03x17 - Flirty Dancing

[bunniefuu]

Yo!

What are you guys doing? That's Emma's food.

Well, there's nothing left in the fridge.

And we're only eating the stuff she makes faces at.

Yeah.

I mean, plus, we're just, you know, we're just too lazy to chew, so.

Knock knock!

Oh my God, you guys are never gonna believe what I have.

Donuts? Please say donuts.

No, they're the time capsules we made in Ms. Birdsong's fifth grade English class.

Yep, they're filled with our hopes and dreams.

Ho ho ho! I loved Ms. Birdsong.

She was always so full of life.

What's she up to now?

Well, she's dead.

So, not a lot.

Oh, this is so cool!

My old walkie-talkie.

I wanted to be able to talk to myself in the future.

Ha-ha, she made us include a picture of the person we hoped to marry someday.

Jody, Judy, Allison, Cory.

Hey, I didn't know who was gonna grow up to be hot.

(Mouths)

Well, mine... uh, no shock to anyone... was you.

Never too late to make your dreams come true.

Well, that dream, like Ms. Birdsong...

Is dead.

Hey! My list of goals!

Number one on the list: "Become a professional hockey player."

Yeah! Way to go me!

All right, mine says, "go to law school And become a lawyer." Uh, hello, dream. Meet Riley.

"have my own apartment." Done.

"Get married and have two boys..."

What does yours say, Ben?

"Knock up a stranger and have a child out of wedlock." (Chuckles)

I didn't really do any of the stuff on my list.

Space camp... no. College... no.

In fact, I didn't even finish my list.

Man, I wish I could go back in time and tell my old self to get his act together.

Oh.

Wanna borrow my walkie-talkie?

(Theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
♪ can take your life and change direction. ♪

I can't believe I'm such a loser.

I never even finished that stupid box.

Dude, it's kind of a metaphor for your life.

What are you talking about?

Oh, a metaphor? It's a figure of speech, in which a word or a phrase...

I know what a metaphor is.

More or less.

You know what? You're right.

I'm a father now. I gotta set some new goals.

Yeah, for once in my life, I'm gonna finish something that I started.

That's great. What are you thinking?

Go to college? Start your own business?

Finish pouring me that beer?

Oh, hey boys.

Ben and Danny: Hey.

Apparently, you are still alive.

My phone would say otherwise.

That!

I'm gonna finish that.

Are you sure you don't wanna at least try junior college?

Look, I like Georgie, and I think Georgie likes me too.

I guess a girl goal is better than no goal.

Oh, you know what you should do?

Not take relationship advice from a guy who calls his ex-girlfriend from a blocked number just to hear her voice?

Way ahead of you, bro.

I don't do that anymore. Amy and I are friends now.

Oh, then you should totally say hi to your friend who just walked in.

What's up, Amy?

What? Amy's here? Now?

Tell her you haven't seen me. I'm not ready to be friends.

(Laughing) Okay, relax.

She's not here.

But I will tell you who is.

The future Mrs. Ben Wheeler.

But if she wants to use her last name, that's totally cool too.

Wait, what is her last name?

What are you doing?

I'm gonna contact Danny, and pretend I'm him from the past.

(Static crackles)

Future Danny, this is past Danny, over.

One day you will meet a man named Tucker.

Do everything he tells you.

Give me that.

Hey, past Riley, this is future Riley.

Don't waste your youth on Ben Wheeler!

Your youth? Please.

Call me after you pluck your first gray hair.

And it's not from your head.

Trust me, Riley. You're fine.

No.

No, I am not fine. All right?

I picked the wrong future someone.

God, why does love hate me when I love love so much?!

Well, why don't you dump fifth-grade Riley, and start dating grown-up Riley?

Find out what she likes.

Then you can make a new list.

A you list.

Oh!

Date myself.

Yeah.

Ooh, I like that.

Yeah.

You just need to get out there and find out who you are.

