05x05 - Lookin' at you, kid

[bunniefuu]

The L Word - x - Lookin' at you, kid

Okay, everyone.

Quick roundtable introduction and then we'll get on with it.

Hi.

My name is Cammie and I'll be playing Shaun.

What's up everybody?

My name is Susan and I'll be playing Alysse.

Hi, I'm Lauren.

I just took the most hellish flight to get here.

So I'm very happy to see you all.

I'm playing the role of Helen.

Hello, I'm Isabella.

You can call me Bella.

And I'm playing the role of Bev.

Hi, I'm Gretchen, and I'll be playing Nina.

Can I just say how excited I am to be here?

I think we're going to do some very important work.

Apologies.

I was signing papers on the new loft.

I'm Begonia, playing the predator.

And I'm Cheryl.

I'm playing Kat.

You all just watch out.

- Hi, I'm Marcy.

Donna, the socker player.

- Hey all.

Happy to be representing the dudes.

I'm Greg.

I'll be playing Jim, Jessie's fiancé.

Don't think I'm a bitch because I'm wearing my sunglasses inside.

I, uh, just got my pupils dilated which is weird.

But, um, anyway, I'm not being weird.

I just have to wear them.

And I'm Niki, playing Jessie.

- Peace.

- I'm Tina, I'm the producer, I'm also the vice executive producer of creative affairs for Shaolin's Pictures.

Welcome.

Hi everyone.

My name is Jennifer Schecter, and I'm the writer.

And I'm also the director of "Lez Girls", and I just wanna say how thrilled I am, I really am, to have all you guys here.

This is the culmination of so many things for me, so I wanna welcome you guys to the first table read-through of "Lez Girls"!

- "Something Ain't Right" by The Staple Singers -

I, uh, I was just having a quick drink.

I had a brutal day at work.

You've been avoiding me.

No, I haven't.

OK, yeah, maybe I have.

I'm sorry.

I just think we should talk about it.

That's all.

Yeah, you're right.

Let's talk.

Do you wanna have a drink?

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't right now.

I'm supposed to meet Jodi, but I...

What about tomorrow afternoon?

I can't tomorrow.

I have meetings all day and...

- Right.

- Jenny's having this party tomorrow night for all the actors.

I've gotta go to that.

I don't wanna make it difficult.

I mean, really, I'm not trying to.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- No, no, no.

Don't be sorry.

You and Jodi are together.

Okay.

I don't want to get into this whole f*cked-up push-me-pull-me thing with you.

Let's not get all freaked out and weird and manipulative about...

Am I being manipulative?

Is that...?

No.

Let just talk when we talk.

- Have a good night.

- Yeah, you too.

It's gonna be so insane at Jenny's party with the whole cast of "Lez Girls" there.

Really?

Well, it's like that game, "Who would play you in a movie?".

- Except it's real life.

- Yeah.

I always thought Parker Posey should play me, but...

I mean...

Beech and I have a strategy session tomorrow night.

I won't be home until late.

Well, you can come after!

Hey Tash, there's the basketball guy of the other night on TV.

He's always on TV.

...last year, the reaction from the sports comunity was mixed.

Today, another NBA player, Daryl Brewer, has voiced his disapproval of the h*m* life style.

John Amaechi recently announced that he's gay, becoming the first in the NBA to come out.

What do you think of his decision to come out publically as a gay man?

Firstable, I wouldn't want him on my team, you know?

I don't think that's right.

I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.

I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

Oh, my God, you little sneaky f*g!

Oh my God, Tasha!

Come here!

You're not gonna believe this.

Hold on.

This is crazy.

Okay, ready?

Hold on.

...as a gay man?

Firstable, I wouldn't want him on my team, you know?

I don't think that's right.

I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.

I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

That little piece-of-sh*t poser.

It's one thing to keep your business to yourself, but it's another thing to go spread lies and hatred.

I know!

