01x06 - Walking the Dog

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on

Devious Maids...

We can prove Flora Hernandez found out she was pregnant just before she was m*rder*d, and my client wasn't the father.

Mom, it's me.

I remembered something.

Of course he will pay, because it's on video.

We need to find a way to stay together for Tucker's sake.

And if that means changing the rules of our relationship, I'm willing to consider it.

Last night Spence told me he was willing to have an open marriage.

When a man starts talking about having an open marriage, it's not because he wants his wife to have a good time.

Your husband's having an affair.

Do you see that man out there?

Yeah. Who is he?

My husband.

You're going with me.

No, I'm not.

Oscar, no! Aah!

(Smack)

(Grunts)

I saw the way you fought for me, Sam, but the thing is...

You don't want a relationship.

No.

What kind of fun did you have in mind?

I... haven't done that in a while.

You owe me.

This new therapist is a genius.

He could tell that I needed to be on mood stabilizers within five minutes of meeting me.

It took him that long?

It's not the end of the world.

(Voice breaks) It is! It absolutely is!

So stop trying to cheer me up!

Did something happen at Armani?

She couldn't fit into the dress she wanted.

And then the salesgirl called me fat.

She said you were a size 2.

It's the same thing!

She used to be a size zero.

But years of Mexican cooking have d*sfigured me.

If you insult my cooking one more time, you'll know what it means to be d*sfigured by a Mexican.

Um, can I, um, talk to you guys about something?

Not now, dear.

(Sniffles)

I'm going upstairs and take some aspirin and lay down.

After I've gotten up and purged the aspirin, we can chat.

But this can't wait.

There's a problem with the gardeners.

What sort of problem?

They're refusing to work until they get paid.

I wrote them a check on Monday.

It bounced.

Bounced?

And I just got a call from our pool guy.

His check bounced, too.

Mrs. Delatour, I think we better call your business manager.

I'm calling for Genevieve Delatour.

She needs to speak with Myron Moyer immediately.

There seems to be some problem with her account.

There's no need to worry, darling.

Myron's been taking care of my money for years.

He'll figure this out.

What do you mean you can't find him?

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God"?

Why are you saying "Oh, my God"?

Yes. Um...

I'll tell her.

(Telephone beeps)

Zoila, what?

What's happening?

(Receiver clatters)

Your business manager has disappeared and taken all of your money with him.

Honey, I'm sorry, but because you gave Myron control over everything, you now don't have a cent to your name.

Mrs. Delatour?

Then I was right.

It is the end of the world.

1x06

Walking the Dog (Humming)

(Dishes clattering)

Hello?

Aah!

(Sighs) You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.

It's very, very rude.

(Scoffs) You know what else is rude?

Breaking into people's homes.

Excuse me.

I knocked, and that cute black guy said I could borrow some eggs.

But... you don't have any.

That's because the sexy brown girl hasn't gone to the store yet.

Who are you?

I'm Julie. I work next door, for the Higgins.

Oh. Right.

I heard they hired a cook.

Actually, I'm a chef.

What's the difference?

$60,000 in tuition.

And a hat.

I studied at the Cordon Bleu in Paris.

Fancy.

So where am I gonna get some eggs?

Did the Cordon Bleu not teach you about supermarkets?

(Laughs) You're funny.

Sort of.

Uh, the problem is, I don't have a car.

Do you have a car?

Why?

I was thinking you could drive me.

Ah!

(Laughing)

Now you're funny.

Sort of.

Hey, Carmen.

I see you've met Julie.

Yes. Yes. I was just saying, "Welcome to the neighborhood."

And good-bye.

I'm not new to the neighborhood.

I-I used to work for Barbara Crump over on Canon, but I had to quit.

She got got a rottweiler, and I'm allergic to dogs.

And I told her she would have to choose.

Can you believe she chose a rottweiler over me?

(Scoffs)

Don't let me answer that.

So, uh, Julie, uh, do we have any eggs?

No.

(Clicks tongue)

Somebody forgot to go to the store.

Well...

How about I run you over there myself?

Ah! Thank you so much.

You are so sweet.

Uh, I'm gonna just run next door and grab my wallet.

