05x05 - iQ

[bunniefuu]

You Guys... Its not Funny Noo, its prity funny How could your mom lose twenty thousand bucks On a buncha chickens?

It was one chicken and one rooster.

And they cost ten thousand each?!

They`re tahitian red beaks!

The rares Chickens in the world.

Whan Their eggs hatch People Buy the baby Chicks For a Thousand each So your mom`ll make her money back No, sha cant get `em to...

Make babies Well, i`m sorry your mom lost twenty thousand B`Doynd!

What what, hot guy, hot guy?

where is he?

Where is he?

who?

Red shirt, red shirt, brown hair.

Red Shirt.

Look at boy, I want that for Christmas why dont ya go and get him now?

Should i?

You`re not getting` any younger Ok, i`m goin` in.

Ohh, that`s a funny text.

Your phone off I know, Right?

I`m Carly.

Ah, "Carly"...

The name of the comely vixen who assuages king thurman`s cohort after the demise oh his corpulent mother I do a web show.

Do you?

Uh - huh.

it`s called "iCarly".

Oh, I think i`ve heard of that.

Yeah?

Yeah, you do teenage satire whit a piquant wit?

well, I dunno about that but...

last week sam drew a face on gibby`s butt y`know, you`re quite charming well, you hace nice eyes.

they say the eyes are the windows to the soul Well...

I Don`t have a boyfriend, so why don`tcha open up a window?

Whay?!

nO!

NO NO NO NO NO!

i`m sorry mister bo.

i`m just doing my job then your job is bein` a jerk!

look everybody!

We got a professional Jerk - Right Here!

I Am not a jerk.

I am City Healt inspector What`s the problem?

Him This man says I Can`t sleep upstairs in my bedroom anymore!

Yes, because the second floor is zoned for office use only i`ll zone you!

Where am I supposed to live?

I don`t care where you live, as long as it is not here.

You`ve been notifield.

Somebody should notify your wife that she`s married to a jerk!

I`m divorced.

Lucky Her!

Kyle, these are my friends sam and freddie who I do iCarly with (...)

Hey Nice Teeth Thank you.

you know.

I Haven`t seen iCarly Yet, but when I get home tonight, I plan to ingurgitate your website voraciously Cool.

Okay.

- Thanks man.

Well, i`m off.

Bye Later - Later What`d he say?

No idea.

Sut up he`s pretty.

Hey hey, no talking for a sec!

jeez!

Ha!

It Clicked!

That`s two Clicks!

Two more tumblers and I will enter that safe!

Hey, can you show me something in a after school ham?

Fridge.

On it.

You wanna tell us about your safe, dont you?

Yes.

So i`m at the junkyard bright and early this morning...

You Sure you didn`t wake up at noon?

So i`m at the junkyard about two-thirty, and I see this safe, right?.

So I Bought it!

Why?

`Cuz, dip-truck!

if I can get it open, whatever`s inside is all mine.

Do you know where t-bo slept last night?

Upstairs at the groovy smoothie?

No He got kicked outta there by a healt inspector.

He slept on a raft!

in a pond!

That`s awful.

Someone should do something about that.

While I open my safe.

Hey, Where`d you guys get this big fork?

Some website.

Epicforks.com?

That`s the one!

You and I are gonna be getting to know each other a lot better.

Okay, everybody, be quiet.

I think it`s about to click!

Hey, if you find twenty thousand bucks in there, will you give it to my mom so she`ll stop crying?

No.

No We like it when your mom cries.

What are we gonna do about t-bo?!

All Right.

Listen.

The bensons have a guest room, right?

Yeah.

By my room, why?

So if your mom rents t-bo a room, then t-bo`s got a place to stay, your mom`s got some extra money comin` in, and everybody`s happy.

That`s actually pretty smart.

yeah, i`m not all about goofy antics and spontaneous fires.

but mostly you are?

Well, yeah.

You think your mom would rent t-bo a room?

She needs the money.

I dunno.

she might think t-bo`s too "wild and crazy".

Your mom thinks oatmeal`s too "wild and crazy".

What if we, like, clean t-bo up?

Maybe.

I don`t think I cant ever go back to normal forks.

What?

I have a date with kyle tonight.

the smart dude from the smoothie?

yeah.

he wants to take me to some movie i`ve never heard of and I only have four hours to get ready!

Bye!

Dang.

it won`t open!

So now that?

Plan B.

Yeah!

Get Some!

wooh!

Wonderful.

Great film.

you enjoyed the first half?

the first half?

Yeah.

This is an intermission.

There`s two more hours to go.

Oh.

Awesome.

I Didn`t know movies had intermissions.

