01x08 - Et Tu, Doctor?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lucifer". Aired: January 2016 to present.

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"Lucifer" amuses himself in Los Angeles, where he gets his kicks helping the LAPD punish criminals.
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01x08 - Et Tu, Doctor?

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Lucifer...

LUCIFER: Ooh! How's your ex, Detective Douche?

DAN: Is this the fight that you want to pick?

You stuck your neck out on Palmetto.

Look where that got you.


DAN: Chloe, you are s*ab hard at something that's just not there.

CHLOE: There's got to be an explanation for what I saw, Dan.
There has to be!

DAN: Chloe, this could mean a lot of things.

Chloe: It means a cop knew this secret passageway existed, Dan.

DAN: What is it?

A 999 key. LAPD issued. I was right.

Amenadiel: It's my duty to return the wings where they belong.

Doesn't part of you long to assume your form?

LUCIFER: Not exactly.

MAZE: I want what's best for Lucifer.

Amenadiel: Then give me something that I can use against Lucifer, and I'll make
sure you're both back where you belong.

MAZE: That's the problem. He doesn't confide in me anymore.

But there is someone he does talk to.
A doctor.

Hello there, neighbor.

I actually need someone to confide in about a patient.

And, hey, listen, if you have any patients you need to talk about...

Linda: You have no idea.

(rock intro to "Rebel Rebel" playing)

♪ ♪
♪ Got your mother in a whirl ♪
♪ She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl ♪
♪ Hey, babe, your hair's all right... ♪

Lovely. Thanks, girls. (chuckles)

♪ Hey, babe, let's go out tonight... ♪


♪ You like me, and I like it all... ♪

We'll have to try that later.

♪ We like dancing and we look divine... ♪

Brian! Cheers!

♪ You love bands when they're playing hard ♪
♪ You want more and you want it fast ♪
♪ They put you down... ♪

LUCIFER: Maze! You haven't wished me happy birthday.

MAZE: The Devil doesn't have a birthday.

LUCIFER: Well, I do now. I b*rned my wings. I feel reborn.

It's my re-birthday party.


MAZE: Reborn? As who?

LUCIFER: Whoever the hell I want to be. It's exciting, isn't it?


♪ Hot tramp, I love you so Ha-ha.

LUCIFER: To new beginnings. Happy birthday to me.

MAZE: Oh, how sweet. She brought a date.

♪ Got your mother in a whirl ♪
♪ 'Cause she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl ♪
♪ Hey, babe, your hair's all right ♪
♪ Hey, babe, let's... ♪

(laughing): You said "drinks with a few friends."

LUCIFER: Well, you know, things got out of hand.

Just the way I like it. (chuckles)

We brought you a birthday gift.

LUCIFER: Is that the royal "we"?

Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser.

It's our station's birthday tradition.

LUCIFER: Lovely! How can I refuse? Can I refuse?

Dan: Of course you can.

And we'll always think less of you.

Here's to another trip around the sun.

LUCIFER: Cheers.

♪ You put them on ♪
♪ Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress ♪

Ah! Ooh!

It's not bad, is it?


LUCIFER: Let's find Maze. She needs to try this bizarre concoction. She loves a salty aftertaste.

No. We're just stopping by.

We have a department thing to go to.

Some of us work for a living.

LUCIFER: Well, that's your bad luck, isn't it?

Come on, the party's barely started.

Happy birthday, Lucifer.

("Rebel Rebel" ends)

♪ ♪

(indistinct conversations, rock music playing)

You sure you want to be here?

We can't be the only ones missing Malcolm's welcome back party.

If we want to find a dirty cop, we got to look like team players.

Man: Chloe Decker!

Here we go.

♪ Call me up on your little black phone ♪
♪ Look for a big surprise... ♪

You and I need to talk.

Sure, Malcolm.

♪ Every time you come 'round... ♪

You back with this guy? Hmm? How-how, how long was I out?
What, you get the sense knocked out of you, Decker?