Okay?

(Exhales)

(Lowered voice) So...

What do you think?

Of what?

Of Julie.

She's cute, right?

I think I'm gonna ask her out.

(Snaps fingers)

(Moaning and panting)

(Panting) Oh, God.

Don't say that.

What?

You took the lord's name in vain. It's not right.

What should I say?

(Panting)

You can say...

"Goodness"!

(Exhales) After what we just did...

I know.

...that doesn't seem right either.

But it was good, wasn't it?

Ohh, it was great.

What about you?

How do you feel?

I'm... happy.

You sound surprised.

After Ernesto d*ed, I was so sad.

Then I had to leave my son to come here.

I cried every night.

After a while, I started to think, if I wasn't crying, I was happy, 'cause I forgot what real happiness feels like.

I'm happy, too.

Mmm, what are you doing?

Come on, Rosie.

Just a little more happiness.

(Kissing) But I got dishes to wash and floors to mop.

(Inhales deeply) And...

Oh, God!

(Gasps)

The good news is we've found Myron.

(Zoila) Oh, thank God.

The bad news is he's in Brunei.

(Remi) Why is that bad?

We don't have an extradition treaty with Brunei.

So the police can't arrest him?

No. No, Myron Moyer can spend every cent of Genevieve's money, and no one can touch him.

Well, what can we do?

(Sighs)

Hey there, Genevieve.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Of course, Michael.

You look very dashing today.

Thanks.

Um, m-my law firm is working with Interpol to try and get your money back.

But... (clear throat) it doesn't look good.

Um... And we think you may want to sell this house.

But where would Remi and I live?

Fancy apartment?

A nice condo?

"Minium"?

Mm.

No.

I like it here.

But you can't afford the mortgage now.

This is America.

We have safety nets.

Surely there must be some entitlement program that will help me pay for my mansion.

Well, you'd think so, but most government aid only goes to poor people.

That's not fair.

They don't have the same expenses rich people do.

That's why people choose to be poor in the first place.

There's no overhead.

Mom, where are you going?

This man has given me stress, so I'm going to the spa to have Hans b*at me with reeds until it goes away.

That's my point, Genevieve.

You can no longer afford the spa.

You can't even afford the reeds.

Hopefully, my relationship with Hans is strong enough that he'll agree to b*at me for free.

Why don't I just give her some of the money from my trust fund?

That should cheer her up.

Actually, about your trust fund...

It's gone, too?

I'm so sorry, Remi.

(Door opens)

Ida, it's Marisol.

Did you get my message?

(Ida) I did. You said Eddie remembered something.

Yes. He once heard Flora talking about a DVD.

What kind of DVD?

I'm not sure, but she was using it to blackmail somebody.

Where do you think she kept it?

It's got to be somewhere in the Powell house.

It's got to be.

(Remote clicks)

(Remote clicks)

(Evelyn) Marisol?

Have you seen my Birkin bag?

It's right over there.

I'm meeting my friend Genevieve at the spa.

The poor thing is having horrible financial troubles, and I want to make sure that she knows that I am not.

Is everything okay?

Everything's fine.

I'm gonna go finish my ironing.

(Hangers clatter) Rosie!

What's wrong?

My silk top isn't here.

That's because I didn't pick up the dry cleaning yet.

I have to look spectacular today.

Billy Bush is interviewing me, and the last thing I wanna do is give that bitch a*mo.

I'm sorry.

I got a late start.

Why do I have so much Donna Karan?

How many funerals can I go to?

This one's nice.

Whatever. Help me get ready.

You know, Rosie, the house has been a mess lately.

I'm starting to think you don't like your job.

No, no. I like it very much.

You should.

You don't have to work for boring people.

Spence and I are celebrities.

Yes.

My job is very exciting.

So let's step it up a notch.

No more dirty dishes in the sink.

No more dust on the shelves.

I'll do better. I promise.

I hope so.

From what I can see, all you've done all morning is wash my sheets.

(Knock on door)

Hi.

Brought you a little treat to cheer you up.

Cheer me up?

No, I'm good. I'm good.

I'm... I'm great, actually.

