04x12 - Bionic Action Hero

[bunniefuu]

Guess who I just got
off the phone with?

Giselle Vickers.

The big Hollywood filmmaker?

She is legendary!

She made all the k*ller
Zombie Trucker movies.

Because of her,
I can't be at a truck stop.

That's right.
And get this.

Her next blockbuster
is gonna be called

Bionic Action Hero.

Awesome!

What's it about?

A bionic action hero.

Huh. Save your money.
It sounds like a flop.

The best part,

it's based on you guys.

[ All exclaiming ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

The same person that makes
those lame zombie movies

is gonna make our movie?

[ Scoffs ]
No way.

Must you ruin everything?

Relax, Chase.

Giselle's an old college friend.

We spent a lot of time
in the robotics lab together

before she switched careers.

We even dated a bit.

What happened?

Sometimes people grow apart.

She dumped you, didn't she?

Worst day of my life!

And I've been to
prison four times.

Anyway, she wants the film
to portray bionics accurately,

so she's coming here

to research with the actor
that's playing you guys.

I think you mean actors.

No. In the film, there aren't
three bionic superheroes.

To simplify it, there's just one

with all of your abilities.

So who's the actor?

Ooh, I bet it's Dame Judi Dench.

[ Bad British accent ]
Look at me.

I'm bionic.

No.

It's some new
up-and-comer named Troy West.

So they're just gonna throw some
rookie in the leading role?

I don't want any part of this.

I hate to say it,

but I agree with Chase.

You only have one chance
to have your life

turned into a movie.
It should be done right.

Exactly.

So who's playing me?

Denzel, Will Smith?

Oh, who am I kidding?

Those guys can't bring
the Dooley.

Sorry, Leo.

There is no character
based on you.

What?

It's called Bionic Action Hero,

not Kind Of Bionic
Sort Of Action Hero.

Look, if they want someone
to play a bionic hero,

why don't they use me?

I'm an actor.

I starred in a school play.

You had one line.

And you forgot it.

Just because it's in the script

doesn't mean you have to say it.

Plus, I can do my own stunts.

The guy who played Superman
can't stop a real locomotive,

but I can.

Oh, yeah? Well,
the hydra loop is closing.

I bet you can't stop that.

Hah! I did it.

Uh-uh. You stopped
the doors,

but you didn't stop
the hydra loop.

Did it stop?

The world's first
bionic superhumans...

they're stronger than us,

faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

living on a bionic island.

Is everybody ready?

Troy and Giselle
will be here any minute.

You seem kinda nervous.
If I didn't know any better,

I'd think you were trying
to get your old girlfriend back.

That's ridiculous.

How's my hair?

Too spiky, not enough spiky?

Just the right amount of spike?

Never mind the spike.

What are you gonna do
about the grays?

Grays?!

Whoa. Look at
this place.

Hey, Troy.

Welcome to the Bionic Academy.

- Thanks, I'm really happy...
- Giselle.

Douglas.
Nice to see you.

Still rockin'
the same old spikes, huh?

I can change.
What do you like?

Side part, middle part, mullet?

Hi. I'm Giselle.

So honored to be telling
your story.

And this is Troy West, the actor
who'll be playing you in the movie.

Hi.

What's up, guys? It's
really nice to meet you.

I get it now.

You got my body, Bree's hair,

but I'm not seeing the Chase.

He's perfect.

Oh, come on.

You seriously buy that this guy's bionic?
I mean, compared to me...

Dude, you really don't
wanna go there.

Hey, thanks for letting us
come here to do our research.

I can't believe I'm
actually standing here

with three bionic heroes.

I'm not seeing anyone.

Uh... that's not normally
what I lead with,

but I'm not seeing anyone.

We won't get in your way.

I'm just here to
check out the academy

so I can make the movie
as real as possible.

And I'm just here to
learn about your bionics

so my performance
will feel authentic.

Totally get where
you're coming from, Troy.

I'm a big-time actor myself.

