01x07 - Episode 7

- Are we still getting married?

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

You put me in a hospital once.

Please don't do it again.

Have a good trip.

BELINDA: What did Sally and Nigel get up to in that bedroom?

I like to believe that Sally didn't enjoy it.

And what do you really believe?

- I think she really enjoyed it.

- Okay.

I can't stop thinking about the other night.

I guess we made a really big mistake.

Well, I, um (STAMMERING)

The thing with Sally is I love her.

MICK: Think she's just sh1tting herself 'cause she's gotta get married.

She's gonna be imprisoned for the rest of her life.

(CHUCKLES)

- Do you fancy me?

- What?

- Do you?

- Would you let me go?

(MUSIC PLAYS)

- (FIRE ALARM RINGING)

- (YELLS INDISTINCTLY)

(MUSIC FADES)

(SCOTTISH-STYLE MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow.

- What is this place?

- It's where stars stay.

EMMA: Thanks, Pedro.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(HARP PLAYING)

- Oh, my God, it's amazing!

- Wow.

Oh, my God.

Look at it.

Look!

It's incredible.

Come look in the bathroom.

Let me see, let me see!

So beautiful.

Oh, let's have a bath.

Why don't we have like a really sexy bath?

We could just have a look around first.

(PHONE CHIMES)

(PATIO DOOR OPENS)

- Oh, my God.

It's amazing.

- Look at these petals.

Look!

Oh, my God, that's so sweet.

It says, "For the Honeymooners.

" Oh, God, that's really posh champagne, Em.

- We totally deserve it.

- Do you think it comes with the room, or do you think if you open it, you have to buy - pay extra, or ?

- Please stop worrying.

It's really unattractive.

- (CORK POPS)

- (EMMA YELLS, LAUGHS)

- God.

- sh1t.

This feels so amazing.

My beautiful bride My beautiful bride Cheers to my beautiful bride Cheers.

Okay.

Um.

BOTH: Mmm.

Sorry, I'm just I'm a tiny bit worried because the room costs, like, - 17,000 pounds a week.

Is that right?

- Amazing, yeah.

And you're not working, and I don't have that.

Just please, don't make this all about f*cking money.

The food is meant to be out of this world.

I mean, I just Well, what I've done, um, so I've just got You know, some basics.

I've got tomatoes, bread, cheese and stuff.

This?

I'm not eating bread and tomatoes on my honeymoon.

And I don't want to be cooped up here like some f*cking gypsy.

Sorry, but, you know Heston Blumenthal is the chef here.

If you eat fish here, which I am definitely going to do, they catch it fresh from the loch, bring it to the table, flapping, and then gas it right in front of you.

- God, that sounds horrible.

- I think it sounds really sexy.

- Do you?

- Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, please.

Let's have a posh dinner tonight, babe.

The thing is, I'm just feeling really tired.

- Yeah.

- Feeling quite tired, so, maybe you should go and get a massage or something.

So you don't want a massage?

No, I'm good.

Have a massage.

- No, 'cause I've got something better.

- I'm just really tired.

No, no, no.

This'll wake you up.

This'll be great.

I think I got a bit caught.

No, that's all right.

Em, honestly, I'm really, really tired.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

You ready?

Just touch it.

I just want to have some bread and cheese and maybe a cup of tea and we can watch telly.

Is there a tea ?

- There's probably tea and coffee.

- I don't want to watch telly.

Just pull my cock, please.

- Hi, there.

- Hi.

I've got, um, a table for two booked.

It's Mrs.

and Mrs.

de Florentier-Wentaugh.

- Okay.

- Yeah, just got married.

(LAUGHS)

Um oh, my God, that buffet looks amazing.

Um, with the buffet, is it, like, an all-you-can-eat, sort of, Harvester-type?

Uh, just help yourselves.

Help yourselves.

Great.

And then if you're still hungry, - you just keep going back, is it?

- That's fine, thank you.

(SHELLS CLANKING ON PLATE)

(SHELLS CLANKING)

(SIGHS)

Okay.

It's just the hors d'oeuvre, so God.

Just go back and get and eat as much as you want.

So, I think we should try and keep going back (QUIETLY): before the other people get stuff.

- It's quite a lot.

- Yeah.

- Nice, though.

Cheers.

- I'm really not hungry.

- What?

- I'm just not very hungry.

