07x12 - A New Home and a Traditional Texas t*rture

[bunniefuu]

Only 42 days until I go to Caltech.

That can't be right.

Oh, it is. It's in my calendar, too.

You don't have to be
so excited about it.

It's a little late to
pretend that I like him.

There's still so much to do before
I go: write my graduation speech,

last trip to the comic book store,

last lunch with Tam at the high school.

I didn't know you and
Tam were still friends.

- Why would you think that?
- Because you never see him.

My favorite kind of friend.

Well, make sure you leave
room for the family photo,

because that is definitely
happening before you go away.

Seriously? That bluebonnet thing?

That is so lame.

It is not lame. It is a Texas tradition.

ADULT SHELDON: For those
of you who don't know

what my mother is talking about,

it's this and this and all these.

Forcing your family to
dress in matching outfits

and be photographed in a
field of fire ants and bees

is a traditional Texas t*rture

dating back to the Great Depression.

Are they depressed
because of financial ruin?

No, it's the picture.

I'm pretty booked up,

but I'll try and pencil
you in if time permits.

I bought the outfits,
I booked the photographer.

- You're doing it.
- Doing what?

That bluebonnet photo.

Aw, come on. I don't want to.

If he doesn't have to...

We are all doing it, and
we're all gonna be happy

whether you like it or not.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

[KNOCKING]

Hey, Tom, you wanted to see me?

Uh, yeah, why don't you close the door.

That always makes me nervous.

No, it's good.

Then why can't the door stay open?

Fine, leave it open.

Eh, I already closed it.

[GROANS] So, what's up?

Well, George, you've
had a hell of a season.

[SCOFFS]

Now I wish the door was open.

I got a buddy who coaches at
Rice who was asking about you.

Great college.

So, what'd you tell him?

Well, I told him you
wouldn't be interested,

you're pretty happy here.

What? Why would you do that?

So you're not happy here?

Wha... No, of course I'm
happy here, it's just...

Aw, I'm just messing with you.

[CHUCKLES] I told them
you'd be a fantastic coach

and they'd be crazy not to take you.

Wow, Tom, I...

I don't know what to say.

You can say no and stay here.

Well, I sure ain't
saying that. [CHUCKLES]

But moving to Houston...
that's a big deal.

That's why I wanted to
give you a heads-up,

so you and Mary could talk
before they make the offer.

Appreciate that.

Congratulations, George.

I've always believed in you.

What about that time you fired me?

We're having a nice
moment, do you have to?

[CHUCKLES]

["GENIUS OF LOVE" BY
TOM TOM CLUB PLAYING]

Hey, Sheldon, what's up?

I'm leaving soon and I want
to remember this place

exactly the way it is.

Mister, could you move?
I don't know you.

- Better.
- Where you going?

- California.
- Oh.

Home of the San Diego Comic-Con.

Rad.

[CHUCKLES]

It's how they talk there.

I didn't realize I was gonna
have to learn another language.

- Well, if I can do it, anyone can.
- Hmm.

Do you know any comic
book stores in Pasadena?

I'm worried I'm not gonna
find any as good as this one.

I like to think a comic book
store is only as good

as the people who hang out in it.

Do you like the people
who hang out in this one?

No.

Mm. I also need to stock up on some
more T-shirts while I'm here.

Yeah, sure. I mean,
you want to look bitchin'.

It's another thing they say in SoCal.

I won't be saying that.

Well, guess I'll see you around.

- You probably won't.
- Okay.

ADULT SHELDON:
And I never saw him again.

Oh, good. Was hoping
to talk to you alone.

- Okay.
- Uh, you want to shut the door?

- Uh-oh.
- No, it's actually pretty exciting.

- Oh, tell me.
- And it's also a little scary.

George, just say it.

I'm getting offered a
coaching job at Rice.

- Really?
- Special teams.

- Wow.
- [CHUCKLES]: Yeah.

And I... I know moving's a big deal,

and-and it's okay
if now's not the right time.

You should take it.

- You sure?
- Well...

[SIGHS]

I mean, Georgie and Mandy
are out of the house,

Sheldon's leaving soon,

and Missy's starting
a new school anyway.