You know, right now, I am taking this great dance class.

I actually found it by mistake.

I was super hungry and I saw this place called the salsa house.

Hey, guys.

You would not believe who I just talked to.

(Mouths)

Danny: So remember, Emma, the guy always leads.

And if his hand slips any lower than your back, call me and I'll break it.

(Chuckling)

Just in time for the big finish, whoo.

Ahh!

(Ben and Georgie laughing, clapping)

She is just the cutest thing ever.

Oh, thanks.

If you like her, I can show you how I made her.

Now my next goal is putting her to bed.

Because I am just accomplishing goals all over the place.

So, you and Ben, huh?

You kids have fun tonight?

Yeah, but it was just a first date, so we'll see where it goes.

Well, my guess is up to the roof to look at the stars.

That's where he usually tries to close.

(Chuckles)

Well, who knows?

Sometimes you know right away.

Oh, you have an eyelash.

Sometimes it doesn't take more than a look.

You're right.

Sometimes it doesn't.

Make a wish.

And we're back. All good?

Um, great, fine! Yeah.

So it's two, three, cha cha cha.

Two, three, cha cha cha.

Two, three, nah nah nah.

Two, three, cha cha cha.

I'm just trying to feel the music.

Well, that's not where I keep it.

Okay, everyone, take five.

Take five, guys. Take five.

Mrs. Wheeler! Hi!

Oh my gosh. I was afraid I hadn't found the right place.

What? No. No. Wrong place.

I said date you, not date me.

Now we're on a double date.

And you're not my type.

All that stuff you said about what I should do with me.

It turns out me just like really wanted to go dancing.

Oh, hey, guys. Just got out of tap class.

(Laughing)

Bring in da noise, bring in da Tuck.

(Chuckling) Okay.

And bring in da ladies.

Oh, especially that one.

Hey hey...

What is wrong with the two of you?

If you wanna find yourself, do it at the adult learning annex with the other losers.

Mrs. Wheeler, this is really important to me.

All right, don't worry.

You won't even know I'm here.

Well, hello.

Hi.

I'm Vladimir.

Let me show you around.

Oh.

Mm.

Okay.

Better watch out, Riley.

He can get pretty handsy.

(Sighs) Look, I know you're all gung-ho about making Georgie your goal-friend, but are you sure showing up uninvited to her job is really the right way to go?

Danny, speaking as a goal-getter, I know what I'm doing, okay?

Girls love surprises.

Oh, there she is.

There you are. Where have you been?

Uh... great, you don't even speak English.

Let's go. Go go go.

Surprise!

Ben.

What are you doing here?

In honor of your very first photo sh**t, I have brought you some lunch.

Well, maybe you can put it there, next to all the food.

This is very sweet, but you can't be here.

Don't worry, okay? I promise I won't get in the way, okay?

Starting now.

Ben, please, you have to get out of here.

Danny?!

Oh my God. What are you doing?

He's not a model.

You're not a model?

I'm not a model.

I need a model.

Well, the model's late.

I hate models.

First your crazy brother, now this.

This day is a complete disaster!

Well, I could do it.

I mean, I'm already in costume.

Plus, the photographer said to just think about nothing.

I was planning on doing that today, anyway.

You'd do that?

Thank you, Danny.

But don't be mad at Ben.

He really likes you.

When he really likes something, well, this happens.

Which is quite flattering, but, to be honest...

I don't think Ben's the one for me.

He's a bit of a boy.

I'm looking for a man.

Danny, um, I've never done this before.

A photoshoot? Yeah, I can kinda tell.

No.

Asked a man out.

Would you like to go out with me?

Hey, Vladimir.

I think I pulled a muscle, and I was just wondering if maybe you could help me stretch it.

I think it's my cuteius-Maximus.

Okay!

So, if I could get everyone's attention.

We are going to be having a little charity dance competition.

(Students cheering)

Oh my God, fun! Uh, perfect way to top off my new list.