We're just, we're just...

You know, we have...

Malcolm: (laughing): Just relax, guys.

I'm just... just giving you a hard time.

(Malcolm laughing)

You finally got your sense of humor back, huh?

Yeah, he's healing fast.

Doc said he should be able to get rid of this chair in a couple days.

(grunting): You tired of pushing me around, Paolucci?

(Paolucci chuckles)

Paolucci: Look at that, huh?

The partner who will not die.

(Malcolm laughs)

Paolucci: Guess Heaven didn't want him and Hell couldn't keep him.

(both chuckling)

You got no idea.

♪ Devil in your eyes. ♪

LUCIFER: So I, I may have been... (groans) out of line last time I was here. But I did send flowers. And chocolates. And now myself, so, save the best gift till last. (nervous chuckle) Not enough? No? You can invite a friend. (nervous laugh)

LINDA: Why did you think I'd be mad? Was it because of this?

(nervous laugh)

LUCIFER: I've found women, generally, don't like a man punching holes in things, yes.

LINDA: Lucifer, our last session was a breakthrough.

LUCIFER: It was?

LINDA: You're finally getting in touch with your emotions.

Letting your barriers down.

LUCIFER: You see, that's part of the problem. I'd like them back up, thank you.


LUCIFER: Well, because these emotions are... bloody inconvenient, that's why.

LINDA: What's bothering you right now?

LUCIFER: (sighs) Well... right now I'm experiencing a very odd feeling. It's-it's like a... it's like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.

LINDA: And when is that happening?

Well, um...

LINDA: When you're with Chloe?

LUCIFER: Yes. Well, actually, lately, when she's been with Dan.

LINDA: Her ex.

LUCIFER: Well, sort of. Uh... I don't know what she sees in that oaf.

LINDA: Lucifer... you're jealous.

LUCIFER: The Devil doesn't get jealous. I'm the one who inspires passion in others. (chuckling) I mean... you know that.

LINDA: Mm, don't I ever.

LUCIFER: Thank you. That's the appropriate response.


LUCIFER: Hold on, maybe it's not me. Maybe it's her. (gasps quietly) You could fix the detective.

LINDA: How would I do that?

LUCIFER: Well, heal her douche fixation, obviously. Then she stays away from her ex. Then I get my partner back.

LINDA: That's not how therapy works.

(Lucifer scoffs)

LINDA: We deal with your issues. Not someone else's.

(Lucifer scoffs)

♪ ♪

(low, indistinct conversation)

Oh, dear! Someone's session went poorly.

Mm. Thanks for gracing us with your presence.

Yes, I had a previous engagement.

Therapy twice in one day. So L.A. of me.

Dr. Bernie Shaw. k*lled last night.

No forced entry.

k*ller most likely knew the vic.

The w*apon was improvised.

Seems like a crime of passion.

Right. Yeah.

LUCIFER: Have you ever seen a therapist? You know, for your pent-up anger and your trust issues. And your attraction to very dull men.

Let's just focus on the case, shall we?

LINDA: Well, I will, once it's interesting.

Oh! Hello.

It's interesting... "The Cheater Therapist."

Yeah, he encouraged couples to cheat to save their marriages. You can imagine how many people want to k*ll him.

LINDA: I can't, actually. Sounds like a great idea.

You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.

LUCIFER It can't hurt to try.

Pretty sure it can.


(camera clicking)

That's the wife Alexandra.

She was out of town and just got back to find her husband d*ad.

Poor woman.

Excuse me!

Your husband was the Cheater Therapist.

Hey, I'm not sure who you are, but this is not the time for judgment.

LUCIFER: What? No judgment here, Tissue Lad.

I think her husband's work was bang on!

I'm Detective Decker.

This is my associate, Mr. Morningstar.

Yeah, yeah.

Jonathan Medina.

Colleague of Dr. Shaw's.

LUCIFER: Desire shouldn't be contained... it's unnatural. Your husband recognized that.