It seems like a good time to do this.

[STAMMERS] What about
your mom and CeeCee?

I'm not saying it's gonna be easy,

but it's not that far away.

Yeah I guess, but...

George, you deserve this.

I mean, college ball...
that's the dream.

Sounds like we're moving to Houston.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

And bless the hands
that prepared it. Amen.

OTHERS: Amen.

Since everyone is here,

there's something we want
to talk to y'all about.

Oh, no, what's wrong now?

It isn't always bad news.

Last time we had a family meeting

it was because Georgie got a
girl pregnant out of wedlock.

Which was great news.

- Eventually.
- It's nothing like that.

I got a job offer from Rice.

A-Roni?

University.

You can understand the mistake.

Your father got offered a coaching job.

George, Congratulations.

College ball... that is a big deal.

- Thank you.
- Wait, where is Rice?

Houston.

Does that mean you'd move?

Well, if I take it, yeah.

So, I'd start high school in Houston?

We know that would be a big change.

I'd get to be the new girl

in a city with malls and a Six Flags.

We were worried you'd be upset.

I'm upset, that's a lot
of babysitters to lose.

I'm still here.

Yeah, but your bedtime's
earlier than CeeCee's.

Only when I'm drinking.

Excuse me, don't I get a say in this?

Why? You're leaving in 41 days.

Doesn't matter, this is still my home.

Shelly, you'll have a new home.

Maybe with a pool.

Ooh, the new girl gets a pool.

Where are you going?

To eat in my room
while I still have one.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Sheldon's upset and Missy's good.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Ooh, the new girl has a
pool. [SHORT CHUCKLE]

[KNOCKING]

Can we talk?

- About you not moving?
- GEORGE SR.: Sheldon.

You know how excited you
are to go to Caltech?

That's how I feel about
going to Houston.

But when I was going to Caltech,

I still had this home to come back to.

You'll still have a room
wherever we end up.

But it won't be my room.
This is my room.

How about this... we will
take all your things with us

and we'll set up your new
room exactly the same.

So, your plan is to gaslight me?

[SIGHS]

I know this is a lot of change,

but sometimes change can be good.

Tell that to the woolly mammoth.

You can't, because they went extinct.

Sheldon, this isn't about you.

This job is good for your
father and our family,

so you're gonna have to deal with it.

Now pick up that plate,
get back out there

and have dinner with your family
while we're all still together.

Yes, ma'am.

Dang. That was hot.

ADULT SHELDON: My world had been rocked,

but it was nice to know
there were some things

that would always stay the same,

like lunch with my old friend, Tam.

Why are we here?

This is where we always eat.

You know I graduated last year.

Oh, good for you. So, where's your food?

When you invited me to lunch,

I thought you meant like a restaurant.

That's okay, I'll share my sandwich.

You still don't eat the crust?

Cutting them off gives
my mother purpose.

So, how have you been?

Good.

I actually have a girlfriend now and...

Oh, I've had a pretty
rough time of it lately.

I'm about to go away to Caltech

and my parents decided to sell
our home and move to Houston.

I mean, that house has my room in it.

Well...

So now some stranger's gonna move in

and turn it into a den,
or worse... a nursery

with a mural of Winnie
the Pooh on the wall.

I think I might ask her to marry me.

Feynman and Einstein have been
on those walls for five years,

and now it's gonna be Tigger
bouncing hither and thither?

Are you at all interested in my life?

No, but thank you for asking.

- Oh, hello.
- What are you doing here?

Taking comfort in the familiar.

Still no wedding ring,
I see. That feels good.

Yeah, feels great.

So, where was I? Right, uh, Houston.

Anyway, my father got
offered a coaching pos...

To solve this problem,
we have to remember

the difference between endothermic

and exothermic reactions.

Hello, Mr. Givens.

Sheldon? Uh, what are you doing here?

Please don't tell me you're teaching.

No. I'm leaving for Caltech soon.
I just wanted to pop in.

Uh, keep reading chapter


Caltech? Fantastic.

For Caltech? I know.

Mm.

