04x06 - Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Hello.

I'm Sheldon Cooper, and this is "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College."

Which is why I'm proposing that I live at home but enroll full-time to continue my studies with Dr. Sturgis at East Texas Tech.

Hi, Mary.

I know this must be a hard decision for you, but if you let him come here, I promise we'll take good care of him.

Sheldon Cooper: ready for college, ready to change the world.

GEORGE SR.: Cut.

If that doesn't convince her, I don't know what her problem is.

♪ ♪ I'm excited to finally use college-ruled paper and not feel like I'm living a lie.

What's college-ruled paper?

The lines are % closer together.

College sounds hard.

You won't have to worry about that, honey.

Okay.

Missy, don't forget that you have to pick out a present for that birthday next week.

Mom, it's "Melissa" now.

Middle school.

- Who's Melissa?

- Me.

Then who's Missy?

"Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William." I don't understand.

You know how your real name is William?

I'm Billy.

No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.

But my underpants say "Billy" in them.

Mom, is my name William?

Yeah.

Then whose underpants am I wearing?

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

JEFF: Thanks again. Robin is gonna be thrilled with this.

Oh, don't thank me.

Thank Mary.

She's the one who said I had to do it.

Just out of curiosity, did she also mention helping me build the crib at some point?

No.

Well, act surprised when she does.

- (engine sputtering outside)

- GEORGE JR.: Dang it.

What do you think you're doing?

Trying to get the bike started.

Why?

So I can ride it.

Like hell you are!

Sorry.

You don't use it.

'Cause your mother won't let me.

And if I can't, you can't.

If I get it running, can I at least sell it?

No.

But it's just sitting here.

What's the point?

Point is I said no.

I can't believe someone so lame even owned a bike like this.

Why are kids such a pain in the ass?

I'm sure yours will be great.

I feel like this cover really says who I am now.

That looks like all your notebooks.

Missy got ponies.

Melissa gets horses.

(answering machine beeps)

STURGIS: Hello, Coopers.

Dr.

Sturgis here.

This is a message for Mary.

I have some news I need to share with you before Sheldon starts college.

Please call me back.

(answering machine beeps)

I wonder why he'd want to talk to you and not me.

(answering machine beeps)

STURGIS: Dr.

Sturgis again.

If Sheldon happened to hear that last message and is wondering why I'd want to speak to his mother first and not him...

Excellent question!

It's that kind of curiosity that makes him a true man of science.

(answering machine clicks, beeps)

I'm a true man of science.

(line ringing)

- STURGIS: Hello.

- Hello, Dr.

Sturgis.

This is Mary Cooper.

Hi.

Thanks for calling me back.

So, what's going on?

Everything okay?

Yes, everything is quite good, actually.

Well, for me, that is.

Um...

did you know there's a supercollider being built in Waxahachie, Texas?

No.

Do you know what a supercollider is?

Not really.

Would you like a crash course?

Which is humorous because it involves particles crashing into each other.

I'd like you to tell me what this has to do with Sheldon.

Well, that part's less funny.

I've taken a job there.

Hold on.

You're not gonna be around when Sheldon starts college?

That's a great question.

No.

John, I agreed to let him go because you were gonna be there to look after him.

I know.

And I feel terrible about it, but...

please understand, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I couldn't turn it down.

Orientation starts next week.

I'm aware.

(sighs)

Well, I hope that you're ready to hear him freak out when you tell him.

I was kind of hoping he'd just be excited I get to work on the supercollider.

Right, because being happy for other people is where he shines.

A supercollider?

Well, you can't say no to that.

I give up.

Ooh, can you get me a bumper sticker?

Did you know Dr. Sturgis was taking a new job?

What job?

He went to work on some supercollider in Waxahachie.

What do you mean "went"?

He's already there.

- When did you hear this?

- He just called.

I was counting on him to be there for Sheldon.

Well, you'd think he would've mentioned it to me.

Sheldon says it's okay with him, but I would certainly feel a lot better if there were adults there that I trusted.

Nothing on the answering machine.

He's just a little boy, and he's gonna be on that big campus all by himself.

I mean, I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought we were still friends.

Excuse me.

I think you're focusing on the wrong part of the story here.

He's little, you're worried.

Please continue.

That sums it up.

Okay.

Missy.

(groans)

What?

Help me with my clothes.

Burn them and get new ones.