With a trophy.

Oh, there is a trophy, right?

Okay.

Hey hey!

This is my barre, my dance floor and my trophy, okay? So why don't you just tap away?!

(Quietly) Tap tap.

Okay...

Please find a partner and sign up in the gift shop, next to my new DVD...

(Gasps) Oh, God.

"Not your momma's mambo."

Partner...

Partner partner...

Tucker. Tucker!

Tucker Tucker Tucker!

Both: Tucker Tucker! Tucker Tucker!

Dibs dibs dibs!

Tucker!

He's mine.

Actually, you know, I think I'm gonna pass.

I already have a partner.

You know, I don't know what it is...

Katrinka and I just fit so perfectly together.

Oh, you should ask Vlad.

Oh my God. Vladimir, yes!

Oh.

I guess you should have been rushin' if you wanted the Russian.

(Mouthing)

Oh my God.

Why does dancing hate me when I love dancing so much?

Okay, here's a surprise.

Girls actually hate surprises.

Is it over with Georgie? Did she cut it off?

Did she already ask someone else out who said no?

You should totally just move on, bro.

Or maybe I could just figure out what she actually does like.

Wheeler, I need you. All right?

I need you to help me win a dance competition.

Ooh, I'm not a very good dancer.

Yeah, I know.

I was actually asking your brother.

Oh my God, dancing. That's perfect.

Georgie would like that.

All girls!

All girls like dancing!

Think of all the girls you can meet dancing.

Danny, I already have a girl.

Do you?

Does anybody really ever have anybody?

I mean, look at me.

One day I had Amy, one day I didn't.

The world is so cruel.

Tell me!

God, leave me alone!

I am not divulging my routine.

Oh, I know that you are planning an illegal lift.

And I'm here to tell you she's too top-heavy.

You will never make it!

You should do it, Ben.

This whole Georgie thing will work itself out.

Or end, whatever.

Okay, here you go! One beer.

If you need anything else, I'll be in my room.

That's just information, not an invitation.

Danny, you're safe.

I promise to behave myself until Ben gets home.

So, how was the photo sh**t?

And I lied. What do you think about us?

(Exhales) Georgie, there is no us.

I told you that I can't go out with you as long as there's something between you and my brother.

Which is why I'm here.

To tell him that he's not the one for me.

But Ben really likes you.

And what about you, Danny?

Do you like me?

Tell me you don't, and I'll go.

I don't.

Did you hear something?

Not a thing.

Hey, bro. Just got your text. What's going on?

Oh, nothing. I just got this sh**ting pain in my back.

Kinda feels like a Kn*fe.

Is there a problem?

Oh, no. No problem.

Georgie's coming by. She wants to talk.

And we all know what that means.

What, here? Now? I should probably go.

Oh, no no no no no. I want you right by my side if she crushes my heart.

You're my brother. You always got my back.

Ooh, there's that pain again.

Oh, Danny, hi.

I didn't know you'd be here.

Well, we all know that Danny. He gets around.

(Chuckles)

So, Georgie, what'd you wanna talk about?

All right. Well, um... no, I need to do this. Ben... oh, hi, Amy.

Yeah, right.

I fell for that one once.

Danny?

Amy?

Huh!

Suddenly my back feels way better.

Hey, Ben. It's me again.

Hoping you're on your way.

Please tell me I didn't bedazzle my underwear for nothing.

Okay, bye.

Ooh, yeah.

Ooh, yeah.

Yeah, I stretched that one all the way back to my teens.

Which is pretty much the last time I lost anything.

Bonnie, I have terrible news.

(Bonnie gasps) No!

Mm-hmm, yeah.

I... I slipped getting out of the hot tub.

You can fake it, can't you?

My gay ex-husband did for years.

Huh huh? Please.

Aww.

So sad, too bad.

Looks like you're gonna have to forfeit.

Oh, I just feel so awful.

