08x05 - Saab Story

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Royal Pains"...

Hank, I want to apply to medical school.

Us guys can have such fragile egos.

About IVF?

Just one more viable
way of making a baby.

Why didn't you say something?

Because you're the one

who's going to have
to take all the dr*gs

and have the procedures.

Your father blames himself

for all of your relationship problems.

- What do you mean?
- He's afraid

you've become more like him
than he ever wanted you to be,

and he thinks that's why you
can't seem to settle down.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

No, thank you very much.

Absolutely, yeah.

No, I'll call again next week. Yep. Bye.

Damn it!

- Hello.
- Hi.

Thank you for joining me.

Thanks for calling me.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

Raj says he's too tired

to go walking with me this morning.

I don't know. I think
he's up to something.

Ha ha. What would Raj be up to?

Would you want to spend your morning

with three crying toddlers?

- Uh...
- Exactly.

- He's up to something.
- Right.

So that phone call...
is everything okay?

Not really.

I'm still waitlisted at Johns Hopkins.

You know what?

I just have to accept that I'm going to

need to go to my second
choice medical school.

Hey, hey, Stony Brook is
nothing to feel down about.

They have a great program.

You know a former teacher of
mine, my mentor, in fact?

- He works there now.
- You're kidding. Who?

Dr. Joseph Whitcomb.

He's a pioneer in the field
of emergency medicine.

The man is brilliant. Inspiring.

Well, I'm intrigued.

Why have you never mentioned him before?

I didn't want to add any
pressure to your decision,

but he could definitely
dispel some of your doubts.

So if it would be helpful,

I could arrange for you two to meet.

Yeah.

I'd love to meet your mentor.

Done and done.

Hey.

Aw, didn't sleep again?

No, but it worked out.

I spent the night researching
everything early Americana

for my meeting with Ms.
Jeffries later today.

Oh, is she the, uh, the hoarder?

When clients are as wealthy as Ms.
Jeffries,

we call them "collectors."

Sorry.

But yes, she has a lot of things,

and she's finally ready to sell.

And we want her selling
with Berger & Lawson.

[RAPID BEEPING]

I just hope I have enough
energy to impress.

These ovarian stimulation meds
are wreaking serious havoc.

Are you still nauseous?

And tired and bloated.

It's like being pregnant without
actually being pregnant.

Well, I know how hard
it's been, but, uh...

hey, at least when your
follicles hit 16 millimeters...

- 18 millimeters.
- Isn't that what I said?

No, you said 16. I need to get to 18.

That's when I can get the trigger sh*t.

Right. The trigger sh*t, of course.

How could I have forgotten
the trigger sh*t?

It's all about the trigger sh*t.

Yeah.

Well, maybe today's the day.

I'll know after the ultrasound.

- We should call it T day.
- Hmm.

Just don't tell Thanksgiving.

Ha ha ha. Yeah.

Exactly. Don't, uh...

don't tell Thanks...

♪ Out came the sun and ♪

♪ Dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy-bitsy spider ♪

♪ Was [MUTTERS] totally drained ♪

♪ From all the climbing ♪

Went back down the drain?

Went off to sunny Spain?

What did the spider do?
I can't remember.

I believe he crawled up the spout again.

Right.

That's exactly what he did. Okay.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪

♪ Went up... ♪

Are you sure this is what Raj wants?

Cut. Yes. Very sure.

Raj said he wanted clips
of Divya's friends

entertaining the baby,
as they have with Sashi,

because the new baby will
be growing up in Baltimore.

Yeah, or Stony Brook.

[SIGHS]

I just... I hate thinking
about her leaving.

I understand, but I'm on a deadline.

Raj wanted this ready for the
surprise shower tomorrow.

And why did Raj ask you to do this?

I was president of the audio/visual club

- in high school.
- Oh.

- Ready now?
- Yes. Absolutely.

Um... sorry about all the interruptions.

Here we go.

