02x15 - Dark Horse

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Heartland"...

Mom, you remember Caleb.

Oh, of course.

He's the only guy that really gets me.

Getting what he wants is probably closer to the truth.

Tim's been milking this b*llet wound like a dairy farmer with 10 hands.

Do we have cheddar cheese? Just if we do.

Can't tell anyone you're staying here, okay?

Are you worried you're gonna sully my reputation?

I'm worried you're gonna sully mine.

There's obviously nothing between us, so there's nothing to explain.

I have to have some tests done.

My doctor is probably just being overly cautious.

You, Ty Borden.

No matter what I do, I always end up with more questions.

You know those things you said last night about your stepdad?

Why didn't you ever tell me?

I never told anyone that stuff before.

Jack!

Hey!

Sure didn't take you long to take me up on my offer.

Man gives you a gift of free hay, you jump on it.

Free? Who said anything about free?

You did. Your message.

And I quote, "Jack, you want some hay?"

Yeah. I got 200 tons of hay and two longhorns to eat it.

You know what?

I don't want to ruin our relationship over 100-buck hay.

75, or I'm dumping it back.

75? That is a gift.

What the heck?

Oh, this is wonderful, dear.

Sugarfoot loves your muffins.

And your timing is perfect because I couldn't find my reading glasses.

Special delivery.

Did I win the sweepstakes?

Not exactly.

It's about Sugarfoot. From Hudson County.

Hudson Derby?

No, not the derby, Mrs. Bell. They haven't run that in years.

Not since the last time.

Your father and your grandfather almost k*lled each other.

Now, what's this about Sugarfoot?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't I make a few calls, take care of this for you?

So, apparently you need at least one hectare in order to keep livestock on your property, according to this bylaw.

Bylaws.

And the upshot is they are threatening to impound Sugarfoot.

Unless what?

There is no unless.

And as far as Mrs. Bell was concerned, we're having a nice conversation about the Hudson Derby.

The Hudson Derby? Now, that takes me back.

Well, I finally found my damn checkbook.

I figure the prospect of buying hay from you must have clouded my memory.

Hey, speaking of memories, Jack, I bet you remember the Hudson Derby.

What's that got to do with anything?

Last time I ever heard anyone saying, "I'm number two!

I'm number two!"

Nice one, Dad.

Hey, check it out.

He's a real looker, hey.

Yeah. Where'd you get him from?

From me. His name's Money.

Oh, you gave Ty a horse? That's a pretty special present.

Not really, actually.

Ty said you guys could re-home him.

He did, did he?

I know. I know, I know. But I'm kind of desperate.

My uncle just dumped him on me.

I put an ad on the Net about a month ago with a picture.

And you know what? So far, nada.

Yeah. Maybe a picture was a bad idea.

Isn't he the fugliest horse you've ever seen?

But he's got a great personality.

I just thought that we're all set up for re-homing, so...

Yeah. No, it's awesome. It can be like your special project.

Yeah.

You know, I think you're losing it.

Honestly. Your memory's sh*t.

I won that race fair and square.

No. You took a shortcut. You should have been disqualified.

Wrong side of a couple of trees. You call that a shortcut?

You went off course. I know it. You know it.

The only person that missed it was the damn spotter.

He was standing right there.

If there was something to spot, he would have spotted it.

Except he was so drunk he couldn't see a foot in front of his face 'cause you bought him the whiskey.

You can have the hay.

I don't want your damn hay.

I don't want your damn money.

I don't want to hear any more about you winning that damn race!

Don't worry. I'll never mention it again.

Fine!

Even though you know I won that race by three lengths.

Because you cheated!

♪ And at the break of day ♪
♪ You sank into your dream ♪
♪ You dreamer ♪
♪ You dreamer ♪
♪ You dreamer ♪

See, this bylaw, it refers to the keeping of livestock.

Sugarfoot is definitely not livestock.

Some people think of their horses as pets.

But as far as Hudson County is concerned, they're in the same category as cows, chickens, and goats.

Okay. Sugarfoot is more like a companion, really.

I mean, he's a lifesaver.

