01x07 - L'ennui


[Light opera music plays softly in the background. Beyond that, a man and a woman can be heard bickering in Italian.]

[Closeups of spools of ribbon in pink, gold, white; spools of string in red, purple, gold, and blue. Straight pins with colored heads, stuck in a small pin cushion. 1920s-era paintings of women, one in a maid's uniform, one in an exquisite black gown.]

[A beautiful young Italian woman stands in the center of the room, on a platform. Francesca Wolff, professional costume designer, kneels near her, tending to her gown. Francesca's assistant, Carla, stands nearby.]

Francesca: I don't usually do a live performance. But, I did the movie with Baz.

[title card: Rome, Italy - Present Day]

Girl: (politely) I did not see it.

Francesca: (standing) Oh, but you know the story.

[The girl smiles and shakes her head.]

Girl: No. Not really.

Francesca: Oh, my god, "The Gift of the Magi"?

[Francesca looks at the back of the girl's gown.]

Francesca: This is not gonna work. They were supposed to cut it on the bias. You can't wear this. (to assistant) Carola, non mi piace. Di a Battistoni di rifarlo. (Carola, I don't like it. Tell Battistoni to remake it.)

[Carola leaves.]

Francesca: (to girl) Well, let me see what I can do here. Turn this way.

[Francesca puts her hand on the girl's rear and turns her.]

Woman's voice: (offscreen) Bueno, bueno! Andiamo! (Good, good. Hurry up!)

[Francesca works on the gown and watches herself in the mirror.]

Francesca: (to girl) Anyway, "The Gift of the Magi". It's a story by O. Henry. It's about the foolish sacrifices we make for love.

Girl: Foolish, how?

Francesca: Well, in the story there are two young lovers: Joe and Della. And they have no money. They want so desperately to buy each other a Christmas present...

[Francesca lightly runs her hand up the girl's exposed leg, to her thigh, watching herself in the mirror. The girl looks nervous but aroused.]

Francesca: I'm gonna try something, but I gotta pin it from underneath.

Girl: ... Okay.

[Francesca gets some pins and kneels beside the girl.]

Francesca: So, Joe, the young man, he has only one possession: his grandfather's gold pocket watch.

[Francesca pretends to pin the dress. She touches the girl's leg again. The girl tenses.]

Francesca: Which he treasures more than anything.

[Francesca slowly runs her hand up the girl's thigh. The girl gasps quietly.]

Francesca: Except for Della.

[The girl begins to breathe heavily and grasp at her dress. Francesca inches her hand up higher; the music playing in the background hits a high note and the girl gasps deeply. Francesca looks at her in the mirror.]

Francesca: Shall I go on?

Girl: What?

Francesca: With the story.

Girl: Yes... please...

[main titles]


[A big, modern home with lots of glass, looking out over a duck pond.]


[A female singer croons in Spanish - Luz Casal - "Un Año de Amor". Marina is singing to herself, as she pins her hair up in the mirror.]

Marina: (singing along) Y de noche , y de noche... por no sentirte solo... recordarás (And at night, and at night... so you won't feel lonely... you'll remember)


[Tim comes in through the back door, dragging a trash bag. He goes through the house, and stops at the couch, stuffing some of Jenny's clothing in the bag. He heads for the front door when Jenny opens it and steps in. Tim stares at her. She looks dirty and tired. She sets her sleeping bag down.]

Tim: Where have you been?

[Tim, also looking rather scruffy, glares at her as she speaks.]

Jenny: I, um, I met these two kids, and, uh... they lived in this little town called Bishop, which is in the Sierras. And, uh, it was so beautiful. I - there was this mountain called Thunderbolt Peak. (laughs) And you know, of course, I could never make it to the top of a mountain, right?

Tim: You climbed a mountain?

Jenny: I - yeah.

Tim: I got your letter, Jenny.

[Jenny looks down.]

Jenny: Uh-huh.

Tim: I never wanted you to rip your heart out. (a beat) I just... wanted you to... be honest with me.

Jenny: (nods) Yes.

[Jenny pulls off her backpack.]

Jenny: I have this present for you. (going through backpack) I found this in this, um, little tiny town called Lone Pine.

[Jenny pulls out a small box, opens it and hands it to him.]

Jenny: It's like, it's a chain for your... stopwatch. So you don't forget it all the time.

[Jenny holds it out for him to take.]

Tim: (a beat) I broke it.

[Jenny looks at the box.]

Jenny: It was your grandfather's.

Tim: (whispering) Yeah, it was. (two beats) It was that day.

[Tim refers to the day he found caught Jenny and Marina. Jenny looks up at him. Tim looks away and folds his arms.]

Jenny: I'm sorry.

[Tim stares at her.]

Tim: So... that was... the first time that it happened?

Jenny: (nodding) Yes.

[Tim's expression changes to anger. He grabs a garbage bag full of her clothes sitting by the door and walks through the door. He throws the bag onto the front lawn. He walks back inside.]

Tim: Those are yours. Get out.

[Tim walks into the bathroom.]

Tim: (offscreen) (angrily) You were screwing her since the first night you went out! Even Bette and Tina knew!

[Tim comes back a moment later with an armful of shampoo bottles and odds and ends.]

Tim: (angrily) I was the only idiot who had no f*cking clue!

[Jenny puts a hand to her face. Tim throws the stuff out onto the lawn.]

Tim: (angrily) You pathological f*cking liar! (pointing) Get out of my house!