He was, like, three feet away from me,

- asking me about my shoes.

- Whatever.

He'll get his someday.

It's because of people like that that you have to fight so hard to keep your job.

Wish I could smack the sh*t out of that guy and out his hypocritical ass, but it ain't gonna happen.

So much for that.

You heard it here from News Life,we'll continue to bring you more of this story and fold.

Stay with us.

- "What Is This Feeling" by The Sessions -

How are you?

Good, good.

How are you?

I'm doing well.

I can't complain.

This is looking good.

It's good.

Oh, yeah.

We've been expanded.

I see you did the drive-through window.

I remember

- Kit was talking about doing that.

- Yeah, yeah; she told Dawn.

Apparently, L.A.lesbians like to do everything in their car.

That, and they love their cafeine.

Planet coffee?

Come on, that's so tired.

You should try our new blend.

It's so much more flavorful.

- Oh, yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Plus, we have so many other delicacies to offer.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Like what?

- Tarts, pie, muffins, lady fingers...I could go on.

Well then maybe you should think about giving a sample so everyone gets a taste.

Yeah.

You know, why don't you...

Why don't you come over our place this afternoon and we'll cook you up something special?

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Sure.

I'll be there.

- I'll see you later.

- Yes, you will.

- Have a good day.

- Yeah, you too.

Yeah!

And who was the other girl?

Oh she was the one I met in Cago.

She was so beautiful and she went to UCSB.

So you know, we did the whole community thing from L.A.to Santa Barbara for a while, then it kinda turned into a drag so, we ended it and that's when I met the other girl, Jamie.

Jamie, that's so ugly.

Jamie was a "boy", you know.

Not a B-O-Y boy, but a B-O-Y boy.

And she was super adorable and I actually had so much fun with her, except for when she was drugged, because then,

- she was a total AO, right?

- Right.

So anyway, do you have a girlfriend?

- No.

- Why not?

Because I have to be a good girl and be serious about my work.

What about this one?

No.

Adele, do you like it?

I think you look beautiful.

Don't listen to her.

She wears mom jeans with camel toe.

It's true, Adele.

Listen, you just need to be more Midwestern and middle of the road.

She really didn't become fashion forward until she started this Svengali-like relationship with Karina.

What's this, "Svengali"?

Svengali is a character in a George du Maurier novel called "Trilby".

And he's a hypnotist, and he meets a young woman and turned her into a performer and his muse.

And he became controlling and she found that she couldn't perform without him.

Totally sounds like Jamie, a total AO.

That looks pretty.

Jesus f*ck, Adele!

Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

- You scared the sh*t out of me, woman.

- I am sorry.

Jenny just gave me the keys of the house so I can drop this stuff off.

Oh, God, I didn't know you were baking.

I was gonna get some cakes and sweet Lady Jane.

No, no, no, no.

You don't have to.

You don't have to.

I'm making party brownies, so don't worry about it.

- Party brownies?

- Huh?

What are party brownies?

- Party brownies.

- Ooh...party brownies!

Hi Max.

You know, when I was a kid, my neighbours had this huge pot farm in their backyard, and uh, my dad was a fireman.

So he always tried to call the cops on, but, I don't know, I think that the chef must have been a pothead because...

I thought you said your dad was a traveling salesman.

Yeah, he was.

He just, um...

he just volunteered for the fire department on the weekends.

Oh, okay.

Anybody need anything from the grocery store?

I'm gonna go get the food.

- No, I'm fine.

Thanks.

- Yeah?

Knock, knock.

Hey, come here!

- Yes, I will.

Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Good.

Good.

Nice to see you.

- How's it going?

- Good.

How are you?

How's Jenny's indentured servant working out there?

I gotta say, I think she's kinda cute.

- I know, in a nerdy kind of way!

- What?

Yes.

- Yes, I think so too.

- She's really hot.

I think there's something kinda off about her, maybe.