When Mrs. Bell had a heart att*ck, he did everything but call 911.

So, this horse is a guide animal?

Yes. Exactly. Like a therapy horse.

Mrs. Bell is visually impaired?

Well, yes. There is impairment.

Definitely.

Of course. We make provisions for these situations.

Great.

So, then you can just tear up that letter and make an exception.

Oh, Hudson County doesn't tear up letters or make exceptions based on hearsay evidence.

If Mrs. Bell qualifies for the use of an assistance animal, that will be taken into consideration.

Until then, the bylaw takes precedence.

What the heck are you doing?

Still got that rope of yours?

Yes.

And a horse you can rope off of?

You know I do.

Well, better start practicing.

Foothills rodeo is this weekend, and I don't want you to suck.

I need the points.

Am I missing something here?

Well, if I do good in broncs and tie-down roping, got enough points to get my pro rodeo card.

But I could do with a third event, just as insurance.

What, like team roping?

Okay.

Yes! Yes!

I knew you couldn't resist. This baby is a definite chick magnet.

That's what it is.

So, anyway, I'm sure once she meets Sugarfoot, her bureaucratic heart will melt and you know, everything will be fine.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Hey, Lou!

I've got three loads, but don't worry.

This time I brought my own detergent.

Is that sour-cream coffee cake?

Help yourself, Ashley.

In between loads, do you think I could take Apollo out?

Come on, Ashley. You know you don't have to ask.

I told you I'd sell him back to you for next to nothing.

I live in a trailer.

A laundromat is way outside my budget.

So, how do you think I can afford to take care of a horse?

I mean, do you have any idea how much a bale of hay costs?

As a matter of fact, I do.

You can brush him all you want.

He's not gonna get any better looking.

So your uncle give you any history on this guy?

Just that Money used to be a chuck-wagon horse.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, I think I'm gonna get Scott to vet him.

See how old he is. Make sure he's in good shape.

I knew you were the right man for the job.

You know, I'm really glad that you're coming this weekend.

For sure it will cut a couple of seconds off my time having you there cheering for me.

And we don't have to go with Caleb and Amy.

We could take your truck.

Amy's coming?

Yeah. She's gonna be Caleb's header.

Oh. She never told me.

What, you guys tell each other everything?

Well, no. Obviously not.

Well, don't you dare tell her how much I like kissing you.

I don't see any sign of a horse.

No pen. No shelter.

Like I said, he's more like a companion.

Come back here! You little rascal!

He hates baths.

The second I start to fill up the tub, he's out of there.

I thought you said she was visually impaired.

It comes and goes.

But she is almost completely 100% deaf.

Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it, Lou?

She must be having a good day.

Or a bad one.

Not only is she keeping livestock in contravention of the bylaw, but she's keeping it in her domicile, which raises red flags all over the place.

Red flags?

I'm afraid I have no choice but to report Mrs. Bell to Social Services.

What? What does that mean?

It means Mrs. Bell might be better off in an assisted-living facility.

An old-age home?

That is not gonna happen, okay?

And you know, as for your stupid bylaw...

She will have 30 days to file an appeal.

But I warn you.

That can be a very expensive and time-consuming process.

You will be hearing from my lawyer.

Our lawyer.

Definitely a lawyer.

This was an all-out endurance race across some pretty tough terrain.

Grandpa, you really need to let this go.

I put this behind me years ago.

It's just that Ty needs to know how it really happened before your father starts rewriting history.

Now, my strategy was to get in the lead...

And stay in the lead.

We come up on Plummers Road. About here.

And your father was here.

And Scott was right behind him.

Scott? Scott was in the race?

He's the mustard.

Obviously.

Sure.

It was his first time out.

But he was a contender 'cause he could ride.

When I got to Three Point Creek, I looked behind me.

Tim was gone.

And when I broke out of the trees...

...he's ahead of me.

He never passed me.

Just magically appeared in front of me.

But, Grandpa, how could that possibly happen?

Yeah, Grandpa. How?

He cut corners. That's how.

Went off course somewhere in the woods.

Yeah.

Why wasn't he disqualified, then?

"Teflon" Tim?

