03x01 - Weapons of Mass Distraction/There's No Place Like Home School

[bunniefuu]

[Jenny]
♪ 5:00, get a call
to go blading ♪

♪ at the skate park
down by the mall, ♪

♪ but my mom says ♪

♪ I gotta prevent
hostile aliens ♪

♪ from annihilating us all. ♪

Hyah!

♪ With the strength
of a million and 70 men, ♪

♪ I guess I really
shouldn't complain. ♪

♪ Still, I wish I could
go for a walk ♪

♪ without rusting
in the rain. ♪

♪ It's enough
to fry my brain. ♪

♪ So welcome to my life
as a teenage robot, ♪

♪ the story of my life
as a teenage robot. ♪

♪ My teenage robot life. ♪

[girls talking at once]

[Jenny]
Hey, what's going on?

[girl]
I heard he just moved here
from Hollywood.

He's so cute.

And totally cool.

So that's why I moved
here from Cali.

And what's your name, cutie?

I'm Jenny.

[screaming]
Machine! Get back!
Get back!

He's afraid of Jenny?

That is so yesterday.

What a geek.

[boy]
Loser.

Hello?

[Travis]
I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm afraid
of mechanical things.

I feel bad about embarrassing
you, though.

That's okay.

My life is a whirlwind
of constant embarrassment.

Wow.
Mine too.

It's okay.
I won't bite.

I'm Travis.

I'm Jenny.

[snickering]

[screams]

[laughs]

Hey, look at me.
I'm Jenny.

[makes beeping sounds]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Don't let them get to you.

I'm used to it.

You get picked on a lot
when you freak out at machines.

Then we should get along
just fine.

I get picked on a lot
for being a machine.

[laughing]
You're kind of funny.

[romantic music]

♪ ♪

It's strange; I don't mind
getting picked on

when I'm getting picked on
with you.

I think I might even be
getting used to the whole idea

that you're a robot.

Wow.

[alarm ringing]
[man]
Oh, no!

Our priceless antique coin
collection!

Somebody stop them!

[screaming]

clunk, clunk, clunk!

You won't get away
that easily.

[screaming]

Fog!

Can't...see...robbers.

[whimpering]
Go to your happy place, Travis.
Go to your happy place.

I'm sorry; I really like you,

but your super destructive
gizmos give me the willies,

big-time.

What is the big deal
with machines?

Well, when I was young,

my father worked
on an assembly line.

One day, the machines went wild.

[frantic music]

crash!

He was horribly mauled.
It was tragic.

[horn beeps]
[Jenny]
Is that your dad?

Yeah, he got better.

I've got to go.

The first time a cute, sweet,
sensitive, cute guy likes me,

and he can't stand
being around me.

I can't stop being a machine,

but maybe there's a way I can be
more human.

I can do this.
Come on, Travis.

Do it for Jenny.

[screams]

[panting]

[Jenny]
Hey, Travis.

Jenny, you look, uh,
covered up.

Well, when I'm not
in "robot action mode,"

I don't need to expose all those
crazy devices of mine.

Wow.
So how often do you use them?

Oh, hardly ever;
yesterday was a total anomaly.

You're not just saying that,
are you?

No.

So we can hang out,
right?

Well, sure,
I guess.

Hey, look, it's snowing!

smack!

[screaming]

[glass shattering]

Uh, I've been thinking;

since we're hanging out,
well, maybe we could--

you know, if you're free
some time...

[distant screaming]

what I mean is...

I-I need to go...
powder my nose.

Jenny?

rip!

Uh-huh?

Well, I've been meaning
to ask you if,

well, if, um,
if you're not busy--

boom!

[metal creaking]

[shattering]

[cackling]

[robbers]
Wha--?

You two are going to stay right
here and wait for the cops.

People just don't respect
fine art anymore.

crash!

And I think you're
really cool and everything.

[hoarsely]
Sweet-talk me
all you want, honey.

You're not getting
any extra meat loaf!

Machine or not, girls
take too long in the bathroom.

Hi, Travis.

Oh, my gosh.

What happened to you?

Uh, really rough
paper towels?

Talk to the school board.

I can't
take this.

You?
I'm hanging by my underwear.

It's your fault,
you imbecile.

