02x23 - Big Time Rocker

[bunniefuu]

[menacing rock music]

♪ ♪

Stone.

Okay, here's your room key.

[yelps]

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ when you go big time ♪
♪ what you want, what you feel ♪
♪ never quit and make it real ♪
♪ when you roll big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey ♪
♪ listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey ♪
♪ don't you feel the rush ♪
♪ uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
♪ uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
♪ oh ♪
♪ go and shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪
♪ go and make your luck ♪
♪ with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

[yelling and clamoring]

Thanks, katie!

Tell me who she is! What's her name?

That is confidential resident manager information That I cannot divulge.

Money!

Money! He wants money!

I've got money.

$4.65 and a half stick of gum?

It's all we have.

Fine, you're gonna get the light version.

Name: Lucy stone.

Reason in l.A.: To become a rock star.

All: Ooh.

All: She's mine!
[squabbling]

Okay!

You called nothing, and you are out.

Fine.

I just lost a girlfriend to new zealand, And I don't need a new one any time soon.

[crowd gasps]

Yo, camille, congratulations on--

Thud!

Did you hear she just landed a part in that new movie, Spy high?

Okay, the new girl is all yours.

I'm out.

And you: No talky talky to the new girl.

What are you guys gonna do, both date her.

No, that would be weird.

That would be weird, right?

It would.

So that's why we're gonna let her decide.

Well, guess it's just you and me.

No, it's just you.

'cause I have to put this embarrassment of riches In the house safe.

Okay.

Pool it is.

Camille?

Where are you, mysteriously appealing camille?

[gasps]

Well, hello, and congrats on the new role.

Shh!

I know not of zis camille.

I am special agent mila stark.

And right now, el presidente is massing forces, And the rebels need my help.

Oh.

But if I don't make it back...

Remember me.

Which way did she go?

She told me if I said anything, she'd have to k*ll me.

[giggles]

Hey.

What's the matter, can't talk to me?

Why not?

Hello there.

It's lucy, isn't it?

Welcome to the palmwoods.

We are two eligible bachelors, Ready and willing to be eligible.

And know that you can--
and are encouraged to--

Choose one of us as your new boyfriend.

Let me save you some time.

Eeny meeny miny no.

Was that a "no" to me or a "no" to him?

Ahem, perhaps you don't know who we are.

You're big time rush.

You're on rocque records.

You have one album out, and your music is...

Cute.

She said we're cute!

No, she said our music is cute.

It is cute.

It's catchy and danceable, but just doesn't rock.

We rock.

Um, no talky to girl, 'member?

In fact, we're working on a new album right now Which totally rocks.

We rock!

Tell you what.

You go to your studio, Bring me back some of your new tracks, And we'll see if they rock.

Which they won't.

Remember: No talky to girl.

As for you two, I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now, But I could use some help moving in.

Yeah, we could totally--

[muffled sputtering]

What--what are you doing?

What are you doing?

She was about to invite us in.

As friends.

And we want to stay out of the friend zone.

Right.

What's the friend zone?

The friend zone is a dark, cool place Filled with ex-boyfriend talks, rides to the airport, And helping her move.

I don't like the friend zone.

Hey, so there's this new girl at the palmwoods Who said that big time rush does not rock, And I say we do rock, So I need the new tracks to prove it.

First of all, my name is gustavo rocque, Not gustavo "doesn't rock."

Well, according to every music magazine, Btr is a pop dance group.

So in a way, she's kind of right.

Together: Well, they're wrong too!

And I will prove it by playing you a sampling Of my new rockin' track, pair of eyes.

♪ I see you walking ♪
♪ then I see you pass me by ♪
♪ with your pair of eyes ♪
♪ your pair of eyes ♪

That doesn't rock!

Not even close.

We totally rock, okay?

Oh, hey, logan. What's up?

Oh, uh...

Hi, camille.

You're, uh, normal, and not all dangerous.

What happened?

Oh, I was just rehearsing lines from that script.

But I got it down now.

Oh, are you sure you don't need to, you know, Rehearse more with that wig and that accent and the wig?

I guess I could for a little while longer.

No!

You've got to become this character.

You've got to envelop yourself in this role with the wig And become mila.

You know what? You're right.

If I want to succeed, I have to really throw myself into this character.

And don't forget the boots.

Dahling, we must seize ze funds from el presidente's safe And get zem to ze rebels if ze revolution is to succeed.

Gotta help them rebels.

[grunts]

[sighs]

Whew. Thanks, katie.

Now to avoid the friend zone, We need to make it clear That our intentions are to date her, Not to help her move in.