Bernie, he-he just wanted to help people.

He dedicated his life to others.

Who would do this?

We'll find out, Mrs. Shaw.


(speaking gently)

Every one of her husband's patients is a suspect.

LUCIFER: Oh! Does that mean we get to dive into patient files? Read the deepest, darkest secrets of L.A.'s most unfaithful?

No, we can't look at them without a psychologist to protect patient confidentiality.

LUCIFER: Perfect! I have just the psychologist!

Dr. Linda Martin, from our first investigation together.

The one that wanted to jump your bones?


No. Not happening.

LUCIFER: No, I really think she'd bring some impressive insight into the issues that you're dealing with. Uh, in the case.

I really don't. Plus, it's out of our hands. Court-appointed. A judge needs to sign off.

♪ ♪

LUCIFER: Wonderful! Now...

I see you brought your gavel, like I asked.

(Lucifer sighs passionately)

(Michelle laughs)

Michelle: Oh!

LUCIFER: Oh, objection, Your Honor.

Ah! Now, now...

Oh, come on!

I won't tell if you won't.

I swore an oath... to a judge.

LUCIFER: Oh, did you now?

You only get to read the files I deem necessary for investigation.

(scoffs, sighs)

LUCIFER: Now, remember our deal. You have to fix the detective's broken douche meter whilst we investigate this crime.

Mm-hmm. I never agreed to that.
LUCIFER: Oh, come now. Don't you want to help me?

Hmm? Linda?

(sultry chuckle)


Ah! Speak of the me.

Out here. Now.

What did you do?

LUCIFER: Not what, but who, if you must know.

But I try not to kiss and tell.

I told you I didn't want to go with Dr. Martin.

We need someone impartial, which means not trying to get in your pants. What...?

Are you even listening to me?

LUCIFER: Not really. Look. A new doctor's moved in.

Dr. Canaan.

How Biblical.

Sure, let's add another random doctor to the case.

Great idea.

LUCIFER: Now, look, I assure you, Dr. Martin is excellent. She trained at Stanford, she lectures at USC, she's got stacks of awards...

Since when are you her fanboy?

LUCIFER: Since I became a client.


You're really in therapy?

LUCIFER: Why is that so surprising?

CHLOE: You're the least reflective person I know.

I have layers. I'm like an onion. An irresistible one. Dr. Linda said we recently made a breakthrough, in fact.

Why do I think that's code for sex?

LUCIFER: In that particular context, no.

Do you still think you're the Devil?

LUCIFER: I am the Devil.

Then excuse me if I doubt her skills.

LUCIFER: Look, she's helped me, all right? And I think she can be of help here.

Uh-huh, I'm sure. Excuse me.

Everything okay?

Yes, Linda, everything's absolutely fine... No offense, Dr. Martin...

I found something.


What is it?

A patient named Richard Kester.

His wife convinced him to try Dr. Shaw's therapy.

Hmm, let me guess... didn't end well?

She had an affair.

They got divorced.

And then Richard sent Dr. Shaw a death thr*at.

It's been more than a year, but that kind of anger can bubble up when you least expect it.

Add him to the list of angry patients.

That's just it.

Richard's the only one so far.

Dr. Shaw's patients seem remarkably happy with him.

Oh, do they now?

LUCIFER: See, cheater therapy works. Maybe you should've tried it with Detective Douche.

Or was that what broke you apart?

What is wrong with you lately?

I'll look into him.

Thank you.


Top work, Sherlock.


LUCIFER: So I don't understand all this jealousy talk. I mean, why covet something someone else has? Why not just take it?

CHLOE: (chuckles) 'Cause it's never that easy.

LUCIFER: Well, it is for me. Usually. I, uh, I may have overstepped earlier in regards to Detective Douche.

CHLOE: (laughs) Yeah. You definitely may have.

LUCIFER: So why did you two separate anyway?

CHLOE: (chuckles) (sighs) The job was more important to him than me and Trixie.

