02x04 - Cherry Blossoms

Good morning. Did you have any dreams?


I never remember my dreams.

You have plans today?


Don't think I don't notice.

You coming and going and Trotskying all over the place.

Staying out all night.

I stayed at my friend's.

I can come and go as I please.

I'm not asking to be Velcroed to your hip.

I just think it would be nice to go out together in public every once in a while.

Do I make you happy?

You do.

I told you everybody would have wacky hair except us.

Uh, no. Actually, you were worried that no one would.

So you made me wash it out and then put it back and then wash it out again.

Because you only had one dumb barrette and silver spray that hurt my eyes.

All right, well, I have the moose ears and the crown, if you wanna wear the moose ears and the crown.

It's just a stupid hat. It's not stupid hat day.


You're the worst...

Thank you. Bye. Thank you.

Stuart, nice.

Come, like, around six?



Hi. Good morning.

Um, regarding Wacky Hair Day. The thing is, kids are naturally anxious about their appearance just really on any given day, so to disrupt the routine, you know, a routine that some of us are barely hanging on to just to get them dressed and out the door and get the snack made and get the lunch made and get the sunscreen on and get them in the car and get them here on time, and then you, kind of, add this, um, lunatic wacky hair wrench into the works...

Sarah, are you okay?

Uh, no.

No. I...

I'm a single parent now.

And I don't...

Okay. Come on.

I don't know how anybody does anything.

I know how hard it is, okay?

Spirit Week is a wonderful but intense time for all of us.

Pajama Day, Favorite Superhero Day, the "Gayla," it's...

Oh, f*ck. The Gala.


The Gala.

What's up, dude? Oh!


Sorry. Uh...

No, it's okay.

Do your thing.

I'll be right out.

Okay. Yeah.

I just busted Colton, and he was, like, praying, like, all on his knees with his hands clasped.

It was like one of those Precious Moments figurines in there.

That's a way to do it.

It was a little embarrassing.

I pray.

Right. Of course.

Um, you are a rabbi.

And you, um... You do that?

I guess...

At my old house, I had, like, a cushion, and I just kind of... had a special place, and I made it a point every morning and evening, and...

Do you have an area here?


No, I've been slacking off.


We gotta get you, like, a setup with a cushion and the whole thing, right?

I'm... Yeah, 'cause I guess I'm not an on-your-knees kind of a gal.

Hey, what's up?

We were just talking about how awesome it is that you have a spiritual practice, and how I have one as well.

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, I mean, the both of you guys.

I'm, like, the heathen up in this house.

No, you're not.

Please don't say that.

You're a spiritual person. You just don't have a practice...

A practice. Yeah.

...that's personal.

What kind of stuff do you pray about?

Oh, I pray for you guys, for the pregnancy, obviously, um, my family back in Overland Park, and Rita a lot.

Recently, ever since I moved in with you guys, I don't know, something hasn't been sitting right with her.


All right, let's do this.

Yeah, okay.

Let's do this!

All right.

The people in my group at the LGBT center, they say that you have to have a letter if you're gonna physically...

We don't need that anymore.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Well, that's progress.

I'd like to begin you on a low dose of a testosterone blocker.

Not the Lupron?

Yes, well, yes.

Because Medicare might not cover Lupron.

I have Blue Cross. I have a PPO.

I gave them... that person at the desk.

Okay, then.

Are you sexually active?

Yes, somewhat.

I mean, I would like...

I want to do more.


What kind of s*x are you having? Do you top or bottom?

I really... Actually, Doctor, I don't understand... the sexual position...

What does that have to do with my health?

Hormone treatment may prevent you from sustaining an erection.

I didn't know that.

Do you plan on getting breasts?

Two, please.

Do you plan on undergoing gender reassignment surgery?

I'm gonna have to get back to you on that one.

Mrs. Pfefferman, do yourself a favor and get to know your body.

Cute nose.

Say we live together when we're old at a place like this...

It's not as depressing as it seems...

Bunks or side-by-side?



I want the bottom.


Hi. Hi, Rose.

Hi, it's Ali.

Your granddaughter Ali.

We haven't seen each other in a really long time.

Rose, do you remember me?


You're here.



Told you about that!

So, look, I was thinking about what you said this morning about Rita and stuff.

I was thinking we should have her over for dinner.

We can, like, make her a part of our bigger family, right?


That'd be good?

Yeah. Yeah.

So they say the first step is asking for help, so help.

I'm just like... I've never really seen a rab...

I'm not really usually into the whole rabbi thing.

'Cause it's, like, mostly guys with beards that creep me out, but, I don't know, you're cool.

Cool rabbi.

There's so much stuff going on at school.

And every time I go there, I wanna go hide in a corner.


It's like I am family-less so they don't know what to do with me.

Don't care about those moms.

Everyone feels like they're on the outside.

Not just you.

You're happy.

How did you get to be so happy?

I'm not happy all the time.

You seem pretty happy.

Like, every time I see you, you're pretty...

I'm as confused and complicated as any other person.



You're like so...

Just go, just easy.

I mean, I can just talk to you as... as, like, a friend right now and not...

