Angel's back office. Angel is sitting at his desk with his feet up reading a book while Doyle is pacing impatiently.
Doyle: "So that's it then? That's your exciting plan for this evening? A book?"
Angel: "I get enough excitement."
Doyle: "Yeah - of the evil-fighting variety. How about a little off-duty fun?"
Angel: "Such as?"
Doyle pushes Angel's feet of the desk and sits down on the edge: "Two beautiful words: Sports Bar! (Angel gives him a look, turns his chair so he can put his feet back up on the other corner of the desk and goes back to reading his book) Come on! You know they have Trivia games on the Internet now? You can challenge against drunks around the world. Anything, please! I just can't sit around here while.."
Cordelia comes into the office wearing a stunning black strapless sheath: "While I steal into the night with my incredibly-more-wealthy-then-you prince? Makes your little life seem a tad drab, doesn't it?"
Doyle and Angel get up.
Doyle: "Yeah, just because he has money, doesn't mean that he can make you happy."
Cordelia: "I'll have you know that Pierce has a lot more than money. He has a house in Montecito, he has a Mercedes CLK 320 and a place in the hills with a lap pool."
Doyle: "Since you put it that way."
Knocking on door.
Cordy turns to go answer it: "Well if I'm not here in the morning, you can just clear out my desk. I'll be moving on up."
Cut to Pierce walking into the outer office, sees Cordy coming out of Angel's back office.
Pierce: "Wow. You look amazing."
Cordy with a brilliant smile: "Do I? (glances back towards Angel's office) Let's go."
Angel: "What's your hurry? You didn't even introduce us."
Cordy points to each in turn: "Angel, Doyle, Pierce. (takes Pierce's arm) Bye!"
Angel as they are trying to leave: "You work, Pierce?"
Pierce: "I trade - futures and options market."
Angel: "Good. Good. - Out to dinner?"
Pierce: "Le Petite Renard."
Doyle: "Ah, right. Nice spot. Duck is dry."
Angel to Cordy: "So, how late will you be?"
Cordy: "Don't wait up. (To Pierce as she leads him out the door) Don't mind him.."
Angel closes the door behind them.
Doyle: "She's not going to fall for my ample but unpretentious charms, is she?"
Angel: "Unless unpretentious means you don't like to brag about your family's old money."
Doyle flipping through one of Angel's books: "Hey, the only money in my family is underneath the couch cushions. Not to mention the fact that half of them are demons. I'm sure if Cordy found out about *that* my chances would be *worse* then zero. (a picture of Buffy falls out of the book and Doyle picks it up) Wow. (whistles) She is something. This an old squeeze of yours?"
Angel with a deep breath: "Yeah."
Doyle: "Well, how does she feel about a man with an Irish accent? (sees Angel's face) Buffy."
Angel folds his arms and swallows: "Yeah."
Doyle: "I'm - I'm sorry.."
Doyle puts his hand up to his head as he falls back onto the sofa in pain.
Cut to blurry pictures of a guy hanging in some chains by his wrists.
Doyle: "There is a young guy."
Doyle: "Vampires have a nest downtown. Poor kid's gonna be the entree."
Angel: "Let's go. (pulls him off the sofa) Come on."
Doyle: "Everybody's got dinner plans but us."
Cut to the restaurant.
Pierce: "See you have to study weather trends in order to make a good play in the agricultural market (Cordy is looking at him with a glazed look in her eyes) Once you do, you'll never look at soybeans the same way. God, listen to me! I'm not boring you, am I?"
Cordy: "I don't mind."
Pierce leans forward: "Like today, there *was* some heavy trading - lean hog options. The spread dropped about 1700 points. I mean in November they were trading at 6 cents. So, you know what I did? I sold at 6 and 1/8 of a cent! 6 and 1/8. Can you imagine anything more exciting then that?"
Cut to Angel and Doyle fighting in the vampire nest downtown. Doyle gets thrown against a wall and his face goes demon spiky.
Doyle shakes it off, morphs back to human: "Man, I hate that."
A vampire is about to brain him with a beer keg when a piece of wood juts out of his chest and he dusts to reveal Angel standing behind it.
Doyle: "I was about to do that."
Angel: "I'd better get this guy home."
Cut to Doyle and Angel walking out into the corridor. Angel has the guy’s arm draped over his shoulder and is half carrying the guy.
Angel: "Doyle, you're stronger when your demon, right? So why did you shake it off?"
Doyle: "I just don't like to fight like that."
Angel: "This isn't a spelling bee. Nobody expects you to fight fair."