Well, you have to eat it.

- What do you mean?

- You have to.

- I don't have to.

- Well, otherwise, I'm gonna to have to eat both of them, 'cause they get really angry.

'Cause they're Scottish.

Why are you being so sulky?

It's so much seafood.

(KNIFE SQUEAKING)

(SQUEAKING INCREASES)

(RHYTHMIC SQUEAKING CONTINUES)

(DIGGING NOISE)

(FRUSTRATED SIGH)

Smells really horrible.

Wow.

(BAGPIPE PLAYING)

(ARRHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

(SNAPPING)

(WHISPERS): What are you doing?

- Come on.

- No.

- Come on!

- No.

We're just married.

- Please, I don't want to.

- Come on.

- I don't want to.

- Sal.

Sal!

- I don't - Sal!

Come on!

(BAGPIPE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SOFT LOUNGE MUSIC)

My name is Peter Fontessa.

Helping your food go down.

- Do you want any of those clams?

- No, I'm good.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

(DISCORDANT SOUNDS FROM KEYBOARD)

- I just got married.

I'd really love to do - (CLATTERING)

a song for my wife.

Um, it's for my bride.

It's A minor, G major, F sharp minor.

Yeah, I just have a set list.

It'd be amazing on the guitar.

I have a set list which I F minor, D.

Record again.

What record?

Hi, guys.

This is a bit spontaneous - (PETER MUTTERING)

- Um, it's just the way I roll.

- So, um, I would really love - (PETER MUTTERING)

to sing a song for you guys.

I'm an actress and a singer, and so many things, but most of all, I just want to dedicate this to my beautiful new wife.

Take it away, Peter.

(ROMANTIC GUITAR MELODY)

I lay you down on sheets of silk, oh, lassie girl Your skin is soft as summer milk, oh, lassie girl Hair entangled Lips entwine I worship at your downy shrine, oh, Lassie girl The mountain glen reflects the moon The bedding time cannot come too soon I'll ride you through the hay and the heather Sally forever (SOFTLY)

Sally.

Thrump-pa-ti-ta tum Dum pa ti tum Pum pa ti pum Oh dam pa ti dum Ba ba ba bum (GUITAR CONTINUES SOFTLY)

(GUESTS CHATTERING)

- (STUMBLING)

- SALLY: Ow!

MAN: Oh.

Hey.

- Let me help you.

- Sorry.

You all right?

Looked painful, that.

Thank you.

I'm just a bit clumsy.

You all right?

You look a bit teary.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, thank you.

Sorry.

All right.

You sure you're gonna be all right?

- Upstairs.

Yeah.

- Thank you.

All right.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SING-SONG): Where's my beautiful wife?

- Hey, baby.

- Hey.

Hey.

I got you some clams, in case you got hungry in the night.

Oh, no.

I'm fine.

Thanks.

Okay.

Well, they're there if you need them.

- Em, I - It's so amazing here.

Yeah.

Emma, I, um Hi.

(GIGGLES)

Sorry.

Um, I called the bank to ask them to extend my overdraft.

And, um, they said that you called them?

- Did you call them?

- I don't think so, no.

Well, it's just they said you did.

And, um And that you'd extended it by 12,000 pounds.

You just never let it go, do you?

(LAUGHS)

- What's wrong?

- You smell, um You smell like fish.

Yeah, I was just eating a giant fish buffet.

Should I go clean my teeth?

Maybe, yeah.

Would that be okay?

Yeah, sure.

And then we can get sexy.

I won't be long.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(EMMA VOMITING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(EMMA SIGHS)

So where were we?

- Were you just sick?

- Yeah.

I feel much better.

Em, just, sorry.

I think I'm a bit tired.

- Em - What do you mean?

I feel tired.

You can't do this, sweetie.

Not on our marriage night.

- Sorry.

- 'Cause when you're married, you kind of have rights.

- Yeah?

- Okay.

It's just - (VOMITING)

- (SALLY GASPS)

- Oh, God!

- (EMMA MUTTERING)

- I don't feel very well.

- (SALLY GASPING)

Oh, my God.

(RETCHING)

(GASPING)

Oh, that feels better.

(SIGHS)

(WHIMPERS)

Oh, God!

- (EMMA GAGGING)

- (DOOR SLAMS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(EMMA SIGHS)

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh, that was a rough night.

