Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United (2013)

[bunniefuu]

The Incredible Hulk.

Strength, invulnerability, and a temper that has made him infamous.

Created by the accidental exposure to an exploding gamma b*mb, the Hulk is, without question, the strongest being on Earth.

The power coursing through his raging body is exactly what we need.

But that raging quality will not make it easy to bring the Hulk in, Dr. Cruler.

Which is why we've employed the Abomination.

His exposure to gamma energy endowed him with not only charming looks, but skin said to be stronger than the Hulk's.

I contest that the Abomination is just as powerful as his old enemy.

I suppose we will soon test that theory, won't we, Dr. Fump?

Hey, fin head!

Hulk...

About time you showed up.

Your ugly mug scared off everyone, Abomination.

But you don't scare me.

Time for you to leave.

That's no way to talk to an old gamma-powered pal.

I'm not leaving until I crush you under my scaly fist!

I was hoping you'd say that, so I can smash you out of town!

I come here for peace and quiet.

What are you doing here?

Just came for the fresh mountain air.

And some mass destruction!

Good people of this town don't deserve this.

You're gonna pay.

Abomination, do you copy?

Where is our specimen?

The Hulk just showed his big, ugly face.

Give me five minutes.

Better make that 10.

The Mark VI Hypervelocity Iron Man Armor.

Powered by an arc reactor, this suit features a gold titanium composite shell, quad repulsor projectors, and various energy weapons as built and worn by its prolific inventor, Tony Stark.

You forgot the part about how I'm a billionaire philanthropist and ladies' man, you lousy scrap heap.

Insults are entirely unnecessary, sir.

They neither motivate me with anger, nor hurt my feelings.

You're no fun, Jarvis.

You did not program my artificial intelligence for fun, sir.

Next system update, I'm programming less backtalk.

Perhaps it is your armor that needs a system update.

This training exercise is nearing its inevitable end.

Yeah, how do you figure?

I've completed my calculations.

Your armor may be faster, but the Hulkbuster suit is far stronger.

And, in a one-on-one battle, power overcomes speed 69% of the time.

Don't worry, my tech has overcome worse odds than those before.

Not this time, sir.

You are incapable of escape, sir.

Please surrender.

Not this time.

Charging the E.M.P.

expl*si*n.

Technical difficulties.

The Hulkbuster systems have been immobilized.

I think you'll live, Jarvis.

Yes, if you say so, sir.

Congratulations, your technology did prove superior to...

Well, your other technology.

Jarvis, nobody outsmarts me like me.

You're making me mad, and the madder I get, the stronger I get!

And you get sloppy when you're angry, too.

Now, you listen to me.

Here's how we're gonna do this...

What, now?

Couldn't hear you with your mouth full of my fist.

Maybe I overdid it.

Yep.

All that fighting made me hungry.

Then why don't you chew on this?

Now that is homerun.

Now I'm hungry and mad.

Robots? Those w*r drones?

Hydra. Got a feeling it ain't a coincidence.

This town is suddenly bad guy central.

But I didn't have enough to smash.

So cute. Sleeping like baby.

That wasn't so hard after all.

Especially when you didn't have to do the hardest part of the job.

Hey, I got him here.

Regardless, the cost of those w*r drones is coming out of your pay.

Now, the least you can do is bring him inside.

I hate working for Hydra.

We heard that.

This place need dog catcher.

Honey, I'm home.

Stand down. Stand down!

Dr. Cruler, the specimens.

Our fuel supply has finally arrived.

Excellent.

The arc reactor has completed its target phase.

All right, you ghouls, where's my reward?

It's coming. We assure you.

You can put the Hulk in the fuel containment cell.

What's the other one for?

Why, you, of course.

Put him in the other cell.

I still don't believe we have enough shielding, Dr. Cruler.

My calculations are correct, Dr. Fump.

The reactor core was built to absorb enormous green energy.

We had a deal!

Brought you the Hulk!

What do you want with me?

Why, you're special, too.

The rare gamma in you two monsters has the potential to supercharge our new arc reactor.

Thanks to you, Hydra will have the power to create a w*apon capable of destroying all our enemies.

Yes, the siphon is working.

Prepare to charge the reactor coil.

Prepared and standing by, Dr. Cruler.

On my mark.

Now.

It's working. It's working!

Energy levels have already surpassed our expectations.

It's more powerful than we imagined.

No! We're losing containment.

Is that a reactor?

What are you eggheads doing?

You're gonna cause a meltdown!

He's right.

