03x16 - Girl Meets Her Monster

(Music playing on computer)

Both: ♪ Out here in space ♪
♪ I kiss your green face ♪
♪ But it feels like you're light years away ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Announcer on laptop: You have completed episode 66 of Red Planet Diaries. Episode 67 starts right now.

Topanga: Are you kidding me?

Both: ♪ Out here in space ♪

It's Friday night. We can do whatever we want on Friday nights.

♪ But it feels like ♪

We can stay up as late as we want on a Friday.

It's Monday morning!

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

Can you get us a snack?

You have spent three days in the bay window without moving!

Go to school!

But we're on episode 67.

We still have four episodes to go.

We must rewatch all of them before tonight's finale.

Topanga: Why must you?

The Girl: Ma! That's not an answer.

Maya: Ma!

Topanga: I'm not your ma.

Maya: Not my ma!

We love Red Planet Diaries! What do you love?

I love working hard to achieve positive changes in the human condition.

And we're exactly the same!

Now leave us alone, we got four more episodes.

(On laptop) ♪ Out here in sp... ♪

Topanga: Out! Go to school!

The Girls: Enjoy your little victory, mother.

Maya: Yeah!

But we can still watch the last four episodes after school before tonight's finale.


No, you can't.

I told you I need your help at the bakery after school.

Well, I'm sorry, but we are unavailable.

Well, that would be a problem if I were asking you, but I'm not asking you, I'm telling you... that you will be at the bakery immediately after school, end of conversation.





(Theme music playing)

♪ I've been waiting ♪
♪ For a day like this to come ♪
♪ Struck like lightning ♪
♪ My heart's beating like a drum ♪
♪ On the edge of something wonderful ♪
♪ Face to face with changes ♪
♪ What's it all about? ♪
♪ Life is crazy ♪
♪ But I know I can work it out ♪
♪ 'Cause I got you to live it with me ♪
♪ I feel all right ♪
♪ I'm gonna take on the world ♪
♪ Light up the stars ♪
♪ I've got some pages to turn ♪
♪ I'm singing "Oh, oh, oh" ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪
♪ Take on the world ♪

Lemme 'splain our relationship as I understand it.

You and I do anything for each other that we ask each other to do.

Riley: You and I are going up against Topanga.

Lemme 'splain our new relationship... see ya!

Riley: Maya!

This isn't about Red Planet Diaries or the bakery.

Riley, do what your mother wants.

This is about reaching the age where we determine what's important.

I am not afraid of my own mother.

Why does she have this effect on people?


Very bad, very bad, very bad, very bad, very...

You! What did you do?

She called you?

Cory: She didn't have to! I sensed it as soon as the sky turned black!

And you! How did you let this happen? You're supposed to be her best friend!

People think we're friends?

Ha! People!

Where do I sit? I sit here now.

Fine. I'm the Maya now. The way it always shoulda been.

Riley, apologize to your mother and do whatever she asks.

Yeah. The finale's probably not even gonna be any good.

Riley: You guys aren't even watching it?

Are you crazy?

Farkle: Red Planet sleepover at my house!

Lucas: I'm bringin' s'mores!

Riley, let it go. You can't win this.

What is the matter with everybody?

This is normal, healthy teenage rebellion. This is supposed to happen.

I'm right on schedule. How could this go wrong?

Educate her, Hambone.

Cory: Chapter One: Crushing defeats. Godzilla... versus Japan.

Japan loses, Riley.

Cory: Really loses.

Farkle: Tell her how bad they lose.

They lose so bad their voices come out of their mouths three seconds later.

How does that compare to what's going on here?

Because what's going on here is Godzilla versus Riley.

You're Riley.

I'm a teenager. I'm in high school, I have rights, and it's time that I said so.

I'm Riley. I'm a walnut. I'm in high school.

I have rights, and it's time that I said so.

And now there's this.

Mommy is not a hammer.

I know what I married.

So you just happened to have a hammer in your desk.

Oh, yeah. That's a new thing that's gonna happen now.

Whatever I need is gonna be right here in this desk.

This isn't just Godzilla versus Riley.

This is Godzilla versus Riley and her faithful sidekick Maya.

Ring power!

I don't do that.

Thank you, come again.

Thank you, come again.

Thank you, come again.

Auggie: Gee, Mom, it must be tough when your oldest child lets you down, and you don't have any other children to give all of your love. Oh, wait, here's one now.

Hi, Mommy!

Auggie, she's on her way.

She'd be very foolish to be anywhere else.