Yeah.

foreign films often do.

right.

yay foreigners.

Oh Carly.

You do have a certain je me sais quoi.

Yeah, I got a lotta that.

I like you.

You D Categorically.

My last girlfriend she was a bit obtuse.

Did she consider that lap-band surgery?

Oh, Oh, Oh, you are jocular.

No, i`m not that good at sports.

CSo, your ex-girlfriend...

Yeah.

I don`t mean to sound snobbish, but if a girl`s not intelligent, then what`s the point?

She wasn`t smart?

Well, let`s just say that she didn`t have the mental abilities to appreciate a film like this.

that poor thing i`ll fetch us beverage from the concessionary What?

Oh.

Stay delightful.

Two more hours?!

A guest room?

For me?

With its own bed?, and a window?

maybe.

my mom needs money.

She made a bad chicken investment.

Right, I heard her chickens whouldn`t...

Right, right Yeah, we know I got your bike down.

Good, gibby`s helping me move some of stuff into storage Now what?

Scuttle up those stairs and the get the rest of my junk So let`s go talk to your mom about my new room!

Uhh, yeah, not so fast.

Before you meet my mom whe should probably make a few...

...

Changes with you.

Change what about me?

Oh, you know...

Everything.

Yeah, pretty much everything.

Spencer.

Spencer!

Oh hey.

You`ve been trying to open your safe with that chainsaw for eight hours?!

Yeah.

I think the safe won this battle.

Who`s the stud in the blazer?

Oh.

Kyle, that`s my brother, spencer.

Spencer, this is kyle.

Yeah, good hair.

Thanks.

You know, that safe is probably made of carbonized iron.

And most chainsaw theeth are made of a tempered steel alloy.

And?

Well, the safe has a far denser molecular structure.

That chainsaw could never cut through it.

Yeah, that`s what I was thinkin`.

Maybe you should think about it in your room.

Fine.

I Can take a hint.

And this banana.

Well, I don`t wish to overstay my welcome.

Good night No.

Why don`t you hang out for a while?

You know, so we can hang out?

Well, I would love to discuss the sociopolitical implications of the film we just saw.

Yeah, Spencer, Whatcha need?

I didn`t hear anything?

I better go see what he wants.

Coming spencer.

What?

I took the hint.

I know, but now I need kyle to leave.

What did he do?

Nothing!

It`s just I really like him and if he finds out i`m not a smart as he thinks I am then he`s not gonna wanna go out with me and I need a pretty boyfriend!

So You want me to just like throw him out?

No!

Uh, give yourself a bloody nose!

You mean whack myself in the nose with...

Plase help me!

Just help me.

I`m Back.

I`m ready to talk about the film.

Excellent.

Now, did you feel that when...

Awwwww!!!

Money!

( or monkey?)

No!

my nose is bleeding.

weird, huh?

I should help him.

Sorry, kyle.

You should go.

Oh, all right, just make sure to tilt his head 15 degrees and maintain pressure on his septum so the blood coagulates.

Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Pressure on the septum.

Call me.

Where are you going?

Upstairs to study!

Study for what?

for my next date with kyle!

`key, i`ll just bleed.

Hey sam, will you help me do a camera check?

I`m busy with my big fork.

Carly, will you help me do a camera...

I`m studying for a date!

A date with who?

Kyle!

Pretty Kyle!

The brainy hot guy she`s been muckin` around with.

So I have to learn about boring russian films and how to speak mandarin chinese!

He speaks chinese?

Fluently!

And all i`ve learned how to say so far is "....."

What`s that mean?

I don`t know!

How can you not know what it means?

I do know!

I means "i don`t know"!

All right, let`s do this!

Gibby?

Yes?

You`re no doin`a snowman bit on iCarly tonight.

Yes I am.

I asked sam if I could wear a costume on the show tonight and she said snowman!

I Said no man!

Twenty seconds Chinese?

Fine.

I`ll just stay up all night studying for my date tomorrow.

Where is this date happening?

We`re having dinner here.

P`ch easy.

All ya gotta do is make a few cheat sheets.

He knows everything!

I can`t make cheat sheets for everything So hide a pear pad.

Keep your phone in your pocket.

He says somethin` you don`t know about, you sneak a look at the web.

you`ll be as smart as the internet.

The internet is really smart.

And speaking of the internet in five, four, three, two...

I`m carly!

I have a big fork and this is iCarly!

With a big fork.

I`m a snowman.

Hey, carls, why is gibby a snowman?

(Chino) I Don`t know!

Hey, you gotta be outta this room by the time kyle gets here.

Yeah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Look, i`m taping these notes about foreign lenguages at the bottom of my plate.