We've got to power off, now!

Failsafe shutdown circuit isn't working!

Impossible. The polarity has reversed.

It's not generating electricity, it's, it's draining it!

From where?

Everywhere!

Another suit of armor in need of repair.

What a surprise.

Well, your sarcasm is working just fine.

Why don't you make yourself useful and check for emergency alerts?

Sir, there's been a power outage you should be aware of.

There's blackouts all the time, Jarvis.

The more energy people use up, the less there is to go around.

The source of this blackout triggered your regional gamma energy monitors.

Gamma? Get me a satellite view.

That power plant is emanating enough gamma energy to wipe out the state.

So, you were right.

Of course I am.

Yeah, you're right, but I built you, so that makes me righter.

Put that in your next update.

Hey, Jarvis, you better pack up and follow me.

I might need our radiation containment gear when I get there.

Cross your fingers I won't.

Virtual fingers crossed.

I'll be right behind you, sir.

It's building to critical mass, Dr. Cruler!

I've tried everything.

There's no stopping it now, Dr. Fump.

Don't give up, Dr. Cruler.

Dummies! I told you so!

Let's go.

Sorry.

Let's get you out of there.

You'd do the same for me, right?

Yeah, right.

How... How are we still alive?

Because there was no expl*si*n.

Then where did all that energy go?

It must have imploded back into the core.

It almost looks alive.

Do you realize what we have here?

Yeah. A rather unfriendly pet comprised of 100 gigawatts of power.

We also have a living energy w*apon.

We must capture it.

I knew there was some reason I enjoyed working with you, Dr. Cruler.

I'll fetch the energy g*ns, Dr. Fump.

Yes, and hurry.

Still breathing, scale-face?

Get off of me.

Where are your manners, creep? I just saved you.

Well, aren't you the boy scout.

Ought to get a badge for that.

Hulk.

I said, leave me alone.

Iron Man? Of course.

Fly all the way over to investigate a gamma surge, and what do I find?

My favorite big, green anger problem.

What do you want, Iron Man?

And I didn't do anything. It was...

It was the invisible man.

Nuts.

Hey, now. Where do you think you're going?

Get out of my way.

Listen, Hulk, I know we're friends, but you need to relax, or I'm...

Or nothing, Stark.

That was just a tap.

You gonna calm down so we can talk, or do I need to turn it up to 11?

Maybe, after I turn your armor into a soup can!

You may be strong, but I can fly, sh**t repulsor beams and, yeah, I own a flying fortress.

Anything you do, I do better!

Let's put that to the test, shall we?

I can make loud noises, too.

All those gadgets and doodads and still you're not so tough.

I can do this all day, green.

Too bad you can't fly.

Too slow.

Get down here!

No thanks. I can smell your Hulk breath from here.

What? Nothing funny to say?

Okay. I'll talk.

You're always ready to blame the big, green guy when things blow up, but I didn't even cause the problem here, Hydra did.

Hydra? Those guys are always trying to take over the world.

What would they want with a tiny energy plant in nowhereville?

Still registering a lot of gamma energy inside the plant.

Okay, okay, timeout.

I said timeout.

I heard you.

Like I was saying, my power and all the other power was drained into the plant.

Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?

I was trying.

I wanna punch you right now.

Hey, big green, why don't we ask questions first this time? Smash later.

You're one to talk.

There it is. Blast it.

It's just too fast and powerful.

Quick, activate your grounding circuit.

It discharged my energy g*n.

Okay, the spark ball's new.

Jarvis, what are we dealing with?

I have no record of this energy, however, its composition is consistent with a primitive life form.

Those things aren't flying on their own.

These robots will be fun to break.

I'll just pretend they're you.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Hear that roar?

That's my stomach.

You're getting in the way of me filling it.

Back off.

Looks like you could use a hand.

I don't need a hand, chrome dome, but I'll take a leg.

Not what I had in mind.

Works for me.

Come closer, so I can smash you.

Hulk, behind you.

Be quiet.

You're welcome.

Looks like they got their act together.

Don't worry, I'll take them apart.

Do something, Stark!

It's draining my power.

Jarvis, charge the E.M.P.

Sir?

An electro-magnetic pulse will release energy.

This creature feeds on energy.

So, if we overfeed it, maybe we can give it a stomach ache.

So much for the spark ball.

See? You do need me.

It's true. You make a good club.

Looks like those two Hydra g*ons escaped.

I'll find 'em.

This reactor is based on my design.

Of course, their big mistake, trying to power it with the energy out of you.

