03x03 - Take This Job and Shove It

[bunniefuu]

I sublet the carriage house to my cousin Lynly.

Now, if you so much as flirt with her, I will remove your arms.

Just call me "Chick from last night."

Uh, Chick, I made you some eggs.

What's wrong, Lynly?

I met a guy. He made me eggs.

But he said he doesn't want to see me again.

We need a favor.

A favor?

I was hoping you would tutor her.

Of course.

All right, each of you are here because your contempt for our neighbors to the north.

I hate you, but I hate Fillmore more.

Exactly.

You are supposed to be gone.

This practice is mine now.

I have the e-mail to prove it.

Of course it is. I am just here to see how you are.

Stay away from my patients, or I'll get a restraining order.

I am the only doctor in town.

I thought I banned you.

I'm here as a girlfriend, not doctor.

You really don't see a pattern here?

All I said was that you might have sleep apnea. I heard snoring.

Yesterday you wanted to check me for scoliosis, the day before that, dengue fever.

Look, you don't have to be overweight to have sleep apnea.

You could have a deformed epiglottis.

(chuckles) Come on. If you love me, you'll let me just take one little peek down your throat.

All right, all right, this is a family establishment.

You can take the flashlight and the dirty talk back to the Whippoorwill.

Two Alabama Omelettes.

Are these egg whites?

'Cause, you know, I...

Yeah, yeah, egg whites from free-range chickens raised up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Went to all the best schools.

Enjoy.

Well, that never gets old.

Okay, come on, just one look? Say "Ah""

Zoe, sweetie...

You need to go back to work.

I know.

It's just that we've been here a while, and you don't seem any closer to finding gainful employment.

No, but I am. I've spent the last couple weeks enacting a genius two-pronged plan to get Brick to hire me back.

I'm intrigued.

Prong one: butter him up!

Every day I stop by his office, bring him a pastry, say, "Hey".

Prong two: Every lunch hour, I schmooze the good people of BlueBell right in Brick's line of vision.

Why? So Brick knows you're not missing any meals?

So he can remember the good rapport I have with my former patients.

Slowly, an idea will form, take root.

Then one night, he will have a realization: "Zoe Hart could open her own practice and steal my patients!"

Soon after that, he's gonna ask me back.

So what do you think?

Well, I think I can reduce your two-pronged approach to a single prong.

Why don't you open your own practice?

What? No, no.

I don't want my own...

The whole point of this is for me to get back into that practice.

Yeah, but Brick doesn't have to know that.

If he's so scared, thr*aten to go into business for yourself.

We have to do things the Southern way.

Trust me.

It's already working.

Even if it seems like it's not, that's what makes it Southern.

Huh?

And I'd like to see a mockup for the bouquets by the end of the day today.

That is a hard deadline, people.

Better get comfortable. We could be here for days. What'd I miss?

Oh, well, Her Highness has set a new record for opening remarks: 20 minutes.

Now for new business.

First up, the annual plantathon.

It's time to decorate the gazebo.

So, in the interest of speeding things along...

Lemon...

I didn't call on you yet.

Yes, I know, but have to get back to the Rammer Jammer.

I'm prepping for a very special show tomorrow night.

Lemon booked The Head and the Heart.

Y'all should come.

I didn't realize we allowed personal solicitations at our meetings.

Well, the point is that I just want to let everyone know what type of flowers I ordered.

Three colors of roses...

Oh, let me just stop you right there.

See, I am choosing the flowers this year.

Crickett, I always choose...

Begonias and oleander.

It'll be beautiful.

Now moving on...

Let it go, Lemon, there's always next year.

Crickett, you're making a mistake.

Lemon, I-I'm not sure I heard you.

Well, first of all, begonias and oleander are an appalling combination, creatively, aesthetically, and botanically.

And second of all, oleanders are poisonous, and I'm pretty sure that it's in our best interest not to be k*lling the good people of BlueBell.

It is a good point.

(both chuckle)

Well, this is a democratic institution.

Lets put it to a vote, shall we?

Everyone who thinks the leader of the Belles should choose the flowers this year, raise your hands so I can see them.

And everyone who thinks we should trust the judgment of Lemon Breeland, who, I remind you, recently had relations with Meatball, raise your hands.

And there you have it.

Yay, democracy!

Hey, Frank.