[Jenny stares at him and doesn't move.]

Tim: (threatening) Jenny, get out of my house.

[Jenny doesn't move.]

Tim: Go.

Jenny: Okay.

[Tim picks up her sleeping bag and throws it out onto the front lawn. Jenny covers her ears.]

Jenny: No, no - okay.

[Jenny slowly bends down to pick up her bag. She walks out onto the front lawn. Tim closes the door.]


[Marina sips on some tea then walks to the table where Shane, Alice and Dana sit.]

Dana: And, like, that's it? You want us to ask, though. So we're asking.

Alice: Just 'cause she's squatty, and like... (indecipherable)... I'm not saying -

Shane: And like what?

[Marina sits.]

Shane: She's just short, guys, allright? There's nothing wrong with it. She's tiny.

Alice: (to Marina) f*cking Shane met Madonna at Harry Samchuck's party.

Marina: (French) (smiling) Madonna, la petite blonde qui chante? (Madonna, the small blonde who sings?)

[Shane smiles at Marina.]

Dana: Yeah, so, does she want you?

Alice: Did you already do her?

Shane: Well, I am doing her hair next week.

Alice: (amazed) Oh, my god.

Dana: (to Marina) And Harry gave Shane his yacht.

Marina: He gave you his yacht?

Shane: Yeah. Friday night. I'm having a party, so be there, okay?

[Bette and Tina walk in and seat themselves at the table.]

Bette: Hi.

Shane/Marina: Hi.

Alice: Hi guys.

Dana: Hey!

Shane: Hello.

Dana: How are you doing?

Tina: Good, how are you?

[Shane starts to get up for Tina. Tina pats her on the back to sit back down. Bette gets a chair for Tina from another table.]

Bette: Here's a chair for you.

Tina: (sitting) (groaning) Oh... thanks baby.

Shane: So Tina, how do you feel?

[Dana and Alice gawk at Shane.]

Tina: Oh, my god, you guys. You wouldn't believe it. My acid indigestion is so much better since Doctor Wilson prescribed the antacid. (to Bette) The tablets are a lot better than the liquid.

Bette: (nodding) Yeah. Much better.

Tina: Yeah. (to the others) But last night, I woke up at 3 AM, with the most unbelievable heartburn.

[Alice and Dana shift uncomfortably in their seats.]

Tina: My HCD levels are really high, which can be a good thing in a pregnancy, but it makes nausea so much worse.

Bette: (chuckling) (to the others) Well, it's supposed to subside after 14 weeks...


Tina: This morning, I am pulling on my socks...

[Bette laughs.]

Tina: ... and I noticed this varicose vein. Right there.

Bette: Oh, there it is.

[Bette kisses her fingers and puts her fingers to the spot Tina is pointing out.]


Bette: Yeah, well, if she keeps doing her prenatal yoga and the pelvic floor exercises...


Bette: (gesturing) It's because of the increase in hormone production that the muscular walls of the veins relax. It's unbelievable what the female body goes through.

[Dana, Alice and Shane look bored beyond tears.]

Tina: Which reminds me, today is our ceremony in spirit flow.

Dana: What ceremony?

Tina: You don't remember? We told you about it.

[Alice and Shane are totally out of the conversation. Dana smiles and shrugs at Bette and Tina.]

Bette: The Sikhs believe that the soul enters the fetus' body at 13 weeks.

[Alice nods absently. Dana stares into space.]

Shane: Cool.

Tina: And Gurudev, my yoga teacher, she does this ritual, and we were just hoping that you guys would be there for the chanting. And, uh, there's gonna be a blessing.

[Alice, Dana and Shane look completely zoned out. Dana grins and nods.]

Alice: No, we - we wouldn't miss it. Wouldn't.

Shane: (shaking head) Absolutely not.

Alice: That's great.

[Dana gives the 'thumbs up'.]


[Jenny sits alone on the sidewalk, surrounded by all the stuff that Tim threw out.]


[Students sit along the walls. Bette and Tina sit in the middle of the room, facing Gurudev, the instructor. Everyone begins to chant.]

Bette/Tina/class: Ohmmmmmmm.... Ohmmmmmmm...

[Kit, Shane, Alice and Dana sit cross-legged on the floor, against one of the walls. All of them look a little bewildered. Kit tries to follow along.]

Alice: (to Dana) Ohmmmmm my god.

[Gurudev sits at the head of the class, surrounded by traditional icons, dressed in white robes and a turbin.]

Gurudev: (smiling) Now, if you'll all join me in singing "May the Longtime Sun," and remember to send your blessings to Tina and Bette...

[Bette and Tina smile. Bette takes Tina's hand.]

Gurudev: ... and the new being they're creating.

[Everyone begins to sing.]

Everyone: (singing) "May the longtime sun shine upon you..."

[Kit grasps the hands of Shane and the woman on her other side, and sways back and forth, singing. Shane stares in agony at Alice and Dana.]

Everyone: (singing) "All love surround you..."

[Alice and Dana stare at the class blankly. Bette and Tina sway back and forth, singing.]

Everyone: (singing) "And the pure light within you..."

[An extremely pregnant woman walks over and sits next to Dana. She takes Dana's hand and begins singing and swaying back and forth. Dana grins uncomfortably.]

Everyone: (singing) "Guide your way home..."

[Dana smiles wide-eyed at Alice as the woman sways them back and forth.]