That man is so slick that nothing ever sticks to him.

Okay, so how much money was at stake in this derby?

It wasn't about money. It was a charity race.

The real action? Real action was under the table.

Really? How much did you raise?

Well, over the years, pretty well enough to build a whole new trauma wing on the Hudson County Hospital.

That's a good thing, too.
'Cause that damn race...

That's the reason Stumpy got the name Stumpy.

Had no idea that crazy race was all about doing good.

If you call a knock-down, drag-'em-out, no-holds-barred grudge match doing good, then I guess it was.

Oh, my God!

Mrs. Stanton.

Would Ashley be in?

I'm pretty sure I'd know if she was.

It's not like someone could hide out in there.

Well, I guess this would be my chance to talk to the young man my daughter is shacked up with.

It's not like that.

Mmm.

Like you said, not much room for privacy in there.

Would you like to come in? Coffee? Beer?

Thank you, but no.

Don't tell me you're a bull rider.

Oh, no. Not planning on dying young, so...

I'm sticking to broncs.

Ah.

Yeah. A couple more wins, and I'm turning pro.

You must be pretty good at it, then, huh?

Yeah. That and roping.

My only problem is I got to hook up with some sponsors if I want to follow the circuit south come winter.

Sounds like you've got your future all worked out.

Yes, I do.

And to think I was worried that my daughter was involved with someone whose aspirations didn't go beyond working as a ranch hand living in a rented trailer.

No, Ma'am. I saw that movie, and I don't like how it ends.

Okay. Well, I guess I better be going.

Tell my daughter to call me, okay?

I haven't talked to her in days.

Don't worry about Ashley, Ma'am.

I'm taking real good care of her.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick! Turn on the TV!

Where's the fire, Lou?

Quick. Come on. Come on.

That"s right, Shelley.

Oh, my God! Lou, it's you!

Many seniors in our community are denied the right to keep companion animals in their homes.

So we're raising money for a legal defense fund by resurrecting a Hudson tradition... the Hudson Charity Derby.

And viewers can get more information by calling the information hotline right here.

Good luck with your efforts. And I really hope the event...

[Phone rings]

See? The phones are already ringing off the hook!

Hudson Charity Derby information hotline.

Yes, this is Lou Fleming.

What am I wearing? Excuse me?

Oh!

Well, Lou.

Seeing as the last time the title was stolen from me, allow me to be the first one to sign up.

Come on, Grandpa.

Do you really want to go through all that again?

Damn right I do.

Okay. Okay.

Just fill out this form and give me a check for the entry fee.

That's a little steep.

You know, Grandpa, you don't have to race.

You could make a donation.

You could be a judge.

That would be a great help.

What is this?

Oh, I ran into Dad on the way back from the interview.

And I guess you could say he b*at you to it.

Is that right?

Well, that'll be the last time Tim Fleming beats me at anything.

Oh, my.

So, what are you saying, Dad? You and Grandpa, rematch?

That's exactly what I want to talk to you about.

I've been doing pretty well lately, but...

My shoulder still stings a bit.

Yeah. Maybe it's trying to tell you something.

Like you should have never entered that race.

Well, maybe. But I can't back out now.

Your grandpa's already entered.

Lou almost had me talked out of it.

My knees do get a bit stiff this time of year.

But then I see Tim's name right at the top of the entry list.

It's not too late to back out, Jack.

Back out? The entry fee's nonrefundable.

Besides, this old firebrand right here...

He might not be as young as he used to be, but he's still got a burning desire to win.

I figure I got a winning horse.

But I haven't been able to get him up to more than a walk lately because...

The darn b*llet wound.

Yeah.

So, I was kind of hoping that you'd leg him up, get him in racing shape.

Because I know that I have one good ride in me.

I just don't want to blow it before the race.

My strategy is to take it easy, take it slow.

I don't want to wear this guy out before race day.

So, you're saying that this horse might be too old for the su1c1de race, but you're not?

I don't win this race, Tim will never let me live it down.

Come on, Jack. The derby was what, 10, 12 years ago?

No. It goes back a lot further than that.

Tim Fleming's been keeping score ever since the Claresholm rodeo.

