01x08 - Series 1, Episode 8

(ALARM BEEPS)

(BANGING)

Man: Come on! Shift yourselves! You've got ten minutes.

Move, move, move!

(WOMEN SPEAK IN YORUBA)

Faster, faster, faster, come on!

(BURPS)

(LAUGHTER)

(BURPS LOUDLY)

Right. Wait here.

No running off.

Morning, Jonjo.

Change of plan.

Don't often see you out and about.

McKinnen Lloyd in Harbour House, fire damage.

White-sheet job, sorry.

I'll make a start on this place, do the basics.

Just leave me one of the girls.

Okey-doke. You there!

Stay.

Vanessa.

OK?

She's called Zara, good little worker.

Rest of you, back on board!

Go on, hup, hup, hup!

(THEY SPEAK IN YORUBA)

Up you go, sweetheart.

That's it!

(VAN DOOR SLAMS)

Right, all done. I'll see you later.

Hold on.

I'll tell you what, Jonjo, you'd be better parking in Ashbury House.

Cost you eight quid, here you go...

I want the change. And don't forget to get a receipt.

And if you slap one of those girls on the arse again, I'll rip your f*cking knackers off.

Got that?

Yeah.

Good lad.

You want to watch yourself with her, Zara.

She likes the girls.

Come on, let's get the stuff.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Banana!

They've sold this place.

Belongs to some firm in Birmingham now.

They just want it cleaned out and left empty as a tax loss.

What a waste!

I came to a party here once.

My daughter had the flat round the corner.

The man who lived here, his boyfriend was the man in the papers, the one who got murdered with a golf club.

Murder? Yeah?

Murder!

Have you done red sheets before?

Red sheets? Yeah?

One more.

Red sheets.

Start in the bedroom.

Any clothes, put them in green bags.

Green bag.

Clothes... separate, green bags.

Cos I can get money for those, OK?

Give me those.

Now you can get on with the most important job of all.

Cup of tea!

Tea, yeah?

Ooh. I'm not as young as I was.

(LAUGHS) Still, I've got the weekend off.

Going to London with my friend Pam.

We're seeing Les Mis. Third time for me.

Do you know it?

Les Mis?

It's gone all round the world, I bet your lot have had it.

Les Miserables? The musical.

Great songs.

Lovely, they are.

(SPEAKS IN YORUBA)

What?

(IN YORUBA)

I don't understand.

(IN YORUBA)

Oi, well, give it back, then!

(IN YORUBA)

Be fair, that's rat poison.

These things can get... contaminated!

(IN YORUBA)

All right, all right, all right.

I'm sorry, OK?

Do you understand?

(GASPS AND CHOKES)

That's better.

It's easy done, though.

Cos these things are banned over here, I mean, look at 'em...

I heard of a woman who mixed these up with her dishwasher tablets.

Washed her crockery in strychnine.

Poisoned the whole family.

They were found grinning.

Apparently, these things give you convulsions, and you die with a rictus grin.

Grin?

Poison?

Whole family... two kids, big smile, dead.

You're not following a word.

I poisoned someone once.

Killed this woman stone dead.

Her name was Claire.

I loved her.

Have a biscuit, then. Go on.

So, where are you from, then, Zara?

Nigeria, is that right?

You're not one of them schoolgirls, are you?

You?

Schoolgirl?

(IN YORUBA)

No. Seriously?

(IN YORUBA)

Oh, my God.

Are you one of them schoolgirls? Really?

(IN YORUBA)

Gun?

Bang, bang.

Oh, my God, what happened?

Papa... ..

My papa.

Your father? Did they shoot him?

(IN YORUBA)

My mama?

Your mother?

(IN YORUBA)

Oh, she must've been heartbroken.

(IN YORUBA)

... Mancester.

Manchester!

Mancester!

Bloody hellfire.

Well, you're safe now.

Not many like me, sweetheart, I pay minimum wage.

Well, I... pay what minimum wage was.

Well!

Jonjo gets the money, I suppose.

God knows what he pays you, but still...

Me.

Nice. Yeah?

You. Nice.

You got lucky!

Jonjo not... not nice.

Well, no, that's Jonjo. He's a piece of work.

Jonjo...

(IN YORUBA)

What does that mean?

(IN YORUBA)

Is this Jonjo now?

What about him?

(IN YORUBA)

Well, he's not as clever as he thinks, Jonjo.

He acts the big I am.

More like the big was not.

R... rap.

(IN YORUBA) ... rr... rr-ap.

I don't know what you're saying.

(IN YORUBA)

Jonjo rape me.

Right, well, I think that's enough for now, so let's get back to work.

(IN YORUBA)

Back to work!

Oh, sh1t.

Well, what am I supposed to do?!

If I call the police, they'll shut me down!

And I'm a major employer!

I've got 15 bloody crews out there, working all hours.

They'll all be out of work!

And what's going to happen to you, then?

Not that simple, is it?

Police.

I'm saying, no police!

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

They'll deport you, for starters.

(SHE CONTINUES IN OWN LANGUAGE)

No... no police.

No police. Good!

Oh, don't be so f*cking dramatic!

Who do you think you are, missy?

Who do you think you're kidding?!

I'm not impressed!

Don't go thinking you can shock me.

I'm made of tougher stuff than that.

I've seen it all in this job.

Murders. Suicides.

I had to clean up after a bride who electrocuted herself.

And what did I do?

I got on with it.

I did my job.