But lately something's changed. He... he makes time for me.He makes time for us.
He's really putting in an effort.

Yes, if ever anyone deserved a participation trophy, it's Dan.

(phone ringing)

CHLOE: Decker.

LINDA: Uh, hello, Detective. It's about Richard. I wanted to warn you. He may be unstable.

Possibly dangerous.

CHLOE: I'll handle it, but thanks.

I don't mean to you.

I mean to himself.

(siren whoops)

(indistinct radio transmission)

CHLOE: Yeah, you may be right.


Oh, my God.

There's another one.

LUCIFER: Hey, Detective! You need your roots done!

I've made up my mind.

You can't stop me.

LUCIFER: What? Oh, no. I'm not here to stop you. If you want to jump, go for it.

Is this some kind of reverse psychology?

LUCIFER: No, quite serious. Go for it.
Okay, here goes. I do have one question before you pop off. You see, I'm trying to understand jealousy. It's a new concept to me. And you, dear Ricky, are the perfect person to explain it.

What are you talking about...?

LUCIFER: Manners, Ricky.

Manners! (Richard screaming)

LUCIFER: We're not done talking yet!

Okay, I'll talk!!

Pull me back up, please!

LUCIFER: Are you sure? Yeah? 'Cause I could just...

(screams) Pull me back up!

Pull me up, please!

Oh, God.

LUCIFER: I'd save your breath if I were you. When it comes to this sort of thing, he's quite judgy. Right, back to the matter in hand. Now, you were so jealous that you m*rder Dr. Shaw.
Can you help me understand why?

How could you say that?

I was about to jump, because he's d*ad.

LUCIFER: Don't fib, Rickster. I know about your death thr*at.

(scoffs) I was in a bad place.

Kara had just dumped me.

I made my thr*at.

Then I went to his office...

And k*lled him.

And he talked me down.

And afterwards, he kept seeing me, even though he knew I couldn't afford to pay him.

I mean, he'd got me through my divorce, bankruptcy, the death of my parrot.

LUCIFER: Oh, I've just realized you're not jealous, are you? You're just sad. Pathetic, really.

(sighs) Well, if you can't tell me what I need to know, what good are you?

Aren't you supposed to tell me that I have a lot to live for?

LUCIFER: Well, I wish I could, Ricky, but your life sounds incredibly bleak. Ironically, it seems there's nowhere to go but up.


You know what? You're right.


Maybe the worst is behind me.


I think I'm ready to go in now.

LUCIFER: Well, I wasn't asking, but, uh, all right, go on, quick as you can.

Come on, chop, chop.

(crowd cheering)

Chloe: I can't believe you, Lucifer.

LUCIFER: What? You should be thanking me.

All right, Richard, we confirmed your alibi with your neighbor.

You're free to go.

How did this happen?

Poor Sandy.

Who's Sandy?

Dr. Shaw's wife, Alexandra.

Her friends all call her Sandy.

Okay, and you're friends with your therapist's wife?

Yes, how open was his relationship therapy, hmm?

No, it's nothing like that.

That's just how the Shaws are.

They go above and beyond.

I just ran into her two days ago.

Sandy was planning a surprise for Dr. Shaw and everything.

You ran into her two days ago... are you sure about that?


Alexandra told us she was in Phoenix.

We checked her alibi.

She had plane tickets to prove it.

What was the surprise?

I don't know.

She just asked me not to tell Dr. Shaw she was in town.

(chuckles): Uh-huh.

You can't think she did this?

♪ ♪
♪ Are we ♪
♪ Too deep... ♪

We're closed.

You must be Maze.

♪ Look what you've done... ♪

You're just as Lucifer described.

MAZE: So, you're the doctor.

Oh, call me Linda.

Pleasure to meet you.

♪ This thing has gone too far... ♪

MAZE: I've seen that look in women before. Won't end well.

What won't?

MAZE: Sleeping with my boss. You'll end up like all the others. Trash left by the side of the road.