What's the matter with that?

Gamma is a dangerous, unpredictable energy source.

Made me the man I am today.

Exactly my point.

Sir, your facility has arrived.

Your timing is perfect, Jarvis. We got a lot of work to do.

Hulk, I'd say it was nice seeing you again, but it really wasn't.

Jarvis, the armor's acting up.

Shall I run a diagnostic?

Hold on.

And we're back.

You know what never glitches?

Fists.

Let me know when your fists can do this.

Jerk.

Jarvis, clear your calendar.

At your service, sir.

First order of business, we use the ship's arc reactor to get the power grid back online.

At least we can light up a few thousand homes.

Very good, sir. Shall I employ the mandroids?

You read my mind.

Have them salvage what they can out of that reactor on the ground.

Hulk is hungry!

Great.

So, where's the kitchen in this flying cruise ship?

You can have dessert when you finish your chores.

I need you to clear the debris down there.

The only thing I'm looking to clear is the food out of your fridge.

This is the fridge, right?

No, it was part of the computer systems that handle my security.

Nice, Hulk.

Hey, I can't help that it looks like a fridge.

Well, guess I'm outta here.

Hulk, look. You're supposed to be a hero.

You can't be on the run, alone, all the time.

Better than floating up here in your iron castle, alone.

Not the same thing. Trust me on that.

I need time alone, to invent, to build things.

Next time, build a kitchen.

Fine, if you're not gonna help, don't let the door hit you in your big, green butt on the way out.

Have fun cleaning up after Hydra.

Warning, computer systems have been compromised.

No.

No, no, no.

Jarvis, shut down all the systems now.

Jarvis! Shut them down now.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid I can't do that.

What?

Human creatures!

I am Zzzax!

Nice one, bolts for brains.

You let the spark ball in the machine.

Hey, hey, it's not my fault.

Tricky little zapper stowed away.

Now it's teaching itself at an exponential rate.

Zzzax must feed on energy!

All energy!

Listen, sparky... Or Zix, Zzzax.

Whatever your name is.

Humans rely on energy, too, and we can't survive without it.

Humans not worthy.

Humans waste energy.

We don't want to waste energy.

We're trying to conserve, to get better.

We've even created renewable power sources.

Now, come out of there, like a good little spark, and I'll give you a couple of nine volt batteries to chew on.

Less talk, more smash.

Hulk, wait, it'll just stow away somewhere else!

Like my armor. Shields up!

Hulk, it's coming your way!

I see you.

Gotta squash that spark fast.

Humans not stop Zzzax!

Hulk, don't let that mandroid escape.

This thing gets any more power, it could end up unstoppable.

Only I'm allowed to be unstoppable.

Maybe I shouldn't have built so many mandroids.

You think?

Stupid dome heads.

How is this fair?

Man.

Hulk, could use a little smash right about now.

Smash your toys?

You don't have to tell me twice.

Puny robots.

Hulk smash!

Green, behind you.

Stay cool, buddy.

Only one left.

Need more power.

Zzzax must feed.

Sparker's making me mad.

Spark won't like me when I'm mad.

Jarvis, you back online?

Bit of a job, sir, but right as rain now.

Zzzax is trying to get to my suits. Defense mode now.

Working on it, sir.

Jarvis, seal them up.

Last one. Get the last one, Jarvis.

Man, it got into the Mark ll.

That's, like, my third favorite suit.

This shell will serve Zzzax!

Remote power down failed, sir.

I don't know how many of these things you need, but one less ain't gonna matter.

Get off me, you big, green ape!

Thanks.

I think you only broke two or three ribs.

That thing can't get enough power.

Gotta be going after the reactor.

Can't you shut it down?

Shutting down the arc reactor would also shut down the turbine engines, sending the entire craft plummeting to imminent destruction.

Then lock it down, now.

Engaging arc reactor force fields.

I'll make a short cut.

Do not let it past us.

Iron Man, blast him!

You know, that suit's kind of a collector's item.

Shellhead!

All right, f*ring unibeam.

Nice save, Hulk.

If that thing would've gotten into the reactor, we would have been in a world of hurt.

I would've smashed us out of it.

Wait. What's that sound?

No!

Jarvis, power down the reactor!

I got this.

What's it doing now?

It's evolving.

It's copying us.

Which means we're probably in deep trouble.

Hey, electric breath!

Let's see what you do with repulsors.

You eat them, apparently.

Zzzax destroy!

Jarvis, tell me you got something.

The creature is pure energy.

