02x02 - Zombie Bro

Previously on iZombie...

So we has one dozs of Cure.

Major: You turned me into a zombie.

Rather than watch you die.

You let mecheck myself into a mental hospital.

You let me think I was crazy.

Whatever happens now, I hope you can forgive me.

Liv?

I get it. You're not talking to me.

I just need some time.

What do I need to replicate the cure?

Ah, yes. The tainted Utopium from the night of the boat massacre.

Hey, Dad!

Major: I showed up to train a new client today, and he was a zombie.

Gilda: We've solved the zombie problem.

We've located the instrument of their destruction.

Du Clark: There are zombies living among us.

You want me to kill them?

Yes.

You've got the wrong man for the job.

We do know of one zombie, Liv Moore.

I've got you over a barrel, big guy.

Hey, roomie. How was work?

You would not believe the guy we hired.

Ahh!

My father has been missing for twr days now.

He's six-feet tall with brown hair and brown eyes. [SNIFFLING]

If you've seen him, or heard of anything at all, please contact the Seattle Police.

Please help us find our dad.

We love him so much and we just want him to come home.

Reporter: Verna, Verna, over here. I have a question.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

[ALL CHEERING]

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your beers!

Four score and seven years ago, and something, something... Hail Caesar!

Yo! What up, furry?

[GROANS]

[LAUGHING] Party foul!

[AUSTIN WHOOPING]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

[EXHALES]

What happened to Caesar?

Oh, he came, he saw, he was stabbed several times in quick succession with a sharp cylindrical object.

Likely an ice pick. This is Chad Wolcoff.

He was the pledge captain for Zeta Beta Theta.

Wait, don't move.

These look like the exact vials from the boat party that contained the tainted Utopium.

Ravi, I'm pretty sure that all Utopium comes in vials like that.

Oh.

And FYI, if you find the cure for zombie-ism on this floor, I may opt to keep eating brains.

Room packed with people, a guy gets stabbed multiple times, and no one saw anything.

Seriously?

I'm really gonna need a hand with this, so let me know when things get extrasensory.

Well, I hope you like Jager bombs and homoerotic subtext.

[BEEPING]

- Can you meet me upstairs?

Yes.

[BURPS]

And so it begins...

You know what I fear more than death? Love?

Unrealized potential.

I am overflowing with potential, and I'm tapping every last drop.

How about you, Speedy? You realizing your potential?

I don't know if I'm overflowing but, yeah.

All that stuff you said.

That self-doubt? That's Mr. Boss talking.

We always said we wanted more. More responsibility, more money.

I wanted to be alive to really get to enjoy those things.

[SIGHS]

He's not gonna take too kindly to us moving in on his Utopium trade.

Hey, this is our time.

Our product is better than that glorified ecstasy he sells.

Higher highs.

Lower lows.

Just saying.

We're going to undercut Mr. Boss' prices.

Four dealers. Four of the hottest clubs. Opposite ends of the city.

By the time Mr. Boss knows what hit him, customers are gonna be knocking down our door.

And I've got a big-ass roll of Benjamins. Boys answering to me.

Yes. Now...

Our sales staff, did you find what we were looking for?

Upscale types, like you said.

Rich kids whose daddies cut them off. Not the usual creepers.

I don't want to know anything. I'm just the little man behind the curtain.

No one needs to know I exist. This is your show, okay?

A year from now, we'll be running this city.

Your lips to God's ears.

Go. Go get 'em.

Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Sounds like a risky plan.

Oh, and what? You're the plan guy?

Now, any progress finding that guy who cut the tainted Utopium?

Got a couple leads.

Allow me to light a fire under you.

Do you know why your brother was institutionalized?

Because he was crazy. He heard voices. He saw things.

And the loony SOB thought there were zombies running around Seattle.

That's just silly.

Sometimes they just loiter.

Chief, did I say you could lick the bowl?

It's, like, unthinkable that someone murdered Chad.

No, like, seriously, I can't even think it.

He was more than just a frat brother. He was, like, a brother-brother, bro.

For real.

[PUMPING]

Oh, hey, I think we killed that.

What are you doing?

Coaxing the flow to the hose.

[INAUDIBLE]

Did Chad have any enemies that you know of?