Yeah! Oh, my God! Please.


No, I mean, it's like...

No, I'm sorry.

I got a Rita in my life.

Yeah, of course.

And it's becoming very obvious that, if... we want Colton, which he does, which we do, then we're also going to get Rita.

What do you mean?

You said he was already giving us that date.

Jesus. Yeah. Okay.

Speak to you Monday.

f*cking judges. So f*cking judgmental.



Let me know if you need anything else.

Orrin, can you just leave it open?

I'm gonna have another sunser and, um, and one for, um... the lawyer is it?


'Cause I think, um...

Thank you.

...you need something. You need a little relief.

I do.

I do. Thank you.

You're very welcome.

What kind of lawyer are you?

Uh, probate.


You? You an attorney?

No, but I follow the law to a "T".

You have a nice laugh.


Here you go.

Here. Cheers.


To a better day.

Thank you.

I'm Maura.

Hi. Cynthia.


Could we have a menu for the tapas?

Let's have some tapas.

We can share some.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, I'm good.

No, please. I don't want to eat.

In fact, I'm gonna get a table, 'cause I need to really spread out.

But thank you. I just... I have a laptop and all this stuff, so I'm gonna...

Would you see if there's a table?


Thank you.

Can I have my check, please? Can I have the check?

I'm gonna go, and you're gonna stay.

No, it's fine.

No, no, no.

I need a table anyway.

I'm going. You're staying.

You're gonna have a nice day. You deserve it.

And, um...

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

I just wanna be at a table and spread out and do the work.

That's all.

I got it.

Have a nice night.

Thank you, Orrin.

Hi. Sarah Pfefferman.

Um, P-F.

Hmm. I don't see you here.

Sarah Novak?

I have a Len Novak plus one.

Yeah, that's me.

But they are already checked in.



Mama! Hello!


These fuckers are 25 bucks apiece.


Put the stubs in the bucket.


Put the bucket on.

Okay. It's very festive.

Please try to sell half.

I got it. Okay.

It's for the children.

I got it.

Children, tickets, 25 dollars each.

Hey, you want some raffle tickets?

Nobody forced you to do it.

Hi, Sarah. Hi.

Hi. How are you?

Hi, Melanie.

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

Nice to see you.

I'm selling raffle tickets. Do you guys want some?

Hey, did you notice a stain on the rug when you were at the house last week?

No. No, that's so...

It's probably, like, kid's tempera. It'll come out.

Melanie's missing an eye shadow palette.

A what?

An eye shadow palette.

Eye shadow palette. That's so weird.

What's that? I've never heard of that.

What's an eye shadow palette?

It's a case with all the colors.

Wow. That must be why your eyes are so pretty, 'cause you have all the colors.

It's $485.

That's expensive.

It's not important.

It's fine.

I hope you find it.

Okay, thank you. Bye.

Okay, bye.

Excuse me. Can I just get a drink, please?

Thank you. Okay.

She's here! Please come in.

Hi! Here's your boy.

Oh, this feels good. It's great to see everybody.

I would have brought a bottle.

Oh, please, no worries.

Anything, we've got, um...

I didn't have enough time.

We could sit, or do...

Or I could have brought a...


No, we're good.

Oh, you know, pizza's here.

So why don't we just...

Good, good, good.

Good idea. Yeah, yeah. Good. Here, go ahead.


I saw spores around... around the basement.



Sort of like hairy little animals but they're kind of pretty.

It's not black mold.

Oh, I don't know.

'Cause it's like nothing I've seen before.

Everybody thinks it's black mold.

It's probably not. Trust me.

How do you know that?

Is it on the sink side?

I'm telling you. Is it on the sink side or the fridge side?

It's on the fridge side.

It's probably not.

I think it would be terrific if you came over and took a look.


That sounds like a professional, like a professional should be...

Yeah, we'll call somebody and we'll get them to come.

I'll call somebody out. I'll Yelp it.

I don't want strangers in my house.

I have to clean then.

I could help out.

Maybe I could take a look at it.

You just tell me what to do.

You don't know anything about black mold.

I'd love to learn. You know?

What are you doing?

Sly and the Family Stone.


Come on, sing. Yeah?

I heard it on the radio this morning.

I thought it was apropos.

Okay, all right, that's enough.

That's enough.

Okay, party pooper.

Okay. Dessert.

Who wants some dessert?

Raquel made a beautiful peach pie with some...

No, no, no, keep it here. I'll take it home. I'll box it up.

Yeah, okay, that's great.

I love whipped cream.

Yeah, I love whipped cream, too.

That woman is bat sh1t f*cking crazy.

I don't want her in this house.

I... We will never do this again.

I swear to God. It's just for Colton.

Just for Colton?

I think Gershon was Rose's brother.

But it's all very murky. They don't tell me anything.

But where are they from? Poland? Lithuania?

My people, we are from Latvia.

My people came from Germany...

Berlin, and then left in the 30s.

That's Weimar. That's like "Cabaret."

But I think they were, like, Polish peasants before they got to Berlin.

I need to get some family deets into this essay.