I'm afraid it has no weakness.

It must.

Wait, what's this thing's frequency?

Zzzax's frequency is 96.2 megahertz.

I've got an idea.

Retune the repulsors to a matching modulation.

It's time we kicked that creep's high voltage butt.

Iron Man!

Jarvis?

Stark, you okay?

Power at 12%, sir.

Recommend immediate recharge.

Duly noted.

Hulk! Here he comes.

Hulk.

Now, Zzzax destroys!

Hulk, you...

You okay?

Everything is dark.

I can't see.

It's okay. It's only... It's only temporary, green.

It's UV damage to your cornea.

They call it welder's blindness.

Me, my armor's leg servos are damaged.

I can't move.

Looks like we're in a cemetery.

A creepy, disturbing cemetery.

Good thing I don't believe in omens.

Guess I spoke too soon?

What's that smell? What's going on, Stark?

You're not missing much.

We're just about to get eaten by a few hungry something or others.

Jarvis, what are we up against here?

Based on my scans, these creatures appear to be the Wendigos, sir.

A legendary cursed beast rumored to consume anything in its path.

No need to fret.

The Wendigo tale was created to frighten children.

They do not actually exist.

That's not helping, Jarvis.

Get behind me.

I'm not exactly going anywhere.

Hulk, duck!

Punch, right.

Behind you.

Dodge, back!

Where are you, Stark?

Under your big, honking foot.

You mind? I'm not crazy about organ failure.

Got an idea.

You can be my eyes.

I'm not a backpack, Hulk.

All right, here they come.

From where? From everywhere.

Hulk...

Smash, left. Forward... No, duck!

Big uppercut.

This is better than a video game.

Help, Stark.

Okay, okay. Grab, right.

That's right.

Good, good, just scream it all out.

The Wendigos are gone?

My armor scanners are down, but yeah, I think so.

You know, we don't make such a bad team, when we're not smashing the snot out of each other.

Maybe.

Hold up. My facility's on the move.

What's going on, Stark?

Zzzax is pretty clever for living electricity.

He's positioning the ship right over the power plant.

His creation caused a blackout, so I figure he's going to use the plant to reach the power grid to somehow suck up all the power he can, like a giant electric leech.

But why not just come down?

Drain it straight from the generator.

Zzzax has to stay in the air.

What?

What happens to a lightning bolt when it hits the ground?

It hits the ground and loses its charge.

Hulk, you're a genius.

Or, well, definitely, you know, smarter than you look.

Yeah?

But then again, you'd kind of have to be.

Don't make me step on you again.

So, you got a plan, metal britches?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

We gotta get up there somehow.

Can hear him buzzing.

He's not far.

You think you can Hulk-jump us back up onto the ship?

If you can be my eyes.

Great.

Easy, green.

All right, we're gonna leap straight up into the facility, you got me?

Angle yourself 40 degrees left.

Forty degrees, what?

Even if I wasn't blind, I wouldn't know what you're talking about.

Just turn left.

A little more.

That... No, too much. There you go.

Okay, steady.

Launch!

Okay, all right.

What do you say we try that one more time?

Close enough.

You know those planes cost me 50 million bucks, right?

They're not worth it.

Now just tell me where to go.

All right, all right.

About 100 paces left.

Your other left, genius.

And try not to make a racket.

You know, you're about as stealthy as a T. rex.

Little help.

Okay, you're gonna want to turn left up here, in three, two, one...

Okay, I think we're finally here.

It only took half the night, but we made it.

Yeah, next time, you get zapped in the face and carry me.

Okay, I get the point.

All right, look, there's a cable to recharge my arc reactor with beside you.

You're gonna want to plug it into the unibeam projector in my chest plate.

That's my head.

Lower, a little lower.

Okay, I think you got it.

Now go to the left.

My left.

Right. Okay, your left.

I'm gonna slip into some work clothes.

Just...

Take it easy, Hulk.

Stark, can you fix my eyes?

I'll do my best, big guy.

Just give me 30 seconds to armor up, okay?

The Mark Vll armor.

What do you think, Hulk?

Did you forget I can't see?

Right. Well, I'm wearing a new suit.

It's untested and probably a little buggy, but it's got better shields to keep Zzzax out.

Jarvis, you remodulate the repulsors?

All energy weapons have been tuned to 96.2 megahertz, which will repel the creature's frequency.

All right.

Now it's time to fix you up, big green. How's the vision?

Everything's still kind of blurry.

You're familiar with laser eye surgery?