♪ The itsy... ♪

Action.

- ♪ The its... ♪
- Action.

I'm sorry, do you say "action"
before I start, or...

Mm-hmm.

In your own time.

♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪

- ♪ Went up the... ♪
- Hank.

- Keller.
- I need a place to hide.

Cut. Actually, we're
filming a segment here.

That little pissant!
Think of how much work

I put in that photo sh**t.
I was so ready.

Look at me. Don't I look ready?

- You look agitated.
- Well, wouldn't you be?

I have no idea what we're talking about.

The sh**t, Hank. I'm talking...
I'm trying to...

- Deep breaths.
- I'm telling you.

I... all right, I got to sit down.

Yeah, please. Have a seat.

Your stress level is concerning me.

I got out of there pretty fast.

I had to pack a bag, right?

I had to make it look believable.

How dare that kid!

Hey, are you having any chest pains?

Yeah. I'm actually feeling
a little bit winded.

You're also tachycardic and sweaty.

Hank, we should work him up

for a possible myocardial infarction.

- Mm-hmm.
- What the hell is that?

A heart att*ck.

♪ ♪

If that kiss-ass ingrate
gave me a heart att*ck...

You were most likely in
supraventricular tachycardia,

but the carotid vagal maneuver

has got you back in normal sinus rhythm.

The EKG might give us a fuller
picture of what is wrong.

It's probably just a panic att*ck.

I'm still not clear on
what got you so worked up.

You... you walked out of a photo sh**t?

No. Not just any photo sh**t.

I was gonna be in "Sports Illustrated."

With other agents?

Not just any agents.

Superstar agents with their
superstar athlete clients.

I set the whole thing up.
It's called "Naked Ambition."

But it's tasteful naked. It's not p*rn.

- Oh, okay.
- So I get to the sh**t,

and I find out I'm standing next
to Rick "The Prick" Peterson.

He's this junior agent in
the same agency as me.

Turns out he's stolen one
of my prospective clients.

Total douche move.

How do you know he stole your client?

Well, it's what I would have done.

It's what I did do.

But the guy was old.
He was off his game.

It wasn't like I took
down a lion in his prime.

About that...

Looks like your heart
isn't quite in its prime.

There are some nonspecific ST-T changes.

Q waves. Left atrial and left
ventricular hypertrophy.

Something unnatural

is causing the chambers
of your heart to dilate.

I will schedule an echocardiogram.

Good. Thank you.

So I'm the wounded antelope
instead of the lion?

No, no, no. No. No.

- That cannot happen.
- Listen to me.

- No, that...
- Listen to me.

If I'm going to help you, I
need to know what's wrong,

and the only way that's going to happen

is if you get a more thorough workup.

I'm supposed to be on my way to Miami

to care for my sick dad.

It's the only way I could put
the kibosh on the photo sh**t.

Your father d*ed when
we were in college.

I know... isn't it great

he can finally do something nice for me?

- Okay.
- Look. I can't risk anybody

from my agency finding out that
I'm still in the Hamptons,

especially Peterson.

I got to figure out a way to
get that Gen Y triathlon butt

kicked off of my photo sh**t.

You'll have plenty of time
to do that in the cath lab.

Look, I'm sure you're scared.

- I'm not scared.
- Okay. Okay.

I'm terrified.

Hey, what...

Did I miss our appointment?

I told you last night

I had to move it because of that
appraisal with the hoarder.

I mean "collector."

Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot.

How'd it go?

It's not T day.

My follicles have stalled at 16,

but the doctor said not to worry.

It doesn't mean that they won't
grow to 18 by tomorrow, so...

So maybe T day will be soon?

Maybe.

Look.

I really want to be more helpful to you,

so I went online to see
if there's some way

to help with your "side effects,"

and I found something
really interesting.

Oh, that's good. Okay.

When you said side effects why
did you use "air quotes"?

- Oh, did I do that?
- Yeah. It was so weird.

