1x05 - Sid

[bunniefuu]

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

(Man shouts) Sid!

Yeah, sorry. It's just there was a...

Now, this is exactly what I'm talking about, Sid.

OK? Lack of concentration, inability to focus, nada commitment.

Now, this piece of coursework I have marked "ungraded".

Ungraded? What?

I can't pass him with this mark.

f*cking hell!

Mark...

Mark, please. With this mark...

Not you, Mark, this mark.

...you have failed the entire year.

He's what?

He's failed the entire year.

Sod, you... sidding... idiot!

Ah, hold on, there's no need to panic. Because I fought for you, Sid, I really did, and got you an extension.

It was hard, but I worked at it, and I got it.

Right?

Got what right?

No, I got it. Right?

Thanks... Tom.

So... 2,000 words on Lech Walesa, Solidarity and the collapse of Soviet power.

Jesus Christ!

You've got two days. Get your head down.

You better f*cking believe he's getting his head down.

You can say goodbye to sunshine, Sunshine. You are grounded.

Put it this way. Let's change and develop. OK?

Thanks, Tom. We're all very grateful for this second chance. Aren't we, Mark?

Yes. Thank you very much.

Oh, yes, my boy! We're going to do this my way now!

You hear me? The gravy train has terminated!

Terminated! You lazy little fucker.

Mark!

Did Tony fail this?

No.

No, of course not! And why? Why didn't he fail it?

He doesn't do history.

Right!

You are going to get something... something right, if it's the last thing I ever do. What's your next class?

Drama...

Right. Drama. Home. Coursework.

f*cking perfection! Or else.

Honestly, Sid, you know this upsets people.

Sorry.

Just... give it a try, OK?

OK.

(Woman) OK, everyone. Everyone reach.

(Sid) Oh, Christ...

(Woman) Reach up. Stretch out your leaves.

(Maxxie) That looks so crap, doesn't it?

Go on.

f*ck that.

Why don't you go to the green and get stoned instead?

No. No, you mustn't.

That would be bad. Bad, do you hear?

And you're a good boy really. Good. Drama. f*ck it... be bad!

Be good. Drama!

f*ck it!

Drama...

Shut up... will you?

Pretty nice gear, huh?

Yeah, very funny.

Where you going?

I gotta go to this lesson.

f*ck it, man.

f*ck it?

f*ck it.

Yeah, let's go.

(Woman) Right, Donny, you fart once more and you're out.

Sid?

Hi. Wow, Maxxie, you look all horny.

You can tell?

Sid... I just wanted to remind you of our date tonight.

Oh... sh*t.

Thing is, Cass, my dad kinda grounded me.

I gotta do coursework.

Oh, wow.

I was really...

I didn't eat for three days so I could be lovely.

Er, sorry.

Maybe I'll come over and say hello.

I dunno. Maybe.

Safe.

Wow.

(Maxxie) Go on, give her one.

That would be so bad!

(Anwar) I bet she bangs like a ferret on acid!

CHURCH BELLS CHIME Hey.

Hey.

I didn't know which one to get. They were both so pretty.

Anyway, I got them both.

What do you think? Which skirt? This goes with my slutty green top.

This one is more virgin.

Yeah?

Tony? Which skirt?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah, it's nice.

Are you listening? I'm asking what to wear to Tribe Of Frog tomorrow?

Did you ask Chris about pills?

We can have Mitsubishis.

Is that OK, Tone?

Tone?

Wear that one to Tribe Of Frog, and that one to my choir concert.

Choir concert? When?

Tonight.

You and Sid are coming to hear me sing.

Are we? How come?

It just occurred to me how much fun it could be.

Russia... was... a... Superpower...

...and...

Er... Lech Walesa... was a...

...Polish... Er...

...man... who...

What the f*ck did he do? Erm...

Bollocks.

SQUEAKING CAR APPROACHES f*ck it.

CLATTERING Right, you have been warned!

Oh, yes, I warned you! This is what happens.

No telly.

No stereo.

No... Asian Fanny Fun.

That should be enough to help you concentrate. Is it?!

Yes, Dad.

Yes. Thank you.

