02x06 - Lagrimas de Oro


[Kit and Benjamin sit at a small table together.]

Benjamin: Thanks for joining me. I don't usually do this... socialize with my students.

[Title card: Los Angeles, California - Yesterday]

Kit: I'm glad you're making an exception for me.

Benjamin: Ah, you know, it gets kinda lonely on the road sometimes.

Kit: Yeah, I know. You must miss your family.

[Benjamin sighs.]

Kit: I'm sorry, did I overstep?

Benjamin: I'm trying to do the right thing, Kit, you know. I'm away from them nine months out of the year, sleeping alone in hotel rooms.

Kit: (laughs) Yeah. Back in the day, I dealt with it by just getting hammered every night, and waking up with a different man every morning.

Benjamin: Well, I'm glad you don't feel the need to do that anymore.

Kit: Well, I can't say that I don't feel the need. I just don't act on it like I used to.


[Benjamin and Kit walk outside, down the front steps of the hotel together.]

Kit: Well, I - I guess it's goodbye then. (laughs)

Benjamin: Yeah, yeah, well, look. Thanks for keeping me company, I appreciate it.

Kit: Oh, it was my pleasure. (giggles)

[Benjamin smiles, then leans forward and kisses Kit's cheek. She looks a little confused, then open to the idea. She smiles and sighs. He leans forward and they kiss on the mouth for a few seconds. Kit whimpers and pulls back.]

Benjamin: (whispering) sh1t...

Kit: (flustered) Uh, um, I, uh, think I should go.

Benjamin: Yeah. Yeah, okay.

[Kit breathes faster and looks around quickly, growing more flustered. Benjamin seems willing to let her go, but anxious to have her stay.]

Kit: Yeah. (smiles) Okay?

Benjamin: Yeah, okay.

Kit: Okay.

Benjamin: Yeah.

[They look at each other nervously.]


[Benjamin and Kit collapse on a bed together. Kit laughs. They kiss. Kit moans.]

[Opening credits]


[A nice, small apartment complex on the street. A couple of neighbors stroll past.]


[Tina's new apartment, a cozy little number that opens into a private courtyard. We hear Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" blasting on a radio in the apartment. In the living room, Tina and Alice are unpacking a bunch of boxes. Tina stands by the fireplace, holding a small, framed picture of a landscape.]

Tina: I don't even like this stupid picture. It's just the only thing that I have that isn't from Bette, or of Bette.

[Tina hangs the picture above the fireplace. Alice walks over and turns the radio up.]

Alice: Oh, my god. I love this song. (singing along) "Hit me with your best shot!"

[They start bobbing their heads and singing along. Tina tries to line the picture up correctly. Alice unpacks a box.]

Alice/Tina: (singing) "Why don't you hit me with your best shot? Hit me with your best shot!"

Tina: Is that straight? (singing) "Fire awaaaay!"

[Tina points at the picture, which is crooked.]

Alice: No. It's crooked.

[Still bobbing along to the song, Alice and Tina both look at the picture. Tina's straightened it, but Alice tips it to one side again. The guitar solo starts in the song. Alice picks up the hammer sitting on the mantle.]

Alice: Oh, guitar solo.

Tina: I'm drums.

[Tina starts unpacking a box as she plays air drums. Alice jumps up on the couch and starts bouncing around, playing air guitar with the hammer.]

Alice: Tina, Hello? I'm doing the solo!

[Tina dances and waves her arms in front of the couch, which Alice dances and plays air guitar. Alice does a grand leap from the couch and rolls onto the floor.]

Alice: Aah!

Tina: (laughing) Oh jeeze!

Alice: Okay! Okay, not a problem.

[Alice gets back up and starts dancing with Tina. Tina has her back to the front door, so she doesn't see that Helena has entered her apartment; Alice does. Alice stops. Helena stands in the foyer overlooking the livingroom and watches. She's dressed for business and has a large envelope under her arm. Tina slows down long enough to see that Alice has stopped dancing. She turns around. Helena smiles.]

Tina: Oh! Oh, hi!

[Tina pushes past Alice and hits the off switch on the radio. The music stops.]

Helena: I, uh, I did ring the bell but I guess you couldn't hear me over the cacophony.

Tina: (really excited) How are you!

[Tina races around, tidying up the mess. Helena walks into the living room. Alice leans against the fireplace, watching them.]

Tina: Um - god, I'm not, um - it's kind of a mess, I'm not really... prepared for company.

Helena: (smiles) I was just on my way to brunch and I thought I'd drop off this paperwork.

[Helena hands Tina the envelope.]

Helena: Now the Headquarters for Social Justice has money in the bank!

Alice: Wow! Where do I sign up? Hi!

[Alice waves at Helena with the hammer. Helena smiles and nods at Alice.]

Tina: Thank you, um... can I make you a cup of tea?

Helena: No, no, not today. I'll see you Thursday.

Tina: Okay. See you then.

[Helena turns to go.]

Tina: Thanks - thanks for coming by!

[Alice swings the hammer a few times at Helena, doing her best Psycho re-enactment. Unfortunately, Tina turns around too late to see it. She goes and sits on the couch and sighs.]

Tina: Oh, god.

Alice: What's Thursday?

Tina: (sighs) It's the Peabody Foundation dinner for all their grant recipients. I can't believe she saw me like this.

Alice: Like what, like a pregnant woman at home doing normal things in her apartment? Like a normal person who doesn't always look like she was dressed personally by Yves St. Laurent?

Tina: I think I've put her off. Did you see the way she looked at me?

Alice: (rolling eyes) Yeah. I did. It was a little bit scary.