(Music playing on laptop)

♪ Out here in space ♪
♪ Out here in space, yeah, word, huh ♪
♪ I kiss your green face ♪
♪ I can kiss your green face, unh! ♪
♪ But it feels like you're light years away ♪
♪ Yeah, light years away ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ Hee, hee, hee, la, la, word! ♪

Riley, are you sure about this?

I'll tell you what I'm sure of, little Maya.

There comes a time in the life of every young person where they stand up and say, "I am me."

And if I'm wrong, then it's up to the world to say so.

Announcer: Red Planet Diaries, episode 67, A Mother's Vengeance!

The one where the teenage daughter stands up to her mother and says, "I am me."

Sheer coinkydink. Let's watch.

Announcer: Special note: This show contains scenes of graphic violence, and is also Amber Tweddington's final episode.

It's just TV, Maya. You and I, we're real life.

Okay, let's go with that. How would the two be different in this case?

TV's all exaggerated, it's all too big for no reason.

But here in real life, a mother's reaction to her teenage daughter asserting a newfound sense of maturity could only go good.

(Door squeaking open)

We're on TV!

Oh. Okay!

You are now just as much a part of this as she is, accomplice.

I told her she should be with you.


Whole Maya Hartedly!

Is this true?

Riley: She said, "Are you sure you should be doing this?" and I said, "Yes," because the time has come where I should be able to make my own decisions.

Uh-huh. And so you decided to not show up at the bakery. That was your first decision?

Tonight's finale is a very big deal in the lives of my generation.

You could record the finale.

Oh, we are!

(Cracks neck) Maya, leave!

Maya would never...

Aw, you scared my friend away.

(Loudly) I would like to, at this time, thank you for all you do and give you this card to lift your spirits, because you're so disappointed in Riley.

Okay, Auggie, thank you.

The card has a dollar in it. All you do is give, give, give to Riley, and I've given you a dollar.

Think about it.


Auggie: (Normal voice) Think about it. Riley...

Topanga: Was I not a good child?

You were a very good child.

Riley: Am I not a good person?

Get there.

Riley: I believe I am entitled...

Ooh, what was that you just said?


That word that you just used. What was it?

I believe I am entitled... to be in charge of my own life now.

Uh-huh. And I believe I am entitled to ground you for two weeks, but I'm not going to do that.


Topanga: I'm going to ground you for three weeks.

You sat in the bay window for three days. No computer, no phone, no finale.

You sit here, and you think about how maybe you are a good person now, but it's because your parents raised you right.

And we helped you make all of the right decisions, except for this one!

Raised you right!

Because that's what ending with the entitlement you believe you're due.

So, you sit. And you think. And if you think correctly, at the end of three weeks, I'll get an apology.

Hey, you. Go home. She's grounded.

Maya: Okay.

Okay. I thought about it.

You can do this?

The greatest finale in the history of television!

And Farkle didn't even guess what happened!

Zay: And he didn't spoil it for me, Lucas, or anybody!

I brought s'mores!

It was too good! I could never spoil anything that good!

Both: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!

Even I didn't guess that Blarg was the human and everybody else was the Martian!

(Both scream)

You didn't see it?

How could you have not seen it?

You watched every episode to prepare.

I was grounded.

You? But you're Riley.

Godzilla took my laptop.

What about your phone?

She took that, too, Godzilla's crafty.

Maya: She took my phone, too.

How could she take your phone?

Godzilla knows no boundaries. She's Godzilla.

Okay... that's my wife we're talkin' about.


So she might hear!

How could Blarg be a human if he had two heads?

And if his name was Blarg?

And if he was green?

He wasn't! Everybody else was!

It was the audience who was mind wiped! Brilliant!

We missed it. We missed the greatest moment of our lives.

All right, she needs me, time's up, back where you belong.

Sometimes the battle just isn't worth fighting.

A diplomatic solution might be preferable to the horrible cost of war.

I would like to begin with peace talks.

Is this an apology?

This is a diplomatic solution.

May I sit at the table?

Why don't we let her sit down and see what she has to say?



I understand that you wanted me at the bakery because it was important to you.

You understand that I wanted to do something else that was important to me, even though you didn't see the value in it.

Bad road, Riley.

You don't care about what's important to me.

You only care about what's important to you.

It's good to see her again, huh?


Really bad bumpy dirt road, Riley, with no lights and a cliff, and some sort of weird hitchhiker with a banjo!

Turn around now!

You say I'm not entitled to feel this way?

The name of the bad road is Entitlement Avenue, and right now, you are on the corner of Entitlement Avenue and All About Me Boulevard.

Guess who's house is there?

I've been a really good person my whole life.

If you ground me the one time that I do something that you don't like, where is my reward for doing something good on all the other days?

Godzilla's house!

And look! Godzilla's come to say hello!