Doyle: "It's just not my style, that's all. You want me to go with?"
Angel: "I can handle it. Just head back."
As they leave the hallway a burly vampire with a topknot steps around a corner behind them.
Cut to the street in front of Angel Investigations. Doyle walks up the steps and through the door while the topknot vamp is watching him. Pierce's convertible Mercedes pulls up in front of the steps.
Pierce: "I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I was hoping we could make a night of it."
Cordy: "Me, too. I really wanted to hear the end of the story about the pigs and beans."
Pierce: "Don't you want me to take you home?"
Cordy gets out: "My car is here."
Pierce gets out too: "Oh, wait, let me walk you. (takes Cordy's arm and turns her towards him) I'm - I'm not really sure about this neighborhood."
Topknot in vamp face: "You're right, - it's crappy!"
Cordy and Pierce scream. Topknot wraps his arm around Cordy's neck from behind. Pierce jumps into his car and burns rubber out of there.
Cordy biting topknot's arm: "Help!"
Topknot screams and lets Cordy go for a moment then grabs her by the hair.
Doyle aiming a crossbow at topknot: "Hey! I'm the one you followed here. It's me you want."
Topknot: "Stay close. You'll get your turn."
Doyle has trouble finding a finding a place to aim without hitting Cordy. Finally he shoots TopKnot in the left foot. Topknot screams and throws Cordy down on the street behind him, then pulls the bolt out of his shoe and lunges at Doyle with it. During their fight they roll down the steps and the bolt falls free. After more scuffling Doyle manages to grab it and stake topknot with it.
Doyle looks at Cordy as they slowly get up: "Are you okay?"
Cordy with a frown: "I'm fine. That was.. You're so - brave."
Doyle: "You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're stepping on my moment of manliness here."
Cordy still frowning: "I'm sorry. I'm just.."
Cut to Angel Investigations the next day. Angel is sitting at his desk looking at some papers.
Cordy: "So, here I am at Le Petite Renard with Mr. Armani, who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life.."
Angel: "Blue boxes?"
Cordy: "Tiffany's! God! And the whole night I was bored silly. All I could think about was: if this wimp ever saw a monster he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out the shoe part was giving him to much credit."
Angel: "There aren't very many people that wouldn't run. It's just human nature."
Cordy: "Yeah, - but all of a sudden rich and handsome isn't enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting. And it's your fault! Both of you."
Angel: "Well, maybe not. Maybe you’re changing. That could be a good thing."
Cordy: "Disastrous. - And as if I wasn't confused enough, then Doyle comes along and rescues me like some - badly dressed superhero. (Sighs) He was really beat up - but you know the first thing he asked? Are you okay? I mean, that's like - substance, right?"
Angel: "Yeah, well, there is definitely more to Doyle then meets the eye."
Cordy: "So, I've got to kill myself. I swore when I went that road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead then date a fixer-upper again. (sighs) Still, maybe you're right. Maybe Doyle does have - hidden depths. I mean, really, really hidden, - but depths. And I'm gonna have to buy him a moccachino to thank him for saving my life, don't you think?"
Angel: "Well, I.."
Cordy gets up to leave: "Me, too. We'll be back in a half. You watch the phones, okay?"
Cut to Doyle reenacting last nights fight with a ruler: "I'm the one you followed. It's me that you want, huh? (stakes his imaginary opponent while Cordy walks in behind him) Fangs for the memories, vamp man!" (Stops and notices Cordy, who waves at him) Hey I was just.. That wasn't.."
Cordy: "An incredible spaz attack? Good."
Doyle puts the ruler down: "So you were... What can I do for you?"
Cordy: "Well, ahm, - I was thinking - that, ah - maybe I haven't been - entirely fair to you. Maybe you don't actually have *zero* potential."
Doyle with his arms folded: "Wow, Cordelia. Thanks."
Cordy: "That's not.. (sighs) What I'm trying to say is that I really appreciate what you did last night. And, uhm, - I was thinking - maybe we could.. (blond Mariah Carrey type woman steps into the office and Doyle turns to look at her) If you're looking for Angel Investigations, this is it. But we are kind of in the middle of something. Could you just give us five minutes?"
Blond woman to Doyle: "Hey, Francis."
Doyle shifts and swallows: "Harry."
Doyle to Harry: "Uhm, - where've you been?"
Harry: "Around. Uhm -Kiribati - Togo - Uzbekistan - a few spots that were a - little less touristy."
Cordy: "Who's Francis?"
Doyle: "That would be me. - Allen Francis Doyle. - Cordelia, this is Harry - my wife."
