01x08 - Girl Meets Smackle

Ancient Greece...

What that? What that that?

What thi-this?

This is a present.

Is it for me?

What's your game, Matthews?

Game? I mean no game.

I just want to know who here wants this present.

Oh, Maya, what?

You assume by playing hard to get, I'm gonna give it to you?

Well, yes.

That's one of the many arrows in my quiver.

(Shudders)

Medieval talk... what are you doing to me, woman?

Riley.

Yay!

"The trojan horse"?

Surprise.

This isn't a present.

This is one of your life lessons wrapped up in a class lesson wrapped up in a box of nothing.

How you doing, honey?

I'ma worked up.

I know.

You assumed because it was all neat and pretty that something good was inside.

Ancient Troy was protected by walls.

The greeks couldn't get in, so they built a big wooden horse and left it behind.

What do you think the trojans did?

They left it there because they were afraid that somebody was trying to teach them something.

They captured it as a trophy and brought it inside.

That night, the Greek soldiers crawled out of the horse and defeated Troy.

What have we learned here?

Mr. Friar?

Don't make assumptions based on what you see?

Riley, listen, I'm sorry I made an example of you.

So here's a gift for you.

Ooh... no!

I want to... no! Pretty ribbon... no!

I'll take my chances with that, sir.

No, Lucas.

You have to assume it was no good because the first one was no good.

Aren't you all proud of me, Dad?

No!

"Get out of detention free."

Ooh, I could use one of those.

Gimme that and I won't call you ranger Rick" all week.

Here you go.

Thanks, ranger Roy.

Lemme guess.

Ranger Roy is filling in for ranger Rick?

All week. And now... you.

Oh, is something gonna happen to me?

Yes, it is. (Scatting)

♪ D-d-d-detention ♪
♪ But not today. ♪ Boom!

Read the card.

Huh?

Card.

"Say 'get out of detention free' then give worthless card to Maya then watch her dance on my desk."

Never assume.

Look more deeply.

Just because something is wrapped up all pretty, doesn't always mean it is.

You were in on this!

I'm ranger Roy and I'll be here all week.

Oh-ho-ho.

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world. ♪

...in conclusion, school uniforms reduce individuality which will be unnecessary in the real world when you're all working for me.

Thank you. I am Farkle!

I don't understand debate.

I say you do.

Okay.

I like debate... exploring two sides of the same thing... good and bad, light and dark, right in front of you at the same time.

Where else are you gonna get that?

Oh, right here. Look at you.

And now from Einstein academy, "undefeated this season, 72 pounds of raw intellectual power!

She is who your mama wishes she gave birth to!"

The one, the only...

Smackle!

(Rock music playing)

(Music stops)

You goin' down, chump.

Wearing a uniform makes you surrender to conformity and sacrifices uniqueness, which is our most valuable freedom.

Don't let anybody tell you what to wear.

Don't let anybody tell you what to be.

Smackle, the one and only, out.

Well, before I announce the winner, let me remind you all that our final debate of the season will be held right here next week, where our thought-provoking topic will be is beauty only skin deep?"

Great, thank you.

So the winner of today's debate is...

Isadora Smackle, Einstein academy.

It looks like our debate team could use some help.

Yeah, Smackle's definitely got game.

She beats Farkle every time.

You think he's gotten used to it by now?

(Groaning) It hurts.

Nope. Good thing we're there for him.

Being there for him is the most important thing we can be... melon balls.

Ooh.

Valiant effort as usual, my arch-Nemesis.

Perhaps a smoothie would take the sting out of my latest victory.

Yeah. Perhaps you're right.

I'll go see.

Smackle, you fool. You forgot how literal he is.

Farkle, I meant would you like to get a smoothie with me?

Isadora, what part of arch-Nemesis" do you not understand?

Farkle, you might find this hard to believe, but I am a significant amount of fun.

Would you like to see my fun face?

That would be of interest to me.

Proceed.

I'm doing it!

Well, Farkle, good job being smart and everything.

Thanks for coming, Riley. Sorry you had to see me lose again.

Wonderful debate, Farkle.

A memory that will live with me right up until the next thing happens.

Well, Smackle, good job being smart and everything.

(Robotically) I am sad.

What?

Farkle and I are perfect for each other.

Why does he prefer you?

I don't know.

If I knew, I'd stop.

Well, there's nothing left to do now but get a smoothie all alone and continue this good cry I'm having.

You're crying?

Yes.

A-wah a-wah.

I don't think that's actually...

(louder) A-wah a-wah...

(Mumbles gibberish)

Look, I am going to ask you something really fast and then I'm going to regret it.

You wanna come to my house?

Ooh.

Yes, I would like to come to your house.

There is much I can learn from you.