[old man]
Gentlemen,
gentlemen,

you're both imbeciles!

[thunder claps]

[robbers]
Sorry, O Weathered One.

It has taken me decades
to master the intricate,

complex ability to control
the weather.

ping!

And all I ask you to do
is one thing:

help me use it
to rob banks and stuff.

[lightning zaps]

Now,
what haven't we tried yet?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Surf's up, boss.

boom!

[screaming]

[water rushing]

[distant screaming]

I, uh, gotta go
to the bathroom.

You just went,
like, three minutes ago.

Oh, yeah.

[woman people over microphone]
Help! My puppy!

[man]
Ah! The pain!

screech! crash!

[high-pitched buzzing]

Look out! The teacher has an
electronic thesaurus!

[screams]

[laughs]
He's afraid of dinosaurs too.

[mechanical clicking]

[air hissing]

Is it safe?

[whirring]

click!

Oh, no!
I'm out of slack.

Teacher, there's a huge--

[teacher]
Uh-uh-uh;
en espanol, por favor.

Uh,el lago
es muy grande, y--

[screams]

[bombs whistling]

boom!

splash!

ploop!

[children cheering]

[boy]
Marco!

[robber]
Polo!

Phew.

Bravo!

You are quite
the worthy adversary,

but your efforts will be
all in vain, because--

Listen, Methuselah!

I've got a list
of priorities.

Cute teenage boy
is here, at the top;

crazy old guy,
way down here.

You're under citizen's arrest,
and you're the citizen.

See ya!

So if you're not doing anything,
do you want to go--

[gasping]
to the movies or something?

thunk!
Jenny?

Yes?

Yahoo!

pfft!

I'm glad you could come,
Jenny.

[thinking]
This is it: me, a boy,
a real date.

Love is in the air.

[wind howling]

slurp!

Ew.

I was going to tell you.

[laughs maniacally]

[yawns]

[screaming over microphone]

[thinking]
Forget it; somebody else can
save this town for a change.

[wind howling]

[laughs maniacally]

[people over microphone]
Isn't there someone
who can save us?

[thinking]
I'm not listening.

boom!

What was that?

The special effects
are awesome!

boom!

There's something
going on.

Kids and their crazy
rock music.

[laughing]
You'll never stop me now,
Robot Girl!

[nervous laughter]
Popcorn?

What are you doing
just sitting here?

Use that "robot action mode"
of yours.

I didn't want to ruin
our date.

But people are in danger!

Right.

I'll be back
as soon as I can.

[screams]

[mechanical whirring]

[ominous music]

[screaming]

chink!

whap!

Look, honey!
We done moved.

[wind blowing]

meow!

Help!

[Jenny]
Gotcha.

Whoa!

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[slow hissing]

[metal crunching]

slam!

Oh, no, you don't!

whoosh!

whump!

[door creaks]

[cow moos]

You realize I cannot
let you win.

This is a fight to the finish,
between two worthy--

Can it!

I am not in the mood,
lousy amateur.

You ruined my one chance
at happiness with a great guy,

a guy who's scared
of machines,

and I'm a machine, and it
was doomed from the start.

Um, Travis,
we have to talk.

You're darned right
we do.

How dare you risk people's lives
to keep a stinking date?

I was just getting used
to being with a robot,

but I can never get used to
being with someone so selfish.

Good-bye!

[horn beeps]

I'm never going to
find a boyfriend.

It just wasn't meant to be
with Travis,

but more importantly,

I think you've learned
a valuable lesson today.

Always be yourself.

You're special
just the way you are.

It's important to stay true
to yourself, and--

smack!
Save it, bean pole.

Who are you, my mother?

You should be proud
of your robot powers.

zap!

Thattagirl!

Isn't this awesome?

The first day of school;
I'm so excited.

Give it a few days;
you'll get over it.

Could life get any worse?

Ah. Bright shining faces
on a beautiful morning.

Pop quiz time; and this one
counts for most of your grade.

[moaning]

Wait, you're a robot.

Why do you need
to use the--

None of your business!

Hup...two...three...four!

Let's see some hustle,
Wakeman!

I...can't...move.

What a day;
I can't wait to get out of here.

I am seriously
at my breaking point.

clunk!