[Alice walks over to another box and pulls out a pillow.]

Alice: Are you sleeping with her?

Tina: No. No, I haven't!

[Alice doesn't look entirely convinced. She tosses the pillow to Tina.]

Alice: Are you gonna?

Tina: I don't know. I don't think I'm ready yet. I mean, besides, look - with this.

[Tina gestures to her belly. Alice tosses another pillow.]

Tina: Alice, don't be ridiculous. She's not even interested in me.

Alice: (smiles, chuckling) Huh.


[Mark is at the counter, fixing food. Jenny and Shane sit at the table. Shane is eating from a bowl.]

Jenny: I don't know. I can't tell. Okay, do you Carmen is into me? Honestly. Okay, when you went out with her, like... was she just kind of, like... you know... I don't know... reticent?

[Mark looks up, interested in the conversation.]

Mark: Wait a minute. (to Shane) You went out with this girl? The girl you -

Shane: f*ck you, Mark.

Mark: (laughs) (to Jenny) And now you're going out with the same girl.

Jenny: I am definitely not going out with her.

Mark: And that's cool? You guys - it's that common, you guys just, uh, share chicks and sh1t?

[Shane looks annoyed. She squints.]

Shane: We don't share. I don't date Carmen anymore.

Mark: Oh, right, right, of course. You have your two-fuck limit, right?

[Shane looks at Jenny, unimpressed.]

Mark: Shane, how do you even convince a girl to go home with you? Doesn't your reputation precede you by this point?

Shane: How do you?

Mark: I don't know. I, uh, make a lot of eye contact, laugh at all their jokes... Oh, and what signs and seals the deal is I tell a tragic childhood story.

Shane: (scoffs) Oh, Mark. You're so full of sh1t.

Mark: You know it's true.

[Jenny doesn't look amused with Mark. She looks at Shane.]

Shane: Look, from what I know, the most important thing is to listen. You get them talking, and you start hearing about their life, and then you figure out what they want.

Mark: Yeah, it's true, chicks do like to talk a lot.

Shane: But, you do not talk too much. That's the thing. Talking too much can kill it. You don't tell your life story, and you don't let them tell theirs.

Mark: You should just show her, Shane. Think about it. I mean, you know this girl. You've dated her, right? What a time saver it would be for poor Jenny just to have a little three-way. Don't you think, Jenny?

Shane: Hate to tell you this, Mark, but I don't f*ck my roommates.

[Jenny smiles.]

Mark: (smiling) Damn!

[Shane gets up.]


[Dana sits at a table sipping a drink. Alice enters and walks to her table.]

Dana: Hey!

Alice: Hey!

Dana: Where ya been? Tonya's meeting is only a couple of hours.

Alice: I was at Tina's. What meeting?

Dana: Oh, you know, the Heineken Celebrity Slammin' Jammin' Tournament. So... (smiling) can we go back to your place now?

[Alice smiles at her, then sits.]

Alice: Dana.

Dana: Yeah?

Alice: I'm not gonna do this with you.

Dana: You're not gonna do what?

Alice: I'm not gonna sneak around with you. I'm not gonna be your secret lover, your backdoor woman...

Dana: (shaking head) Wha... happened?

Alice: I want you - I want you to leave her.

Dana: Al, I can't do that right now.

Alice: Why?

Dana: Because.

[Alice raises her brows.]

Dana: The tournament's tomorrow. 'Cause Tonya set up the whole thing and it's a really big deal for me.

Alice: (raises brows) Okay. Gross.

[Alice gets up and heads for the door.]

Dana: No, Al! Alice! Alice!

Alice: What?

[Dana waves her back to the table.]

Dana: (whispering) Come here. Please.

[Alice huffs, and walks back over and sits down.]

Dana: Please.

[Alice sighs.]

Dana: Al...

[Dana reaches across the table and takes Alice's hand. Alice looks away.]

Dana: Look at me. Alice.

Alice: (looking up) Hm?

Dana: I really... really wanna be with you.

Alice: You do?

Dana: Yes.

[Alice stares at the table. She looks conflicted.]

Alice: Well... well then, will you break up with her after the tournament?

[Dana nods. Underneath the table, she slips a shoe off and rubs her foot against Alice's ankle. Alice smiles and chuckles. Dana smiles at her.]


[Bette walks through the breezeway to the courtyard. She looks around, checking the place out.]


[Bette walks across the courtyard to where Apartment 4, Tina's apartment, is. Tina is outside, going through a box on her front porch. Bette's face softens when she sees her. Tina hasn't noticed her yet. When Bette gets close, Tina looks up.]

Bette: Hi.

Tina: What's up?

[Bette looks her over and smiles a little.]

Bette: You look good.

Tina: Oh... (smiles) I'm a mess.

[Tina carries a couple of candlestick holders into the open door of the apartment. Bette hesitates.]

Bette: Are you gonna invite me in?

[Tina comes back out.]

Tina: Um, to tell you the truth, I'm not really in the mood for company right now. I'd rather you had called first.

[Bette walks closer to the open door and leans in a little to see the inside.]

Bette: Well is the apartment okay? I mean, are you comfortable here?

Tina: It's fine. I'm fine. (nods) Is there something in particular?

[Bette looks a little hurt by the treatment. She sighs and walks away from the door, and faces Tina.]

Bette: We should talk, Tina. I mean, I can't carry on and pretend like it's all fine, and that I'm not as confused as hell by the whole thing. Look. I am - I'm just going to say what I have to say, and... I hope that you're able to hear it.

Tina: Okay.