Really? Movies?

Uh, school plays.

But I did see a mom
filming it on her phone,

so it's only a matter of time

before it hits theaters.

I see.

So what did you feel was the key
to your character's inner life?

I got to wear a cowboy hat,

and ride a wooden pony.

And that's all you need
to know about Adam.

Why, hello.
You must be Giselle.

I'm Leo, the fourth
and most important member

of the team.

Of course. I know
all about you, Leo.

Then you also know that
my fascinating life

would make a fantastic sequel.

Or we can just forget about
the little cocktail weenies,

and focus on
the main course. Me.

Why...

don't you guys go show
Troy some bionic moves?

That'll give Giselle a chance
to walk around this place,

and remember how adorable I am.

We are gonna be walking
for a very long time.

So you really think
you have what it takes

to be a bionic superhero?

I hope so. Hey, I've been
training really hard.

Check this out. It's one
of Chase's abilities.

- What was that?
- It was your bionic eye scan.

Hey, don't worry. Once they add
some special effects,

it'll look really cool.

No, it won't,

'cause you're doing it wrong.

It goes like this.

Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah, I totally get
how that's different.

Okay, so now who's helping
out with the cheesy movie?

I am not helping, I am critiquing
his mediocre performance.

Now the T-shirts,

they would say
"Leo Dooley's bionic army."

Get it?

Army.

'Cause I have a bionic arm.

Leo, would you please give
this lovely woman her space?

If you need someone
to write me into the script,

I am your man,
I'm a born typist.

Best hunt and pecker
in the business.

Thirteen words a minute.

I also direct.

That kid.

He would do anything
to impress you.

You know, Giselle,

it's too bad that
you couldn't see

all the other brilliant things

that I created outside of here.

You could make a whole movie

just about Marcus.

Marcus.

My greatest invention.
An advanced android

with all of Adam, Bree,
and Chase's bionic abilities.

Believe it or not, he was even
more powerful than they are.

Well, where is he?
I'd love to see him.

You can see parts of him.

They're buried in
a huge pile of rubble

in my old lair.

I'm sorry.
Your lair?

Yeah. Technically,
it's a suburban basement,

but by law, you
have to call it a lair

if you use it to t*rture people.

That is so cool.

If you like that ability,

you're really gonna like my...

invisibility app.

No way.

- How do you do that?
- It's not...

that...

hard.

Awesome.

Uh, thanks for helping me out.

Sure.

I just wish Chase
was as open about

his abilities as you are.

Don't take it personally.

He's just really protective
of his image.

He does know on the fan boards,

they call him
the bionic fun k*ller.

Yeah, but to be fair,

most of those posts were mine.

The thing is,

I'm running out of time.

I have to figure him out.

If I don't,
Giselle might fire me.

I really don't wanna
lose this role.

Maybe I can help.
What do you need?

I don't know.

Stuff like, uh,

how his chip was designed,

and where his
super intelligence comes from.

All the things that make him

the smartest
person in the world.

Sorry. All I know is
what makes him

the most annoying
person in the world.

I mean, if all you need
is a bionic owner's manual,

we can access Mr. Davenport's
files from here.

Really?

Yeah, that would be great.

I mean, just a bunch of boring
schematics and formulas, but...

here you go.

Everything there is
to know about Chase's chip.

Thanks, Bree.

You're pretty.

I know.

So now that we're done working,

do you wanna go hit the pool?

Sounds great.
I'll go change.

Don't be too long.

I mean, take your time.

I'm not desperate.

Mission accomplished.
Here it is.

Perfect.

Now we can finally
take them out,

and rid the world
of bionic humans forever.

I'm so glad you guys
could come by the stage

and watch us film.

Just so you know,

I tried keeping the hair flat,

but it won't stay down.

And this is
our Hollywood version

of the Bionic Academy.

Looks awesome.

No, it doesn't.

The walls look fake.

The floor looks fake.

Nothing in here looks
like the real academy.