Where do I find earplugs and antihistamines?

You're gonna have to wait for Tom to get in.

I'm off duty.

From 12:00 to 2:00, I man my other business, Dixie Stop Investigations.

BlueBell's only full-service security and investigative firm.

Um... could you investigate the mystery of where I could find earplugs and antihistamines?

Is this guy giving you some trouble there, Frank?

I was just under the impression that I could actually buy dr*gs from the Dixie Stop Drugstore.

Well, I could prescribe you some ointment to get rid of that New York attitude.

(chuckles)

Okay, I'm not sure what I did to offend you, but I'm sorry.

Well, maybe you should just check with your girlfriend.

You think I don't know what she's up to?

Uh, Zoe's up to nothing, except diagnosing me and learning to juggle because you won't let her back in her practice.

"Her" practice?

Her practice!

No, I didn't mean that.

Oh, so that's what she thinks?

That's not what I meant.

I didn't...

I spent 25 years building this practice, and she's gonna steal it out from under me?

She's not trying to steal it...

I have seen her schmoozing my patients.

Brick, believe me, if she wanted to steal your patients, she would have stolen them by now.

It's obvious this town loves her.

Oh, really?!

Oh, so that's what she thinks?

Well, if Zoe Hart wants to open her own practice, you tell her to be my guest.

That wasn't my point.

I did not mean that. Brick, come on!

(sighs)

I think he may have taken that the wrong way.

Oh, no, this can't be happening!

This is the worst news possible.

What is it?

Fillmore's about to get their own minor league baseball team.

Okay, so not the worst news possible.

There've been rumblings that the Daphne Mackerals are leaving Daphne.

So I called the owner, Cameron Lynch, to pitch 'em BlueBell, six, seven times.

Lavon...

Never got a callback.

Now they in negotiations with Fillmore!

Lavon!

Why don't you ask Brick to help?

Brick? Why?

Because Brick and Cameron Lynch are old college buddies.

Which I know since, lucky me, managing Brick's Facebook page falls under my job description.

Annabeth, sweetheart, I could kiss you right now!

Ooh, not a bad opening offer, but I think you can do better.

(both chuckle)

It's kind of a dull pain, you know, but sharp, if you know what I mean.

It hurts when you're slinging fish?

Yeah.

It's a rotator cuff.

Get an MRI.

Okay.

Okay.

Thanks, Doc.

Sure.

(coughing)

Delma! Delma, Delma, I do not like the sound of that cough.

Maybe my biscuit went down the wrong tube?

Maybe you need to get an X ray.

Hey! There she is, the hardest-working unemployed doctor in the South.

I can't turn it off.

Exactly! Which is why I've been thinking that you really should start your own practice.

I'm sorry. Did one of us have an aneurysm or did we not have that very conversation this morning?

No, we did, we did.

So what has changed between then and now?

Joel?

(laughs)

Promise me that you'll see this for the funny story that it will eventually become.

Oh, no.

Oh, like what you've done with my office.

Well, if it isn't the competition.

Joel has something he wants to say.

Yes, Dr. Breeland. We had a miscommunication earlier.

I in no way meant to thr*aten or imply that Zoe wants to open her own practice.

That-That is the last thing she wants to do.

Very last thing. So true.

Then why have I been getting calls from old Sal Nutter asking about an MRI and Delma Warner requesting X rays?

What do these patients have in common?

I was just making conversation with my friends.

Or as we down here in the South, trying to hijack my livelihood!

Oh... Show him the pecan strudel. It's amazing.

Brick, I don't get it.

We were doing so great before I left for New York.

We enjoyed working together!

Oh, you can rewrite history all you want.

All I can say is I'm a million times happier and this town is a trillion times healthier since you left.

Everything okay in here?

Yeah. They're just in the middle of making up.

Well, don't believe me. Ask anyone!

Fine. Consider my apology retracted.

Whatever Joel said the first time? He was right.

I am gonna open my own practice!

Actually, you can't.

Excuse me?

I was just dropping off some files, but legally, you are not allowed to open your own practice.

Ha! That's my lawyer!

Okay, we say two words to each other in five months and this is how you want to restart communication?

Okay, look, this isn't personal, but you have a non-compete clause in your contract, okay?

If either partner leaves, he or she is barred from opening their own practice within 20 miles of BlueBell for at least year.

He's right.