Everyone: (singing) "May the longtime sun shine upon you..."


[Music plays in the background. Marina walks from the back, up to the counter. She spots Jenny sitting at a table on the other side of the room. Jenny frowns as she stares at Marina. She looks unhappy and in dire need of a bath. Marina hesitates, then walks over to her.]

Marina: What happened to you?

[Jenny has tears in her eyes.]

Jenny: (two beats) (whispering) I know that you, um... don't want to talk to me after what I said to you.

Marina: What do you need, Jenny?

Jenny: (whispering) I need a bath.

[They stare at each other.]

Jenny: (whispering) Can I go to your house?

[Marina looks a little annoyed.]

Jenny: (whispering) I can... wait for your break -

Marina: I thought you never wanted to see me again.

Jenny: (whispering) We were together for four years. (a beat) We were engaged. (a beat) I just had to try to make things work.

Marina: He really loves you.

[Jenny nods as she stares up at Marina. Her eyes water. Marina holds out her arms to show Jenny the bruises Tim left on her.]

Marina: He came to show me.

[Jenny sees the bruises. She shakes her head.]

Jenny: Tim did that to you?

Marina: Yes. But don't worry, I'm not gonna press charges.

Jenny: (shaking head) Am I just a coward... (a beat) and a liar... (a beat) (voice wavering) and a cheater?

[Marina doesn't answer. Jenny takes Marina's arm and kisses it. Marina looks around uncomfortably at first. She hesitates, then puts a comforting hand on Jenny's head.]


[Kit pushes her bicycle next to Tina, Bette, Alice, Dana and Shane, who're walking among the Venice Beach crowds.]

Kit: Adios, chiquitas. (Bye girls.)

Tina: Oh, bye baby.

[Tina hugs and kisses Kit goodbye.]

Kit: See you guys later.

[Bette and Kit hug and kiss goodbye.]

Kit: Oh, mwah!

Alice: Bye, Kit!

Kit: See you guys!

Shane: Bye.

Dana: See you later!

[Kit rides off.]

Tina: (to Shane) So, tell us again about this crazy party on the boat?

Shane: Oh. Allright. Harry booked it, right? But it turns out he has to go out of town. So... there's a free bar... there are very sweet cocktail waitresses... hey, it could be tit, y'know?

Bette: (almost laughing) Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure it will be tit.

[Alice laughs.]

Bette: And I'm sure you will completely understand why we won't be there.

Shane: That's too bad, you're missing out.

Tina: I'm nesting, you guys. I wish I could describe what it feels like. It's... it's...

Dana: It's okay, we can use our imaginations, really.

Tina: Primal!

[Dana and Alice look at each other.]

Tina: Females in the animal kingdom, they do this when they're gestating. You become a homebody. You just... retreat! Like a brooding hen.

[Bette and Tina smile at Alice, Dana and Shane.]

Alice: So you guys are gonna pass up a private girl party on the most famous gin palace in the Pacific, so you can go home and sit on an egg... is this what I'm hearing?

Bette: (smiling) Yes! That is what you're hearing Alice.

[Bette leans over and takes Alice by the shoulders.]

Bette: (smiling) Yes we are. (lets go of Alice) I gotta get back to work, you guys.

Tina: Bye.

Bette: Thanks for coming.

Alice: Allright. Okay.

[Tina smooches Alice on the cheek.]

Dana: Bye.

Alice: Okay. Um.

Shane: It was lovely.

[Tina and Bette walk off together.]

Dana: Yeah, congratulations, you guys!

Shane: And quite moving.

Alice: It was really pretty.

Dana: It's so desperate, you guys, we have to go ahead and do this.

Alice: Yeah.

Shane: Six o'clock.

Dana: Six.

Alice: Six.

Dana: Okay.

[Shane leaves.]

Dana: Allright, we'll see ya later.


[Jenny sits hunched over in the bathtub. After a moment, she sits up and covers her face with her hands.]


[Bette walks in the front door, carrying bags.]

Bette: (calling out) Sorry I'm so late, sweetie! I was just pulling out of the garage when I realized that I forgot the three new natural childbirth books we wa -

[Bette stops when she sees Shane, Alice and Dana sitting in the livingroom, staring at her. Alice has on her glasses and has a clipboard in her lap and a pen in her hand. Tina a sits on the couch opposite.]

Bette: (to Tina) What's going on?

Tina: I don't know. These guys have something they want to talk to us about.

Alice: Maybe you should have a seat next to Tina.

Bette: Um, can I just -

[Bette starts to walk off, indicating that she wants to put her bags up. Shane intercepts her and takes the bags.]

Shane: No, no, no. No. I have it.

Bette: Okay...

Shane: Okay. Yeah? Yeah.

[Shane heads off to put the bags away. Bette sits down next to Tina.]

Tina: Uh - Shane? Will you put that in the fridge? 'Cause leaving hot food out is what brings the bacteria to life. (to Dana/Alice) And toxoplasmosis is one of the most prevalent causes of birth defects.

[Dana looks at Alice. Alice writes something down on her clipboard.]

Tina: You get it from contaminated food, unpasteurized cheese, and... (looks at Bette)

Bette: (looks at Tina) Cats. (shakes head) Cats.

Tina: Outdoor cats.

Dana: (to Alice) Slander against cats. Write that down.

[Alice writes something on the clipboard. Shane comes back.]

Bette: Wh - What are you writing, anyway?

