Gram. Urgent
message for Witchiepoo.
Bat-O-Gram. Oh! Oh!
[body slams and boings]
- Urgent message for Witchiepoo?
Whoa! I better take
this back to Pufnstuf.
Sorry to leave you
like this, Stupid Bat,
but that's spy biz.
[audience laughs]
[playful upbeat music]
[relaxing music]
- This looks like a
good escape route.
- Yes, my wagon couldn't make
it, but the rescue racer can.
Right, Pufnstuf?
- Right.
We'll have the rescue racer
ready to move out if we have to.
Here comes Cling and Clang.
What is it, boys? What is it?
[hands pounding]
The horse is coming.
Hey, everyone! Horse is coming!
- He must have some
news about Boss Witch.
- Hurry up! Hurry!
Okay, Horse, report. What
do you have to tell us?
Come on.
- What's this note?
- Uh, it's a Bat-O-Gram.
Stupid Bat was flying
with it to Witchiepoo.
Must be important.
- Read it, Jimmy. Quick! Quick!
- To Witchiepoo from
Witch Headquarters.
Visit canceled. Carry
on evil work as usual.
We'll meet you next
inspection tour.
Signed, bad luck, Boss Witch.
She's not coming! Boss
Witch isn't coming!
[group cheers excitedly]
- Hooray!
- And if it wasn't for our
polka-dotted spy right here,
we'd never have known.
- You did it. You're
a hero! A real hero.
[Horse laughs]
[lips smack]
- Yep!
[audience laughs]
- What are you
doing sitting down?
The Boss Witch will
be here any second.
Get up, you lazy louse!
Get back to work!
Lift that mop! Pull that bucket!
Oh!
- Duh, Witchiepoo.
Duh, Witchiepoo.
Duh, Witchiepoo. There's
something I gotta tell ya.
- No time to talk
now, Stupid Bat.
Get out there
and let me know the minute
the Boss Witch arrives!
- Duh, but I gotta tell ya.
You see, I was carrying
this Bat-O-Gram.
- Can't you see
I'm busy? Get lost!
b*at it, Bat!
- [Stupid Bat] Duh, duh! Oh!
- Hurry! Mop! Mop!
Oh! Oh! How do I
look? How do I look?
I'm a nervous wreck.
The Boss Witch isn't going to
like anything, I just know it.
- I never saw you
so worried, Chief.
- Yeah! What kind of old
hag is Boss Witch anyway?
- I don't know!
I've never seen her.
Oh, I wish I had a
little gift for her.
Something to put
her in a good mood.
- Hey, Chiefy!
Why don't you take a look
at the image machine?
See what's available.
- Good idea, Seymour.
There must be something
on this island
that can make her happy.
[audience laughs]
Tombstones. Nah!
She must have a whole graveyard.
[audience laughs]
Look at that lumpy green dragon.
[cackling hysterically]
Oh! Wait a minute! [cackles]
That's it!
That will do!
[cackles hysterically]
The Mayor of Living
Island. [laughs]
I'll capture him
and give him to the
Boss Witch as a present!
[cackling maniacally]
- Oh my, Witchiepoo. You're
brilliant, marvelous, clever.
- And don't forget gorgeous.
[cane bangs and boings]
[audience laughs]
Now you two clowns keep working.
I'm over the puff
to get Puf! [laughs]
[dramatic expl*si*n]
- [Orson] Good hunting, Chiefy.
[audience laughs]
- So that's the story, folks.
Now that the Boss Witch isn't
coming, you can all relax.
- I was ready to smash
her with my lorgnette.
[audience laughs]
- Oh. Lucky for her,
she not show up.
[dramatic expl*si*n]
[group gasps]
- Oh! It's the Witch!
- Come on! Take to the hills.
- Yikes, it's the evil
fuzz. Run for it, baby!
- Go ahead and run you trees!
It's Pufnstuf I wanna freeze.
[cane zaps]
Zap!
[mysterious enchanted chiming]
[cackling maniacally]
Oh, what a king size gift
he'll make for the Boss Witch.
She'll love me for this.
Come, my plump beauty. [giggles]
[audience laughs]
Drat! He weighs a ton!
I'll never get him
back to the castle.
Unless...
[finger snaps]
Of course! I almost forgot
my old shrinking spell.
Let's see.
Evil spirits from the land,
make Pufnstuf sit in
the palm of my hand.
[dramatic expl*si*n]
[cackling maniacally]
A dragon in the hand is worth
two in the bush. [laughs]
Oh, but enough of
this small talk.
[dramatic expl*si*n]
[giggling maniacally]
[cackling maniacally]
You little dickens.
I used to have a tiny little
alligator just like you.
I ought to leave you
just the way you are.
But you wouldn't make much of
a present for the Boss Witch.
Zippity do! Zippity zap! Stay
as you were, nice and fat.
[dramatic expl*si*n]
[cackling maniacally]
- What happened? Where am I?
- Safe and sound in my dungeon,
you jolly green dumb-dumb.
[cackling maniacally]
- Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!
Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!
Pufnstuf's been captured!
