02x04 - Be First

Sean: So, Ruth, of all the senior living facilities, what made you choose Culver Crest?

Ruth: My children put me here.

Well, you ever think about moving to another facility?

Uh, sorry, who are you again?

Oh, my name is Sean, and this is Alvey.

Hi.

Oh.

You Linda's boys?

No, ma'am.

I'm one of the owners here, and this is my associate.

Oh. Good. Because I have a complaint.

Don Donahue gave me chlamydia.

[Snorts]

You find that amusing?

I do not.

Well, that's not the end of the world, ma'am.

As Alvey can tell you, a round of cipro will knock that right out.

But it's ruined my good name.

Don tells everyone that I gave it to him.

Folks will think I'm loose.

[Bell chimes]

Man: The early bird breakfast period is over.

Rising Robins starts now.

Well, thank you for your time, Ruth.

Help me up.

The runners are grabbing all the pancakes.

Nice to meet you.

Woman: Watch the chair.

Thank you.

Wow, wow, wow.

Senior living, Alvey.

It's a f*cking gold mine.

I gotta get the f*ck out of here.

CREDITS Every year, 3.5 million baby boomers retire.

The way medicine is going, they're gonna linger forever.

Where the f*ck do you think they're gonna live?

Right here. Hold on.

The last deal, the one in Pasadena...

I put in 25 grand, right?

In two months, 10 grand profit.

I know.

All my money's tied up in my gym.

Oh, yeah? Brand-new truck.

A bunch of guns.

You can't tell me you don't have any cash laying around.

Put it to work. Here. Read the prospectus.

It lays everything out. Passive income, Alvey.

That's how guys like us get to retire.

Not to mention, you got a kid on the way.

Okay.

All right?

Doctor: Now, that's a good-looking baby.

What are you gonna say, it's a monster?

I have gasped a time or two.

All babies are not beautiful.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Lift your feet.

Baby's hitting all the milestones.

Your A.F.P. came back normal.

You have a little sugar in your urine.

We'll keep an eye on that.

How are you feeling?

Like sh1t.

I thought that part was supposed to go away.

Mm, it's different for everyone.

Have you started thinking about a birthing plan, pain management?

Yeah, I want whatever you have.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't even know it's out until you showed it to me.

Okay, but I do suggest looking into natural childbirth options.

Even if you get an epidural, the techniques can help.

Okay.

That's it.

I want to know.

It's a boy.

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

Just get that...

[Rock music playing, weights clanging]

Hey.

Hey.

Where you been?

The doctor's.

Oh, sh1t. Did I forget?

No, it was just a checkup.

Oh, you know, if you give me a little heads up, I can come with.

You don't have to.

It's not about having to... I want to.

There's nothing for you to do.

All right, well, if there is something you may need me for, will you tell me?

Sure.

What?

She tell you what it is?

No.

Don't lie.

I didn't ask.

You didn't ask?

Mnh-mnh.

Look me in the eyes.

I didn't ask.

You didn't ask?

No.

Boy.

What makes you think it's a boy?

First of all, I can see it on your face, second of all, that's what I do I'm a maker of men.

[Laughs] Really?

It's a boy?

Wow.

Is it? Is it a boy?

I don't know.

Son of a bitch. Fellas!

[Schmaltzy music playing]

Man: We need a bagger at checkout four.

Keith.

What?

It's just food.

I don't even want to do anything to it.

I didn't even do anything.

You want me to get that for you?

No.

This guy right here?

I don't need it anymore, Ryan.

I'm rehabilitated.

I'm just gonna put it in the cart.

You can either have it or not have it.

Okay.

Don't want it, though.

All right, but don't wander off. We got sh1t to do, okay?

Come on. We're not done.

Hey, you ever think about getting an avocado tree?

Like, it might solve some problems.

We're in the middle of a drought, Ryan.

Those take so much water, it's not even funny.

[Sighs]

No, not the pintos.

We have to go, Ryan. Why?

I just gotta go, 'cause I'm not even allowed to be in here.

Legally.

Oh, is this the place?

Is this the place where you were...

It's one of them, yeah.

Oh, my God.

I've only done it in, like, four, but this is one of them.