You'll thank me for this one day.

Oh! Oh, f*ck!

CLATTERING

Ow!

(Woman) What's happened?

I've fallen down the f*cking stairs, you silly cow!

Bugger.

HE SIGHS Ah, for f*ck's sake.

Ah, yeah. That's better.

Oh, yeah. Ah, yeah.

I'm just gonna go out and come back in again. OK?

Would you?

(Oh, f*ck!)

KNOCK AT DOOR Hello.

It's Tony!

Yeah, er, come in!

All right, Sid? Thought you might need a hand.

With your coursework. Shall we let some air in here?

Yeah.

That's better. Is that a picture of my girlfriend?

Wondered where that went.

Right then.

Russia... Lech Walesa...

Jesus, Sid.

The USSR model could be described as a relationship of control and manipulation, but events in the G...

Gdansk.

...shipyard in the autumn of 1980 was the beginning of a...

That's some really good bullshit.

Not a problem. OK, let's go.

Where to?

My choir concert.

Don't tell me you forgot.

I can't. I'm grounded.

Don't be such a f*cking vag*na. This is gonna be special.

Anyway, I need someone to keep Michelle company.

Michelle's coming?

Oh, yes. Nips'll be there.

And you'll wanna see this. Trust me.

Sorry about that. You won't tell her, will you?

She thinks the world of you, Sid. Really.

And things run their course. You get bored.

Are you gonna tell me what you're talking about?

You'd better be doing some f*cking work. Hi, Tony. How's things?

Not bad, Mark. Is that landfill survey finished? I'd really love to see it sometime.

Yeah, no problem. Yeah.

Actually, it's quite an interesting analysis of decomposition rates.

But look, actually, er, Sid's got some work to do now, so...

OK. Hope to see you very soon, Sid.

Nice to see you, Mark.

Bye, Liz!

Bye, Tony!

What?

Why could you not be like...

Why did I?

Ow!

MUSIC: Date With The Night by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I got a date with the night Pullin' out my finger Gonna catch the kids dry Gonna walk on water Buying out the fight We're sweatin' in the winter Both thighs squeeze tight Both thighs squeeze tight Ohl

FANFARE

'Mega Dog to the rescue! att*ck, att*ck! Woof-woof! '

(Mark) I'm not being aggressive...

(Liz) Yes, you are.

(Mark) You're the aggressive one.

Look at you, the Virgin Mary with your f*cking little looks and sneers.

But that's you. Never saying anything.

Leaving it to me to deal with Captain f*cking Calamity up there.

Never backing me up.

(Liz) That's not true.

(Mark) The boy's useless, completely f*cking useless.

I sometimes wonder if he's even mine.

(Liz) Oh, he's yours all right, Mark.

'Mega Dog's trying to tell us something!

'Woof, woof, woof! Woof, woof! '

Hi, Sid. We're just talking.

Right. Talking, yeah.

Get on with your coursework. We need to do some more... talking.

You see what you've done now?

What I've done?

Yes, what you've done.

You stupid, stupid man.

What do you mean, stupid? Don't call me stupid.

I am not a stupid man. If you would listen for a second to what's...

What are you doing here, anyway?

Well, I heard "choirgirls" so I came.

Shall we?

I said if they can't f*cking educate her, then I'll take my business elsewhere.

Four f*cking grand a term and the girl gets three GCSEs?

That's the return on my investment?

Where's my margin? What do they think we are?

f*cking stupid or something...

APPLAUSE MUSIC: God Only Knows

Na-na-na-na na-na...

Where's Tony?

I don't know. f*ck! We'd better be at the right concert.

No, it's definitely here.

You never need to doubt it I'll make you so sure about it God only knows what I'd be without you...

Beach Boys, man. f*cking top!

I don't understand this. Where is he?

Hold on.

Ah, ah, ah, ah Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ooh-ooh...

No, no, no, look, there he is.

'Mega Dog to the rescuel 'att*ck, attackl Woof-woofl'

I may not always love you But as long as there are stars above you You'll never need to doubt it I'll make you so sure about it God only knows what I'd be without you If you should ever leave me Though life would still go on, believe me The world could show nothing to me So what good would living do me?