Well, I find people who are rude usually feel powerless in their own lives.

Terrified of not being in control.

But that's not you, I'm sure.

MAZE: I like you.

♪ I am a fool... ♪

Lucifer: Doctor?

What a surprise.

What are you doing here?

LINDA: I thought you asked me to meet you here.

That-that was me. I felt like it would be good to get your input on the case.

Chloe: That's a good idea, actually, especially since our last suspect almost ended up sidewalk art. Turns out Mrs. Shaw flew to Phoenix but rented a car and drove back a couple days early.

Lucifer: So, dear, sweet Sandy was here just in time for the m*rder.

Wait, Alexandra Shaw goes by "Sandy"?

The doctor had a female patient who was stalked by someone with the initials S.S.

He used initials in his notes?

LINDA: I found it odd as well. Why conceal someone's identity in private notes?

But I thought it wasn't related, so I...

Unless S.S. stands for Sandy Shaw.

If she was stalking one of her husband's female patients...

Then maybe Dr. Shaw was engaged in his own open-relationship therapy.

Chloe: Sandy found out.

So maybe she wasn't okay with it as she claimed.

(phone rings)

Excuse me.


Yeah, this is 831.

Oh, yeah, tell him I'll be there as soon as I can.

Okay, thank you.

That was dispatch.

Dan's phone died, and he wants me to meet him at my place.

Apparently it's urgent.

Oh, how convenient.

What's next... he spills something on his shirt and he has to take it off?

Oh, no, the trousers, too.


What, so that's it?

You just go running as soon as Dan calls?

What about the case?

This could relate to another case I'm working on.

There's units looking for Sandy now.

And once they find her, they'll call me.




You see what I'm dealing with now, don't you?

I think I do, actually.

It's worse than I realized.

Thank you.
Hey, Dan.

What did you find out?


Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! I just wanted to talk.

You act all chummy in public, then you break into my home, trick me into meeting you in private?

Excuse me if I'm not trusting.

Hey, I'm not armed.

All right? Hey.

Huh? It's nothing like that.

All right.

Then talk.

I had to meet with you where no one else could hear.

Hear what... my screams?


Decker, we're on the same side. And I know you're still looking into Palmetto.

Well, guess what? So am I.

I put that to bed a long time ago.

That the best you got? God, you're a decent cop, but you are a terrible liar.

Come on!

Palmetto stinks.

I should know. I was there.


Go ahead, say it.

I look dirty.

I saw you meet with Nikolas Aoudi.

You were laughing.

I saw you hand him cash.

I've used him as a CI before.

I was buying information.

Then we both got sh*t.

And I think it was a cop who sh*t me.

But you knew that already, didn't you?

Why do you think it was a cop?

That's what I was paying Aoudi for.

Intel on someone crooked at our station.

But I think he or she got to me first.

That's... (laughs) that's a great story.

I love the ending.

It-it ties up all the loose ends.

Not really.

I can't explain how the crooked cop knew I was there.

How'd you find me?

I followed the smell.

(chuckling) You followed the...

You know what?

Screw this. I only called you to try and help.


Yeah, really.

Listen, Decker, they pulled the plug on me.

I was d*ad.

I-I know.

Made me appreciate the time I've got here. So, personally, I don't think I'm gonna dig any deeper on this one. And I wouldn't if I were you either.

CHLOE: Not sure if that's a warning or a thr*at.

I'm not the enemy, Chloe.

But whoever we were investigating, they're still out there. And they clearly don't have a problem sh**ting cops.

(phone ringing)

(door closes)


DANIEL: Unis found Sandy Shaw in her car in a parking structure.

Oh, well, I hope our case didn't ruin your kissy-time with Dan.

What is with your recent obsession with my love life?

Obsession? (laughs)

LUCIFER: That's awfully defensive. Probably indicates deeper issues, wouldn't you say?

Linda: I agree. Why are you so defensive, Lucifer?

Good question.

Et tu, Doctor?