Okay, go wait in the car. I got sh1t to do.

It's too hot out there.

Well, then keep your head down and put your hat over your face.

Okay.

[Can thuds]

Oh, my God.

[Crowd cheering]

[Bell dings]

[Sighs] My God.

You are obsessed.

You have to stop watching it.

Okay?

Let it go. Come on.

Come on.

[Exhales sharply]

I have a doctor's appointment.

Ugh.

For your concussion?

Uh-huh.

Well, good. You ate Advil like M&Ms.

It's gonna chew a hole through your stomach.

Yeah.

So can I come with you?

No, I'm sorry. I gotta go train after.

Well, can we do something tonight?

Whatever you want.

Will you be fun?

Yeah, I'll do my best, okay?

Okay.

Hang here for a while if you want, okay?

Okay.

I'll see you later.

Yes.

Okay.

All right, all right, I have to go.

I'm late.

[Sighs] All right.

I'll see you later.

[Sighs]

[Door closes]

[Bell jingles]

230 f*cking dollars for a f*cking prescription...

Are you serious?! It's f*ckin' robbery!

Oh, that is robbery. It's also a big pharma, Ryan.

A lot of fingers in that pie.

Yeah, I hope your dad appreciates it.

'Cause it is taking a chunk out of...

Why are you glaring at me?

[Seatbelt clicks, engine turns over]

I'm on your side. I think you're getting hosed.

All right
Yeah

Hi.

Hey.

Mmm. [Sighs]

Are you going to work?

Sure am.

You need a different job.

Like what?

You know...

Something that you like.

I don't know what I like.

Well, you know, maybe go work at a dog park or something.

People don't work in dog parks.

No, I know, but I'm talking about like a...

Like one of those doggie daycare spots.

Those things are popping up f*ckin' everywhere.

What did you and Laura do last night?

[Exhales sharply]

We...

Went to Sushi.

I love Sushi.

Where?

Mmm.

Nearby her place.

What's it called?

I don't remember.

Well, think.

It was Japanese.

What's it matter?

Okay. Sorry I asked.

Do you need a ride to work?

You know, I actually really like her.

We got a lot of time to talk at Nate's fight.

That's good. I'm glad to hear.

She's real easy to talk to.

Mm-hmm.

She acted very interested in me, which I thought was nice.

You guys ever gonna spend the night here?

Um, yeah, I'm sure we will.

It's just that her place is a little easier because she's got a bed, and I have a couch.

Which I don't mind.

Yeah, well...

I'm supposed to ask you for her number.

Why?

I want to start drawing again, and she said she could get me a discount on art supplies.

[Jar lid clatters lightly]

Come on, I gotta do something.

Can't flip burgers all day and then come home and stare at the walls.

That's not a life.

I need an outlet.

I need to f*cking feel something!

[Knife clatters]

Hey.

No throwing knives.

I am going to get you her number.

I'm gonna write it down.

[Drawer opens, closes]

You will use this number to call her and have the conversation...

You will have.

Okay?

And I'm gonna tell her that you're gonna call.

So you better call.

Thank you.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm sorry.

For what?

I'm okay.

I'm... I'm just in a rut.

Yeah, well...

You're gonna get past it.

I promise.

Call her, ma.

[Door closes]

[Rock music playing in gym]

What'd I do now?

Alvey?

I'm kidding.

[Sighs]

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the appointment.

Okay.

I'll come to the next one.

You know, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to come.

Hmm. I know.

'Cause you didn't seem interested.

How could I be interested in something I didn't know about?

I don't know.

And then when you weren't there, I was really mad.

Oh, so I f*cked up twice?

That's what it felt like.

[Scoffs] Wow.

Lisa, I don't know what the f*ck I'm doing.

Look at the two kids I got.

One's a mute, the other one's a f*ckin' lunatic.

You want me to guess at what you need, I'm gonna guess wrong, baby, every single time.

[Scoffs lightly]

You know what I think?

We need to communicate a little bit better.

Just don't be an idiot.

Okay. I'll try.

Well, have you talked to Jay yet?

I'm having lunch with him.

Can you please promise me that you'll hear him out?

I promise you.

What is that?

Chapas is putting this deal together deal with these retirement homes.