But your complaining
is very authentic.

I gotta take this call
from my other movie,

k*ller Zombie Orthodontists.

Orthodontists?

Yeah, I know.

We're pretty much out of ideas.

Hey, Troy.

Oh, hey.

Hey, so, what happened?

You said you were
gonna meet me at the pool

and then you left the island
without even saying good-bye.

What do you want me to say?

Not much of a water person.

Great news.

Since you were all so helpful,

I'm putting you in the scene
we're about to sh**t.

You want us to be in the movie?

Yep. But instead of
playing bionic heroes,

you get to play the bad guys.

What do you think?

I think Leo Dooley
better have a line.

Cool. We're gonna be
in a movie!

We're gonna be in a movie
we're gonna be in a movie!

So now you're on board.

Hey, Troy starring in
a bionic movie, lame.

Me starring in
a bionic movie, awesome!

Great. So then,
it's all settled.

Any questions?

Just one. What time
will this be on tonight?

This is so cool.

I finally get to play a bad guy.

Chase Davenport,
international bad boy.

Settle down, bad boy.
Your mascara's running.

I don't get it.

Troy won't even talk to me.
It's so weird.

Not really.

Boys blow you off all the time.

[ Gasps ]
What if he's got

another girl on set?

So what?
You just met the guy.

We had a connection.
I'm not crazy!

Okay, look, all I'm saying

is that if he is
seeing someone else,

I need to know about it,

so I can go sabotage it.

Girls.

Always going to
that desperate place.

I hope Giselle's
not seeing someone else.

- [ Knocking on door ]
- Troy?

Self-absorbed much?

Wow. Even his pictures
smell good.

[ Computer chiming ]

Aha.

Let's see who Mr. Popular
is getting messages from.

GISELLE:
This won't take long.

TROY: Hurry up.
I gotta be on set.

This is what
I wanted to show you.

I finally finished analyzing
Chase's chip schematics.

Then we're good.

As soon as
they're ready to film,

we'll do it.

My pictures!

Help me.

Come on, let's get outta here.

I think I need
more pictures of me.

[ Doing vocal exercises ]

Okay. Everybody,
we're about to start filming.

Positions, please.

Where's Bree?

We'll take care of her later.

Just make sure you use
the real w*apon

on them.

My pleasure.

[ Bell rings ]

Okay.
Just like we rehearsed.

Douglas, you and the kids
will say your lines,

then Troy will sh**t you.

Lights.

Camera.

Action!

Any sign of
the bionic superhuman?

I think we lost him.

Told you we'd...

get away with it.

Great work, everyone.

I agree.

Thanks for making it so easy.

No!

What are you doing?

She just ruined the scene.

And my take was perfect.

This is all a trap.

Giselle lured us here so that
Troy could take us out with this.

Bree, that's a prop.

Really?

- Whoa! What just happened?
- Wait!

I'm lost. Are we still
doing the scene?

No.

This isn't even a real movie.

What? Giselle,
what is going on?

Go ahead.
Tell them.

[ Chuckles ]
With pleasure.

The only reason I've been
making movies all these years

is to fund my army of advanced
android fighting machines.

And just when I was
about to unveil

my brilliant creations,

along came Adam, Chase and Bree
to steal my thunder.

And Leo. Why do people always
forget about Leo?

I gave my androids
all of your abilities.

The only one I couldn't cr*ck
was super intelligence.

Why didn't you just
ask me for it?

We could've worked together.

I don't wanna work with you.

My technology is far superior.

You're my competition,

and the first rule in business
is to eliminate the competition.

Really? I thought it was
location, location, location.

This is crazy.

There is no way that
your android technology

is that advanced.

[ laughs ]
Oh, really?

Troy, why don't we show them?

Troy's a k*ller android?

You really know
how to pick 'em, Bree.

Now that I have the
schematics for Chase's chip,

I can give all my androids
his intelligence.

Wait. How do you have
my schematics?

Bree gave them to me.

What?

