15x14 - I Want a New Drug

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four, unh! ♪

♪ Whoo-o-o-o ♪

MEREDITH: Pharmaceuticals are designed to mimic

the body's natural brain chemicals...

the ones that make you feel good,

make you feel better, make you feel unstoppable.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

- tie, please.

♪ In the back of my mind, I was losing it ♪

How long do you think it'll take before I'm ready to do a -hour surgery?

I'm not sure that's a healthy life goal, Qadri.

[CRUNCHING]

Hey.

What's going on?

Mer's doing a pancreas-sparing total duodenectomy in a frozen abdomen.

Oh. It got moved from yesterday?

No, she started it yesterday.

Five more hours, and she's gonna break the hospital's record for the longest surgery.

You think it's gonna take five more hours?

Well, I mean, with the adhesions and the scar tissue, it's taking her longer, so, yeah.

She can b*at the record.

- Feel a little better?
- No.

I mean, yeah, she gets awards and prizes and all that, but I get to be chief, so we're good.

[LAUGHS]

They make it in a lab and put it in a pill for pain relief,

giving you the high your body creates naturally

anytime you're doing something you love.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Helm.

You want to tap out?

No, thank you.

- DeLuca?
- No, thank you. I'm good.

[THUD]

Think he could use a break, though.

[WHIRRING]

When I said "breakfast," I meant more of a place where we sit, someone takes our order, there's less... lion jaws.

No. Um... pointed reduction clamp.

I let interns assist on hip replacements once they're prepared.

I don't dish out special favors.

[WHIRRING STOPS]
- At work.

- [DEVICE CLATTERS]
- Neck osteotomy's done.

Now we got to get into the femoral canal.

What's the next step?

Okay, first, I'll do a ream.

And what would you use?

I think the Christmas Tree Reamer.

[WHIRRING]

Let's do actual breakfast on Thursday.

I'll make French toast.

MAGGIE: [LAUGHS]

Why are you holding toilet paper?

It's the most important camping supply.

Oh, God. Why's your face like that?

I, uh...

O-Our weekend away is camping?

Yeah. Babe, what did you think Glen Rock was?

"Sounds fancy, but I deserve it"?

I mean, of all the campsites I went to, yeah, I guess it's the fanciest.

It did have running water.

But no toilet paper, so no...

Toilets.

Okay, so, right. Where do we go...

I packed a small shovel.

And there are these really nice rocks. They're great.

You just kind of move over them, kind of, as you...

Look, it's camping, babe.

We're going camping.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Are we, though?

Ohh! You're gonna love it!

This is Tom Koracick? The one who works here?

I was surprised, too.
But it's, you know...

I don't know. It's new, and it's... it's just kind of... amazing.

Look, I definitely didn't expect to be dating at weeks pregnant, but he's kind and fun, and he's kinda wow.

- Huh.
- [LAUGHING] I know.

- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- How about you and Ben, now that he's back home? Watch out!

Slow down! This is a hospital!

MAN: Get out! Go, go, go!

- Oh, my...
- Go, go, go, go!

- [ENGINE REVS]
- Hey, Bailey, pinpoint pupils!

Yeah. Get some Narcan, a crash cart, and some O .

I think we got an OD.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

I thought you'd be in O.R. .

I've been busy.

This boy's buddies almost ran me over in the ambulance bay.

Tossed him out of the car.

Opioid overdose.

Why? What's going on in O.R. ?

Grey's been in surgery since yesterday.

Quite a crowd.

Bailey, we got two more.

Two more overdoses?

Mm-hmm. Jerry and Paula. Regulars.

Always sh**ting up in the park down the street.

They usually wake up with one dose of Narcan and then refuse treatment, but I've already given them three doses, and they're not responding.

There's a bad batch of something out there.

MAN ON P.A.: Attention, all units. We've reached Code Red status.

Any available unit, please report to Meridien Park

for multiple suspected overdose events.

Looks like I'll be seeing a lot of you today.

[SIGHS]

Okay, listen up.

This is gonna be an all-hands-on-deck situation.

Let's page on-call personnel.

Let's make sure that we got all the Narcan from the pharmacy to reverse the opioids.

We need to be prepared for secondary injuries and side effects.

Wait a minute.
Where are all my residents?

RICHARD:
- Uh, they're in Grey's gallery.