Kind of f*cking depressing, but it looks good.

He wants you to invest?

Yeah, I'm thinking about it.

That's a terrible idea.

Why? He's making a killing.

Oh, okay.

While you're at it, Joe Daddy has some stock tips for you.

Ha.

Juan's come up with an algorithm that's supposed to outperform the market.

Why don't you take a look at it before you sh1t all over it?

Oh, I'm good, thank you. Talk to Jay.

[Music continues]

All right, get up.

[Grunting]

All right, you're not gonna get up in the middle of the cage, so get to the fence, all right?

Okay.

Push on the head, scoot.

With this hand. You pushing?

Scoot, scoot, scoot.

There we go, work towards the fence.

All right, use the fence.

[Grunting]

Steps are... whoops!

Ugh!

All right, so I'm bigger, I'm stronger.

What are you gonna do? You need another technique.

[Chuckles]

All right, leave me a single. Give me one leg.

Okay. Good.

Now... there we go.

All right? Now a cross-leg stand-up.

[Grunts]

Good.

All right, now what?

Boom. There it is!

Nice.

That was simple.

Simple works.

Let's do it again.

Simple works.

Okay. Get down.

Yeah.

All right.

Good, nice. Here we are.

Nice and slow, there you go.

[Grunting]

All right. Use the fence.

Leave me that single. Post up.

[Grunts]

Okay, cross-leg stand-up.

[Grunts loudly]

[Laughs]

Doctor: Baby, monkey, perfume, sunset, iron, finger, penny.

Baby, monkey...

Perfume, sunset, iron, finger, penny.

Shoes off. I'm now gonna test your balance.

The first stance is standing with your feet together.

Try to maintain stability in that position for 20 seconds.

Begin.

Time.

Let me go again.

Doc? Doc.

Now, this is interesting.

You answered "no" to every single post-concussion symptom.

No neck pain, nausea, sensitivity to light or sound, agitation, balance problems, headaches.

[Slams book loudly]

I'm not gonna clear you, Nate.

I don't have any symptoms, okay?

You've had two significant head traumas within a short period of time.

That's an issue for anyone.

For a fighter, it's a serious problem that could alter the rest of your life.

I know how I feel. Okay, I'm fine.

I can't clear you.

I'm sorry.

I know that's not what you want to hear.

[Knock on door]

Mind if I'm in here?

No. No...

You want me to put some shorts on?

You're good. I won't look.

Ah, man.

[Sighs]

Do you live nearby?

Uh, in Glendale.

Is that where you're from?

No, I'm from Miami.

Came out here with a guy.

You still with him?

f*ck no. He was crazy.

Like... like what?

Coke, Molly, broke as sh1t all the time.

Then he started f*cking with bath salts and tried to stab me.

[Chuckling] No sh1t.

Fucker threw a knife at me.

It got stuck on the door like a carnival or something.

[Scoffs] Damn.

Yep.

Anyways, now I just stay friends, so it's cool.

f*ck.

It's hot as balls in here.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Thanks for letting me in.

Have a... nice shower.

♪ I can't fake it ♪
♪ Can't replace it ♪
♪ Can't erase what I've done ♪
♪ Go on, say it ♪
♪ I look naked ♪
♪ Can't please everyone ♪

Ho!

Hey. You see the doc?

Yeah.

And?

Good to go.

I call him, he tells me the same?

No, he doesn't say anything if you call, 'cause I'm a grown-ass man and that's illegal, so...

All right, let me see the papers.

I'm getting a second opinion.

Oh.

I want to fight.

I'm in the best shape I've ever been in.

Could have won that fight. I got caught, okay?

Yeah, I know. But I'm not letting you fight.

Why not?

Well, you got knocked the f*ck out, first of all.

Second of all, every promoter knows you're...

You're on a 45-day medical suspension, at least.

What about Garo?

What?

He buried Ryan's sh1t, why not mine?

First of all, that's a different story.

Second of all, lower your voice, okay?

I'm not letting you fight, do you understand?

You gotta slow down, you gotta heal up, then I get you a fight. But we have to be smart.

'Cause this next fight matters, Nate.

It matters a lot.

All right.

Just relax.