Cordy's smile vanishes as she stares at Doyle.
Harry comes in and closes the door: "I'm sorry about the surprise. I would've called first but I was afraid.."
Doyle: "I'd run off? That's not my style, remember?"
Harry: "But it's mine? Is that what you're saying? Do you want me to remind you who fired the starter pistol? - No, let's not, okay? Let's just hug and be happy to see each other."
They hug and Cordy looks away shaking her head. They separate and Doyle crosses his arms in front of him.
Harry: "You look good."
Doyle: "Yeah, you, too."
Harry: "You're still living it up? You know that drinking's no good for you."
Doyle: ""Yeah, you know me. I'm a fun-loving guy."
Angel walks in: "What's going on?"
Cordy: "Angel, come meet Doyle's wife."
Cordy stares at him as Angel reaches out and shakes Harry's hand without any hesitation: "Nice to meet you."
Harry: "Hi. Cool offices."
Doyle: "Yeah, I'm a private investigator now. This is my company. (Gestures towards Angel and Cordy) These two, uhm, are my helpers."
Cordy: "Ugh, that is.. (Angel hits her in the back with his elbow) ouch!"
Angel clears his throat and Cordy sighs.
Cordy: "You two were really married?"
Harry: "Were and still - according to the paperwork."
Cordy: "So, it was a green card thing."
Harry looks at Doyle: "Nope, it was a 'madly in love couldn't live without each other' kind of thing. But I guess times change, because here we are, four years later and living just fine."
Doyle: "So, shall we go on to why you're here exactly?"
Harry: "Maybe we could talk alone?"
Door opens a guy sticks his head into the office.
Harry: "Oh, I thought you were going to stay in the car?"
Richard: "I know, but - (Comes in closing the door behind him) I admit it, curiosity got the better of me. (Goes and shakes Angel's hand) Hey, Richard Straley. I've heard so much about you. (To Harry) Say, you left out the part about him being such a handsome fellow."
Angel: "I'm not.."
Richard: "Oh, no, you are! Really."
Angel: "I'm not Doyle. He is."
Richard: "Oh, - that's more like it. (To Doyle) Not that you're not a very good-looking man."
Harry: "Richard, just shake his hand."
Richard: "Ah, forgive me, I'm not quite myself. What with the wedding only a few days off now."
Doyle to Harry: "There's a wedding?"
Richard: "I wasn't supposed to say that yet, was I?"
Cordy sits down with a smile: "No, please, go on."
Angel pulls her up off the couch and towards his office: "Cordelia, lets - lets go through those reports, hmm?"
Cordy: "What? What reports? What?"
Angel leads Cordy out.
Richard to Harry: "I just.."
Harry: "Hon bun? I think I should handle it from here."
Richard: "I'm sorry. I just- I just want us all to be friends."
Harry: "And we will be. But I need a moment alone with Francis."
Richard leaves: "Sure, here, you got it."
Doyle: "Hon bun?"
Harry: "I didn't want you to hear it that way."
Doyle: "You're - You're marrying that guy?"
Harry: "I know it's wild, huh? I'm definitely the Ying to his Yang, but it works! He's got a good heart, Francis, just like you."
Doyle: "Yeah, maybe, but the container, eh? - can I get a side of *bland* with that bland?"
Harry: "I didn't come here for your approval."
Doyle: "Then why? To see my face when I found out? To see if it would cut?"
Harry: "Of course not. I would never.. - I just (Takes a folder out of her purse) I need you to sign these."
Doyle looks at the paper inside: "Divorce papers."
Harry: "It had to happen. I mean one of us.."
Doyle: "Yeah, well, maybe I should get my people to look over these, before I go ahead. Make sure I'm not buying an ostrich farm."
Harry: "Sure. - Tell 'your people' that I'll come back for them in a few days."
Harry lays her hand on top of his put he pulls away.
Harry turns as she reaches the door: "It's good to see you again, Francis."
Doyle: "It's Doyle, now. It's just Doyle."
Harry nods and leaves.
Cut to Angel's apartment. Angel is setting two glasses on the table and pours a shot into the first one. As he tries to pour some for Doyle he puts his hand over the glass.
Doyle picks up the glass and looks at it: "Harry is right. This stuff's does me no good."
Angel sits down: "So, - you two hadn't been in touch at all since you split up?"
Doyle: "Oh, the end was rough. - We weren't even twenty when we got married. - Crazy about each other. - And when things go wrong and you're young like that, you don't just say 'Hey, thanks for the blender, I wish you well'. You fight. - You tear each other apart until one of you can't take it. - She did the walking. But she had reason. I wasn't exactly the man she married. - I changed."