- Really?

Like what?

- Like she's not exactly who she pretends to be.

You're one to talk, there, Max.

You know what?

f*ck off!

So, what do you want me to work on?

You just f*cked up.

Major project.

Okay, and you don't have any program to make my boobs look smaller?

No.

- Okay, go.

One last time.

- Okay, here it is.

Hi, this is Alice Pieszecki, and this is a very very special edition of Alice in Lesboland.

I've got a little beef that I need to talk to you about.

I was invited to a party over the weekend.

I was very excited.

I was all dressed up.

Um, and, I met a fabulous, super nice, flaming h*m* man, named Daryl Brewer. Ring a bell?

I guess he's a big sport somebody.

I don't know...ball.Don't ask me.

So, even I wasn't supposed to, I took this, this little video of him.You can roll that.

Okay.So you can imagine...

It gets me everytime.

???

...on TV, saying this on the national news.Roll it.

I don't want any faggots in the locker room looking at me or brushing up against me on the court.

I don't like gay people, so I let it be known.

Alright.I'm letting it be known, Mister Brewer, - that you're a h*m*... - Yes.[/i]

- ...and a hypocrite. - Yes, you are.[/i]

- I love that part.- And I'm Alice Pieszecki,[/i] and this is Alice in Lesboland, and I'm out.

- So you're sure you want to do this.

- Oh, my God, put it up.

Let's go.

- Launch it!

What do you do?

- Okay, just upload.

Alright.

There it goes.

- "Horny Pony" by Spectrum -

- Hello?

- Hey.[/i]

Hey, come on up.

Hello?

- "Horny BV by Jaymes b*llet -

You like what you see?

Nice shoes.

How are you?

- I'm good.

- Yeah?

Where's Dawn?

I hope you don't mind, but I kind of want you all to myself.

But I thought you did everything together, right?

Isn't that what you said?

Don't worry about it.

She'll be fine.

Really.

Look, we're in a really open relationship.

Okay?

Yeah, but if I recall, I think Dawn was pretty clear on the rules, right?

So, do me a favor, call her.

Get her over here, then we can all bring sexy back together.

She's at work.

Cindi, I don't want drama.

So, please, in the spirit of full disclosure,

- would you please...

- What?

- Get her on the phone.

- What's the deal, huh?

- You mean you like her better than me?

Is that it?

- No!

No, no, no.

- No, I love...

- So what?

- You made the rules, I didn't.

- So kiss me.

I can't.

Alright.

Do you wanna f*ck me or not?

Come on.

Hey Kit, did you know that those SheBar girls were serving breakfeast and coffee down the street?

What?

I thought they two of them said they were just gonna do nightlife.

Well, apparently nightlife is now on the day and then involves bagels and lattes.

And yeah, they had a drive-through window.

- Are you kidding me, girl?

- No!

That was my idea!

I told that Dawn Dembo that I was thinking about having one of those things put in.

- Really?

- Yep...

Hey Max.

What's up?

Really?

Okay thanks.

Hey Kit, can I use your TV?

- Can I?

- Yeah.

Channel .

And here he is, Daryl Brewer, in front of his Michigan home.

I can only apologize to my family and friends and team mates, and ask for the Lord's forgiveness.

I'm going to take this time to be with my love ones, and seek the help that I need.

Thank you for your time.

- Oh my God!

- A journalist,[/i]

Alice Piezeki...

Oh!They know my name!

- on the gay website OurChart...

- Oh my God![/i] Oh look at you!

Look at you!

That's you!

Look at your hair.

You look you.

The story has received national attention.

- Oh my God!

- The clip was quickly uploaded onto You-Tube[/i] where it had an estimated , hits the first two hours after it was posted.

No comment on Brewer on the identity of the man he was kissing.

I can't believe that damn Brewer is gay!

- Oh my God!

I've like new messages!

- What?

Whatever you do, move the create sh*t to the beginning of the day.