You're right.

I am so happy we're speaking again.

And if you so much as hand a sneezing Shula Whitaker a tissue, I will sue you for everything you're worth.

Actually there's a cap of $350,000.

Oh. Oh, well, hey, that-that-that's better.

Zoe, I'm sorry, I had no idea.

It was a beautiful two-pronged plan, Joel.

Now I got no prongs.

You left me with zero prongs!

Season 3, Episode 3

Take This Job and Shove It Well, you were already gone for a while, so what's another six months to lay low?

You can do that.

Do what? Not be a doctor for that long? I'll go crazy.

Just think of it as a sabbatical.

Hell, I'd love a six-month sabbatical.

Your whole life is a sabbatical.

You know, there's a certain kind of guy who might be insulted by that.

Not me.

Mm.

See, I am a glass half full kind of guy.

Maybe I can do that; turn off the diagnostic part of my brain for six months.

Maybe I can see Teddy Babbitz and not notice his conjunctivitis.

Or see Shula, but not see what appears to be a pre-cancerous mole on her neck.

I'm pretty sure that's guacamole.

Still, I really want to biopsy it.

Yeah, well, you're gonna have to try harder.

Looks like you got a new best friend.

Hmm?

(groans)

I do believe somebody hired the nation's only pharmacist P.I. to keep tabs on you.

Ugh, Brick.

This is a disaster.

Six months?

I am not gonna last six days.

Good luck with that.

(sighs)

And more pastry? Weird.

Ah, this one is a banana cream pie.

All right, what do you need?

I got an opportunity for you.

Well, for us.

Now, remember how you told me how much you loved going to baseball games as a kid?

Oh...

Yeah. (chuckles)

What if BlueBell had our very own Minor League team?

Well, that be heaven on Earth.

But that's a bit of a pipe dream, isn't it?

Well, actually, it turns out the Daphne Mackerals are looking for a new town to call home.

And I just learned that their owner (groans) is an old friend of yours.

Oh, no, Cameron Lynch.

You went to college with him.

No, I went to college with her.

And I wouldn't call Cam Lynch a friend so much as I would the most annoying person I ever met.

Br-Brick, BlueBell needs this.

You could be the savior.

Just one phone call. Get her to visit.

I'll do the rest.

I have been trying to unfriend Cameron Lynch since before Facebook was even invented.

Okay, okay, okay, look, look.

Just close your eyes.

Hmm?

Picture this.

It's opening day for the BlueBell Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackeral.

Smell it.

The-the peanuts, the cr*cker Jacks.

(chuckles)

The freshly cut grass.

Who's that on the pitcher's mound?

It's you, Brick Breeland, throwing out the ceremonial first pitch of the season.

(crowd cheering, bat hitting ball)

All right. I'll make the call.

Leave the pie.

Oh.

So, the test will try to trick you into thinking that a correlation between two things is actually a causation.

And...

You don't have to do that.

Why can't we do this outside?

It's sunny. I brought a bathing suit.

Yup, after I asked you not to.

Lynly, I'm trying to help you study here and you seem intent on flirting.

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

Really? You remember yesterday when you said that you could process information better if I held your hand?

Physical contact helps a certain kind of student.

That's a fact.

We're called "tactile learners""

Okay... (clears throat)

Lynly, whatever it is that you think is going to happen here is not going to happen.

Okay? We are not going to get together.

And not just because Lavon would break my kneecaps.

But... (chuckles)

I'm not the guy for you.

I'm going to wear you down, George Tucker.

And sooner or later, you will ask me out.

I don't...

Can I just say one more thing?

(laughs) Is it, uh, is it LSAT related?

Indirectly.

I think there is a correlation between how remarkable your eyes are and how much I want to brush the hair away just...

Hey, guys.

Uh, hey!

Sorry to interrupt.

Lavon, not interrupting at all, man.

We were just studying.

Lots and lots of studying.

Yup, I have learned so much.

Oh, good, well...

You know, I hate to do this, but I-I really need George on urgent town business.

Oh, no, that's perfectly fine.

100% fine.

Um, Lynly, you and I will reschedule for sometime in the distant future, okay?

Not too distant, I hope.

See you soon, George Tucker.

What you need?

Step into my office.

All right.

Uh, now, BlueBell has a chance to win a Minor League baseball team.

What? Really?

