02x10 - Back to the Learning Hall

[bunniefuu]

Iron Man: Step right up and rip off the bandage.

This is ridiculous. Not to mention highly unnecessary.

Come on! Let's let the straws decide who's worthy. Whew!

(KISSING SOUND)

Ahh! No way!

I drew the short straw last weekend.

Cleaning helps discipline us, Falcon.

Drawing the short straw isn't a punishment. It's duty. But we'll all pitch in.

(FANFARE)

Not my ringtone.

It's Asgardian scroll delivery.

Trans-dimensional mail.

Remember the rebreather.

Hulk's gamma shorts are "gamma-deadly."

New grapple arrow. Want to watch me test it on Hulk's face?

You hear us? Gonna hit stuff. Coming?

(ROARING)

And it works.

Ooh, this is the T-mail you got?

That does not concern you!

"We proudly call on Thor Odinson as honorary guest of the learning hall games."

Sweet! A vay-cay. Let me pack my bags.

Asgard? Better things to hit! I'm in.

I will not be attending. Too many threats here.

Whoa, Thor. You are like the prom king and football captain all rolled into one.

Reunions were made for people like you.

(BILGESNIPES SNARLING)

Bilge. Fetch.

You do not understand.

I understand your school reunion sounds way more fun than watching Tony talk to Arsenal's robot head for the zillionth time.

Seriously unnerving.

The learning hall was no mere school.

Every day was w*r!

People banded together and challenged their peers for superiority.

Yeah. Sounds just like school.

Pretty much school.

(GROWLING)

Oh, I guess it is only in the banquet hall.

Whatever that means. Come on! Let's do this!

To me, Mjolnir!

Heimdall, portal!

Ah, this is gonna be fun!

Let's get this party started!

(LAUGHING)

(LOUD RUMBLING)

(METALLIC RATTLING)

Arsenal, either Hulk's stomach is growling, or that was an earthquake.

Arsenal: Infinity signature detected.

Guys, look alive. That wasn't just an earthquake.

I'm getting readings that someone's activated the space stone.

Remind me what this infinity stone does.

The space stone controls physical space, realms, dimensions, portals...

(LAUGHING)

Hold on to your midday feast.

We are almost to...

Ugh!

Odin's beard! Surtur's fire pit?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Hawkeye: I take it back! This is nothing like school!

(ROARING)

Surtur? How?

Who cares?

Heimdall!

Both: Portal!

Apologies, Odinson.

Something interferes with my control of the portals.

Heimdall, old friend.

While it is good to see you, speak plainly.

The nine realms are shifting from dark magic.

But even I cannot yet see its cause.

Use caution.

(GRUNTING) (RUMBLING)

Thor: Shifting indeed.

(SIREN WAILING)

How are we looking?

Not good, Widow. Fire's contained to the top two floors, but it's moments from becoming a bigger problem.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

That earthquake caused a lot of damage.

Black Widow: I've got an idea.

Got it.

(GRUNTING)

Just needs a little convincing!

(GROANING)

Hopefully, Tony discovers who's using the space stone before another quake hits.

"Asgardian hall of learning."

Ooh! Time to see where you got your learn on.

Uh, I really must insist that we head straight through to the festivities in the banquet hall.

I am the Odinson, after all.

Aw, come on! Just a little peek on our way by!

Better be embarrassing pictures.

But the banquet, wait, there are, there are cookies!

(SIGHING)

Hawkeye: This was your school?

Uh... (CLEARING THROAT) Yes. But we really shouldn't dally.

What we seek is in the banquet hall toward the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me a minute.

Jackpot. Embarrassing pictures.

Why is Loki everywhere on this wall?

Mmm.

"Energy manipulation. First place, Loki."

"Spell casting, first place, Loki."

"Learning hall games, first place, Loki."

Yes. Loki was very talented in all manners of learning, which makes it all the more tragic that one as smart as he is trapped in the warrior's afterlife of Valhalla.

Wait. Where's your name?

Thor, tell me you graduated crazy magic school.

I would have, but Father...

He needed my strength on the b*ttlefield. And... And...

And you didn't graduate.

I left before the final day of the learning hall games.

I did not, in your words, "graduate."

Question, is this place haunted?

Yes. This place haunts me often.

Oh, good. So... that's normal, then.

Thor: Loki?

Brother! But you're trapped in Valhalla!