Angel: "You shouldn't blame yourself. I mean, you were kids. It's only natural.."
Doyle: "What, the sneeze and sprout demon face? That's decidedly *un*natural, my friend."
Angel: "What, you didn't tell her before you got married?"
Doyle: "I didn't know. I never met my dad. He was the demon. And my mom, well, she figured she'd wait to see if I'd got his genes before she got all confessional."
Angel: "So your demon self didn't present.."
Doyle: "Until I was 21 - and Harry and I - we were talking about having kids of our own. - Huh, put a damper on the discussion, you can imagine."
Angel: "That's tough. - I'm sorry."
Doyle: "It's probably best in the long run. (Sighs) I'm too much of a wild man to be the stay-at-home type anyway, - you know? Hey, this Richard, you know, he looks like he'd give her a good life."
Doyle: "Seems like a nice - friendly fellow, don't you think?"
Angel: "Definitely friendly, - only - he seemed a bit.."
Doyle jumps up: "Exactly! I knew he was no good! And even though we're ex, I mean, it's still my duty to watch over her, right? But I can't go trailing after her intended myself. I mean, it just wouldn't look right. (Leans down on the table) Angel, you think you would.."
Angel: "Yeah. Just don't tell Cordelia. - She'll wanna charge you."
Doyle hits him on the back of his shoulder and takes Angel's drink and downs it.
Cut to Richard walking along a dark street. The camera pans up to show a dark figure following on the rooftops, jumping from roof to roof. Richard crosses the street and leans into the window of a black car stopped at the corner. When he leans back he has a small square package under his arm. Looks around to make sure no one saw him and walks off as the car drives away.
Angel watches as he goes down some steps and unlocks the door into a restaurant called Straley's Steakhouse.
Cut to Richard putting the package into the back of the fridge in the restaurant kitchen.
Cut to Harry walking through a door into the kitchen carrying a box with Richard following behind.
Harry: "I can't wait for you to see what I bought."
Richard: "What is it? For the honeymoon?"
Harry: "Hmm, how small do you think a nighty would have to be to fit into one of these tiny boxes?"
They both laugh.
Richard: "Uh-huh. - Don't move. I'll be right back."
Goes into the wine pantry and pours himself some wine. After he takes a sip of it, he morphs into a red-faced demon. Walks back towards the kitchen picking up a knife on the way.
Harry trying to undo the straps binding the boxes shut: "What are you doing?"
Richard: "Right there, pumpkin."
As he walks up behind Harry with the knife in his hand Angel jumps in through a window and tackles him. Angel hits him in the face and stomach. Richard holds up his hands, but doesn't fight back.
Harry grabs Angel's arm: "Angel, stop!"
Angel: "He's a demon."
Harry: "Well, yeah! (Helps Richard up) Honey."
Angel: "You - you know? - But he was coming at you. He had a knife!"
Richard: "That was for the box strings."
Angel: "Well, what about the package, huh, from the man with the cigar."
Harry: "You followed him?"
Richard: "That was for the restaurant. We serve a lot of delicacies - frog legs, quail tongues, and such - which isn't - illegal, per se.."
Harry: "You don't have to explain, Richard. Doyle put you put to this, right? - Man! Years go by, nothing changes. Doyle decides what I need.."
Richard: "Now, now - it's understandable, honey. He can't help but want to make sure you'll be in good hands. (To Angel) I can assure you.."
Harry to Angel: "Tell Doyle that I'm in the best hands. Richard and his family own this restaurant. They're Ano-movic demons. Peaceful clan. Totally assimilated into our culture."
Richard massages Harry's shoulders: "Harry is an ethno-demonologist, and a damn fine one, too. We met while she was scouting clans in South America."
Angel to Harry: "You study demons? That's your profession?"
Harry: "Do you have a problem with that?"
Angel: "No! It's just.. - Doyle said.."
Harry: "That when he first went through his change I freaked. Which is true. But after I adjusted, I realized here is this whole, rich, interesting world just waiting to be explored."
Angel: "But you didn't tell him that."
Harry: "Of course I did! I even tried to get him to go out - meet other demons. At least go to one mixer, you know? But he couldn't accept himself, - or them. So then he was just angry, and pretty much a bitch to live with."
Cut to Angel's apartment.
Doyle: "He's a demon? And she's all signed on to be Mrs. Demon? Tell me again how ugly he is!"