I feel so ill.

(GROANS)

Ah!

Oh.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Sorry.

- Oh, Emma.

- Sorry, can you take the sheets off?

Oh, God!

Oh, my God.

So sorry.

- It's not your fault.

- Does it smell at all?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's all tentacles, and bits of claw.

- Didn't you chew anything?

- I was just really hungry.

How is that on the picture?

I just thought everything was the toilet.

Come back.

Snuggle in with me.

- Em, I'd really love to - We need a sexy cuddle.

I'd love to do that, but it stinks, Em, and it's making me feel quite, quite weird.

Look, why don't I take the sheets, get some fresh air, try and find a nurse.

- Do I look okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you look good.

- Thank you.

How's your shins?

(LAUGHS)

Um, yeah.

Fine, thanks.

- A shame about the weather.

- Yeah.

- Rubbish, isn't it?

- Scotland, I suppose.

Well, we're, uh We're gonna grab a pair of lattes and some sticky buns.

- Oh, are you?

- Do you fancy joining us?

Oh, no, I don't want to intrude.

- Oh, you wouldn't be.

We're people-people.

- Yeah.

- Great.

Thank you.

Yeah.

- After you.

See I just love coming here.

To get bumpin'.

Maybe choc sprinkles and what not.

- Do you?

- Yeah.

People assume I'm like, craggy and natural, but we all like to look good, don't we?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I mean, you just had your boobs done, hadn't you?

No, I haven't.

Oh, sorry.

You mean your mum?

Eileen's my wife.

- We're on our honeymoon.

- Oh, I'm really sorry.

That's all right.

That's why I'm piling up on the carbs.

- Keeping you up all night, eh?

- Yeah, yeah.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(CHUCKLING)

Listen, we're, uh We're going horse riding, if you fancy a gallop.

I've never done it before, actually.

Do you ride a lot?

- Yeah, I've done a bit.

- Yeah.

- You know.

- Yeah.

That sounds really fun.

- (COUGHS)

- You all right?

- Are you gonna come, Eileen?

- Yes.

She's a good rider.

Oh, you know.

- (SEAN LAUGHS)

- (EILEEN GIGGLES)

God, Emma.

You've done it again, have you?

- Are you feeling any better?

- No.

Much worse, actually.

Nurse was really concerned.

She looked at all these poos, and then when she was here, I did this really, really long one, and she just ran out of the room.

- Where have you been?

- Sorry.

My battery died.

And then I just, there was this really sweet old guy, and, um, just had some food.

So you've just been spending the last five hours with some old weirdo?

He wasn't that old, or weird.

He was an actor.

- He's an actor.

- Yeah.

Somebody Bean?

- Mr.

Bean?

- No, um, maybe Sean?

- Sean Bean?

- Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That's Well, just get him 'round.

Well, I don't really think this is a good scenario to meet Sean Bean.

Do you?

I mean Oh, but you can spend the dime with him.

Look, we just had a sticky bun and a latte.

You've really shown a really, really sinister side to yourself on this honeymoon.

Selfish.

- Aren't you?

- Sorry.

Yeah.

Well, just invite him over now.

I want to see him.

I want to meet Sean Bean.

- What, now?

- Yes.

Really?

I mean - I don't know if this is the place to - Why are you mocking me when I've had all these poos flying out of me?

I'm not mocking you, I'm just wondering if this is the best scenario.

Well, just put the duvet over them.

- Invite him 'round.

- Okay.

ELEANOR: Thanks for coming in, guys.

So, just to explain I'm acting head until Deborah returns.

Is it true that Debbie's in rehab?

I'm not prepared to comment.

- So that's a yes, then.

- If there are no more questions - (PHONE BUZZES)

- What about the wheelchair?

My consultant, Rajiv, told me, I, um I have a condition.

BIID.

It means in essence, my brain wants me to be a paraplegic.

So basically, you were lying when you said that your legs didn't work.

My disease told me that they didn't work.

What about Sally?

Is she coming back?

ELEANOR: It's unlikely.

Not until Deborah's assault charge is processed.

I don't think any of us would feel safe around Sally knowing she was capable of something like that.

What, so Deborah's accusing Sally of - assaulting her?

- Very much so.

She almost took a chunk out of Deb's vulva in a botched attempt to win the promotion.

This is bullshit.

Deborah assaulted Sally.