God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows what I'd be without you God only knows God only knows what I'd be without you Waa-ohhh.

APPLAUSE

Play, David, play Play, David, play David, play on your harp Hallelu, Hallelujah David, play on your harp Hallelu...

(Sid) Hi. I just wanted to...

God! I'm sorry, OK! I'm sorry.

GIRLS SCREAM

And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever...

What the f*ck?

Um. Excuse me?

Hi. Just checking Abi's diaphragm contractions.

What the hell is going on?

The simple act of performance, sweetie. What did you think?

Bullshit, Tony. You f*cking sick...

God, you're such a w*nk*r.

Here...

f*ck you.

Fluffy teddy-bear?

That's my lucky teddy!

And you can f*ck off, too!

Well... Michelle. I'm just wondering why you're overreacting like this.

Overreacting?!

Right in my face, you whore!

You know, typically, episodes of paranoia might be symptomatic of a wide range of emotional and mental issues.

Maybe, you know, you need some help with the outbursts.

My mother's a psychologist, she could...

Oh!

Ow! I'll k*ll you, you f*cking flat-chested cocksucking spastic horse-fucker!

Woah, good swearing.

Bye, Tony.

Later, Nips.

Abi, wonder if you could give me and Sid a minute.

Yes... I need my medication.

See, told you it'd be worth coming for.

Looks like me and 'Chelle are on a break.

You did that on purpose?

- Go after her.

What?

Life throws up so few opportunities...

But she's your girlfriend.

Who you love.

What?

Change. It's a wonderful thing.

Look, you know how subatomic particles don't obey physical laws?

They act according to chance, chaos, coincidence...

They run into each other in the middle of the universe, and, bang! Energy.

We're the same as that.

That's the great thing about the universe. Unpredictable.

That's why it's so much fun.

I'm... just gonna go see if she's OK, all right?

Sid. Bang!

Michelle would never... never f*ck a horse.

OK, so this line here means you're gonna live till you're at least 80, and this line here, that means you should be careful around electricity pylons and crocodiles...

Cwocodiles?!

That's right.

All right, daarlin'! 'Ad a bad night?

Piss off.

What's your problem? You giving us cheek?

No.

She so is.

Hey, Ems, this girl is being rude to Char and Shall...

She's giving us cheek.

Yeah?

f*ck off out of my way.

You givin' them cheek?

Cheek...

She so is.

No.

D'ya wanna fight?

No.

Are you givin' me cheek?

What does that even mean?

Hi, Michelle, um, hello, ladies. Shall we... just let it go, yeah?

Whatever.

Fat bitch.

You f*cking what?

Get off her!

Leave her alone.

Get off.

Have some of that.

Get off her.

Just get off!

Come on, get off her!

Are you OK?

Yes. I'm f*cking fantastic(!)

Can I? Shall I?

You knew... You f*cking knew about her!

No, I didn't!

How could you f*cking not know, you arsehole?

You and your f*cking bum chum!

No, I really didn't!

f*ck off!

You gave me cheek.

Sorry...

Sorry don't work. You gave her cheek.

Did I?

I'm pretty sure I didn't.

My mate... she gave you cheek.

You give us cheek, too.

You so did.

Is there any possible way I could avoid a kicking?

You could try talking your way out of it.

Um, er... OK. Er...

'Mega Dog to the rescue! '

Em! Come on. Happy hour down 'Firkin!

Mate? Do you mind?

SIREN BLARES Where the f*ck have you been!!?

Dad, I just nipped to the shops.

For three hours?

I got lost.

My God, Sid, what happened? You're all...

No, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

What's that smell?

Er... Piss.

Yours?

Someone else's.

Right.

You were grounded. You snooked... snook out.

Snuck out.

You snuck out. You even did a half-arsed job of that.

It might be better to do this in the morning.

Did you think we wouldn't know?

Did you actually think that we wouldn't know?!

Dad, you're such a...

Such a what? Such a... Such a what?

Such a f*cking what? Such a f*cking what?!

Dildo.

Oh, f*ck the pair of you.

CRASHING Bed.

Cassie...