Oh yeah, and you know what?

Jenny still hasn't met with the production designer.

We really need that to happen, okay?

- And could you be there to take note?

- Tina!

Tina, Tina.

Tina, guess who had the most amazing idea.

Guess who should be in the movie.

Sounder II!

He's so cute.

He's perfect.

- Totally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You're perfect.

You know, Jenny, dogs can be really difficult for a production.

They can make you go a lot longer, and cost a lot more, and they have specially trained camera-ready dogs anyway when they do use the dogs and I don't know if Sounder is ready for that.

Well, he thinks he's ready for it.

So, I'm gonna get Sally to get him his temporary working papers.

- Yes, Sally will love it.

- Oh, totally.

- It's a good idea.

- Sally has like dogs.

- Did you meet Sally?

- Yes!

Well, at least the two of them are getting along.

How did that happen?

We have Adele to thank for that.

Really?

How did you do it?

Jenny hated her.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I didn't, really, I didn't do anything.

I just, I knew that Jenny knew how much Niki wanted the role that it came out of personnal conviction, because she relates some...

You saved the picture, kid.

Adele, can I talk to you for a second?

Firstable I just, I wanna tell you how much I appreciate what you did for finessing the situation with Jenny and Niki.

It took a lot of initiative and uh...

God!

I just think you could be a great asset to production.

I do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I just um...

I just wanna contribute in any way that I can.

Well, that's great because you know, it's Jenny's first time director and sometimes, first time directors, they can get distracted or caught up in the wrong things and it would be great if you could just keep me apprised of anything that you might think might be an issue for production.

Do you...do you mean you want me to spy?

Oh, no no no, no no.

I wouldn't want you to betray any confidences.

Just give me a heads-up if you see any potential problems.

That's all.

For Jenny's benefit.

- Okay.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- Just for Jenny.

- Yeah, I'm here to help.

So...

- that's great.

- Great.

- I'm counting on you.

- Thanks.

This is Tasha Williams.Leave a message.

Hey Tash, it's me.

Hi!

I really, I've been trying to reach you all day and I really, really need to talk to you because I am being asked to go on Crossfireball or, I don't know, whatever, and I posted that video of that guy Brewer, and, um, yeah, it went viral, and it's crazy, and all these news organizations want to talk to me, so I need to talk to you, because I need to know what you want me to say.

Okay?

It's important to me.

So please call me back.

We're gonna get those f*ckers.

Whoo!

Okay, I love you.

Call me.

Bye.

Yes, I am professional.

Yes.

Okay.

Hi, it's me. I just wanted to double-check that you'll be able to take Angelica the weekend of the th.

I think I might have to, I might have to go to town.

I don't have my book in front of me, but I'm sure it will be fine.

Okay.

Great.

Is that it?

Yeah. No.

Well...

I don't know.

It's not a big deal.

It's not a big deal.

I just...

I just don't know what to do.

But I know you're busy.

- No, no, no.

What...?

- Nevermind.It's okay.

[/i] What is it?

Well, there's this major controversy brewing here because Jodi let one of her student perform this particularly provocative art piece and now the Board of Trustees is completely up in arms and Jodi wants to talk to them, but I think it's a terrible idea because she's bound to tell them all what a bunch of ass holes they are.

And I just believe that if she starts talking to them it's gonna exacerbate the whole situation

- and really they're gunning for her.- Let her speak for herself.[/i] Jodi's a very capable person.

And very hot-tempered.

Yeah.Look, I know you want to fix everything, okay? But you just have to let her fail or succeed all on her own, okay?

Otherwise it's just a disaster.

For both of you.

So you're saying that I should stay out of it?

Yeah.Ah.. support her, advise her, but otherwise, let her deal with it herself.

Okay.

I'm sorry to talk your ear off.

I just need somebody to talk to. You know what?

It's fine.

Look, I gotta go.