Angel points to a picture in a book: "Here it is - Ano-movic. Once a nomadic tribe. At one time they did have violent leanings.."
Doyle: "There! I knew this nice guy routine was just an act. He's working a spell on her. She gonna sprout hubcaps from her head or something."
Angel still reading: "But they gave up those orthodox teachings, - language, - around the turn of the century. (closes the book and puts it down) Now they own a number of restaurants with pretty expensive windows."
Doyle snaps his fingers: "I fully intend to chip in on that. - You know all that time Harry would go on about what an amazing thing my demon half could be, the worlds that it opened up to us, I thought she was just trying to make me feel better. I thought that she was pitying me. - But it was true. (sighs) I just wasn't listening. - You know, Harry didn't leave because of the demon in me, - she left because of me."
Doyle gets up and signs the divorce papers with a sigh. Blend over into Doyle handing the papers to Harry.
Harry: "Thank you Doyle."
Richard shakes Doyle's hand: "Yes, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me.. - or I guess you do - seeing as you were married once - and to Harry no less."
Harry: "Do you have a copier? I could.."
Doyle: "Yeah, there is one in Angel's office. Cordelia will help you."
Richard: "Harry is an amazing girl, isn't she? - Say Doyle, uhm - I'm glad we have some man to man talk."
Cut to Harry: "This is perfect. Richard wanted a moment alone with Doyle to ask him to his bachelor party."
Cordy: "Bachelor party? Why, is he afraid he ordered too much beer?"
Harry: "Richard and his family wanted Doyle's blessing before he marries me. They're sweet demons. Very into good vibes all around."
Cordy: "They do sound nice."
Harry: "You know, his mom told me to invite friends to my shower, but - I've been pretty much hanging only with her. You're the first girl I've met in town under 370 years old. Do you think you'd want.."
Cordy: "Love to."
Cut to Richard: "It would mean a lot to me. But more than that, I think it would mean the world to Harry if you came to my party."
Cut to a nice house in a residential neighborhood.
Richard's family is sitting together at the dinner table.
Richard: "Ugh, do we really have to have the Buffalo wings? I can get the guys in the kitchen, have them whip up a Foie Gras."
Dad: "It's a bachelor party, Rich. You're supposed to eat bad and drink beer."
Mom carries a bucket of KFC chicken to the table: "Don't forget the girl that's supposed to do the striptease. (Everyone stares at her) What? Like I don't know? (Laughter) Just make sure all she does is tease."
Richard: "Mom, I don't even want.."
Brother: "Sorry, Rich, it's your bachelor party and we're going to have fun, if you like it or not."
Richard: "Well, I just hope this sort of high jinx doesn't create a bad impression with Doyle."
Aunt: "Who's Doyle?"
Cousin: "Harry's first husband. Richard invited him."
Richard: "He's really very sweet. I think you're all going to enjoy him. - All right, fine, fine. Dancing girl. I submit. - Now, where were we?"
Dad reads from list: "Ah, lets see.. First we greet the man of the hour. - Then we drink. (Yays around the table) We bring out the food. Then we drink. (Yays) Then comes the Stripper. (Yays) Darts, - then we have the ritual eating of the first husbands brains, and then charades."
Brother looks up from his plate: "Wait! What was that? - Charades?"
Cousin: "Yeah, I don't know about that."
Richard: "Really? I think it'll be fun."
Everyone: "Oh, all right."
Cut to night. Doyle and Angel are walking into the restaurant for the bachelor party. All of Richard's male family is there.
Richard goes to hug Doyle: "Hi, Francis!"
Richard: "Oh, sorry, sorry. (turns to the room one arm around Doyle's shoulder) Everybody, this is Doyle."
Brother sitting at a table with Cousin: "And he brought someone."
Richard: "Angel. Hey! This is a surprise."
Angel: "Yeah, I thought I'd use the door this time."
Doyle: "I asked him to come. I hope that's okay?"
Richard: "Ah, sure it is. Now the party can really start, huh? (To the whole room) Everybody, this party is for Doyle as much as it is for me, more even. He's the real bachelor here."
Doyle: "Yeah, and thanks for not rubbing that in, by the way."
Richard: "Let’s set you up with a beverage?"
Richard and Doyle walk over to the bar. Angel follows them slowly passing by the table where the brother and the cousin are sitting.
Brother: "Indata mahouda menaka tant."
Cousin: "Hlorwoip canano."
Angel looks at them and they give him a silly grin. Angel moves on with a slight nod.
Richard is toasting with Doyle at the bar: "To Harry."
Richard: "What was she like, Doyle?"