Really? 'Cause with everything that's going on with your mom and the money...

I know, right?

I mean, usually you hear your trust fund's gone, your freak out, but I'm thinking this could be the best thing that's ever happened to this family.

Really?

Yeah!

I mean, we'll move into a smaller house, where we can talk and hang out and... and really connect, you know?

Maybe we'll move into a tent.

Have you ever been camping?

Uh... no.

Shut up!

We are going camping.

You're... taking this really well.

Well, there's no other way to take it, girl.

There's no other way to be.

Okay, well, I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you need to talk or anything.

I so appreciate that.

But like I said, I'm... I'm good.

I'm really, really excellent.

Marisol had a nasty little shock today.

Did she?

I believe she happened upon one of your nauseating DVDs.

Which one?

This exercise in voyeurism featured the Stappords.

Did Marisol say anything?

Mnh-mnh.

But she was hiding it when I walked in the room.

She was clearly mortified.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Marisol has an agenda.

We've known this for a while.

Maybe she was searching for it.

Why would she do that?

So she could use it against me.

I think it's time to fire Marisol.

I also have an agenda, Adrian.

Mine is to not do housework.

We can hire someone else.

I finally have a maid who can cook and conjugate English verbs.

If you think I'm letting her go, you're crazy.

She wanders around this house without any supervision.

What happens if she stumbles onto my collection?

Well...

First, she'll wanna wash her hands.

Pay attention, darling.

If she finds those DVDs, she will tell people, and we will be humiliated.

For God sake, Adrian.

The woman cleans tile grout for a living.

If you can't shield this secret from her, you're not the brilliant degenerate I married.

Evelyn, that was precisely the pep talk I needed.

(Loud banging and creaking overhead)

(Switch clicks)

(Breathing heavily)

Am I interrupting something?

Yeah.

Okay, just as a reminder, my room is right below yours.

Sorry, I didn't... realize we were that loud.

"We"?

Uh, Julie, say "hi" to Carmen.

(Julie) Hey, Carmen.

Don't come in. I'm super naked.

Isn't this your first date?

And if it keeps going this well, we'll definitely have a second.

(Clicks tongue) Good night.

Stop. You can't do this.

Do what?

Have sex with that woman.

She's not up to your standards.

Wait.

What are my standards?

I am your standards.

But you don't want to date me.

Well, just because you can't have filet mignon doesn't mean that you have to settle for fast food.

For your information, Julie is not a compromise.

She's a smart, elegant woman.

(Julie) Sam!

My breasts are getting cold.

I have to go.

No! You need to stop.

What do you care who I sleep with?

Well, I...

I don't.

Good.

(Door opens)

What's this?

The ring you gave me ten years ago.

I want you to sell it.

You need the money.

Zoila, it was a gift.

I told you at the time it was way too extravagant.

You said hang onto it in case of a rainy day.

Well, it turns out it's your roof that's leaking.

Did I ever tell you how I got this?

It was an apology from my second husband.

Philippe?

Yes.

I caught him sleeping with my nutritionist.

He was so ashamed, he showed up the next morning with this ring.

I screamed, "You can't buy my forgiveness with diamonds."

Then I threw it at him.

The big stone scratched his cornea.

So it has sentimental value.

Oh, Zoila, I love you for offering, but I can't take this.

You can't afford to be generous either.

You're broke. Remember?

All this talk about money is giving me a migraine.

Can't we talk about this next week?

I won't be here next week, sweetie.

What?!

You can't afford to pay me, and I can't afford not to get paid.

No! You can't leave me.

I need you.

What you need is a big dose of reality.

Your life has changed.

You gotta start being smart.

If I can think of a way out of this mess, will you stay?

I suppose.

Okay. Okay.

You just watch.

I'm about to be smart.

(Sighs) So...

The question is, how can I make some money?

You could get a job.

Honey, this is serious.

Don't make jokes.

Sorry.

(Sighs)

Hey!

(Chuckles)

Why don't I just get someone to give me the money?

I have a lot of rich friends.

You won't once you start asking them for money.

You're right.

I have to borrow from someone who really loves me.

Someone like a rich ex-husband...