I didn't even know. I know...
well, I did that

because it turns out a lot of
your symptoms are psychosomatic.

That means you can stop having them.

[LAUGHS] Oh!

- Isn't that great?
- That's so good to know.

- So I can just stop being tired.
- Yeah.

- And bloated.
- Yeah.

- And nauseous.
- Uh, yeah.

And this runny nose isn't real.

No, no, no. I'm not saying
your side effects aren't real,

babe, at all. They're real.

It's just your mind
that's creating them,

not your hormones.

So I can help you,

and together we can stop them.

- Oh, we can stop them.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Can "we" stop the rash
on my injection site

and the river of sweat that
is dripping down my back,

or is this just not real either?

- Shh. Paige, all I'm...
- Did you just shush me?

[SOFTLY] Look, I work here, so...

Oh, my God. You did just shush me.

- I...
- Well, guess what.

I don't need to interrupt your work,

because I work too.

Or is that just in my head?

[FALSETTO] Radiation isn't a plaything,

but a half-life is better
than no life at all.

Hello... Divya's baby.

This is Madam Curie, your big
sister's favorite puppet.

[CLEARS THROAT] Course, I know
you're too young currently

to understand about radiation,

but Madam Curie was a
very important scientist.

She was also a mom.

Did you know that I...

I knew your mom before she
went to medical school

and became a doctor?

She was...

she was a very, very special person,

and I... I know that if...

if you can listen to her,

you will grow up to be
a very fine person.

Uh, c-cut all that.

Take two.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hello? Dr. Whitcomb?

Uh...

Oh, gosh. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to wake you.

I-I wasn't sleeping. I was reading.

Call me Joe.

Okay, sure. I'll, uh, I'll call you Joe.

Did I say something funny?

No. No, not at all. I...

You just remind me of
another doctor that I know.

Who are you? What do you want?

Sorry. I'm Divya Katdare.
I have an appointment.

Oh. Oh, then come in and
close the door behind you.

You're letting all the cold air out.

Yeah, it's, uh... it's
rather cool in here.

Women are more sensitive
to cold than men.

So what can I do for you?

And please make it quick.

I don't want to be late
for my grand rounds.

Of course. I'd like to talk
about the medical program

at Stony Brook.

I've been admitted for
the fall semester,

though I haven't formally accepted.

You're entering medical school?

Yes. I'm due five weeks
before the semester begins,

which I know will be a challenge,

but I've been working as a
PA for several years now.

Another eager beaver.

Well, I'm afraid you're
gonna have to wait

until second semester to shadow me.

I do not accept first semester students.

Oh, no. I'm here because
of a mutual friend

who recommended that we meet.

- Oh, who?
- Hank Lawson.

He, uh, he worked under
you in Brooklyn I think.

Yes, I remember him. [CHUCKLES]

I was under the impression that, uh,

Dr. Lawson had quit practicing
medicine some time ago.

No, not at all.

He's a concierge doctor in the Hamptons.

Like I said. Now, if you'll excuse me.

No, my flight was delayed,

but luckily my dad's still breathing.

Yeah, I'm in the hospital right now.

I'm waiting for his
echocardiogram results.

- Make yourself at home.
- Oh, hey.

My dad's doctor's here,
so I got to bounce.

Thanks. I will. Jerk.

- Him. Not you.
- Oh, what a relief.

Ken, I got your test results.

Man, I never really appreciated

what a cozy little setup you got here.

You got the spa and the pool table.

You got some cool décor. You
got some taste, Lawson.

Did you pick this stuff out yourself,

or did you schtup some
internal decorator?

Neither. It all came with the place.

What I own could fit in a suitcase.

Ken, your echo results...

My heart's messed up. I know. I know.

How'd you know?

You called me "Ken" twice.

You never call me by my first name,

so I know it must be bad.

Am I right?

Um...

The test confirmed cardiomyopathy.

Heart failure.

Something is damaging your heart,

and we need to figure out what.