Lucifer, you asked me to analyze the situation.

LUCIFER: No, I asked you to help figure out what's wrong with her.

Did you now?


Linda: Nothing's wrong with her. She's a woman balancing a lot on her plate, and, as far as I can tell, doing a fantastic job.

Why, thank you. You're right, Lucifer, she's amazing.

LUCIFER: No, she's verbal Ebola. Where's the button to put the glass up?

(scoffs) This isn't a limo, Lucifer. And, Dr. Linda, you should really join us more often.

LUCIFER: (scoffs, sighs)

Getting double-teamed is usually much more fun than this.

CHLOE: Mm. Gross.

So you lied to us.

You were in town the day your husband died.

Yes. But it's not what you think.

Okay, then help me understand.

Sandy, I'm on your side.

Not everything stems from jealousy, no matter what these women tell you.

Hey, Lucifer...

You came here driven by some kind of desire, didn't you?


Come on.

You can tell me. What was it?

It's disgusting.

LUCIFER:Ooh, you naughty girl. Come on, now you have to tell me.

It's... in my car.

(door lock chirps)

What is, Sandy?



Bags and bags of it.

Oh, my God.

I'm not sure whether to be horrified or impressed.

My friend owns a horse.

That's oddly comforting to know.

What were you gonna do with it?

I was going to throw it at Tiffany.

That's the patient you were accused of... Stalking.


She's in a group therapy session right now for my husband's clients.

Group cheater therapy.

Oh, the imagination runs wild.

So Tiffany was sleeping with your husband.

She was.

How'd you find out?

My husband's colleague, Dr. Medina, called me.

Okay, so he told you that your husband was cheating?

No, he had no idea.

He just called to see if Bernie wanted to grab a last-minute drink.

But Bernie was supposed to already be with Dr. Medina.

That's when I knew my husband lied to me.

But he was the cheater therapist.

I don't quite see the problem here.

(chuckles) I mean, you said yourself...

The problem is he fell in love with her.

I lied to him about my trip, then I drove back from Phoenix to see what he was doing.

I was...

Don't say it.


Yes, yes, we all get it!

Jealousy makes the world go...

I mean, what are you, a girl band?

I loved him.


(crying) I didn't k*ll him.

I just wanted him back.

Oh, great.

The douche-mobile.

Give me a second.

Hey, I got your text. You okay?

Did Malcolm hurt you?

No. I told you, it's-it's fine.

Everything's fine.

I'm gonna punch that son of a bitch right back into a coma.

Oh, come on.

No. No.

Anything back on the 999 key?

I'm sorry, Chloe.

They couldn't get any prints off of it.


Dr. Linda: So that's Dan, huh?


Numbingly average, isn't he?

I wouldn't say that.

LUCIFER: What... You're supposed to be on my side, you know.

No. I'm supposed to help you process your emotions so you can deal with them constructively.

LUCIFER: Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I'm right.

Lucifer... Is over this conversation.

LUCIFER:I'm gonna go and talk to some people who are a little more open-minded, Doctor.

Hi. I'm Dr. Medina. Thank you for coming.

All right, looks like we have everyone, so let's start.

Yes! That's a great idea.

There's so very much to discuss.

So let's start with the most important thing, shall we?


And once again, Lucifer disappears.

I think the case may have hit a little too close to home.

Maybe things got a little too boring for Mr. Short Attention Span.

I don't know.

He's grown quite a bit since working with you.

I'm not sure I'm the reason.

I think you've really helped him. I underestimated you before. I'm sorry.

Not needed. But thank you.

(chuckles) And I thought...

I thought you were sleeping with him.

Oh, I am.

Oh. Oh.

Is, um... is that...?



No. No, it is not.

(sighs) But there's something about him. I can't stop myself.

(chuckles) (sighs) But I think it's time I did. I mean, even I'm starting to feel...

So do you think she did it?

Chloe: Sandy claims she was sitting outside Tiffany's house, waiting for Dr. Shaw to show up.

