01x04 - Thirsty as F**k

[music playing]

♪ You could be anywhere ♪
♪ Now you see I don't care ♪
♪ Back and forth, all about ♪
♪ So is life, in and out ♪
♪ You can do anything ♪
♪ See what the future brings ♪
♪ Have a job, all alone ♪
♪ Have a life of your own ♪
♪ Only... ♪
♪ Only... ♪

Come on, man.

[shower running]

Issa. Hey, we gotta get a new couch.

Yeah, I know.

Damn, you look good.

All sweaty and stuff.

Yeah?

Why don't you come look good in here?

Oh, okay. Yeah, cool.

Mm. Hey. Hey.

Hey.

[both moaning]

Mm, f*ck! Oh, my God, this is hot!

Is this the temperature you normally keep it at?

Yeah...

This is way too hot.

Okay, okay. Stand here and put it the temperature you want it.

Okay, all right. Let me get that.

Cool. Okay, but now I'm not getting any water.

Fine, stand here and I'll move here.

Okay.

Oh, no, watch out! That's my shampoo. And it's slippery there.

My dad had a friend who got paralyzed like this.

Lawrence, are you really thinking about your dad right now?

No! I'm thinking about his paralyzed friend.

Okay.

Okay, come on.

All right. Oh! No!

[feet squeaking]

♪ Nobody move, there's blood on the floor ♪

♪ And I can't find my heart... ♪

[Lawrence chuckles]

Should we try spooning?

[chuckles] Stop!

Gross! I love you, but gross.

Whatever.

Stay with it.

I kind of like this one.

I love this one.

Yeah?

And I can watch you do work while I sit back.

Huh? Huh?

All right.

What do you think?

I think I want it.

And I think we should get it.

Yeah?

Yes, please.

Okay.

You don't need the pump, Frank.

Lotion already comes in a pump.

You're gonna transfer all that lotion from the pump it already comes in to this new pump for no reason?

I hate you.

[mouths words]

Is that what I sound like?

I'm just trying to tell you.

Stop.

Put the pump down! Put it down!

They'll hear you.

She hates him.

She... [laughs]

Is that what we sounded like at Rite Aid?

No! We were arguing about travel panties.

Duh.

Well, just so you know...

Hmm?

I will always... let you buy a lotion pump.

You know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that?

Hmm? Come here. Mm-wah.

Hey, Frank was right, though.

I mean, what if you get bulk lotion? Where's that supposed to go?

Right? Dude knows what's up.

Mm-hmm.

I just don't understand why it's taking you so long to answer one simple question.

Because it's a tough question.

You go first.

Okay.

TLC, Jodeci...

Mm-hmm.

702, Dru Hill, and Xscape.

Xscape?

Mm-hmm.

Wow. That first album is a classic.

Stop it.

You're stalling again.

Okay, if I had to choose, my top five would be...

Okay.

112, Blackstreet, also Jodeci, Boyz II Men, and Color Me Badd.

Oh, no. Waitress, check, please.

And can you also revoke his black card while we at it?

"I Wanna s*x You Up" Color Me Badd?

That's the one.

Now, that was just bad. Mm-mm.

Yo, I am so glad this hasn't been a "one and done" type of thing.

What do you mean?

I just haven't met someone in a while that I actually wanna go on multiple dates with.

Wow. That makes me happy to hear.

Yeah.

Mm.

Oh, how was your work dinner last night?

You didn't text me when you got home.

Oh, yeah, my bad.

After I left, I was so tired, I just crashed.

Oh, okay. Well, you know I just wanted to know that you got home safely.

That's all.

I appreciate the concern. Thank you.

You are welcome.

You know, it's just the little things.

Yeah.

♪ You know I love the way you lie to my face ♪
♪ You know I love the way you lie... ♪

So I was like, "The fact that the client "imposed this operational status with uniformity does not make it liable. There is a substantial amount of case law that supports..."

Black people stay loud.

They ain't know what to do with your girl!

Rasheeda was a thoughter. They ain't ready.

They ain't ready.

♪ You know I love the way you lie to my face... ♪

Frieda: Oh, hi. Hey, can I help you?