What's that smell?

Just piss. What are you doing here, Cass?

You invited me round.

Did I?

I've been waiting. Where were you?

I was out.

Who with?

Michelle.

Michelle?

Wow.

Listen, Cass, I've had a bit of a bad night.

Michelle's so lovely.

Michelle, my girl I love her, I love her, I love herl

So hey, wow! f*ck you, Sid!

Cassie, shh! My parents...

f*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you!

I'm going home.

No, Cassie...

Let go... Let go of me!

It's your choice, Sid.

Everything is your choice.

Wake up, Sid.

DOOR SLAMS Bollocks.

Oh.

Hi, Mum.

How's the face?

Sore.

Ahh...

Get in. I'll take you.

Cheers.

'OK!

'Now we're gonna ring up Lee and we're gonna tell 'im 'that the Government is comin' round to take 'is babbies away!

'Hello, Lee! '

Mum. Last night...

We were just worried, that's all.

Do you ever feel you know someone, think you've seen everything they're gonna do, and then they Tr*mp it?

Dad's having a hard time...

I'm not talking about Dad.

Oh?

It's Tony.

Oh. Tony's lovely.

Thanks, Mum.

Sid, hang on. Close the door.

You know we both really love you. Don't you, Sid?

I suppose.

I want you to make more of an effort with your dad in general.

He's a good guy.

He doesn't act like one.

Not recently, no.

But things change, Sid.

What do you mean?

You...

You need to work out a way of getting on with him.

It's hard, I know.

OK?

I'll try.

Good.

I'm...

Mum?

Yes.

Anyway, have these... For your eye.

Oh, have this, too.

You eat too much crap.

Yeah. I know.

Thanks, Mum.

See you later.

Yeah.

See you.

Sid?

Yeah?

Nothing.

Oh, man, what a g*dd*mn mess Nobody said this was fancy dress You're lookin' good Your hair Where I'm from you'd be as good as dead Come on Get up, get up Get on, get off all night...

(Tom) Sid?

Sid!

Sunglasses off, please.

OK, everybody, well done.

You've all passed!

Everyone except you, Sid.

Cor, mate! What happened.

Nothing. I'm fine, OK?

You've been fighting, Sid.

That's not "Changing And Developing". Is it?

24 hours left, OK?

You've either got it or you don't...

You haven't got it. OK?

All right, Tom. Sorry I'm late.

Yo! Last night, man. Cool. Total blast.

Everything you could want from an evening.

Songs, choirgirls, colourful costumes, fellatio... Rabbits...

Rabbits?

Look, don't ask, man. Yeah, so, Sid...

Woah! Was that Michelle?

No, er, there were these girls...

What kind of girls, Sid?

Big ones.

I thought you was hanging out with Cassie.

Er... Bit of a mix up.

Yeah? Like what?

She was really looking forward to that.

OK, everyone!

Because you've all given it everything, you can go early.

But use the time wisely, OK?

Woah, woah, woah, sailor!

Not so fast. A little you-me time, yeah?

Sooo...

Coursework?

Ready for tomorrow?

Yeah, I'm, like, halfway through.

Sid, there are people here you can talk to.

I am here for you.

We can sort this out.

I'm all ears. Come on.

What? We can sort out the fact that my best mate wants me to make a move on his girlfriend, who I love, even though she still loves him and now actually hates me?

My Dad thinks I'm a complete f*ck-up, and can't stop acting like a f*ck-up and no matter what I try, I can't stop pissing everyone off?

We can sort that out, can we?

OK. OK, yeah.

Give me a moment to, um...

Life, Sid.

There are lots of ups and downs, OK?

It is like a...

It's like a... bird, flying.

Find your wings, Sid.

Right.

And do your f*cking coursework. Otherwise you're f*cked.

Yeah. Thanks, Tom. That sorts it.

Pas de probleme, Sidney. So see you tomorrow.

Don't leave me hanging, G.

Safe!

Hey. All go according to plan?

No.

Ho! That girl can really swing.

No.

Your mistake, my friend, was making your move too quickly.

What?

Yes, grasshopper. Sensei say that boy must wait 12 hours before he approach girl on rebound.