I have a meeting.

Right, right.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay.

Bye.

Bye.

- "Sweet Things You Do" by Mavis Staples -

I can't wait for you to meet the actress playing Shaun.

Is she ?

Okay, here's all the extension cords I have.

Good.

Adele's just outback.

In the front, putting up the lights.

Hey Jenny, how's everything working out with her anyway?

Great.

She's so good.

I mean, I just don't imagine what life would have been like without her.

I just have to say, you know, something wasn't quite sitting right with me about her, so I uh...

I did a little background check on her.

Okay.

So?

Remember how she said her mom was hospitalized from to ?

And that her dad was a traveling salesman?

Well, okay.

She said he was out on the road the whole time

- she was at the hosital, right?

- Yeah.

Then she said he hurt his back in a factory accident.

I don't get it.

I don't need to know this sh*t. before festivities begin.

I gotta say I like her though.

I think she's a sweetheart.

Yeah, I know.

It's just, I checked out her story a little bit.

And um...

the hospital she said her mom was in from to ?

The Bird Well Sanitarium?

It closed in .

Well, I'm gonna assume that's because it was a troubling time in her life and her memories are not that clear on it.

- Yeah, Max.

- Maybe.

- Adele!

- Maybe.

- Adele, come here!



- Jenny, don't tell her.

- Shut up.

- Don't.

Come on!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is it?

Max thinks that there's something very suspicious about you because he said that the sanitarium that you said your mother was in, well, he said it's actually closed.

So...

Adele, it's not like I was checking up on you or anything.

It's just I was researching something for Alice and I ran across this thing and I just, I wanted to clear the area, you know?



Yeah, that's totally fine.

I mean, I get why it would be confusing.

- "Roc Ya Body" by Ping Pong b*tches -

My mom was, she was at Bird Well, but she...

When she tried to...

I'm sorry.

She...

We had to take her to a high security institution down to Winter Park.

So, I don't know.

Maybe Bird Well closed down after that.

I don't know.

I'm gonna go finish.

Just go finish hanging the lights.

Now that was some good thinkin'.

Okay everybody silent.

We're back in , , , , Miss Pieszecki, why did you feel compelled to post the footage you sh*t of Daryl Brewer on the internet?

Originally, I didn't, uh, videotape him with the intention of outing him.

- It was more personnal...

- That's hard to believe that you weren't seeking notoriety by filming him and then posting the footage on your website.

No, I...

No.

I just thought it was very mean what he said about gay people.

But that's freedom of speech.

That's his prerogative, to say whatever he wants to.

But it's a violation of his privacy if you're going to videotape him when he doesn't think he's being watched, and then have it put up on the world wide web.

No, I...

I didn't think it would get so big.

You never thought it would get so big?

You're an internet journalist and you didn't realize the power of the net?

Come on.

I mean, these things go viral in an instant.

It destroys careers.

Imus, Isaiah Washington...

You know, the list goes on.

- Yeah, it wasn't like that.

- Do you regret what you did, Miss Pieszecki?

Do you care that you might have destroyed this man's family?

- I don't buy it.

- Wait a minute.

Why should I feel bad for hurting this guy?

I mean, when he's hurting me and millions of other gay people

- by saying such hateful comments?

- Yeah, but the bottom line is

- I think you're just seeking...

- Listen, he started this

- by saying awful things in the first place.

- So you're going to take it upon yourself

- to then go after every single person...

- No, I'm talking.

I'm not finished.

Listen.

Gay people are bashed and harrassed and k*lled every day.

And then you've got this guy who's gay himself, and he's saying this garbage?

It's disgusting!

I totally respect someone's choice to stay in the closet.

I do.

If that's what they want to do, I get it.

But I don't think it's okay to kiss your boyfriend one day and then go out and trash gay people the next.

Especially if you're a public figure and you have people looking up to you.

No, I don't feel bad.