[Tina sets down the items in her hands, and gives Bette her undivided attention. Bette hesitates a moment, looking unsure of speaking, then begins.]

Bette: I don't know how you could keep this baby a secret from me.

[Tina looks chastised. She looks away from Bette.]

Bette: I don't know how you could lie to me for nearly four months. I mean, we were still together - we were a couple, and you were pregnant, and I had no idea.

Tina: I planned to tell you, and then you f*cked off.

Bette: (raising voice) I f*cked up. I did not f*ck off. I did not leave; I am still here.

[Tina's expression softens a little. Bette quietens her tone.]

Bette: I want to have a place in this baby's life. This is our baby, Tina. Okay, I know that it's complicated. I know that there are no easy answers. There's probably no legal precedent. And if you prefer, we can hire lawyers and make up documents -

Tina: (sighs) (tossing up hands) I don't even have a lawyer anymore.

Bette: (nodding) Okay. Fine. I - you know what? I would rather that we work it out ourselves.

Tina: (irritated) Well, I'm not sure I want to work it out. Not in the way that you want it.

[Bette sighs, looks around, then approaches the topic from another angle.]

Bette: Did you use our sperm?

Tina: I used the sperm we had stored at the cryobank, yes.

Bette: Then this is our baby, Tina.

Tina: (frustrated) I can't believe that you're doing this!

Bette: You know what? We conceived of this baby together, we searched for a donor together, in fact, you know what? I found the donor. Marcus Allenwood is a friend of mine. And if we were husband and wife, this would be my baby.

Tina: (raising voice) Look, I just need to think about it, okay?

[Bette looks hurt. Tina backs toward the door and lowers her voice.]

Tina: Just give me some time.

[Tina goes inside. Bette moves toward the door, a sad look on her face.]

Bette: (sighs) (whispers) Okay.

[Tina closes the door. Bette looks around, frustrated.]


[Shane is at the table rolling a joint. Carmen goes to the fridge. Inside the fridge we see: Mountain Dew, orange juice, some celery, assorted hard liquor, and one bottle of beer. Carmen grabs the beer.]

Carmen: Oh, last one. Do you want this?

Shane: No, it's all yours.

Carmen: Thank you.

Shane: You're so very welcome.

[Shane sits back and lights the joint. Carmen starts to drink the beer. She stands there several seconds, drinking.]

Carmen: Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Shane: Good?

Carmen: (moaning) Mmmm.

[Shane gets up and goes over to her.]

Shane: You're such a tease. Well then, keep going. I know thirst, it's so intense!

[Shane playfully grabs the bottle and causes Carmen to spill some beer on herself. Carmen jumps back.]

Carmen: (giggling) Oh, you sh1t.

[Shane puts her nose close to Carmen's neck and takes a whiff, then jumps back.]

Shane: (laughing) Whoo! God, you stink!

Carmen: Oh, god, really?

Shane: Yeah.

[Carmen shakes the bottle and gets some of the beer on Shane. Shane jumps back.]

Shane: Aw, sh1t!

Carmen: Oh, now you are, too. Now you're gonna stink!

[As Shane backs against the counter, Carmen gets beer all over her and the floor. She laughs.]

Shane: (chuckling) I can't believe you just did that.

Carmen: No, I didn't mean to, of course. I dunno.

[Carmen and Shane wrestle over the bottle, laughing and pouring beer all over the place. Jenny walks in.]

Jenny: Hi.

Shane: Hey!

[Carmen looks like she's a kid who's just been caught behaving badly.]

Carmen: Oh, how are you?

Jenny: Um. I - I just wanted to say that Mark is out there filming with his video camera.

Shane: What?


[Mark reclines in a chair with his video camera. Several girls sit around on the couches, drinking beer and smoking. As they speak, he films them.]

Mark: Okay, who would make out with a guy for a million dollars?

Girl #1: Who wouldn't?

Girl #2: Would you?

Mark: (scoffs) Hell yeah. A lot less than that, actually. (laughs)

[Girl #2 smirks. Jenny, Carmen and Shane enter the room.]

Mark: (to Girl #3) What about you? Would you make out with a guy for a million dollars?

[Girl #3 rolls her eyes.]

Mark: A million and a half dollars?

[Jenny sits on the couch.]

Carmen: Ooh! I (clears throat, giggles) - I would make out with a Republican for a million dollars.

[Everybody frowns at Carmen.]

Carmen: What? I think - I think that Republicans can be hot.

Jenny: Take it back.

Carmen: Why?

Jenny: Because. Republicans are f*cking scary.

Carmen: Scary can sometimes be... sexy.

[Carmen smiles into the camera.]

Shane: They're not scary, they're stupid.

[Mark points the camera at Shane.]

Carmen: That's right, and stupid, Shane, can be even sexier.

Mark: Okay, but would you make out with a friend?

[Carmen leans close to the camera, smiling.]

Carmen: Sure.

Mark: What about two friends at the same time?

[Shane looks at Mark.]

Carmen: What? Oh, two friends at the same time? Uh - no, I wouldn't.

Mark: Come on.

Carmen: No.

Mark: Yeah.

Carmen: No, no.

[Shane walks over to the couch.]

Carmen: Not for some horny guy's benefit. Absolutely not. I would not.

[Shane sprawls out on the couch in the arms of one of the girls. Through the lens of Mark's camera, we see Carmen looking at Shane a little hurt, suddenly distracted from her train of thought. Mark keeps the camera trained on her. Shane kisses the other girl. Carmen smiles.]

Carmen: Jenny! Let's go get some more beer. (waves at camera) Bye. Yeah, we're out.

[Jenny slowly gets off the couch.]