I'll make sure they get down here.

- Okay.
- What about Hunt?

Um, he's, uh...

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

He's saying goodbye to Leo.
Betty's parents are taking him.

Oh. Um...

I'm sorry to hear about that, but this is a mass OD.

Yep. Okay. We'll page him.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Get your shoe on.

Okay. Get your shoe on.

Your mom got this for him.
Do you want to keep it or...

No, no. That's his favorite.

We were gonna... We were gonna watch him grow up.

We were gonna teach him so many things.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Well...

Listen.

I, um... [LAUGHS]

I hope you play soccer.

[LAUGHS]

- [CRIES]
- I hope you love your life.

Wait, wait. Yours makes mine sound shallow.

Yeah. You should probably go again.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Yeah. Um...

Listen.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I'm always gonna be rooting for you.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Okay. Ready?

No.

But they're good people, Owen, and they love him.

He will be loved.

Hey.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Come in.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

So, uh... may I?

Oh. Uh, sorry.

Yeah. Here.

Hi!

[FUSSES] Ohh!

When he gets fussy like that, he's usually just hungry.

- We've raised one before.
- It's okay.

- [CELLPHONE BUZZES]
- Right.

E.R. . All hands on deck.

So, we are, uh... very grateful to you both.

- I have to go.
- Owen...

Listen, it's a massive incoming trauma. I have to go.

[LEO CRYING]

I'll just, um...

[DOOR CLOSES]

Do you want to feed him while I finish packing him up?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Whoopsie!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, everybody slow down.

Speak to your team calmly, get what they need, and handle it.

With this many people, communication is key.

- What do you got?
- He was responding until about two minutes ago, when he started hypoventilating again.

Get him on a Narcan drip.

Bailey, how's it going?

It's worse outside than it is in here.

And too many teenagers.

I'm aware that I sound like my mother, but is the world going to Hell in a handbasket?

[RAPID BEEPING]

Uh, . of Narcan.

All right. Bailey, you got this?

I'm gonna go to the ambulance bay and see if I can get it under control.

Teddy, I'll do it.

Owen. Look, I'm sorry.

I-I wasn't gonna page you, but...

No, no, no. Better here than at home.

Okay.

Hey.

People are dropping like flies all over the park.

Never seen anything like it.

How many ODs have been called in?

[SIGHS] and counting.

[INDISTINCT TALKING, SIRENS WAILING]

Whoa.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, everybody! Listen up!
Here's how this is gonna go.

Three ambulances are gonna pull up.

When the patients are offloaded, they're gonna pull out, and then the next three are gonna come in.

We're gonna set up a triage area, where we're gonna assess each ambulance and mark them with the appropriate tag.

Red tags get priority for the E.R.

Walking wounded will be shown to the clinic, where they're gonna be evaluated.

- Thank you.
- [FEEDBACK]

Thank you. Let's go.

MEREDITH: Helm, tell me about the SMA first approach.

[STRAINED] You, uh, dissect out the entire superior mesenteric artery to, uh, evaluate for any... tumor invasion.

Helm, are you in pain?

No.

I, uh...

I just, uh, shouldn't have had so much coffee.

- Well, then go.
- No. I can hold it.

If you can, I can.

Did she have her bladder stapled?

That's not the hard part... the achy legs, the sore feet, the cramping back, or the bladder.

No, the hard part is that this surgery doesn't get easier as it goes on... it gets harder.

And her eyes and her instincts will need to be sharper when she finishes than when she started.

And that was yesterday.

Do you think she's part robot?

I can hear you.

I'm... so sorry.

Helm, just go. Go update the family.

Tell them that he's doing great.

And then go see what you can do in the pit.

Thank you! Sorry. Thank you!

Hey! Dr. Hays wants to know if he can still do that surgery.

Not if it's elective. I want those O.R.s free.

Have you ever seen anything like this?

No. And of course it happens on a day that Mer sets a new surgical record.

I mean, I want to be there to cheer her on.

She has DeLuca to cheer her on.

Well, that's not a thing.
Pretty sure that's a thing.

WENDY: Truman! Truman?

- Ma'am, are you okay?
- My son... Truman.

He's three years old...

He has blond hair, he's wearing a blue shirt, I think...

All right, we'll call security...