I love tape he`s gonna be here any minute!

y`know, yes could help me.

I gotta keep my fork shiny and lubed in case a meal breaks out.

Just get the door.

?

I`m ready to be made over.

and I brought some baked artichokes.

on a stick.

Thanks T-bo.

Just lay `em on the table right there.

Cool, cool.

C`mon, teebs.

Freddie and Gibby are upstairs.

we gotta get you lookin` purdy for mrs.

benson.

I`m already wearin` my fancy underpants.

Don`t make me sick.

Upstairs.

Hey!

Hey!

Keep your giant fork outta my date bread!

The big fork wants what the big fork wants.

Ah, that`s gotta be kyle!

go to your room!

Go to your room!

This safe`s not opened yet...

Get up!

Get up!

I havent`t found my treasure!

Good evening kyle.

And to you.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Mmmm...

do I detect the aroma of a melange of epicurean delights?

I Made pork chops.

Excellent.

Um.

Do you have a restroom where I can ablute before dinner?

Uh, Sure.

You can Ablute in that bathroom right down the hallway there.

Back in a kish.

What the heck does ablute mean?!?!?

Hey!

you`re s`posed to have T-bo at your mom`s in five minutes.

Okay.

Here comes the new T-bo.

Wow.

Lookin` good.

T-bo.

Please.

Call me terrance.

Yeah, use that voice in the interview my mom`ll love that.

Of course, fredward.

I`d be delighted to speak in this voice during the interview.

Nice job on the suit, gibs.

Ah, thanks.

But i`d still like to lengthen those sleeves a little and, uh, gave him more room in the rump.

My rump has more than enough room, thank you.

All right, let`s go.

and please don`t talk about your rump it front of my mother what?

she don`t like rumps?

stop saying it!

This pork chop is absolutely ambrosial.

Yeah, well.

What`s the point of making a pork chop if it`s not ambrosial?

Uh, you know the russian film we went to see the other night?

The guy who directed it was from the town of...

krasnogorsk.

This is true.

And when I was ten, my parents took me to krasnogosk optikon square where I saw the famous statue Right.

The statue of..

The statue of...

You need more ice.

Oh, I have plenty of ice.

You need some more.

Could I please have another pork chop?

Just a sec!!!

Okay, take you shoes off.

Why?

If you want the room then trust me.

just take `em off.

better.

Hey, mom, we`re here.

we certainly are.

Hey mom.

Shoes off both of you.

Sorry I`ve already removed my shoes, mrs.

benson.

Why, yes yo have.

Mom.

this is terrance bo.

Terrance, this is my mother.

Hello.

T It`s a pleasure to know you.

I Was sorry to hear that your chickens whouldn`t do the dilly-doo.

Well, thank you.

But I warn you, I will not let just anyone rent a room in this house.

Please, Ask me as many questions as you`d like.

It might take awhile.

It`s all right terrance has plenty of time, as long as he makes it to church by nine-thirty Church on Saturday night?

TIt`s not just for sundays anymore.

And did you know that mandarin chinese is one of the six official languages of the united nations?

I did not.

Well.

it is.

The other five are english, french, russian, spanish and uh, Ahhh, Look at our door.

Arabic!

`Scuze me?

That`s the sixth lenguage.

Arabic.

Your pork chop`s on the table.

Weird.

Hey.

Quit tryin` to Escape.

You`ve taped cheat notes to the bottom of your plate?

Well, I Just...

Ohh...

More cheat notes?

And you misspelled russia.

Well, my arm doesn`t have spell-check!

Look, i`m not as smart as you thought I was.

I mean, i`m not smart like you.

I suppose you`re gonna leave now
`cuz you think i`m all dumb.

No No?

I`m going to leave because you are dishonest with me.

That`s worse than being dumb.

Oh, C`mon, Kyle!

I Don`t lie while i`m kissin`.

Huh?

This is our valediction.

But...

What does that mean?!

You got busted?

I Think he dumped me.

You think?

Why.

What`d he say?

(Habla Chino)

C`mon Kid.

Don`t fell all bad.

I Do fell all bad.

Here.

You can have your big fork back.

Thanks.

I Thought you loved This big fork.

I Did.

Til I found this one That`s comediacally big.

Yep.

Hi!, Can I borrow a cup of sugar.

Neighbor?

Your mom rented him the room?!

For a whole year!

Just signed the lease!

Who`s ready to see the treasures that await me inside my super-cool safe?

Dude, you`re never getting` that thing open.

Am too!

Socko got me a special C-4
expl*sive charge from his cousin boomer.

Fire in the hole!

Here we go - Oh boy.

C-4?

It Opened!!!

What`s in it?!

No!!!!!