Oh, no! I already have a weird friend.

She means me.

Auggie?

Why-y-y?!

Does this have something to do with... ucch... Ava?

Ava!

Even when I think of her backwards she's still Ava!

Okay, tell me what happened right now.

She's through with me.

Oh! Yay!

Even when I think of it backwards it's still yay!

Okay, tell me what... ucch... Ava did.

(Hyperventilating) She said we might not be together for the rest of our lives!

Okay, deep breath, honey.

She thinks there could be...

Others.

Honey, of course. That's only natural.

No, it's not.

You're supposed to meet somebody and fall in love and be together forever.

Oh, honey, who put that crazy idea in your head?

You and daddy.

Huh. I wonder how many people the idea of Cory and Topanga has ruined.

Me!

Why do I have to be a part of your campaign to befriend every little woodland creature?

Which woodland creature am I in your mind?

You're like a little gopher...

Chipmunk combo deal.

Maya, Smackle needs our help.

Yes. I need you to teach me the equation for beauty.

Why?

Smackle loves Farkle.

Why?

But he prefers you both to me because you're both aesthetically pleasing.

I, on the other hand, am less aesthetically pleasing, but am superior in every other area.

Okay, so you want us to make you beautiful?

Yes, but I don't expect you to be able to change a trillion years of evolution in five seconds.

Let me know when it's four seconds.

Go.

I'm... pretty?

You're the hottest little gopher-chipmunk in the whole forest.

Who's the genius now?

(Unison) Stop it.

My outward appearance now seems to represent the current trends agreeable to the general populace.

Then why are you still talking like you don't know what you look like?

Ah, my speech. That's an easy fix.

I don't think so.

Awesome, like, giggle, question, omigosh.

Do you wanna lay that out again for us normals?

Observations reveal that if I merely insert awesome," "like," "omigosh," and giggle at everything like it's a question, I will assimilate into the general teenage population.

(Snickers) It's not that easy, Smackle.

E=mc2.

What did you do that for?

Like e" totally equals m.C.Squared!

(Giggles) Omigosh, awesome!

E=mc2.

I understand the universe.

(Mimic explosion)


Is this debate team?

No, it's the after-school male models' club.

Ha!

Ha!

I want to join.

(Weakly) Ha!

Shouldn't you be out hitting a home run or something?

We don't debate sports or cars.

Gentlemen, you're making assumptions, and my current assignment is to consider how assumptions lead to our ultimate downfall.

So let's not judge a book by its cover.

Looks like a book about baseball.

Lucas is my friend. Welcome to the team.

Ladies.

Farkle.

Maya, why are you wearing glasses?

They're Smackle's. I'm just holding them for her...

On my face.

We want to see if people will treat Maya differently now that she looks smart.

Hello, suddenly-approachable-woman.

What's your prescription?

Mine's 20/800. I can basically only hear you.

I don't have a prescription. Although I must say, you guys are looking a lot less blurry.

That's the nicest thing any girl's ever said to us.

I liked you better blurry.

That's the second nicest thing a girl's ever said to us.

I think you look nice any way you are, Maya.

Thanks. You wanna go out with us?

Out like out on a date"?

Aw, no. Out like out there with me and Riley because there's someone else we want to introduce you to.

Yep. We think you'll really like her.

I have a very specific taste in girls. Is she one?

Uh-huh.

That'll do it!

Presenting your date from the modeling runways of Paris, France... the new face of geek chic...

(French accent) Isadora Smackle.

Wow.

You made her over?

You know, just us girls playing with our hair and clothes.

Are you finally intrigued by me, Farkle?

I'm intrigued that my friends don't realize that you are an evil genius.

(Chuckles)

But a pretty evil genius, don't you think?

This is debate preparation, isn't it?

What?

The next debate is is beauty only skin deep?"

Smackle doesn't want to be like you guys.

Smackle only wants to win. You ladies have been played.

Is this true, Smackle?

Affirmative.

Riley, do I please have your permission to mess her up now?

Negative.

Smackle, did you assume this outward change in your appearance would not affect your inner self?

Of course it won't.

I am Smackle.

But look, four red nails and one blue one.

I don't know why.

That said, how could any outward change possibly affect the inner Smackle?

Hi, guys.

Wow, Smackle, you look great.

(Giggles)

Did that just come from me?

Smile at her.

Omigosh.

Omigosh, I just said omigosh."

Like, awesome. Question?

Are you okay, Smackle?

I don't understand what's happening to me.

Why don't you sit next to her, Lucas?

No one that's ever looked like you has ever sat this close.

Are you sitting here because you want to be my mate?

I'm sitting here because the seat was empty.

You smell like pine trees.

Thank you.

Our feet are touching.

You're doing that.