I'm sorry.
He tricked me.

Nice work, Troy.

Finish them off.

Wait.

If you destroy me,
you destroy Giselle's laptop,

with Chase's schematics.

That's right.
I switched them.

Oh, who cares?

I've got backups
all over my servers.

Not if we create a virus
that takes out

your entire network.

Quick, hand me the laptop.

We need time to field the virus.

- Cover us.
- Take them out.

Ow.

Just wait for it. It's
gonna hurt any second now.

No? Okay then.

Hey!

That's not in the script.

Easy. We're trying
to work here.

Sorry.

Adam.

Got it.

The virus is out.

We just fried all your servers,

just like you fried my heart.

Surround them.

Hey, where you taking him?

Since you destroyed my network,

there's only one way
to get Chase's chip.

I'll have to rip it
out of him myself.

Not if we stop you.

That's not gonna happen.

This entire set
is rigged with expl*sives.

And once they detonate,

the world will think
it's an unfortunate accident

that claimed the lives
of the bionic

not-so-superhumans.

Good-bye, Douglas.

And thanks for giving me
the last piece of the puzzle.

Lock him up.

Where am I?

My robotics lab.

Can I get you anything?

Water, tea, sharp pain
in your neck

as we rip out your bionic chip?

You know, I was built
on this very table.

Kind of funny.

It's where I had my first day,

and you're having your last.

[ Evil cackling ]

All this technology,

and you couldn't give
him a sense of humor app?

With your chip,
I can finally give my androids

superior intelligence.

And unlike bionic humans,

they won't be vulnerable
to things like pain,

or emotion,
or their lives ending.

My family will come for me.

I'm sure they would

if they weren't about
to be involved in

a terrible accident.

Accident?
What are you talking about?

- BREE: Ten seconds.
- Wait. Something's weird.

Why would Giselle leave all her
androids behind to blow up with us?

Good question. You should
probably ask them

before they all geo-leap away.

Three seconds.

Nooo!

Well, that's a wrap
on your family.

Wait. What is that?

They escaped.

But that's impossible.

Not really.

Looks like you need
my bionic intelligence

more than your stupid robots do.

I was kidding.
Please don't take it out.

Please don't take it out!

Great idea, Leo.

How did you know that
grabbing onto an android

while they were geo-leaping
would geo-leap us out, too?

I didn't.

I just figured if I'm
getting blown up

I'm taking one of them with me.

Come on.

We gotta find Chase.

I'll check his GPS locator.

Poor Chase.

This is all my fault.

Notice nobody's
saying no, it's not.

I'm serious.

I trusted Troy, and now Chase
may die because of it.

That's what you get for falling
in love with an android.

Hey, compared to some of
the other guys she's dated,

a robot's an improvement.

His GPS signal's not coming up.

Giselle must've deactivated it.

Great. So now Chase's fate
lies in the hands

of your evil ex-girlfriend.

Hey, at least she's human.

I bet my family is tracking
me down as we speak.

And when they do,
I'll take them out.

Forget about them.

It's time to remove
Mr. Know-it-all's chip.

See, you think
you're insulting me with that,

but it's actually a compliment.

How is it that you're
the one strapped down,

and I'm the one being tortured?

I'm gonna go find
something sharp

to rip you open with.

Ugh. Sounds messy.

Better go get my hairnet.

Oh, come on.

Why does the release have to be
all the way over there?

Doesn't matter.

Mr. Know-it-all
has molecular kinesis.

It's go time, boys.

Oh, yes.
Come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

How'd you get out?

I'd tell you, but then
I'd have to destroy you.

I'm gonna destroy you anyway.

It was molecular kinesis.

Hold my hairnet.

Good luck.

Troy's programmed with
every form of martial arts,

and if that doesn't work,
he's a biter.

Abs of steel, brah.

Literally.

What is happening?

It's called a magnetism app.

And this is called
reversing polarity... brah.

Were you really gonna waste
my super intelligence

on that hunk of junk?

