01x17 - Girl Meets Game Night

Family game night.

My favorite night of the month.

Just me, my family, and my 'jama pants.

Why do you guys have to make such a big deal about game night?

Because game night is sacred, Riley.


I know this is gonna come as a shock to you, but there's gonna come a day where you start to prioritize friends over your family.

What? No.

Did you tell them yet?

Did he freak? Did she tell you?

Did you freak? Show me what you did.

Freak out for me.

Why would I freak out?

I don't freak out.

What did you do?!

Family game night, now with extra family.

Well, hello.

Well, hello.

Auggie didn't want to miss game night.

We never made it out of the city.

Oh, here's your money.

Hey, this is a dollar.

I gave you a hundred.

With that kind of money, you think we're not gonna buy steaks?

Thank you, papa.

You know what?

My brother!

My brother!

Listen, you're here for game night.

You're family, you're in.

(Intercom buzzes) Farkle: Farkle.

Lucas: And Lucas.

Come on up. (Intercom buzzes)


It's happening.

I thought we had a few more years.

Calm down.

No calm.

It's happening right now.

Riley invited her friends to family game night.

Riley, shnookums.

Um, you're gonna have to start to prioritize what's more important to you, your family, huh?

Or your friends?

There is only one right answer.

Why do I...

Wrong answer.

...have to choose between...

Wrong answer.

I love my friends and I want to hang out with my friends.

(Knock on door)

Welcome to family game night, friends.

Wrong, wrong, wrong answer.

(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ for a day ♪
♪ like this to come ♪
♪ struck like lightning ♪
♪ my heart's beating ♪
♪ like a drum ♪
♪ on the edge ♪
♪ of something wonderful ♪
♪ face to face with ♪
♪ changes ♪
♪ what's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ but I know ♪
♪ I can work it out ♪
♪ 'cause I got you ♪
♪ to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "go-o-o" ♪
♪ oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ take on the world. ♪

Get rid of them.

Why do you have to be you all the time?

You think it's easy?

Say goodbye to your daughter, honey.

She has chosen her friends over her family.

Why can't we just play with her friends.

Because Topanga, the second she allowed Dr. Turtleneck and Mr. Howdy into our household, our family was compromised by interlopers.

Maybe we could just come back another time.

Oh, yeah, we don't have walls.

I told you we needed walls, Topanga.

Dr. Turtleneck, I presume.

How could you tell?

Oh, because... you just seem like a doctor to me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And you must be...


See this?

The family game.

The game for families.

Not the friends game, a game for friends.

I saw that game.

I didn't buy that game.

I bought this one because I used to have a family.

Will you stop?

How could she choose her friends over us?

I mean, did they burp her?

Did they change her diapers?

We haven't yet, but we will when she's old.

Speak for yourself, honey.

I know that I have the absolute love and loyalty of my children who like me fine and always will.

Everybody's here. Everybody plays.

Cory, flipping out is only gonna make things worse.

Do you really want to drive her away?

Yeah, Dad.

It's like what you were teaching today.

I was teaching about the American revolution, Riley.

How is this anything like the American revolution?


Let's think.

(Patriotic music playing)

The American revolution.

Imagine england as a father.

And America, it's child.

Knowing it's time to break away.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the revolutionary war.


It is I, king George III, ruler of the British empire.

Now, where is that rebellious John Adams?

Who dares chooses his American friends over his king?

Here I am!

John Quincy Adams.

Riley, uh, you're actually John Adams.

Who's that?

John Adams was the father of John Quincy Adams.

But our school is John Quincy Adams.

My school was John Adams.

Your school was the father of my school?

Does that make sense to you?

None of this does.

I'm also gonna be your teacher next year.

You're kidding me.

Now back to our story.

It is I, John not Quincy Adams.

Wait, why'd they name the school after this guy?

I mean, he must have done something.

He did. He did something, we're gonna get to it.

So, John Adams, where are your rebel friends?

With me as always.


Here's one right now.

Looking good, Georgie Washington.

John, you're embarrassing me.


Now, may I introduce, he is crazy smart, he's rocking granny glasses, the old kite flyer himself, Benjamin Franklin.

Maya: I'm not doing this.

Come on, we can't start the revolution without you.

Fine, but nobody look at me.

Okay, nobody look at Maya!

(Classmates laughing)

Why, Benjamin Franklin, can you feel the electricity between us?


When do we get rid of this guy?

Right now!

King George, the American colonies want their freedom.

You belong to me, and I will never let you go.

It's the king's law.

You belong to me until you're 18.

It's the law.

Whatever you say, king George.

Stop calling me that.

What's the matter?

Pops doesn't like pops' lesson?


Listen guys, not everything I teach you in class applies to our lives.

It does, every time, sir.

Okay, game is all set up.

We doing this thing, or what?