Alice: Okay. Here goes. The reason we've gathered here, your friends and family - because we really do consider you guys our family. That's why we were at that... ritual... thing.

[Bette and Tina smile at each other.]

Alice: Is to perform an intervention.

[Bette and Tina's smiles fade.]

Shane: Look, guys, my cousins did this for my uncle Bill and he hasn't had a drop to drink since they put him in the straightjacket and hauled him off to rehab. I swear.

Alice: Thank you for that, Shane.

Shane: Sure.

Alice: (to Bette/Tina) Now. I know what you're thinkin'.

Bette: (smiling) Well that is a relief because I can safely say that we're both just totally mystified.

Alice: An intervention is about helping people you love... change destructive patterns of behavior. Now, over the past approximately... (looks at Dana)

Dana: Twelve.

Alice: Twelve...

Dana: Twelve, yeah.

Alice: ... weeks, we've noticed a very alarming pattern. Um. You two are having a baby. And we are very happy for you.

[Bette and Tina smile happily.]

Bette: (smiling) Why wouldn't you be.

Alice: We are. (to Dana) (whispering) Jump in anytime.

Dana: Okay. Um. Guys. We've seen this happen with other couples that we've known. Janet and Sue, for instance, Claudia and Tammy, oh - (to Alice) god, especially Mimi and Ivy. Wow.

[Bette and Tina raise their brows.]

Dana: Um. It would kill us, you guys, if you wound up like Mimi and Ivy.

[Shane shakes her head.]

Dana: Okay. And we wouldn't be your friends if we just stood back and... let ya... get so...

[Dana struggles to say something. Bette and Tina squint, waiting for her to spit it out.]

Dana: So...

Tina: What!

Shane: Boring.

Alice: Boring.

Dana: Boring, guys.

Bette: Boring?

Tina: Boring?

Alice: I know this is painful. Denial is very common. It's okay.

[Bette crosses her legs and folds her arms defensively.]

Alice: That's why we've actually made this list of incidents, and this multiple choice self assessment test.

[Alice gets up.]

Alice: Which we'll go through with you...

[Alice hands Bette and Tina a couple of pages each, from her clipboard.]

Alice: ... and then the two of you can fill it out together, and tally the results.

Bette: (looking at pages) It has results?

Tina: (looking at pages) Results you can... tally?

Bette: (flipping pages) Jesus!

Alice: Okay.

Dana: Okay.

Alice: Ready?

Bette: No, but go ahead.

Alice: (reading) "Wednesday, March 5. TK arrives at The Planet with a catalog of maternity underwear, and takes up the entire breakfast making everyone choose between Pima Cotton granny panties and wide-waistband stretch-lycra maternity briefs."

[Bette raises her brows at Tina. Tina laughs.]

Tina: I'm sure I did that, but (to Alice) I needed you to help me -

Alice: Acceptance is the first step, Tina. Dana?

Dana: Right. Um, Tina, this one's for you. From the questionnaire. (clears throat) And appropriate response to the question, "Hi, how are ya?" is?

Tina: (looking at pages) I don't know. "A".

Dana: (smiling) "A"! (reading) "Fine thanks, and you?" Uh, "B", which also would have been good, (reading) "I'm feeling a little tired today, but I'm really happy to see you guys." ... But "C"? Shane?

Alice: Oh.

[Alice hands Shane the clipboard.]

Shane: Yep, um, "C", being, (reading) "I'm taking progesterone suppositories and my vaginal discharge is all gooey and brownish, and my gums are spongy and bleeding from the hormones and extra blood coursing through my body."

[Tina folds her arms. Bette, reading along, looks at her. Shane hands the clipboard back to Alice.]

Alice: Bette? I don't want you to think this is just about Tina.

Bette: (smiling) No, I'm sure. Bored the hell out of you.

Shane: Look, guys, we love you so much.

Alice: We love you guys. We do.

Dana: Ditto.

[Alice jabs Dana with her elbow.]

Dana: Love you.

Alice: That's why it pains us so much to see you in this downward spiral. I mean, Tina? Look at your feet.

[Tina looks down at her feet. She's wearing fuzzy blue slippers.]

Tina: What?

Bette: (reading) Oh, look, right here it says, "True/False. Right now, I am wearing fuzzy-wuzzy slippers."

[Tina stands, tucks her feet under her and sits back down. Alice looks at Shane.]

Shane: Allright. That's it.

Alice: Okay. Allright.

Dana: Okay. Great.

[Shane, Alice and Dana stand up and gather their things.]

Alice: So, uh... m aybe leave some copies...

[Alice and Dana hand over extra copies of the papers to Bette and Tina.]

Dana: Here... Yeah, we'll give you some extras in case you mess up.


Dana: See ya.

Alice: Okay, bye-bye.

Shane: Bye, guys.

[The three leave. Tina continues to read. Bette throws her papers down and lays her head down in Tina's lap. She rubs Tina's belly.]

Bette: (to baby) You're not bored by your mommies, are you?

[Tina brushes the hair back from Bette's face and smiles.]

Bette: (to Tina) He's not.


[A big, grey apartment building. Music can be heard drifting through the air.]


[Kit has the music turned up really loud. She's in the kitchen, shaking up a drink. The phone rings. She dances over to it and answers.]

Kit: (phone) Hola! (Hello!) (listening) Oh, wait a minute, can you hold on? Can you hold on a minute? Just one minute!