I do not feel bad about what I did.

Well, she's a got a good point pad.

I'd like to actually go back to what we spoke about earlier if we could.

- I have an idea.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

Why don't we just skip the party?



You just don't want to give Jenny the satisfaction.

No, that's not it.

I'm letting that go.

Jenny can do whatever she wants with her silly movie.

I'm completely detached from the notion that it has anything to do with my life.

It is fiction.

Fiction.

I'd rather stay here with you.

And baby-sit you.

With all this non-sense at work, I think we need to reconnect.

- "I Mean Wow" by Imitation Electric Piano -

- Hey!

- Yeah?

I want to dance.

- You wanna dance?

- Yep!

Oh Christ!

Let's go to the party for a little while.

And then we're gonna come home and connect.

I wanna change my clothes.

- "Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford -

How are you?

- This is for you.

- Oh, that party's starting to hit!

Thank you.

Come to the back, I wanna show you the f*cking house.

You're gonna like it.

Thank you.

So you're playing Shaun?

Yeah.

Good.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

You know, I'm...

not gay.

Okay.

I have a boyfriend.

So...

Good for you.

I just play gay.

Right.

Gay for pay.

That's cute.

Excuse me.

Hi!

- Congratulations.

- Thank you very much.

Do you guys want something to drink?

Jodi, do you want a drink?

Adele!

Make them something great.

- Thank you.

- Bye!

- Cheers!

- Cheers!

- "Lights Go Out" by Client -

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Hi!

How are you?

It's so nice to see you.

You have to meet Alysse.

Look!

- Is this?

- Yes!

- I've gotta go!

- Wow!

- Hi, I'm, I'm Susan.

- Uh, Alice.

- Playing Alysse by Alice!

- Wow!

- You?

Really?

- Yeah!

- God!

Oh, Alysse.

How are you doing?

- Good.

- I don't see it.

- I know!

- You know?

- I know I could change hair.

No, no, no, it's just I have some ideas I was actually gonna get in touch with you through Jenny.I, I don't know if

- you're open to it or...

- Totally open.

- Okay, yeah.

- I'm like a wide open clam here.

Thanks for talking to me earlier today.

It's fine.

That's fine.

I mean, it was awkward and I just felt

- really, really stupid.

- No, no.

Isabella, good to see you.

Yeah, thanks for coming.

Isabella Perkin, this is Bette Porter.

It's really nice to meet you.

I'm such a fan of your work.

Oh my God!

Bette?

I should have recognized you from your photos.

I've been researching you online.

It's so wonderful to meet you.

You've been researching me?

Isabella is playing Bev in "Lez Girls".

Wow.

Oh, God.

I mean, I knew that you were in the movie; I just, I just didn't realize that you were going to be playing Jenny's warped interpretation of me.

It must be difficult for you, to have your life and relationships examined.

No, it's fine.

It's fiction, right?

I mean, it's fiction.

- It's fiction.

- It's fiction.

It's so important for act to get to the truth.

I was hoping you could help me with my wise.

Your wise?

I can see you are an incredibly passionate and accomplished woman.

You know, you've worked hard to get where you are.

You know, you're bold and uncompromizing and your, your vision and your approach to life?

You got a great marriage to a kind and generous partner.

You know what, Bella?

I don't know if the party

- is the place to really, you know talk...

- Something's wrong.

Why?

I mean, what is it in Bev that seeks to sabotage everything she's built?

Why did she cheat with the plumber?

Does she seriously think that Jenny's idiotic drivel is reflective of me and my life, at all?

I can't answer your f*ckin' "whys".

You know why?

Because it's not me.

It's not me.

And, apart from anything else, I am frankly f*cking flabbergasted.

I am flabbergasted that she cast such a white actress.

She's white.

Okay?

Was Mary f*ckin' Poppins not available?

I mean, really, what the f*ck can she possibly know about my life?

What can she know?