But remember: This is not a battle between us, But a decision for her to make.

It'll be the hardest decision she'll ever have to make.

Good luck, my friend.

Lucy!

Do you prefer flowers...

Or chocolate?

I'm allergic to flowers, And I don't like chocolate.

[vapid club dance music]

[grunting]

Do you like a guy who works out all day...

Or one that dances all night?

No, thank you.

Hey, we are help with the plumbing?

We're handymen good for dating!

What part of this did you think I'd go for?

We don't know. We are getting desperate.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, operation turn
pair of eyes

Into a rockin's song is underway.

We record it, then I show the new rocker gir--and the world--

That big time rush rocks.

Okay, guys, I think you're overreacting.

Also, I don't know how to play the guitar.

Guess what. Don't need to.

'cause all you got to do is turn it up!

[amplifier humming]

One, two, three!

Rock!

[glass shattering]

[screaming]

[sirens and alarms wailing]

Too much rock!

Fine!

I'll prove that we rock the old-fashioned way.

No, kendall! Too much rock!

Too much rock!

Hey.

Did you come here to not talk to me some more?

I came here to show you that we rock.

[tentative garage rock music]

♪ ♪

Nice chord progression, And very cute amp.

Cute?

That rocked.

Try an "e-b-c-g"

[distorted, burly guitar solo]

♪ ♪

That rocked.

Aw, you look sad?

That's better.

Ze palace is swarming with guards.

Uh-huh. Then what?

I need a lookout.

Can I trust you?

Trust me? You can kiss me.

In case you don't come back.

I got it.

Got what?

Ze money.

What money?

El presidente's, all $10,000 of it.

And half a stick of gum.

Wait, what did you do?

[alarm ringing]

Help! Help!

The palmwoods has been robbed!

[alarm whooping]

Did you see anything, anyone?

And a daring burglary yesterday at the palmwoods Has residents on edge.

This security footage shows A mystery woman making off with the contents of the house safe.

Police are wondering if this was an inside job And if the thief had an accomplice.

Okay, that news footage is so going on my reel.

What were you thinking?

You told me to stay in character.

I didn't tell you to steal $10,000

Out of bitters' safe.

Now the cops are gonna be after us.

Yes, well, that's what mila does.

And frankly, I'm starting to think You like mila more than you like me.

What? No, that'd be weird.

[nervously chuckles]

Be weird, right?

Yes!

And anyway, if we just return the money, It'll be like we never stole it, right?

Right! Okay, let's move out!

L.A.P.D.

[shrieks]

We got to hide! Yeah!

Window! Back window!

What if she's right?

What if they're all right?

No, no, no. They can't all be right.

Right?

Btr rocks, and I have the proof.

Because last night I changed
pair if eyes

Into a far more rockin' song.

Check it!

♪ I see you walking ♪
♪ then I see you pass me by ♪
♪ with your rockin' eyes ♪
♪ your rockin' eyes ♪

You just changed "pair" to "rockin'."

I know. And it still doesn't rock.

I know!

What if we tried "e-b-c-g"?

[crunchy rock guitar]

♪ ♪

Get the band here, and get them in the studio Because btr is gonna rock!

Yes!

Sorry, no room for the bear.

But I'm curious. What's in the envelope?

Two tickets...

To paradise.

Look, guys, you're both really cute--

Diggin' us alert!

But I just got out Of a really messy relationship--

Friend zone alert!

Closing the door alert.

It's clear what's going on here.

She's in love with both of us but can't decide.

Yup! That's it!

We have to split up And give her some one-on-one time.

Split up alert!

[police radio chatter]

Okay, we need a plan.

We can't live in a dumpster forever.

Hey!

I worked really hard to make this dumpster nice.

Yeah, and it's very nice, But the palmwoods is crawling with cops.

How about we take this stolen money, Buy passage to peru, And start a new life raising alpacas?

Okay, look.

I never thought I'd say this, but I need mila back.

As crazy as she was, she was good at stealing.

Maybe she's good at unstealing.

Let us do zis.

Wait, no kiss?

Aww.

You brought your mommy and daddy here to tell me you rock.

No.

We brought our totally rocking new song That rocks to tell you we rock.

Yeah!

That song which is called
pair of eyes.

Cute title.

Cute? What do you mean, cute?

See? That's what I'm talking about.

It's just not a rockin' title.

Well, where's your rockin' cd with all your rockin' titles, Miss rock expert?

Yeah!

Teenage anarchy.

Eat my dog?

Cut it off and--

[gasping]

Yeah.

That last one shocks a lot of people.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with your friends by the pool.

