4.05 Monster Movie
Air Date: 16 Oct 2008
Pan down from the full moon. The impala drives down a road lined with trees and past a sign saying WELCOME TO PENSYLVANIA, lightening flashes, for an instant the sign reads WELCOME TO TRANSYLVANIA.
Dean (FIDDLING WITH THE Radio)
The radio around here sucks.
Sam: Come on man.
Dean: Jobs don't get much sweeter than this, you know?
Dean: Dead vic with a gnawed-On neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire.
Sam: No, I -- I agree. It's a hell of a case.
Dean: A little more gusto, please.
Sam: It's just...The world is coming to an end. Things are a little complicated, you know?
Dean: Yeah, well, we can't save the world, not today anyway. But what we can do is chop off some vamps' heads.Come on, man, it's like the good old days, an honest-To-Goodness monster hunt. It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling.
A straightforward, black-And-white case.
Fade out on the impala. Polka music plays. Montague of the village. Band playing in a gazebo. Man takes picture of girl in barmaid costume. Pan to sign reading OKTOBERFEST 2008. Sam and Dean adjust their suits after exiting the impala and walk forward.
Dean: We still got to see the new "Raiders" movie.
Sam: Saw it.
Sam: You were in hell.
Dean: That's no excuse.
(looks off screen)
Sam (smiles and shakes head)
Dean (accepting two pretzels from vendor)
(Dean hands Sam pretzel)
Sam: Thank you.
(Both take a bite of their pretzels.)
JAMIE Guten tag.
Dean (with mouth full)
"Guten tag" yourself.
Mmm, (cut to an old man in a Sheriff uniform then back to Sam) looks like that's our man.
Sam: Sheriff Dietrich.
Sheriff DIETRICH Are you the boys from the fed?
Sam: Angent Anges and Young.
(They show badges.)
Sam: We called ahead about your, uh, problem.
Sheriff DIETRICH Right. Um...I'll tell you what, why don't we talk this out away from the crowd, huh?
Cut to MORGUE. Door opens and body is slide out covered with a sheet.
(drawing back sheet)
Marissa Wright, 26,just up from Lockhard for the 'fest.Terrible. Just terrible. It's the last thing is town needs at peak tourist season.
Sam: Definitely the last thing Marissa Wright needed.
Dean: (turns the body's head and sees two dark puncture marks on her neck like a vampire bite)
What the hell?
Sheriff DIETRICH Yeah, you got me -- I mean, this killer's some kind of grade-"A" wacko, right? I mean, some satan-Worshipping, Anne Rice-Reading, gothic, psycho vampire wannabe.
Dean: Sheriff, in your report, you mentioned a witness.
Sheriff DIETRICH Yeah,I wished I didn't.
But our witness insisted. That's Ed Brewer. Not exactly what you'd call reliable.
EXT. bar with waitresses dressed in Oktoberfest costume. Sam and Dean walk to the bar. JAMIE hands two beer glasses to LUCY another waitress.
JAMIE I remember you.
Dean: And I remember you...
(peers at nametag)
I never forget a pretty...everything.
Sam: We're looking for Ed Brewer.
JAMIE What do you want with Ed?
Dean: Well, we are, uh...federal agents
(they show her their badges)
Mr. Brewer was witness to a serious crime.
You're a fed?
Wow, you don't come on like a fed.
Dean: (grinning, leaning forward on the bar toward JAMIE)
I'm a maverick, ma'am.
A rebel with a badge.
One thing I don't play by -- The rules.
Sam: (irritated smile)
(looking at JAMIE)
So, where can we find Mr. Brewer?
Ed BREWER uncaps beer stein and drinks.
Ed BREWER I told the cops everything I saw.
No one believes me.
(pointing at them)
Why should you be any different?
Dean: Believe me, Mr. Brewer, we're different.
BREWER I spoke the God's honest truth.
And now, I'm the town is a joke.
Sam: Marissa Wright's murder is no joke to us.
And we want to hear everything, No matter how strange it may seem.
Dean: We have a lot of experience with strange.