Witchiepoo's got
him! Alarm! Alarm!
Witchiepoo's got him! Alarm!
[group chattering]
- Hold it! Hold it!
Let's not lose our heads.
The first thing is we've
gotta rescue Pufnstuf.
- Good thinking. But how?
- Thank goodness the
Boss Witch isn't coming.
Then it would really
be impossible.
- Judy, you just
gave me an idea.
- I did?
- What kind of idea?
- How to rescue Pufnstuf.
Now follow this. Horsey
picked up her Bat-O-Gram
so Witchiepoo doesn't know
that Boss Witch isn't coming.
Right?
- Right!
- Okay.
Ludicrous, you've got a
makeup bag in your wagon.
Supposing I get made
up as Boss Witch,
enter the castle
and free Pufnstuf.
- Oh my.
You mean you're going to make
believe you're Boss Witch?
Oh my!
- Gather round.
Now Judy, you'll
have to stay here
and look after
Freddy and Horsey.
Dr. Blinky, when
I'm getting made up,
you go get your magic sound
books and here's what we'll do.
[mysterious music]
- Okay, boys, we're all set
up. We're almost ready to go.
[crickets chirping]
Duh! Oh!
[audience laughs]
- Ssh! I'm Jimmy. Ssh!
- Goodness! Goodness.
You gave me a start.
What a makeup job. You
sure look like Boss Witch.
- We'll have to hurry if
we're gonna rescue Pufnstuf.
Is your sound box ready
to announce my arrival?
- Ready. Here it goes.
[victorious trumpeting]
- Oh! Oh! What was
that? What was that?
Big swivelings! It
must be the Boss Witch!
And I'm not even ready!
Orson! Seymour! Open the gates!
Hurry! Hurry! She's
here! She's here!
[victorious
trumpeting continues]
- Oh my. The Boss Witch.
[gate rumbling]
- Nice going, Dr. Blinky.
There goes the drawbridge.
- Wait till you hear this.
- [Sound Box] Make way
for the Empress of Evil!
Her Royal Rottenness
the Boss Witch is here!
Boss Witch is here!
- Perfect. I'm on my way.
- Good luck, Jimmy.
- [Sound Box] Boss
Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil.
Boss Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil.
- She's here! Orson!
Seymour! She's here!
Oh! Oh!
[audience laughs]
Boss Witch is here! Line
up! Straighten up! Smile!
[audience laughs]
- [Sound Box] Boss
Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
Boss Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
Boss Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
[dramatic expl*si*n]
- Welcome. Welcome.
Oh, Your Majesty, Your
Imperial Wizardness,
Exalted Ruler of Witchiedom.
- Oh stop sniveling, you
bag of bones, and get up!
Get up, I say!
- We're getting up.
We're getting up.
Oh, Your Majesty, Your Highness.
I'm so honored by your
visit to my humble abode.
My castle is your castle.
- You call this a castle?
I've seen better castles
used as hamburger stands!
[cane bangs]
- Oh! I mean, oh,
what a sense of humor.
Better castles as hamburger
stands. [cackling]
[group laughing]
Oh, you're terrific, Boss Witch.
- Yes, terrific.
- Who asked you to speak, dummy?
- Yes! Who asked
you to speak, dummy?
[cane bangs]
- I'll do the
swatting around here!
[cane bangs]
[audience laughs]
- Oh! I mean, I asked
for that, Your Majesty.
After all, you are the
Boss, Queen of them all.
Oh my Empress of Evil, if it
wouldn't be putting you out,
may I take you to
my beauty chair?
Look Your Majesty, my
very own beauty chair,
and it's all yours if you
would like a beauty treatment.
- Beauty treatment?
How dare you think I
need beauty treatments?
[cane bangs]
[audience laughs]
- Oh! Oh, my gracious
leader. Oh, Queen of Magic.
I didn't mean that.
[lips pop]
You're beautiful,
gorgeous, exquisite.
- And you're a disgrace.
You don't have anyone
boiling in oil,
no one being tortured,
no prisoners.
Why, you're not a witch.
You're a good fairy!
[cane bangs]
- I am not!
No, no, please, Your Rottenness.
Oh, Queen of Darkness.
Listen to me.
I have a marvelous
surprise for you.
I have a prisoner. I got
him as a gift just for you.
Oh, you'll love me
for this. Love me.
- Prisoner? Well, don't just
stand there. Where is he?
- Orson! Bring up
the prisoner! Hurry!
- [Orson] Right, Chief.
- One prisoner coming up.
- Wait till you see
him, O Majestic Madame.
I captured him with my own
dipsy doddle doozy wand.
Isn't it a beauty?
- Oh, you won't need that
anymore, you old hag!
[wand cracks]
- Ah! Oh! My wand!
My super special wand!
You can't!
[Witchiepoo stuttering
and stammering]
Of course you can.
You can do anything, O Queen.
You can do anything.
Anything, all powerful one.
[playful music]
[Witchiepoo cackling maniacally]
And here he is, O Noble Empress.
My gift to you, the
Mayor of Living Island.
