02x09 - All’s Flair in Love and w*r

[bunniefuu]

2x09 - All's Flair in Love and w*r [ Humming ] [ Sizzling ]

Oh my god, we are so late. I was so tired last night, I think I accidentally set the baby and changed the alarm.

[ Chuckles ]

Things at the bar are insane. I have to be there in 20 minutes.

The event manager quit and...

Wait. Tucker.

Hmm?

Are you making an omelet?

Yes, I am.

One or two?

Two. Okay...

Tucker, do we have company?

We most certainly do. Okay.

Dude, that's awesome.

Congratulations.

Thanks, man. It just kinda happened.

Wow. You have not had a sleepover since you dumped that crazy-ass shrew Vanessa.

Ben, don't talk about her like that, okay?

She was not that bad.

Really?

Really? Man-Eater? Joy crusher?

Monster of Manhattan? Wicked witch of the West side?

Seriously, Tucker, we ran out of nicknames for her.

She's here, isn't she?

Yes. Yes, she is. [ Chuckles ]

Good morning.

Hey, babe.

How'd you sleep?

I'll let you know after I get some sleep.

Mmm! [ Both chuckle ]

Oh, you guys remember Vanessa, don't you?

[ Babbles ]

We sure do.

[ Theme music playing ]

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
♪ can take your life and change direction. ♪



What is she doing here?

Ben, Vanessa has changed.

Tucker, may I remind you she stole both your mo and your jo.

How did this even happen?

Well, it's complicated.

I missed her. She missed me.

Okay, it's really not that complicated.

Look, look, please, I am begging you, Ben.

Just try to get along with her.

Fine, but remember... if you ever wake up with two puncture wounds in your neck, we keep the wooden stakes in the junk drawer.

Congratulations, Wheeler.

One goal, three assists, four broken teeth and only one of them was yours.

Great game.

Great game, honey.

Oh, hey, dimples. You're the new goalie, right?

Little advice... keep your head up and your chest out.

Thanks. Are you a coach?

No, former runner-up miss teen New Jersey.

Keep it real, dimples.

Wow. I don't know if those are pads or not, but either way, thank you.

Hey, Wheeler, good game.

You too.

Umm, who is that?

That's Gerard. Two-time M.V.P. and current centerfold for the N.H.L. calendar.

I was this close!

Well, he is very... thought-provoking.

You want me to try to set you guys up?

No. No, you know that I hate set-ups.

But I could probably just...

No.

If I talk to him maybe...

Dan, do not.

I think that he would...

Stop talking.

Danny, promise me you will not try to set me up with him.

Okay, I promise.

Hey, Wheeler, that girl you were talking to...

You want me to set you up? She's totally into you.

I don't have to show her my calendar?

'Cause I have some signed ones in my locker.

I think you're good. [ Chuckles ]

And it's Wheeler with the assist.

[ Elevator dings ]

[ Door opens ]

Hey, Ben.

Hey.

How's the most understanding guy in the world?

In a rush. I've only got an hour before my next shift and lucky me, I've got a hot date with the cutest girl in town. Where's Emma?

Oh, I talked Riley into watching her.

I was hoping you and I could have a little conversation about vanessa.

Wait, what happened? She's not moving in, is she?

No. [ Chuckles ]

Dude, it's only been two days. I am not crazy.

Check back next week.

What's this? Vanessa's resume?

That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

What's going on?

You know how you guys met at o'Hooligans bartending and then she went back to school to study restaurant management?

Uh-huh.

And how there's that open event manager position at your bar?

Please don't tell me she got that job.

Don't be ridiculous! What? That's stupid.

She has an interview in a half hour.

Remember, she doesn't like formal set-ups, so when you see her, just be cool.

Stick to the basics like, "hey, what a coincidence,"

Or "fancy meeting you here," or "come here often?"

Then compliment her smile or something.

I find the mouth to be a very compliment-neutral zone.

Got it. She'll never know.