Yeah.

That's-that's huge, Lavon.

You know, I always thought that I could play in the minor leagues, man.

Yeah, I was a second baseman.

Also was a cleanup hitter.

(laughs) Do we have a name yet?

Because...

The BlueBell Bombardiers suggests a really cool logo.

Retro, yet intimidating.

Okay, whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves, all right?

Now, first we need options on the-the land behind Barnard's farm.

Okay.

And a cost benefit presentation.

Now, how long to put all that together?

(splutters) Three weeks if I rush it.

You've got 24 hours.

That's... that's not...

(laughs)

Hi.

Go ahead, dig in.

Please, help yourselves, so glad to see y'all.

Okay.

We're ready.

Okay.

Okay.

Ladies. Thank you for coming.

I would like to tell you all why we're here.

We're not planning a surprise party for Crickett?

Oh, no. That was my cover story.

Welcome to the first meeting of...

The Resistance.

I even got special cheese.

Port Salut... eaten by the students during the French Revolution.

What exactly are we resisting?

The current and very inadequate leadership of the Belles.

Crickett and her silent partners, Elodie and Tara Jane.

I thought we could all start with our grievances.

Who would like to go first?

Oh, come on, Julianne.

Aren't bake sales down 50%?

Carol, do you think we'll ever see the designs for the new winter scarves?

Listen, I understand that you are scared to speak out and that is how an oppressive regime works.

But this...

Is a safe space.

It's very safe.

And I have a plan to depose Crickett.

Do you now?

I'd love to hear it.

Oops, someone forgot to lock the door.

Oh, my God.

Crickett, what a... surprise!

Ah!

We were just...

...Planning my party?

(sniffs)

Port Salut.

The cheese of rebels.

I presume you recognize this.

I do.

Lemon Breeland, I hereby accuse you of first-degree behavior unbecoming a Belle.

Treason.

(clears throat)

Per bylaw six...

"If you wish to remain a member, you must face the Sanctions of ReBellement."

(huffs)

That is all.

Lord have mercy.

(door closes)

Lavon: Cameron, Brick, must be nice to be together again.

So, what's the nightlife like around here?

Oh, I'm glad you asked.

Now, being a former pro athlete, I've seen your major cities.

But-but the appeal here...

Actually, I'd love Brick's take on this.

Brick?

Oh, well, we have great restaurants.

You know, there's Fancies, and-and the Rammer Jammer!

Oh, you remember the little place we used to go to in Tuscaloosa?

Remember they had those big scorpion bowls?

No, no, not really...

And I did that funny accent you loved.

The rain in "Shpain" drives me "inshane"

Remember? You'd pretend to muzzle me, and you'd be like, "No more accent.

Enough with the accent."

It was hilarious.

Know that I could expedite a liquor license for any stadium we build.

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage ending a little while back.

Must be tough to meet women in such a small town.

Um... I don't see any. Where are they?

It's Frank.

Uh, excuse me.

Yeah!

She's buying a scone...

No! It's a cruller.

Wait, wh-what's the difference again?

Brick: Yeah, Frank, I don't care what Zoe is eating.

Is she treating anyone medically?

Not yet, but here comes Sal.

Hey, Doc, my elbow hurts when I go like this.

He's saying his elbow hurts when he goes like that...

Ow!

Zoe's looking and...

Sorry, Sal.

I can't help you.

Damn it. So close.

Hold on. There's another trout sniffing the bait.

(sneezes)

Gesundheit!

I got it.

Zoe gave Shula a gesundheit.

I got one gesundheit on tape...

That cat is in the box.

Frank, she's allowed a gesundheit.

Just stay on her, and report back.

Ten-four. Mad Dog out.

H-Hi, that was a long phone call.

(laughs)

Hey! You looked like you were getting hungry following me around.

I'm going to the laundromat, then I'm heading home.

Tell Brick I said, "What up"!

Listen, I just wanted to say that I am gravely sorry for my behavior.

It was an uncharacteristic reaction to a perceived slight, and it won't happen again.

Well, I'm so happy to hear that, Lemon.

Also, I was hoping that you could lift the Sanctions of ReBellement.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Well, of course you can.

As our leader, it is both your right and your prerogative to lift them.

Then I guess what I mean is I don't want to.

Crickett?

What is going on with you?

We have history.