Yeah, I just wanted to talk to, uh, Issa.

Oh, hi. I'm Frieda. I'm her partner.

Daniel. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

What do you do?

Daniel: I'm in music.

Oh, my God, I love music! Cool!

Yeah, Issa's right over there, yeah. Do you see her?

Yeah. Thank you.

Issa, your friend is here.

Daniel: Nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you, too.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Look, I'm sorry for coming to your job.

Um, I was in the neighborhood and, uh... can... can we talk?

Can we...?

Uh, sure.

Iss, I'm sorry about what happened in your car that night.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, I... [sighs]

That was the first time that we had hung out in, like... like, five years.

I... I just should've handled it differently.

Yeah, well, I was going through a lot that night, so...

Still, though, you know, we go back.

I just... I don't want things to be off between us.

Well, me neither.

You know, maybe I should've answered your calls and returned your texts.

It's all good.

So, just... so, how you been?

I'm good.

Work is cool.

Oh, and I'm back with my boyfriend.

We had broken up that night, but, you know, uh, we made up.

Oh, um, that's great.

So, what you're saying is my timing is perfect, right?

So perfect.

Yeah.

Well, I know you got a lot of work to do.

It was... it was good to see you.

Mm-hmm.

It was great seeing you, too.

Oh.

Hey, that empanada place, is it... is it good?

Mm, it has a C rating.

But it is worth it.

[chuckles] Okay.

Bitch, what?! That nigga came up to your job?

I know! I didn't know what his ass was gonna do.

Well, what did he say? What did he want?

He just wanted to apologize for what went down.

It was crazy!

Wait, that's it?

That's why I told everyone I needed the conference room for an hour?

No, girl. That's how this sh1t always happens.

Okay? Just when things are going good in your relationship, exes always have a way of popping the f*ck back up.

Okay, it's like Lawrence and I just leveled up, like, "bloop-bloop," and then here comes Daniel.

That nigga showing up to your job is kind of stalkerish, though.

Right?! It's, like, back up!

Stop smiling at me, asking me about empanadas and sh1t.

He did look good, though.

He did?

No, I mean, but he always looks good. He's fine or whatever.

He just, like, works out and he's really... he's tall.

Issa.

What?

Bitch, you just said you and Lawrence "bloop-blooped" or whatever.

You know Daniel is your Achilles dick.

No, okay?

I told him I'm back with Lawrence, and we're good.

It's over. I handled it.

Anyway, you all set to come to Career Day?

The kids are excited.

sh1t.

Girl, I forgot. And work is piling up right now.

Um, can I let you know?

I hate you so much.

Black people stay trifling.

Don't they, though?

So, were you talking to Dr. Bae?

Who, Michael? No, that's over.

Wait, what? I thought he gave you marriage eyes.

Apparently, those were just his regular eyes.

I just wish he would've given me some sort of explanation, you know?

Instead, he's all, "I'm too busy to date right now."

Really?

Why would you go on three dates with me, then?

Exactly. Asshole.

It's fine, though. I already have another League date for tonight.

Go, Molls!

Yes!

Hey, Molly.

Diane.

Hi.

Diane, Gabe wanted to talk to you about the Emerson case.

But I'm not on that case.

Oh, well, then you better go tell him that.

[clears throat]

[both sigh]

Don't you just love the new summer associate class?

Oh, yeah. I better watch out or one of them's gonna try and take my job.

[both laugh]

Yeah. And Rasheeda is really funny.

Yeah, she's hysterical.

But, uh, I don't know.

A... a few of the other partners and I have noticed that she's been a little, you know...

She's not quite adjusting to the culture here like some of her fellow interns.

Ah.

And we just feel that it would be great for you to have a chat with her, because it wasn't so long ago that you were a summer associate.

Mm.

♪ You can do anything ♪
♪ See what the future brings ♪
♪ Now that you're all alone ♪

♪ Have a life of your own... ♪


[engine turns off]

[sighs]

Well, the more applications you launch, the more physical RAM you use, so you wanna make sure and shut it down from the dock.

Just saves up some space.

I'll do that next time. Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey, great job there.

Thanks.