Carmen: Come on!

[Shane nudges Jenny in the butt with her boot.]

Jenny: (playfully) No, don't.

[Mark gets a close-up of Jenny's ass as she walks out the door. He turns the camera to Shane. She flips him off.]


[Several people mill around the gallery, admiring the works. Bette walks in alone, looking around at the large, black and white portraits. There are many portraits of Muslim women in traditional dress, some of whom are displaying rifles.]

[A waiter carrying a tray of champagne passes her and offers her a glass.]

Bette: No, thank you.

[Helena Peabody is there with a couple of colleagues, a few feet away. Bette doesn't see her. Helena walks over.]

Helena: Hello, Bette.

[At the sound of her voice, Bette goes still and closes her eyes. After a moment, she smiles and looks over.]

Bette: Helena.

[Bette turns and begins to walk away.]

Helena: Congratulations, by the way.

Bette: On?

Helena: Leo Herrera. He's going to be wonderful for the CAC. You have such a gem. (to colleagues) Bette's going to be working with Leo Herrera. He's coming to Los Angeles for six months to help raise money for the California Arts Center.

[Bette looks uncomfortable. She manages a smile, scoffs a little, and walks off. Helena resumes looking at the art.]


[Bette drives down the quiet residential street that Franklin's mansion sits on. She pulls up to his gates and presses the intercom. She looks mad. After a moment, Franklin answers.]

Franklin: (intercom) Hello?

Bette: It's Bette Porter.

[The gate opens. Bette drives into the main driveway, to the front door. Franklin meets her out on the porch, in his pajamas and robe. Bette gets out.]

Franklin: Bette. Is something wrong?

Bette: Leo Herrera.

Franklin: I was planning on talking to you about this tomorrow. I -

Bette: Did Helena Peabody have something to do with this?

Franklin: Bette, I really don't think this is the time or place. Now, I'd like to talk to you about this tomorrow morning -

Bette: I asked you a question, Franklin.

Franklin: (raising voice) It's irrelevant. We're hemorrhaging, Bette. You yourself said that this is the most difficult fund raising climate you've ever faced.

Bette: So you went behind my back and hired a fundraiser, without consulting me, in violation of my contract?

Franklin: We hired Leo as a consultant. I suggest you take a look at your contract and you'll see that it's well within our purview.

[Bette rolls her eyes.]

Franklin: Now if you want to discuss this with me further, please set up an appointment to talk with me during the day, tomorrow.

[Bette looks at him with distaste. Franklin goes back inside. Bette gets back in her car.]


[Bette drives down the street. She looks extremely worried. She picks up her cell phone, puts the earbud in her ear, and dials. It rings, and someone picks up.]

Bette: Hi, it's me.

Tina: (phone) Hi.

Bette: It's - I'm having a rough time and it's...


Bette: (phone) ... can you talk, or are you busy?

Tina: What's up?

Bette: (phone) f*cking Franklin went and hired Leo -


Bette: - Herrera to come raise money for the CAC -


Bette: (phone) - and is actually moving him out from New York.

[Tina sits on the couch, listening, interested in what Bette's saying.]

Tina: Without consulting you?

Bette: (phone) (scoffs) And then I went to his house, unannounced, and went off on him in his driveway.

Tina: Uh. No, no, no. You didn't.

Bette: (phone) Yeah, I did. And you know who's responsible -


Bette: - for this? Your buddy Helena Peabody. The woman is a f*cking dragon -


Bette: (phone) - and she's making my life a living hell.

[Tina doesn't respond. Instead, she looks around impatiently, no longer looking interested in the call.]


Bette: Oh please tell me you're not sleeping with her, Tina.


Tina: (frustrated) Bette.

Bette: (phone) Are you sleeping with her?


Bette: Are you f*cking sleeping with her?

Tina: (phone) It's none of your -


Tina: - f*cking business.


Bette: Don't do it, Tina, that woman will eat you alive. She is a -


Bette: (phone) - vampire.

Tina: Yeah, and a dragon.

Bette: (phone) That's right.


Bette: She is a monster. However you wanna -


[Tina looks increasingly agitated.]

Bette: (phone) - categorize it, she likes to f*ck with people for sport and -

Tina: Bette! Look, you were in distress, and you needed someone to talk to, and I'm willing to listen. But -


Tina: (phone) I'm not gonna do this with you.

Bette: Do what? What are we doing?


Tina: You're trying to -


Tina: (phone) - control me, and you can't. I'm not - I'm not gonna talk to you about Helena Peabody!

Bette: (sarcastic) Oh, please!


[Tina hangs up. She shakes her head a little, sets the phone down, and goes to do something else.]


[Bette pulls the earbud from her ear.]

Bette: (under breath) f*ck.


[Dana's Subaru Outback is parked on the street. Dana is loading luggage into the back of it. Tonya comes out of the apartment acting excited.]

Tonya: Hi!

Dana: (smiling) (waves) Hi.

[Tonya zips over to Dana.]

Tonya: How's my little bride-to-be? Ready to play the best tennis of her life?

[Dana sits on the back bumper of the car. She smiles awkwardly at Tonya.]

Dana: Fine.

[Tonya checks her watch and hands Dana her bag. Dana puts the bag in with the others.]

Tonya: Okay. Well, in order to, uh, get out of here, we need to leave in about 5 minutes, to be on the safe side. So I'm just going to phone Anna Kournikova and Martina's people, make sure everything's okay in La Jolla, and then we're off, okay? (smiles)

Dana: Okay.

