01x08 - The Roll Over

Listen, if you're having any second thoughts, you want to call this off, now is the time.

I don't want to call it off.

So no "We're going anywhere" last looks.

No tears, no "I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow."

Nothing that anybody can look back on.

Look, I know how to play my part.

After you force me to open up the safe, you can't go straight for the cash box.

You got to grab some of the other sh1t, too.

Yeah? Like what?

Anything.

It can't look like you got tipped off what to take.

Take the cash box last.

That'll be my signal to go for the shotgun.

I'll try not to fire.

You know how adrenaline can be.

Yeah, well, you won't get a shot off, but thanks for the concern.

You just worry about making it all look good for the camera and making sure you're alone.

I'll be alone.

Katie: What I told you about Amanda's mother is true.

Her name was Alice.

She was my friend.

What I did not tell you was she was a grifter.

After she died, Amanda moved in with Marius and me.

A few months later, Marius... found another partner and took off.

He'd say it was because I lost focus, but...

I think it was because of the way he grew up.

He didn't like the idea of a kid-around life.

Anyway, I got off the grift.

I met you.

And I never saw him again.

I swear to God I never saw him again until he showed up here a few days ago.

You could be conning me right now.

No, no. No.

Don't touch me. Don't...

But...

I swear to you that this... is real. Okay?

You are what... is important to me.

Listen, Pedro, I love you.

You know what's real right now, honey?

What?

What's real is the cop we have tied up in the basement.

When Marius calls, we can let him go.

The cop does not care about us.

I swear to God...

How do you know that?

It seems to me... we let him go.

Best case... prison, my business destroyed, and Family Services takes Amanda.

No.

I won't let that happen.

[phone buzzes]

[buzzing]

[door closes, lock latches]

Hey.

Hey, Pete.

I'm just going out.

Where to?

I was gonna go, uh, go see my friend... you know, the married one.

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought... I thought maybe... you were going out to slash another one of my tires.

Huh?

The liquor store across the street... they have a security camera.

I saw you.

Why?

[gulp]

f*cking why, huh?

Why? Don't you f*cking say that it was about this trunk thing because I already apologized to you for that, okay?

[breathing heavily]

Porta-Potty.

What? What?

f*cking what?

When I was leaving the bar that night, all I could think about... was the time you tipped over the Porta-Potty while I was in it.

W...

Okay.

f*ck me. I was an asshole to you when we were kids.

But we're not f*cking kids anymore, Pete.

I could lose my f*cking career over this.

Yes, you are.

What?

Still a kid.

What are you... What?

I might have slashed your tire.

That's shitty, but it's what I did.

What I didn't do was make you beat the piss out of that kid.

Who are you?

[door opens]

What the hell is wrong with you two?

Nothing.

It was all a misunderstanding.

You're family, for Christ's sakes.

There's nothing in the world more important than that.

[line ringing]

f*cking animal.

Eddie: Marius?

Eddie?

Wait a minute. How'd you get a phone?

I told Karolina if I didn't talk to you that I was out.

Eddie, this is... this is really dangerous.

He's f*cking killing me, man.

Look...

I know you're scared, but I'm going to have the cash tomorrow, all right?

I'm going over to this crooked lawyer.

He's got the hundred thousand.

Look, I'm not calling for a pep talk, all right?

I am literally over it.

I just want to let you know I'm not letting them cut any more pieces off me, man.

What's that mean?

It means next time I'm fighting back.

I'm pretty sure I can get a knife from under the bar.

Eddie, don't be stupid.

They'll kill you.

You understand me?

Yeah. Well, they're gonna have to.

Listen, you better stick to the f*cking plan.

Otherwise, we're all dead.

I'm sticking to the plan.

I'm sticking to the f*cking plan.

I just want to let you know that if for any reason you don't beat the clock...

I'm... I'm gonna beat the clock.

I'm telling you. That's what I'm saying.

What if you don't?

Just go.

Just go, man.

They're going to kill me one day anyway, Marius.

f*ck it.

It might as well be tomorrow.

Eddie, don't... Can you...

I got to go.

[click, dial tone]

f*ck. f*ck.

[spit]

[flush]

You were in there a while, Eddie.

I was just...

I don't know how many times I got to tell you guys.

If it's a big one, take it upstairs.

Christ, did you even spray?

No. There was...

Look at you. You look like sh1t.

Yeah.

What's going on?

I feel...