How are you doing this?

Hawkeye: Why are we chasing ghosts? Huh?

Come on!

It is no use.

Once sealed, those doors will not open.

This whole thing must be another of Loki's schemes.

You mean, the reunion was a ruse?

I was tricked into school?

Man, my 15-year-old self would be really disappointed in me right now.

He has forced our hand. There is only one way out.

I don't like the way you said that.

(SIGHING) Okay. Wait for me.

The portal lies at the center of the school.

However, to get to it, we must complete the learning hall games.

What do you mean, "we"?

A leader is only as good as the warriors he chooses.

Three are meant to compete.

Hence, "the warriors three."

Enough talk. How hard could it be?

I do not yet know, but once we cross the chamber's threshold, there is no turning back.

(GROWLING)

Only one warrior may compete per challenge.

Huh. I've so got this.

(ROARING)

(GROWLING)

Easy, boy...

No! It's Hulk's challenge. Evade, but never engage.

That is the second rule of the games.

What's the first?

Don't fail. That's a one-way portal to Valhalla.

Why couldn't this be a multiple choice test?

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(STRAINING)

What happened to our big g*ns? And Hawkeye?

According to Jarvis, Thor took a portal to Asgard, with Hawkeye and Hulk in tow.

(LOUD RUMBLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Quakes are intensifying.

Earth's gonna shake, rattle and roll out of existence if another one hits.

Thor's portal has to be tied to the space stone.

The first quake hit exactly when he used it.

Can't reach him. Unless someone's got an Asgardian cell number for him.

(expl*si*n)

We might not need it.

It looks like Asgard came to us.

Uh, Hulk? Hurry with the smashing!

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

Love your school!

If my scans are correct, the realm of Asgard is actually bleeding into our own.

I'm getting the same readings, Falcon.

I'm more concerned about who's using the space stone.

And where they're using it from.

We just have to determine the center of the b*ttlefield.

If you ask me, it's Asgard.

Of course! What's the one thing you associate with Asgard?

Well, besides Thor.

Loki! He had the space stone all along!

Is he trying to escape Valhalla?

(ROARING)

That's it?

Besides the minor annoyance of running away, these trials should have been easy-peasy, Thor.

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

One trial down, two to go.

Loki. How are you doing this?

Oh, it's amazing what one can do when forcing realms to collide.

Puny ghost!

(GROWLING)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, how I wonder if you'll be able to complete what all-father Odin sought to hide you away from?

Odin did no such thing.

I was needed! On the b*ttlefield!

Oh, years of w*r, and that was the day Odin pulls you?

Coincidence is a fool's explanation.

(GROWLING)

Begone, trickster! And leave us to our games!

The games are just beginning.

(LOKI LAUGHING)

Okay.

So, how do we get to the next chamber?

(LOUD RUMBLING)

Hawkeye: Stupid question!

(HULK SCREAMING)

Hulk!

(GRUNTING)

Hawkeye!

(GRUNTING)

Ah!

Hey, Thor! Throw me some light, will ya?

Aye.

(LOW GROWLING)

Uh, anyone else hear that?

Sounds like something to smash.

Do not assist! It's his trial now.

Guys, how is this my challenge?

Hi, buddy.

(LAUGHING)

Ow!

You want to chew on something?

Chew on this!

Or not.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

Now you're starting to get on my nerves.

(expl*si*n)

All right, if that's how you're gonna be.

Let's fight fire with electricity.

(BEEPING)

(GROWLING)

I get little wolves. He gets a dragon.

(SCOFFS)

(HAWKEYE GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

All right, scaly. I'm really hoping we have one thing in common.

(SNARLING)

That neither of us can fly!

(HOWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

Not bad, short stuff.

These trials ain't so hard.

Yet the final one remains.

Captain America: Loki's trying to jailbreak the afterlife?

Loki has back doors into various realms.

Maybe there's a way into Asgard from Valhalla.

But we can't get into Asgard unless we're Asgardian.

Then it's time to improvise.

You're up, butterscotch.

(GASPS)

I'm ready.

What chamber is this, Loki?

Loki: The first, strength. The second, agility.

The third? Mind.

Come now, brother.

If I can do it, surely you can, too.

Where is that greatness Odin saw when he handed you the keys to the kingdom?

Lies spill from you like venom.

What worth have you ever had to prove, Odinson?