Problem is, no one can corroborate her alibi.

But, no, I don't think it was her.

So there's no one in Dr. Shaw's files that looked like a potential suspect?

Not that I can tell, but maybe I missed something.


The cheater therapist turned out to be terrible at cheating.

Why didn't he tell Dr. Medina he was using him as a cover story?

Maybe he did.

Maybe he confided in Dr. Medina.

But Mrs. Shaw said that Dr. Medina had no idea about the affair.

Yeah, so he conveniently told her everything she needed to know to figure it out.

We need to talk to Dr. Medina.

LUCIFER: Which brings us to today, where we find Mrs. Shaw with a bag of excrement in her boot.

Sorry, trunk.

And somehow, out of all that, they've decided that I'm jealous.

So... what do you think?



So, wait, you're the Devil?

LUCIFER: Yes, yes. Please keep up. Anyone. You.

When you say you, uh, b*rned your wings, was that a metaphor...?

LUCIFER: Not focusing on the right details!

Uh, yeah.

She was gonna throw poop at me?

LUCIFER: God, this isn't about you, Tiffany.

(laughs) All right?

Huh, no wonder you're all in therapy.

All right, this is supposed to be a grief therapy session for the patients of Dr. Shaw. And everyone here has a terrible loss to deal with.

LUCIFER: What, and I don't? I've lost both my therapist and my partner.

I'm s...

Th-They died?

LUCIFER: No. No, they turned on me. Some would argue that's worse.

All right, you need to leave.

LUCIFER: No, I'm close to something. I can feel it.

This is not about you!

LUCIFER: (groans) Gah. You're right. Yes. I should use one of you as a case study.
Thank you for volunteering. So what... what makes you jealous? Hmm?
What do you desire that you can't have? Come on.



I want Sandy.

LUCIFER: What? Oh. I remember you now. Tissue Lad! Wanted some open relationship therapy of your own, is that it?

That's not what it is like.

LUCIFER: But she didn't want you, did she? Sandy loved her husband, so you k*lled him, didn't you?

Shut up!

(LUCIFER: gasps) Solved it, haven't I? Eh?! Haven't I?

(patients clamoring)

LUCIFER: So that's a yes.

Man: He's got a knife!

LUCIFER: Do you realize what you've done?

I had to k*ll him, all right? He lied to her. He cheated on her.
And I tried to tip her off, but no matter what he did, she still loved him.

No, no, not that.

This. Right here.

You've just given me the perfect example of unbridled jealousy.

I'm not jealous. I'm not.

LUCIFER: The woman that you loved was with someone else, someone you thought wasn't worthy of her. But no matter what you did... she never saw you the way you wanted her to.

That's... That's pretty accurate.

LUCIFER: Yeah. You've just made me realize something. That my situation and yours are... absolutely nothing alike. I was right! Not jealous!

Chloe: Drop your w*apon!

(both grunting)




Did you seriously just bite me?


He's the k*ller.


Yeah, you think?

(indistinct police radio chatter)

(engine starts)

So you were right about Linda.

She helped me figure out the motive.

And then I realized Jonathan and Dr. Shaw's offices shared the same security system.

So I checked and...

You're not listening to me, are you?

Afraid not.

You didn't see any similarity between yourself and Jonathan?

So you heard some of that, did you?

Tail end.


I don't know.

Did you?

Mm-mm. No.

Completely different.

That's what I thought.


LUCIFER: So... how's your secret case with Dan going?

Secretly terrible. Do you remember Malcolm?

LUCIFER: Coma boy?

CHLOE: He woke up. He claims he's innocent. Something he said bothers me. Whoever sh*t him knew about Palmetto, but he says that no one should have known he was there.

LUCIFER: Well, you found him there.

CHLOE: Yeah, I... He pointed that out, too.

So, whoever followed him could have done what I did.

LUCIFER: So how did you track him?

Partners on the force share GPS locators in their gear so that they can find each other in emergencies.