[Kit runs over to the stereo and turns the music off.]

Kit: (phone) (smiling) Hi! Yeah. Yeah, this is me.


[A young man in a business suit sits on the edge of the bed, on the phone. This is David Waters, Kit's son.]

David: (phone) It's kind of a whistle-stop tour. I'm looking at Washington U. tomorrow, then I'm off to L.A. the following day. I've been offered a place at USC. An internship. Look, anyways, what I was thinking... look, I'm in interviews most of the afternoon. And then I'm catching an evening flight back to D.C. You know, but I thought maybe... maybe we could meet.


[Kit listens.]

David: (phone) Before I leave. Look, I - I realize you're not supposed to put yourself in...


David: (phone) ... you know, stressful situations at this stage in the recovery process and... look, I - I want to be respectful of that.

Kit: (phone) No...


Kit: (phone) (smiling) ... I'm okay. I can handle it. Okay? I'll see you then.


[Conrad sits at his desk, punching keys on his laptop. Dana sits in a chair facing it a few feet away.]

Conrad: And that's pretty much it. Until they release the campaign. (sits back) You look f*cking hot. You should dress like that more often.

Dana: I'm going to a party later.

Conrad: Great. (nodding) That reminds me of one thing, actually.

[Dana smiles and nods.]

Conrad: Um... usually in a contract like this, there's, uh, something called a Lifestyle Clause, okay, in which you as the spokesperson are expected to, uh, (makes air quotes with fingers) reflect the company's image, y'know, in all aspects of your life.

[Dana frowns.]

Conrad: It can be stupid things like no - no public drunkenness, or, uh, I don't know. No Satan worshipping.

[Dana glares at him to cut to the chase.]

Conrad: This is the deal. Once you sign this thing (puts hand on contract), Subaru owns your ass. You've gotta play by their rules.

Dana: What about Martina?

Conrad: Yeah. (gets up) Yeah, I know that Subaru did that whole Martina-lifestyle campaign, but that's - that's different, 'cause Martina, she's a superstar. You know, she can pull off that whole, the whole gay thing. You're not Martina, babe. You're not Tiger Woods. You're - you're not a superstar.

[Dana frowns.]

Conrad: What you are is very hot. Very sexy. This is it. This is your chance to cash in! But you've gotta face the facts, Dana. The clock's ticking. You know, you're, uh... your Anna Kournikova days are numbered.

Dana: f*ck you, Conrad.

Conrad: (joking) Hey, I've offered.

[Dana rolls her eyes.]

Conrad: Oh. Lighten up, Fairbanks, c'mon. You can be a lez when you retire. But right now, you're an ass-kicking... but... dick-lovin'... athlete. Who's getting a fat paycheck. All you gotta do is smile pretty for the camera. Capisce? (Understand?)

[Dana stares at him in annoyance. Conrad bounces a tennis ball on the floor.]


[Bette and Tina walk to the yacht where Shane's having her party. A man with a clipboard meets them out front.]

Man: Hey ladies, how you doin'?

Bette: Good.

Man: Names, please?

Bette: Bette Porter and Tina Kennard.

[The man checks the clipboard.]

Man: Bette and Tina. There you go. Uh, Shane's not here yet. But you can go on board, make yourselves feel comfortable.

Bette: Thanks.

Tina: Okay. Thanks.

Man: Actually, you're the first two to arrive.

[Bette and Tina look at each other as they walk to the end of the dock.]

Tina: Uh-oh. We're the first ones here?

Bette: Huh.

Tina: That's really boring, isn't it?

Bette: That's boring.

Bette/Tina: So boring.


Tina: (looking around) God.

[A waitress walks by Tina with a tray of fruit Tina takes a piece.]

Bette: This is so nice.

Tina: It is.

[Tina and Bette go to the railing and look out over the water.]

Tina: (sighs) And so peaceful.


[Loud music plays - Snow's "Legal". The deck is packed with attractive women, all talking, laughing, drinking. Some are dancing, some are enjoying a Jacuzzi.]

[Tess, from the episode "Lies, Lies, Lies" walks through the crowds on deck, dancing to the music. She grabs a shot of tequila and a lime from one of the waitresses. As she walks, she tosses back the shot, then throws the glass overboard. She bites the lime, then tosses it away. She smiles as she walks to the rear of the boat, dancing. She takes off shirt, then her skirt, and steps into a Jacuzzi. Another woman stands up. They embrace, then kiss.]


[Alice is talking to a couple of girls when she turns around and sees Bette and Tina, standing off to themselves, sipping on drinks. She snaps her fingers to get their attention.]

Alice: (mouthing the word) Bor-ing! (shakes head)

[Bette takes Tina's drink and sets it down, then puts Tina's arms around her waist. She starts to dance. She looks over at Alice. Alice waves her finger around in a circle at them, to keep going.]


[Cars pass by on the street. People come pass by on the sidewalk.]


[Lara and Dana are waiting on a table. Lara stands close to Dana, talking quietly to her.]

Lara: (smiling) So you still haven't told me. What do you think counts as s*x?

[Dana looks around uncomfortably. There's a heterosexual couple nearby. The man and woman are being affectionate, giving smooches and being close.]

Dana: I don't know. (smiling) Having an orgasm?

[Lara and Dana laugh.]

Lara: (smiling) Well, if that was the case, that would mean thousands of women who are married with children have never had s*x.

[Dana smiles at her. Lara steps closer to her.]