Who feels guilty about the way he treated you.

Oh, Zoila!

I like being smart.

Carmen?

Hey. What are you doing out here?

Thought you might want a smoothie.

Ah. After 6 miles?

You bet.

(Panting)

Mmm. While you're catching your breath, can I talk to you about something?

(Exhales) Sure.

One of your employees had sex last night... in your house... with a woman.

No, no, no, no.

It wasn't me.

You can put that eyebrow down.

So Sam got laid.

Mm-hmm.

Ah! Good for him.

No! No! Not good.

This woman that came into your house... she's not all there.

(Grunts)

She's bald?

No, she's crazy.

Really?

Yeah. I met her.

Psychotic. Or on dr*gs.

Or both.

Either way, I think you should tell Sam that he can't bring her into your house.

Let me tell you a little something about Sam.

He's been working here for four years.

He's been lonely the whole time.

And I'm thrilled he's finally found someone.

We should be happy for him, not, uh... meddling in his love life.

No, I-I don't care about his love life.

(Chuckles)

I just want him to respect your house.

Well, thank you very much, but I'm sure the house can survive a booty call or two.

Hi, Alejandro.

Hey, Mrs. Crump.

Um... excuse me?

You're Mrs. Crump?

Yes.

You live over on canon?

Yes, I do.

I'm Carmen.

I work for Alejandro.

Oh.

I have to say, that is one beautiful rottweiler.

Why, thank you.

I just love dogs.

If you ever need anyone to walk him, I'd be happy to.

He's ready to see you now.

Will you come this way?

Mrs. Delatour.

Mr. Delatour.

How are you?

How's our son?

Remi is wonderful.

You don't call him as much as you should.

You're right.

You're absolutely right.

(Chuckles)

(Exhales)

My God, you're as devastatingly beautiful as ever.

Why in the world did we ever divorce?

You kept committing adultery.

(Chuckles) Oh, that's right.

You must have been so disappointed in me.

No. I knew you were French when I married you.

Yeah, still, I regret sleeping with so many of your friends.

I was able to get new friends.

And then I slept with your sister.

Yes. Well, that was a bit more awkward.

Philippe...

If time has taught me anything, it's how to forgive, so consider yourself forgiven.

(Whispers) Oh.

I want us to be friends again.

This wouldn't have anything to do with Myron Moyer stealing all your money, would it?

So you've heard.

(Mouths word)

Well, it's true.

I am broke, and I need your help.

But it is also true that I want you back in my life.

I've missed you, my love.

I'm so glad to hear that.

Do you remember this manet?

Of course.

You bought it on our honeymoon.

It was recently appraised at a million dollars.

Would you like it?

Oh, Philippe.

You would just give it to me?

No strings attached?

Well...

I didn't say that.

How'd it go?

He offered me a painting worth a million dollars.

That's great!

What's wrong?

He offered it on the condition that I sleep with him.

What?

He said I was the best he'd ever had, and it was worth that much money for... and these are his words... another ride on the sensual merry-go-round that is my body.

So did you give him a ride?

No!

How can you even ask that?

You're broke!

I may be destitute, but I would never debase myself just to pay a few bills.

I'm sorry.

I'm also very proud of you.

Thank you.

So...

(Purse thuds)

What happens now?

You are going to learn to take care of yourself.

I am?

And this is a good thing.

It's your chance to finally prove to people that you're more than a shallow, spoiled Beverly Hills diva.

I'm sure you can get a job selling clothes at a fancy shop, or hostessing at an upscale bistro.

I can teach you how to cook your own meals and wash your own clothes.

And even though you'll fall asleep exhausted every night, you will be happy because you'll know you are finally a productive member of society.

And what are you doing?

I'm starting up the merry-go-round.

But, honey...

Relax. It's Philippe.

And if memory serves me, the ride won't last that long.

Where's Peri?

She left for a costume fitting.

Oh?

Good.

Mmm.

What are you doing?

I must not be doing it well if you have to ask.

No. Mrs. Peri will be back soon.

So?

So if I don't get my work done, she is going to fire me.

But I need to be with you.

(Inhales and exhales deeply)

Okay.

Mmm.