I talked to the police.

The police are at the park, looking.

We were at the park, playing, and suddenly there were ambulances and police cars everywhere, and I went to see what was going on, and then when I turned around...

[VOICE BREAKING] ...Truman was gone, and then, uh...

Anyway, the police are looking in the park, and so I thought I would come here and see if an ambulance person or a fireman...

- W-What's your name?
- Wendy.

- Wendy, look, we're gonna help you.
- Jo, can you take her...

I'll take her to security, see if he's here.

- Do you have a picture of him?
- Yes. Yes.

MAGGIE: Okay, I'll make sure she has a tele bed to monitor for arrhythmias.

And I'll be out of town this weekend, but I'll have Parker check for her electrolytes and cardiac markers, and you just, you know, call me if you see anything unusual.

- All right.
- If calls can even go through.

I might be completely off the grid.

You going to the moon?

I'm going camping.

Why?

'Cause Jackson loves camping and I love Jackson.

I love Ben, but I don't love fantasy basketball.

Therefore, I don't participate.

I'm going camping, Bailey, and I am going to like it.

Are you, though?

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

All right, Qadri, so, we're definitely looking at a sh**t's abscess.

I need to you make sure he's got plenty of antibiotics and get a full washout in the O.R.

And look, I know it smells bad, but breathe out of your mouth or something so you don't look so overtly disgusted.

Mr. Frazier's prepped for his hip replacement, and Schmitt's been crushing the saw bones sessions, so he'll assist.

That's great, but Schmitt's gonna have to wait.

But his technique's flawless, and I'll be there...

I see the butterflies floating around between you two, and that's cool, but try to see past them long enough to notice the flood of patients around you.

I postponed Mr. Frazier's surgery.

It's all hands on deck with trauma.

- Got it.
- This unlucky lady not only OD'd, she broke both of her arms when she fell.

She needs to go to the O.R. Schmitt can assist with that.

And tell the anesthesiologist she's had four doses of Narcan.

Thank you so much, sir. I won't let you down.

I am ready and prepared and...

Show me, don't tell me, Schmitt.

Interns. Am I right?

[SCOFFS]

No offense.

None taken.

Out of your mouth, please.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[INDISTINCT TALKING, SIRENS WAILING]

Apneic at the scene with erratic rhythms... last BP, over .

Got one patient responsive after two doses of Narcan and another one with decreased mentation but responsive and talking.

[RAPID BEEPING]

He lost his pulse. Starting CPR.

Helm, your two sound good to go to the clinic,but keep an eye on them.

- Yes, sir.
- Let's get them inside. Come on.

[PANTING]

[WEAKLY] What's happening?

LINUS: Is s-she gonna be okay?

Get these two into the clinic.

Is she... Betty!

Betty!

MEREDITH: Unh! - .

- .

♪♪

[CHEERING]

- What happened?
- You did it.

No, I haven't finished the anastomosis or the lymphadenectomy.

Suture scissors, Bokhee.

Mered...

Dr. Grey, you just b*at the hospital record for the longest single surgery.

Yeah. I guess I did.

[SIGHS]

Damn it.

What?

That just means that I'm gonna want to break it again.

[SCOFFS]

Okay, let's get ready with some lap pads.

And, uh, Bokhee, someone should update the family.

Okay. I'm gonna tell them their son's being saved by a surgical legend.

Okay, don't do that.

Surgical superhero?

- No.
- Wonder Woman?

Yeah! Perfect.

[LAUGHS]

Thank you, Bokhee.

Whoo!

You are.

Okay, now observe the scaphoid carefully.

What's the usual point of entry?

The distal pole.

But wait. There's a humpback deformity.

Exactly.

Can you imagine...

- [WHIRRING]
- ...wanting something so badly that you'd be willing to break both your arms to get it?

Well, she didn't mean to break her arms.

Yeah, I know. I'm just...

I broke both my arms once.

You did?

Couldn't wipe my own butt all summer. It was the worst.

But the new X-Men comic was coming out, and I had to have it.

Like, had to be first in line because, in my world, that was the only thing worth bragging about.

Fell off your bike?

Flipped over the handlebars... one block from the store.

I got two months in casts, three months of PT.

And Robbie Freaking Krimefelt got bragging rights.

So yeah.

I get wanting something so bad you'd be willing to...