I shovel the sh1t because life is hard, and that's tough!

And I should know.

Because I've killed a woman, haven't I?

(SHE SOBS)

I've always liked girls.

From the day I was born.

Do you understand?

Me. Love girls.

Make my heart go boom, boom, boom, yes?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

I've had some good times over the years.

I may not be God's gift, but that's my secret.

Spend a long time becoming their best friend... and then leap into their knickers. Lovely!

Then I met Claire... yeah?

I'd always gone for younger, until she came along.

She was 15 years older than me.

Gorgeous!

Moved in together. Even my daughter liked her, and she's a miserable sod.

It was a miracle.

And then I killed her.

I found this recipe... for baked cod.

Baked in sea salt. I thought, "That's posh."

So that's what I did... baked cod in sea salt. Beautiful.

And that night... bang.

Heart attack.

Took her three days to die.

She never woke up.

Oh, my God, she was lovely.

Obvious, though, wasn't it?

Salt. Blood pressure.

I said to the doctor, "Was that my fault?" He said, "No."

But I said, "But you can't really say that for sure, can you?"

He said, "That's true."

I didn't really kill her, did I?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

That was 14 years ago.

Oh, my darling.

I have not been kissed in 14 years.

Do you know what gets me?

You watch TV.

Magazines.

Every single pop song, it's all s*x, s*x, s*x.

And all the time, there's this army... this silent bloody army marching through the world.

An army of people who haven't been kissed for years and years and years.

And I wish you'd stop looking at me like that.

I knew, all right? I knew.

I always f*cking knew.

I don't know what to do.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

What does that mean?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

OK.


No matter what, we're the cleaners, we do our jobs, OK?

Back to work, come on!

Where did you find that?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Well, why don't you steal it?!

You little bloody idiot!

Don't go showing it to me!

How thick are you? For Christ's sake!

How much is there?

Bloody hell.

There must be 400 quid there.

You could do anything with this!

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Hey. Oh, darling...

Oh, sweetheart.

You can keep it. Hide it.

Don't let Jonjo see.

Like a secret, yeah?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

... London.

What's that?

London.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

... London.

London?

What about it? Do you know someone there?

Could you go to London?

Zara? Look at me.

If you go to London, is there someone who can help you? In London?

London...

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Who's in London?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

... Ayaba.

Ayaba? Is that your friend?

Ayaba!

Here.

Take it.

All of it.

I don't want it.

Oh, wait...

Hide it!

Don't let anyone see.

Quickly now. We're ten minutes from the station.

Trains, yes?

Piccadilly? Over there, yeah?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Go to London!

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Before Jonjo gets back.

I can't stop him, Zara.

But you can get out. You can go.

You can walk out of here and go to London.

Far away from Jonjo.

And far away from me.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Please, God, understand what I'm saying!

I killed a woman once.

Now let me save one.

Just go!

I'm gonna turn my back. I wasn't looking!

That's my excuse!

And you just went and... ran away.

"Whoosh!"

I'll say...

"Jonjo, I turned my back, and she was gone."

"Never mind! There's plenty more where she came from!"

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Go.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

... London?

For God's sake, go to London and find your friend. Please!

Are you going?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

Good luck.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

(SHE SIGHS)

(DOOR CREAKS AND CLANGS)

(DOOR CLANGS)

(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS)

Aye-aye.

I found her heading out, like she was she running away.

No.

I sent her to check the van, I think I left it unlocked.

That's right, isn't it, Zara?

Check van. Come back.

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

I'll check it now, I've got to go and park properly.

Turns out they called in the police.

Who did?

McKinnen Lloyd. Said it might be arson, so we got thrown out.

They're all yours now.

Nice young girls, just the way you like it.

Well, good.

There's plenty of work to do.

I'll move the bus.

Are you sure about her?

Yes. Why?

What's she been saying?

Nothing, you idiot.

She doesn't even speak English, does she?

Yeah, well... I've got my eye on you.

(DOOR CREAKS)

He'll find it, won't he?

Fat lot of good I was.

What about your friend? In London.

Ayaba?

Who's she, then?

Queen Elizabeth.

Right.

She's in London.

Yeah.

So, what do I do now?

There's so many of you.

Even if I could help he's never going to let you go, is he?

What the hell do I do?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

What?

(SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE)

What does that mean?

We clean. That is what we do.

Yes.

All right, then. I suppose.

50 years of hard work.

Don't stop now.

Right, you lot... off we go.

It's a red-sheet day!

Red sheets!

Mop the floors!

That's one part detergent, three parts water!

Wash the windows!

Add a bit of vinegar! Makes them shine!

Kitchen!

One cap of bleach per gallon, add a bit of lemon juice!

Laundry!

Add a little bit of salt, keep it shining white!

One part soap and three parts water Never mind, it's someone's daughter All the world can shine and glitter Cos my girls have cleaned the shitter Look away!

Look away!

Let the slaves clean up the muck!

Look away!

Look away!

Don't pretend you give a f*ck!

Don't pretend you give a...

f*ck!

Don't think you've finished.

Next floor down! Off you go!

... Hup-hup-hup-hup-hup.

(VANESSA CLAPS)

Not bad, is it? This place.

You could have quite a few people living here.

And no-one would ever know. Only the cleaners.

Cos the cleaners know everything, don't they?

Now, you go and tell Jonjo I'll be down in a second, OK?

Tell him I'll make him a nice cup of tea.

That'll put a smile on his face.