♪ To never let it show ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Gonna make you... ♪

[Punching bag rattles]

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Dog barks in distance]

[Sighs]

[Cellphone rings]

[Chuckles]

[Scoffs]

What the f*ck?

[Scoffs]

Holy f*cking sh1t!

[Object slams]

Good afternoon. Can I have...

[Clicks tongue]

I need some help.

What?

I need you to do me a favor.

I need you to tell Alvey to avoid the Internet at all costs, okay?

Specifically a website entitled Splitlip.Net.

Can you do this?

Why?

Just do it for me.

Is he gonna yell at me?

No.

Please, Shelby.

Please, help a brother out.

You should avoid the Internet at all costs.

What?

Especially Splitlip.Net. It's a blog.

Don't read it.

What the f*ck are you talking about, Shelby?

Splitlip?

Dot. Net!

[Panting]

"Why Alvey 'King' Kulina's Navy street MMA will never be relevant.

By Mario Goldsmith."

Who the f*ck is...

[Knock on door]

Got a sec?

Sure.

You hungry?

This?

Mm.

Oh.

Looks like turkey, Swiss, jalapeños, way too much mustard.

Still your favorite, eh?

Used to be.

This baby's kind of taking over.

I was wondering if we could talk business.

There's not really much to talk about.

You're locked up for six fights.

Yeah, I know. Um... You mind if I...

That's fine.

No, I was...

I was thinking more about sponsors.

I mean, I thought I had some things lined up, then they all kind of scattered after my last fight, so, there's that... I need money.

I need it fast, and I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't important, but it is.

Cocaine is expensive. You should try meth.

Yeah, that's fair, okay. Um...

No, a family situation has come up, and it's gonna cost a lot.

What happened?

Well...

I guess my mom can't handle things anymore, so we got a nurse for my dad.

So, what, did they split up, or...

I don't know.

But she's staying at my aunt's and...

That's why anything extra that I could be doing to be getting some sponsors or just to get some extra cash would be great.

I... it [Sighs]

What?

I'm not... I'm not dragging you into my sh1t, Lisa.

Mm.

I'm asking you if you can help me.

I'll make some calls.

Alvey: Mario. Mario Goldsmith.

Mario f*cking Goldsmith.

What kind of name is that, huh?

It's a blogger. It not a f*cking job.

I'm irrelevant? I'm f*cking irrelevant.

He's irrelevant.

Makes me f*cking sick.


[Gulls crying]

Anyway...

This fight with you and Ryan.

I've been giving it a lot of through.

I want to see it happen.

I do. Now is not the right time.

So when would the right time be?

When we get you a few more wins.

Oh, I see, Ryan came out of prison, and he had a title fight in front of him.

That was different.

Because he was in prison?

No, it's...

This isn't about Ryan, it's about you.

That's bullshit.

I'm in the gym every f*ckin' day holding up my end of the bargain, doing what I need to do and busting my ass.

I'm not getting in trouble. I'm f*cking living my life... what?

You were high as a f*cking kite at Ryan's fight.

Yeah, but I didn't get in trouble.

Oh, you didn't get caught.

I didn't go to prison!

Good for you, Jay. You didn't get caught.

[Ice rattles]

I understand how you feel, I do.

But there's a bigger picture here.

For who?

All of us. All of us... you, Ryan.

You, you, you. Me, Lisa, the gym.

You f*cking lose this fight, then what?

And you're at the bottom of the pile again.

Yeah, but have you thought about if I won the fight?

You win the fight, he gets another shot at you.

Not fair, but that's how it goes.

You and Ryan now is a nice fight.

It's nice.

We get you a couple more wins, maybe a belt, that's a f*cking monster fight.

[Ice rattles]

That's the payday.

[Ice rattles lightly]

The thing is... I don't really need you.

Alvey, I tell Garo that I want the fight...

Unaffiliated, and Ryan's not gonna duck me.

Ryan is not gonna fight you. I'll never let that happen.

But I got a plan.

You drop down to 145.

That's your f*cking plan? I starve myself to death?

Oh, come on, it's one weight class.

Some f*cking plan.

And you're little anyway.

f*ck off. That's a nasty cut, pops.