Have you been using?

Using... What, using dr*gs?

I mean, I feel the temptation
sometimes, but no.

I can't bounce back the
next day the way I used to.

- Right.
- What else could be the cause?

Well, there's a chance
it could be diabetes

or something genetic, even viral.

The lab work will help narrow it down.

I've also made an appointment
for you to see a cardiologist.

Hank, when did we get old?

We're not old. Just old... er.

Yeah, but I'm not ready for
achy joints and hearing loss

and my hair falling out

and popping up in places it shouldn't.

You're 40-something, not 80.

And yet I'm holding the
card of a cardiologist.

Yeah.

It's so strange... I always
thought I'd live a long life.

Well, no one is saying you won't.

Can you tell me for sure that I will?

Ken... I mean, Keller...

I think I need to be alone.

Okay.

Okay.

- Do you mind?
- Oh, you... yeah. Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

I thought you guys were
still at the hospital.

Well, we just got back.

Okay. Was everything okay?

Yeah. Hoping it will be.

So how was Whitcomb?

Busy.

He didn't seem to have much time for me.

What? He didn't give you a warm welcome?

Not from him or his office.

It was kind of like a meat locker.

I'm surprised it didn't go well.

Honestly, it couldn't have gone worse.

He was hostile.

The only excuse I could think
of is maybe he's a day drinker.

He sure was chugging something,

and it didn't seem to quench his thirst.

Wait a second... are you
sure you saw the right guy?

Well, yeah. Mm...

This is the man that I met.

I Googled him before the meeting.

Yeah. That's him, but...

wow, he's aged.

Well, whatever his reasons,
he didn't seem to like me.

And just so you know,

he is no big fan of yours either.

- Really?
- The nicest thing

I could say about him
is he's a total grouch.

I think I know why.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Everything okay, honey?

I had a fight with Evan.

He basically called me
crazy, which is crazy.

Men can be such jerks.

Oh, no offense.

Some taken.

Listen, I know how hard you've worked

trying to pry Ms. Jeffries'
grip off her valuables,

and I am fully prepared...

Good, because she's cash poor,

and if I am going to
help the dear goose,

it's now or never. I
can't risk any missteps.

Have I ever made a misstep?

No, but you've also never
shown up wearing earrings

that don't complement your jaw line.

Your top button is pulling,
which the Paige I know

never tolerate, and...

dare I say I see moisture
on your upper lip,

which can only be a warning

of sweat rings about to
bloom at any moment.

- No offense.
- Some taken.

Wow, my stimulation meds are...
really stimulating.

You sure you want to do this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

Yeah, let's go.

[BOTH INHALE DEEP, EXHALE]

Make yourself comfortable.

Ms. Jeffries will be down shortly.

Thank you.

This place is a gold mine.

[BOTH LAUGHING QUIETLY]

I spy with my little eye

an authentic Paul Revere tea service.

That teapot alone is worth a fortune.

- Do you see the mark?
- Oh.

Look at that adorable bear.

I think even Ms. Jeffries can
relegate that to the dustbin.

Look at the craftsmanship,

and he's been loved to death,

and his little ear's all chewed.

And someone loved you, didn't they?

[SNIFFLES]

♪ Once upon a time, sweet
little furry bear ♪

[SNIFFLES]

I'll show myself out.

Dr. Whitcomb.

Ha ha ha.

Two Hamptonites in one day.

What have I done to deserve this honor?

Joe, I just found out
that Lenore passed away.

I'm so sorry.

- She was a fine woman.
- She was.

I liked her very much.

Yeah, I remember.

It's been a few years,
but you look the same.

And you've lost a few pounds,

but no surprise.

I remember how Lenore liked to feed you.

Well, I had a few pounds to spare.

Excuse me, I, uh, have some, uh,

patients to take care of.

My physician assistant
got the impression

that you were upset with
me, and, Joe, look,

I know I've been lousy

at staying in contact
over the past few years,

but you gave me my start in medicine.

