01x13 - Charlie

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪
♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go. ♪
♪ We'll be there ♪
♪ a wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪
♪ yeah, we'll be there ♪
♪ wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪
♪ we'll be there when you turn that corner ♪
♪ when you jump out the bush ♪
♪ with a big bear hug and a smile ♪
♪ we'll be there ♪

[Snoring]

Oh, Elissa... you're such a beautiful queen.

Oh! [Gasps] What's going on?

Good morning. That's your new bed floor.

We're gonna need this for our guest.

Uh? What guest?

Ice Bear woke up like this. But why?

Because we have lots to do!

Here, take this bucket of soapy sprays and this mop and start in the living room.

Hurry! We don't have much time.

Panda: Grizz, what's this all about?

Grizz: It's called caveshare. It's like an online bed-and-breakfast.

People from around the world go here looking for places to stay.

We'll let some cool people crash with us, and then we make a little money on the side.

It's win/win. So, here's our page.

I was up all night making photos.

Our free continental breakfast.

Semi-private bathroom.

Shared living area where we all hang out and party.

And a prince-sized bed.

Panda: Hey!

Grizz, why do you want strangers in our place?

Ice Bear hates sharing.

Guys, come on, we'll make lifelong friends, and we'll get to show off all this cool stuff in our pad, like this embroidered pillow I made of all of us.

Ice Bear wouldn't show that off.

[Beep]

[gasps]

Look at that ... we got a request!

I am so excited, my face hurts!

Who is it?

Grizz: Charlie. Let's see what he looks like.

Blurry. He must move around a lot.

He likes nature... and, I guess, bushes.

Accepted!

Wait! No! How is this even safe?

Ice Bear will protect you.

[Knock on door]

Oh, my gosh! He's here!

That was way too fast.

Come on, Panda. Look presentable, please.

Okay, get ready.

Hellooo... No one here. Huh.

Look at the size of that footprint.

Mm. I don't see anybody out there. I ...

[Smack]

Whoa!

Hey, guys! Caveshare? Is this the right place?

Ah, nice, sturdy woodwork you got here.

Ah, thanks, man. Uh, my name's ...

You must be Grizzly. Charlie. It's a pleasure. It really is.

Golly. Would you just look at this place? Rustic, charming.

Ah, slick headband, by the way. Man, I got to tell you guys.

I knew this place would be perfect the moment I saw it.

[Chuckling] This is gonna be great.

Well, time to check out the new digs.

Wow. Quite a lot of windows y'all got.

Say, this your girlfriend, big man?

Huh? Oh, I, um...

I don't have a girlfriend at the moment.

[Chuckling] Yeah, yeah, that makes more sense.

[Laughs]

[groans]

Uh, hey, Charlie, you want anything? A snack, maybe?

No, no. Thanks, man. I got it. Don't trouble yourself.

Wow! Is this homemade?

Oops. Uh, lost it.

Oh-ho! What's in here?

No way! Cheese poofies?

How'd you know my favorite snack? [Sniffs]

Mmm, mwah! Oh, that is fresh. That is choice.

[Chomping]

Oh, my gosh. That was so rude of me.

Y'all mind if I eat this?

Well, you're our guest.

Of course you're welcome to whatever ...

Fantastic. [Chomping]

Ah, you guys are excellent hosts. I already feel right at home.

[Sneezes]

Is this couch hypoallergenic? That's kind of a big concern for me. Have you ever heard of dust mites?

They're probably crawling all over this thing.

Well, I don't know about that, but I do know it's time for a photo of our first caveshare guest.

Say cheese, buddy.

Aah!

Say, y'all got any games?

[Dice rattle]

Charlie: Lucky seven, lucky seven.

Lucky seven! Blow for luck?

No? All right.

Come on, baby! Let's see that seven!

Whoo-Whoo! [Chuckles] I'll just move over here, and I'll be taking that from you.

Say goodbye to Panda. Bye, Panda!

So, Charlie, where are you from?

Uh, you know ... here, there. You know how it is. [Clears throat]

Uh, uh... uh... Yea... Uh, yeah. Totally.

Well, my brothers and I would love to hear any stories you've got about your life.

Do you have any good ones?

Mnh-mnh.

Well, I'm gonna go get us some pretzels.

Oh, let me get that for ya.

[Laughs]

It's almost dinnertime anyway, you know?

Charlie: So, I'm just watching this guy, right, from a distance, uh, just minding my own business.

[Camera clicks] But this guy doesn't even look like he knows what he's doing.

So he backs up his truck all the way off the cliff ... right off the edge.

[Imitates explosion]

[Laughs] He didn't know how to drive.

Uh-huh. So what happened to him?

Who?

The truck guy!

I don't know. It's not like I knew him. [Groans]

Well, I thought it was a great story.

Ice Bear's special soup ready.

Well, don't mind if I do.

[Slurps]

Mm. You know what this needs?

A little touch of that orange poofie magic.

Mmm! Here, let me get that for you.