You know it better than I do.

Listen to me... We do it the right way.

You get a couple of wins, you get a f*cking belt, you fight Ryan... That's the play.

That's the play.

Will you think about it?

[Smooches]

Okay, so we've got canvasses, acrylics, brushes...

Yes.

Oh, these are amazing. You have to try these.

People love them. I personally don't...

They're a little too blunt for me...

But we'll see what you think.

Okay, what else?

Um, this is plenty.

Oh, you wanted charcoals.

Uh, you know, this is too much.

I've never even tried half this stuff.

Experiment, have fun.

You never know, maybe you're a painter.

Yeah, well, I... I really can't afford all this.

Oh, it's taken care of.

[Cash register beeping]

Laura, stop. Just stop. Stop.

This is just making me really uncomfortable.

It feels like pity.

That was not my intention.

I was not trying to insult you.

No, no, no. This is sweet.

This is so kind.

I mean, really... This is really very generous.

I... I don't know how much Jay has told you about me.

But I've had kind of a rough road.

Has he mentioned that?

I knew there was something, but he didn't share it.

I was addicted to heroin.

And, without going into all the gory details, I pretty much lost everything.

Including my ability to be a mother.

I left my boys.

I never for one second thought I wouldn't come back, but I didn't.

Jay had to come find me.

I'm only telling you this because I want you to know what you're getting into.

Jay's very sensitive.

And he doesn't always process his feelings in the best way.

But I've never seen him like this with a girl.

I can tell he's crazy about you.

[Chuckles]

Well, not that you asked... I'm sorry.

I don't know why I launched into all of that.

[Engine revs]

[Engine shuts off]

[Rock music playing in distance]

[Siren wails in distance]

You ever been to Del Mar?

I've never even heard of it.

Are you kidding me?

Hey, playboy.

She's not for you.

Oh. Okay.

Alvey: Move, move!

You parked in my spot.

Was that your spot?

Yeah.

You mean the one with your name on it?

Yeah, yeah.

Am I gonna get skull-fucked now or what?

No, you're not gonna get skull-fucked.

This is my gym, that's my f*cking spot, she's my assistant, you're my guest.

Copy.

So, did you take a look?

[Sighs] I did.

And?

It's very interesting.

I'm in.

15,000.

Buddy...

What?

It's 30 grand a share.

What 30 grand? You didn't...

That's... that complicates things, man.

I'll write you a check right now for 15,000.

No, no, listen, I tell you what.

We'll sit this one out, and you can come in on the next one.

Come on, man, you can't make an exception for me?

Uh, maybe...

Okay, maybe I can convince one of my guys to split his share.

I-I get it, I get it, buddy.

Look, you got a new gym, you're leveraged to the hilt.

Listen, I'm gonna go move my car, I'm gonna go say hi to Shelby.

[Chuckles]

Hey.

The next one.

[Door closes]

Quitter.

Where you going?

To grab some food.

What are you doing later?

Not much. Why?

I'm chilling at the house, having a couple drinks.

Come by, if you want.

Yeah, here.

Let me have your address.

I, uh... I do have a roommate.

He's a little weird.

What do you mean?

Uh...

It's hard to explain.

You'll see. Come over tonight.

See you then.

Where's Nate? Where the f*ck is Nate?!

He's over there.

You f*cking asshole!

You f*cked me last night, you f*cking pervert!

Man: Oh!

You f*cked me last night!

Shut the f*ck up.

Shut the f*ck up.

Hey, get out. Get the f*ck out!

Hey, move.

[Scoffs]

Casey.

I know about all your little boyfriends, you f*cking faggot.

Hey, shut up, please.

I saw everything.

Shut the...

All the texts and the random hook-ups.

Pictures of guys' f*cking dicks!

Are you kidding me?

I have to get tested now. Who knows what you have?

I didn't do anything.

How could you do that to me?

I didn't do anything. You have to calm down, Casey.

All right? It was... It was a f*cking joke.

All right, I never met...

I saw everything.

You're a f*cking homo. [Scoffs]

If I have something, like...

You don't.

Well, I'm not taking your word for it.

You're a f*cking lying piece of sh1t.

I can't believe it.