Whoa. You just...

All right.

She's all good.

And with no hands to sh**t up for the next three months, hopefully, she'll actually manage to detox.

WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

Dr. Mahoney to the E.R.

Hey.

Tell me she found that kid.

No. Security's on it.

I'm worried about her.
Her BP's through the roof.

She is so scared.

MAN: Excuse me.

I found him in the park... kind of shook up.

Truman!

I'm gonna...

Mommy!

ALEX: Thank you.

I saw him wandering, and I thought, well, everybody's coming here.

Uh... yeah.

Let... Let us get you some food and some shoes, maybe.

No. Unh-unh.

No, please. We got to take a look at those feet.

Uh, Qadri, could you help this gentleman?

Yeah.

So, she's all right, then? That lady?

Oh, yeah. She's... She's fine, thanks to you.

She was scared out of her mind.

No, I mean from the park.

I saw her passed out on the bench out there with the rest of them junkies.

♪♪

[SIRENS WAILS, INDISTINCT TALKING]

I want to go.

Can we go? Can you get our clothes?

Okay, yeah. Sure. I just... I want to make sure you're okay.

I want to go.

I don't want Amelia to see me here.

I-I don't want to put her through that again.

- O-Okay.
- Linus, please, can we...

[GASPING]

Hey. Hey!

Hey! Help! I need help!

Hey. It's okay.

She was just talking.

She wasn't complaining of anything when she came in.

Well, she's complaining now.

- It hurts!
- What did she take? I need to know.

Meth.

We smoked some meth before the batch of pills came 'round.

over .

Okay, I need a gurney!

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Out of my way.

Out of my way!

♪♪

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

I got a hypertensive emergency here.

Took meth and opioids and whatever they were laced with.

Clear a trauma room now!

♪♪

OWEN: - tube.

LINK: Helm said she was stable when she landed. This just happened.

LINUS: What's happening? Is she okay?

- Who's that?
- No idea. Boyfriend?

Get him out of here. I've got this.

No! I need to be with Betty, all right?

- I love her. I love her. Please.
- Get him out of here!

I need to be with her!
She's afraid to be alone!

Dude, let me help you. Let them help her.

Go.

- RICHARD: How can I help?
- She needs to be ruled out of multi-organ damage, hypertensive ICH.

I've started her on a clevidipine drip.

Hunt, you need to step away.

We need that X-ray in here now!

Let me do this!

Just... call Amelia.

Tell her that Betty's back.

We don't need her to flip her car trying to get here.

Richard, please.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

[SIGHS]

♪♪

I need to be with Betty.

No, you need hydration, and we need to observe...

One of the first nights at rehab,

Betty was telling me what she's scared of.

I-I-It was blood, being home alone in the dark, falling into a frozen lake, a-and she was scared that for the rest of her life, she'd have to tell people that her dealer got her pregnant at .

And who would love her then?

But I did. All right?

And I do.

And I told her that one day, we'd get a house and that we could keep the lights on all the time and we'd be nowhere near a lake and that no matter what, I would love her.

No matter what. You have to save her... please.

Betty's getting the help she needs.

I'll... get you an update as soon as I can.

Okay, Ralph, I've paged a plastic surgeon to come take a look at these skin lesions.

[LAUGHS]

I don't have any shoes, but I'm getting plastic surgery.

[CHUCKLES]

And I'll need a urine sample.

What for?

We just need to run a tox screen.

Oh, that's unnecessary.

I don't do dr*gs or drink alcohol.

I just make my home in the park.

I'm not like them.

They're bringing down the neighborhood, you ask me.

Do you have... anywhere else that you could stay?

A temporary shelter?

No. They got more people than they got beds.

They set a limit on how many nights you can stay.

I maxed out months ago.

I never thought I'd be calling a park bench my home, but rent control went out, and I went out with it.

JACKSON: [SIGHS]

- Qadri, what do we have?
- This is Mr. Tennyson.

He's got ulcerations and eschars on the dorsums of his feet.

Mr. Tennyson, this is Dr. Avery.
He's our head of plastics.

You don't want to give me a nose job, do you?

[LAUGHS]

No, sir. Your nose is perfect.

I would like to take a look at these feet, though.

Qadri, face.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[MONITOR BEEPING]

TEDDY: She's got a widened mediastinum, and with the meth and opioids...