Do you guys even know how to play the family game?

Let me teach you.


Because I'm always here, and you can't get rid of me.

Always wins.

Always eats too much popcorn and says, "I'm never eating popcorn again."

(Muffled) But it's so delicious.

Would you be on my team, Uncle Josh?

Try and stop me.

Okay, I'll stop you. You're on my team.

He's my Uncle.

He's my husband.


It says here the goal is to get in to one of the four success squares with your teammate.

And then you win. It makes this sound.

(Horn sounds)

I win! Oh, it hasn't happened yet.

What's the big circle in the middle for?

Oh, we don't go there.

If even one person goes in there, then you have to play the long game.

What's the long game?

I don't know. We've never played it.

Intriguing. Should we find out?

No, it takes forever.

And you don't get to hear this.

(Horn sounds)

I win!

Oh, something's wrong with me.

(Doorbell rings)

I win! Oh, my goodness.

Now who could that be?

Hi, Auggie.

Hey, you're playing a game?

Can I be on your team?

You're on your own, pal.

My woman's here.

Sure, Auggie.

Bring your woman in.

Let's bring in everybody.

Why don't we put up signs on the telephone poles next to the cats and the dogs.

Matthews family game night.

Only not really, it's kind of everybody family game night.

Isn't it? Huh?

Isn't it?

There's the freak out.

Best show in town.

Do you feel better now, buddy?

I do, thank you.

Thank you.

Well, well.

Looks like everybody's all partnered up except for lil ol' us.


I could pick you.

Or I could pick you.

Or I could pick you.

Or I could pick you.

Yeah, well, you see, you represent homework and no fun, while you are so handsome it kind of makes my eyes hurt.

Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna be the game show host, is what I'm gonna do.

'Cause they stand.

And they move.

Hiya, partner.

Oh, boy.

And game show hosts make sure everyone follows the rules and plays fair.

Especially this one.



I'm doing this for us, baby.

Josh: Okay.

The object of this game is to create a family, protect it, and get safely through a world of obstacles that will test how strong your family is.

The winner of the short game is the first team to end up in one of the four success squares with a car and a house.

Get me a car and a house.

I'm trying.


Um, Maya and I up first. We'll go first.

Oh, says who?

Says the king of the castle.

Just because you're the king, doesn't mean you get to make all of the rules.

Oh, yeah?

That's actually the first rule in the king's handbook.

Well, it's been a lovely evening.

And now I need a hug from my mama.



What do you call your mama?


Try it out.


Nah, she'd put me in the shed.

You know what, Dad, you may be the king, but I am going first.


(Gasps) You are staging an act of open rebellion against your king.

You have left the colonies no choice but to break away from you and become independent.

Because you're fighting for the sake of your families.

And friends.

And family is the most important thing in the world.

And friends.

Riley, you don't think family should come first?

I cannot do this right now.

I am in the middle of a rebellion.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Let's see how your little rebellion fares against the might of the British empire.

Whoa, Farkle.

Where'd you get the cannon?

From my cannon guy.

Yes, general Washington.

You really have to wonder if the king wasn't so stubborn, could something have been worked out so America would still be in the British family?

A nation or a family, can only remain united if it's leaders govern fairly and address the needs of all of its members both old and young.

Well, I'm not gonna.

So let's get this party started.

Is this thing loaded?

It is now.

Happy fourth of July, everybody.

Maya, the war hasn't even started yet.

You're gonna love Boston.

Farkle: When am I going to Boston?

In five...

Four, three...

Four, five, six, and as usual I will choose the fatherhood path.

Bing, bing, bing, bing.

And the pink square means...

I get a daughter.

Actually sir, Farkle and I already own that square.


So, your daughter's ours.

Excuse me.

Let him talk.

According to the game, we get your daughter.


She's not Riley Matthews anymore, my brother.

She's now Mrs. Dr. Howdy Turtleneck.

Uh, sir, you're holding on a little tight.

You really need to let go, sir.

You killed my daughter.

My turn.

I pick six.

Uh, Ava you need to roll the dice.

One, two, three four five six.

Josh, objection.

I'm going to allow it.


Because she cracks me up.

I get a...

Make your own luck card.

Take over someone's family business.

Choose one player to send back to start.

I choose...


One Topanga, two Topanga, three Topanga, four.

Five Topanga, six Topanga, seven Topanga, or...


Wee! Poom!

This stinks.

This had to be done, mommy.

It's okay, my lovebug.

Luckily, my team always wins.

And my teammate has a turn, and I'm sure she's going to use it to help me.

Right, Riley?


Mom, I really hate to do this but I have a go to Europe with a friend card.

And you're all the way back there.

And I've never been to Europe.

I want to go to Europe.

Get off my back!

Wait, you're leaving me?

Mom, it is not personal, I just got this card and...

Wait, you're leaving me?