What makes you worthy of this kingdom? Of that hammer!

You're about to find out.

If my opposite given free, you shall never know me.

If given effort, you may.

What am I?

Riddles?

Indeed!

Given a little flair by yours truly.

Hawkeye: Should have brought my joke book.

(HULK GROANING)

Come now. No cheating!

(GRUNTING)

Opposite given free...

Given effort...

I may know you.

I don't... You're failure!

There may be something besides that horrid helmet weighing your neck down, after all.

I stand tall, but fall short.

Worthy, but disregarded.

My land strange, and yet home.

Who am I?

Worthy, but disregarded?

This, brother, is what you think of me.

You're Thor Odinson!

No.

(GRUNTING)

Failure...

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

It's always about you, isn't it?

Hope this doesn't hurt too little.

Failure. Thor Odinson.

Odin was right. You simply were not worthy to finish the trial.

(GRUNTING)

You're dim. No brain of your own.

Thor Odinson.

Failure. Thor Odinson.

Failure.

You're not worthy, Thor.

The only thing of worth are the confident lies that Odin has fed your mind.

(GRUNTING)

Your failure opened the gates to my prison.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Thor Odinson. Failure.

Thor Odinson. Failure.

Thor Odinson. Failure.

I'll smash you back into Val...

The space stone could always transport me out of Valhalla.

I just needed a failure like you to open a portal.

Thank you for getting the door.

(GRUNTING)

I'm... Not worthy...

I'm... Not worthy.

My, my! You truly are finished.

While I, on the other hand, have just begun.

(GRUNTING)

You haven't beaten all the fight out of me!

Failure.

(THOR SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

Cross your fingers.

I've never used my wing pack on something this big before.

Are you sure this is going to work, Tony?

We need an Asgardian to get us between realms, right?

Bilge here couldn't be more Asgardian.

Fetch!

(ROARING)

Falcon: It worked!

Iron Man: I didn't doubt you for a second, Falcon.

Black Widow: This is gonna be an embarrassing way to die.

Iron Man: Good, Bilge!

Loki: Brawn, instead of brains?

(GROANING)

Typical.

I stand tall, but fall short.

Worthy, but disregarded.

My land strange, and yet home.

Who am I?

Hmm.

Hmm. You are Loki Laufeyson!

Hmm. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Get him!

(GROANING)

You with your fists, me with my brains.

(GROANING)

How fitting both were needed to escape the nightmare that is Valhalla.

(LOKI LAUGHING) (GROANING)

I needed you to open that gateway.

Like father before me, I see you as nothing but a tool to be used.

(ROARING)

(GROWLING)

Iron Man: You had a reunion, and didn't invite us?

We'll try not to take this personally.

You found us?

Looks like you can use a hand.

Thor! What's the situation?

Everything I've been told is a lie.

I, I am not worthy of Mjolnir.

Daddy issues.

How about you show me the worth that you hold, Avengers?

While I show you the true strength of the space stone.

Looks like Loki's trying to teach us a lesson.

I got his lesson right here!

Avengers, assemble!

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ROARING)

(HUMMING)

(GRUNTING)

(LOKI CHUCKLING)

Hawkeye!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Thor! Get in the game! We need Mjolnir!

We need you!

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

Thor, since I joined the Avengers, I've seen Loki lie about everything!

But you not being worthy? That's the biggest lie of all.

Thank you, Falcon. Time to graduate.

Brother! That will be enough!

Mind to mind, then.

(WHOOSHING)

(GRUNTING)

You control your hammer, but I control what it hits.

(GRUNTING)

My hammer, like me, is more than a mere tool!

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(LOKI WHIMPERING)

Mjolnir!

(GROANING)

Iron Man: Great view of New York from up here.

Let's ruin it.

Impossible. You...

You were never meant to survive the games.

Even Odin feared your failure.

So, that's where the space stone's been hiding.

(LOUD expl*si*n)

Asgard. Home, sweet home.

Thank you for helping me finally graduate from the learning hall.

Hawkeye: I thought Hulk's clothes smelled bad, but Tony's armor is in need of serious ventilation.

I see the straws have chosen who's worthy.

First place, Thor Odinson.

For completing the learning hall games in a record-breaking trial time.

(LAUGHING)

It's knowledge achieved later in life, but perhaps school wasn't so bad after all.

One for the wall. Cheese!

Perfect.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Selfie!