Richard: "Back in the old days. The years you had her, the ones I missed. Tell me everything."
Blend to Harry's shower.
Harry: "It was a nightmare. Okay, maybe not at first. Initially, I really liked the way he took charge."
Cordy: "Doyle?! Took charge."
Harry: "It was sweet. But after a while, I mean, I know how to cut my own meat, thanks. Sometimes it felt like I was one of his students."
Cordy: "That's funny, for a moment I thought you said one of Doyle's students?"
Harry: "It wasn't fun being treated like a third grader, believe me."
Cordy: "Grade third taught Doy.. (Waves her hand and tries again) Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children?"
Cordy: "Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as his cover story?"
Harry: "Francis got his teaching credentials before we even met at the food bank.."
Cordy: "Okay, soup kitchen. Now that sounds like the Doyle I've come to know and revile. - And you're just about to tell me he ran it, aren't you?"
Harry: "He was just a volunteer. - That's where he got the idea for the 'You Are The World' thing. (Cordy looks at her in shock) I'm kidding about that part."
Aunt Martha: "Come on girls, it's pornographic pictionary time!"
Harry to Cordy: "Their ways are *not* - our ways."
Cut to the party. Angel is strolling around by himself while people are wondering about the stripper.
"Where the hell is she?" - "She should be here any second, man!" - "Where is she?" - "Drink up man." - "Here's to Doyle!" (Boos and cheers) - "Doyle!"
Angel is watching the brother and cousin at their table.
Cut to later. Richard and Doyle drinking together at the bar.
Richard: "I have a little confession to make. Ever since I learned that Harry was married before, I've felt like I've been living in your shadow."
Richard: "You were something - I can never be for her - her first. She'll always love you, Francis. Always. - But she needs different things now. I know I can make her happy, - but I need you to be a part of it."
Richard lays an hand on Doyle's shoulder: "I have to have your blessing, Doyle. Without it there won't be any marriage."
Guy comes up and leads Richard away: "It's time, dude!"
Richard: "Oh, fellas. (they set him on a chair in the middle of the room and the stripper comes up to him) Oh, god."
Angel comes to stand next to Doyle as they watch the stripper teasing Richard.
Angel to Doyle: "Are you okay?"
Angel sees the brother and the cousin leave the room and follows. He walks through a deserted kitchen and up some stairs into what looks like some type of attic. The Dad is standing in front of a candle burning beside a little pot, holding a curved knife in one hand.
Dad: "Ino platbrata iko iko retvan el shak (Pulls the knife across the palm of his other hand. Some blood drips into the pot and fire flares up) Ino platbrata iko iko retvan el shak"
Cut to Cordy's cell-phone ringing at the bridal party.
Angel on a phone in another part of the attic: "It's Angel. Where are you?"
Cordy: "In the netherworld known as the 818 area code. Why?"
Angel: "Let me speak to Harry."
Cordy: "Hang on. (Gets up and hands the phone to Harry) It's for you. It's Angel."
Harry on the phone: "Hello?"
Angel: "How is your Aratuscan?"
Harry: "Rusty, considering it's a dead demonic language."
Angel: "Guess again. I need a translation: 'Ino platbrata iko iko retvan el shak'."
Harry: "What's going on, Angel?"
Angel: "I don't know yet. Will you just look into it for me?"
Harry: "I guess, uhm, I could check the family library."
Hangs up the phone and turns around only to bump into the cousin.
Cousin: "Hey, what's your problem?"
Angel: "No problem."
Cousin pushes Angel in the chest: "Are you disrespecting me?"
Cousin: "So, now I'm a liar?"
Cousin hits Angel twice in the face before Angel comes back and retaliates in kind. Two more of them rush up and a brawl ensues.
Cut to the stripper and Richard.
Cut back to the fight. Now it’s four against one. They throw Angel headfirst into the wall.
Cut back to the stripper.
Cut back to the fight. The four of them grab Angel and throw him headfirst through some wooden ventilation slats. He rolls down the roof, bounces of the lid of a metal trash container and comes to rest unconscious on ground in front of it.
Cousin: "Sad when a man can't hold his liquor."
Cut to the stripper leaving and Richard getting up from his chair and walking back to Doyle by the bar.
Richard: "I hope Harry doesn't hear about that."
Doyle: "Not from me she won't."
Richard pats him on the shoulder: "I know. You're a good half-man. - So, have you given any thought to what we discussed?"