Please, it's freshman orientation.

I want to make a good impression.

Fine.

Which bow tie says mature enough to be in college but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon?

They both say weird kid who eats alone.

Come on.

I know you're concerned about what you'll wear to middle school.

(sighs)

Show me again.

The blue one.

Plaid's too busy.

Thanks.

Or don't be the kid in a bow tie.

This is not the day to go crazy.

My son, the college freshman.

I can't believe it.

How can you not believe it?

You had to sign my vaccination form.

Right.

So, what do you want to do first?

I was thinking we could start at the bookstore, try and b*at the lines.

I agree about the lines, but what do you mean "we"?

I mean you and me.

This is my first day.

I can't be seen walking around campus with my mommy.

Well, it's only orientation.

Yes, and I'm quite capable of handling everything that I need to get done today on my own.

I'm sure you are.

I just figured, with Dr. Sturgis not around, it might be nice if I could be.

No one else's mother is going to be.

You don't know that.

Well, I know mine isn't.

(sighs)

You might want to watch the attitude to the person who's driving you there.

Not all the way there.

Drop me off a block away so no one sees us together.

Sorry, I am not leaving you alone your first day.

Yes, you are.

For someone going into college, you are acting very childish.

Maybe it just appears that way because you see me with my mommy.

Oh...

Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.

It is great having y'all next door.

Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?

It's okay.

I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.

Missy was a crier.

Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself." Well, he's a miracle in his own way.

Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?

Kind of goes with the pastor territory.

Okay.

What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?

I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.

You're good.

(chuckles)

You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

("I'm Free" by The Soup Dragons playing)

♪ Freedom ♪

♪ I'm free to do what I want... ♪

Can you show me where the used physics textbooks are?

Follow me.

Normally I would prefer a fresh new textbook, but my father is a high school football coach.

Which is another way of saying we're poor.

Here you go.

♪ I say love me ♪

- ♪ Hold me... ♪ - Who owned this, a werewolf?

WOMAN (over radio)

: Let's talk about the weather. It's going to be a beautiful sunny day today with temps reaching a high of .

Gross.

In other news, President Bush will be traveling to Waxahachie later this month to visit the site of a new supercollider.

Scientists are hopeful this will lead to exciting discoveries in the world of part...

(knock on door)

What?

You said you'd show me how to hot-roll my hair.

Oh, right.

You still want to do that?

You're cranky.

So maybe I shouldn't be putting hot rollers on your head.

Meh, you're always cranky.

Let's do this.

SHELDON: Not so bad.

I would have highlighted that.

And someone drew genitals.

(pop music playing quietly over speakers)

Oh.

Mrs. Cooper?

Oh, hi.

Sam.

Yes, of course.

Oh, from, um, Sheldon's physics class.

How are you?

Oh, I'm-I'm good.

Yeah.

What brings you here?

(chuckles)

Sheldon's freshman orientation.

- Oh, sure.

- Mm-hmm.

You didn't want to go with him?

I did, but, uh, he made it very clear that he did not want me anywhere near him today.

Well, I don't know Sheldon well, but he can be a little...

Rude, obnoxious, condescending?

Oh, hey, I do know him.

(laughs)

(chuckles)

So are you just gonna sit here?

Uh, well, just until it's time to drive him home.

Well, I can show you around campus.

- No, no, that's okay.

- Yeah, no.

Come on.

I'll buy you a school shirt.

(chuckles)

: Oh, he would be mortified to see me wearing one of those.

That's why I'm offering.

Let's go.

(chuckles)

: Well, yeah.

(laughs)

Wow, you're really getting this together fast.

- I feel like I'm not helping at all.

- Oh, come on now.

You cut those oranges into nice little wedges.

I do it for the kids at Sunday school.

They go to town on 'em.

Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?

Absolutely.

Boy, was I wrong.

Why?

Getting nervous?

Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?

Ah, you'll figure it out.

And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.

- I guess that's true.

- Mm.

The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.

- You don't think I'm gonna...?

- Oh, no.

They broke the mold.

But...

you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

♪ ♪ (sighs)

If you highlight everything, you highlight nothing.

Uh-oh.

Young man, don't move these books.

I have a system.

How's it look?

Cute.

Why are you here?

I ran into Sam.

Yes, you're a person I know.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be getting your I.D. photo?

- I got a little waylaid.

- Can I help?

No, everything is perfectly under control.