I was bridesmaid at your wedding.

You were bridesmaid at my near-wedding.

You wrote the sweetest toast that no one ever got to hear.

Listen, you are not the dictator type.

This is all those Baker sisters, isn't it?

Elodie and Tara Jane.

I don't know what you're insinuating...

Oh, come on.

They are whispering in your ear every step of the way.

Using you like... some puppet that kids love, but adults are very scared of.

You are wrong, Lemon.

You want to know the truth?

Everything I learned about leading the Belles, I learned from you.

Now, if you wish to perform the sanctions, your first act will be cleaning the graffiti off this wall.

And if not, you can leave the Belles.

It's your choice.

Oh, I'll perform the sanctions.

I'll perform them so well, they'll name them after me.

They'll call them the "Lemons."

You hear me?

The Lemons!

(stomps foot)

(door opens)

(grunts)

Holy mother of pearl!

Lynly, what the hell are you doing?!

Oh, my God, I don't know!

What do you mean you don't know?!

This always seems like a good idea when you see it in the movies, but...

What kind of movies are you watching?

I wanted to surprise you, but I-I couldn't decide between my sexy zippered dress or my sexy lingerie and now I know I chose wrong!

Okay, no, it wasn't just the wardrobe choice that was wrong.

It was the whole thing.

You need to get dressed.

I'm trying.

Could you turn around?

Oh, now we're being modest.

Yeah, sure.

But, Lynly, listen. even if I unintentionally gave you the signals that you should come over to my houseboat and lay down naked on my bed, which I didn't, you could not have picked a worse day to do this because Lavon is currently counting on me to get BlueBell...

What is taking so long?

The zipper's stuck.

It won't move.

Could you help me, please?

For the love of Pete.

Okay, it's just jammed a little bit.

I just got to get some leverage here.

Be careful.

Don't rip it.

All right, here we go.

(grunts)

One more time, okay.

(zips) Ow!

What? What happened?! Ow!

Ow, my hand is stuck!

Please stop moving, please stop moving.

Oh!

Oh, my God, is that blood?

(pained whimpering)

That looks like blood.

You need a doctor.

Yeah.

(breathing hard)

We'll call Brick.

No! No way!

Dr. Breeland's with Lavon today.

Okay, so we won't call Brick.

Come on.

Lynly, you need to come...

Oh.

Slowly...

(birds twittering)

(sighs)

I miss my reflex hammer!

(door opens)

How we doing?

Not good, Joel. Not good at all.

Would you feel better if I told you I brought take-out from Fancies?

No, I would not.

Would you feel better if I told you I bought us airline tickets to France?

Did you?

No. But I could.

I feel like my brain is on house arrest.

This is why the caged bird sings.

Can I say one thing without you wanting to throw a fork in my face?

Probably not.

Look...

20 miles isn't all that far.

There are other small towns around here that need doctors...

What?! No! I'm not actually a small-town doctor.

I moved back here to be BlueBell's doctor.

This town, these patients.

And now, I'm back in BlueBell, and I can't practice.

I'm like a ship without a port.

A man without a country.

I was just trying to help.

I know...

But unless you can find a time machine, and go back to yesterday and not run into Brick...

(phone rings)

(sighs)

George?

You are the last person I thought I would be calling, but I need a doctor, and it can't be Brick.

Oh, uh, yeah, I'll be right there.

I have to go.

Do you want me to come with you?

Are you a trained physician?

All right.

If anyone asks, you have no idea where I am.

Emotionally?

'Cause that's true.

Shut up.

Yeah.

(clattering)

Ow.

(phone rings)

Yo, Healer Previously Known As Doc.

Wade, I'm only calling you 'cause this falls into your skill set.

I need to treat George.

Can you help get Frank off my ass?

Done.

(ringtone song playing)

Dixie Stop Investigations.

Hey, Frank. A mob of hooligans said they were gonna loot the Dixie Stop 'cause no one's minding the store.

What? I locked up.

Mm, you still keep that spare key under the fake rock out front?

You think they know?

Frank, everyone knows.

Zoe? Zoe?

Uh, listen.

Uh, I'm not following you or anything, but could you maybe do me a favor and-and stay put for the next 20 minutes or so?

No problem, Frank.

(laughs) Thanks.

Lemon?

Oh, no, Zoe Hart, you have seen nothing here.