[Tonya pulls out her cell phone and steps a few feet away to make a call. As she walks away, Dana's cell rings. It's in a bag behind her. She get the phone out and answers.]

Dana: Hello? (listening)

[Dana suddenly turns to face the other direction to hide the call from Tonya.]

Dana: What - no, Alice, I haven't told her yet. Stop pressuring me!

[Tonya, leaning against a nearby palm tree on her cell phone, stares at Dana on hers.]

Tonya: Honey, who is that?

[Dana whips her head around.]

Dana: Huh? (a beat) (nervously) My mom. It's my mom.

[Tonya looks puzzled.]

Dana: She makes me feel so pressured when she - when she - when she calls me to wish me good luck.

Tonya: Oh. Okay. (phone) Sorry. So yeah, um, I just -

[Dana smiles at Tonya and gives her a little wave, then turns back around to talk to Alice.]

Dana: (quietly) I will call you back later. 'Kay, bye.

[Dana ends the call and puts the phone in her bag. She stands up, smiling nervously, then closes the back of the car. She claps her hands against her legs, sighing, then goes around to the driver's door. She smiles back at Tonya and gives a little wave.]


[Loud music is playing. Someone is beating on the front door. Shane goes to open it. A delivery girl, Kelly, stands there, carrying flowers and a clipboard.]

Kelly: Hi.

Shane: Hey.

Kelly: (reading clipboard) Are you Shane "McCouchen"?

Shane: McCutcheon.

[Kelly hands Shane the flowers. Shane takes them and looks at them. Kelly edges closer to Shane.]

Kelly: I need you to sign this.

Shane: Hm. Who - who are they from?

Kelly: Maybe you have a secret admirer.

[Kelly puts the clipboard in front of Shane. Shane picks up the pen. Kelly puts her hand on Shane's, directing her to the spot to sign.]

Kelly: There, is that good for you?

[Shane signs and smiles at her a little.]

Shane: Yes ma'am. That's good for me.

[Shane looks at the flowers.]

Shane: Wow.

Kelly: Don't you want to put them in water?

[Shane looks at Kelly, who's standing closer and talking a little more seductively than the average delivery girl.]

Shane: Um. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I do. Uh...

[Shane walks toward the kitchen.]

Shane: ... but, I don't know if we have a vase.

[Shane looks behind her. Kelly is following her into the house.]


[Shane sets the flowers on the counter and looks in the cabinet for a vase. Kelly follows and picks up a water pitcher from the top of the refrigerator.]

Kelly: I think this might work.

[She walks close to Shane with the pitcher.]

Shane: Yeah. You're right. It could work.

[She gets even closer.]

Shane: Thank you.

[They nod at each other. Kelly puts her hand on Shane's and pulls her to her for a deep kiss. Shane sets the pitcher down. They continue to kiss.]


[Lots of people work out on various gym equipment. Charlotte Birch is one of them. Jenny stands in front of her.]

Charlotte: Your descriptive technique is better, but you're still skating on the surface.

Jenny: How do you mean that I'm "skating over the surface"?

Charlotte: Just think about it. And then take another pass. And remember... you're not Clea.

Jenny: Um, I know that I'm not Clea -

Charlotte: Have you ever read any of the stories from my rodeo days?

Jenny: Yes. I've actually I've - I've - read all of your stories.

Charlotte: Thought so.

[Charlotte gets up and moves to another workout machine.]

Charlotte: You've got to find your own voice, Jenny. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it's not the best form of writing.

[Charlotte sits down on a bench to lift weights.]

Jenny: Um. Okay. But, with all due respect, I don't think that I'm imitating you, actually.

Charlotte: I'm not into the whole student-teacher transference thing. I prefer to keep the boundaries between us crisp and clear.

Jenny: (smiling) Okay. I will - I will keep that in mind, thank you.

[Jenny starts to walk off.]

Hunter: Hey, Jenny.

[Jenny turns back around. Hunter stands there, in his sweats.]

Jenny: Hey. Hunter.

Hunter: (to Charlotte) You ready?

Charlotte: Yes.

Jenny: I'll, uh... see you later.

[Jenny starts to walk off again.]

Charlotte: You know what, Jenny, hold on. I have an assignment for you.

[Jenny turns around. Charlotte lays on the bench and Hunter begins spotting her while she lifts weights.]

Hunter: (to Charlotte) Okay, ready? Deep breaths. One. Good. Two.

[Hunter smiles at Jenny. Jenny looks at Hunter, then Charlotte. Something's going on.]

Hunter: Good. Three. Three.


[We see, on Mark's monitor, live video from Jenny and Shane's house. In the living room, the Kelly is half naked. She and Shane are kissing. The Kelly drags her to the couch. Mark and Gomey sit watching it all.]

Gomey: She is unbelievable. You are a god, man! I mean, that's what I call good filmmaking.

[They bump fists. On the screen, Shane and Kelly are kissing on the couch.]

Gomey: Oh, goodness! Unbelievable, man! How do you know girls like this?

Mark: For two hundred dollars you could know girls like that, Gomey.

Gomey: (laughs) See, I told you man. Reality just needs a little help sometimes.

[We see the screen. Shane is kissing the girl, but not touching her. She doesn't seem hugely interested. Mark directs the camera to close in on Shane's face.]

Gomey: What are you doing, man? Pan back!

Mark: Dude, hold on a second. I just... I wanna know what she's feeling.

[On the screen, Shane and Kelly are still kissing, but now we've got an ultra-close-up of Shane's face. Her eyes are closed as she kisses the girl.]

Gomey: Who gives a f*ck what she's feeling?

[Mark watches. Shane and the girl continue to kiss.]