He b*at me on a technicality.

And he's been dining out on it ever since.

Claresholm rodeo.

Your grandpa got a 10-second penalty for breaking a barrier.

Somehow he figured that was my fault.

He hasn't had a kind word to say about me from that day forward.

I'm riding in that derby whether you help me or not.

Even if it kills you?

Whose side are you on?

Yours.

Just don't let your grandpa find out.

Sure you don't want a leg up, Jack?

No, I don't want a leg up.

Okay, maybe just this once.

But if you tell Tim...

You know, Jack, I really admire you.

I just hope when I'm your age, I'm half as stupid as you are.

I'm glad you didn't bring any more county officials to my house, Lou.

I swear, if I had for one second thought that it would turn out the way it did...

But don't worry. I'm taking care of everything.

Please, dear. You don't have to do that.

And I know how to raise money for you.

We're going to run the Hudson Derby.

They canceled that race years ago.

I know, Mrs. Bell. That's what I'm saying.

We're doing it again.

And I want you to drop the flag on derby day.

Fine.

But don't tell your father or your grandfather about that race, or it'll be history repeating itself all over again.

You okay, Jack? Been gone a long time.

Yeah, I'm okay.

It's the horse that needed a break.

You want to take my truck? I'll walk him back.

I still got a fire in my belly.

But to tell you the truth, my feet are freezing.

As for that old guy, well...

I think the fire's gone out.

You know, your mom came by.

My mom? What did she want?

I don't know. I think she just wanted to talk to me.

You know, she seemed pretty decent.

Weird.

Yeah, ever since she's had these tests, she's making it really hard for me to keep hating her.

You're not thinking about moving back home, are you?

What?

And trade all this in for indoor plumbing, central heating, and satellite TV?

Look, just because I don't hate her doesn't mean I want to live with her.

Well, good.

'Cause your coffee's getting a lot better.

Kind of like not having to make it on my own.

Do you have a minute?

Uh-huh.

Just there's a couple of things that I...

I kind of don't know what to do about.

Yes.

And while you're talking to me, you can fold these.

I am serious, Lou.

Just...

Caleb, he wants me to go to the rodeo with him this weekend.

But I've got this report on soil erosion due.

And, you know, I don't think I could spend four hours in a truck with Ty and Kit.

I mean, all that hugging and smiling and those cute little jokes.

It makes me sick.

And on top of it all, Dad asked me to work his horse for him.

I said yes, but I don't think he should even be in the race.

Lou, you're not even paying attention to me.

Ditch Caleb. Help Dad. Do your homework.

And don't make yourself miserable hanging out with Ty and Kit.

You can tell it makes me miserable?

Oh, my God. Do you think they know it makes me miserable?

When you're finished folding those, you can put them in these envelopes.

Easy, boy.

See this?

Yeah?

He's got to be about 15, 16 years old.

And he's got a tattoo.

What does that mean?

Means he's a thoroughbred, and he was on the track.

He's a racehorse?

Well, he raced at least once.

But don't get your hopes up. Doesn't mean he was any good at it.

A lot of horses only have one race in them.

Hey, Jack was said you were in the derby last year they ran it.

Said you were a real contender.

I was barely 18, you know? Didn't know what fear was.

All I was thinking about was winning the race so that Lou would realize that I wasn't just one of her mom's projects.

So, what are you thinking now?

Well, I'm thinking that you should check this horse's racing stats before you get Jack's hopes up.

How do you know this is about Jack?

Well, I was a couple of lengths behind Tim when he crossed that finish line first.

I've been reliving that moment ever since then.

I only came in third.

Think these are yours.

I found them in the dryer.

You know, stuck.

Thanks.

Hey, um... I can't... I can't go with you this weekend to the rodeo.

I'm sure you'll still do good.

Probably even better without me 'cause I haven't had a chance to practice.

Well, there's still a few more days.

I know. I just can't, okay?

It's my dad.

I promised my dad I'd help him with something.

Yeah, well, what about me? You promised you'd rope with me.

I already signed you up.

I'm sorry.

I don't believe this. I was counting on you.