Just move along.

Too late.

Can't wipe the image from my brain.

What are you, reenacting a scene from Annie?

Oh, you'd be a better Ms. Hannigan.

Okay.

Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand little things like history, or legacy or tradition.

Tradition? Wrong show.

That's Fiddler on the Roof.

Don't you have somewhere else to be?

Lemon, just remember.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

George: How about the...? Aah! No, no, no! Ooh! Oh!

Whoa.

Uh...

We were studying for the LSATs.

Of course you were.

Hold on.

That's exactly what this looks like.

Now, I take it now's not a good time to talk about that whole non-compete clause?

Doesn't it preclude this sort of thing?

Okay, if you could do me a favor and get all your wise-ass remarks out of the way quickly, because this really hurts.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I've seen this sort of thing before.

(George sighs) Usually it's not a hand, so, silver lining.

(laughs)

Let me...

Ow! What are you doing?

Well, I have to get the zipper teeth out of your skin.

I can take you to the hospital.

No! - No one can know!

Absolutely not.

(phone ringing)

Okay, that is Lavon.

I have to get that.

Nobody say anything.

(grunts softly)

Lynly... come on.

Want to know what I did for my 50th?

I got a tattoo.

Want to guess what kind?

Uh, uh, no, no, I do not, actually.

Do you want to guess where I put it?

Still no.

You want to be surprised. I get it.

Ah.

Uh, what does that mean, you're not going to make it? You have to.

I'm very sorry, Lavon, but I have a bit of a personal emergency right now.

I am... stuck.

Well, for how long?

I don't know. A couple hours.

I...

(quiet, high-pitched shriek)

...will call you back as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you, Lavon.

Bye-bye.

Holy mother of mothers! What are you doing?!

I am trying to unzip you, George.

Hold still.

Does blood come out of spandex?

Want to know what I'm doing for my next birthday? (coughs)

Excuse me. Now, Brick, can I talk to you a minute?

Uh, yes.

I'll order your dessert, Brick.

You still like sherbet?

I have had about enough of that wackadoo.

And that is a doctor's term.

No.

You can't leave until George gets here with the presentation.

We have to stall her.

Now, in case you haven't noticed, she is into the town of BlueBell...

Or at least certain individuals that reside here.

Mayor Hayes, I am profoundly uncomfortable being used this way.

I've seen you pitch.

And I don't think it's unrealistic to imagine a future where you, Brick Breeland, take the mound as that older relief pitcher for the BlueBell Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackeral, Mackerals.

(crowd cheering, organ music playing)

Now, y-you never had your sh*t.

But you'll win the big game with your slider.

(bat hits ball, crowd cheering)

Oh.

Disney would make a movie out of that.

Yeah, fine, fine, I'll...

I'll stay through dessert.

Okay, good, and could you maybe laugh at a couple of her jokes?

Or not.

Are you sure you know what you're doing right now?

Well, I can call Brick. I'm sure he's got actual anesthetic.

No, please don't.

All right.

I have removed everything that I can.

It is time to unzip the zipper. You ready?

(exhales)

Yes. Oh, God, is it gonna hurt?

Did you really just ask that question?

You think this is gonna hurt you?

You're not gonna feel a thing.

I'm sorry. I was asking about you.

Well, in that case, yes! It's going to hurt me a lot!

George, knock it off.

You're making her upset, which is going to make this impossible to do without slicing off one of your fingers.

You know, there is something seriously wrong with this girl.

I have told you I'm sorry I don't know how many times.

I have a history of choosing terrible men, and...

I think when I finally found a good one, I overcompensated and went a little nuts.

I am sorry.

I don't know.

Sounds like a pretty good explanation to me.

Oh!

Ow!

I have to go.

(George groans)

Oh.

Oh. Ugh.

(whispers): You're welcome.

You know, if, uh, our team were to settle in BlueBell, we could eat sherbet like this every night.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Uh-huh!

I hear coconut tastes especially good off the skin.

Dr. Breeland, it's an emergency.

Zoe Hart's gone missing.

Well, Frank, you were supposed to follow her.

Not now, Frank.

She ditched me.

I think maybe she's been trained in counterespionage techniques.

Is there a problem?

Frank: Last I saw, she was walking through town square, carrying a bag that may or may not have contained hidden doctoring equipment.

Damn it.

Whoa, Brick.