What is it, first night back jitters or something?

Maybe. Maybe.

All right.

Well, just relax, okay?

This is probably inevitable.

Look, I'm gonna put Tate on the big table.

You can deal razz to those English pricks.

No. No.

I'm gonna ease you back in.

Yeah, that's what we're going to do.

You sure?

I need your head right before dealing to Mukherjee. Tomorrow night, all right?

All right, yeah.

You feel okay?

Yeah. I...

I'm depending on you.

All right.

All right, come on, the rest of you, let's go.

We got folks coming in a few minutes.

♪♪ [drum beat]

♪ It's getting hot around here ♪
♪ I keep tryin' to just make my way ♪
♪ It's no lyin' ♪
♪ I'm only tryin' ♪
♪ Just trust in me ♪
♪ Trust in me ♪
♪ Just trust in me ♪
♪ Trust in me ♪
♪ Just trust in me ♪

[grunt]

[chatter]

[chatter]

... Expressing... you're praising the Lord today.

It's so pretty.

I got to go.

That's convenient.

What?

Where?

Uh, town. I'm meeting some friends.

How are you getting there?

Well, I was hoping to get a ride from either Grandpa or Taylor, but obviously that's a no-go.

Since when do they pass up Sunday brunch?

Your grandfather's at the office, and Taylor's busy.

Too busy to save his immortal soul?

Funny.

But not the part where you burn in hell.

I liked the sermon this morning.

Oh, nice pandering.

I'm serious.

Okay, okay, first off, it was a homily.

Sermons are for Protestants.

Filthy heathens.

We're glad you came.

I was glad to be included.

While you're here, would you mind looking at some paperwork for me?

No such thing as a free brunch.

We have to pick up the kids from my folks.

On it. Stay with Audrey.

Earn some Brownie points.

Can I get a ride?

I mean, I can always hitch.

Maybe get picked up by some harmless-looking guy in a panel van.

Go get ready. Wheels up in five minutes.

Thank you.

I'll be at the car.

Meaning you'll be having a cigarette.

I'll be having a cigarette.

Ohh now.

You smoke?

Only crack.

Hey, I got to talk to you about something.

But it's not good.

There you are.

I had a dream about you.

Yeah? Hope a good one.

There was some kind of... disaster... nuclear, maybe, I don't know.

[muttering]

Seemed like the whole world was burned.

And I was looking for you.

I couldn't find you, and I was...

I was calling your name.

So not a good one.

You've been working too hard.

So why don't we stay in bed all day?

Order some food in.

Watch movies.

What? What is it?

It's Sunday.

Yeah. I know what day it is.

Yeah, it's Marius' deadline.

Yeah. I know that, too.

If you ruin Eddie's hands, you'll never get a chance to expose Mukherjee.

So you want me to give Eddie a pass.

Yeah.

Hey, tell me something.

Yeah.

I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.

Of course.

Do you still care about Marius?

No.

Marius ran.

Leaving you with me.

Maybe I should thank him. You know?

Well?

Well, what?

Well, isn't there any part of you that has a bad feeling about this?

You thought Lance was cheating on you with some lady named Victoria.

I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Victoria's a character he created to scam Grandma.

Do you have any idea how f*cking preposterous that sounds?

That doesn't make it untrue.

Carly, move it!

Lance claims to have lost more money than Audrey on that deal, yet he's buying a boat.

Where is he getting the money from?

For f*ck's sake, let's ask him.

Ask a question, you get an answer.

That doesn't necessarily get you the truth.

I can get you the truth.

I just need a day.

That's it?

That's it.

And one more thing.

[door opens]

Can I help you?

Ex...

Ex-ex-ex...

Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.

This is private property. You can't just sit here.

Hello.

[dialing]

Yeah. Chayton. Chayton.

This is Otto Bernhardt.

Listen...

Well, there's a fellow here in my office, and he refuses to leave.

In fact, he refuses to even talk.

I suspect that he's here on your behalf.

Actually, he's there for you, to help you make sure nothing happens to my money.

Yeah, but that's... that's... that's really not necessary.

I'll see you in the morning after my case is dropped, when I come to get what's mine.

Whew. That's better.

Good to get out of those church clothes.

I tried cleaning this up, but he about bit my head off.

That's what marriage is, mostly... putting up with each other's sh1t.

[doorbell rings]

You expecting anyone?

I am.

[knocking]

[door opens]

I'm sorry to interrupt...