You're worried about an aortic dissection.

Mm-hmm.

RICHARD: It's a known complication of meth.

She's got the classic signs.

- Hey. Where is she?
- Amelia...

Well, is she hurt or just high? Richard said...

Listen, I didn't want you to panic, but we received some patients from Meridien Park, and they all OD'd from the same drug...

She OD'd? Is she okay?

You brought them here?

They were still at the house.

- That's Britney.
- Britney?

CAROL: Oh, my God. What happened? Is she hurt? I need to see her. Move.

OWEN: You can't go in there.
You can't go...

Oh, my God. You had to intubate her?

- You can't go in there right now...
- That is our daughter!

Yeah, and I'm her doctor, okay? So...

Okay, everyone calm down and let Dr. Altman do her work.

You too, Hunt.

Okay, just tell us what happened.

She, uh, complained about chest pain, and it looks like she's had an aortic dissection.

We're prepping her for the O.R. right now.

Surgery?

We're gonna call Pierce, we're gonna meet her there.

- I'm gonna do it.
- No, no. You have an entire E.R...

- Bailey can handle it.
- No. I'm gonna call Pierce...

We don't have time to wait for Pierce.

Owen, let her do it.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna go, too.

Uh, Dr. Hunt, now, you can help out in the pit, or you can sit in the chair with the other parents, but you will not step one foot in that O.R.

- [BABY CRYING]
- TEDDY: All right, here we go.

All right. Watch the baby, please.

Here we come.

Thank you. Hold the elevator!

♪♪

I don't understand why you took him. He was fine.

Because he was out of your sight for a little while, so we just needed to check him out.

He'll be back soon.

You know, let me... let me take your blood pressure again.

I'm fine!

And so is he.

We should just be able to go.

Okay.

Stuart?

Oh, my God!

Honey, they didn't need to call you.

We just had a little scare.

Wendy, tell me what the hell is going on.

I just...

Rita gave me some pills once, from her back surgery, just... to relax me.

You were in the park to buy dr*gs?

You took Truman with you to buy dr*gs?

I couldn't leave him alone in the car.

[VOICE BREAKING] Please, Stuart. I'm sorry.

I love him. I love him.

I love him! You have to forgive me!

Can you take me to my son, please?

[CRYING] Please.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

♪♪

[SIGHS]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

It's a lot, right?

This is one of those days where being a doctor is...

[SIGHS] It feels futile.

It's, like, we're in here doing our damnedest to save lives, and out there, people are just k*lling themselves or each other faster than we can possibly work, so...

[SIGHS] ...what's the point?

Where would you go?

If you just... gave it all up?

Um...

You know, when it all seems hopeless, what's your secret fantasy escape hatch?

♪♪

Went to Barbados once.

It was a bunch of expats... started a Blues bar.

Tiny little shack but incredible guitar players.

Waves... rum... sand... quiet.

You?

Right now, that sounds...

pretty great, actually.

♪♪

[THUD]

What the...

What's...

- Oh, my God. Son of a bitch!
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, no.

Here.

Got to get down here.

[WATER RUNNING]

[DOOR OPENS]

I came as soon as I heard...

Type B dissection?

I'm gonna do an endovascular stent of the descending aorta.

Webber's on his way up to join.

Thank you. I know you've been swamped down in the pit.

I can take it from here.

- No.
- No?

She's so pale, I can see every capillary under her skin.

That dissection could cause her aorta to rupture.

You know as well I do that Amelia may never see that little girl open her eyes again.

- Teddy...
- And if that happens, let me be the surgeon to tell Amelia that we lost her.

Because she's gonna need her sister.

♪♪

♪♪

[SIGHS] You are so close.

Tell me something.

Okay. What?

Just anything.

Because all I can think about right now is how much my feet and my legs hurt, so if you tell me something, I can think about that instead.

Um, okay.

Uh, when I was seven years old, I broke a world record.

For what?

Most times a minor rode a roller coaster in one day.

Really? How many times did you ride it?

.

I-I didn't really break a world record, but for several years, I believed that I did.

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪ You flood my mind ♪

♪ When I dive in too deep ♪

You're an artist.

And I think it didn't occur to me because you're also a work of art.

[LAUGHS]

Physically.