This is f*cked up, Tone!

Isn't it?

- Don't you want her?

I told you. It's a gift.

You f*cking freak me out sometimes.

But it's never dull. Is it?

No.

Ring her. Take her for a drink, and see what happens.

What's the worst that can happen? It's your choice, dude. Your choice.

Ah, f*ck.

'Hello? '

Hi, Michelle. It's Sid.

'f*ck off. I don't want to speak to you.'

'Chelle...

'You heard me! '

I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.

'Wankers! '

Yeah, I know, and I wanna see you so I can...

'What? '

Please. I wanna make it up to you.

'f*ck off.'

Can I talk to you?

'Talk about what? I don't want to.'

Yes, I know, and I want...

'I can't take your sh*t, you and Tony. You wanna talk? '

Yeah, yeah. Please, Michelle.

'I don't want to talk. I'm tired. You both f*cked me over.'

Meet me at Ronny's Bar, I'll explain.

'Explain, yeah... '

Please, 'Chelle, I wanna see you.

Hi.

Hi.

Thanks for coming.

That's OK.

Why weren't you at, um, college today?

Snap!

Some right hook, that girl.

Yeah.

Believe me, 'Chelle. I didn't know he was pulling a stunt. I promise.

I promise.

What was that for?

For forgetting that you and Tony are different people.

Is that easy to do?

Well, you come as a package, but you're... sweeter.

Nice.

Ah, sh*t.

I'm one of the nice boys.

Fantastic(!)

MUSIC PLAYS I like this one.

I love you.

Huh?

Nothing.

Let's dance.

What?

Dance with me. Come on.

Come on.

Michelle, I've been a bit silly, haven't I?

MOBILE KEYPAD BEEPS

(Woman) 'Hello! '

Cassie? Hello, I've got your...

'Hello? '

Who is that?

'What's that noise? Hello? '

Hello? Hello?!

Is Cassie there?

Sid?

Oh, God!

Oh, Christ, she's done something!

'What? '

Why?

You've really got no idea? For f*ck's sake, Sid!

'Jal, wait? Where are you going? '

Where do you think I'm going?

sh*t!

MONITOR BEEPS Is she all right?

She will be.

What have they done to her?

Pumped her stomach.

What?!

Why have you chose to start caring about her now?

It's a bit f*cking late. You're the last person she needs right now.

Why? Why is this my fault?

All you had to do was go on that f*cking date. That's it.

But...

You need to be relatives. Are you family?

No.

Yes, I'm her sister.

Right. Is he your brother?

No. He's not.

Hi, Sid.

Dad, what's going on?

Dad?

Er, your mum's... gone.

Gone? What do you mean, "gone"?

She packed a bag and went to Auntie Rosie's.

Something she "has to do".

She can't live here any more.

She can't talk to me any more...

Hang on. Have you split up?

Oh, God, no, no.

So she's just not living here or talking to you any more?

Yeah.

Right.

She said to tell you "sorry".

Why is she sorry? Isn't her fault, is it?

Relationships are complicated... and sometimes, you know...

You shouldn't blame yourself.

I don't blame myself. I blame you.

I know, and, you know, you have...

Shut up! Why did you let her go?!

Sid... I can't...

Because you're f*cking useless, you sodding idiot!

You stupid bastard. You f*cking stupid bastard!

That's my f*cking mum! And she's f*cking gone!

Sid, I'm so sorry...

It's a bit late for that.

You've got to ring her.

It won't do any good.

Ring her! Or... Or...

You're f*cking grounded until you get her back!

Huh?

You f*cking heard me!

Say goodbye to sunshine, Sunshine!

Sid...

I've got things to do!

Put it behind you The hurt is gone Forget everything...

Can I come in?

...That you've done Time's movin' on Time's movin' on...

It'll be OK.

MOBILE RING TONE: Singing In The Rain HE SIGHS

(Tony) 'Hey, Sid. Where'd you get to?

'Sid, hello?

'I know you're f*cking there, mate.

'Come on, it was just a laugh.

'Don't be a f*cking p*ssy.

'Sid, come on. Sid! '

BIRDS TWEET