- I owe you so much.
- You owe me nothing.

Then why?

Why do you seem so angry?

You were the most promising
ER physician I ever trained.

I-I-I favored you,
took you into my home.

You said you would commit to Brooklyn.

I thought, "Wow, I finally

found somebody I could
really trust to replace me."

Hah!

Hey, hey, hey. I wanted
to stay in Brooklyn,

- but they didn't want me.
- No, you didn't.

If you wanted to stay, you
would have put up a fight,

like I did for you.

- And I appreciated it.
- Oh, sure.

You waltzed off to the Hamptons
to do boobs and Botox.

How much weight have you lost, Joe?

- What are you talking about?
- Weight loss.

You're drinking water like a
man with serious dehydration.

I am old. I am grieving,

and I don't need you to diagnose me!

Has anyone diagnosed you?

Divya mentioned your office is freezing.

- You also keep rubbing your eyes.
- For God's sakes.

I got work to do!

Real work.

Joe.

Are you okay?

Joe!

- Joe, are you okay?
- [STAMMERING]

Hey, I need a gurney and a crash cart.

- Tell them it's for Dr. Whitcomb.
- Okay.

Okay... don't move.

Don't move... I want to make sure
you didn't break anything, okay?

Where do you hurt?

No, I-I'm fine. I'm fine.

Okay.

Can you move your arms and legs?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

Okay, good. Nexus negative.

All right.

But you're definitely running a fever.

- Your thyroid.
- What about it?

It's enlarged.

Hypertensive.

[GROANS]

- Irregularly irregular.
- Oh, boy.

Joe, are you experiencing
heat sensitivity?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Does your vision get blurry?
- Oh, does it!

Combined with your dehydration...

- Is it what I think it is?
- Graves disease.

Not only that, I think you're in
the middle of a thyroid storm.

Over here! Hurry.

I'm with you, Joe. You
just hang in there, okay?

Hey.

- Hi.
- Wow.

You can shut the door, and
please sit on the stool.

Oh, this is cool.

You done this before?

I've made a film at every film reunion.

It allowed me to be with family,

- but at a sufficient remove.
- Yeah.

The only thing more stressful

than being with family's
trying to start one.

All right. You ready?

- Commence nursery rhyme.
- Okay, great.

Well, this one is a showstopper.

It's my favorite of all time,

but it's one you might
not have heard of.

It's called "Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling."

[AHEM]

- Diddle, diddle...
- Do you have another one?

That one's been used.

What? Who used it?

What do you mean it's been...
who... who...

who would use that?

Hi, cute baby.

I'm going to be reading you
"Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling."

"Diddle, diddle, dumpling.

"My son John went to bed
with his pants still on.

"One shoe off, and one shoe on.

Diddle, diddle"...

I think I might have screwed that up.

She knows it's my favorite.
Why would she do that?

Anyway, all I know for sure

is that Evan's mom used to
read this to him every night

before he went to bed.

I'm going to try not to cry.

She stopped by yesterday, so...

- Okay.
- Hold on.

He still loves it,

and, uh, if there's any mom out there

who can raise a child to
be as funny and smart

and kind as my sweet husband,

it's you, Divya.

Oh, I think I got off topic again.

Evan?

I'm never going to finish this.

You were right. Graves disease.

All right. Take me
through the treatments.

Beta blockers and PTU
to control my symptoms

and stop thyroid hormone synthesis.

And after a few days,
radioactive iodine.

- How'd I do?
- You show great promise.

I'll be in touch with the staff
to monitor your progress

and will stay on top of
research for a cure.

Hey, Hank, you saved my life.

You've done enough.

I want to keep looking.

A great doctor once told me,

"Never assume treatments
will not get better."

You know, I now remember
why you were my favorite.

The other students were restless.

They... they couldn't commit.

All they wanted to do was leave...

and you were ready to
make Brooklyn home.