We are right in the middle of entertaining our guest here.

Um, you'll have to excuse me.

Yeah, don't mind me.

Just a thirsty patron here slowly dying of dehydration.

Shakespeare.

What can I get for you?

Just a beer.

Do you have something imported?

Whoa, imported.

Well, I'd have to check.

Might have a six-pack of something or other that Wally brought down to Mexico, didn't drink, and brought back.

That work for you?

Come on, nothing?

You... all right?

I'm, uh... I'm not sure.

The, uh... the rules of this place are... proving to be a little hard to grasp.

The rules of this place, or the rules of your girlfriend?

I recognize that look you got on your face.

Hell, I've worn it myself, amigo.

That is a Zoe Hart original.

Tell me I'm wrong.

Lavon: Hey.

Heads up. If either of y'all know where Zoe is, you might want to tell her that Brick's looking for her, and he's pissed.

All right.

Hey, Imported Beer, I know what to do.

You're coming with me.

Let's go.

WADE All right.

He's going in there, he's going to call everyone in town till he finds her.

We just need to keep him busy long enough for Zoe to fix George.

How good an actor are you?

Why?

Well, we need to fake a medical emergency.

So, your appendix just exploded, you're in incredible pain. Go.

Uh... uh...

Oh! Oh! Oh, my... uh, my stomach!

Uh, it's like someone, uh, took a red hot fork and just dug it into the right side of my abdomen.

Oh, God... oh, please, God make it stop!

Huh. "Please, God, make it stop" is right.

Yeah, okay, fine, I'm a lousy actor.

That's why I write.

Plan B, we, uh...

We try and wait him out, hope we can get lucky.

No.

No, if-if this is what it takes to save Zoe, then I'll-I'll sell it.

I'll, uh... I'll-I'll go method.

Here. Hit me in the gut.

What?

No, I'm not...

I'm not gonna punch you, fool.

What, are you, uh... what are you scared? I mean, what are you... are you sensitive?

You afraid I'll see you...

(high-pitched voice): ...hit like a little girl?

(laughs)

(grunts) Oh!

Oh.

(strains): Yeah, that's good.

Uh, Doctor?

Stomach...

Feels like... I swallowed a log, and someone set it on fire.

You-you're not faking this in order to distract me so I don't go looking for your girlfriend, are you?

I think I'm gonna vomit.

Uh... get you in here in the exam room.

(Joel groans)

Thank you.

He's not coming back, is he?

Brick? I'm sure he, uh, came across a doctor emergency.

You know, knowing him, he can't wait to get right back here to you.

(chuckles) Yeah.

Well, I got places I need to go.

Well, would you at least like to see the site where we'd like to put the stadium?

You know, this is just like summer after freshman year.

I thought Brick and I were gonna drive cross-country, but I never heard from him.

My bags were all packed.

Why don't you tell Dr. Breeland I will be unfriending him on Facebook?

Good day, Mayor.

Interesting.

No, I don't want to hear it, okay?

I didn't say anything.

I already know what you're gonna say.

"Lemon, why are you humiliating yourself for such an archaic organization?"

"Why do you even care what the Belles think?"

"Friends who treat friends like that aren't even friends at all."

Maybe. Or maybe I was just gonna say it's a shame I never see you sweep the Rammer Jammer.

Also, you missed a spot.

(groans softly)

Before I finish, let's talk about that non-compete clause.

You wrote it, so you must know a way around it.

What if I only practice on weekends?

Or get paid in Euros?

(chuckles) Zoe, are you saying that you're not gonna finish stitching me up unless I tell you how to break the non-compete?

You can't pull off that kind of hardball.

Stupid Hippocratic oath.

(chuckles)

Look, the truth is, there is no way around the non-compete.

And I don't think Brick is 100% wrong for wanting to enforce it.

You know I'm holding a needle above your pasty flesh.

Look, you-you skipped town for five months without giving him so much as a word of warning, all right?

When his last partner left, it put him in a pretty deep funk, too.

His last partner? You mean Harley Wilkes, my father?

He didn't leave. He d*ed.

Exactly.

And I don't think that Brick ever really forgave him for that.

(knocking)

Yeah?

(clears throat)

You win.

You caught me. I am guilty of practicing medicine in BlueBell, so here you go.

A check for $350,000?