Well, I'm sure you're
gonna do great things.

I hope so. I intend to.

I'm being modest. I will.

You're taller, but
you're still the same.

- It's fun, isn't it?
- Okay.

Good luck at Caltech, Sheldon.

I don't believe in luck.

Well, here's hoping
that a random universe

works out in your favor.

Thank you. Bye.

Hmm.

That young man might
change the world someday.

Or blow it up. Who's to say?

All right, moving on.

Is that what you're gonna
wear for the family portrait?

We all are.

Well, that'll be special.

It'll make Mary happy.

Yeah. All your loved ones together.

Are you upset you're not
gonna be in the picture?

Standing in a field full
of pollen with this nose?

- Are you kidding me?
- [KNOCKING]

SHELDON: Meemaw. Meemaw. Meemaw.

Does that mean I have to
say hello three times?

No, that would be crazy.

Agreed. What's up?

How much do you love me?

What do you want?

- I want you to buy our house.
- Why?

So my room is there when I need it.

I thought you couldn't
wait to leave Medford.

Just because I don't want
to come back to a place

doesn't mean I don't
want to have a place

that I don't want to come back to.

That makes sense to me.

Great, let's talk escrow.

It's completely logical.

You don't have your own house
and you always complain

about living with Mr. Ballard.

Wait a minute. You complaining
to him about me?

No. I complain about you near him.

I have excellent hearing.

It doesn't matter. Look, actually,
I'm very happy living with Dale.

Well, first you're complaining,
now you're complimenting?

I can go back to complaining.

No, no, no. Compliment away.

Fine. I really enjoy living with you,

and your... Moose Lodge decor
has come to feel like home.

Now, is that a compliment
or a complaint?

It's a little of both.

- I'll take it.
- So, where are we?

Buy my home outright?

Take over our mortgage?

Interest rates are
looking darn attractive.

Honestly, I can't think of a better
starter home for a new family

such as the one you've
accidentally created.

Do you think we'd be
living with my parents

if we could afford our own house?

Well, the history of
banking in this country

is rife with ill-advised
loans made to poor people.

You could be their next mistake.

CeeCee would have her own room

and we'd have an extra bedroom
for whatever we want.

Actually, I'd like my
room to stay as is,

but when you accidentally
have more kids, we can talk.

- It's happened once bef...
- No.

Okay.

Why on Earth would I buy your house?

Not you, the university.

Okay, why would the
university buy your house?

We've been over this. Someday,
I'm going to win a Nobel Prize.

My childhood bedroom is in said home.

It's gonna be like the
thinking man's Graceland.

Okay, stop.

You know, I've always gone out of my way

to do anything to make you happy.

- I love that about you.
- But...

now, how can I say this nicely...

you're Caltech's problem
now, so, yay. [CHUCKLES]

But if my parents sell it,

I have no reason to come back.

Sheldon, is it possible that
what you're upset about

is going away to California?

No, I'm excited about that.

Well, things can be exciting
and scary at the same time.

True. Once, on a dare,
I ate a Sour Patch Kid.

I thought I was gonna die.
You would not believe the puckering.

- But now it makes a terrific story.
- Oh, riveting.

Anyway, it's okay to have
complicated feelings.

Maybe you're focusing
on your parents' move

because that's easier than
focusing on what lies ahead.

What do you think lies ahead?

I don't know. You're moving far away.

I am, and I don't know anyone there.

And I'm scared of the ocean,
and they have earthquakes.

What am I doing?
Maybe I should stay here.

Oh. Oof.

I mean... [SCOFFS]
Well, you could, but...

Uh... No, Professor
Hawking is at Caltech.

He will be very disappointed
if you don't show up

and-and tell him that Sour Patch story.

- Good point.
- Great point.

Plus, I'm never gonna win a Nobel Prize

at this third-rate university.

Second-rate.

Now, get out of here.

I don't want you to see me cry.

Thank you. I don't want
to see that either.

One more down. You can do it, Linda.

MARY: I know it looks a little
lived in, but it's got good bones.

Yeah. How much can we get for it?

Well, I need to see
the rest of the house.