You think you deserve a reward for being a good person, that we should celebrate your goodness. Would you like a parade?


I suspect that's a trap.

No, it isn't. I think she's knows that she's being unreasonable.

And I think this is a very big moment for all of the kids in the world.

I don't wanna see you right now.


You heard your monster.



That is unfair.

No! I'll tell you what this is, this is disrespectful.

I'll tell you what is fair.

While you live under our roof, when we ask you to do something, you do it!

Do you understand?

But I'm such a good person, how could something like this be happening?

I'm just as surprised as you are!

Don't be. This is where we demonstrate strength, confidence, and trust in her upbringing that will get her to the right decision.

Maybe it's time I didn't live under this roof anymore.

Oh, come on, Riley.

You're a good kid!

Parents pay for that with food, clothing, love, and shelter.

Did you forget about that? You have no job, no money, and everything you own, we gave you.

Fine. You can have them back. I have $17 in my pocket and my boundless spirit.

Okay, honey. This is the move you wanna play now?

You're about to find out that your spirit has bounds.

That's just great, Riley, you just drove off a cliff.

What kind of rat hole at the bottom of a cliff, are you gonna find for $17?

(Knock on door)

Hi, honey, I'm home.

What happened?

We're roommates!

Like we always wanted, yay!

This is the happiest day of my life.

You are me forever.

Doin' what we want.

Whatever we want.

Whenever we wanna do it.

What's the first thing you wanna do?

Go home and be loved, but my parents don't love me anymore.

They love you forever.

They took everything, Maya. I have nothing.

All I have is my bunny nightlight, Horatio P. Hare.

What's the "P" stand for?



Call me poor little Riley.

Poor little Riley.

I need to prepare myself for my new life.

I need to read Oliver Twist, get gloves with no fingers, and see Annie.

Yeah, and if this is your only outfit, then what did you plan on wearing to school tomorrow and for the rest of your life?

Well... I was hopeful that you would lend me one of your old outfits just until I got myself on my feet, and... began my job search.

Just give me any old thing that you're not using anymore.

How do I look?


Okay, so what job are you gonna interview for first?

Editor of Vogue?

That's your first job out of school?

I believe I'm qualified.

What's on your resume?

Editor of Vogue?

Maya: Then welcome to Vogue!

Oh, really, I got it?

What are you gonna do first?

Call my mom and tell her, because I want her to be so proud of me.

Oh, honey.

Let it out.

Riley: I want to go home, Maya.

I hurt my mom.

But I can't go home.

Maya: Why not?

Because I don't want her to win.

Riley, your mother is the strongest, smartest woman I know.

This isn't gonna break her.

Nothing can break her.

I'm dying.

Cory: You're not dying.

Mommy's dying?

Cory: She's not dying.

Riley is my entire reason for being.

Well, you still have me.


Am I not enough for you?


That's honest.

Okay, I just need to stop thinking about this.

I'm just gonna go to sleep.

Where do I sleep, please?

Oh, we can sleep in my bunk beds.

Ooh, you have bunk beds? Where?

You get the lower!

The lower is taken.

I surrender. I apologize. I'm sorry. I was wrong.

I love you. I'm an idiot.

I accept your apology.

But I agree with the idiot thing.

Where's Mom?


I surrender. You are a good person, and you're the best daughter anyone could have.

Thanks, not my ma.

Not you. Where's Riley?

She went to apologize to you.

She's been crying all night. She felt horrible.

I would've called to tell you, but, oh, hey, I can't.

Oh. Yeah, okay.





We wanna play, too.

Perhaps there is something you would like to say to me?

No, please, you first.

After you.

I couldn't possibly. After you.


Okay, maybe I'm not really entitled to anything... but I know that I would never want to hurt you.


When something's important to you, I should really respect your feelings.

I should never have let it get to this point, even though you were wrong.

That doesn't matter. Yes, it does.

Riley, do you know the difference between Martians and human beings?

The thing human beings are entitled to is to make a wrong decision every once in a while.

And I hope that being wrong or right doesn't matter as much as remembering how much we mean to each other.

I love you, Riley.

Topanga: I love you, too.

Am I still grounded?

You are so grounded.


Thank you for everything.

I'm still your favorite, right, Dad?

Whatever you need, son.

Can I be grounded?

Ah, sure, why not?


Well... we got outta that one, huh?


You know you're Godzilla.


(Knock on door)

You okay?

I am alone, I am forgotten. Nobody cares about you when you're grounded.

The time is gonna pass quickly.

You're serving your sentence with honor.

Thank you, Mom.

♪ Out here in space I kiss your green face ♪

Friends: ♪ But it feels like you're light years away ♪


(Door opens)