Really?

(Laughs loudly)

No, I don't! (Laughing)

(Cellphone buzzes)

(Beeps)

No!

Oh my God.

Katrinka has the flu.

(Gasps) Aww.

How could she do this to me?

Well, you know what they say.

Uh, it takes two to tango.

Or mambo or any other dance that you can't do, 'cause you don't have a partner.

Ka-bam!

I'm sorry, I'm trying to trash talk.

I'm just not very good at it.

All right, fine. All right?

But we're doing my routine.

Okay.

Hey, looks like the competition is back on.

Yeah.

Let's do this, tiny dancer.

Oh.

(Grunting)

I am so glad this isn't weird.

I was just so happy when Ben called and said you wanted to talk because I have wanted to talk to you too.

Ben called?

Yes. What?

No, I didn't... I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Ben who?

Excuse me. There's an ass in there I need to kick.

Danny, wait!

For a therapist, I really should be better with secrets.

What in the hell is the matter with you?

Why would you do this?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I just thought you missed having a girlfriend since you were spending so much time hitting on mine.

I didn't hit on her.

And for the record, I'm actually not your girlfriend.

Not since you kissed my brother, you're not.

So, I'm a little unclear as to why I'm here.

Let me tell you why.

Because my stupid brother thought seeing my ex-girlfriend would make me break down or fall all over her, and ruin any sh*t I had with Georgie.

Oh, good, you got it.

You can be a little slow.

Oh, so you two are a couple?

Well, we're trying to be.

You know what? That's fine with me.

Because you two lying, backstabbing, no-lunch-eating, fire-escape-kissing cheaters deserve each other!

Well, I'm not walking away from another woman I care about once again just to spare your feelings!

What do you mean, "once again"?!

And I think we're back to why I left the first time.

You don't care about anyone else's feelings but your own.

You are selfish and immature and it's not a surprise to anyone that you didn't accomplish anything on your list!

Oh, yeah? Well, you're the worst brother in the world.

You're the one who told me to go out for Georgie in the first place.

No, I didn't. That was your own dumb idea.

But of course you couldn't make it work.

You don't even care about Georgie.

She's just a goal to you.

But she's a person to me.

This might be a good time to mention that I'm engaged.

I mean, I know that it just sounds like I'm saying that to save face, but I actually am.

(Chuckles) He's a dentist.

I don't even know what to say to you.

I think you've said enough.

No, not enough.

(Sighs) I'm an idiot.

If you wanna go out with Georgie, then you should go out with Georgie.

Danny, I'm sorry.

I just wish you could have told me how you felt about each other, and not danced around the whole... danced around?

Oh my God, Riley!

Amy, Georgie. Georgie, Amy.

We used to date.

Yeah, I kinda got that.

(Singing in Spanish)

(Salsa music playing)

(Music stops)

You think anybody noticed?

Hell no, we were awesome.

Yeah, we were.

(Mouthing)

So, looks like your partner's no-show.

Yeah.

Well, I can suit up and join you.

Uh, what happened to your ankle?

I don't know. Suddenly it's feeling more better.

Okay.

Oh, am I too late, Riley? I'm so sorry.

I just got caught up in this... well, it doesn't matter. I'm here.

Uh-huh, unfortunately, I am her partner now.

(Sighs) You sure?

For once I just really wanna finish what I started.

Yeah, but if you dance with me, you're guaranteed to win.

I... I am so sorry.

And, um...

You dropped a button.

(Tango music playing)

We're pretty good together.

I'm starting to believe that.

Tucker, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you've agreed to come work with me.

Oh, well, you know I respect a man who knows his limitations.

I must warn you that these girls can get a little crazy.

Well, you know me... the crazier, the better.

Then you'll be perfect. Have a good class.

Thanks, man. (Chuckles)

Whoo.

(Piano music playing)

(Shoes tapping)

(Girls giggling) No-o-o-o!