No way, man. Chad was the freaking best.

Everybody loved him.

Well, not everybody.

I mean, someone stabbed him to death.

No disrespect, bro.

No, no, bro. I feel you.

Valid point.

That person might be a complete knob, but they're out there.

I don't know, like, who do you guys know who totally sucks?

Actually, that's not important.

Seems like a solid jumping-off point, bro.

Guys, who you think sucks is not helpful information.

Hey! Hey! Did Chad ever fight with anyone?

Well, I mean, sometimes dudes from other frats would get pissed because he crushed so hard at pong.

[BOYS LAUGHING]

He was just a great guy. He invented Stripper Car Wash Sunday.

Which sounds degrading, but all the proceeds went to charity.

Dude, no, they didn't.

Bro, that's why he didn't have to pay the strippers.

It all went to, like, dyslexia research.

The best was Chunk.

Chunk! Ah!

Chad buttered this fat guy's floor while he was asleep.

So dude gets up in the morning, all naked, and he's slipping around like a freaking walrus on ice.

[LAUGHING]

It's on YouTube. You guys gotta see it.

Oh, yeah.

See, that's just the kind of guy Chad was, you know.

You pass out drunk, shave the eyebrows. Maybe snap a ball-drag pic.

[LAUGHING]

Sounds like he might have made some people upset.

Maybe the victims of these pranks?

I guess like a little. To everyone else it was just super funny.

Look, Chad wasn't just pranks and stuff.

Like, he was always there for his brothers.

When you're doing your fourth funnel, and you're not gonna puke, but you might still give up, he was the guy yelling, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!".

Ready, bro?

Let's do this, bro!

All: [CHANTING] Chug! Chug!

Brody: One, two, three.

You ruined my life, man! You ruined my life.

Chug.

I lost my champion, bro.

I lost my champion. [SNIFFLES]

Hey, you. How did Chad ruin your life?

Damn!

I didn't know I was streaking by an elementary school till I heard the kids start laughing.

[LAUGHING]

Not only was I arrested, I had to register as a s*x offender.

So why stay with the fraternity?

Chad convinced me to. My career prospects are limited now.

Chad assured me that the Zeta Beta Thetas take care of their own.

As long as I'm a brother, I have a future.

Where were you at the time of the murder?

I was in the back room, talking to some girl in a sexy unicorn costume.

We heard screams and ran inside.

I'll need the girl's name.

She was just a random chick.

Wait. I saw a photo on the party's Instagram feed.

Clive: Are these all from the party?

Randy: Yeah, look that is me in the curtain.

Clive: How am I supposed to know that's you?

A pterodactyl could be inside there and no one would know.

But it's me. Look, I have the costume.

All that tells me is you have the costume that an unidentified person was wearing in this photo.

But it's me.

Okay, Brody will tell you.

You know, these must've been taken from the top of the staircase.

All right, there's Chad, right?

Still there, still there, still there, gone. Right? Let's go back.

See this furry blue thing?

You can see Chad as Furry Blue is heading over, but look at this one of Furry Blue walking away. Chad's down.

Furry Blue is probably who stabbed him. Okay...

He doesn't remember what I was wearing, but...

Who wore the Furry Blue costume?

Yeah, I don't know who the blue guy is, but how huge are Megan Reilly's cans?

[BOYS LAUGHING]

Oh, that's not Megan Reilly, bro. Her cans are more teardrop.

Okay!

Thank you for your time.

So, if I remember anything, should I call you, or...

You can call me.

I'm the detective on the case. She works in the morgue.

You're like that box of chocolates from Forrest Gump,

I never know what I'm gonna get.

You're getting chocolate, bro.

I'll start calling the local costume shops.

See if I can find the ones that stock that blue furry costume.

Find out who rented it.

Chakrabarti! Where you at?

I have been doing some thinking, and I'm pretty sure what this morgue needs is a foosball table.

[SNORING]

I know you can't fully control your actions when you're on a brain, but I really need you to try and rein in the bro.

We would be in serious trouble if someone came in and saw how you arranged the medical skeletons.

And this, this is unacceptable.

What if someone came in to identify their loved one and the medical examiner had "fart" written on his forehead?

[LAUGHING]

It isn't funny.