[laughing]
I put bolts
in the robot's locker.

[metallic snapping]

[air whistles]

[men talking over police radio]

[saw buzzing]

My office, now!

[Wakeman]
Hello?

Noreen Wakeman?

[Wakeman]
Yes.

This is
Vice Principal Rizinsky.

Your daughter has been involved
in a disturbance,

[tires squealing]
and I was hoping you could join
us for a bit of a discussion.

[footsteps running]

This is a place of learning,
Ms. Wakeman.

Would you agree that we cannot
tolerate disruptions?

[both]
Yes.

You need some serious
attitude adjustment, young lady,

or you'll be suspended,
sent home for three days!

Really? That's a start,
but not really long enough.

Are you telling me
you want to be expelled?

Maybe I am.

Because I'll do it,
young lady.

Just say the word.

I'll have to
get back to you on that.

I'm serious, I really can do it;
just--just say the word.

Uh, Jenny?

[Jenny]
Whatever.

That's the problem
with your generation;

you slackers can't commit
to anything.

Maybe I should
get myself expelled,

or maybe I should drop out
and become an outlaw.

Dropping out, huh?
That's what I did. Yee-haw!

You know, XJ9, there is another
alternative: home school.

Home school?

I've always wanted to try
my hand at teaching.

That's a great idea!

No more classrooms,
no more books,

no more
teachers' dirty looks!

[school bell rings]

Hey, Brad.
I'm going to go to home school.

[feet screech to a stop]

[girls]
Yay! Hooray!

Home school?

Are you sure about this,
Jenn?

It'll be great: no concessions
to Rizinski, and I can coast

through school with my
addled mother for a teacher.

Jenny!
Now!

Jenny!

[mud splashes]

[water running]

[horn beeping]

Do you want to talk
about it, Sheldon?

[Wakeman]
XJ9, time for school.

Okay, Mom.
You're the teacher.

We can play school
if you want.

Rest assured, XJ9, education
doesn't have to be boring.

This is my holographic chamber,

where we can create a world as
limitless as our imagination.

Wow! So we could go to
ancient Greece or China

and watch history unfold
right before our eyes.

Oh, sure,
in theory I guess you could,

but for our purposes,
I have made a virtual classroom.

[clears throat]
Good morning, class.

My name is Dr. Wakeman,
and this is my first day.

Let's take roll.

Um, Jennifer Wakeman.

Uh, present.

Very good.

Now, it is my understanding that
you are currently studying

the w*r of 1812,
so we'll pick it up there.

But first, let's do a quick
review of what led up to that.

It all began
with a huge expl*si*n!

Gradually,
the universe cooled,

and the planet Earth
began to form.

[Jenny tittering]

[giggles]
Yes, it does seem unlikely.

[Jenny]
Did she really say that,
because if she did,

then I'm going to have to say
that Markie is not

the cutest of the Cutie Boys.

Reggie is the cutest one.

[Jenny]
I know, everybody knows that!

[Wakeman]
It all began with a huge
expl*si*n.

Eventually,
the first planets began to form,

drawn into orbit around--

[thinking]
Whoa. She's really
into the school thing.

Well, that makes one of us.

[gears whir]

[Wakeman]
planets, with 130 satellites,
and thousands of comets and...

whap!

A pop quiz?

I don't know
any of this.

Well, then,
that's an F.

You have to learn
this information,

so you'd better start
paying attention.

This is going to be harder
than I thought.

[phone rings]

[Jenny]
Hello?

[unintelligible voice
over phone]

[Jenny]
Sorry, Brad.

Mezmers sounds great,
but I've got homework to do.

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

[sound waves vibrating]

Well, let's go
back to the beginning.

It all began with a

[Jenny]
Huge expl*si*n!
huge expl*si*n!

Mom, we went over
all of this.

So you were listening
to me yesterday?

Of course.

Then when were pulsars
first discovered?

[sound waves vibrating]



[Wakeman]
And how much do three--



And who--
Marconi!

invented
wireless transmissions?

That's very good, XJ9.

Now, could you tell me
what this is, please?

That's a frequency jammer.

And what happens
when I turn it on?

It, u-um...

It messes up
wireless transmissions.