Casey, listen. Listen, you're wrong, okay?

You can't tell anybody. Please.

[Scoffs] You're disgusting.

You need major psychological help.

Hi, it's Laura.

Leave a message and I'll call you back.

Hi, it's Laura. Leave a mess...

[Sniffs, sighs]

[Line ringing]

Christina: Hi!

Hey, are you with Laura?

No. She dropped me off a couple of hours ago.

How long?

Well, I don't know. Like, a couple of hours.

Did something happen between the two of you that I should know about?

Like what?

I don't know.

No, she seemed perfectly fine.

We had a nice day.

[Engine turns over]

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Chapas, it's Alvey.

Get your ass down to the gym and bring a bottle.

Something good.

See you soon.

[Doorbell rings]

Hey, what are you doing here?

Uh, I was in the neighborhood.

All right, well, I'm super late. Come on in.

I tried to contact you all day today.

Yeah. My phone died.

[Door closes, lock engages]

Are you... are you going somewhere tonight?

Yes.

Where?

To a charity event.

Where?

The Getty.

A-are you going with somebody?

Would you stop interrogating me?

I'm just asking basic information.

Well, let's just talk about this tomorrow, okay?

Talk about what? Talk about what tomorrow?

You're being kind of aggressive right now, and it's making me uncomfortable.

I-I can't...

I haven't heard from you, so I just came by to make sure you were okay.

Why, because we haven't talked in three hours?

No, 'cause usually you text me right back.

I don't usually do anything, Jay.

We barely know each other.

Have I done something wrong?

I just don't like being accounted for.

[Phone chimes]

And the car's here now. I can't get into this right now.

Can we just talk about it tomorrow?

Here. Can you do my dress?

Please?

Yeah. I'm coming.

All right, I'll... Call you when I wake up.

[Laughing]

You're a f*cking animal!

[Laughing]

Keith: Thank you for saying that, Alicia.

My spirit animal...

Is the prairie dog.

But I identify more closely with the hippo.

Dude, I f*cking love you.

[Laughs]

No, you don't.

Love... that's [Scoffs]

So tell me, do you do any fighting?

Not until I met Ryan Wheeler.

Because...

Ryan, he taught me, he showed me that you...

Always punch through the face.

And to always be first.

[Chuckles]

That's the name of the game in prison.

[Chuckles]

Michael learned that the hard way.

Who's Michael?

Okay, I think...

Michael is the guy that I stabbed to death during breakfast.

What the f*ck?

Okay, somebody's a little bit hammered, my friend.

Are you f*cking serious?

I think... Let me take that.

I butchered him, but I was in a frenzy, and... nope.

This is what I was saying about him being weird.

I was thinking about...

Hmm?

Let's get you some water.

Let's get her some water.

She's good.

Stay hydrated.

Yeah.

Come on, water buffalo.

Wait. I'm not a hippo.

See, he doesn't listen.

Ryan: That's what I meant.

What?

[Laughs]

Alvey: Look at you, man.

You drink the best whiskey, you drive a nice Porsche, you got so much business, you need two phones.

Hey, gotta make hay when the sun's shining.

[Sighs]

m*therf*cker, are you rich?

Yes. But I want to be wealthy.

That's phase two.

Oh.

You talk to your guys?

I did.

It's not gonna happen, man. I'm sorry. Next time.

Yeah. Gotta be the 30k, right?

Mm.

[Clears throat]

[Sighing]

Well, f*ck it.

30k it is.

[Chuckles]

Alvey, are you sure, man?

Hey, man, I looked it over a few times.

Looks good, looks legit.

There are no guarantees. You sure you can carry this?

You gonna f*cking insult me, or are you gonna take my money?

All right, all right.

Welcome aboard.

Let us drink.

You f*ck me on this, I'm gonna kill you.

You're gonna have to find me first, m*therf*cker.

[Glasses clink]

[Knock on door]

What?

[Door opens]

Honey, I'm kind of in the middle of something.

What happened today with Laura?

Give it a rest, Jay.

Mom.

What, did she say something?

No, it's not, did she say something, it's how she's acting.

This morning, she was all over me.

This afternoon, it's like I can't stop bothering her.

Well, maybe you are.

What?