Hey, great soup, champ.

[Thud]

You guys, I just want to say, Grizz, Pan Man, a-and... you, you guys are great.

I've only been here for like three hours, and I already feel this connection, you know?

Aww. It has been so cool getting to know you, buddy, and I know I speak for my whole family ...

You don't speak for Ice Bear.

...when I tell you how much fun it's been having you stay with us in our little cave.

Aah!

Um...

So, do you guys like any podcasts?

All right, boys. Anything else you need?

Nope. All good here. Good night, buddy.

Sleep tight, guys.

So, Panda, tell me about yourself. I-I've always found that the best conversations happen under the cover of darkness.

Here. I'll start ... sometimes I feel insecure, because I feel like the fur on my left side is longer than the fur on my right side.

I have a recurring dream that I'm a telephone pole. Is that weird?

Also, my head's a little too big for most hats. [Chuckles]

So, why do you think you don't have a girlfriend?

Wait, wait. Before you answer, I got to run to the bathroom real quick. Hold that thought.

[Toilet flushes]

[Water rushing]

Oh, no!

Uh, h-hey, man. Hey, hey, sorry. Quick question.

Uh, what should I do if the water in the toilet isn't in the toilet anymore?

Actually, wait. I-I-I think I got it.

Sorry. Good night.

[Water trickling]

Oh, man.

[Plunger thudding, metal clinks]

Update ... so, now the water is sort of everywhere, and it's moving into the living room. Thoughts? [Groans]

I'm gonna try and put it back in.

Just gonna borrow this real quick.

[Trickling continues]

[Trickling stops]

Uh... yep.

Here you go.

Also, you're out of toilet paper.

Ugh. I had a rough night.

I kept hearing the toilet flushing and splashing or something.

How'd you sleep, Panda?

Ohh. All right, don't worry about it, man.

I'll make us some nice coffee, and we'll ...

[Animals squeak]

Oh. Good morning, you two. I made us some coffee.

Oops! [Chuckles] Ah, that'll wash out.

Also, I hope it's cool I invited a few friends over.

They wanted to check out the pad.

Ah, good morning, sunshine.

Would you mind whipping up some snacks for us?

More friends came than I thought.

[Animals chattering]

Ugh! You know what?! That's it!

Out you go!

[Indistinct shouting]

What's going on?!

Huh.

There's all these people outside.

Hey! Is he there?

Uh, what do you want?

Uh, we're looking for a tall guy, hairy, really big feet.

We followed his footprints here.

A really tall guy?

Do ya know him?

[Door creaks]

[Charlie whimpering, sniffling]

Uh... Charlie?

[Whimpering, sniffling stop]

Hey.

Charlie, what's going on?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't do anything.

I-I don't know these guys. I really don't.

People just, uh, follow me.

Won't leave me alone. They ruin everything.

I can't do anything to stop this. I just hide, wake up, get a little more used to being alone, then run to hide again.

I'm sorry for leading them here.

I should've moved on ages ago, but I was having so much fun.

Finally, I made some friends, and I screwed it up again.

I'll get out of your hair soon. You won't have to see me again.

We'll take care of it, man. Just stay right here.

[Indistinct shouting]

Excuse me! Can I have your attention?!

Aah!

Aah! My camera!

Whoever you are looking for is not here.

So you can all leave. Begone.

What are these footprints, then?

And the distinctive smell?

And there's hair everywhere.

We don't believe you. We know he's in here somewhere.

Oh, well, uh... that is...

Panda's girlfriend.

What?

Her name is... Princess.

Yeah? Prove it! We know he's in here somewhere.

[all chanting] Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!

Please calm down, everyone.

[High-Pitched] Excuse me.

What's going on out here, babe?

Eugh!

Eugh!

Who are these people? Babe?

What? Me?

See? No way that thing's anyone's girlfriend.

It's hideous!

"Thing"?! [Whimpering]

[Groans]

How dare you talk to my Princess that way!

Hmnh!

This young lady is most definitely my girlfriend!

If she wasn't, how come I know that she's self-conscious about the size of her head?

Or that her fur is asymmetrical?

Or that she dreams about being a telephone pole and doesn't know how to flush a toilet properly?

And she's always using my toothbrush, even though she knows that hers is the blue handle!

And she's just so inconsiderate sometimes!

I just hate her!

[Voice breaking] I didn't know you felt this way about me.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, too!

[Both crying]

Um, we're gonna get out of your hair.

Yeah, maybe you should.

Panda: [crying] Forgive me!

[Crying continues]

[Both sniffle]

Hmm.

Grizz: Here you go. All set.

Hey, thanks for the gear. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but I've been here too long already.

No worries. We're glad you stayed.

You were the best first guest we could've asked for.

Ahhh! Thanks, you guys.

Hey, take care, big guy.

You too, man.

Uh... it was nice to meet you.

Yeah, it was, uh, good.

Leave us a good review on caveshare!

Okay!

Grizz: Lock the door.

[Lock clicks]