[Hunter sits by Charlotte's side as she does sit-ups against a huge rubber ball. Jenny stands nearby, watching.]

Charlotte: Try not speaking for the rest of the day. Not a word. Try communicating all your needs without using audible language.

Jenny: Why?

Charlotte: Don't ask why, just try it. And then, write me an essay about your experience.


[Tonya and Dana's hotel for the tournament. It's a nice, Mediterranean-style building with palm trees out front.]


[Shane and Alice walk down the hall together.]

Shane: I can't believe I let you take me to La Jolla for this.

Alice: Okay. You need to tell her to call this one off. And just explain that the longer she waits, the more painful it's gonna get because she doesn't understand that, and just... like, tell her if she -

Shane: (irritated) Alice, why do I have to tell her? She said she'd say something after the game!

[Alice looks confused.]

Shane: (irritated) Honey, mellow out, please!

[Shane and Alice round the corner. Shane sees Tonya down the hallway.]

Shane: There's Tonya! Cool.

[Alice yanks Shane back to hide behind the corner.]

Shane: sh1t.

Tonya: (off screen) Thank you so much for today. I know.

[Alice slyly peeks around the corner. Tonya is standing in her bathrobe, talking on the phone in the hallway. She has an ice bucket under her arm.]

Tonya: (phone) Melissa Rivers, I'm dying! I know. I can't believe. She's actually hosting the event.

Alice: (off screen) Melissa Rivers?

[Tonya carries the ice bucket down the hall, still talking on the phone. Shane jerks Alice back.]

Shane: She doesn't even know we're here, does she?

Alice: Okay, no. Um... okay, here's the plan, Stan. I'm gonna go talk to Dana and you're gonna call me on this phone - take this -

[Alice gives Shane her bag.]

Alice: If you see Tonya coming. Okay?

Shane: (shaking head) This is dumb.

Alice: Alright, Sh - I don't have time for this, Shane. Okay? God.

[Alice literally leaves Shane holding the bag. Alice rounds the corner and rushes down the hallway to the door to Dana's room. Shane peeks around the corner.]

Alice: (whispering loudly) Dana!

[Alice looks over at Shane, nodding and holding up her phone. An arm reaches out of the door and yanks Alice inside.]


[Dana pulls Alice into the room and closes the door. They smile and giggle as they grab each other and immediately start making out.]

Dana: Hey!

Alice: Hi!

[They make out like a couple of hormonal teenagers. Alice breaks the kiss.]

Alice: Hey, listen.

Dana: Yeah?

Alice: If you don't promise to do this tonight? I refuse to leave this room.

[They start making out again.]

Dana: Wait, wait!

Alice: What?

Dana: Wait! That's not fair, I said I would do it after. Besides, what do I say?

[And again.]

Alice: Mm!

[Dana starts kissing all over Alice's neck and chest.]

Alice: How 'bout - how 'bout, "Hi, Tonya, you're a scary robot and I'm not gonna marry you." And - and - mmm -

[They kiss.]

Alice: "But you can still be my manager!"

[They kiss again. Alice's phone starts to ring. She breaks the kiss and looks at it.]

Alice: Oh, f - oh, god, that's Shane, that means Tonya's coming, so, um...

Dana: What was your escape plan, Al?!

[Alice looks around urgently as her phone continues ringing.]

Alice: Plan - I did - I didn't really think about that one!

[Alice runs into the bedroom area.]

Dana: Alice!

[The door opens and Tonya enters.]

Tonya: Hi!

[Tonya takes the ice bucket over to the table. Dana tries not to stare at the bedroom.]

Dana: Hi-i-i!

[Before Tonya turns around, Dana straightens her clothes and hair. Tonya fixes drinks. She turns and smiles at Dana.]

Tonya: How are you?

[Dana can't stop fidgeting, but Tonya doesn't notice because she's looking at the drinks. Suddenly, Alice jumps out of the bedroom, with one of Dana's tennis rackets.]

Alice: Surprise!!

Tonya: Alice!

Alice: Hi!!

[Tonya smiles, looking a tiny bit surprised.]

Alice: Tennis, anyone?

[Dana laughs.]

Tonya: Wow, did you - did you come up here just... to support your friend?

[Dana fidgets nervously, over-smiling.]

Alice: I did!

Tonya: That is so sweet.

Alice: Ah, yeah.

[Alice puts her arm around Dana's shoulder. They grin.]

Tonya: (gasps) Melissa Rivers is great. It is such a coup to get her, I can't tell you! Heineken is thrilled.

[Tonya messes with the ice, facing away from the duo. Dana, arm around Alice's shoulders, reaches down and touches Alice's boob, then snatches her hand back.]

Alice: Yeah! You're a fantastic promoter, Tonya, you are! I mean, Dana's really lucky to have you as her manager.

[Tonya walks to them.]

Tonya: And I am so glad that you came, because our little Miss Fairbanks has been a bundle of nerves. Haven't you baby?

Alice: Oh, have you? Ohh!

[Alice pokes Dana playfully in the ribs. Dana giggles and playfully punches Alice in the shoulder.]

Tonya: (baby voice) Just one little match 'til we can go back and sleep in our own little beddy-bye, right Pookie-pie?

[Tonya touches Dana's chin. Dana chuckles. Alice stares Tonya down.]

Alice: Yeah. Okay. (to Dana) Well, I'm gonna leave you guys alone.

Dana: Okay.

Alice: But I am excited to see you kick some butt.

Dana: (smiling) Yeah!

[Alice opens the door.]

Alice: Alright. (to Tonya) (smiling) Later, girl.