Like a statue in Rome.

And [LAUGHS] when I look at you, surgery isn't what springs to mind.

But that...

♪ I don't speak my mind out loud ♪

...in there...

♪ It might not seem like I am listening ♪

I want to be that good.

You'll get there.

[WHISPERING] And you're also good at a lot of things.

♪ Mmm ♪

So much better than a comic book.

♪♪

♪ To feel nothing ♪

♪♪

[SIGHS]

Couldn't get him back.

He was my patient.

I left him sitting in a bed with an IV in his arm.

Perfectly healthy kid.

Dr. Shepherd?

♪ Naive ♪

Are you okay?

♪ Say I'm naive ♪

Do you want to take a break, take a walk?

I knew him.

That kid.

He was, uh...

He was a good kid.

He wasn't a bad kid.

♪ I'm hardwired differently ♪

I'm gonna have to call his parents.

I can take care of that.

No.

No, I'm...

Thank you.

[SOBBING]

[MOANS]

[SNIFFLES]

I'm so sorry.

It's... It's okay.

[VOICE BREAKING] I'm so sorry.

[SOBBING]

Great work, Qadri.

You want to cut away all that dead tissue till we find healthy bleeding.

Almost done.

So I get to keep 'em?

You do get to keep them.

Can I talk to you?

Yeah, of course.

[SIGHS]

I can't go camping this weekend.

Babe, see, the thing is you think you can't go camping this weekend, okay?

But once we get out there, you're gonna find it breathtaking.

And you will realize all the things we don't need in life... just how much we don't need, okay?

When you're sitting there by a fire crackling, one bowl, one spoon, you realize we don't need... three pairs of ski boots.

- You know?
- Y... No.

And don't... don't tell me that you don't ski.

I know you don't ski, because it's outdoors, but that's probably because your parents didn't take you outdoors, but when I do, you will see.

Okay? Just let me show you, please? Okay?

Okay. Backing up...

Mm-hmm.

Betty is in the hospital.

She OD'd.

Amelia's gonna need help, so...

So you cannot go camping this weekend.

My bad.

I'm sorry.

You should still go, though.

Aw. That's too bad.

Ah, it's okay.

[CLEARS THROAT] Next time.

Okay, so, we're almost finished here.

I'll get you bandaged up.

It's important that you keep this clean and dry, okay?

That'll be tricky.

Ralph lives in the park.

He brought in a little missing boy today.

Oh.

The park. Okay, I hadn't... realized that.

It's okay.

Makes you realize all the things you don't need.

WOMAN ON P.A.: Dr. Teller to the E.R.

Dr. Teller to the E.R.

Mr. Cole.

The police have taken your wife into custody and...

Good. The police can have her.

Sir, your wife has a problem. She needs treatment.

She needs that more than punishment.

I don't know what I can do for her.

No, you're right. Don't worry about her.

Worry about him.

And no matter what she says, you don't just forgive her.

You don't let her near him until you know she's clean.

Yes, get her treatment, but protect your kid.

You got me?

Protect your kid.

♪♪

TEDDY: Okay, let's sh**t the angio.

No endoleaks, stent-grafts are well-approximated.

Aortic arch is clear.

There's no flow from the celiac.

Let's sh**t from the femoral.

Dye.

♪♪

Higher concentration of dye.

God, I hate that she did this to herself.

That's addiction... the thing that's k*lling you keeps whispering in your ear that you need it to survive.

There's no flow from either end.

Her distal aorta is blocked.

Which means there's no blood flow to the distal extremities.

Damn it! Damn it!

Altman, if there's any extraordinary measures you can use here, please use them now.

Okay. Take everything out.

We're gonna have to open her up and reconstruct her distal aorta completely if we're gonna save her life.

Let me have a pad.

All right, let's prep her abdomen!

Let's go. Come on.

Come on, Betty. Come on.

I can't even stand to look at you.

That's the last thing I said to her before she disappeared.

"I can't even stand to look at you."

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Now...

[GULPS, EXHALES]

♪♪

Tell us that she's gonna be okay.

I mean, you're doctors. Just...

...tell us that she's gonna get through this.

I wish I could.

I wish I could tell you that.

♪ Where are you now ♪

♪ When darkness seems to win? ♪

♪♪

DeLuca, you'll place the wound vac.