She only accepts three grad students a year.

I need to knock those boxers off of Leslie.


Welcome to the Institute for Sexual Research, where we believe that wide range of sexualities, including homosexuality, are normal.

Cross-dressers, transvestites hermaphrodites, everyone is welcome here.

Open-minded folks such as yourselves can understand the need for a safe haven for those of us who are neither male nor female as you understand them.

And this is our fearless leader, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld.

You might also think of him as the Isaac Newton of s*x.

Our hospital wing is downstairs.

But for now, follow me to the library.

So now that she's dead, I just feel like you have all these redhead girls running around town trying to pay an homage, but to me it's not an homage, it's highway robbery.

Do you see them? They're doing exactly what she did.

They're not changing.

Sit down. Chocolate?

You look skinny.

We need money.


Dad left.

What do you mean, just gone?

He left. And Mom wants to go find Dad in American states.

And we need money for boat tickets and a bribe for the visas.

Oh, my God. This sh1t is fascinating.

Did you know there is such a thing as inherited trauma in your actual DNA?

No, I did not.

They did this study on bunnies where they give them electric shocks where they were smelling cherry blossoms and the bunnies' babies and their babies, the grandbabies, they were all afraid of cherry blossoms.

That's a really mean thing to do to bunnies.

So it's like the bunnies were in the cage watching while their grandparents got shocked?

No, they weren't even born yet.

They weren't even conceived yet.

They weren't even a twinkle in the grandma bunny's eyes.

It was inherited in their DNA.


It's incredible. It's called epigenetics.

Wait. Say that again.

But slower.


Yeah, like that.




Like that butt up in the air.

Thanks for being my study buddy and coming to the library.

You're welcome.

Can I get you to wear these husky plus waist sized jeans?

Who you calling husky plus?

Looking at two more minutes to buy those raffle tickets!

Just two!

I'm sorry, Poppy, I could only sell six.

I really need you to sell, like, 19 more, though.

Look, I tried, okay?

Everyone's bought them, or I don't know what.

Yeah, I know, sorry. We're trying to get organic school lunches.

Okay, you know what? Okay, okay, okay.

I get it, I get it! Okay? I will buy them myself.

I'll just buy the 19, and you can just put it on my credit card.

Take that.

Why don't I fill them out?

Okay? I'll just take these, and I'll fill them out.

Okay. Thank you.

Want a balloon?

Oh. God.

You're kind of ignoring me. You don't have to do that.

You can just totally hang out with me, and it would be a lot more fun.

What is this? Is that a neck tattoo?

I am becoming. You know, becoming.

It's got, like, a double entendre.

You're drunk again, aren't you?

I have something I need to tell you.

Why are you drinking?

I need to tell you something.

What do you have to tell me?

I need to take you in the thing.

Take my balloon. You gotta come with me.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

I got my name in under the wire.

I am now officially a candidate for president of the condo board.

Screw Rosalie Roman.

Oh, my God. Look at me.

I'm a real live politician. You didn't like it.


Turkey meatballs were dry. I should have cracked an egg.

I knew I should have cracked an egg.

I said to myself, "Shelly..." But you know what?

I didn't want to spend the money. Is something wrong?

You want your coffee?


You want me to warm it up?


Let's watch some television.


Here. What do you wanna watch?

I don't know. You decide, okay?

Okay. You want news or something with a story?

No, I... You decide.


Ooh, let's see.

Ooh, that's... What do you say?

Oh, "Dancing With The Stars."

All right.

Oh, I don't know. What do you think?

This is "Scandal."

What do you want?

I don't know. I'm not sure.

I don't know what I'm in the mood for.

I can't tell. All right.

Oh, I like this. This is good. Is this good for you?

Stop worrying what's good for me, okay?

I'm fine. What do you want?

Just choose something, okay?

Just make a choice.

Make yourself happy, What did you want to tell me?

What did you want to tell me?


I don't think this is okay.

What are we... Stop. What... I can't...

What the...


Stop. Stop, stop, stop.

What do you mean?

Stop. I can't do this.

And the winner is Sarah Pfefferman!

Wait. What is that? Did you hear that?

Someone's calling your name.


Here she is!

You won! You won the raffle!

Come on! Congratulations!

It's the TV!

Oh, God.

Okay. And you don't have to take it home with you. We will deliver it.

I have, like, a really small apartment, though. I don't even...

You can go down now.

I don't really...


It's okay.


Let's give her a hand.

The winner of the six sessions with life coach Laura Milton Kaufberger is...

Sarah P!

Sarah, you won again!

Oh, that is so fixed!

Come on up!

So fixed!

I don't... Why...

She can't win twice in a row!

Do you wanna just, like, maybe, um...

Totally... pick it... draw again?

'Cause I already... I mean, if you wanna pick somebody else.

I really don't need a life coach session.

No, she's great.

I don't really care if she's good.

I don't want the life coach sessions.

No, I need you to take this.

I don't need... I'm not f*cking taking the life coach sessions!

Just f*cking take it.

Yeah, okay, that's fine, I'll take it, thank you.

Thank you.