Po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

- Jesus!

- How can you f*cking show your face?

What?

I saw you brown-nosing Sean by the horses!

I am dressed up and ready to go and I want to meet Sean.

Tonight.

I want us to go for dinner.

Okay?

Em, sorry.

I'm just, I'm feeling really tired.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- Seriously, Emma.

- Like, I'm really worried I've got your thing.

- Oh, Christ.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry.

I just think we're in a really, really difficult place right now.

- You mean Scotland?

- No.

Emotionally.

I think we need to just release some pressure.

Em, I really, really don't want to have s*x.

- I'm not talking about s*x.

- I'm tired.

I'm not talking about s*x.

Why do you have to cry every time?

- Okay?

- Okay.

Look, Belinda taught me this thing where you just shout really abusive stuff to the other person, and it really helps to puncture the toxic balloon that's built up between them.

So, for example, "I hate you.

" - Yeah?

- That's awful.

I don't I'm mean, I'm just tired.

No, no, no, no, no.

Seriously, it'll be really, really good for you.

It's so freeing.

So, I'll start.

I'm just saying stuff to you like, I f*cking hate you.

You f*cking c**t.

Okay?

- Okay.

- Bitch.

- Yeah.

Get it?

- Yeah, I get it.

Okay, so I just need you to try and do the same, okay?

Just say something like, "I f*cking hate you, you disgust me, "I can't stand you, I hate you, you're worthless.

" - You know, that kind of thing.

- I f*cking hate you.

- Bigger.

- I f*cking hate you so much!

I can't stand you!

You're f*cking worthless!

You disgust me.

f*ck off!

(SOBBING)

(DOOR SLAMS)

(SALLY SOBBING)

SALLY'S VOICE: I f*cking hate you so much.

I can't stand you.

You're f*cking worthless.

You disgust me.

f*ck off!

Mate It's not looking good.

She's gone psycho.

You want to come down to Picasso's with me and Tonny, then?

Cheer yourself up?

- (SIGHS)

Could do, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Could, uh get one of those big pizzas you like.

- Hawaiian?

- Yeah.

A big Hawaiian.

Hey, Tonny's got a sister.

She's single.

- How old is she?

- Don't worry about it.

Sixty-five.

She doesn't look it.

She looks older.

But, you know, sort of woman you'd just be perfect for.

Honestly.

- Let's do that Hawaiian.

Let's do it.

- Stick a pineapple on it.

That's what she likes, apparently.

Yeah.

(GROANS)

- Thank you so much for this, David.

- That's great.

I mean, I just thought I should get some new photos for my dating profile.

I've always loved Puss in Boots.

Something fun, but powerful.

Oh, yeah.

That's great.

Yeah.

Amazing no one's snapped you up, already.

There was someone at the office, but I don't know I felt he just couldn't see past the chair.

- Do you still need the chair?

- It's complicated.

But today, my legs are playing ball.

That's great.

That's really lovely.

That's nice.

That's really Oh, God, yeah.

That's good.

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH MOAN)

BOTH: Ah!

Push it!

Push it!

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

That's great.

Well, on the days you do need the chair, I'd be more than happy to push a big, powerful puss around town.

Oh, but What about you and Jemima?

You'll be busy with the baby.

No, that withered on the vine.

Not the baby, but turned out not to be mine.

I'm so sorry, David.

Anyway, maybe with this leg Okay.

Oh, how?

Over there.

(GRUNTS)

Now, maybe Yeah, clutch the tree.

Yeah, put your hands behind your back, and clu That's it.

Yeah, that's it.

Lovely.

Clutch it hard.

That's it.

Clutch.

Clutch!

- Clutch!

- Oh!

- ELEANOR: Oh!

- DAVID: Yes!

Oh!

- Yes!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- (GRUNTS): Oh!

- Yes.

- (GROANING): Ah!

- Ah!

- Ah!

- DAVID: Ah!

- ELEANOR: Oh!

Oh!

That's good.

That's lovely.

Oh, just Oh.

God, you look terrible.

Like a ghost.

(SIGHS): Oh, God.

Where's Sean?

I don't know.

SEAN: Uh, a table booked for a Mr.

Bean.

Why are you being so sulky?

- (VOMITS)

- EMMA: Oh, God!

SEAN: Yeah.

(GROANS)

Oh, Sean.