BREWER uncaps beer stein and drink.
BREWER It was just after midnight.
I just left here, and like I do every night,
(walks his fingers along the table)
I cut through the park on the way home.
At first, I thought it was a couple kissing.
But she was... struggling too much.
And this man, He was -- Well, he was biting her neck.
Sam: Can you describe her assailant?
BREWER Oh, he was a vampire.
Dean: Okay, right.
And by that, you mean --
BREWER You know, a vampire.
So, he looked like --
BREWER He looked like a vampire, You know, with the fangs and the slicked-Back hair
(demonstrates with his hair) 0
And the fancy cape And the little medallion thingy on the ribbon.
Dean: You mean like a dracula?
Like a dracula.
Right down to the accent.
Sam: -The ac.
Sam: What did he say?
BREWER You know, something like..
[Hungarian accent](arm raised over his face as if he has a cape on)
"Stay away, mortal!
The night is mine!"
You do believe me, don't you?
Cut to JAMIE and LUCY at the bar.
JAMIE They must be here following up on that murdered woman.
LUCY Crazy Ed and vampire story.
JAMIE He might be weird, but he's not crazy.
LUCY Look, you're just saying that
'Cause the guy has a crush on you and he tips you in $20s.
Voice off stage Lucy.
(LUCY blots her lips on a napkin. She leaves it on the bar as she leaves.)
Dean: (walks up to the bar and smiles)
So, you got a beer back there for me?
JAMIE I don't know, agent Young.
You off duty?
Dean: And then some.
(Sam comes up and picks up the napkin with LUCY's lipstick print on it. They lean against the bar facing the room)
Dean: So, what do you think?
Goth, psycho vampire wannabe, right?
Sam: Definitely not our kind of case.
But who cares?
(they walk toward a table)
Room's paid for, and it's oktoberfest.
Come on, brother.
Beer and bar wenches.
Sam: Pretty sure women today don't react well to the whole "wench" thing, Dean.
Dean: Hey, bar wench, where's that beer?
Coming up, good sir!
JAMIE There you go.
(looking at Sam)
What can I get you?
Dean: Oh, he doesn't drink.
He's a christian scientist.
Doesn't even take aspirin.
He's a real drag on stakeouts.
(smiles at JAMIE)
JAMIE You're funny.
Dean: I'm a lot more than that.
I'd love to get a chance to show you the rest.
What time you get off?
JAMIE Ha ha.
Like I said, "funny."
Dean: Man, it is time to right some wrongs.
Sam: Come again?
Dean: Look at me.
I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right?
(listing off on his fingers)
You know, bullet wounds, knife cuts,
(holds up his spread hand, wiggles the fingers)
None of the off-Angled fingers from all the breaks.
I mean, my hide is as smooth as a baby's bottom, Which leads me to conclude, Sadly...
That my virginity is intact.
Dean: -I have been re-Hymenated.
Dean, maybe angels can pull you out of hell, But no one could do that.
Dean: Brother, I have been re-Hymenated.
And the dude will not abide.
Sam: All right, dude.
Well, you go do whatever you got to do, And I'm gonna go back to the room And get some sleep.
Dean: (at the bar)
How about tonight?
JAMIE Oh, sorry.
I promised Lucy a girls' night out.
(Dean glances at LUCY)
JAMIE Besides, no self-Respecting bar wench Lets herself get picked up by a customer on the first try.
Dean: Well, I'm not a customer.
I'm a federal agent.
Try again tomorrow, g-Man.
Dean: I wish I could.
I don't think we're staying on the case.
Is it too weird for you?
Dean: Not weird enough.
EXT. Car parked in secluded spot. It is foggy. Owl hoots.
Did you hear that?
Anna-MARIE It sounded like a wolf.
Rick: Come on, Marie, don't change the subject.
I told you what could happen to a man if he doesn't --
Anna-MARIE Those stories aren't true.
Rick: They are.
Baby, If a man doesn't get the stuff out of his system regularly, It can back up and cause all kinds of...