Hi.

... but, uh, this gentleman says he's here to see you.

Ah. Dr. Barrett.

You met my grandson?

Just now.

Yeah, if you need me, I'll be in my room.

Thank you, Pete.

And this is my attorney: Lance Lord.

I believe these are yours.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Hi. How are you?

Thank you for doing this on a Sunday.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Don't mind if I do.

Yeah.

To be honest, I'm a little fuzzy on what this is we're doing.

Uh, Dr. Barrett's made an offer on the farm.

An offer to buy it.

I've accepted.

I just need you to review these terms.

I represent supplies in the farm-to-table business.

We buy non-working farms and get them working again.

Okay. Um...

Dr. Barrett, if you can give us a moment, I need to confer with my client.

Lance...

It's just a quick chat.

If you don't mind.

It's, uh, it's okay.

Of course.

Uh, take all the time you need.

I'll be, uh, outside.

Lance: Does Otto know about this?

The deed's in my name.

After the stroke, we transferred it all to me.

Audrey, this sale's a mistake.

The market's sh1t right now.

It's better to ride it out.

I need the money now.

Because of the investment.

Yes.

I need everything I gave to Victoria, and I can't tell you why.

Well, I'm your attorney.

I'm exactly who you do tell.

What if I loan you the money?

In cash?

Yeah.

Now?

[chuckle]

How could you possibly...

A while back, I put some money into a dance club in Hartford.

A couple days ago, the other investors bought me out in cash.

[phone rings]

Uh...

Bernhardt Bail Bonds. This is Audrey.

Tell him it's Otto. You need privacy.

Oh, Hi, hon. Uh, could you hold on a sec?

Um, it's Otto.

Would you mind stepping out a moment while I lie to my husband?

Thank you, Lance.

Porter said Lance pulled you into a sidebar.

Is everything okay?

Pete, it's over. We won.

Wait. W-What does... What does that mean?

Lance offered me the cash.

Oh.

Great.

You bet your ass it's great.

Our con was so good, we got paid in phase 1.

Not bad for first timers.

Uh, yeah. We're naturals.

I mean, technically, Lance won, but... but the important thing is that you got the money back, so that's good.

Hold on. Hold on. W...

What do you mean, Lance won?

It's called a Jesus con.

We never talked about this?

A guy lights your house on fire, and then he shows up in the nick of time to put it out, making himself your savior.

A con man's not always after money.

Julia will think he's the hero.

She'll never believe my side.

But the important thing is you got the money, so...

What if I turn it down?

Why would you turn it down?

If I do... can we still con him?

Grandma, let's just think about this for a second.

A bird in the hand is worth...

No.

He doesn't get to win.

Farm-to-table, huh?


[phone rings]

[ring]

Hey.

Julia: How's it going?

Oh, it's okay. What's up?

Your parents want to hang on to the kids a little longer.

I told you, you have to beat them off with a stick.

So I'm thinking an afternoon without the flesh anchors.

Let's do a little day drinking.

I could certainly use one.

Everything okay?

Oh, fine.

How about that place down by the marina?

Sunday's all day Happy Hour.

I love it. Uh, I need to finish up here.

Give me an hour?

I may have to start without you.

It's one of the reasons why I love you.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

Okay.

Gentlemen.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Dr. Barrett, I'm ready to sign the papers.

You have been a terrible drinking buddy.

Why?

You've barely said two words since you got here. You're so quiet.

I'm sorry.

What was that, uh, legal stuff that Audrey wanted to talk to you about this morning?

Nothing. Just estate planning.

[laughing]

Hey, listen, uh, there's no reason we should both be here waiting for the check.

Why don't you go get the kids?

And I'll see you back at the place.

Sure.

[ting]

Cheers.

Hey, guys.

So what are we celebrating?

You guys being perfect strangers this morning and now fast friends?

How are you planning on robbing Audrey?

No, no...

No, no, no, no, Lance.

You got it all wrong.

There's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Okay, then, Cousin Pete, explain.

Let's hear a perfectly reasonable explanation for how you came to be sitting here celebrating with the man who just bought your grandmother's farm for a price that would be insultingly low if the place were currently on fire.

Get you anything?

I'm good.

Okay.

Come on, fellas. You're caught.

You can waste time trying to deny it, or we start to talk about what it's going to take to get me not to turn you in.

Gentlemen.

Two years ago...