But I can't believe you haven't asked her out yet.

I mean she's... really something.

Uh... it's complicated.

But she really is the smartest, sweetest, prettiest... what the hell?

[ Mutters ] I'll be right back.

What is going on? Why do you look like that?

Oh, well, today we learned that a picnic with Emma is no picnic.

What's the emergency?

Oh my god, is that Gerard?

Danny, I explicitly asked you not to set me up with him.

You promised.

Okay.

I'll tell him you're not interested.

But he wouldn't stop talking about you.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Well, then it would be rude not to say "hi" now that I'm here then, right?

[ Fusses ] Oh my god, he can't see me like this.

I'll clean up Emma and you do whatever it is you do to not look like... whatever that is.

Oh, and I called my mom. She's gonna come and get Emma just in case you and Gerard hit it off.

Why wouldn't we hit it off? He's gorgeous and he's in love with me.

Two of my favorite qualities in a man. You're the best, Danny.

Well, holey moley, it's the goalie.

[ Chuckles ] Hey, I'm looking for a Wheeler... king-sized or a mini, either will do.

Hey, what a coincidence. Fancy meeting you here.

[ Chuckles ] You come here often?

You have beautiful teeth. [ Chuckles ]

As do you.

And what's surrounding them ain't too shabby either.

[ Chuckles ] I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime.

Oh... Gerard.

Oh. I was afraid this was gonna happen.

You know, I just can't.

I don't think Danny would like me dating one of his teammates.

Maybe a hot, secret affair.

No no, Bonnie! No, I'm sorry.

I can't.

What if I told you that this was Danny's idea in the first place?

That he was the one who suggested this rendezvous?

Really? Danny used the word "rendezvous"?

Here. Here's my number.

Danny and I are flying to Montreal this afternoon for an away game.

Maybe you can call me after I get back.

[ Beeps ]

[ Chuckling ] [ Camera phone clicks ]

So you don't forget.

Well, if I forget, it's because I'm in a box and they're throwing dirt on me.

Okay.

Okay, what do you think?

I think if you can do that in two minutes, why does it always take you guys two hours?

Oh, there you are.

And here I go.

Hi, Mrs. Wheeler.

Hey, mom, thanks for coming down.

Mm-Hmm. "Baby emergency"?

I know what you're really up to with this whole rendezvous.

I... don't what that means.

Here, I cleaned her up for you.

Oh. Well, after you look up "rendezvous," you might wanna look up "clean." [ Chuckles ]

Come on, Emma. I'm gonna show you a great picture on my phone.

Oh, I'm done. You can take it.

Uh, Gerard, right? Danny's friend?

We met the other night.

Oh, yeah yeah.

I don't know where Danny ran off to, but would you like to have a seat?

Sure. I would love to.

Well, I have a plane to catch. If you see him... there he is.

Never mind. Thanks anyway.

Perfect. Thank you.

So? Huh? How'd it go?

Well, she played a little hard to get at first, but then I won her over in the end.

Hey, have you seen Vanessa?

No.

[ Door closes ]

Hey, Vanessa, you and I have got to talk before it's too late.

Before what's too late?

You getting the job and destroying my life.

Then it's too late.

Dude, stop complaining.

I think it's a great uniform.

Though I do have the overwhelming urge to call you jeeves and have you go fetch me something.

How can you not see that Vanessa is ruining my life?

My hours are nuts, and I have to work some stupid party.

Oh my god. She's making you do your job and you're making more money! She's a monster!

Ben, we are not gonna keep having this conversation.

Vanessa is amazing.

The only problem with me and Vanessa this time is you.

So you admit you're having problems.

Fine. I will try to get along with her.

Thank you. [ Sighs ]

That'll be all, jeeves.

[ Sighs ]

So, boss lady, I think you and I need to figure out a way to get along.

Hopefully we won't have to worry about that much longer.

Any chance the reason involves the words "terminal" or "deported"?