It's pretty funny.

It really isn't.

It kinda is.

I can assure you it isn't funny.

It isn't funny.

You're lucky you're receiving a suspension and not an expulsion.

Chad: Okay. [LAUGHS] But it's kind of funny.

No. No, it's not. It's not funny.

Were you contemplating your actions or having a vision?

If you had to guess...

I take back every bad thing I ever said about frat boys.

These brains are fun as hell.

I can't stop chillaxing. Everything is hilarious.

Dude, the guy who killed Chad is a total dick, and I demand...

[BEEPS]

Babineaux.

Wazzup? Just had a vis.

Yeah, it was, like, a discipline hearing-type thing.

This kid looked like he wanted to murder Chad, bro.

We've gotta find this other student.

Pronto.

Brain fart. [CHUCKLES] Whole new level.

So I finally found out the blue bear is a character from a Swedish kids' show named Captain Wozzles.

He did look Nordic.

I called every costume shop here in Seattle. So far, no one carries it.

I'll move on to shops in the surrounding area.

But first, I spoke to the dean of Pacific West University about your vision.

He wouldn't give me details about the grievance filed against Chad without a warrant, but said I was welcome to see if the student was open to discussing it.

He's on his way in now. And you'll never guess what his name is.

Chad Wolcoff.

Like the murder victim.

Can you tell us why you filed a grievance against Chad?

Chad and I often got each other's mail back at school.

I got invited to speak at a high school about the dangers of drunk driving.

Chad got my invitation by mistake.

He thought it would be a hoot to get wasted and go in my place.

He basically gave a tutorial on how to drink and drive to 200 high school seniors before school security dragged him off stage.

Oh, hey, I get why that's awful, but I think Chad was just trying to be funny, you know. I...

Thirty people per day are killed in drunk driving accidents.

Can you tell us where you were last night, around 10 p.m.?

Uh... I was in my room, studying.

Anyone who can verify that?

Doubtful. It's just...

Look, I took the appropriate actions with Chad, okay?

I met with the dean. I filed a complaint.

Chad was a buffoon, but I don't think he deserved to die.

All right. I'll contact you with any further questions. Don't leave town.

Tightly wound, but he didn't give me a premeditated murder vibe.

I'm guessing he lost someone close to him in a drunk-driving accident.

Chad making light of that could've made him snap.

A sideways glance could've made him snap.

That dude has zero chill.

Your blood pressure is a bit higher than it's been.

It might not be cure-related.

Still feeling okay?

Yeah.

So, I know you're a student of men's lifestyle magazines.

Beard glitter. Is this a trend I should know about?

It was an accident.

Involving a My Little Pony?

I had some makeup on before that was surprisingly difficult to wash off.

Been there. So, you know I'm referring to your beard as Princess Sparkles from now on though, right?

Why would you be referring to my beard?

"You've got some crumbs stuck in Princess Sparkles."

Or, "Princess Sparkles could use a trim." [CHUCKLES]

So, how's work going on the cure?

I can't make any progress without tainted Utopium.

I've run tests on regular Utopium, but, to be honest, I know very little about how the drug works.

I mean, it's relatively new, there aren't studies.

Have you, you know, ever tried any?

You know hugs are my drug of choice.

I've been mulling it over, and I think it would be beneficial for me to try some.

You know, so I can better understand its effects.

Isn't that kind of like smacking a bear to better understand being mauled to death?

No.

It's like smacking a bear to better understand physical exertion and adrenaline.

Field research is incredibly helpful.

Experiencing how Utopium works in the body could help my research immeasurably.

Would you come to a club with me?

I could use someone to monitor me while I'm on the drug.

You know, make sure I'm safe, help record data.

Ravi, can't I just help you move a couch or something?

I'm really not up for the, like, "Watch me do drugs" favor.

Sorry. I didn't realize there were limits to our friendship.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, don't bat those big brown eyes at me, you manipulative b*st*rd. All right. I should get going.

I do not want to run into Liv...

Liv: Too late.

[SIGHS]

How are you doing?

Hanging in there.

No, really.

You know, let's not do this, okay?

No let's-get-real talk. Not yet.

I'm great. All's well.

Sorry, bro, just asking.

Bro?