I was going through security at Sea-Tac, and, uh, all of a sudden... this is long story sounding...

TSA goes ape sh1t.

The, uh, airport cops are hauling ass towards us.

It takes me a few seconds to realize that they're looking at me.

One of the airport's radiation detectors thought I was carrying a dirty bomb.

Were you?

I was carrying this.

I found it on the farm when I was a kid, right by the pond.

I was out there, uh, skipping rocks one day, and then I look down.

There's a beautiful black stone, so I take it home.

A few months later, my mother shakes me awake in the middle of the night.

She says, "You've got five minutes to grab anything you ever want to see again."

At the time, I thought to myself this is the moment where my life changes for the worse.

So one of the things I grabbed on my way out is this little stone.

Look, Pete, this is a touching story.

Are you going to tell me what this is?

Uraninite.

As in uranium.

Oh, uranium.

In Connecticut?

We're one of the few states that's got it.

After I analyzed Pete's stone, I had him take me out to the pond.

Took some core samples.

How much is down there?

It doesn't matter.

Just from the surface readings alone, it promises that some big energy company will come in and buy us out.

Okay. And how much do I get for not telling Audrey?

We can give you 2.

2 what?

2 million.

How much are you getting?

We're getting our share.

Your share is $2 million.

Can I get a Maker's, neat?

It's not easy to trust a man who's ready to f*ck over his own grandmother.

The kind of money we're talking about, I'd f*ck over somebody I like.

[chuckling]

Yeah, I get it.

And I got to hand it to you.

It almost worked.

Your plan has two fatal flaws.

One is my client Chayton Dockery.

Audrey took his cash collateral.

And when he comes for it tomorrow, let's just say, if she's lucky, she goes to prison and all of her assets will be seized and the sale of the house will be cancelled.

And if she isn't lucky?

Well, then she's dead, and you'll be dealing with Dockery.

Now, if I were to get the money and put it in the safe, everything will be fine when Audrey opens it up for Dockery tomorrow.

And why would you do that?

Out of the goodness of my heart and $5 million.

There's no f*cking way we're giving you $5 million.

I'd reconsider that.

If you work with me, you're still rich.

If you go against me, you get nothing.

[sigh] I...

Fine.

Fine.

But the money goes in the safe tonight.

Which brings us to problem number 2.

If we pay off Dockery, Audrey's got no reason to follow through with the sale of the house.

She sold it to him.

Seeing as it's Sunday, what you signed was an intent to sell.

Tomorrow she could put a stop to all this and my guess is she will because that's what she does.

Audrey's been pawning collateral.

I have a list of the items she's sold.

I will threaten to go to the cops.

She'll lose her license, her business, maybe does some time.

Or she signs the farm over to me.

If Audrey signs the farm over to you, the other grandchildren will all have grounds for suit once the value of the land is discovered.

We'll fight them.

And you'd be tied up in legal battles for years.

Legally, the better play would be to sign the quick claim over to the only surviving child.

What?

Your mother.

Maybe we can make a deal with her.

Although sh1t, no.

[sigh] Julia told me she's somewhere on the West Coast.

No. She's not.

She's here in Bridgeport.

She came back a few years ago.

She's just never contacted anybody.

I think she's just waiting for Otto and Audrey to... to die.

Well, call her up.

I... She doesn't have a phone. I...

If it's a long story, then let's go see her.

I don't know where she is.

I have to look for her, okay?

Okay.

Call me when you've found her.

Cheers for the drink.

That went well.

We didn't have time to prep for a rollover.

What did you always tell me?

Work the problem.

You say that like there's only one problem.

God knows what Lance is going to come up with while you try to produce a mother out of thin air.

Pay the bill.

[line ringing]

Hey, uh, I hope you're having a great Sunday because we got a big f*cking problem.

Marjorie: Okay.

How soon can you make it to Bridgeport?

Why?

Because I need you to be the rope.

Okay. Who am I playing?

Pete's mom Maggie.

Uh, isn't she, like, north of 50?

I just played your mistress a few years ago, Marius.

What, now I'm your mother?

What is this, Hollywood?

Well, we're screwed if you don't.

Ohh. Do you have any idea of her height?

No.

Oh. Good. I'll sit.

Uh, need to be dark, and I'll need something that makes them not want to look too closely.

Okay.

I need to know a few things about her, please.

I don't know much beyond her name.

Well, figure it out.

[phone rings]

sh1t.