Even his ponytail is dated.

Of course not.

Troy is the old model.

It took me 20 years
to get him programmed

to this level,
and he's still unreliable.

Your intellect's going into
my new fleet of androids.

What?

Say hello to the future.

Each android takes
the appearance

of whatever human
I program it to be.

That way, they can blend in

with the rest of the population.

This is my Uncle Jerry.

A 50-year-old with a gut?

No offense, but the only thing
Uncle Jerry could destroy

is a hoagie.

If you think that hurt,

wait till you meet
my Aunt Betty.

Chase could be anywhere.

And if he's in pieces,
he could be everywhere.

Wait a second.

I do have
Giselle's phone number.

Would it be weird to just
call her?

You don't wanna seem too eager.

Wait two days until
you ask her out again.

Yeah. Good idea.

Are you insane?!
Call her!

[ Phone chiming ]

Hello.

Hey, Giselle.

It's Dougie.

You called my cell phone?

I abduct one of
your bionic kids,

and you called my cell phone?

I told you it was a bad idea.

- I'm hanging up.
- You keep her on the line.

I can trace her location.

I do it all the time
to spy on you guy...

the enemy.

So, just calling to say hey.

Quick question.

I know it's been about 20 years,

but have you seen
my gray hoodie?

Give it up, Douglas.

I know you're trying
to trace me.

You're too late.

Hey, is that Uncle Jerry?

Where have you been, man?

You dropped out of
our fantasy football league.

Uncle Jerry is one of
my new androids.

I can give him whatever
human form I want. See?

Hurry.

I got her location.

Come on, I'll super speed us.

You can't leave now.

You have company.

Oh, not a good time, dude.

Can you come back later?

BREE: We have to protect
the academy.

Am I close?
Talk me through it.

Giselle's built the most
powerful android I've ever seen.

How are we gonna get past him?

We have to get to Chase.

I just sent you
Giselle's location.

Take Adam and go get him.
We'll cover you.

All right, Adam,
let's go get our mission suits.

Good idea. We wanna look our
best when we're being k*lled.

You guys take the injured
to the infirmary.

Douglas and I will lure the
android into the training room.

You know what?

I'm gonna leave that to you.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Well, today, you're a victim.

Adam and Bree are here.

I knew they'd come for me.

How'd I know?

Because I'm...

Well, if my hands were free,

I'd be pointing at
my head saying brilliant!

Maybe we should sedate him.

Not for the pain, I'm just
sick of hearing him talk.

They may have gotten
past one android,

but let's see how they do
with ten of 'em.

No.

I may be one of
your older models,

but I can easily take those two.

Then do it.

And you, get cutting.

No, please. Wait. Stop.
Please!

[ Loud, echoing shriek ]

You know, I created a team
of bionic superhumans

specifically so others
would fight my battles.

These things aren't human,
they're machines.

There's gotta be
some sort of internal

power source we can take out
so they'll deactivate.

When Giselle and I
built androids in school,

we always fought about where
to store the power source.

I said in the neck
for easy access,

she said in the nose
so it's not exposed.

It's actually why we broke up.

Trust me, that is not
why you broke up.

The point is, I bet his power
source is in his nose.

We just gotta get in
there and shut it down.

I am not sticking
my fingers in his nose.

You can get in there other ways.

Just gonna take you
longer to get there.

You go.
I'll cover you.

Or you could be the victim.

I can't find him anywhere.

Me neither.

- [ Chase shrieking ]
- That's Chase.

He must really be in pain.

Normally, I find
his screams soothing.

Let's go.

Oh, look.
Troy's here.

I should give you two
some alone time.

Adam.

Which one of you should
I take out first?

Giselle?

Okay.

So you have heat vision, huh?

How about super strength?

Boys.

Wait.

You make movies, build robots,

and you can fight?

I know I'm supposed to hate you,

but can I just say,
you go, girl.

This isn't working.