I'm on frat boy brains at the moment, and everything's getting filtered through the bro-zone layer.

[CHUCKLES]

"I'm on frat boy brains. No big whoop."

Just like you're doing a cleanse. Eating dead people brains.

It's just a fact of my life right now. Look past it, please.

I wanna catch up.

Sorry, bro. No can do.

[SLURPING]

[GULPS] Ahh.

Bad day?

[SIGHS] I got smacked down by someone I used to be tight with.

It was harsh.

Hey, I'm happy you're a drink-through-the-pain type.

Not the sad-girl-surrounded- by-empty-ice-cream-pints type.

You want in on this?

How about we go get a real drink?

I kind of felt like ordering in hot wings and watching Entourage.

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Yo! Who?

Brody!

Brody?

From Zeta Beta Theta?

I got your deets from a Jamaican dude at the morgue.

So, listen, we're hosting this memorial thing for Chad tonight.

It's like, a party.

I thought you might wanna come by, you know. Just, like, hang or whatever.

You wanna come with me to a frat party tonight? It's kind of a work thing.

Yeah, cool.

There's a dress code.

Dress code? A dress code for a frat party?

Boys: [CHANTING] Chad...

I remember this one time, me and Chad were kayaking in the San Juans.

He told me, "If I ever die, bro, I don't want it to be lame."

He said that he wanted his death to be like his life.

An epic party, where anything goes, but clothes!

[ALL CHEERING]

All: [CHANTING] Chad! Chad! Chad! Chad!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Remind me again how this is for work.

Oh, it's hard to explain. I'm trying to be bro-active.

Oh.

Ladies!

No, I don't do Mardi Gras beads.

Well, uh...

And, yes, I know I'm wearing a garbage bag.


Hey, girl!

Hey!

Hey, make sure she gets the red, bro.

Oh, yeah.

Red is for "date." It's this "Do, Date, Delete" game we play.

Actually, I made a website for it.

So, like, okay... Do, date, delete, Tom Hardy, Tom Brady, Tom Cruise.

Do you still get to do the one you date?

Yeah. But you gotta keep doing them.

So you're, like, locking yourself in.

Got it.

Date Hardy.

Yeah.

Wait, I kind of want to delete Brady and Cruise.

Makes you think, right?

Yeah!

Yeah, there's no way I'm drinking something I didn't pour myself, and there's no way I'm not drinking, so I'll be right back. Excuse me.

So, you wanna see my room?

Maybe later, bro.

Right now, I've got one word in my bro-cabulary, and that word is "justice." I am going on the vision quest of all vision quests.

I will not rest till I find the b*st*rd who...

Beer pong! Time to get your balls wet, bros!

[CROWD WHOOPING]

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I was wrong about the bathroom being the place to score drugs.

There's definitely some transactions going on in there, but not the kind we're looking for.

Ow you holding up? There's definitely. Everyone looks like a drug dealerhere, in this lighting. I have to say, I'm disappointed.

I thought you'd be better at this.

Because everything about me says I'd be awesome at scoring drugs?

You bought a grenade out of the trunk of a car.

How can you not figure out how to buy drugs at a nightclub?

It's a different skill set. If you want a bazooka, I can get you a bazooka in 15 minutes, at cost.

That isn't very helpful right now, is it?

Looking to score some U?

Maybe. I don't know.

How do I know you're not a cop?

How do I know he's not a cop?

How do you know I'm not a cop?

I'm strangely offended.

Frankly, I'm fairly certain I'm the closest to law enforcement here.

How much do you want?

Oh, two, please.

One to take now, and one to take in a controlled environment at a later date.

Drug dealer: Later, dude.

Okay. So, once one purchases the drugs, where does one do them?

Yes!

[ALL CHEER]

Are you not entertained?

Your friend is so great. Is she always like this?

She wasn't yesterday.

I feel amazing.

I'm so present, so in my body, but I'm also floating, like watching the experience be experienced, like I literally don't have a care in the world!

I'm just floating on goodness.

When did everything get so beautiful?

All: [CHANTING] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Yay!

[ALL WHOOPING]

Hey! I know you're going for gold in the bro-lympics, just wondering how that's a work thing?

Right.

My bad. Time to focus.