Here it comes.

I am your mother.

I have your absolute love and loyalty.

What do you think you're talking to him?

Hey, Farkle.

How do you that again?



Now you run, sir.

No, actually now I go right over here which is exactly where I belong.

Well, this game just got real.

Will the daughter go off on her own or does the mother hold on to her forever?

I'm sorry, mommy.




Mom, I am just playing a game.

Isn't that what you want me to do?


Not without me.

Hey, Topanga.

You and me.

You and me.

Let's win this thing.

You and me.

Let's win this thing.

You and me.

I just want to go home.

You and me.

It's way past our bedtime.

Both: Yeah!

Okay, we have a five minute break for new team strategy talk.

Which means we can not waste a second.

What do you got?

You're destroying your parents.

That's the object of the game.

(Sighs) Oh, come on, Maya.

It's not like we're actually going backpacking through Europe.

We should definitely go backpacking through Europe.

And we'll bring Lucas and Farkle to Europe.

Yeah, and we'll bring your parents.

Why would you want to bring my parents?


I get it.

This isn't a game to them at all, is it?

No, it isn't.

Then how do we possibly win?

You don't win.

You just play with them, Riley.

It's game night.

Their favorite night of the month.

I just thought you get more time with them.

She's 12, and she's gonna be gone in a blink.

He's five, and already been married for 20 years.

He gets that from me.

Listen Topanga.

We've been a team all our lives, so now we're a team in this game.

That's not so bad, is it?

You just get so much of her and you do such a great job teaching her, she's so much like you.

I just want to know that I've made an impression on her.

Every parent I know who has kids this age tells me this is when they head towards their friends.

But eventually, they make their way back.

Oh, look at that.

They're already back.

Break's over. Game on!

Game over. God bless America.

How could you do this?

My kingdom.

I have nothing left.

Actually, you still have India, Ireland, Australia, Shakespeare, dickens, and the Beatles.

Oh, yeah.

Who needs you anyway?

You know you do.

The revolutionary war ended in 1783 leaving a rift between england and the United States.

But we love each other now, though, right?

We do, but it took some time.

In fact, it wasn't until 1814, when another American helped mend that relationship.

His name, Riley, was John Quincy Adams.


That's what the kid did.

Cory: That's right.

See, it took the next generation to bring everybody together.

So people that go to war can actually become friends?

Revolution is a short moment in time.

But if you play the long game correctly, everybody can end up just where they're supposed to be.

Someone has to get a 12.

Anything but a 12.

Nobody throw a 12.


Oh, thank goodness. It's over.

No, it's not.

I'm not going for the success square.

I'm going for the circle in the middle.

We are going to play the long game.


You could win.

Dude, why would you do that?

Because tonight the family game is not about winning.

Uh, say what?

Mom, I was only trying to beat you because I want you to be proud of me.

You do?

Yeah, I want to be like you.

You do?

A killer shark who always wins?

That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

So tonight, let's find out what happens when you play the long game.

I'm never gonna see my mama again.

I wanted someone to land on the success square.

I kind of wanted to hear (Horn sounds)

I win! Seriously, help me.

In the long game, the players all play together to conquer the game itself.

So we're all on one big team then?

If you'll let us be.

And Dad, I promise that nobody is going anywhere.

Well, Riley, you know what?

If these are the people you've chosen to leave us for someday, they're welcome to play with us anytime.

You've made some wonderful choices.

You're gonna buy the friends game?


Can we play that one with you guys?

Anytime you want.

You're a good king.

You're a good John Quincy Adams.

Oh, the kid who brought everyone together.


Told you.

(Horn sounds)

Who's joining us?

We are.

Well, birds are chirping.

Sounds of a sleepy city coming to life as the sun peeks its smiling face...

Yeah, okay.

...upon 8 tired game players.

And if Auggie Matthews can roll a two, then we will finally find out what happens when you win the long game.

Nobody can roll a two.

We pick two.

You know what, Ava?

I finally like you.


(Game chimes)

That's it?

(Game chimes)

(Game whirs)

Hold on.

(Mystical music plays)

And as everyone is joined together, we see that in the long game, friends become family.

It's not a game at all.

What is it, mommy?

It's life.

Life is the long game?

Yeah, bubba.

Life is the long game.


You do understand I'm too old for you?

I do, Josh.

I know that.


But I'm in it for the long game.

Yeah, me too.

(School bell rings)

I'm glad we're all friends again.

Yeah, I'm glad I can take this off.

It's amazing that people so close can go to war.

Take off your crown.


Luckily, it's all history and not our real lives.


We're having family game night tonight.

You guys want to come?

Sure, thanks, I'd love that.

Take off your crown.


I'd love that, thank you.

So you're never going to take off your crown?


Don't you think you should ask your Dad?


What could possibly go wrong?