Yeah.

I followed him into New Haven.

He just parks and into the scientific supplies store.

What?

Open the car. Open the car.

sh1t.

What?

He's buying a Geiger counter.

God damn.

Look, I need you to stall him for an hour, all right?

How the hell am I supposed to do that?

I don't know. Look, you want to succeed in the life?

Figure it out. Work the problem.

And now what?

What are we gonna do?

We're gonna salt it.

With what?

Gonna find somebody on CraigsList trying to unload a couple pounds of yellowcake?

Nope.

Bullshit.

Is the internet ever wrong?

If kitty litter's radioactive enough to set off a Geiger counter, what makes you think it won't grow me a third nut or some sh1t like that?

For the amount you've been breaking my balls lately, I could use a spare one.

[sobbing]

Hey.

You okay?

No!

Oh, God. Ohh.

Oh, yeah.

No.

My boyfriend.

He hurt you?

Uh, you want me to call the cops?

No. No.

That'll only make things worse.

I just want to go to his place, pick up my stuff.

If I just had an hour.

[phone rings]

[ring]

[beep]

Bernhardt Bail Bonds. Otto speaking.

I'm at the bar. Come see me now.

[click]

Yeah, it, uh...

Well, no, no, no, sir, we don't, and, um, I would... I would appreciate it if you would take us off your list.

[beep]

Hey, uh, you mind watching the place for a few minutes while I go hit the head?

You don't have a toilet?

Oh, it's busted.

Goddamn landlord doesn't want to pay to fix it.

We've been using the bar down the street.

Anyone stops in, just tell them I'll be back in five or thereabouts. At my age, it may take a little longer.

[honking]

Hey.

Hey, why'd you park me in?

Hey, what the f*ck, man?

Why'd you park me in?

You want to take a swing?

Do it.

Nothing would make me happier.

Just want you to move your truck.

What was I thinking?

You only beat women, right?

Listen...

You're not paying for a double, and even if you... even if you were, it wouldn't include Crazy Horse over there.

That's a whole other deal entirely.

I'm trying...

You're not trying hard enough.

Get rid of him soon, or this doesn't happen.

He left New Haven an hour ago.

He'll be here.

Yeah, well, I'm just saying.

No, you're just worrying.

Hmm.

Where else is he going to go with a Geiger counter?

Huh.

[phone rings]

Hi, Julia.

I did what you asked.

I got him to the restaurant and made sure he was facing the door.

Thank you. Look, I know how tough this is for you.

Tough? This is... This is tough?

No matter how this goes down, I lose.

You get that, don't you?

If you're right, the father of my son is nothing better than a con man.

If you're wrong...

I betrayed him.

I... I understand it. I...

[beep]

Any action?

Well...

Huh. You have no idea.

When I was a young man, I used to piss, it was like a river.

Coffee?

There you go.

It's on the house.

[clicking]

[phone rings]

[ring]

What?

Oh, good.

Well, I certainly look forward to meeting her.

Hi.

Oh!

[chatter]

What the f*ck do you want?

[chatter]

Don't f*cking talk to me like that.

f*ck!

You know what? You just leave the f*cking bar.

I'm j... Which one?

f*ck you.

Yeah, f*ck you.

F...

Unbelievable, man.

She's f*cking impossible.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What happened?

She's worse than Audrey.

Or maybe it's you.

Can I buy you a drink?

Uh, are you supposed to smoke around pressurized oxygen?

No.

That's why I turned it off.

Dip sh1t.

Okay. I'm sorry.

That was the wrong way to start this.

Gee.

Maggie, my name is Lance.

I'm, uh... in a relationship with your niece.

I know your mother very well.

I've been on the wrong end of her wrath a good many times.

And, uh...

Up-up-up.

sh1t.

sh1t! f*ck!

She lose the lisp?

Pardon me?

Julia.

Had a bad lisp as a kid.

I only rooted for her.

Yeah.

She told me about that.

That must have been cute as hell.

But yeah, she lost the lisp.

She grew into a beautiful, smart woman.

Look, I know what Audrey did to you.

And as far as I can see, right now, this is your chance to get back at her.

Ahem. Didn't you say you were gonna buy me a drink?

Is she in?

Of course she's in.

You got to pay her tab.

Pay the tab.

Son of a bitch.

All right, so when we get the money and I put it in the safe, I'll let you call Audrey, and you can be the hero.