You got this, bro. You got this.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHS] Dude, we need to get more of this.

What?

Utopium. I want more.

"Zeta Beta Theta Dog Fight 2015 Champion Chad Wolcoff."

Hey! You made it upstairs.

You guys fight dogs?

Huh? Oh, hells no. No, that's disgusting.

No, the Dog Fight is, like, this party where all the frat bros, they invite the homeliest girl they can find, and then the champion is the one whose date is the last dog you'd want to throw a bone.

Oh, no, but it's not, like, mean or anything.

I mean, the girls know they're ugly, right?

Who did Chad bring to the party the night that he won?

Uh... This girl Paulette.

Why do you want to talk about ugly girls so much?

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

Come on, let's go get naked and cuddle. Just kind of see what's what.

Major?

Hey, I found you under "In Case of Emergency" on this guy's phone.

You should probably come get him.

Where are you?

Billy Club, downtown.

Okay, I'm on my way.

[LIV GRUNTING]

I got you, bro. I got you.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Liv: 217 Emerson Street.

You guys are the best. And can I just say just how glad I am that we're all in the know over the whole zombie thing.

Not cool, bro.

I am your bro.

Driver: Let's go! Move it!

[HONKS HORN]

And I'm your bro.

[PHONE CHIMES]

And I'm your bro.

And I'm a bro to whoever is texting you.

Liv: What the hell?

They can hear you. They're always listening.

Guys, guys...

We should get matching tattoos.

[ANNOUNCER CHATTERING ON TV]

Am I that messed up, or are you wearing police tape?

You're that messed up.

Aspirin. Water. Electrolytes.

And I thought paper towels were a good idea.

You're not gonna want to, but you should try to drink lots of fluids.

I'll leave you to it. Good luck.

Can you stay?

I won't let anything happen to you.

And I won't shave your eyebrows.

So I checked into that Dog Fight winner, like you suggested.

Paulette Mosley. She's on her way in.

Oh, damn.

What?

What if she doesn't know about the Dog Fight?

They probably don't tell them, right?

If you tell her, you could destroy this poor girl.

I have to ask her. It's motive.

It's why we're bringing her in.

You're on your own, bro.

Tragedy needs the "plus time" for funny. This needs "plus time."

You know it's probably irrelevant anyway.

Based on the photos from the frat party, the killer had to be over six-feet tall.

Paulette: Are you Babineaux?

I don't think she knew.

[PAULETTE SOBBING]

Ravi: 11:52 p.m. Heart rate is... Oh, hey.

Woman: Hey!

I love you!

[RAVI LAUGHING]

You want? Huh?

I love you! - You love me?

That's so amazing. Uh-huh. I love you.

Bubbles are magical.

♪ I'm lagging, swagging, high on the wagon that she dragging ♪
♪ Blow her brain out the back with the goods I'm packing ♪
♪ Weezy... ♪

Major, you know what we need for the house? Velvet.

Major. Major. Major.

Major. Major.

Hey. Hi. [LAUGHS]

Oh, no, I was... I was just listening to a thing a friend sent. A jokey bit.

I hope it was funny 'cause things are getting ready to get gruesome.

Prepare yourself.

It's pretty gnarly.

Trust me, I'm more than used to...

[UNZIPPING]

You never get used to it.

I'll be right back. I've got three more just like this one.

He knocked off all four dealers. Tortured them.

There's no way that he'd give me up. There's no way!

Blaine: Speedy, take it easy.

He's coming after me.

Speedy.

You know he's coming after me.

That's why you have to lay low, Speedy. You hear me?

You don't talk to anyone. I'll handle this.

Okay.

You call me anytime.

It's us against them, brother. I got you.

Is everything okay?

Fine and dandy.

All four victims are missing teeth and fingernails.

The detective on the case thinks someone was sending a message.

And this is the guy who sold you and Major Utopium at the club?

I buy drugs one time, purely for research purposes, and this is what happens.

How bad must my karma be?

Ever think it was his karma?

Hey, I haven't been able to reach you.

Oh. Someone ran over my phone.

I found a shop in Tacoma that carries our elusive costume.

Got a name for the girl who rented it the night of the frat party.

Apparently, she rented it for her boyfriend. They're on their way in.

Let's go.