Okay.

Final time... hours and minutes.

That beats the hospital's old record by over three hours.

Whoo!

Thank you for the assist, Dr. DeLuca.

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, hey, hey ♪

I am going to go put my feet in medical waste, so I definitely need a ride home.

Amelia needs us.

It's Betty.

She's gonna need us.

♪ Where are you now ♪

[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]

♪ When darkness seems to win? ♪

♪ Where are you now ♪

[DOOR OPENS]

Mr. and Mrs. Dickinson?

She's out of surgery.

She's being moved up to the ICU.

♪ Oh, I ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Where are you now ♪

Oh, thank God.

That means... she made it, right?

Yeah.

I think that's what that means.

♪ Where are you now ♪

♪ When I can't figure it out? ♪

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

♪ Oh, I ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

[GROANS]

Come here.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

[SIGHS] This world is so scary.

No matter how well you raise your kids, no matter how much give them, it's a scary, scary world.

Yeah.

It is.

- But it's beautiful, too.
- Mm.

And if you descend into the fear and miss the beauty, that's when you start to go to a bad place and need to... escape.

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

I'm not gonna start using dr*gs.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I know.

But... just...

be in the beauty with me for a second.

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪ I hear you say ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ "Look up, child" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, hey, look up ♪

And you don't have room for one... just one more?

He's a -year-old m...

His f...

Mm-hmm.

Y... Yeah. I...

No, I understand.

Thank you.

No luck?

It should not be this difficult to find a place to stay for an elderly man.

- No, it shouldn't.
- [SIGHS]

I feel awful.

I mean, I was going on and on about how we can't decide whether we should stay inside or outside,

- and I've got too many...
- Ski boots.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

And I spent all day debriding his feet, and there's no way he can maintain a follow-up protocol on a park bench.

[SIGHS]

I would say just cook his chart and keep him another night, but then where is he gonna go tomorrow night?

Owen took Leo to daycare so that you could focus on Britney.

So, how are we gonna tell her?

About her... boyfriend?

[VOICE BREAKING]
How are we gonna tell her?

We don't tell her.

What?

No.

We don't tell her.

I'm afraid something like that, that would k*ll her.

That kind of... news could... it could k*ll her.

My fiancé d*ed.

Um... years ago.

He d*ed in bed beside me.

He OD'd.

I thought it would k*ll me, too.

But instead, it saved my life.

Because I decided to live.

I decided to live because he d*ed.

You can't protect her from this.

You can't protect her from the pain that she is going to feel.

But you can hope...that this is her bottom.

I...

[EXHALES SHAKILY]
God, I hope this is her bottom.

I hope this gets her clean.

I hope that she decides to live.

♪♪

Please decide to live.

Honey, please decide to live.

♪♪

♪ How I marveled at your pace ♪

Are you sure?

Yeah. Yeah, whatever you want.

It's not much, but it's enough to keep you warm and dry till you get off the waitlist for a real place.

Dry socks here, long underwear, lightweight tent, a sleeping bag, a couple raincoats, and a pair of shoes for you once the swelling goes down a bit.

You had all this... just in the trunk of your car?

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

You were left in a park, right?

When you were three.

By your junkie dad.

Bar parking lot.

And I was six.

I wish I'd been three.

Then I wouldn't have remembered that he left me there.

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

Jo, it's too late for coffee.

It's hot chocolate.

I am not a kid anymore.

Oh.

I am the chief.

♪♪

Mmm. Yeah, that's good.

[LAUGHS] It's really good.

I love you.

I love you.

MEREDITH: They call it a high for a reason.

♪♪

Because the flip side is really low.

♪ And I thank you for letting me watch you fall ♪

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

♪ I thank you for letting me watch you fall ♪

[MONITOR BEEPING]

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

♪♪

♪ And I will bide my time... ♪

Mom?

I'm here.

I'm here.

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

The chemical version isn't worth what comes after.

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

♪♪

But the dopamine rush from a job well done?

That's free.

♪♪

♪ And I guess I'll let it fly ♪

♪ That you never really said goodbye ♪

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

♪♪

♪ And I guess I'll let it fly ♪

♪ That you never really said goodbye ♪

♪ And I will bide my time for you ♪

♪♪

And it's one of the very best parts of being alive.

♪♪

♪♪