01x15 - Girl Meets Brother

Well, another year we're not going to be cheerleaders.

Why do you make me do these things?

Pom-poms are stupid and pyramids made of humans freak me out.

And what are these?

These are your legs.

Have you ever seen anything so white?

One time when I looked into the sun.

These need to be put away.

We have to go to Demolition right now and get clothes.

Because you know they're gonna find out we took these things.

But my curfew's in fifteen minutes.

But they're having a sale. Vintage t-shirts.

Ooh, I do love t-shirts that other people have already loved.

You are the only person I know that has to be home by seven.

It's ridiculous. They treat me like a baby.


Ma-ma da-da.

It's time I was treated like the woman I am.

I am going to Demolition!

That's the spirit!

You're not really coming, are you?


Wait. You know what? I am.

I am old enough to stay out past seven o'clock.

What's the damage for this, in your professional opinion?

Broken curfew? Chump change.

Whole thing blows over by Wednesday.

Worth it! Let's do this!

Great! See you Wednesday.

♪ I'm singing go-o-o-o. ♪

Come on, Auggie. Just pick a babysitter.

Why do you have to go anywhere?

Aren't you happy with me?

Knock it off, it's our anniversary.

All right, I'll give ya three hours. And bring me back an Auggie bag.

Okay, deal. All right.

So how about Shelly from down the street?

Smelly Shelly?

He's right.

How about Anna Stephonopoli?

"Wanna play monopoly?" No, Anna, I don't.

Okay? I don't.

I'm late, I'm late, I know I'm late!

Seven minutes.

Say nothing. Keep walking.

No. This is a thing.

Deal with your bad girl.

Okay, where were you?


It's an alternative store.

Where rebels go!

And I bought this t-shirt I don't think you'll entirely approve of. Bleh!


Uh, Riley, what's going on?

I am too old for a seven o'clock curfew.

I reject it!

Reject it! Reject it! Won't even respect it!

Didn't make the team again, huh?


Every year.

Okay, look, Riley, your father and I gave you a 7:00 curfew because we knew that even when you got all rebellious you'd still be home by 7:30.

- What?


So when you come in here at 7:07 acting all dangerous, it's hard...

(Laughs) I'm sorry.

I can't even keep a straight face. (Laughing)

What are you laughing at?

I'm outta control!

(Laughing) Maya, you couldn't keep her out any later than that?

I mean, what kind of bad influence are you?

You're right. I gotta up my game.

This'll look great in my room.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with changes, what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy, but I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing go-o-o, go-o-o ♪
♪ oh, take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪

I want to be taken seriously. I deserve a later curfew.

Okay, fine, but I'm your teacher, and I want you to get proper rest.

I don't want your schoolwork to suffer.

And I'm your attorney, so, please state your case, Ms. Matthews.

I submit to the court, 10:00.

The court laughs in your face.

The legal system is a joke!

Your new curfew is 8:00.

God bless America!

I want a later curfew too.


Where do you want to go at night?

Wherever you go.


Does that mean I can come to your nanoversary"?

Sorry, honey, mommy and daddy haven't been on a date for, like... three weeks and four days.

Guys, guys. It's not just the curfew.

I want you to think of me as more of a grown-up.

I have an idea.

Define grown-up."

I can go buy t-shirts whenever I want.

And how do you make the money to do that?

I don't have to. I'm a kid.

Riley, grown-ups have responsibilities.

Idea idea idea! Idea idea idea!

What's the matter, Auggie?

Is no one believing that the little kid could possibly have an idea about how we could raise our older child?

Let Riley be my babysitter.

Holy moly!

All hail August Matthews! Yeah!

King of apartment 26!

Long live me!


Auggie, you think your sister's ready for that kind of responsibility?

I would put my life in her hands.

Aww, Auggie, you really want me to babysit you?

Yes. I trust you.

Catch me!

Ten bucks an hour.

The king's on the floor.

Five bucks an hour.

Hey, Auggie, you really want Riley to be your babysitter?

Riley makes me smiley.

So, how'd you get mommy to go out with you?

We're married. She has to.

Should I get married someday?

If you find somebody like mommy.

What about Mrs. ducksberry?

Your kindergarten teacher?

Hubba hubba.

How's the tie coming along?

One bunny ear goes over the other bunny ear.

How do I look?

Like a shoe.