But we have to do it fast.

Mrs. Peri told me to fix the toilet in the den before she gets back.

I'll have you holding that plunger in no time.

Mmm. Thank you, Mr. Spence.

Mmm.

Ooh, just Spence.

It's quicker.

♪
♪ ...until you dance with me ♪
♪ until you dance with me ♪
♪ I wanna see you bop, do the body rock ♪
♪ baby girl, I just won't stop ♪
♪ until you dance with me ♪
♪ dance with me ♪

(song slows down)

♪ sexy, sexy ♪
♪ girl sexy ♪
♪ oh, oh ♪

(Song warps and stops)

(Moaning)

(Gasps) Ohh!

(Exhales) Ohh!

(Panting) That was the best sex ever.

Ohh! Don't you think so, Spence?

(Sighs deeply)

Mr. Spence?

(Gasps) Mr. Spence?!

Madre de Dios!

(Dialing)

(Female dispatcher) 9-1-1.

What's your emergency?

I think I need an ambulance.

(Siren wailing in distance, telephone ringing)

Rosie?

What in God's name happened?

Mr. Spence had a heart att*ck.

What?!

But he's only 46.

I'm just telling you what the doctors said.

I don't understand. What was he doing when this happened?

Huh?

I mean, was he exercising?

Yes. I'd say so.

Mm-hmm.

Mrs. Westmore?

I'm Dr. Kagan. I wanna talk to you about your husband's condition.

Is he gonna die?

No, no. He's in intensive care, but he's stable.

(Exhales) Thank God.

I need to see him.

Sure.

Uh, just for a moment.

Can I see him, too?

I'm sorry. You are...

This is Rosie, our maid.

Sorry, only family's allowed.

(Women speaking indistinctly over P.A.)

(Doorbell rings)

Marisol.

To what do I owe this pleasure?

You're not due back here till Sunday.

I'm sorry. I think I left my spare key in the study.

Would you mind if I had a look?

Of course not. Be my guest.

Mi casa es su casa.

Thank you.

(Gasps)

Did you find your... key?

Nope.

Must have left it somewhere else.

Good luck finding it.

(Panting)

Hmm.

(Whispers) Okay, let's go.

(Panting)

Come on, buddy. Come on.

Come here. Come here.

Find the treat.

It's so delicious, right?

So delicious.

Good boy! Good boy!

Oh, how could anyone be allergic to you?

Okay, let's go.

Come on, come on, come on.

(Indistinct conversations)

Yeah?

(Laughs)

(Both speak indistinctly)

(Laughs)

(Speaks indistinctly, laughs)

(Siren wailing)

Baby, I swear we don't have a dog!

(Strained voice) You must have!

It's the only thing I'm allergic to!

(Groans)

(Mouths words)

What's that?

It's dog fur, and it's all over my sheets, along with crumbs from a dog biscuit.

Well, whatever kinky stuff you and Julie are into, that's your business.

Carmen, this is really how you're gonna be right now?

(Stammers) Okay!

I did it.

But I just thought she was gonna get, like, a... like a rash or something.

You could've k*lled her.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted her to go away.

Are you jealous?

No.

Are you sure?

I don't know what I was feeling or... or thinking.

I'm just... I'm sorry.

I-I am very, very sorry.

You had your chance.

You turned me down.

So if you're not gonna be with me, you have to let me be with someone else.

Okay?

I told you to sell this.

No.

I want you to have it.

Genevieve, I...

Listen to me.

I've had six different husbands.

They all vowed to stand by me for the rest of my life, but none of them did.

(Exhales deeply)

Only one person has always been there, for better or for worse.

So I want you to have this ring... not as a gift, but as my promise to take care of you, just like you have always taken care of me.

But you still have to come up with a plan.

You have a lot of bills coming in, and you can't keep exchanging sex for watercolors.

(Chuckles) Oh, I have a plan.

Uh-oh.

What are you gonna do?

What I've always done.

It's time to find husband number seven.

(CD clatters, drawer closes)

(Knock on door)

You're right.

I am jealous.

(Taylor laughs, Michael speaks indistinctly)

Marisol, what are you doing up?