Lara: (whispering) But either way... you and I definitely have had s*x.

[Lara cups Dana's face in her hand, and whispers closer.]

Lara: (whispering) You're so sexy, Dana. You make me come so hard.

[Dana sees the couple looking their way. She pulls away when Lara tries to kiss her. She looks away, even more uncomfortable now.]

Lara: What, did I offend you or something?

Dana: No, everything's fine.

[Dana glances back over at the hetero couple. They're not watching her.]

[Lara gets close again, and tries to kiss Dana. Dana turns her head.]

Lara: Dana, what's up?

Dana: Just, I need you to stop.

Lara: Stop what?

Dana: Touching me. Kissing me. I can't do this, okay? I'm not ready for all this.

Lara: (smiling) I don't believe you. I don't think I've ever met anyone more ready in my entire life.

Dana: I know... I'm gay. And when I hide that, I hide the best part of me. But you don't understand what it means to be me. (two beats) My clock is ticking, Lara, and - and you want to have s*x in the street.

Lara: What? I -

Dana: And I don't want to parade around making sure everybody knows our business. I'm not like you. (quietly) I care what they think.

Lara: Is this about the ad campaign, or something? Did your agent scare the sh1t out of you?

Dana: (quietly) It's just, I can't stand to be judged by you all the time.

[Lara shakes her head, not sure where this is coming from.]

Dana: You're a bigger, better person than me and every time I look at you... (getting upset) I'm reminded of that!

Lara: I'm sorry. I've been putting too much pressure on you and I'm moving too fast. Maybe we should just -

[Lara puts a hand on Dana's shoulder. Dana throws it off.]

Dana: No!

Lara: (a beat) (quietly) No.

Dana: (shakes head) I just, I ca -

[Lara puts her hand to Dana's cheek. Dana brusquely pushes it away.]

Dana: (upset) I can't! Okay?! Just forget it!

[The heterosexual couple looks away, trying to stay out of their private moment.]

Dana: (wiping tears) I can't. It's too hard.

[Dana cries. Lara looks at her sadly.]

Dana: (crying) I don't want to be with you.

[Lara is silent. Dana backs away, crying, then turns and leaves. Lara stands there, heartbroken.]


[Lisa and Alice are sitting together, talking. Bette and Tina sit nearby, within earshot.]

Lisa: What were you doing last night around 9:15?

Alice: I don't know. Um... I think brushing my teeth. (laughs)

Lisa: Did you feel anything? Because I was sending you Reiki.

Alice: Oh, my god. Did you say 9:15?

Tina: (to Bette) (whispering) Reiki, isn't that boring?

Bette: (to Tina) (whispering) Really boring. Write it down.

Lisa: (to Alice) You're under so much stress right now with everything that's going on with your mother and your siblings. If you want, I could do some hands on with you later tonight.

Alice: I would love that. I would really love that. I actually, I have this... (rubbing shoulder) I - I don't know if you can feel this...

[Lisa puts his hand on Alice's shoulder, where she's rubbing. Alice looks over at Bette and Tina. Bette sticks a finger in her mouth, as if to gag herself. They giggle at Alice.]

Lisa: Yeah.

Alice: Can you feel that?

Lisa: Yeah.

[Lisa rubs Alice's neck. Alice closes her eyes.]

Lisa: it's definitely... blocked.


[Shane is sitting with a girl, having a glass of wine. The girl kisses Shane's neck. Shane, smiling, looks up and sees Dana board the yacht.]

Shane: (to girl) Hold on a moment?

[Shane kisses the girl and gets up to go to Dana. Dana looks upset.]

Shane: Hey, hey, hey.

Dana: (quietly) Hey.

Shane: Where's your woman?

Dana: She couldn't make it.

Shane: That sucks. Are you allright?

Dana: Yeah, I'm fine.

[Dana takes Shane's wine glass and downs it all in one drink.]


[Alice sits on the bed, eyes closed. Lisa sits behind her, eyes closed, his hands near her ears. Dance music can be heard through the walls.]

Lisa: You feeling that?

Alice: Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Lisa: I'm working telepathically on your glutes right now.

Alice: (opening eyes) Right.

Lisa: You're carrying a lot of stress in your lower back and hips. (takes deep breath and exhales) Right now... I'm releasing it.

Alice: Okay.

[Lisa exhales and draws his hands over Alice's shoulders, down her sides and to her hips.]

Lisa: Now take your shirt off. I think it might help.

Alice: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure, of course. If you think it'll help.

[Lisa helps Alice off with her shirt. Alice, now in her bra, relaxes and closes her eyes again.]

Alice: Okay.

[Lisa closes his eyes, exhales and puts his hands on either side of her head again.]


[A group is gathered at the back of the boat, doing body shots. Shane, Dana, Bette and Tina are in the group. Salsa music plays in the background.]

Shane: Are you ready?

Dana: Ready.

Shane: Allright. Cheers.

Woman: Cheers.

[Everyone clinks glasses, then they all do their shots. Shane licks the chest of the woman next to her, does her shot, then bites the lime out of her mouth. Dana does the same with the woman next to her, then Bette does the same with Tina. Bette makes a face when she gets too much of the lime in her mouth. Tina laughs at her.]

Shane: One more. One more. One more. One more.

[Bette gawks at Shane.]

Woman: One more?

Shane: Yes. One more.

[Everybody gets their drinks, salt and lime ready.]