You know, most people think you can shut down from the window, but it just takes...

So, Todd is out sick.

He's got adult chickenpox, whatever, so we're gonna need you to cover Connected Home & Housewares for a week.

Specifically, washers and dryers.

Oh, I don't know anything about washers and dryers.

Oh, that's okay. You're smart; you'll catch on.

Right, but, um, I was hired because I know computers.

Have you been back there? Those dryers are full of computers.

You'll crush it.

Man on P.A.: Can we get some assistance in Washers and Dryers?

Do you wanna confirm the guests and I'll work out the schedule?

Sure. But first, a toast to finally hanging out.

I mean, you know, who knows?

Maybe one day, we can go out like real friends.

[both chuckle]

So, I'm thinking 20 minutes for each speaker.

Okay.

Let the kids Q & A for 10, and then we can rotate each speaker...

Oh, sh1t! sh1t.

Patricia never confirmed with her guy, the painter, and now she says he can't come.

I have an opinion on that.

You know, she was my partner last year and she's totally nice, but she does this kind of thing all the time.

She's so nice, though.

Oh, my God.

Do you hate Patricia?

I never said that.

No, I never said that. She's great.

Is she?

I hate her so much.

She's the worst!

The worst!

The way she just rolls her eyes when you ask her to do anything.

And she takes a 30-minute break after her lunch break.

It's, like, that's what your lunch is for.

I think she walks to Ralph's to poop.

Ugh, Patricia's guy was the only one we had who did anything in the arts.

We need someone creative.

Wait, hey, what about your friend Daniel?

Huh? Why... why him?

Well, he said he worked in music.

Yeah, but... pfft, ah.

Mm.

Could you ask him?

I mean, I... I guess I could.

Uh, he's probably busy.

But if... but if you want me to...

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. Great.

So, how long were you waiting to get into The League?

Just a few months.

Oh, me, too.

And, uh, so, what firm are you at again?

I'm at Merrill, Johnson, and Schwartz.

Okay. I've come up against you guys before.

Yeah, pretty solid firm.

I guess.

Why? What happened?

It's just some work drama.

One of the partners asked me to talk to the other black girl at work.

They thought she was being a little extra.

Was she, though?

I mean, she was, but I'm not the black translator here to tell the colored folks what "massa" think they done wrong.

Like I'm some "House Molly."

Like you Sam Jackson in "Django."

Right?! I'm Django!

It's hard being Django.

I mean, stuff like that happens to me all the time at work.

Yeah?

One of the partners at my firm tries to fist bump me every time we talk.

Shut up.

This nigga even did it in court once.

No, stop it.

But, no, you can never let those white people stress you out.

I'm sorry. I was being so negative.

Don't be.

Come on.

[music playing]

♪ Girl ♪

♪ They don't know of your worth ♪

♪ Tell 'em you're my girl ♪
♪ And anything you want is yours ♪
♪ Mm, yeah ♪

♪ Passion burning ♪
♪ Causing rapture ♪
♪ Of laughter ♪
♪ Pressure building ♪

♪ Falling faster ♪
♪ And faster ♪

♪ If I told you that you... ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Mm, I know this is weird, but I was too scared to eat on the new couch.

[laughs]

How was work?

It's a job.

Damn, Lawrence. That's like how prostitutes say it.

It's a job.

Mm, did you eat at work?

Oh, yeah. Frieda just ordered pizza.

Pow!

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

So, you're good for Career Day?

Yeah. We are all set.

Is this from Pie Hole?

Yep.

Mm.

It was the last day for pumpkin.

You know my heart.

I know your heart.

[horn honking]

Hey, Hannah. Your assistant said this was a good time?

Oh, uh, of course. Come on in.

[exhales]

I just wanted to discuss the Rasheeda situation.

It's not a situation.

It sounds big. It's... it's a chat.

Right. And it means the world to me that you would entrust me to have this chat with Rasheeda.

Great!

But as you said, it hasn't been that long since I was a summer associate, so I'm worried that it may not bear the same weight coming from me as it would from you.

Oh.

I just think that it would be much better for you to have the conversation with her so that you can communicate everything you wanna say as a partner.