Yeah, you might want to wait to cash that for about, uh, ten, 15 years, but I am done fighting with you.

I'm done trying to get you to take me back.

Well, okay.

Good luck to you then.

Okay.

(clears throat) Before I go, you should know that when I went to New York, I didn't realize how much I was gonna miss being a doctor here.

And that working in this office that was my father's with a guy who became sort of a partner, sort of a mentor, someone who was... family-adjacent.

Oh, Zoe...

Look, I'm just, I'm sorry, you know, for abandoning you for my own stupid reasons.

I'm sorry that you are this perpetually crabby jerk now.

Which you kind of were a little bit before, but only around me.

So if it's my fault that you've kind of taken that full-on now, I apologize.

It is not your fault, Zoe.

It's everything.

I went off to marry Shelby, I came back alone. And then you weren't here.

And then Magnolia, she left.

And my world, it's just sort of getting smaller and smaller, and then, yeah, I guess I did start feeling sorry for myself, and pretty soon that's all I did.

And yeah, being overworked didn't help.

That part, that was my fault.

But look, I do have a plan to turn this around, though.

Uh, I am gonna hire somebody.

Not a partner, but an associate.

Somebody who is working for me, and could maybe work their way up.

Earn their place here.

You wouldn't know anybody who'd be interested in that position, would you?

(both chuckle)

Wow, you even got all the gum off the pavement.

That gum's been there for ten years.

How'd you do it?

Turpentine and a toothbrush.

Tara Jane: And you painted the gazebo, and pressure-washed the church steps, and nobody helped you?

That's right.

And I can't wait for y'all to see how I got the graffiti off the wall behind the Dixie Stop.

I don't understand.

Oh, well, which part?

I made sure to use very small words.

As I was removing my 23rd piece of gum from the sidewalk, I realized, you know, I don't have any interest in being part of an organization that would ask me to remove gum from the sidewalk.

Lemon, it's in the bylaws.

Yeah, well, you know what you can do with those bylaws?

Or do I have to spell that out on the wall for you, too?

Crickett, Elodie, Tara Jane, I quit, too. Hold up, Lemon.

A.B., you didn't have to do that.

I know I didn't, but I loved it. (laughs)

I was going over the numbers in my head.

We just bought ourselves ten extra hours a week.

What are we gonna do with all that time?

I say we start by getting a drink.

To the Resistance! To the Resistance!

(playing rock music)

♪ I put in the pictures ♪
♪ You put in the time ♪
♪ You put all those memories so deep inside my mind ♪
♪ Now the wind, yes, the wind keeps pushing you and me ♪
♪ Time in time, I know when it's time to leave ♪

Yeah!

♪ And the memories we made... ♪

Oh, hey there, doc... umentary watcher.

You can go back to calling me Doc.

Good news, Brick and I reached an agreement.

Well, congratulations.

Bad news, I lost my boyfriend.

I suspect he's on his way back to New York out of fear that I might m*rder him.

Oh, knock it off. You know he hasn't.

Even though he'd be right to do so.

Why are you taking his side?

Do you know that he picked a fight with Brick?

Yean, and you did far stupider things when you first got here.

Got George Tucker run over, you ruined a town parade, shorted out half the fuses in town.

And that was in your first week.

How is it that you drink so much, yet you forget nothing?

(chuckles) Maybe just take it easy on the guy.

After all, he did take a punch in the gut for you today.

What? Who punched him?!

You can ask him yourself.

And he'll probably say it was me, but just know it's complicated.

(groans)

How are we feeling?

Are you allowed to ask me at?

Oh, I am now.

I got my job back.

Oh, good, 'cause I'm gonna need a bunch of house calls.

I feel like I got run over by a truck.

Please don't tell Wade that.

It'll just go to his head.

Oh, you heard.

Did you really take a punch for me?

Not just a punch. I had, like, a gallon of blood drawn, a CT scan, endoscopy.

Brick was ready to stick a tube in me to drain an abscess before I feigned complete recovery.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before.

Uh, everything hurts.

Why would you do that?

Well, I guess I figured it was the, um...

Southern way.

Or the BlueBell way, or... something.

Was I close?

Would it hurt if I kissed you right now?

Undoubtedly, but you should go ahead and do it... I can take it.

♪
♪ She picked me up ♪
♪ My friend ♪
♪ My friend. ♪