(shadow of hands, then monster shadow on the car. Anna-MARIE and RICH are kissing)
Anna-MARIE Shh, do you hear that?
Rick: Anne marie, there aren't any wolves in pennsylvania.
(WEREWOLF breaks window and pulls Rick out)
EXT. next day Sam and Dean site across from Anna-MARIE at an outside table Anna-MARIE
(sucks on a straw in a large cup. Sam and Dean exchange a look.)
And then it just -- It just tore Rick into little pieces.
Dean: Ma'am, we understand how hard this is, But can you describe the creature?
(sucks on straw)
It was a werewolf.
Sam: A werewolf?
Anna-MARIE With the furry face and the black nose And the claws and the torn-Up pants and shirt, Like from the old movies.
Sam: Um, well...
Dean: Okay, so...
Thank you for your time.
(They leave. Anna-MARIE sucks on the straw, watches them)
EXT. the Morgue
(Sam looks at label then opens a storage drawer)
Dean: First a dracula and now a full-On movie-Time wolf man?
What the hell is going on in this town?
Sam: (unzips body bag)
Sam: All right.
(po Whatever did this wasn't a psycho wannabe.
(poking around in the corpse, lifting a piece up with a pencil)
Look at those bite marks.
(pointing at corpse)
Right down to the bone...
Dean: Strong enough to tear a healthy man apart limb from limb.
Could be a werewolf.
Sam: Yeah, except, look.
The heart's still there in one piece.
They never leave the heart behind.
Thus I reiterate --
What the hell is going on?
Sheriff: Well, I was hoping you boys could tell me.
I just got a rush job back from the lab On those fibers we found on the body.
(pulls out bag from envelop)
Dean: (pitches the bridge of his nose)
I'm getting a headache.
EXT – the bar
(Sam AND Dean sit at a table)
Dean: I don't know, man.
Looks like we've stumbled on To a midnight showing of
"dracula meets wolf man."
Is that it?
Sam: I don't know.
I mean, wolf man seems real enough.
It makes dracula seem a little less impossible, I guess.
Dean: Yeah, but werewolves don't grow wolf hair.
-That's just a myth.
Dean: So, what?
We've got a vampire And a werewolf monster mashing this town?
Looked like you guys are staying a while.
I heard about Rick Deacon.
Dean: Yeah, this case just got weird enough for, Our department.
JAMIE Well, beers are on me.
And, just so you know, I get off at midnight tonight.
Dean: Oh, it's not another, uh, girls' night out?
JAMIE Doesn't have to be.
Dean: Okay, then.
I'll see you tonight.
JAMIE Okay, then.
Dean: Hey, you think this dracula could turn into a bat?
That would be cool.
EXT - Museum Guard: (talking on cell phone)
Yeah, an Egyptian kind of deal.
No, it was just sitting there on the loading dock.
No, Doctor, there's no shipping invoice.
There's no nothing.
(sarcophagus lid begins to move)
I don't know when it was deliver, it was here when I clocked in tonight. I thought you'd know what to do. Think Helen has any record of it in her files?
(Guard turns and see a mummy rising from the sarcophagus, he stumbles back as the mummy leaves the sarcophagus and begins moving toward him.)
Holy mother of crap!
(Guard shoots the mummy. It grabs his throat and lifts him up against the wall. Guard choking)
CUT to the museum. The police are moving around. The Sheriff is seen talking to his men. Sam and Dean investigate the sarcophagus.
Sam: This sarcophagus isn't ancient.
(holding up tag)
It's from a prop house in philly.
It goes well with the bucket of dry ice
(holds up bucket)
He was keeping in it.
Sam: Is he making his own special effects?
Dean: Yeah, a mummy with a good sense of showmanship.
Sam: This is stupid.
Dean: Oh, damn it. Jamie.
You're good here with the mummy and the... (waves hands) crazy Sam: -Yeah.
(standing outside bar looking at her watch)
Your loss, g-Man.
[Hungarian accent ]
(swirls cap over his shoulder)
(JAMIE runs DRACULA follows)
DRACULA I have watched you many nights from afar.