Great. Mama loves shoes.

Well, how do I look?


You look wow.

Wow is good?

Wow's amazing. When am I gonna look wow?

Oh, honey, you already do.

Yeah, but not with the bam! And the boom!

And the... you know.

Daddy's going to love the way you look.

Thank you, honey.

But you want to know one of the reasons I married your father?


He loves me no matter how I look.




And bam, boom!

Cory: Absolutely.

You look stunning.

Happy anniversary, Topanga.

You too, Cory.

What's up with the, uh...

Oh, Auggie did it.

It's magnificent.

No going to my room until I tell you, okay, Riley?


Aw, look at you two, all dressed up.

Going out for dinner?

Ba ba Sushi.

Ooh, you hipster!

And then a horse-drawn carriage and a play.

Ooh, you 80-year-old man.

And then jazz night at mudbone.

Now we're playin'!

That's why I married him.

Yeah, we're sophisticated adults.

With a sophisticated babysitter, right?

The kid's in good hands.

We're sure he is.

We trust you completely.

Good night.

Yeah, I don't believe this for a second.

I don't blame ya!

Yeah, let's talk.

Man, you just can't get out of here without the life lesson thing, can ya?

Oh, please, like I had something planned.


Say hello to your new best friend.

Hello, egg.

You gonna introduce us, Riley?

Okay, um, mom, this is Amanda mcscrambleface.

She is lovely.

Oh, mom, you, too?

Yeah, I'm with him.

Draw a face on her.

Okay, we're doing the whole take care of an egg" thing?

'Cause I've seen this.

Not the way we're gonna do it.

Yeah, there's a big twist at the end.

So, uh, tell us about your new friend, Riley.

What are her hopes, what are her dreams?

Amanda makes friends very easily.

Everybody likes her. She's a good egg.

We're going to go backpacking through Europe someday.

Wow. Okay, well, before you do, may I hold her?

Sure. She's a people person.

(In baby-talk) Hi, wiley's mom.

You wook wow.

Thank you, Amanda. That's very sweet.

Do it.

(In normal voice) No! What is the point of this horrible lesson?

This is an egg you knew for a minute.

We're giving you responsibility for our child.

We all love him. Don't drop him.

So, clean Amanda up and have a good night!


You're my real brother!

I can't breathe!

Okay! I fed ya.


I pajama'd ya.


I sent ya to the bathroom.


So, I get to see your room now?

It'll 'splode your brain!

- (Intercom buzzes)

Maya: What up, weirdoes?



Every babysitter needs a babysitter's best friend.

Come on up!

She shouldn't be here on our night.

Why can't it be our night with Maya?

I haven't showed you my room.

"Red planet diaries!"


Tonight's the season finale!

(Slow music plays on TV)

♪ Out here in space ♪
♪ I kiss your green face ♪
♪ But it feels like you're light years away. ♪

Narrator: Previously, on red planet diaries"...

Female voice: Oh, blarg. I know I'm from earth and not used to your martian customs yet, but I think I'm in love with your other head.

Male voice: But what's he have that I don't have?

Male voice #2: Uh, I'm right here.

I'm going to my room now. Riley, are you coming?

Yeah yeah, just gimme a sec.

Where's the train? We're gonna be late for dinner.

Man over pa: ...Broken down, all trains half hour late.

Thank you.

Pa: Thank you.

Maybe we can get a cab?


Looks like we're gonna have to miss our carriage ride.

No horseys? But it's our nanoversary."

We've been married fifteen years.

That's the longest anyone has ever been married to a Topanga.

I wanted to give you a night of romance and music.

(Synthesizer music playing)

That's really very good.

I appreciate it.

You should consider doing this for a living.

Thank you for changing my life.

It's really a beautiful song. What do you call it?

What's your name?


My name's Cory.

I'm calling it "Topanga."

Thank you. (Chuckles)

Female voice: Oh, blarg's other head, if only we could run off together, without...

You know...

Male voice on TV: Actually, there is a way.

(Woman gasps) What is it?!

Both: What is it?

(TV clicks off)

Both: No!

No more TV!

Auggie, we were watching that.

Give it back, runt!

You're a runt!

And you're the worst babysitter in the world!

You shouldn't watch TV when you babysit your brother!

Auggie, where are you going with that?

I'm going to throw it out the window!

You wouldn't dare.

I will do it!