Hmm. Smackle, would you mind telling me, what is the square root of 36?

Who cares?

Excellent.

Lucas is on our debate team. Will that be a distraction to you?

Should be, yeah.

Good. Let's go.

We've got a debate to prepare for.

What have you done to me?

I'm broken. I'm pretty.

I'm confused.

We can put you back.

Oh, I'm not goin' back!

I'm not that confused.

Hi, Auggie.

Hi, Farkle.

Riley's not home.

So what are you doing sitting in the bay window?

I just wanted to see if sitting in the window would fix my woman trouble.

Riley always sits in the window.

But I think it only works for her.

What happened?

Ava said we might not be together forever.

And you expected that you would be?

Yes, because I'm only this many and I still have high hopes.

If you like her, she must be really something.

Oh yeah, she's really something.

You know, Farkle, we have a front door.

I know, but I'm here on business.

Okay, who's first?

I am.

Farkle, do you have an appointment?

No, I'm a walk-in.

I'm sorry, Farkle. Feel free to read one of our waiting room magazines.

We're jammed.

Go.

I want to be with Ava until I die.

She doesn't feel the same way?

She's vague, man.

She's messin' with my mind.

But it doesn't matter what she says, it matters is what she does.

Did she actually break up with you?

No.

What?! Wait a minute.

Auggie, I assumed you guys broke up.

Oh, mom. You should never assume. Didn't Dad teach you that?

Yeah, don't you get the home versions of these lessons?

You're married to the guy.

Of course I do.

There's just so many of them.

Oh no, I married feeny.

So how is Ava messin' with you?

She says we might not be together forever.

But she also says we might.

So you still have a girlfriend.

And I let you eat cake and whipped cream.

Hmm, so I had a pretty good day!

Next!

Yes?

I'm tortured.

What about?

Smackle's not gonna be at her best at the debate.

Why not?

Because you made her better.

Except you didn't.

You want us to change her back?

If we do, Farkle, you'll lose the debate.

I only want to beat her when she's really her.

She's the best arch-Nemesis I could ever have.

Otherwise, if you beat her, it doesn't count.

You're pretty smart, Maya.

Even without glasses?

You promised you'd change her back.

We tried.

She wouldn't go for it.

(Sighs)

I didn't want to win this way, Smackle.

I hope you enjoy being beautiful.

Oh, I do.

How the once-mighty have fallen.

The nation of Troy was charmed by a beautiful wooden horse.

They neglected to consider what was inside.

And they lost everything because of outer beauty.

Don't be fooled by a pretty wrapper.

I mean, who keeps the wrapping paper?

I wear ribbons.

Okay.

And our concluding statement will be made by Lucas Friar.

There can be absolutely no debate that the quest for outer beauty at the expense of one's inner self is a road to personal destruction.

People make assumptions.

I've been labeled a jock and a cowboy, and this is from my friends.

But here's a little secret.

I like school and I do pretty well.

You might look at me and assume baseball player.

I look at me and I know I'd better get good grades, because what's on the inside has to be more important than what's on the outside to get into a good college and into a good life.

Because beauty is not skin deep.

Thank you.

Omigosh, I'm like so totally unprepared and scared.

We finally got her.

Maybe that's what you would assume I would say, considering the effort I put into my appearance.

Uh-oh.

I'm here to argue today that beauty actually is skin deep.

So I've done some research and I've learned...

That it is.

When you get compliments from people who don't ordinarily compliment you, when people look at you differently, packaging does matter.

I wasn't pretty, then I was.

This is a world where pretty" seems better somehow.

Which is too bad, but it's not debatable.

However, I also learned that if you get swept up by what you are on the outside you can lose who you are on the inside.

Even though it is easy to be fooled by the beauty of a trojan horse, its real power comes from the army within... intelligence, compassion, integrity, courage.

That army is the real you, no matter what you look like.

So even though beauty may be skin deep, beauty is nowhere near as important as the army inside.

And I'll try not to forget that.

Well, look at all of you.

You're all very deeply beautiful.

Especially you, Farkle.

Thank you.

She beat us.

Yeah.

Thank you for taking me in.

I hope we can be friends.

Cool.

We've got a lot to learn from each other.

I continue to not understand anything.

That's what's so beautiful about you.

Valiant effort, Lucas, perhaps a smoothie would take the sting out of my latest victory.

Whoa whoa, back off, sister.

I actually think that Smackle is just enjoying some newfound confidence, Riley.

You know me too well, arch-Nemesis.

She was using you to make Farkle jealous!

(Chuckles) Well, that's a new one.

Tell me the truth, Farkle.

If Riley and Maya weren't beautiful, would you still love them?

They're beautiful?

Oh yeah, I never really noticed.