Hi, I'm Emma de Florentier.

I'm an actress.

Hey.

- Nice to meet you.

- God.

That's Sally's sick, Sean.

That wasn't me.

Well, you're not having a very good time.

- Horrible.

Sorry, Sean.

- Uh.

Sally, you should really go to bed.

That's disgusting.

It's okay.

Don't matter anyway, because Eileen's having a lie-down.

- Is she?

- She's a bit tired, yeah.

- Hope you feel better.

- Thank you.

- Sorry about that, Sean.

- Is she all right?

Yeah, she's got a lot of problems.

She actually pooed the bed the other night, as well.

- Did she?

- It's just one of her things.

It's, uh Sorry.

Yeah.

Is Eileen lying down?

She's just tired.

She's, you know, when it gets to this time - She's that age.

- She's knackered, yeah.

Do you like older women?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I'm quite old.

Probably older than you think I am.

Look about 33, 34, or something?

Yeah, it's kind of, if you double that, you're kind of closer.

- Sixty-eight?

- Just off.

Just off.

I'm 69.

- You're not.

- Yeah.

You're joking.

God, you look really good - to keep in good shape like you are.

- Oh, thank you.

- You really are.

- Thank you, Sean.

- Congratulations.

- Well, you, too.

Get off.

Thanks, yeah, I'm all right.

- You look amazing.

- Just trying to get along.

You know what I mean?

Could I give you my show reel?

- Um, is that something you could watch?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I'm an actress, I forgot to say.

- Oh, are you?

Right, well I can't promise I'm gonna watch it tonight, 'cause, you know, Eileen Do you mind if you do watch it tonight?

- Do I mind?

- It'd be great if you could, - just 'cause I'd love to work with you - Okay.

Yeah.

- and kind of get that ball rolling.

- Maybe when I get back.

Um.

Maybe.

I'd better check on her actually, 'cause she's been asleep for about four hours.

Oh, God, I hope she's not dead.

So I'll go and see if she's all right.

- All right.

- What are you doing now, Sean?

- I'm just checking on - What room are you in?


Um, God, I can't remember.

Probably on my key card.

- Do you want me to come up with you?

- No, it's all right.

Just in case Eileen is dead?

Just a bit of time, best bet.

Bye.

Okay.

Bye.

NURSE: Okay.

So it's not food poisoning, and your glucose levels look fine, so, I think it's probably just the pregnancy.

- What?

- It's just the pregnancy.

- You didn't know?

- Oh, my God.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

- This is good news?

I don't know.

Are you sure?

- I'm sure.

- I can't believe it.

That's mad.

- Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?

(SUFJAN STEVENS' "THE HIDDEN RIVER OF MY LIFE" PLAYING)

Supposed the world was not informed By real estate or power lines The hidden river of my life - Pursued by love - The whispering stone, the valley ford DOCTOR: Okay.

Pop Mum on the couch and have a little look at what's going on, okay?

Well, you have the degree of urethral pouting I'll expect in a woman your age.

- Quite an eager clitoris.

- Hmm.

Does it normally poke out like that?

- I think it just depends what time of day it is.

- Uh-huh.

Nice and meaty vulva.

A little tight and dry around the opening.

Not great for birth, so I would recommend you do some stretching exercises.

Do you mean like Pilates or something?

Uh, more manual manipulation to widen the vulva.

I can show you now, if you like.

Sandra, can you pass me the vaginal brush, please?

Does it have to be now?

Now, I would recommend you have a good old wax before D-Day.

You've, uh quite a hefty thicket down here, so.

Baby won't be able to see the wood for the trees, as it were.

Okay.

Right.

Gonna go in dry.

Just going to insert my thumbs into your v*g1n*.

and scoop 'round and down.

Around and down.

Just to help coax the vulvic mouth into a big, wide scream.

I just keep pummeling my thumbs along the perennial bridge, traveling back and forth between anus, pudenda.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Anus and puddy.

Make it nice and stretchy, for baby's big bonce.

EMMA: So what else did you want to get?

Um, I thought we should get a feeding cushion.

- You're not gonna breast feed, are you?

- Yeah.

I just want these boobies to stay as mine.

Baby want the milk.

(KISSING NOISES)

Baby want mamma milky.

These are my boobies.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hi.

Bloomin' heck.

- Sally.

- Hi.

Uh, this is Sally.