Is she black?

- "Spoon Me" by Ohm -

Thank you.

Bette, can I just...?

Excuse me.

I'm so sorry.

I had no idea that Isabella would blindside like that.

You know what?

The thing is, she's not wrong.

I still don't have any answers to any of her "whys".

I don't.

What happened the other night...

it was a mistake.

Okay?

It just, It shouldn't have happened.

I know, I know, and we just got caught up

- in a moment.

- Yes.

- It's just not gonna happen again.

- No.

No.

Of course not.

Are you...

are you sorry that it did?

Yes, I am.

Are you in love with Jodi?

Yes, I am.

I already tried to get Tasha on the phone so I can tell her about all.

I can't get her on her cellphone,

- I can't get her on the phone!

- Hey, you want one?

Oh, I'm good, thanks.

Hey, listen!

They're not gay, I promise.

Oh, my God, what if they were gay!

What if the brownies were gay?!

They'll all be f*cking each other!

- "I Want You Back" by Jackson -

Hey, Shane!

Yeah, yeah.

How are you doing?

- Cindi?

- Cindi, no.

- That's Cindi.

- I'm f*cking Dawn Dembo.

- And it's my lover, Cindi.

- Oh, that's Cindi.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

And I'm telling you you've gone and messed the wrong...

But don't look at her!

You messed with the wrong bitch, bitch!

You f*cking come into my house and f*ck my beautiful girlfriend

- without event the courtesy of inviting me?

- Cindi, you said it was okay!

- Let just go, let just go.

- You know what?

Stop.

Seriously, you've gone this close, seriously.

You said that was fine.

You said it was...

What the f*ck?!

You expect me to believe that?

- Tell her!

- That my baby...?

No, no, no.

You think I'm an idiot?

Does it look like I was born yesterday?

What do you think?

Oh, m*therf*cker.

Okay.

That's funny.

No, that is.

You know what I'm gonna do?

Babe, just for you.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I am going to f*cking ruin you.

Okay?

And every one of your smug-ass m*therf*cking friends.

And you, I don't even know you, but you're going down too.

- How about that?

- Me?

Yeah!

Yeah.

And your stupid-ass f*cking Planet?

It's done.

All right?

It's all done.

Yeah!

Oh, then go ahead smart ass!

Let me tell you one more thing.

You know what?

Keep these skinny f*cking hands of yours yourself.

Alright?

It's on.

Alright?

It's f*cking on!

Cindi!

I'm so sorry.

Hey, really good time with you over there.

- Turn the music back on!

- What was that?

They're the two girls that own SheBar.

Oh my God!

- "Surrender" by theSTART -

I don't get that.

Like, I mean...

Okay.

I know that they're on the couch, and they're like having this like intense conversation about books and

- and all that.

But...

- Yeah.

What?

I mean, then they just go to the bathroom so suddenly?

Totally!

- Come on, it's so cheesy!

- Oh my God!

f*ck off!

No!

Yes, it is.

It's like Cinemax or...

- Cinemax...!

- No, it's just...

It's true.

Oh my God!

I just had the most awesome idea.

Okay, you've gotta go over there.

Go over there.

- Right here?

- Yeah, yeah.

Okay, get here!

We're gonna f*cking workshop the scene!

Just put your hands over your face, okay?

You've gotta e seirous.

Okay.

You are Jessie.

Take the hands off your face and transform.

Go for it!

Go!

No, come on!

Can be Jessie, be serious.

You have just met the most alluring...

Okay, come on!

Just be serious!

Okay, so look I'm gonna...

Yeah, be serious.

- Okay, Karina and Jessie...

- So, like, You're sitting across from this woman, and she's, like, the most alluring, intoxicating woman of your whole life.

She's, like, talking about, like, f*ckin' "Silver Water", and like you're just going insane, and your, like, heart is, like, in your throat, and then you remember that you have this man named Jim, who likes to swim.