[sighs]

[screams]

Why does everybody keep getting paralyzed?

Paralyzed!

It's not pair of eyes.

It's paralyzed.

Now, that is a rockin' title.

To the studio!

I think you make it to start.

Got here as soon as I could.

James, I just want you to know I can't resist you anymore.

And I choose you To be my new boyfriend.

Great.

No.

I don't kiss on the first date.

But meet me at my apartment in one hour for a second date.

Can I bring anything?

Light bulbs.

So I can see your pretty face.

Carlos.

Yes?

I choose you to be my new boyfriend.

Yes!

Do we kiss now?

Not here.

In one hour at my apartment.

Can I bring something?

Extension cords.

Oh!

Why are you dressed like a cop and I'm dressed like mila?

Because mila has many disguises And a perfect plan.

I got him, boys.

What?

He was hiding out in a dumpster.

Wait, what?

Quiet, punk.

Johnson, catch.

I'm stevens.

Who're you?

Special agent stark.

We been tracking this punk cross three states For robbery, money laundering, and crimes against fashion.

He does not look good.

Look, she is nuts!

You can't take me to jail.

Pipe down, punk!

I'm gonna take him in for bookin', Unless one of you wants the honor.

Nah, looks like you got it all under control, agent stark.

Hey, wait a minute.

There was half a stick of gum in here.

Whoo-hoo!

Yes, we did it!

That was awesome.

All in a day's verk.

Dangerous work...

That you might not come back from.

I'm not kissing you anymore.

Darn it!

One last kiss!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Meeting my new girlfriend.

No, she's my new girlfriend.

Hi, guys.

You can't date both of us at the same time.

Yes, I can.

Uh, no.

We agreed that's weird.

We agree that's weird, right?

Yes!

Are you saying you're breaking up with me?

Together: Yes.

Well, I hope we can still be friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess we can be friends.

Great. Friend zone it is.

Together: Huh?

Bye, guys Oh, what?

What's with the plant?

It's a housewarming gift.

And I just wanted to tell you that big time rush Will be performing our new rockin' song, paralyzed, On the news tomorrow at 8:00 a.M.

You might want to check it out.

Are you singing the tracks on their news stage?

Oh, no, we're gonna be on the news For the whole world to see.

Oh, she got us again! Friend zone--what?

♪ you walked into the room ♪
♪ on a Friday afternoon ♪
♪ it's when I saw you for the first time ♪
♪ and I was paralyzed ♪
♪ time stopped ticking ♪
♪ my hands keep shaking ♪
♪ and you don't even know that ♪
♪ I try to speak ♪
♪ but girl you got me tongue-tied ♪
♪ I try to breathe ♪
♪ but I'm f-f-f-frozen inside ♪
♪ I try to move but I'm stuck in my shoes ♪

And in financial news this morning, The markets rallied with some pop performers--

♪ p-p-p-paralyzed ♪
♪ I see you walking ♪
♪ but all you do is pass me by ♪
♪ can't even talk ♪
♪ 'cause words don't come into my mind ♪
♪ I try to move ♪
♪ but I'm stuck in my shoes ♪
♪ you got me paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ p-p-p-paralyzed ♪
♪ as the years go by ♪

Right now we're gonna go live to downtown Where apparently there is a band rocking out on a truck And blocking traffic.

♪ if I get the chance ♪
♪ I hope I won't be paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed by you ♪
♪ I try to speak ♪

The name of the band is big time rush, And police are now arriving on the scene.

♪ but I'm f-f-frozen inside ♪
♪ I try to move ♪
♪ but I'm stuck in my shoes ♪
♪ you got me paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ p-p-p-paralyzed ♪
♪ I see you walking ♪
♪ but all you do is pass me by ♪
♪ can't even talk ♪
♪ 'cause words don't come into my mind ♪
♪ I'd make a move if I had the guts to ♪
♪ but I'm paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ p-p-p-paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ you got me tongue-tied ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ now I'm frozen inside ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ you got me paralyzed ♪
♪ paralyzed ♪
♪ p-p-p-paralyzed ♪

[cheers and applause]

And finally, tonight, No charges will be filed against the band big time rush For their impromptu downtown concert this morning Because, according to police chief stevens, "everyone had a good time, And btr rocks."

[cheering]

The cops were right.

Btr rocks.

Thank you.

And thank you two for helping me move.

My place looks great now.

Together: Friend zone.

Yay!

Hey, it is gonna be cool Having a friend with their own place.

It is a little snug in here though.

Very snug. Yeah.

Let's go hang out by the pool.

All: Yeah!