You hacked his partner's locator.

Which means...

Malcolm's partner knew he was there, too.

Tony Paolucci knew.

♪ ♪


That's Paolucci's car, just like his GPS said.

But the bar's closed.

Maybe he decided to keep the party going.

(door creaks)


You have to stop doing that.

It was unlocked.

♪ ♪

Paolucci, you in here?

♪ ♪

At least you can see what he was thinking.




I found a su1c1de note.

In his handwriting?

Sure looks like it.

Apparently, he was on the take.

Malcolm was onto him, so Paolucci sh*t him. When Malcolm woke up, Paolucci couldn't take the guilt anymore.

You okay?

Paolucci was an ass, but this... I can't imagine this.

I know. I know.


Uh, come in.

LUCIFER: Hello, Doctor.


Thank you for coming. Uh, I know we're not due for a session for a few days.

LUCIFER: No, my bad. I realize I'm not up to date on my payments, so... (chuckles)

Uh... don't.

LUCIFER: What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong. I realized a few things. As I said, we made a breakthrough.

And I think, with that in mind, we should keep our relationship professional from now on.

LUCIFER: Oh. Are you sure?

Very much so.

LUCIFER: Very well. If, uh... if you think it's best.

I do.

LUCIFER: Right. Well, I'll, um... see you at my next session, then.

(door closes)


(door opens)

One last thing before I go.


Dr. Canaan down the hall... what's he like?

Uh, thoughtful.

Spiritual. Why?

Little sanctimonious?

I don't know. I suppose.

Six-foot-two, black, voice like an angel?

Oh, you know him.


All too well.

Trixie's finally down.

(chuckles) She conned you into reading the book about the sneezing panda, didn't she?

Five times.


Hey. Um... (sighs) thank you.

For what?

You know, for having my back and... for everything.

You're welcome. For everything.

You should go.

Yeah, I should.

I'm sorry.

No. Don't be sorry.


(phone buzzing)

(groaning sigh)



All right. (chuckles)



MALCOLM: Evening, Dan.

DAN: I got your text. What do you want?


MALCOLM: Just wanted to congratulate you on closing Palmetto. You and that smart, sexy lady of yours caught the guy who sh*t me. That's what the confession said, right?

DAN: How long did it take you to write it?


Forever. I mean, I'm so not a word guy. (laughing) You know? What? You should be thanking me.

DAN: Why is that?

Well, I could have told everyone the truth... that you sh*t me.

DAN: Why didn't you?

'Cause I like you. And I can't imagine what would happen to your life if people found out the truth.
Your colleagues, your ex...

DAN: I swear to God, I will...
What? sh**t me? Ah, been there, done that. Big fail. (laughs)
Besides, you wouldn't want anything to mess with your pretty little family now that you're working to fix things, right?

DAN: Whatever you want to do to me, you keep them out of it.

Dan. Come on. I'm not gonna hurt anyone.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

You... you and I... we're gonna be best friends.

Yeah. Because I got big plans for you.

Big plans. (laughing)

Fun, right? We're having fun now. (laughs)
(engine starts)

(dance music playing)

♪ I've been hell-bent, baby ♪
♪ Hell-bent on loving you all day long ♪
♪ Hell-bent on drugs 'cause they turn you on ♪
♪ Don't know what else to do... ♪

LUCIFER: I just learned the strangest thing. Spoiler alert, Amenadiel found Dr. Linda. He was an angel on her shoulder, trying to control me. I wonder how my dear, angelic brother got such a wickedly clever idea.

I did it to protect you. I told you, whatever the danger, I'll be there to stop it. Whether you see it coming or not.

LUCIFER: You betrayed me, Maze. And not for my own good. You did it for yourself. Who is this human world really rubbing off on, eh? Me or you?

Lucifer, I...

LUCIFER: Ah. Don't want to hear it. 'Cause you and me, we're done.

♪ All I need is, all I need is, all I need is you. ♪
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