My passion knows no bounds?!
You are the reincarnation of my beloved,
(JAMIE fumbles in her purse)
And I must have you.
(JAMIE sprays DRACULA in the face and runs away)
Mary, son of a...
(DRACULA runs after JAMIE._
(JAMIE crashes into Dean)
Dean: Son of a bitch.
DRACULA You should not use such language In the presence of my bride.
(punches DRACULA. They fight)
Dean: Jamie, run!
DRACULA You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker.
Mina is mine.
(tries to bite Dean)
(Dean rips off DRACULA's ear. He flees. Dean persues. DRACULA leaps over a gate and escapes on a moped. )
INTERMISSION EXT- bar Sam: Hey.
You guys all right?
Dean: Yeah, I think so.
And I think I know what's going on.
(sets folded towel on the table)
Dean: Part of it at least.
Sam: (opens the towel, DRACULA's ear is in the towel)
Uh, the ear part?
Dean: Ripped it off of dracula's head.
Dean: Touch it.
Feel familiar to you?
Sam: Oh, man.
Dean: The skin of a shapeshifter, Just like st. Louis and just like milwaukee.
Of course this one's all holding buckets of crazy.
Oh, and, uh...
(Dean pulls out medallion from his jacket)
I pulled this off during the fight.
(hands it to Sam)
Look at the label on the ribbon.
It's a costume rental.
Dean: All three monsters - The dracula, wolf man, and the mummy --
All the Same critter, Which means we need to catch this freak Before he "creature from the black lagoon's" somebody.
JAMIE So, you guys are like mulder and scully or something, And the x files are real?
No, "the x files"
is a tv show.
This is real.
(Dean drinks from a liquor glass)
Sam: Okay, so, the stagecraft, the costuming --
Sam: It's like he's trying to reenact his favorite monster-Movie moments, Right down to the bloody murders.
JAMIE Wait a second.
Who the hell is Mina?
That's what he called Jamie.
And he called me mr. Harker.
Sam: Jonathan Harker?
They're characters from the movies and the novels --
Mina, dracula's intended bride, Harker, the fiance Seems like he's fixating on you, Like he sees you as his bride.
Sam: But to fixate on you, My guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before or been around you.
Dean: Jamie, has anybody strange come to town, Somebody that has taken a specific notice of you?
JAMIE I don't know, Dean.
I'm a bartender.
There's lots of people.
Wait a second.
There is Ed.
Sam: "Ed Brewer" Ed?
He moved here about a month ago.
Lucy swears he has a crush on me.
He comes in almost every night.
But, you know, I don't think he's the type of guy --
Dean: Where does Ed live?
JAMIE I don't know.
But he works at the old movie theater.
I think he's a projectionist there.
Sam: -Take care of Mina?
(pacing in front of the booth Dean is sitting in)
So, monsters are real.
Dean: Some of them, yeah.
JAMIE And the shapeshifter, He can turn into different people.
Yeah,except this one's turning into the great monsters of screenland, Which is a new one for me.
JAMIE You're not really fbi, are you?
Dean: Not so much.
JAMIE So, this is what you do?
You and your partner just tramp across the country On your own dime Until you find some horrible nightmare to fight?
Dean: Some people paint.
JAMIE Wow Dean: What?
JAMIE That must suck.
I mean, you're giving up your life for this terrible...
I don't know, responsibility Dean: Last few years, I started thinking that way, And, uh, it started sort of weighing on me.
Of course, that was before...
A little while ago, I had this --
It's called a near-Death experience.
(JAMIE sits next to Dean)
...when came to...
Things were different.
My life's been different.
I realize that I help people.
Not just help them, though. I save them.
I guess it's --
It's kind of like gift...
Like a mission.
Kind of like a... a mission from god.
JAMIE So, does that make you...
Some kind of monk or something?
You know, celibate?
Dean: Man, I hope not.
(Lights come up, they break apart)
LUCY Holy crap.
Oh, my god. Jamie.
Guys, I'm -- I'm sorry.
I thought you guys were going out.