And you're just like,

- "What am I gonna do"?

- Don't!

- Okay, but you do last as well.

- Wait.

- Okay.

Who...

- Two emotions.

What?

- Who you're gonna be?

- Okay, I'm gonna be, wait.

Oh my God!

Let me check.

Okay, Karina and Jessie...

Karina...

I have to pie.

And she comes into the bathroom.

And she's looking at you, and then she takes you and she turns you around, she pushes you against the wall.

And then she kisses you.

See, now you have to go.

Or, Jessie stays.

- "Ciao Baby" by theSTART -

Niki stays.

- "Goodbye" by Asobi Seksu -

- Uh, no, no, no, no!

- Who's there?

Who is that?

Where's the lock?

Where's my...?

There's no lock.

You can't take it off?

Please, take it off!

Take it off!

Your shoes are ??? f*ck you!

I totally have these shoes.

You do?

They're my Daisy Dukes.

We're going to f*ck in a closet.

The irony hasn't escaped me.

Shut up!

- You know what?

- I used to f*ck in this pool.

f*ck it.

- Who cares.

- Oh yeah.

- This used to be my pool.

- What?

It used to be my pool!

You guys, I think I lost my buzz.

I'm going to go get another pot brownie.

I'd like to make a noise complaint.

My next door neighbour.

Oh my God, baby!

Where have you been?

I've been trying to call you all day!

Why would you do that?

- Do what?

- Out that guy like that.

You turned his whole f*ckin' life upside down.

- I did that for you!

- What are you...

- what are you talking about?

- You said "I hope that guy gets what's coming to him", - so I gave it to him.

- Yeah, but it's not your job to put his business out there like that.

Who are you to judge that man's life?

You don't know what he's going through or what his circumstances are.

What's the difference between you outing him and the m*llitary outing me?

- Oh, my God, that's so different!

- No, it's not different!

And then you do it on national f*cking television!

I tried to call you all day

- to see if that was alright.

- How can that be alright? !

That's...

that's our problem.

You never think.

I am so f*cking sick of you talking to me like that.

No seriously, doll!

When this is gonna stop? !

And now you're doing TV interviews, and you've got newspapers calling,

- and you like the big deal all of a sudden.

- What?

Did you ever think that this might not be the most discreet thing to do while I'm prepping for my hearing?

- You know that they're watching me!

- You are such a f*cking hypocrite!

You say you don't want what you're going through to change my life, and then the second I do something that I want to do,

- you get mad at me? !

- You're not getting my point.

You know what?

We're just thinking differently.

Why is my life supposed to stop because you wanna live in a f*cking closet?

I did not sign up for that bullshit.

You did.

I am allowed to say what I want and do what I want and f*cking out who I want and love who I want, because I live in the g*dd*mn U.S. of f*cking A.

And I'm the one out there fighting for your right to be ignorant.

- I can't even be around you.

- I can't be around you.

f*ck you!

- "All The Girls Get Together and Rule" by Costanza -

I don't think you should drive.

No, no, no.

I'm just gonna call a cab.

Oh sh*t!

I don't think you should drive.

No, I'm not driving.

I"m not driving!

- No, no, you could sleep on the sofa.

- I was calling a cab.

- No, no.

I'm calling a cab.

- Yes, yes.

Let's go.

Let's go.

No, Jodi you're crazy.

I'm gonna call a cab.

I promise you, Jodi, I was calling a cab.

No, no, I'm not gonna stay here.

- I'm gonna go.

- Let me get you some water first.

Water, water.

- Sit down, sit down.

- I can't stay here.

- Did you know I used to live here?

- Wait, okay?

Jesus!

That party was like the ninth circle of f*cking hell.

So, that woman ever let you go?

Look, I had a great time.

Tina got really drunk.

- "White Laughter" by The Heart Throbs -

I couldn't let her drive.

I'm gonna get her a pillow.