Of course, yeah.

And we recently redid the plumbing.

And that was pricey. Write that down.

And, uh, this is our daughter's room.

We told her to clean
up, but no promises.

Oh, hello, ma'am.

What a charming room.

It's been such a blessing
to grow up here.

I just hope some lucky family
loves it as much as I have.

I'm sure they will.

Well, I'm gonna pray on it.

Okay. Moving on.

This is our little boy's room.

[GEIGER COUNTER CLICKING]

Might want to stay there
until I finish my sweep.

What are you doing?

You said the realtor
was coming over today.

I wanted to make sure my room
wasn't still radioactive.

Oh, it was never radioactive.

We don't know that. I did
have radioactive material.

There was no radioactive material.

The FBI stopped him before he got any.

Oh, you're talking about
the uranium I tried to buy.

I'm referring to the americium isotopes

I was using to make a nuclear reactor.

Don't write that down.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Should you be up there?

Yeah, the realtor said
we'd get a better price

if the roof was in good shape.

- I'm just taking a look.
- Yeah, but a man your age.

And size.

Did you come out here to insult me?

Mom sent me out here to help.

The insults just come natural.

Well, I'm fine.

You even know what you're looking for?

Broken shingles, loose flashing.

Loose flashing? How
do you even know that?

Is it weird that I know things?

Not weird, just surprising.

[SIGHS]

Well, one day, you're gonna own a house,

you're gonna need to
learn this stuff, too.

No, I'm gonna make enough money

to where I can pay
somebody else to do it.

I'd love to see that.

Oh, now you're making fun of me.

No, I mean it.

'Cause I got a plan. I'm gonna be rich.

Yeah, what's your plan?

To be rich.

Well, I'll give you one thing.

- You got confidence.
- Thank you.

You get a second thing,
you'll be unstoppable.

Sounds like I'm halfway there.

I suppose you are.

- Missy.
- Yeah?

- Missy.
- What?

- Missy.
- What?

Are you nervous about
moving to a new city?

Nope.

But you won't know anyone.

That's the best part.

I won't be the dumb sister
of the smartest boy in town.

You're not going to brag about me?

Hell, no. I'm gonna tell people
you were sent away

to a school for special kids.

Caltech is a school for special kids.

Great, it works on two levels.

Are you nervous?

Yes.

What if no one likes me in California?

No one likes you here.

No one understands me here.
There's a difference.

Well, I'm sure there'll be a
bunch of smart other weirdos

at "Cowtech."

- Cow tech?
- Yeah.

Caltech.

Like calculators?

Like California.

Oh. Mm. I like mine better.

Well, I'm sure you'll
make lots of friends.

Maybe even a smart, weird girlfriend.

I have a girlfriend.
Her name is science.

Cool. When do you leave?

I'm guessing you don't
have classes today?

How'd you know?

'Cause you're dressed
like a six-year-old.

Don't say that. He looks... fun.

Thank you.

Don't forget... we have
the family portrait today.

Do we really have to stand
in a field of flowers?

- Yes.
- If you're worried about getting stung,

I have a backup beekeeper uniform.

You are not wearing a beekeeper
uniform in the picture.

Please? It'll really help my story

about him going to a special school.

What's happening?

We are leaving for the
bluebonnet picture at 4:00.

- Don't be late.
- Wouldn't miss it.

Hey, you want a ride to school?

Nah, I'll take the bus.

Suit yourself.

See y'all later.

Four o'clock.

If I get stung by a bee,

I'm turning you in to
child protective services.

There you go.

[GEORGE JR. CHUCKLES]

Hmm. What am I smelling?

I'm wearing peppermint oil.

It's a natural bee repellant.

You smell like a candy cane.

Do not lick me.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Hey, uh, speaking of smells,

do I have time to change CeeCee?

Still waiting on George. Go ahead.

- Okay.
- You need some help?

No. Uh, well, I am in all white. Yes.

[KNOCKING]

What's going on?

Mary, we got some bad news.

Where's George?

I'm so sorry.

He, uh, he had a heart att*ck.

But he... he's okay, right?

He's gone.