I would just hate for anything to get lost in translation.

I see what you mean.

We'll handle it, then, Molly.

Great. Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Well, look who on break from they new job.

What you got, some noodles?

Yep.

I'm trying to do this whole eating healthy thing, so I made me some brown rice, some kale, some chicken breast, and sweet potatoes.

My girlfriend loves kale, but I don't get it.

Yeah, me neither.

Kale tastes like foot juice, but they say it's good for you, so...

[sighs]

Get my hot sauce, mix this togeth...

Um, this... this look ghetto, huh?

[both chuckle]

Hey, if Beyoncé can do it, so can I.

♪ I woke up like this. ♪ [laughing]

I don't know why I just sang that, so...

[clears throat] What you reading?

Uh, just going over my Best Buy benefits package.

I mean, I do hear they have good benefits, though.

They match your 401k after what, five years?

That's so bomb.

Yeah, I guess.

Just, this job was supposed to be temporary, and it's kind of feeling like it might not be.

I mean, I don't know. I just saw myself doing more.

Like what?

I had this app that I was trying to get going, but who knows now?

Wait, wait, wait.

A for real app?

You need to still do that.

You gotta stay hustling.

Like, I've been a bank teller for a few years, but I'm not trying to just be no bank teller forever.

I wanna be a bank manager.

That's why I'm taking night classes at El Camino, so I can learn about stocks and bonds and all of that.

I feel you.

Yeah.

Man, give me some of this.

[chuckles]

Why does this make everything taste better?

'Cause I think it got drugs in it.

Probably.

Hey, Issa. I can make it to Career Day after all.

I'm on my way and I got gavel cookies for the kids or just for us.

I'll see you soon. Bye!

♪ Girl, you think you got it bad ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do do ♪
♪ Girl, you think you got it bad ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do do ♪
♪ Girl, you think you got it bad ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do do ♪
♪ Got our different ways ♪
♪ When you say my name up... ♪

[music playing]

Boy: Okay.

Okay, okay.

Boy 2: Hey.

Daniel: Yeah.

Girl: I see him.

Yeah, you see him?

You see it.

[all chanting] Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Daniel: Ah, ah, ah, hey!

All: Ooh!

What?

Girl 2: Wow!

This is exactly what it's like when I work in the studio with Cozz.

Just beats all day, he freestyles, he writes, and then we find something hot.

Hey, yo, my older brother's friends with Cozz.

Your stupid ain't friends with no rappers.

Guys, let's be respectful of Mr. King, okay?

So any of y'all wanna add something to this beat?

Who rhymes?

Yo! I can freestyle.

Keep that beat going.

All right.

[boy whistles]

Girl: Okay, I see you.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on...

Oh, okay.

♪ My name is Greg, I am a student... ♪

[kids laughing]

It's okay.

Hey! That's not funny.

Aw, come on, y'all. Hey, hey, it takes time to get good.

All right? It takes time to get good, a lot of time.

Now, keep that swagger up, Greg.

I wanna hear you when you ready, all right?

I love how hard you tried.

Have you ever worked with Drake?

Nah, but I'm producing a track real soon for Ty Dolla $ign.

You're working with Ty Dolla $ign?

So, not Drake?

Hey, hey, real quick, y'all, um... y'all wanna know who can spit?

Kids: Who?

Kids: What?!

No.

For real, y'all. Hey, back in the day, Miss Issa used to rap fire.

Why are you doing this?

What am I doing?

In fact, she just killed it at an open mic a few weeks ago.

They don't need to know all that.

Actually, Miss Issa got me into music big-time back in high school.

Kids: Oh.

She kind of inspired me.

Kids: Ooh.

Mm, you got a crush on her.

Kids: Ooh!

Okay, that's funny.

Okay, okay.

Leave Miss Issa alone.

[mouths words] Sorry.

Thank you.

[bell rings]

Yo, your kids are a trip.

I'm sorry. They can be sometimes.

What was it with that girl with all that attitude?

Was that Dayniece?

Yeah, she's so anti!

Mad anti!

Right?

No, but it was cool to see you do your thing today.

Oh, for real?

Yeah! I mean, you've been into music since I've known you and, you know, here you are living your dream.