Doyle: "Yup, and I got to tell you, I've had a lot to regret in my life, but nothing more than the way things went with me and Harry. I should have made her happy, and I didn't. And now we both have a second chance. Her to be happy, and me - not to stand in the way. - I guess what I'm trying to say to you is - that I give you my blessing, Richard. (Sighs and pats Richard on the arm) God bless you. (When Richard reaches to hug him he wards him off) As long as we skip the hug thing."
Richard to the room: "Hey, everyone, great news. Doyle gives his blessing. He consents."
Cheering all around.
Richard: "A toast to Doyle."
More cheering. Dad and the other guys that beat up Angel come into the room. All the guys surround Doyle and push him back.
Doyle: "No hugs, now. We had an understanding."
Guy: "Doyle, we have something for you."
The push Doyle into a red box with a hole in the top and lock him in so that just his head sticks out.
Doyle: "You know, this is great, but I can't reach the pretzels."
Richard: "Doyle, I just want to say how incredibly moved I am by your sacrifice. I hope that doesn't make me less of a man in your eyes."
Doyle: "Sacrifice? - Huh?"
All the guys are morphing into their red demon faces.
Doyle: "Okay, this *can't* be good. (A guy comes up and injects something in the side of Doyle's head) Ouch! - Hey, - my head's going numb."
Richard as someone put a lobster bib on him: "Well, I should hope so! We wouldn't want you to suffer when we cut into your skull."
Doyle watches them hand the curved knife to Richard.
Cut to Cordy and Harry looking at some books.
Harry: "That can't be right."
Harry: "Something about ingesting past love."
Cordy: "Wouldn't Doyle be your past love?"
The look at each other then Harry gets up to talk to the rest of the party.
Harry: "Excuse me ladies."
Mom: "What is it, honey?"
Harry: "It's about the bachelor party. Richard said having the former husband present was some sort of tradition. I was just wondering.."
Aunt Martha jokingly: "Well, they're certainly not going to eat your ex-husband's brains! (Harry and Cordy grab their things and hurry out) For instance."
Cut to Angel laying motionless on the street.
Doyle: "Oh, god, where is Angel? ANGEL!"
Cut to Doyle in the box. A guy is marking a dotted line on his forehead.
Richard in his lobster bib: "Apparently he started a fight. He had to be ejected. Can I get you anything?"
Doyle: "How are you going to explain this to Harry, huh?"
Richard: "Oh, Harry will understand. She loves and accepts our culture, just like loved and accepted yours."
Dad picks up the little fork laying next to Doyle's head on the box: "Nick, what's this?"
Nick: "You said, get a utensil."
Dad: "This is a shrimp fork. He's going to eat the guy's brains with a shrimp fork?"
Nick: "Well pardon me if our ancient ancestors didn't leave behind any former-husband-brain-eating forks."
Dad: "Get a soup spoon, you moron."
Richard to Doyle: "Bear with us. We're a little fuzzy on the etiquette. This ritual hasn't been performed in centuries. It's been so long since the last time one of the clan married a divorcee."
Dad: "The accursed books tell us all very plainly that ingesting a priorly married prospective bride's former primary mate's fresh brains will insure a happy second marriage. This way, Richie can incorporate all the love you and Harry shared, making their union whole. It's an Ano-movic thing, don't ask."
Doyle: "Look, Richard as much as I like your family, and they're great, - honest, - I'd really prefer if they *didn't* cannibalize me."
Richard: "Oh, no! You misunderstand."
Doyle: "I do?"
Richard: "Yeah. It'll just be me."
Doyle: "Why don't I just give you that hug and we can call it even?"
Richard: "You're not trying to back out, are you? Not after you gave your blessing."
Doyle: "Yeah, yeah. I take it back!"
Richard: "Oh. - Well. - I see. - Now I'm not so sure I even *want* to eat your brains!"
Dad: "Don't be petulant, Richard. You'll eat his brains. He can't take back a blessing. Now, apologize to your friend."
Richard: "He's right. That was rude. I'd be honored to eat your brains."
Cut to Angel getting up. The bloody cut on his forehead disappears as he morphs into his vamp face.
Cut to the party.
Dad: "Well, I guess we're ready. (Hands Richard the knife) Richard, would you care to make the first cut?"
As everyone watches Richard and Doyle in anticipation Angel busts the double doors off their hinges taking half the frame with it.
Angel in vamp face: "The party is over."
Nick: "You brought a *vampire* to my brother's bachelor party?"
Angel is laying into the Ano-movics left and right. Seems he is stronger as demon as well, and *really* ticked off. Doyle's box on rollers keeps getting pushed back and forth through the scuffle. The lock snaps open.