Uh, Angela.

Sally.

I used to work with Sally.

Um - a long time ago.

- And Emma.

- I'm Emma.

- Angie.

- Hi, Angie.

- Hi.

- You look different.

- Thanks.

I feel different, yeah.

- Are you transitioning, or ?

- (NIGEL LAUGHS)

Uh, well, if going from sad to blissful is transitioning, then, yes, I'm transitioning.

ANGIE: We're nesting, so Oh, my God, you're pregnant, as well!

Not yet, but, um you're making me broody.

- (LAUGHS)

Yeah.

How many months is that?

- SALLY: One.

- Oh, um, eight.

- Eight.

Right.

- EMMA: Yeah.

Getting there.

- (SALLY LAUGHS)

- NIGEL: Nearly there.

- EMMA: Yeah.

Well, congratulations on the final stretch.

- Been nice, and take care.

- SALLY: See you again NIGEL: See you down the road apiece.

Let's get together.

All of us.

Yeah, what about next week, or something, or ?

Oh, now.

In the cafe?

I'd love a snack.

- Well - We've gotta go.

You just had a snack, didn't you?

Some packet of yum yums.

- Food police.

- We can't really, now.

- Cheers.

- EMMA: Cheers.

(CLINKING)

So, uh, how did you guys meet?

Well, Nigel walked into my yoga class, and I was like, "Hello.

I'm having me some of that.

" (LAUGHTER)

That's weird.

'Cause you always said you hated yoga.

It's real bullshit.

And everyone who did yoga is a twat.

- Why are you saying this now?

- I just remember.

It's funny.

Um.

Yeah.

Well, I've changed.

- Okay.

- Love can change anybody.

They're so skimpy with the chips here.

I'm gonna go get myself some more.

- Would you guys like any?

- SALLY: No, thanks.

Okay.

She seems really sweet.

Likes her food.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's a great cook, actually.

Lots of really interesting recipes from Hi-mal-ayas.

- EMMA: Have you been to the Hi-mal-ayas?

- Not yet, - but we're planning a trip.

- SALLY: Do you mean the Himalayas?

- Yeah, that's how Western people say it, yeah.

- SALLY: Okay.

- That's how Westerners say it.

- Love me me chippies!

- (ANGIE GIGGLES)

- EMMA: That should keep you going.

It's kicking, Em.

- You okay?

- Oh, you okay?

(EMMA GASPS)

Our baby!

I don't mean to pry, but I have these friends.

They're-they're lesbian, too.

And they've been trying to have a baby, but they can't get IVF on the NHS.

How did you guys do it?

We didn't need IVF.

- Sally is super, super fertile.

- ANGIE: Okay.

She's got, I mean, so many eggs it's almost embarrassing.

So it was just a question of getting sperm, really.

We just got a donor.

- EMMA: Yeah.

- Hmm.

Oh, like, like someone you know?

- I feel a bit sick.

I think I've had too much - ANGIE: A friend, or - SALLY: I've had too many chips.

- Not a friend.

SALLY: I think I might be sick.

- I think maybe we should go.

- Nigel.

(CHOKES)

I should have told you, but, you know, it was before It's fine.

It's fine.

Of course it's not fine!

Before me and you.

Before I knew you.

So you forgot to tell me you got someone pregnant?

I was a sperm donor and I didn't know that You didn't know you gave somebody your sperm?

- Did you have s*x?

- Yeah, they had s*x.

It was like a David Attenborough documentary, if anything.

We mated, that's all.

(DISHES, SILVERWARE CLATTERING)

Nigel, we're going.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

NIGEL: Sally.

Sally!

- What's happening with those messages?

- What are you talking about?

Why were you sending me those messages?

- I haven't.

- Telling me that you hate me.

- I haven't.

- You can't stand me.

- I don't.

What, no!

- Telling me to f*ck off.

- Why did you send it?

- Oh, God.

Emma must have recorded me.

- She made me say - What?

Recorded you?

(ENGINE REVS)

I wanted to see you.

I'm pregnant.

I know you are, but is it even mine?

Well, yes, of course it is!

- (TIRES SCREECHING, HONKING)

- Jesus Christ!

- You trying to kill me?

- I didn't even see you!

You didn't see me?

I'm standing here with a basket!

- (EMMA SCREAMS)

- See that?

- Oh, my God!