Dana: (chuckling) Bye!

[Alice exits. Dana stands there laughing, then abruptly turns and walks out of the room.]


[Jenny and Carmen walk up to the front porch. Jenny smiles and watches Carmen as she speaks, but says nothing.]

Carmen: So when does your silence assignment end? I had a really great time with you, but... I think I wanna do it again when you are a little bit more verbal. Maybe.

[Jenny stops and faces Carmen.]

Carmen: Is that cool with you?

[Jenny hangs her head. Gently, Carmen puts her hand under her chin and kisses her. When Carmen pulls away, Jenny's eyes are still closed. Carmen smiles and pets her face. Jenny opens her eyes. She smiles.]

Carmen: (whispering) Okay.


[Jenny sits on the table, staring at a blank page on her laptop. She types: THE RINGMASTER.]


[We're at a circus, under the big top tent. Inside, we see various circus performers twirling batons of fire. Charlotte Birch is dressed as the circus ringmaster, in tails and a top hat. She addresses a few people seated in the audience. Her voice is distorted.]

Charlotte: Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls, girlie boys, and boyish girls! Tops! Bottoms! Queers! Bi's! Transgenders and label-free people of every stripe and variety!

[The scene goes in and out of focus. The edges blur and darken.]

Charlotte: Come and see the amazing trio of human freaks, brought before you for entertainment and amusement.

[Charlotte stretches an arm out, pointing up to the high wire. Jenny stands on the high wire pedestal in sad clown makeup, wearing a white corset and a frilly black dress.]

Charlotte: On the high wire we have our first specimen, the silent ballerina.

[Jenny curtsies shyly. The audience applauds.]

Charlotte: And behind me our second specimen, the beautiful temptress.

[Carmen is seated in front of an ornate tapestry. She is the image of an ancient Hindu goddess, wearing a crown and garlands of flowers, having six arms, all moving.]

Charlotte: And to my left our third specimen, the temptress tamer!

[Shane comes out, carrying a whip. She cracks it and walks over to Carmen. Jenny watches sadly from above and Shane goes to Carmen and they kiss. Jenny swoons, then faints, falling from the pedestal. The audience shrieks in horror.]


[Kelly sits on the couch. Mark picks up a videocassette labeled "Kelly".]

Mark: Here it is.

[Kelly reaches her hand out.]

Mark: But - (playful) I'm gonna need you to sign for it first.

[Mark sits next to her on the couch.]

Mark: (playful) Was it good for you? (laughs) No, Kelly, you were a genius in this. No, really, it's - it's -

[Kelly takes the video from him.]

Mark: It's pretty f*cking hot. I think you're gonna enjoy it.

Kelly: Thanks.

[Kelly doesn't look too happy.]

Mark: Hey, what's up? Are you sorry you did it? 'Cause if you don't want me to, I won't use it.

[Kelly faces him.]

Kelly: I don't want you to use it.

Mark: But... Kel, it's good. I mean, it's provocative, but it's not cheesy. It's gonna work really well in the narrative of my film.

Kelly: Your film. "Lesbians Gone Wild"? (rolls eyes)

Mark: No. That's actually not what I have in mind. I'm making a documentary.

Kelly: I don't know, I... Shane might get upset. You're sure she's not home, right?

[Mark smiles.]

Mark: Yeah I'm - I'm sure.

Kelly: (sighs) What? I don't wanna hurt her, that's all. She was really nice to me.

Mark: That's it, she was - she was really nice to you?

[Kelly nods.]

Mark: What does that mean, exactly? That she turns you on, she made you come real hard?

Kelly: Screw you, Mark.

[Kelly pushes him away.]

Mark: I'm sorry, that was... that was inappropriate. It's just it's good, and... guess I'm just a little jealous.

[Mark smiles. Kelly looks at him.]

Kelly: (sighs) Of me, or her?

Mark: (chuckles) Shut up! (stands) It's just - it's - it's really unbelievable, though, I just - that chick must have some kind of power or something. I've never seen a girl (tosses up hands) have that kind of effect on other girls.

Kelly: Sounds like she's working on you, too.

Mark: Not. I'm just intrigued by her.

Kelly: So does Shane sleep with a lot of girls?


[Dana plays tennis while an audience watches. Alice and Shane are in the audience with Tonya. Tonya watches Melissa Rivers, who sits on the side of the court.]

Tonya: Melissa Rivers is out of water. And her celebrity handler is just sitting there?

[A couple of guys sit around on a bench on the court.]

Tonya: What is wrong with these people?! (scoffs) I'll be right back.

[Tonya gets up and walks through the stands.]

Tonya: (to others) Excuse me.

[Alice reaches in her purse.]

Alice: Okay. Quick. Shane? I need you to read this and tell me what you think.

[Alice hands Shane a letter.]

Shane: What is it?

Alice: It's a script, I wrote it for Dana to break up with Tonya because she was having trouble finding the words.

Shane: (sighs) (reading) "Tonya. There's something I need to say to you. This isn't easy for me because you've worked really hard and done so much for my career." Alice. It's karmically wrong. It's gonna come back at you if you and Dana wind up together.

[Out on the court, Tonya carries a bottle of water to Melissa Rivers. They smile at each other. Up in the stands, Alice shakes her head.]

Alice: Alright. Yoda needs to give me some better advice or Yoda needs to shut the f*ck up.


[Kit and Bette are walking up the steps of the hotel to the TOE seminar.]

Kit: I'm so glad you decided to come, baby sis, I think it's gonna be good for you.

Bette: I'm just doing this to support you, Kit, I'm not doing this for myself.