Dana: We ready?

Shane: Ready? Allright. Once again.

Dana: Go.

Woman: Cheers.

[Bette licks the salt off Tina's bosom, then tosses her drink overboard. Nobody notices. Dana laughs, enjoying herself.]

Shane: Fabulous! Okay.

[Dana sets her shot glass down and shakes her fingers through her hair.]

Dana: Whoo!


[Marina and Jenny have boarded, and walk up to the upper deck where people are dancing to Mercury Sound Cartel's "Bahia Clouds". Jenny stops and marvels at the crowd - all women. Marina moves to the dance floor and starts to dance. Jenny smiles and joins her.]


[Music from the party is heard through the walls. Alice and Lisa are half-undressed, making out on the bed. Alice reaches down and sticks her hand down Lisa's pants, but he pulls her hand back up.]

Lisa: Wait.

Alice: What... what?

Lisa: I have something.

[Lisa gets up and unzips a bag. He reaches in, and pulls out a dildo.]

Alice: (chuckling) You're kidding, right?

[Lisa runs the dildo up Alice's chest.]

Lisa: Why would I be kidding?

Alice: Well... because... you're a man. Y'know? You got the real thing.

[Alice kisses Lisa. He breaks the kiss.]

Lisa: That's not - that's not how I want to make love to you.

Alice: That's how I want you to, okay?

[Alice rolls Lisa onto his back.]

Lisa: But it goes against who I am.

Alice: Listen. You're a man. You're a man named Lisa, but you're definitely a man.

[Alice kisses Lisa, then starts kissing down his chest.]

Lisa: I'm a lesbian... man...

[Alice pulls Lisa's shorts down. Lisa moans.]


[Music blasts - Kia Kadiri's "Hands Up". Tina sits in a chair, watching all the partygoers through the windscreen. Dana is dancing like there's no tomorrow. Bette brings Tina a cup of something to drink.]

Tina: Dana's really gettin' down with her bad self.

[Bette and Tina check Dana out.]

Bette: Yeah, and I bet her bad self's gonna feel real bad in the morning.

[Dana is dancing the night away, having a great time. She winks at Bette and Tina and continues dancing.]

Bette: How are you holding up?

Tina: Mm, not so good. I'm on the 12-step program for people who are addicted to domesticity.

[Bette laughs. She takes Tina's cup and sets it down. Outside, Dana is still dancing like crazy.]


[Bette and Tina slip out the side door and look around to see that no one has spotted them. They head off the boat.]


[Alice and Lisa step out of their room. Lisa leans against a door, regaining his composure. He looks a little green around the gills.]

Alice: (smiling) Oh, my god.

[Alice tries to kiss Lisa, but he pulls back.]

Alice: What? What's the matter? What?

[Lisa opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.]

Alice: I - no, no, no. No, don't do this. What -

[Lisa suddenly turns and walks off.]

Alice: What... but you... you had a good time!


[Bette and Tina are going home. Bette draws her pink scarf over their heads.]

Bette: Here. Quick. Slip under my cloak of boringness. No one will even notice we're gone.


[Luz Casal's "Un Año de Amor" plays - the same song from the beginning of the episode. Jenny and Marina dance slowly, looking into each other's eyes, touching and kissing each other.]


[Shane snorts something off the chest of a girl, then kisses her. She breaks the kiss after a few seconds to rub at her nose.]


[Shane comes down the steps to the lower deck, where Alice is holding Dana's hair as Dana throws up over the boat railing.]

Alice: (to Dana) Hang in there. I got you.

Shane: (to Dana) Awww. Baby, let it out, let it go.

[Dana hurls. Alice has to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Shane grimaces and looks at Alice. They giggle.]


[Bette is in her robe. She carries a up of something toward the bedroom.]


[Bette walks quietly into the bedroom. Tina is in bed, snoozing.]

Bette: Here's your hot milk and honey, if you still want it.

[Bette sits down next to Tina. Tina smiles at her and takes her hand.]

Tina: I love you.

Bette: Love you too.

[Bette leans down and kisses Tina's forehead.]

Tina: And I think that you're the most exciting woman in all of Los Angeles.

[Tina rolls over and closes her eyes. Bette looks down, obviously distraught over something.]

Tina: Mm. Baby, will you turn off the light?

[Bette, deep in thought, looks down at Tina's hand holding hers.]


[Dana and Alice are curled up together under a blanket. Shane stands nearby, staring out at the water, having a cigarette.]

Alice: Hey you guys, where are Bette and Tina?

Alice: (a beat) Boring.

Dana: Yeah. So boring.

Shane: (thoughtfully) I don't know. (a beat) You know, I've been thinking about it. What's more boring, right? (to Alice) You can make endless lists. (to Dana) You can bawl your head off, and puke over the side of the boat. (looks out at water) Or you get to go home. You get to sleep with the same person you've been in love with for 7 years.

[Shane tosses her cigarette over the railing.]

Shane: I don't know.

[Shane suddenly climbs up on the railing.]

Alice: Hey.

Dana: Shane...

[Shane steps onto the railing, looking down into the water.]

Alice: Hey, hey, hey. Shane.

Dana: Shane, please. Down.

Alice: Down.

[Shane wavers and falters a bit, as she balances herself on the boat railing. She turns around, smiling.]

Alice: You're freaking me out, get down!


[Another shot of the big home, showing a rooftop deck and a footbridge.]