Yeah, absolutely not.

You're not coming with me, and I'm not giving you the money.

Hey. Hey.

I'm the only one with the combination to the safe.

And I give a sh1t because?

I don't trust you, Pete, so I'll get the money, and I'll see you there at 8 p.m.

And don't get any brilliant ideas about following me, either.

Come on.

[grunt]

[door closes]

[muffled shouts]

Shut the f*ck up. Shut the f*ck up.

You make one more sound, I swear to Christ I'll bury this in your f*cking Adam's apple.

I'm here to cut you loose.

Now this gag. Don't test me.

Uhh!

[grunt]

Moved your car around back.

Uh-uh. My gun.

Not going to happen.

Katie's got it, so if you don't want to get shot, don't wake her up.

Detective.

Me and my family ain't going anywhere.

This is our home.

I see you around here again, I'm gonna assume the worst, cop or no cop.

There's nothing I won't do to protect my family.

Tell me you understand that.

I understand.

I hope so.

We're closed.

You can't be here.

I told you over the phone.

Sean's due back from Hartford any minute.

Taylor.

I was out at Reading Road today.

Taylor, I can't.

You know, they woke up that morning, just like any other day.

Drank their coffee, brushed their teeth.

Dropped Carly off at kindergarten, never knowing they were doing it all for the last time.

You think they thought of any of that?

That moment when they... when they saw the pickup blow the stop sign?

Because I'm... I'm wondering... if maybe there's... there's no such thing as never knew what hit them.

Maybe that's just something you say on next of kin notification.

You know?

I'm wondering if there isn't... there isn't always a moment... when you look back and you see all the things that you did... and all the things that you didn't do.

Listen, I...

I want to hear this, I really do, but...

Sean, he's coming back from Hartford.

A couple of months ago, the idea of not being a cop...

f*ck.

f*ck. He's here.

Taylor, you have to go.

You should be with me.

Not Sean.

I should have said it in high school.

I should have said it on the day he proposed, but I'm saying it now.

What the f*ck is this?

This, fucko, is me telling you what I just finished telling her.

You keep parking your f*cking monster truck in front of our place, I'm going to personally see to it that a couple of hoppers from Marina Village Projects joy ride it down to one of the Stratford Ave. cop shops and turn it into a f*cking art exhibit.

My, Grandma couldn't handle her own dirty work.

Had to send the cop.

I'll do what I can, but we get so busy here, we run out of spots.

It's always so empty up by your place.

Nobody sent me.

Oh, you just lost your temper?

You flew off the handle?

Well, I heard you've been doing that a lot lately.

Hey, if you, uh... if you ever need to be bailed out, I hope you give us a call.

How'd it go? Sean.

Hartford. How... How did it go?

Good. Yeah. Really good.

The time's coming when we won't have to worry about Audrey poaching business.

Audrey or anyone else.

Good.

How do you... Are you sure that's Dockery's guy?

I'm pretty f*cking sure. I defended him one time after he bit a guy's nose off.

He's not the kind of person you forget.

f*ck.

I guess Dockery got it in his head someone's trying to take his money.

Yeah. The guy must be paranoid.

There's no way I'm going in until he's gone.

[cartoon sounds on TV]

Hey, why don't you give me the bag?

You can watch me through the window.

No. I told you we're doing this together.

Where's that toilet?

Uh... the bar just down the street.

If they give you a hard time, just tell them you're with me.

If they give me a hard time?

This might be our only chance.

Mm-mm.

[door bursts open]

Hi, Grandpa. Hey, uh, Julia forgot some papers, and Lance has something he wants to talk to you about.

Two seconds. We'll be out of your hair.

No, no, Pete...

I need to call in a favor, all right?

Because Julia and I are getting married.

Hey, hey, hey.

Well, we're actually eloping.

We might be eloping.

I think you guys are great.

My main thing is I...

I don't want Jacob to feel less than in a couple of years when he realizes Julia and I were never married.

I know Julia... I realize your granddaughter, she's a modern woman, and she's just, you know, she's a modern woman.

She's "Down with the patriarchy," and I'm all for that.

I just think it would be easier on the kids than if we had a ceremony and started wearing rings.

I'm going to ask Julia to marry me. All right?

She doesn't really want to start talking about it.

I'm the only one who starts talking about it before.

And I'm not asking you to be...

Lance... uh...

[gun cocks]

Everybody get on the f*cking ground!

Now!