Now hold still. This won't hurt a bit.

Easy as one, two...

Hey!

Eyes work good enough to see.

I don't need a laser zapping them.

I'm trying to help.

Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot today, with me blasting you and all, but we've got to work together on this.

Comprende?

This is bigger than both of us, Hulk.

I know that, Stark.

Thanks for trying to help.

No problem.

All right, so here's what I figure's happening.

Zzzax is gonna use my ship like an antenna and drain all the power from Earth.

We can't destroy the grid.

We'll leave millions of people in the dark.

But we can bring Zzzax down and ground him if we take out my ship.

Crash your iron castle?

I like it.

So, what are we waiting for? Let's get smashing.

Hold up, Hulk.

You want sparky to zap your eyes again?

We need to insulate you somehow.

You got something Zzzax can't fry in my size?

I think we do, with a little tailoring.

I named it the Hulkbuster, after you.

Well, what do you think?

Zzzax consume all!

Consume this!

I don't think so.

Smash?

Smash.

Stupid gizmo!

Easy there, cowboy.

Gotta steady yourself.

Not as good as smashing, but not bad either.

Let's see you drain Earth dry when I bring down your condenser.

Shields.

Sparky doesn't miss a thing.

Humans inferior!

Zzzax superior!

He's tricky for living lightning, I'll give him that.

Hulk, use your gauntlets.

Smash him back to sparksville.

How?

Your gauntlets are tuned with the same frequency as Zzzax, so punch away.

With pleasure.

Finally, time for some Hulk smash.

Keep it up, mean green.

I'll take out the turbines.

Full power to unibeam.

One down.

Unibeam recharge in 90 seconds.

Speed up the process, Jarvis.

Redirecting power from the repulsors now, sir.

I'm gonna go check on big green, see how he's doing.

Quit standing around and crash this thing, Stark!

I'm working on it!

None may stop Zzzax!

How we doing on that unibeam?

Thirty seconds, sir.

Humans are all parasites!

Turn my ship against me?

All threats eliminated, and the unibeam is back online, sir.

My mistake, sir. More missiles incoming.

Outsmarted by a 50-foot ball of static.

That's cutting you down to size.

Stupid bolt!

Is that all you've got, sparky?

Hang on, Jarvis, we're going in.

But, sir, all weapons are targeting us.

I know, but we've gotta take out that second turbine.

That's it.

That's it. Just a little closer.

Two turbines down, one to go.

Sir, I feel compelled to remind you...

That there's still a m*ssile chasing us?

I know. I'm gonna use it.

The odds of this risky maneuver successfully working a second time are extremely low.

I told you, Jarvis, I always b*at the odds.

And there's Zzzax, frying off Hulk's face again.

Time to shut off the power.

Hey, sparky.

You didn't pay your electric bill.

No!

Yes!

What have we gotta do?

We're going down.

Hulk, we're gonna smash into the dam.

You gotta turn this thing.

I'm on it.

Not what I had in mind, Hulk.

How we doing, Jarvis?

Sir, the facility's trajectory has changed.

The dam is safe, but the ship will be destroyed.

I can live with that.

There's my green pal.

You okay?

We get him? Zzzax finally gone?

Maybe. I don't know.

We gotta find him.

That thing needs to constantly feed on energy.

Hear that?

What's this?

Hulk, get away from there.

Gotcha.

Stop him.

Zzzax!

You're grounded.

Hulk!

I got him, Iron Man. Stay back!

Yeah, right.

Hulk!

Zzzax...

Hulk, are you...

I'm okay, Iron Man.

Been through a lot worse.

Lights out for spark man?

Hulk, that was the stupidest, craziest, bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do.

The town is still dark.

Not for long.

I'm gonna power the entire seaboard with green Stark reactors.

At least until this mess is straightened out.

Free of charge from Stark Industries.

Jarvis, ship out a dozen mobile facilities to key locations throughout the tri-state area.

Anything else I can attend to while you relax?

No. I'm good.

Hulk? You need anything, big guy?

Well, since you asked...

Look, I know what you're gonna say.

Teaming up with you made me realize I can't always rely on tech.

No, I was gonna say, I need...

To be alone. I know. You say it all the time.

But you also need to keep in touch, okay?

Any time you need a friend, big guy, I'm here.

Why are you staring at me like that?

'Cause you never listen!

I've been trying to say I'm hungry.

I want food.

Right.

Well, I know this little diner 30 miles down the road.

Best cherry pie in the state.

Best idea you had all night.

Last one there pays the check.