I will do it, lady!

Aww, look at those two.

You think it's their nanoversary"?

Think she kissed him up against the lockers while they were handcuffed together?

Heh, well, that would make them a very exciting couple.

Oh, they are. And then she proposed to him.

At their graduation.

Will you marry me?

And he was very smart and said yes.

And they lived happily ever after.

Until their fifteenth anniversary.

When the subway didn't come.

Except good things come when you least expect it.

Like maybe I got that bracelet you had your eye on in my pocket.



Ring made of candy.


Topanga Matthews, will you marry me again?

Anytime you want.

Mmm! Mmm!

Blue raspberry!

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Who needs a play? We're in our own.


The only thing we didn't get was... horse-drawn carriage.

Excuse me. Um, it's our anniversary and we're weird.

Could I borrow your horsey for a minute?

Thank you.


Don't mind if I do.

Ho! Okay okay! Okay!

Thank you. Thank you.

There's only one thing that could make this night better.

You miss the kids?

I do.

I do too.

Let's go home and spy on 'em!

Shouldn't we trust Riley and Auggie that nothing will go wrong?

(Both laugh loudly)

Let's go home and spy on the kids!

Auggie: You're the worst babysitter in the world!

Riley: You're the worst baby in the world!

So we jump in now?

No, we have faith that she's gonna handle this like a mature adult, like we are.

Maya: You turned it off at the best part.

Easy there, put the remote down nice and easy and nobody gets hurt, buddy.

You're not my buddy.

You shouldn't even be here.

Auggie, what's the matter with you?

You're what's the matter with me.

You know what, Maya? You can have Riley.

She'd rather be with you anyway. She's your sister now.


This is the worst night ever!

Hi, buddy.

Having fun?

Are you home?

Why are you not fixing this?

Because, Auggie, Riley wants responsibility.

And it's important to let her try.

She has failed.

We believe that she won't fail.

Too late. Go yell at her.

You're really mad at her, huh?

I gave her to Maya, because she's bad babysitter Riley.

I know that doesn't rhyme, but I'm just so mad!

Auggie, it may seem bad right now, but I'll make you a bet... you're gonna want her back.

Fine. You lose, you make me a brother.


(Laughs) Hold on.

First we're gonna give her the opportunity to be a good babysitter, okay?

Then brother?

Brother anyway.

Now we'll never know if Ashley the astronaut ends up with blarg or blarg's other head.

Gee, if only something existed where we could type in a few words and...

It's not the same!

We were really looking forward to this night and Auggie ruined it.

I think Auggie could say the same thing about me, Riley.

He just wanted to spend time with you.

You're really lucky to have that.

I know. It's like we don't pay attention to the people who really care about us.


Get lost, Farkle, we can't pay attention to you right now.

But I feel like when we don't have school I'm not even part of the story.

There's someone who really cares about me, and I'm not letting him know that I care about him too.

Ooh, maybe I am part of the story.

And I really love the little guy.

And all he wanted to do was show me his room.

How did you know?

I gotta go talk to Auggie.

Well well, alone at last.

Yes, you are.

You know where to find me.

Okay, Mr. googly. You're my sister now.

Riley: But don't you want to give Riley one more chance?

No, it's you and me!

Oh, it's you.

I went into your room looking for you.

I saw what you did. I'm so sorry.

It could've been the best night ever.

Maybe it still can be.



How did you do this?!


Open late tonight and I have no curfew at all.

Now, where's all your treasure, matey?

We're being boarded by blondebeard!



Thanks for letting me stick around tonight, Auggie.

You're not such a bad pirate.

So, can we keep her?

Yeah. But you and me are brother and sister again.

Then who am I?

You're the one who walks the plank!

I can't swim!

You win.

No brother?

No. I'm the brother.


Ha! Ha!

Best anniversary night ever.

You, me and the kids.

And Farkle.

Do it.

(Gasps) It's beautiful!

Smells good.

What are we having?

Cory's breakfast special... scrambled eggs!


You cooked the entire mcscrambleface family?

Yeah. Yum yum. Eat 'em up.

That was Amanda's best friend.

She used to come in through her bedroom window every night, and they'd talk for hours.


That was mama mcscrambleface.

She used to look wow.

Who'd I get?

You got baby brother mcscrambleface.

He was my favorite.

You monster.

Out for pancakes?

(All cheer)