JAMIE Lucy, it's -- It's okay.
-Uh, listen --
-You know what?
LUCY I just -- I came to borrow a bottle.
I kind of got something going back at my...
Anyway, uh, you guys look really busy, So I'm just gonna get out of your hair.
JAMIE Seriously, Lucy, it's been a crazy night.
Stay for a drink.
Stay for a drink.
(JAMIE and Dean smile)
Ext – movie theathe. (Phantom of the Opera is showing. Organ music swells as Sam walks in. Sam checks the clip in his gun then walks towards a shadow of a man playing an organ. Ed BREWER switches the music to something happy)
(Sam pushes him against the organ and holds him at gun point)
You, fbi man --
What did I --
Sam: Shut up, okay, you know what you did.
Sam: I know what you are.
BREWER I'm not anything.
I just like to play the casio.
Sam: Had time to grow the ear back, huh?
(grabs BREWER's ear and pulls)
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Sam: It's supposed to come off.
BREWER No, it's not!
EXT. - bar LUCY Oh, that sounds awful.
Jamie, honey, are you okay?
JAMIE Oh, I am fine.
He didn't even touch me.
Dean, he just blew right in and fought him off.
Dean: Well, I didn't actually fly, But I'm sure it seemed that way at the time.
(LUCY blots her lipstick)
It was really, really something.
LUCY So, Dean, are you like a black belt or what?
(Dean looks at his glass, it swims before his eyes)
LUCY Well,I guess they train you to fight at the academy or whatever.
(Dean leans across to punch LUCY. He pushes JAMIE out of the booth. They both stagger.)
JAMIE Dean, what are you doing?
(She passes out, falling back into the booth)
Dean: It's you, isn't it?
(LUCY pushes her jaw back into place. Dean kicks her again.)
Dean: Oh, damn it!
What did you put in the drinks?!
(smashes bottle on the edge of table)
That's all right.
I'll skin you myself.
(Dean passes out)
EXT – dungeon
(Dean wearing an Oktoberfest costume is tied to an upright table)
Dean: Oh, come on.
(Dean looks at a portrait of a woman's face)
DRACULA She is beautiful, No?
Bride number three
(he crosses to the woman's portrait)
from the first film.
She never got the acclaim that she deserved.
(he caresses her face)
Which is why I chose her shape, Her form to move among the mortals unnoticed, To listen to the cricket songs of the living.
That is when I discovered my bride had been reborn In this century.
Dean: I can't get over what a pumpkin-Pie-Eyed, Crazy son of a bitch you really are.
You're not dracula.
You get that, right?
Or even if you think you are dracula, What the hell's up with the mummy?!
(punches Dean in the face)
I am all monsters!
Dean: Life ain't a movie, you sorry sack of –
(DRACULA punches Dean in the face)
Life is small.
Meager messy The movies are grand,simple,elegant.
I have chosen (he flings out his cape) elegance.
Dean: You think "elegance" is really the word For what you did to Marissa or Rick Deacon Or any of the others?!
DRACULA But of course.
It is a monster movie, after all.
Dean: You do realize what happens
At the end of every monster movie?
Ah. But this movie is mine.
And in it, the monster wins.
The monster gets the girl.
And the hero, he's...electrocuted.
(DRACULA crosses to a large lever)
And tonight, Jonathan Harker,
(he grips the lever)
You will be my hero.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. [ Chuckles nervously ]
Please, excuse me.
(DRACULA walks through a modern looking hallway)
DRACULA Good evening.
DELIVERY Boy Uh...pizza delivery.
DRACULA Ah, you've brought a repast.
Continue to be of such service And your life will be spared.
DELIVERY Boy Uh-Huh.
(pulls out pizza from insulated bag and holds it out)
That'll be $15.50.
DRACULA Tell me... yeah?
...is there garlic on this pizza?
DELIVERY Boy I don't know. Did you order garlic?
DELIVERY Boy Then no.
Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make.
You want to just pay me the money so I can go?
DRACULA Of course, yes, but I have a coupon.