[Marina and Jenny are in bed. Marina is on her stomach, sleeping. Jenny sits up on her elbow, watching her. Tim's wedding band is around her neck, on a string.]

[After a moment, Jenny kisses Marina on the neck and Marina wakes. Jenny kisses down Marina's back. Marina quietly sighs with pleasure.]


[Someone's knocking at the front door. Dana suddenly comes flying downstairs in her pajamas, and smacks into the wall.]

Dana: Oof!

[A knock at the door.]

Dana: (quietly) Okay, I'm coming. (groans)

[Dana wearily stumbles to the front door and opens it. It's Conrad.]

Conrad: Wakey, wakey! Jesus f*cking Christ, what happened to you?

Dana: I got food poisoning.

[Conrad fans the air in front of Dana as he walks in.]

Conrad: Oh God! Yeah, tell what's-her-name to do you sober the night before a photo shoot.

[Dana closes the door.]

Conrad: Is she up there?

Dana: (groggy) No, she - uh... I'll go get ready.

[Dana goes upstairs.]

Conrad: Yeah, make yourself presentable. Makeup artists will do the rest.

[Conrad grabs a newspaper and sits down.]

Conrad: They work wonders, professional makeup people. Remember Gia?


[Sounds of the neighborhood can be heard - kids playing, lawnmowers running, the distant hum of traffic.]

[Harrison is helping Bette through her workout. Bette carries weights and stretches her legs as she walks around the pool. Kit comes outside from the house.]

Harrison: Twenty... c'mon, 5 more, don't give up. How are you ever gonna get those buns of steel?

Bette: I don't want buns of steel.

Kit: Shoot, I'll take 'em. As long as I don't have to strap on that torture treatment.

Harrison: (to Kit) (smiling) You know these girls liked their strap-ons.

Bette: Shut up, Harrison!

Kit: Oh no, you didn't say that!

[Bette does one more stretch.]

Harrison: And... done. Come on, let's stretch.

[Bette sets her weights down and sits on a mat.]

Bette: (sighs) (to Kit) What's up?

Kit: I was wondering - what are you doing tonight?

Bette: A lot of paperwork. Why?

Kit: (sighs) David called me the other day.

[Bette stops and looks at Kit.]

Harrison: Okay. So I'll leave you guys to it. Um... same time tomorrow?

[Harrison gets up.]

Bette: Yeah.

[Harrison high-fives Bette.]

Harrison: Good job.

Bette: Thanks.

Harrison: (to Kit) Bye.

[Harrison leaves. Bette continues with her stretches.]

Kit: (to Bette, re: David) Did you know he was gonna call me?

Bette: Dad said he might. Don't be angry with me. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get your hopes up in case he didn't -

Kit: But that's bullshit. This whole charade about him calling me because Melvin says it's alright? Y'know, it - it - it - it's bullshit!

Bette: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Kit: (huffs) I... I told him I would meet him tonight at 6 at his hotel. I'm so scared.

[Bette looks at Kit.]

Kit: Would you come with me?

[Bette looks down, sighs, then looks back at Kit.]

Bette: I'll pick you up at 5:30.

[Kit smiles, grateful.]


[Marina and Jenny are in bed.]

Marina: What are you thinking?

[Jenny kisses Marina. Marina chuckles.]

Jenny: (whispering) I'm thinking that I'm very happy.

Marina: You are?

Jenny: (whispering) Yeah. And I can't believe that I'm so happy, while Tim hurts so much.

Marina: (whispering) Well, you deserve to be happy.

Jenny: (whispering) You know, I have my, um, journals and my computer... at Tim's. And I was wondering if I could bring them here 'cause they wouldn't take up a lot of space.

Marina: You wanna bring them here? (chuckles)

Jenny: (whispering) Yes. No, I'm not saying that I wanna move in with you, and it would be just for a couple of days, but I feel like I should be writing right now.

Marina: I would feel honored.

Jenny: I think I could -

Marina: You should move here.

[Jenny stares at Marina.]

Marina: No - (laughs)

Jenny: Really? (laughing) 'Cause it's beautiful the way your - the light is coming in through the windows and... I feel very inspired.

Marina: You do?

Jenny: I do.

Marina: Yes, you could, um... you could write on the desk...

Jenny: Yes.

Marina: ... and looking over at the canals,

Jenny: Yes.

[Jenny kisses Marina's chin.]

Marina: And, uh (clears throat), you could write great works of literature that would go down history.

Jenny: (nods) Yes.

Marina: (whispering) Don't you wish there was a parallel universe?

Jenny: Parallel universe?

Marina: Yeah. Where we could live out this... fantasy.

Jenny: Oh... Y'know, it wouldn't be for more than a week. 'Cause I... can't stay at Tim's anymore, and it would just be until - I, um... I guess I have to find -

Marina: I would love to.

[Marina kisses Jenny.]

Marina: I would love to.

[Jenny kisses Marina.]

Jenny: You would love to?

[They kiss again. Jenny pets Marina's hair.]

Marina: Mm, yes. Yes. But Francesca's coming back tomorrow.

Jenny: Francesca?

Marina: Yeah. She was, uh, in Rome, doing a ballet, and then 4 months in Budapest. And then... oh, doing a movie.

[Marina smiles. Jenny stops.]

Jenny: Who is Francesca?

Marina: Francesca. You know, I told you. Everybody knows.

Jenny: No. (a beat) I don't know.