The Mayor himself.
What do you think of
them apples, Boss Witch?
- Boss Witch? That's
the Boss Witch?
But she's not supposed to-
Oh!
[audience laughs]
- See her kick him? Now that's
how to handle prisoners.
Now watch how an expert
does it. [giggles]
- So you're the Mayor?
Oh, tell me Mayor,
has this so-called Witch here
been really evil to you guys?
I mean, really evil?
- Who? Little old Witchiepoo?
Why? She's a regular
pussycat. A real live doll.
[audience laughs]
- What? What? What
are you saying?
- Is that so? Very interesting.
[audience laughs]
Oh, tell me more. Has she
given you any trouble?
- Trouble? Trouble?
That's a laugh.
She's a regular sweetheart.
Why, once she even came to
my cave and gave us cookies.
- Sweetheart! Cookies!
I was trying to zap you!
Don't listen to him. I'm
evil, I tell you. Evil!
I'm mean, I'm rotten. There
isn't a decent bone in my body.
Really, I'm terrible.
Orson! Seymour, tell her.
Tell her how rotten I am.
- She's rotten.
- She's terrible.
- Oh, you goody two-shoes,
I've heard enough.
Say Mayor, if I appointed
you the new witch around here
how would you handle things?
- Oh, I could be
mean as the dickens.
[Pufnstuf growling dramatically]
See?
- But he's the head
of the good guys.
You can't do that!
- I can't, eh?
- Yeah!
- I'll tell you what I can
do. I can throw you out!
I hereby banish you from
Living Island forever.
- Oh, please. You
can't do this to me.
I've tried hard
to be a bad witch.
I've done my best to be
mean, rotten and evil.
Oh, please give
me another chance.
Where can I get another
witch job at my age? [cries]
- Oh, stop that
blubbering and get out!
And take those two
little creeps with you!
Out! Out, I say!
[Witchiepoo crying dramatically]
- Oh my. I wonder how
Jimmy's doing in there.
Oh good. Oh! Look out.
- [Sound Box] Open the door!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
- Oh! Oh no. You guys
turned on the sound box!
Now Jimmy will get caught.
- [Sound Box] Open the door!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
- It's stuck. I can't stop it!
- [Sound Box] Boss
Witch is here!
Boss Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
Boss Witch is here!
- Boss Witch is here!
Wait a minute!
[audience laughs]
You are here.
- Of course I'm here, ya dummy.
That's just some of my elves
outside having some fun.
- Just a minute.
- [Sound Box] Open the door!
- Something's going on here.
- You dare to question me.
- Get away, you elves. You're
bothering the Boss Witch!
Scram! Go away!
- [Sound Box] Boss
Witch is here!
- Oh. Uh-oh. That
does it. Poor Jimmy.
- [Sound Box] Boss
Witch is here!
Make way for the
Empress of Evil!
- Those darn elves.
They just won't listen.
- Now, just one
ding dong minute!
Something's fishy around here.
- Oh! I'll take care of them.
[robe rips]
- Oh!
- Wait a minute!
- Uh-oh!
- Wait. Let me help
you, Boss Witch.
- Pardon me for being
nosy, Boss Witch.
But what happened to your nose?
- Oh, it's just another one
of my super bits of magic.
[nose pops]
- Magic, eh? Just as I
thought! You're a fake.
You're not the Boss Witch!
You're that brat Jimmy!
- Run, Pufnstuf! Run!
- Stop them! My wand! My wand!
Orson, Seymour!
They're getting away!
My wand! Where's my wand?
- [Orson] There it
is on the floor.
- Jimmy broke it.
- But it's only half a wand.
But half a wand's
better than none.
Bugs and bees, I
order you to freeze!
[dramatic expl*si*n]
[audience laughs]
[wind fizzling]
Guess I used the wrong half.
- Which way? Duh.
Witchiepoo. Duh!
Boss Witch is coming.
Boss Witch is coming.
Get ready for inspection.
Boss Witch is coming
in for a landing.
Duh! Listen.
- Oh no! [cries]
[air whirring]
Why me?
Why is it always me?
[crying dramatically]
[audience laughs]
[body slams]
♪ You got someone
who knows you ♪
♪ You got someone who cares ♪
♪ You got someone
who'll fix you up ♪
♪ If ever you need repairs ♪
♪ You got someone
who'll take the time ♪
♪ To listen to your prayers ♪
♪ I got, you got,
everybody do got ♪
♪ Someone who cares ♪
♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Where do ya go when
things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ He can't do a little,
'cause he can't do enough ♪
[upbeat orchestral music]
Whoa!
♪ I got, you got,
everybody do got ♪
♪ Someone who cares ♪
♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Where do ya go when
things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Well, he can't do a little
'cause he can't do enough ♪
[audience applauds]
- See you next week!
- Keep those cards
and letters coming.
[cheerful orchestral music]
01x14 - The Visiting Witch
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The adventures of a boy trapped in a fantastic land with a dragon friend and a witch enemy.
The adventures of a boy trapped in a fantastic land with a dragon friend and a witch enemy.