At least you got your boxers back.

Whoa.

His real name is You're So Money.

He raced 12 times, and he won three of them.

I think his racing days are long over.

The same could be said for you, Jack.

Okay, Money. Let's see what you got.

[Horse neighs]

Holy crap!

I told you, Jack!

Boy, I've ridden some good horses in my day, fast horses, but this guy!

I thought I had him in overdrive.

He still had a couple of gears left.

So, we got ourselves a winner, then?

Well, we've got some natural talent, that's for sure.

But it's got to be molded.

All right.

Wait. What does that mean?

That means that we lope. We breeze. We run him.

We do some hills. We practice starts.

And we feed him exactly right so he peaks on race day.

But I'm gonna need your help on this.

You count me in.

Yes, sir.

This guy is our secret w*apon.

Emphasis on the "secret."

And what are you two so happy about?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing.

Wait a minute.

Isn't that your...?

You are training your dad's horse.

Well, I just...

At least now I know whose side of the fence you're on.

Grandpa!

Not that I care.

Believe me, Tim Fleming needs all the help he can get.

If I was conditioning a horse for an endurance race, I'd buy this.

Front Runner. I like the sound of that.

And you'll need these, too.

Right.

Now for ourselves. I was thinking pie and coffee.

Apple pie.

Hey, there, stranger.

Hi, Scott.

Saw your truck outside.

Hey.

Yeah.

I was actually meaning to call you.

You see, the thing is something came up, and I can't go with you to the rodeo this weekend.

Oh, no. I hope it's nothing serious.

No, actually. Well, maybe. But...

I just made a promise.

Yeah, to me.

Yeah. But I also made a promise to Jack.

It's about his horse.

Why doesn't Amy take care of it?

I don't know. I think she's going to the rodeo.

That's funny, 'cause Caleb just told me that she's not going either.

That's the first I've heard.

Why don't I believe you?

Come on, Kit.

Is there still something going on with you two?

This isn't about Amy. It's about Jack.

But, hey, I know you'll do great at the rodeo.

Yeah, thanks.

Ah.

Feeding him the good stuff, I see.

Yeah, nothing but the best.

You mind saving some of that for my dad's horse?

Oh.

Sorry.

It's like you said. This guy's my special project.

Well, that's just too bad.

'Cause soon as you leave for that rodeo this weekend, that bag's mine.

Maybe I'm not going to the rodeo.

Yeah, maybe I'm not either.

Wait. You're not going?

No. Now Kit's kind of mad at me, so...

Yeah. Me and Caleb, same thing.

So, how come you're not going?

No reason. How about you?

No reason.

You're so full of it.

And you aren't?

Okay. So we both know we're backing different horses.

But let's not get sucked into that whole competitive thing, right?

Yeah. Salt versus pepper.

You could say that.

I won.

What do you mean? We weren't even racing.

Oh, maybe you weren't.

You mean you were?

Because if you were, I wasn't even trying.

I wasn't trying either. But I still won, didn't I?

So, you sure you don't want to come?

There's plenty of room in the truck.

Because Amy bailed out on you?

Now, there's an invitation I can refuse.

Come on, Ash.

Next time. And I promise I'll ask you first.

I don't get you. Are you really that oblivious?

Oblivious to what?

Well, Amy bails out on you, and Ty bails out on Kit?

I mean, do you really think that's a coincidence?

Okay. Maybe not.

But I can't think about that right now.

Right now I got to think about four hours on the road, eight seconds on a bronc, and about 7.9 seconds to rope a calf.

Give or take.

Looks like you've got your thinking pretty well figured out.

Yes, I do.

Is that gonna go up? I need that to go up.

Oh, hey.

Competitor parking only, please. General parking back that way.

Here you go.

Great. Thanks.

Scott.

I was afraid you didn't get my message.

Message?

Yeah. You know, I need a vet on standby.

Wish I could pay you, but I'm barely breaking even as it is.

I'm not on standby, actually. I'm a late entry.

Oh.

Another entry. And a late entry.

I'm gonna have to charge you a late-entry fee.

Glad to be of help.

Great.

So, Scott Cardinal.