(Sighs) I needed to talk to you both.

What's all this?

I made Martinis.

Thanks, but we're not thirsty.

After I'm finished, you're going to want a drink.

So how many of these DVDs do you think Adrian has?

Well, if Mr. Powell taped one of your sessions, he probably taped all of them.

Oh, my God.

Obviously, this could be devastating if any of these got out, landed on the Internet.

Adrian wouldn't do that.

Would he?

He might not, but you probably don't wanna take that chance.

Now...

I would be willing to steal them for you, but I would need to know where Adrian keeps his collection.

Any ideas?

Not really.

It's such a huge house.

Michael, did he ever say anything to you?

(Sets down glass) Mr. Stappord.

Michael, where are you going?

Oh, no.

(Door closes)

(Car engine starts)

(Car departs)

(Door closes)

Michael. What a surprise.

Did Evelyn let you in?

(Grunts)

(Glass shatters)

(Banging in distance)

The den.

(Glass crunches)

I bet you feel like a big man now, which is ironic, considering...

Where are they?

Safe and sound.

Don't you worry.

Uhh!

Mr. Stappord, stop!

(Taylor) You're gonna k*ll him!

You listen to me, you pervert!

I'm not leaving here without those DVDs!

(Evelyn) Michael!

Party's over. Get out.

Perhaps my tone is not conveying the seriousness of my intention.

(Glass shatters)

(Taylor screams)

(Gasps)

Have I made myself clear?

Adrian has something that belongs to me, and I'm not leaving until I get it.

Are you talking about the DVDs?

You know?

I know everything that happens in this house.

I'm going to give them what they came for, and then we're gonna put this nasty little mess behind us.

Okay?

(Panting) Fine.

(Whispers) I was tired of looking at your wife anyway.

So help me, Michael.

(Evelyn) Adrian?

Go get some ice for your lip.

Michael, you, Taylor, sit down.

Behave yourselves.

I'm gonna get what you want.

Marisol... come with me.

(Switch clicks)

Here we go.

(DVD cases clattering)

"The Taylor Collection"?

(DVD cases clattering)

As you can see, there are no other DVDs bearing Taylor's name.

Make sure you tell Michael he has everything.

Well, Michael, Taylor, obviously, we won't be socializing anymore.

What a relief it will be to stop pretending that we like each other.

Oh, and, Marisol?

You're fired.

Did you talk to the doctors?

I did. Spence is doing much better.

He's awake and talking.

(Exhales) Thank God.

What is that?

It's our wedding album.

Just... got the urge to go through it.

Look.

It's Spence in his tux.

(Chuckles)

So handsome.

Wasn't he, though?

You two seem very happy.

I've decided to go into therapy.

Therapy?

I want to understand why I'm such a raging bitch.

Ohh.

You've seen me in action.

I'm a nightmare, right?

No.

I've seen worse.

How? Did you clean for h*tler?

The things I say, the way I act out...

(Voice breaks) Something is wrong with me...

(Sniffles)

And I'm going to fix it.

What made you decide this?

For the past year, I... began to think I didn't love Spence anymore.

(Voice breaks) But when I saw him in that hospital...

Oh, I do love him, Rosie.

I just...

(sobs) forget it sometimes.

Well...

It's good you know that.

(Inhales deeply)

So I'm gonna change for him, be the best wife ever.

And Spence and I will be happy again.

It's a good thing, to be happy.

(Laughs and sniffles)

(Footsteps retreating)

(Rings)

(Ring, beep)

Hello?

Yeah, it's Michael.

I'm...

I'm calling to see how you are.

(Grunts) Well, apparently, I'm in need of some plastic surgery.

But to be fair, Evelyn's been saying that for years.

I had too much to drink.

You know how I get.

I suppose I do.

You know the real reason why I came over there tonight, don't you, Adrian?

You had an ulterior motive?

I'm shocked.

I want that DVD back.

The one with Flora?

Relax. I smashed it into a millions bits... a long time ago.

(Exhales deeply)

Thank God.

Obviously, back when I still considered you a friend.

Again, Adrian, I'm sorry for what I did.

Well, we all make mistakes.

(Beep)