Jay.

Mm-hmm.

Things go at different speeds for different people.

And she may not have the same feelings you do right now.

That wasn't the case until today.

And now the mysteries of love are fault?

She's just with you.

Just... so what do you think I'm thinking right now?

You're being too needy.

Maybe that's what she's reacting to.

It's not attractive.

Now, can I have some privacy?

I'm trying to sketch.

[Papers rustling]

Ryan: Well.

Is he all right?

Passed the f*ck out... Face down, just...

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Dude, he's a trip. [Laughs]

I love him. He's hysterical.

Cheers.

To big checks and great s*x.

Mmm.

Okay?

Okay, so I have a question.

This seems serious.

You ready?

What did you do to piss off your boyfriend so f*cking badly that he decided to wing a knife at your face?

Come on.

Why, 'cause it always has to be the girl's fault?

Right?

I mean, I didn't say that.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Isn't it possible he could just be some psychotic piece of sh1t?

Yeah.

No, but really, what did you do?

[Chuckles] f*ck off.

You burn his f*cking toast?

Like, shrink his favorite sweater?

Yeah, that's exactly what I did.

I f*cked his laundry up. [Laughs]

No, tell me, what was it?

No, it's my f*cking business.

I'm not asking you why you went to prison.

I put my dad in a wheelchair. Everybody knows that.

I want to know about you.

Fine.

Uh, short version...

I just didn't want to f*ck him anymore.

So I went somewhere else.

Where?

His cousin's.

Dirty.

Look, he was a mean m*therf*cker.

He deserved it.

He made me feel like sh1t.

Remind me not to f*ck with you ever.

Yeah, well, remind me never to f*ck with Keith.

[Chuckles]

Come on, fill me up. Let's go again.

Alvey: Ah ah ah.

You flag me with that f*cking gun one more time, I'm gonna shove it up your ass.

It's not loaded.

Respect the weapon.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

Uh-huh.

You hang out here a lot?

Every f*ckin' day.

No, I mean like this, right now.

At night?

More and more lately.

It's the only place I can come to relax.

I know exactly what you're saying, man.

I was never housebroken myself.

Misha could never get that.

"He who makes a beast of himself...

Gets rid of the pain of being a man."

There's no way you f*cking made that up.

Hunter S. Thompson.

Ah, Hunter S. Thompson.

That guy knows some sh1t.

Did.

Put a bullet in his head.

Hey, you ever hear of a guy named, um...

M-Mario Goldsmith?

No, who's that?

Ah, this jerkoff blogger. Murdered me in his website.

Oh, yeah?

Splitlip.Net.

Oh, yeah? What did he say?

Let me see it.

Hurt my feelings.

Jesus.

Yeah.

I want to kill the cocksucker.

Hey, you know what?

We should write him back. [Chuckles]

Yeah?

Oh, yeah. You want to?

"Dear your mother's c**t."

Oh, I like that. That's beautiful.

[Laughs]

"Dear your father's"...

Oh, that's better!

"c**t."

That's better!

[Both grunting]

Keith, go back to bed, pal.

[Sneezing]

Keith!

f*ck, man, go back to bed, bro!

Who cares! Just keep going!

What?

Yeah!

[Both moaning]

Oh! Aah!

♪ All night into the dawn ♪

[ringtone chimes]

Hey.

This a bad time?

No. What's up?

How did it go today?

Oh, he killed it, then he said I should drop a weight class.

What do you think?

I think, f*ck him, and why the f*ck not?

Honestly, Jay, do you think you can make the cut?

I mean, do I really have a choice?

f*ck it.

I don't care how much it hurts.

Lisa?

I'm here.

If I do this, I want to be treated like a priority.

Or I'm leaving.

You will be, I promise.

Yeah. Good night. Kiss the baby for me.

♪ I know you'll never run away ♪
♪ I know you'll never run away ♪
♪ I know you'll never run away ♪
♪ I know you'll never run away ♪
♪ You had it on my day ♪

[sniffing]

♪ you had it on ♪
♪ You had it on my day ♪
♪ Each morning we marry ♪
♪ It's just almost gorgeous a day ♪
♪ I know you'll never run away ♪

[ CREDITS ]