Captain Wozzles is awesome.

Um, why do you want to talk about the costume?

I swear, it wasn't damaged when we returned it.

Are they saying that it was damaged?

A student was murdered at a Pac West frat party.

We have reason to believe the killer wore a Captain Wozzles costume.

Wow, I didn't see any blood on it or anything.

The murder happened while you were in possession of the costume.

I haven't been able to locate another one.

Wait, I don't understand. You think it was me?

Cause I haven't been to a frat party ever in my life.

[BECKY LAUGHING]

We just moved here from Spokane a few months ago.

Can you tell us where you were two nights ago? Around 10 p.m.?

I was at home with Becky. We were just hanging out at home.

He was with me all night. I swear.

So, you rented the costume, and then just stayed home and didn't use it?

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY] No, like...

[STAMMERING] I used it. I used it. I just...

I wore it at home.

You just wore a Captain Wozzles costume in your living room?

Uh... I'm a furry.

A what?

I'm into costumes that look like stuffed animals.

[SIGHING]

Like sexually.

It's a fetish, okay?

I was not expecting that.

Here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need details, photos.

We don't need details or photos.

Unless you have them, and they're hilarious.

We definitely don't need details or photos.

Yes, we do.

What would be more shocking, that sweet-faced kid as a murderer, or that kid getting his freak on dressed as a stuffed animal?

Sonny doesn't appear to have any connection to Chad, or the frat, or even the college. Where's the motive?

There has to be another Captain Wozzles costume out there.

I haven't been able to locate another anywhere.

Maybe it was the actual Captain Wozzles?

[LAUGHING]

Blaine!

Wait.

I wasn't finished.

[SIGHS] Okay. Don't go too far this time.

More milky Tilda Swinton, less Casper's ass.

Yeah? Good.

Yeah.

Sir.

There's a man outside says he wants to see you. Doesn't have an appointment.

What do I care, Nina? Send him away.

Uh, he scares me.

Send him in. Take an early lunch.

Stacey Boss controls narcotics, bookmaking, prostitution, smuggling, trafficking, murder for hire, DVD late fees.

People in Seattle can't get mugged without him getting his beak wet.

One in eight cops and one in three judges are on his payroll.

I worked for the guy.

Tell me something I don't know.

That I don't want to die? Because if you're really asking me to use the powers of the DA's office to bring down Mr. Boss...

First, you're already dead.

Get over it.

Second, once you hold a press conference declaring him public enemy number one and that you, Floyd Baracus, Eliot Ness-like paragon of virtue will be the public servant who puts him in jail, you'll be... What's the word? Ah, yes.

Untouchable. Next stop, mayor's office.

No one cares about Mr. Boss anymore.

He's an institution around here. He's like the monorail or salmon tossing.

We're used to him.

That was yesterday.

Today's a bit different.

Don't you read the papers?

I saw it.

More dead drug dealers. It won't change things.

Sure about that?

Take a look at these kids.

Attractive. Well-to-do. Good families.

Nobody cared when he was killing the unwashed masses.

But now he's moved to new territories, where people register to vote.

Protecting rich white kids is your job.

You've just been handed the political will to take him down.

You know how risky it would be to take on Mr. Boss?

I bet you wish you had the choice, huh?

I'll need cash.

You get paid in brains.

I'll have to grease a lot of palms in order to get any movement on this case.

One in eight cops. One in three judges. Remember?

I'll get you the cash.

Do you have any idea what you're starting here?

I believe I do.

[PHONE RINGING]

Man: Wakey-wakey, Speedy.

Speedy: No. No. No!

Mr. Boss sends his regards.

And Alexander wept when he realized there were no more worlds to conquer.

Did you weep, Angus?

Let me guess, business has been so bad you're reduced to making your own deliveries.

No. The only brains I brought today are right up here.

And wouldn't you love a bite of those bad boys.

No need. I've read Oedipus.

[LAUGHING] Oedipus requires a living mother, but, hey.

How could you have seen the warning signs?

Don't all wives lock themselves alone in their room for weeks at a time, claiming they want to die?

And why would it even occur to you to lock up your Beretta?

You're a whiny bitch.

So obvious that you didn't get that from me.

What was it Madonna said? "Papa, don't preach."