And what is your horse's name?

Eat My Dust.

I like the sound of that.

A C-note on Eat My Dust to win.

Stumpy, you're betting on the race?

Can't ride in it anymore.

Not since the last time.

At least I can make some money.

100 bucks on Eat My Dust to win.

Ladies and gentlemen. The window is now open.

Place your bets.

Stumpy, you are a genius.

Remember to hold back until the homestretch.

I already told you, I like to get the early lead.

And keep it.

I've got all the stats, Jack.

Look. He's a come-from-behind horse.

It's not my style to come from behind.

Well, If you want to win this race, you got to change your style.

Is that right?

Are you sure you're up for this, Dad?

Yes.

If the horse is up for it.

I still think it's insane.

You know, your prerace pep talk could use a little work.

I'm just being honest.

Well, don't be honest. Just say, "Dad, you're gonna win."

And then tell me how to do it.

Okay.

Dad, you're gonna win. Just go fast.

And if you see Grandpa coming up behind you, go faster.

All right. A fiver on You're So Money.

You got it. Good luck. Short horse to win.

I'm liking the odds on Jack Bartlett.

And don't forget about the returning champion, Tim Fleming.

Amy, I'm short a spotter.

I need you to take this, get it to the halfway mark as soon as the race starts.

No, no. She can't be a spotter. She's been helping the competition.

All right. Ty, you go.

Oh, give me a break.

You can't tell me that Ty hasn't been working with the old man.

Okay. They both go.

Okay.

Okay.

Can pretty much guarantee they won't be blind drunk.

Okay.

Thanks.

Lou.

Gonna wish me luck?

I would, Dad, but I have to maintain absolute impartiality.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, your odds are really good.

As we all know, the Hudson Charity Derby isn't just about winning or losing.

It's about community.

And before I introduce our official starter, Mrs. Sally Bell, I would like to remind you all that the betting window is now closed.

On your mark!

Get set!

Go!

Come on, Jack!

Come on, Grandpa!

Come on, Jack!

Come on, Jack! Let me give you a leg up!

Forget it. Just hold him still.

Don't be stubborn, Jack!

I'm not being stubborn!

It's all part of your stupid come-from-behind strategy!

Come on, Grandpa!

Go, Jack! Come on!

Come on, Dad!

And at mile one, it's Dusty Burdick in the lead.

Followed closely behind by Jim.

Slim?

No, Tim.

Tim Fleming.

Go, Dad!

Excuse me?

Oh, Miss Newton.

I understand you're taking bets.

Oh, I'm sorry. The betting window is now closed.

The race has already started.

You understand parimutuel betting at amateur sports events is in contravention of Hudson County bylaws?

Parimutuel? I had no idea.

Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law.

But...

You'll be hearing from my office.

Here's Tim. Second place.

And Scott's right behind him.

And Jack's moved into fourth place.

All right, I've just got an update from the course folks.

They are closing in on the halfway mark and...

Oh, no.

Tim Fleming has fallen behind.

Ooh, come in, Amy.

Come in.

Amy, are you there?

Yes, they are approaching the halfway mark.

And they're going really fast.

Damn it, Amy, where are you? What's going on?

Amy?

Lou, I can't hear you.

Lou!

You know, even when you can't hear her or know what she's saying, you sort of know what she's saying.

Yeah. Out of all of you, she's got it the worst.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you know.

That crazy competitive thing that runs in your family.

No. I am way more competitive than Lou.

Well, why don't you prove it?

All right. You asked for it.

Bring it on.

Amy, where are you? What are you two doing?

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Got you!

Go, Scott!

Go, Dad!

Go, Jack!

Yeah! Coming from behind!

Woo!

Hey.

What, you taking a shortcut, Tim?

You never learn, do you?

You all right?

Yeah.

Give me a leg up, will you, Jack?

You just had your shoulder blown to bits.

I don't know why you put yourself through this.

You know damn well why.

And this time I'm not gonna feel guilty about b*ating you.

Ah, you son of...!

And at the three-quarter pole, it's still Dusty Burdick.

Followed by...

Scott Cardinal.

Scott Cardinal?