And take off that sweatshirt.

You don't go to school here!

See?

Worth every penny.

(chuckles)

Stay calm.

You can make it.

Aah!

Honestly, who drinks a Slurpee at : a.m?

Will this make me look older?

Definitely.

But not like you older, right?

Right.

You still dating that Marcus boy?

Sort of.

He went away with his family for the summer.

Just out of curiosity, before he left, did he let you know?

Mm-hmm.

Hmm, interesting.

And how long before he left did he tell you?

I don't know, a week.

Hmm, must be nice.

You hear from him at all?

Yeah, he sent me the cutest postcard.

It was a turtle surfing on a dolphin.

Adorable.

Pulling kind of hard.

I made it!

I'm here!

(panting)

Fill this out and sign the...

Um, there's a bee on you.

What?

Hey, Sam.

Can I help y'all find anything?

Oh, we're good.

Just showing my friend around campus.

Oh, you a new student?

- Oh, actually...

- Jason, this is Mary.

Ah, well, hello, Mary.

Allow me to welcome you to our school.

- Thank you.

- Uh, you know, my dorm is doing a back-to-school barbecue this afternoon.

Y'all should swing by.

Sounds fun.

Cool.

Braden Hall, in the courtyard, : .

See you there.

Sweet, free food.

Who cares?

He thought I was a student.

Okay.

Smile.

SHELDON: Just take the picture.

(camera clicks)

ADULT SHELDON: I had suffered some setbacks.

But just as Edison had forged ahead on electric lighting without the help of Tesla, I was going to make it through orientation without the help of my mommy, even if she did make boo-boos stop hurting.

While I had found inspiration courtesy of Thomas Edison, it was soon replaced with anger at Whitcomb L. Judson, inventor of the zipper.

(scoffs)

Oh, come on.

What do you think?

I think you're gonna be a little heartbreaker.

I don't want to break anyone's heart.

I just want to look hot.

Well, that you do.

Thank you.

And there's nothing wrong with breaking some hearts.

If you don't do it to them, they're gonna do it to you.

- Why would they do that?

- Because sometimes men do things without thinking how it's gonna make you feel.

Marcus wouldn't do that.

We're friends.

That don't mean nothing.

You think somebody's your friend, then they just up and leave without a word.

But Marcus told me.

(mocking): But Marcus told me.

("Batman Theme" playing)

ADULT SHELDON: Like Batman's utility belt, my briefcase was equipped for any emergency.

♪ Batman... ♪

I don't know if the Bat-pants had a zipper, but if they did, I could fix it.

♪ Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba... ♪

- Oh, dear.

- ♪ Batman! ♪

Two months!

Two months till this baby comes!

There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.

I'm sure you've done plenty.

Nothing cool.

Look at you.

You played football and rode a motorcycle.

Well, you save people's souls.

That's neat, right?

Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.

(sighs)

Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over.

It just means it's different.

Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now.

I mean, high school football.

Not college like I'd hoped.

I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck.

To work every single day.

To pay the bills.

(sighs): Oh.

Endless bills.

What happened to my life?

Orange wedge?

ADULT SHELDON: With only seven minutes until my freshman orientation seminar, I was in a sticky spot.

Thankfully, I was armed with an even stickier solution.

♪ ♪ Ah, you made it!

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hey, guys, this is Sam and Mary.

(crowd cheering, whooping)

(chuckles)

: Well, aren't y'all friendly.

DEAN: We are so excited to have you here today.

This is the most competitive year we've had for admissions.

So you should feel really good about your accomplishments.

- You belong to an elite group of scholars...

- (door bangs)

(grunting)

(door closes)

I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

You have kids?

Three.

You look amazing!

- Oh...

- Two of 'em are twins.

I don't want to brag, but natural birth.

Whoa.

I love college.

(laughs)

(engine starts, revs)

♪ ♪ John.

STURGIS: Dear Connie, you may have heard I've taken a job at the new supercollider in Waxahachie.

I wanted to tell you in person, but, uh, I was afraid you'd be upset.

And, honestly...

I was even more afraid you wouldn't be.

Oh, John.

STURGIS: This also gives me an excuse to use my astronaut pen.

I'm not upside-down, but if I was, it would still write.

(laughs)

(motorcycle approaching)

How you doing back there?

I've never felt so alive!

Praise the Lord!

JEFF: Let's go to Mexico!