And business is booming, thank you for asking. My client list keeps growing, but don't worry. You never forget your first customer.

Son turns father into a member of the undead.

Gee. Why did Oedipus even cross my mind? What is it you want?

What does anyone ever want from you, Angus? Money.

Lots of it.

[LAUGHS]

On top of the 25k a month for brains? Whoo!

You should learn to live within your means.

If you don't mind, what shortcut are you taking this time, huh?

It's always the same for you, isn't it? Always looking for the easy way out.

Least amount of talent required. [LAUGHING]

Least amount of effort.

What does the PowerPoint look like for your inspirational climb up the ladder?

Step one. Have your father who built the company institutionalized.

Step two. Move into his office.

Your Horatio Alger story was a phone call.

[MIMICS CORK POPPING]

The strings I pulled to get my party boy son into Wharton.

You couldn't make it one semester.

"Dad. Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad... This widget's gonna lutionize the way we listen to music, rent apartments, hook up. I just need some startup capital."

I always knew the request was coming, because you'd manage to hide your hate for me for a few weeks leading up to the pitch.

And I would just give in. I guess that's how this story ends.

No.

This story ends with me taking this chair, this desk, this office, your entire company.

The only thing that means anything to you.

I'll watch you walk out of here with a cardboard box full of paperclips and K-Cups.

It's the dream that gets me out of bed each day.

And after I watch that play out, I'm gonna stick you in the same hellhole where you stuck Grandpa.

He babied you.

He loved me.

You just don't know the difference.

Make it out for half a million.

Look at me.

Chip off the old block.

Katy Perry. Kate Upton. Kate Middleton.

I mean, all three doable and datable. This game is impossible.

[SIGHING]

By the time I got the Captain Wozzles costume from the shop, it had already been laundered.

I was hoping Forensics could still get something off of it.

I'm kind of glad they couldn't, after what our furry friends told us.

Hmm... Do Dylan McDermott. Date Bob Dylan.

Delete Dermot Mulroney.

Really? Did you not see his turn on New Girl?

I found him delightful.

Oh, I thought Dylan McDermott was from My Best Friend's Wedding.

Mmm-mmm, that's Dermot Mulroney.

I deleted the wrong Dermot!

Wait a minute.

What if...

What if the wrong guy got killed?

I couldn't find a connection to you and the murder victim because there wasn't one.

But I've got some bad news for you, son.

This Chad Wolcoff, the one you killed, he's not who ran over your father in a drunk-driving accident.

No, that would be this Chad Wolcoff, from your hometown of Spokane.

You murdered an innocent man.

Chad Wolcoff of Spokane, the one you believed you were killing, has spent the past five years speaking at high schools about the dangers of drunk driving.

He was trying to make amends for what he did to your family.

[CRYING]

My dad was working up on Highway 2, putting in a guardrail.

This drunk 15-year-old kid doing 95 skids right into him.

All I knew about the guy who killed Dad was he was a few years older than me [SIGHS] And his name was Chad Wolcoff.

Every once in a while, I would Google this Chad Wolcoff.

Until I finally got a hit last year. He was the right age.

I had to see him, the guy who destroyed my family.

And when I did, he was just this idiot drunk, and he didn't care that he killed my dad.

He didn't have a care in the world.

And now you're saying that this wasn't him?

That this is just some guy? And he didn't do anything?

He didn't do anything?

He didn't do anything.

Oh, no. [CRYING]

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Liv: Our lives are a collection of choices.

Sonny chose to avenge his father.

I chose to not tell my fiance I'm a zombie.

We make our own beds.

Seems beneath our dignity to whine when we're forced to sleep in them.

But Major held me... Held me and told me he wouldn't let anything happen to me.

Maybe, just this once, there's a do-over.

Hey.

Major left a message.

He wanted me to come pick up the replacement cell phone he bought for me.

The..the phone.Yeah, of course.

Oh. I thought he'd be home.

Oh, no, he is. He is. He's... [CLEARS THROAT]

It's fine. I just want to go say "Hi."

We're back on speaking terms. Baby steps, I know.

Major? It's me.

I left the phone with Ravi.

I just wanted to say "Hi."

Kinda busy.

[SNIFFING]