- Nigel!

- Ow!

- You're a sorry c**t.

Do you know that?

You're insane.

You're responsible for this.

- You're controlling her.

- EMMA: You're trying to f*cking kidnap my wife!

NIGEL: Your wife?

That's a laugh.

- She's your hostage!

- EMMA: She's my wife!

- ANGIE: Don't take no!

- (ENGINE REVS)

- Get in the f*cking car!

- I don't want to.

EMMA: I'm gonna kill myself properly this time!

- (CRASHING)

- (ENGINE REVVING)

Ow!

(BOTH MOANING, GRUNTING)

- (CELL PHONE BUZZES)

- (RHYTHMIC GRUNTING)

- (BOTH PANTING)

- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)

(ELEANOR SCREAMING)

Don't stop!

Don't stop!

It's Sally.

I have to take this.

Please.

(BOTH PANTING, GRUNTING)

DAVID: Hello, Mouse?

(GROANING)

- (DAVID GROANING)

- (ELEANOR YELLING)

- (ELEANOR PANTING)

- (DAVID MOANING)

(LABORED BREATHS)

Stop.

Oh, no, I'm done.

I'm done.

- No, you're not.

- I've had it.

(GROANING)

(BOTH PANTING, GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(MOANS): Oh.

- NIGEL: Sally.

- Nigel.

Hey.

You okay?

- I'm so happy you're here.

- It's all right, darling.

- I didn't leave you those messages.

- I know.

I know.

(SIGHS)

I love you.

I love you.

(SCREAMS)

Excuse me?

Is there a ?

(CLANGING)

- (PUMMELING)

- (PAINED GRUNT)

(GRUNTS)

- (SMACKING SOUNDS)

- (EMMA GRUNTING)

- (SMACKING)

- (CRASHING)

(TUMBLING)

SALLY: Oh, my God.

Emma?

- Emma, what happened?

- It's okay.

Don't worry about me.

- Are you okay?

- (SHUDDERING)

- What happened to you?

- It's Nigel.

- What?

- I was downstairs with a huge bunch of flowers.

Really expensive ones.

I don't know if he was jealous 'cause obviously hasn't got you anything.

(GASPS)

And he just smashed the bouquet, like, stabbing me with the roses in my face and my eyes.

- Slashing the thorns across my skin.

- What?

And then he got his keys out and he was just, like, slashing and slashing me.

e I tried get away from him but he kept punching, punching, punching.

(GASPS)

- Nigel.

- What are you doing here?

He's a psychopath.

He's like Fritzl.

He's like Hitler with a bigger mustache.

I think you need professional help.

SALLY: I'm sorry, I just I don't think I like you very much.

You don't mean that.

That's not true.

You do like me.

- Why would you not like me?

- NIGEL: Well, because you're insane.

What is there not to like about me?

(SALLY GROANING)

It's okay.

It's all right.

It's going to be all right.

- Come on.

We should go.

We should go.

- Get off me.

I can deliver it.

I can do it.

I can do it.

- NIGEL: Emma!

- EMMA: We've got to get away from him.

- I've got to get you out of here.

- Nurse!

- Please!

- No!

You heard what she said.

She doesn't want you here.

- You don't want me?

- Nobody wants you.

(ACOUSTIC VERSION OF T'PAU'S "CHINA IN YOUR HANDS" PLAYING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(SHRIEKING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

NIGEL: Someone call f*cking security!

Oh, hands move and heart beat on Now life will return in this electric storm A prophecy for a fantasy The curse of a vivid mind Don't push too far your dreams are china in your hand Don't wish too hard because they may come true and you can't help them You don't know (LAUGHING)

- Is that her milk eyes?

- Her milk eyes?

- Yeah.

- (BOTH LAUGH)

- Like milk teeth?

- Yeah, they fall out, and then they get the proper eyes a bit later on.

Their full-grown eyes.

(COOING)

Sometimes I feel like she's haunting the house.

Is that weird?

Like she's still here.

She's not here.

She's in a facility and she's being looked after and she's not gonna get out for a while, so - Okay?

- Yeah.

And we're here, and we've got little Mickie.

- And it's all gonna be all right.

- Yeah.

(BABY FUSSING)

She looks slightly like Mick.

She does look like Mick.

She looks really like Mick.

NIGEL: Is there anything you need to tell me about Mick?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)