It's good to see you doing it.

Hey, if you ever wanna come to the studio, let me know.

Oh.

[phone buzzing]

sh1t.

I need to head out.

Oh, okay.

Have fun in them "skreets."

You stupid.

What the hell? What are you doing there?

I don't know. It's your fantasy.

But I got a man.

Hmm, and where is he?

[vocalizes "I don't know"]

Real talk, though.

I knew you was gonna call me after I came up to your job.

How'd you know that, Mirror Daniel?

'Cause I've always been your "what if" guy.

Like, what if we finally could give us a shot?

What if we were both single at the same time?

What if I could introduce you to Ty Dolla $ign?

Where did Ty Dolla $ign just come from?

You right, man.

I should write a song about her.

You're talking to Ty Dolla $ign about me?

How is this your life?

♪ What if this could be our life? ♪

Issa...

Molly's voice: What are you doing?

What?

Oh, I was just asking Siri where Malcolm Jamal Warner was born.

It's Brooklyn.

What are you even doing here?

I thought you couldn't make it.

I left you a message that said I could.

And why the f*ck is Daniel here?

Because someone had dropped out and then Frieda was like, "Oh, what about your friend Daniel?"

And I was like, "Oh, maybe."

And then he came.

And what about your man?

We needed someone who was in the arts!

Okay.

Daniel knows I'm with Lawrence.

Do you?

[door opens]

Thanks for coming, though, girl.

I appreciate you.

[door closes]

[sighs]

[chatter, laughter]

I'll go get the rest of the stuff and I'll meet you at the van?

Sounds good.

Check it out! [chuckles]

[boys laugh]

Hey, I found it!

Issa's voice: ♪ Broken pussy... ♪

Girl: Oh, my God!

It really is her!

♪ Maybe it's dry as hell, ♪
♪ maybe it really smells ♪
♪ Broken pussy... ♪

Damn, Miss Issa's thick!

All: ♪ Maybe it really smells, broken pussy ♪
♪ Broken pussy ♪
♪ Maybe it's dry as hell, maybe it really smells ♪

♪ Broken pussy, broken pussy. ♪

[mouths words] f*ck.

♪ Bitch, you thirsty, please grab a Sprite ♪
♪ My Crips lurkin', don't die tonight ♪
♪ I just wanna dance with you, baby ♪
♪ Just don't move too fast, I'm too crazy ♪
♪ Man down, Downey Ave and get shaded ♪
♪ Take a nigga mind off that ♪
♪ We can dip, f*ck in the whip, slide right back ♪
♪ In the function, one wrong word, start bustin' ♪
♪ Put that on my Yankee hat ♪
♪ I'm a gangsta Crip, f*ck gangsta rap ♪
♪ Where the ladies at? Where the hoes? ♪
♪ Where the bitches? Every real nigga know the difference ♪
♪ Bandana brown like the dope ♪
♪ Daddy shootin' in the kitchen ♪
♪ Real Norfside nigga ♪
♪ Never went to Poly, Wilson, or Cabrillo ♪
♪ Cocaine color of a creole ♪
♪ T-Skrap moving for the d-low, and he know ♪
♪ I ain't never ran from nothin' but the police ♪
♪ From the city where the skinny carry strong heat ♪
♪ Norfside, Long Beach ♪
♪ Norfside, Long Beach ♪
♪ Nate Dogg still here 'cause of niggas like me ♪
♪ Naughty runnin' Norfside, niggas better fact-check ♪
♪ Frontin' with the gun talk, I ain't heard a clap yet ♪
♪ All my niggas from street, they a nigga best, yes ♪
♪ 'Cept for Little Halftime, Brody bangin' five blocks ♪
♪ Sorry, I hit your homie five times, better grab chalk ♪
♪ Did it, got away with it out the Civic ♪
♪ We Crippin', Long Beach City, pay a visit ♪
♪ Park Ramona, pop block the corner ♪
♪ Givin' hell till it's frozen over ♪
♪ I ain't never ran from nothin' ♪
♪ I ain't never ran from nothin' but the police ♪
♪ Norfside, Long Beach. ♪