Kit: Aw, you may say now but it's transformative. And if you don't mind me saying, you could use a little transforming right about now.

[Bette stops at the top of the steps.]

Bette: Please don't use that self-help jargon on me. I will barf.

Kit: I am not a Moonie. He just says a lot of things that make sense.

Bette: If you say so.

[Bette puts her arm around Kit and they go inside.]


[Kit and Bette approach a poster of Benjamin Bradshaw.]

Kit: Do you think he's fine? Wait 'til you hear him speak. Just something about the way he moves his body on stage.

[Kit seems to glow as she looks at the poster. Bette cringes a tiny bit, then shrugs. They head up the steps to the ballroom for the seminar.]

Benjamin: (voice over) You've begged, pleaded -


[A large audience watches Benjamin on stage.]

Benjamin: - plotted, screamed and flailed! And yet, you've still not got that thing. That one thing that you most want, that you can't live without! But! Have you taken the ultimate risk: Have you made yourself vulnerable? Say to yourself, What is the most vulnerable position for me? How can I put myself at risk to lose everything that I have to lose?

[In the audience, Kit listens intently. Bette opens up a small notepad and takes out a pen.]

Benjamin: Because, when you risk losing everything, you invariably stand to gain everything.

[Kit looks at Bette, who is concentrating as she scribbles down notes in her notepad. Kit smiles.]


[Alice and Dana stand around and fidget nervously.]

Alice: Okay. Now's the time.

[Dana takes a deep breath. Alice reaches in her pocket and pulls out her script.]

Alice: Oh, um, I wrote you a script.

Dana: A script?

Alice: Yeah, so you know what to say. Um.

[Alice and Dana look at the script together.]

Alice: Do you wanna practice?

Dana: Okay. (reading) "Tonya, there's something I need to say to you..." (mumbling as she reads) I can't say this, Al, it's horrible!

[Alice looks at the script.]

Alice: How is (reading) "This isn't easy for me because you've worked really hard and done so much for my career" horrible? I'm trying to soften the blow, here.

Dana: Because (reading) "I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to marry you"? That's a hideous thing to say to anybody, Al.

[Alice snatches the script away and stuffs it back in her pocket.]

Alice: Fine. No script. It's okay.

Dana: (sighing) Oh, god.

Alice: Just improv.

[Dana puts her head in her hands.]

Dana: I can't do this.

Alice: Yes, you can.

Dana: (whiny) No, I can't.

Alice: I believe in you.

Dana: You do?

Alice: Yeah. Dana, go. Go!

Dana: Okay, okay.

[Dana heads into the locker room. Alice peeks in, nervously biting her bottom lip.]


[The seminar is over. Attendees mill around. Benjamin is in a corner signing his book. Kit and Bette approach.]

Benjamin: (smiling) Kit.

Kit: Doctor Bradshaw.

Benjamin: Oh, it's so lovely to see you. (to Bette) And Bette.

[Bette stops staring into space and looks at Benjamin.]

Benjamin: I'm glad you decided to open yourself up. Did you find it enlightening?

Bette: (laughs) Actually, you said a few things that - hit home.

Benjamin: (smiling) Only a few things?

Bette: Well, it was a few more than I was expecting, to be perfectly honest.

Benjamin: Well tell me your thoughts, uh, what in particular resonated for you?

Bette: I guess... the comments that you made about... making yourself vulnerable.

[Kit beams.]

Benjamin: You wanna know how to make yourself vulnerable to Tina, so that you and she can raise a child together.

[Bette curls her lip and shoots a look at Kit.]

Bette: Jesus, have you told him everything that's going on in my life?

Kit: I was worried about you! I just wanted to help!

Benjamin: Go to her tonight. Wherever she is. Bring her flowers. If possible, flowers you've picked yourself, rather than bought.

[Kit looks down, scorned. Bette rolls her eyes.]

Benjamin: Give Tina the flowers, and say "You hold all the cards." No matter what she says, say... "You hold all the cards."

[Bette smirks and shakes her head a little.]

Bette: (voice over) It is my personal business -


[Bette walks quickly down the stairs. She's mad. Kit dashes after her.]

Bette: - I don't want some stranger knowing my personal business, especially someone like Benjamin Bradshaw.

Kit: Well, if there's anyone you should trust, it should be Benjamin, I mean he's a good person.

Bette: (smirks) He's a f*cking circus performer.

Kit: I thought you said he said something that hit home.

Bette: Well of course. It's a technique of people like him. You spout enough pre-packaged wisdom, there's bound to be something for everybody. You know, I find something for me in the Vogue horoscope, too, that doesn't mean it's not bullshit.

[Kit sighs. They face each other.]

Kit: Does that mean you're not gonna do the assignment?

[Bette sighs and looks at her sister, hesitant to say no. She puts on her sunglasses and walks away.]


[Dana sits on a bench in the locker room, getting changed.]

Tonya: (off screen) Pookie, where are you?

[Tonya winds her way through the rows of lockers and finds Dana.]

Tonya: God, your locker's like in Siberia! We are going to have to have a harsh conversation with somebody about that -

[Dana puts her hand up.]

Dana: (firmly) Tonya, there's something I need to say. Please.

[Tonya sits.]

Tonya: Me too. Why don't you go first? (smiles)

Dana: Okay. Tonya...

[Dana takes her time. She takes Tonya's hand, and smiles up at her very genuinely and heartfelt.]

Dana: You are an amazing woman.

[Tonya smiles.]

Dana: You came into my life at a time when I was trying to figure out who I really was, and... you made me feel so well taken care of. You had such respect for me. That I started learning to respect myself.