Doyle in spiky demon face: "Harry says I should mix with other demons, I'll mix!"
Doyle joins the fray, and though he's not doing as well as Angel he manages to inflict some damage as well.
Harry runs into the restaurant, followed by Cordy.
Harry: "Stop it! Stop it right this instant!"
Everyone stops. Angel looks up, back in human face. Doyle is painfully getting up in a booth.
Richard looking up over the back of the booth he is laying in: "Hon bun? This is for guys only."
Harry: "I know what you're up to Richard Howard Straley."
Richard: "The stripper wasn't my idea, pook. I swear."
Harry: "Not the stripper, Richard. There was a stripper?!"
Richard: "You really shouldn't be here."
Cordy: "Well, *you* shouldn't be trying to eat my friend's brains! You horrible, ugly demon people!"
Doyle sits up on the bench next to Cordy. Cordy sees his demon face, picks up a silver tray and proceeds to bash him over the head, repeatedly.
Angel runs up to stop her: "Easy, Cordelia. It's OK!"
Cordy to Angel: "It is so not okay! (Doyle gets up behind her back in human face. Cordy spins around and sees the marks on his head) Doyle! Oh, look what they did to you!"
Harry goes to stand in front to Richard, hands on hips: "I'm only going to ask you this once, Richard, and I expect a straight answer: were you or were you not intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?"
Richard sheepishly: "In a way."
Harry: "And when were you planning on telling me?"
Richard: "I thought maybe I wouldn't have to."
Harry: "You were going to start out our life together with deceit?"
Doyle to Angel: "Sort of missing the point, isn't she?"
Richard to Harry: "I was just trying to bless our marriage - like in the ancient teachings."
Harry: "And since when does your family follow the ancient teachings?"
Uncle: "We don't flaunt our beliefs, but they're very dear to us."
Harry to Uncle: "Oh, *please* Uncle John! When is the last time you pried your self away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat?"
Cousin: "Are you going to let her talk to Uncle John like that?"
Harry to Richard: "You know how I feel about these barbaric Ano-movician customs!"
Cousin: "Racist! You're nothing but a racist!"
Richard to Harry: "I should have told you. I'm sorry. But unless we complete the ritual my family will never consent to the marriage."
There are murmurs of consent. Harry looks at Richard. Turns to look at Doyle and Angel, the turns back and takes Richard's hand in hers.
Richard: "Hon bun?"
Harry turns away and Richard looks at the engagement ring she just gave back to him. As she walks by Doyle and Angel, Doyle opens his mouth to say something.
Harry: "*One* word, Francis, just one word and *I'll* eat your brains!"
Angel and Doyle turn to follow her out.
His brother and cousin step up to comfort Richard.
Brother: "You don't need her anyway!"
Cousin: "Yeah, who wants a wife whose knees only bend the one way?"
Cut to Angel Investigations. Doyle is getting up from the computer and going to lay down on the sofa. Angel and Cordy are watching him through the louvered windows from his office.
Cordy: "So, he spoke to her."
Cordy: "Didn't go to well, huh?"
Angel: "I think she just needs some time."
Cordy: "He's still really hung up on her, isn't he?"
Angel: "Hmm, - more then he knew, probably, yeah."
Cordy: "Well, someone *has* to go out there and cheer him up."
Angel looks over at Cordy then after a moment gets up.
Cordy holds up a hand to stop him: "Oh, please. Someone with a heartbeat."
Angel follows her to stand in the door to his office as Cordy walks over to Doyle.
Cordy with a brilliant smile: "Hi, Doyle. Are you going to become loser-pining guy, like, full-time now? Because you know, we already have one of those around the office."
Cordy: "He can get away with it. He's tall and - and look at the way clothes hang on him. But you.."
Angel: "Okay, I think you've cheered us up enough."
Cordy: "You can't live in the past. You got to move on. Let it go. Forget it. Tomorrow is another day. (Doyle sits up on the couch) Did I mention letting it go?"
Cordy sits down next to him with a sigh: "You'll get through this, Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last."
Doyle: "You think I'm a nice guy?"
Cordy: "I think it, I say it. That's my way."
Cordy: "Feeling better?"
Suddenly Doyle doubles over with pain. Cordy jumps up from the sofa.
Cordy pointing at Doyle: "Not my fault."
Angel: "He's having a vision."
Cordy: "At this hour?"
Cut to blurry pictures of Buffy fighting two guys.
Doyle looks up at Angel: "Oh."
Angel: "What? - What did you see?"
Doyle looks at him and swallows.