EXT – bar
(Sam walks around)
Sam: (on cell phone)
Dean, hey, listen,uh,Ed is not our guy.
Um, I'm guessing you're at home with Jamie, So just give me a call, okay?
(Sam sees bottle on floor and napkin with lipstick print)
EXT – bedroom
(JAMIE is laying on the bed)
DRACULA You wake.
(gestures to a white satin dress hanging by the bed)
The gown -- It suits your beauty.
Please, put it on.
JAMIE Where am I?
What have you done with Dean?
DRACULA Harker is resting elsewhere.
Please, put on the gown and you may dine.
We are having pizza.
What is wrong with you?
You made up Lucy, right? Pretended to be my friend.
DRACULA I needed to know if you were the one.
JAMIE You could try talking to people!
But instead you become this?
DRACULA Put on the gown.
I don't want to play your stupid game, okay?
I just --I just want to go home.
Put on the gown!
EXT – front door of DrACULA's residence(lock is picked and Sam enters. He holds his gun out at the ready)
EXT – bedroom (JAMIE smooths the gown down her hips)
[ Normal voice ]I-I scared you.
You were the only one I don't want to scare.
(he turns so he can see JAMIE)
I used to love the movies.
JAMIE They aren't real.
You can't make them real.
"Real" is being born this way.
"Real" is having your dad call you "monster" --
It's the first time you hear the word –
(he turns away from JAMIE)
And he tries to beat you to death with a shovel.
Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide, People found me, dagged me Called me "freak," called me "monster."
Then I found them.
(he turns back to JAMIE)
The great monsters.
In their movies,they were strong.
They were feared.
They were beautiful.
And now I am like them.
[ Hungarian accent ]terrifying.
[ Normal voice ]was lonely.
Now I --
I have you.
JAMIE Ever think that maybe you're lonely Because you kill people?
Or I kill people because I'm lonely.
(sound of something being knocked over)
Did you hear that?
(DRACULA hits her, knocking her out)
EXT – dungeon. (Sam enters)
Dean: Oh,thank god. Just in the nick of time.
That guy was about to Frankenstein me.
(Sam unties Dean)
Sam: Hey there, Hansel.
Dean: (points finger at Sam)
(Dean gestures for Sam to kick down the door. Sam puts his foot through the door)
Sam: Let's go.
EXT – bedroom
(Sam opens the door and crosses to JAMIE lying on the bed.)
[ Hungarian accent ]you will never be van helsing!
(DRACULA throws Sam through the wall.)
(Dean attacks him. They fight)
DRACULA And you, Harker, now you die.
Dean: How 'bout now you shut the hell up?
(Dean is thrown to the ground, DRACULA raises his arms, about to go in for the kill. GUN SHOOTS.)
(he turns to see JAMIE holding the gun)
It was beauty that killed the beast.
No, Mina, do not weep.
(falls into a chair)
Perhaps this is how The movie should end.
(Fade in on DRACULA's slumped form in the chair)
EXT – town square.
(Dean and JAMIE kissing)
JAMIE Well, thank you, g-Man.
You have been a great service (kiss) to your country (kiss)
Dean: Oh, yes, (kiss) I'm very, very patriotic.
(Sam standing behind Dean. Dean looks over his shoulder at him. Sam smiles tensely. Dean turns back to JAMIE)
(Dean and Sam begin to walk away)
JAMIE You guys (they pause and turn back to her)
saved my life, you know?
Sam: I like her.
Dean: Feels good to be back on the job, doesn't it?
Sam: Yeah, it does.
Dean: The hero gets the girl, Monster gets the gets all in all, happy ending --
With a happy ending, no less.
Sam: [ Chuckles ]real classy, Dean.
Dean: Hey, all I'm saying is The shifter man had a point, you know?
It would be nice if life was movie simple.
Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this "Abbott and Costello meet the monster" crap.
Sam: Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.
Dean: [ Chuckles ]No, you don't.
Sam: Yeah, I do.
Dean: No. You don't. You don't!
Sam: "Porky's II."
Sam: You heard me.
Dean: Lucky guess.