What happened to my dad?

And where the hell is my grandpa?

I don't know.

But we don't care who wins or loses, do we, folks?

Because it's all just fun and games for a good cause.

See you, Scott.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Damn it.

Another rider down. It's anyone's race.

Come on. Come on.

Eat my dust!

Clear the course. They're coming in for the homestretch.

And here they come. And in first place it's...

I don't believe it. It's Scott.

Scott Cardinal in first place.

And in second place, it's Tim Fleming.

No, it's Jack Bartlett. No, it's a dead heat.

Woo-hoo! It's a tie!

A tie for second place.

Oh, man. Maybe your dad and Jack will give it a rest now.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

And now it gives me great pleasure to present the winner of this year's Hudson Derby with an all-inclusive deluxe weekend package at the Heartland Equestrian Connection.

And I would also like to apologize to those of you who mistakenly thought I was running a parimutuel betting operation and assure you that your nontaxable charitable donations will go straight to Mrs. Bell's defense fund.

It's for two.

Now all I have to do is find someone to spend the weekend with me at the dude ranch.

Who wants to start the bidding on a weekend with our big winner?

WOMAN: I do!

Do I hear $200?

Over here.

Do I hear four?

Going once. Going twice.

Sold to the woman in the white hat.

Now, how about his hat, folks?

Let's get some bids on Scott Cardinal's hat.

Heck of a race, Scott.

I've got 30.

Let me be the first to congratulate you.

Great job, pal. You know you won it fair and square.

Thanks, guys. No harm in being number two.

I know why Lou called it a tie.

But you and I both know the only thing you saw crossing that finish line was my horse's ass.

You know, I think you're right, Tim.

If I looked behind me, I would have seen you.

Biggest horse's ass in Hudson County.

Really?

Second in broncs. First in tie-down roping.

I got enough points to get my pro card.

Great. When are you heading south?

I can't go. I mean, I have to find a sponsor.

Well, that's exactly why I wanted to meet with you.

Don't show this to my daughter, all right?

She'll take it the wrong way.

What is this?

Let's just say now you've got all the sponsorship you're gonna need.

And so I just... I wish we made a profit.

But with all the expenses and the fines, I don't even think we're gonna break even.

*****... )

Would you like me to lend you some money, Lou?

Mrs. Bell, you don't understand. I was trying to raise money for you.

Well, don't worry about me.

My lawyer tells me we already have that Ms. Newton on the run.

Your lawyer?

I found my glasses, dear.

He was the first person I called after I read that letter.

You have a lawyer?

And he thinks Sugarfoot is the cutest little client he's ever had, so he's working for free.

Free?

Mrs. Bell, do you have his card? Can I get his number?

You see, I got this official letter from Hudson County.

Well, I'm glad to see you were able to set aside your petty concerns and accept the hay.

Glad you were able to drop your price to something reasonable.

Yeah, well, did it for the girls.

So, Jack.

What do you say? Maybe it's time we bury the hatchet.

First, I'll have to dig it out of my back.

Come on. How long we been at this, huh?

Claresholm? Williams Lake?

What are you talking about?

You know damn well what I'm talking about.

I was coming up, winning all the money.

And you were sliding in the standings.

The hell I was!

Oh, admit it.

I was the next big thing. It was my turn.

You didn't even shake my hand.

I barely knew who you were. Didn't care.

Till my daughter dragged you home like something stuck to the bottom of her boot.

Oh, so, you're saying you didn't mind me b*ating you all those times?

When you and Marion...

I noticed.

Every time you made the window, every time you took home a buckle, I was proud of you.

What do you expect? You married my daughter.

You were like a son to me.

Like a son?

That's right.

Until you broke her heart, and it all went south.

Yeah.

I wish it could have been different, Jack.

Me too.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you something, Jack.

I'm gonna be very honest here.

When I realized that Scott was gonna win the race, I slowed down so you could catch up.

The hell you did!

So, this time it's for real?

Yeah.

We need to get this out of the way once and for all.

Okay. But I want this to be fair.

Do you want a head start?

I don't need one.

Good.

Hey. what happened with fair?