So, XJ9,
could you please remind me

who invented wireless
transmissions?

Let me think.

[quiet buzzing]

Marconi!

[Wakeman]
Where was the Declaration
of Independence signed?

[Jenny]
Um...

zap!

First man on the moon?

[Jenny]
Neil Armstrong.

First woman president?

Um--I can't tell;
it's hard to read your writing.

[laughs]
I know. It's just atrocious.

No more cheating,
XJ9!

You need to learn
this information.

It all began
with a huge expl*si*n.

...which pretty much held
as the dominant theory

until the advent
of plasma accelerators.

Wow, who would have thought
that you could give

a three-hour, nonstop
physics lecture?

[chuckles]
I'm just getting warmed up.

Chapter 2: physics enters
its middle era.

Excuse me, young lady,

shouldn't you be attending
your physics lecture?

Come on, Mom.

To be a well-rounded student,

I need extracurricular
activities.

Colleges eat that stuff up.

[Wakeman]
Let's see.

If I was
on a college admissions board,

what would I want to see?

Lot's of activities!

Ooh, that could be fun.

And there it is, a masterpiece
of extracurricular curriculum!

XJ9 is going to love this!

XJ9?

Get up, get up, get up!

I've got a surprise
for you!

You are one lucky girl,
because today the Wakeman School

proudly offers a complete
and unabridged selection

of extracurriculars.

We've got sports.

We've got choir.

Would you like
to try out for band?

No.

Or how about
the school newspaper?

Or the chess club?
Uh...

[Wakeman]
Or another time-honored
tradition:

the prom.

Do you like my prom dress?

I'm Little Bo-Peep.

Okay, Mom.

I think you've been working
a little too hard

on this school thing.

I fixed you up
with a prom date.

You look
lovely tonight.

Would you like
a nosegay?

thunk!

Let me see if I got this right.

We're going to sit
in our imaginary school,

and we're going to have
a make-believe prom,

and my prom date is my sister?

That's right.

Will you take
our picture?

[glass shattering]

Hey,
you don't have a hall pass!

You're crazy!

A restaurant;
the perfect place

to study
the human digestive system.

Ah, the living classroom
of the modern sewer.

We can study water pressure,
fluid dynamics--

whoosh!

The science of altitudes:

at this height,
there's enough heat in my hand

to boil water.

whoosh!

whump!

The physics of space travel:
now, there's a good lecture.

Ahhhh!

This is too much.

I can't take one more day
of home school.

I miss my old friends.

I miss my old school.

What?

I thought you hated
Tremerton High.

Gosh, it wasn't so bad, really.

I want to go back.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll change my attitude.

Anything is better than this.
Please?

Well, I'm not
so sure of th--

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you.

whoosh!

Hello, you ugly, old building.

Hello,
cruel gym teacher.

Drop and give me 20.

Hello,
sarcastic science teacher.

One more student:
how wonderful.

Hi, Brit and Tiff.

Ugh, you again.

Oh, didn't you run off and join
the park rangers or something?

How dumb do you have to be
to flunk out of home school?

Hi, school bully.

Wheeee!

fwhump!

Vice Principal Rizinsky,
you were totally right.

I did need to change
my attitude.

And I have.

I'm so happy to be back!

I'm really starting
to like you, Sheldy-weldy.

And, um, I'm really
starting to like--

oh, my gosh,
Jenny's back.

Hey, Jenny!

Sheldy!
[sobbing]

Here's your punch
and cookies, Mom.

Thank you, XJ8.

Would you like to dance now?

I said no, XJ8.

Okay, how 'bout now?

Stop asking me that.

Oh!

[phone rings]

Dr. Wakeman speaking.

Wakeman, Rizinsky.

You worked a miracle with XJ9.

Have you ever considered
becoming a substitute teacher?

[bell ringing]

Vice Principal Rizinsky,
have I told you how--

Happy you are?

Yes, three times.

Would you please
take your seat?

I sure will.

Ms. Fossilbottom
is out sick today.

Luckily, I found a substitute
teacher at the last minute.

[gasping]

Uh, so with your studies, I
don't know where you got so far,

so, um, I'm just gonna start
from the beginning.

It all started
with a huge expl*si*n!

Yee-haw!