You once told me that your
big dream was to settle down

and dedicate your life to my ER.


wait to set down roots.

Those bastards never
should have fired you.

Believe it or not, those
bastards did me a favor.

Losing that job changed
everything for me.

In a good way.

I hope you can forgive me.

I hope you can forgive me.

I really misjudged the kind
of doctor you've become.

And thank heaven you're still
a hell of a diagnostician.

I learned it all from you.

Listen, one more thing, and
please don't break my heart.

The Saab you bought from me.
Is it still running?



[LAUGHING] Like me!

[LAUGHS]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Need a little help over there?
- I got it. I got it.

Yeah, okay.

Anybody heard from Raj?
What's their ETA?

- Good morning.
- Whatever.

♪ ♪

Are you wearing my bathrobe
and hoodie and sweats?

♪ ♪

No, please. Just keep 'em.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

- Is he okay?
- Yeah.

I'll go check on him.

♪ ♪

- What can I do to help you?
- Oh, no.

I'm good. I just finished here.

All right.

What else needs to be done?

You know, I can handle it.

I know, but I want to help you.

Let me do this. Let me
just do this, okay?

I like doing cupcakes. Say when.

Oh, that's not really great.

It's okay. I'm going to fix it.

Look, just going to consolidate
some of this stuff...

- Uh...
- And, uh...

Maybe I should help with something else.

Yeah.

[BEEPING]
- I got it. I got it!

'Cause I want to be helpful.
Oh, it's not a call.

Yes. No, it's time for a sh*t.

I've got this, really.

- That's Raj. They're coming.
- It's happening.

- They're coming.
- It's happening!

- It's happening!
- Hank? Hank?

Yeah. Oh.

Come on, Keller. Come on.

Evan, come on.

Keller, finish the call, and hide.

We're hiding!

No, Peterson. I'm still in Florida.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do the words heart
failure, heart disease

and cardio-something-or-other
mean nothing to you?

My father could be dying,
you understand, facing

an eternity of nothingness
- Get off the phone!

Shh, shh, shh! And you're
worried about some photo sh**t?

Show some class, you schmuck.

Damn, that felt good.

It was a work call.

Keller?

What just happened?

- No pulse.
- I'll get the paddles.

- Good.
- Uh, yeah, hi.

We need an ambulance right away.



Yeah, Shadow Pond. That's right.

Come on, Ken.

[POWER UP WHINE]

Surpri...

Clear!

- What's wrong?
- Keller's in V fib. Surprise.

Okay. I'll start an IV and push epi.

We'll need amiodarone too.

All right. Paramedics are on the way.

Clear!

Come on, Keller.

Boy, that's a flatline.

Keller's flatlining right now?

Come on, Ken. Come on.

He's going to make it, right?

Ken Keller is not going to die.

Not on my floor, and not in my sweats.

Okay. He's no longer in asystole.

He's back in V fib.
Let's shock him again.

Everyone, stand back.

[POWER UP WHINE]

Damn it. Damn it. Stay with us.

I'll intubate.

[WHEEZING GASP]

Alive! I'm alive.

His pulse is pounding.

Keller, what the hell have you
been injecting yourself with?

Thanks.

Hi.

If you've come to see
Paige, she's not here.

Oh, no. I'm actually here to see you.

You have something on your shirt.

It's frosting.

I need your help.

I need to get a gift for Paige,

and I heard her talking to her
mom about some teddy bear.

I'd like to buy it.

Oh.

Wow. This is it?

That is it. And put it down.

You can't buy it.

Why not?

Thanks to your remarkable
wife's keen eye for valuables,

I did some research, and
that dusty mohair bear

is a one-of-a-kind Steiff.

Price is no object.

Starting bid in the high six figures.

I just need to get her
something really special.

She's been having a hard time lately,

and I haven't been very helpful

at all, really.

And a gift will help you fix that?

- Right.
- Wrong.

It's a bribe.

Well, I can't just say I'm sorry.