I got this job by promising them I could launch the new party space, and they've empowered me to make any changes necessary, so obviously I'll be evaluating everyone's performance.

Are you threatening me?

Well, if you have to ask, then I didn't do it right.

Just make sure you're there by 6:00.

I just sent everyone an email with the info.

[ Fusses ]

[ Beeps ] [ Door closes ]

Oh, here it is. Apparently hell has good wifi.

[ Chuckles ]

What's this? She put down the wrong date.

Do we tell her half the staff won't show up?

Well, if you're not gonna say anything, neither will I. [ Chuckles ]

I know you keep saying that Gerard is interested, but I just don't see it.

Well, according to him, you're the one playing hard to get.

Danny, seriously?

Have you ever known me to play hard to get?

Good point.

But the whole reason he's going to the party tonight is because he wants to see you, and that says "interested" to me... as does that dress.

Do you think he'll like it?

Trust me, he's a dude, and we all like the same thing... a minimal amount of fabric with straps we can figure out in the dark.

Well, just a sec. Let me check my hair.

Okay, sitter's here. Bring on the beer, pizza rolls and the password for your pay-per-view.

Oh, and the baby.

Hey, mom.

I didn't think y'all were coming back until tomorrow.

Oh, Gerard and I caught an earlier flight because Ben invited us to the big party.

You should come, get a sitter. You never know who you'll meet.

I kinda think you just told me, and his name rhymes with "mirard."

Yes.

All right.

Ta-Da! Oh, hey, Mrs. Wheeler.

Oh, hey, Riley. You look like you're ready to stay in and do laundry tonight.

Wanna watch Emma for me?

Ooh, sorry.

It seems I got myself a date tonight.

Well, that makes two of us.

Well, those are two lucky guys.

Oh yeah.

[ Rock music playing ]

[ Chattering ]

Okay, gin and tonic coming right up.

[ Chuckles ] Gin and tonic.

Here you go.

You know, when Vanessa said, "Tucker, help out behind the bar,"

I think she meant, "Tucker, help out behind the bar."

I'm trying. Half of the staff didn't show up.

This looks horrible for her.

Yeah, I know.

Let's just hope she's not being evaluated.

Hey, Wheeler, is she here yet?

Yeah, I'll find her. Just go wait over there.

Hi, mom.

Hey, honey.

Okay, people, this party is two seconds from hitting an iceberg and I can't afford to have one more thing go wrong.

Baby, will you please bus some tables? I'll help Ben.

I'm on it. Time to bus-a-move.

Hey, I don't need any help. You're forgetting...

I'm one of the best bartenders in New York.

And you're forgetting who taught you.

Oh...

Oh, hey, look who I found. You two know each other, right?

Definitely.

Oh, I should probably... just gonna walk away. [ Chuckles ]

Beautiful dress.

Thank you.

Please... notice the straps.

You know, to be honest, I was really starting to think you didn't like me.

And it turns out I was right, so...

Hey, I've been looking everywhere for you.

Well, I guess "good-looking" doesn't mean "good looker."

[ Chuckles ] Well, I like a woman who plays hard to get.

Let's not go overboard. It's probably not gonna take a whole lot to kick this baby out of neutral.

You look like you could use some champagne.

Don't go anywhere. [ Chuckles ]

Walk slow.

Hey, man. So how's it going?

Amazing. Thanks again.

Hey, mom.

Oh, hey, honey.

Hey. So I hear things are going great.

The only thing great about this night is that I left the tags on this dress.

I'm telling you... he doesn't like me.

Okay, that's not... Stay here.

It's a total shame about that email.

I should've fired you the second I got this job.

Too bad after tonight you're never gonna get that chance.

Oh, I'm not going anywhere. You are. But don't worry.

I'll be sure to give you a great recommendation.

Okay, I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but it isn't working.

What do you mean it's not working?

You've seen my calendar.

Dude, I'm just telling you you need to be a little more aggressive.

Aggressive, I can do that.