One of us has to distract him

so the other one
can get in that nose,

flip his switch
and shut him down.

You pushed me out
the first time.

You pushed me out the second,

so by my count, you're up again.

Come on, buddy.

You gotta dig.
Get in there!

Come on, this is disgusting.

Got it!

[ Disgusted shriek ]

Did she really have to give
those things robo snot?

Actually, that was my idea.

Whoa. Hey, you tell me
how to do that,

I'll give you Chase's chip.

Giselle.

You may have cool abilities,

but there's one thing
you haven't learned.

Real heroes hit people
when their backs are turned.

Chase!

He's not breathing.

There's no pulse.

Oh, no.
This isn't happening.

Come on, Chase.
Chase, come on.

Adam, Adam.

Adam!

It's over.

He's gone.

And it's all my fault.

I'm the worst brother ever.

All I ever did was punch him

and make fun of him.

I never even told him
I loved him.

Oh, ho.

What a shame.

You arrived too late.

I will destroy you
for what you did to him.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

But why mourn your brother
when you can join him?

Yeah.

Join me in kicking your butt.

- Chase!
- You're alive!

Wait, there's two of you.

I'm having very mixed
emotions right now.

How is this possible?

After you were gone,
I used my molecular kinesis

to redirect the android's
blade to cut me free.

Wait, then who's on the table?

My android replica.

Giselle was foolish enough
to show me how she makes them.

So I distracted her android,

and I made one
that looks like me.

When he tried to take
my chip out,

I took him out.

Well done.

But there's plenty more
where he came from.

I guess androids
aren't immortal after all.

Technically, they're not
dead, just deactivated.

It's a good line,
just go with it.

I am so glad that worked,

because I did not want
to pick 20 noses.

I thought I'd seen
the last of you, Douglas.

Yeah? Well, this time,

I'm breakin' up with you.

Hey!

Troy, it's about time
you got here.

What are you waiting for?

Take them out.

Oh, I will.

But I'm taking you out first.

What?

What are you doing?

Surviving.

You were gonna get rid of me,

so I'm gonna get rid of you.

And once I do,

I'll be in charge
of all your androids.

You?

Please. No one's gonna
take you seriously.

Then I'll make them
take me seriously.

We won't just take out
bionic humans.

We'll take out all humans.

Good-bye, Giselle.

Save me, and I'll
get coffee with you.

Douglas!

Maybe now you'll take me
seriously, human.

Get him!

One more step
and I'll waste her.

Adam, use your blast wave.

No, it'll take you out, too.

Troy has no regard
for human life.

If taking me out means
saving others, then do it.

I can't.

He's gonna take me out anyway.

You might as well
take him out, too.

She's right.

[ laughing ]

They don't have the guts.

It's okay.

[ Heart pounding ]

Not much of a water person.

You owe me a swim.

No!

Adam!

What? I thought
we were doing this.

That was amazing.

How did you know to do that?

I finally realized
why Troy didn't like water.

Old androids must be
like cell phones.

Sophisticated technology,

but if you drop it
in water, it's ruined.

Wait, so does this mean
the role in Bionic Action Hero

is up for grabs?

Wait. Where did
Giselle go?

Oh, man.

The good ones always get away.

I mean...

Oh, no.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, Adam.

Just so you know,

I love you, too.

[ Scoffs ]

Uh, I never said that.

You misheard me.

I can't believe there's not
gonna be a movie made about us.

You know, I do have
a friend from high school

- who produces...
ALL: No!

Chase, I'm sorry.

I can't believe I trusted Troy

just because he was cute.

And tall.

And ripped.

Yeah, well, now he's
m*nled, melted and dead.

Hey, what's important
is that everyone's okay.

Yeah, Giselle is still
out there,

but without her androids,
she's powerless.

She's got nothin' left.

Come on.

It's gotta be
around here somewhere.

[ Instrument beeping ]

[ beeping intensifies ]

There we go.

Troy was such a disappointment.

But you won't be.

Hello, Marcus.