Nor should you.

Those words will only
mean "I'm not listening.

"I'm not taking accountability,

and whatever I did, I
will just do it again."

If you truly want to apologize...

I do.

You need to say, "I hear you."

Well, that's easy.

- "I understand."
- That's easy too.

And then don't do it again.

That could be hard.

Steroids? Really?

I know. I know, Lawson.

I stopped taking them a month ago.

Why did you take them at all?

Of course.

You wanted to look good
for a photo sh**t.

For "Sports Illustrated."

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I knew you'd
get all judge-y on me.

You almost got all dead-y on me.

I mean, you have no idea

how stressful the corporate world is...

competing with kids like Peterson.

They don't want to earn
their way to the top.

They just want to leapfrog up there.

So I did what I had to do.

But, yes, I should have told you.

Trust me. I'll never take them again.

Well, if you want the damage to
your heart to reverse itself,

that's probably a good idea.

You don't have to worry.

Because of you, I've seen the light.

Okay. You're scaring me.

You saved me to inspire me.

And now I'm terrified. [LAUGHS]

How could I inspire you?

Well, you live like a 20-year-old.

- That's ridiculous.
- Look at your life.

Unlike your brother or Divya,

you haven't settled in at all
since you started HankMed.

You've got no possessions, no mortgage,

no girlfriend, no boss.

You've got nothing.

That sounds awful.

I used to think it was
weird and creepy too.

- Oh.
- But now I realize

that's what's keeping you so
healthy and looking so young.

You're like this healthy young bird

just flying around totally free.

If I could live like you,

be like you...

maybe I could be happy.

But first I have to be a new person.

I have to be a different person.

I have to make a huge change.

I'm selling my houses.
Everything in 'em.

And I'm moving to L.A.

California? That's...

that's your big change?

It's the perfect place for me.

Nobody gets old there.

Who knows? Maybe a year from now

I can be alone on the cover
of "Sports Illustrated"

living in my own swanky guest house.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

but... I think I'm gonna miss you.

Of course you are.

Come here. Bring it in.

- Well, uh...
- Hey! Bring it in.

Okay. All right. Let's do it.

There you go, Keller.

Ooh.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Yep. This is happening.

- Hmm.
- We good?

No. Not yet.

I think we're good.

Okay.

Is it true?

Doctor called this afternoon.

My follicles have grown to 18.

So it's the end of stimulation?

- It's the end of stimulation.
- It's finally T day.

It's finally T day.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's awesome.

So I'll give myself the trigger sh*t,

and if all goes well

we could be pregnant by
the end of the month.

Wow.

Just like that.

Okay.

You should probably go now.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait.

I'm not leaving you.

Evan, it's okay. I can do this.

So can I.

Okay.

Okay, I'm going to pinch the skin,

- and you go for it.
- All right.

I'll just go for it. [AHEM]

Yeah. Okay. Ready?

One.

Two.

BOTH: Three.

[SIGHS]

We did it.

[THUD]

- Cupcake?
- Thanks. Almost ready.

Oh, good.

That's amazing, 'cause I
never knew it before.

Oh, thanks, baby.

But I have a fear of needles.

Trypanophobia. I had it too.

Really?

Was it me, or did the
trigger sh*t seem huge?

Oh, yeah.

I don't even like talking about it.

- Come on.
- Okay, okay.

Maybe like 24-25.

All right. Thank you.

It's not just what Keller said

about how I live like a 20-year-old.

It's also what Whitcomb reminded me of.

How I wanted to live.

It sounds like you had
very specific goals

when you worked in Brooklyn.

Yeah, but why did I
abandon them when I left?

It's like I never allowed myself
to really set roots down.

Maybe because you thought your stay here

was going to be temporary.

Yeah, but I've been here for years.

I'm still living in somebody
else's guest house.

Okay. Maybe now you're ready to commit.

I am.

No more holding back.

Yeah.