Hey, boys. So what's a lady got to do to get a glass of champagne around here?

Bonnie.

Mom!

Bonnie: Gerard.

Mom?

Oh, I've got it.

Whoa!

Danny: I got it!

Vanessa: Watch out!

[ People screaming ]

This isn't going on my evaluation, is it?

[ Sighs ] Okay, I know you're mad and you may not be speaking to me right now, but I've thought about this long and hard.

And I want you to know it wasn't my fault.

I know.

Oh. Okay, then.

I guess I'll skip ahead to the part of my speech where I'm irate that your girlfriend got me fired.

No need. She promised me that you wouldn't lose your job.

Well, then I guess I'll skip all the way to the end where I promise to get along with her. [ Clinks ]

Ben, that's not necessary, man.

I broke up with her.

[ Laughing ]

Dude, I... I know that I'm smiling right now, but on the inside...

I'm smiling, too.

Look, Tucker, man, I'm sorry.

But I guess she didn't change after all.

Oh, she changed with me.

I mean, she was loving and sweet, even let me dress myself.

There was one thing that she couldn't change, and that's how much she hated you.

And I can't be in a relationship with someone who hates my best friend.

So you broke up with her because of me?

Yeah.

I guess I did. [ Chuckles ]

Hey, Wheeler, I'm looking for Gerard.

Now? Are you sure?

'Cause I've been thinking a lot about this and I don't think he's good enough for you.

Who cares? I just wanna show him what he's losing out on.

He is going to regret ignoring me.

Oh. Hey, you. Remember me?

Hey, Danny.

Oh, sorry, Riley, I didn't bring any singles.

Gerard, phone broken? [ Sighs ]

Sorry, Bonnie, I didn't call you back.

I'm just a little freaked out about dating somebody's mom.

I'm sorry. You two are dating?

Well, I thought we were. Danny set us up.

No, he didn't.

Danny set us up.

No, he didn't.

Okay, wait.

All right, so you really don't want to date me now that you know I'm a mom?

No, I didn't say that. I just need to wrap my head around it.

Yeah, well, wrap your head around this... Buh-Bye.

You know what, Riley? He's all yours.

I don't want him. Why wouldn't you want to date her?

She's beautiful and hilarious.

I didn't say that. - Yeah, and why wouldn't you want to go with her?

She is gorgeous and half-naked.

I didn't know it was an option.

It's not.

You know what? I don't even know why I'm standing here.

Neither do I. Lunch?

Sounds good.

Great.

So can we go straight to lunch or do you need to call your pimp and check in?

Tucker: Where are we going?

Ben: Stop talking.

Keep walking.

[ Exasperated sigh ]

[ Clicks ]

[ Chuckles ]

Ben...

Now I know I said that you were my best friend, but this is just taking the bromance thing a little too far.

Dude, I'm not your date.

Hey, Tucker.

She is.

Vanessa. What are you doing here?

Actually, it was Ben's idea.

A table for two?

I think we might have one available.

[ Chuckles ]

Dude, this is awesome, but... if nothing's really gonna change then...

That's just it. We talked and it will.

Even though we might be disgusted by the sight...

Knowledge... existence of each other, we both want you to be happy.

And if that means me and Vanessa getting along, then Vanessa and I are gonna get along.

Have a wonderful dinner.

Hang on, Ben.

Thanks so much for doing this. It means a lot.

I'm glad. So maybe we can bury the hatchet?

Oh, I know I will.

Hello, Gerard.

Hi, Bonnie.

I'm glad you called. Thanks for giving me another sh*t.

Well when you texted and said you would do anything ... for a second chance, I thought "why not"?

Well. What would you like me to do first?

Mhm.

Well I put Emma done about a half an hour ago.

Here is diaper bag, the baby monitor, and this schedule and... list of emergency contacts. I should be back around ten.

Whoa, whoa, wait! You want me to babysit?

Ohh, I am sorry... was there some sort of misunderstanding?

Bye-bye.