Hopefully we'll both be
out of limbo very soon.

Yeah. Oh, that reminds me.

Dr. Whitcomb was in so much pain

when you saw him, he
truly wasn't himself.

He feels terrible about the
way he handled things,

and he hopes you'll meet
with him again soon.

Okay, so about Stony Brook...

I'm ready.

Everyone, please gather
around the movie screen.

- Oh. Later?
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

Divya, I asked Jeremiah,
and he very kindly agreed

to make a special movie for the shower.

Yes. There were some
technical challenges

which I won't belabor,

although maybe you'd enjoy
hearing how I sh*t on Super 8

and digitized to an mpeg video
file for post production

and then did a kinescope
transfer back to Super 8

for projection. Just kidding.

Excessive detail.

- Good one, Jeremiah.
- Thanks.

But seriously, Raj,
Divya, this is for you.

Here we go.

[CLICKING]

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

couldn't put Humpty together again.

I wonder if Mr. Humpty ever had
four children under three?

Diddle, diddle, dumpling.

My son John went to bed
with his pants still on.

This is how you read it?
You didn't do the voice.

"Diddle, diddle dum... "

I think I might have screwed that up.

[LAUGHTER]
- ♪ Out came the sun ♪

♪ And dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider ♪

♪ Climbed up that spout again ♪

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

Hickory dickory dock.

The mouse ran up the c...
I can't do this.

I really wanted to do
"Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling."

I can't... Aw.

If there's any mom who can
raise a son to be as sweet...

- Son? You're having a boy?
- I was just...

I was just talking out loud.

I don't know what I was saying.

As my sweet husband it's you, Divya.

Hello, sibling of Sashi.

This is your Uncle Hank.

You will come to know
me as the smart one,

the fun one, the cool one.

No, no, no. Listen. I am your favorite.

I am Uncle Evan, okay?

AKA your mother's favorite
person in the universe.

She loves me so much...

- What?
- Hold on a second.

"In the universe."

I just had an idea.

This is called dancing.

To one of the classics.

['90S HOUSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

We are all so proud of your mother.

[FALSETTO] "Who graduated first
in her class at Johns Hopkins."

"Stony Brook."

"Johns Hopkins." "Stony Brook."

"Einstein... Johns Hopkins."

We cannot wait to meet you.

We love you already.

That's "Evan."

Evan. E-V-A...

Hi, Mommy and the new baby.

Hi, Mommy.

- Whoo!
- Yeah.

Awesome, awesome.

Please. It is a work in progress.

And I loved it.

Wow.

This is going to be much more
difficult than I thought.

For the first time I think I'm realizing

that this baby won't be growing up

surrounded by you guys every
day the way Sashi has.

Okay. I am not going to
think about it, though,

because if I do, I'm
going to start crying,

and I probably won't be able to stop.

So, um... thank you, Raj.

And thank you, Jeremiah.

Thank you all.

I hope you all know how much I love you.

Yes, even you, Evan.

Thank you.

So, uh... I am not going to Stony Brook.

You're going to Johns Hopkins!

Oh, my... you got in? That's amazing!

I knew you would be accepted.

No, uh... I'm still waitlisted.

I decided on the way
here, and Raj agrees,

that if I don't get
into my first choice,

then I'll try again next year.

When it comes to this dream,
I do not want to settle.

And I won't.

Good for you, Divs.

- I know you'll get in.
- Thank you.

Divya, really, I'm so happy for you.

I'm just... I'm a little surprised.

I mean... it's kind of a big risk, no?

Are you sure?

Yes. I've already called Stony Brook,

and someone on their waitlist
will be accepted in my place.

- Oh.
- You can always do research

with me here during the winter.

And work at HankMed. This
is gonna be awesome.

Thank you.

Oh!

[MELLOW FOLK TUNE]

♪ ♪

Really?

♪ ♪

Are you kidding me?

Yeah.

[MELLOW TUNE CONTINUES]

♪ ♪