01x02 - Dreamers

[bunniefuu]

My god, Buzzy.

It's beautiful.

It's perfect.

It sounds weird to say, but I feel truly beautiful.

It's a work of art.

So, do you want a haircut, or no?

I wouldn't touch a thing.

Let's leave it alone.

[Chuckles]

Thanks, Buzzy.

He paid up front, right?

♪ It's time to show the world what they've waited for ♪
♪ something like they've never seen before ♪
♪ whoa, we're just getting started ♪
♪ just getting started ♪

[Door rattling]

Oh, my god, so annoying!

Why can't he just give us keys, you know?

What's he think we're gonna do? Steal shampoo and toilet paper?

I might. I probably would.

Hey, did you guys see on Facebook that Ms. Oberding broke her leg at a "T" stop?

She got her ponytail caught in the sliding door.

Oh, my god, that's awful.

Hey.

Y'all hear what happened to that ponytailed bitch Ms. Oberding?

She broke her leg, Charmaine.

Good.

She also called me "you people" for four years.

It's 9:15.

Why does he make us sit here and wait for him every single day?

Oh, I could answer that. [Sighs]

I took a couple of psychology classes before I dropped out of college, and our fearless leader, Ben, is a textbook example of what medical professionals would classify as a douche.

Oh, come on, now, Buzzy. You just don't know him like I do.

Deep down, Ben's got a heart of gold.

[Clattering]

Ben: Damn it, Dwayne.

Take your house and relocate in front of the tattoo parlor.

What, don't look at me like that.

You don't have to wash piss off your door handle every day.

He should probably stop pissing on his door handle.

Excuse me.

I thought I was cutting Robin Doyle's hair.

How did Julianne Moore get in my chair?

Oh. [Laughs]

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't heard that before.

Here is Rosalee's bill.

Thanks. Mm-hmm.

So, uh, you doing anything interesting this weekend, Joy?

Oh, yeah, my church group's walking for aids.

You want to join us?

Oh, I don't know, Joy.

I mean, I'd walk against aids.

Oh, you're so funny.

[Laughs]

I need sponsors, but I'm so bad at asking.

All right, eyes on me, everybody!

When the hand goes up, the mouth goes shut.

Joy's doing a walk-a-thon this weekend.

You're all pitching in to support her.

And hey, it's against aids.

That's nice, Joy. I'm in.

20 bucks a mile.

Thanks, buzz. My goal is 10 miles.

2 bucks a mile it is.

I'll put you down. Yeah.

Everybody in? Doyles?

Everybody. Is that everyone?

No. Who didn't sign up?

Oh, I'll give you a hint.

He's cheap, he's standing over there pretending not to hear me, he's bigger than a bread box... But not much...

And his name is Ben.

Any guesses?

Do you want to donate to the aids walk-a-thon, Ben?

What's that? Um...

Is aids even still a thing?

Yeah, it is.

Mm, you sure?

Even after Magic Johnson?

All right, I'll think about it.

That is a no.

Ben, you got more money than any of us.

Give some of it away.

All right, pump your brakes there, buzz.

For your information, I am a consistent supporter of the Lucille Sanchez scholarship fund of the Chamberlain community college, so you're welcome.

Are you talking about Lucy Sanchez?

Stay out of this, Mo.

You give her money for school?

I thought you just paid her to tickle you.

I said stay out of this, mo.

It's a really gross quality that you're not a giver.

I mean, not to take anything away from your other gross qualities.

Casual racism.

Giving soy sauce to Asian kids on Halloween.

Blatant racism.

It's okay, Ben. I don't judge you.

Well, thank you, Joy.

But god does. Preach it!

And he's the one in charge of the down button.

Yeah.

Must be nice praying to an elevator operator. All right.

[Cellphone ringing]

Hello?

So, Danni, what can I put you down for?

Oh. I'll give you 100 bucks.

Really? Wow. Can you afford that?

I just sold my piano. You're kidding.

What about your music?

I'm done with singing.

I don't understand.

Are you pregnant?

No.

Were you pregnant?

[Chuckling] No.

Look, I just promised myself that if I hadn't earned any money singing by the time I turned 25, I would give it up.

Wait. What? You're not singing anymore?

Nope. Wait, are you pregnant?

She says she's not.

She's really not.

Wait, is that why we haven't seen you around the bar?

You were so good.

Oh, come on. I was just okay.

Anyway, I'm better at this.

This... This is what I should be doing.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Oh, don't be.

I've made my peace with it. I'm happy.

Wow, most people are sad when they flush their dreams down the toilet.

Did you flush your baby down the toilet?

A.J.: Dan, are you ready for this?

All right, I just got called from a scout from the Chatham A's who wants me to try out for the summer league team.

I mean, is it getting drafted out of high school by the Red Sox? No.

But it's something, right?

I mean, it's something to hang my hopes on.

Oh, Aje. Come here.

Sit down. I'm gonna help you with this.

Oh, that's great.

You know, I'm actually pretty nervous about this.

I mean, it's crazy long odds.

So, hit me.

Give up.

Wow, uh, okay. I said, "hit me."

That felt like an actual punch.

Uh, I meant more like say something positive, you know, like a friend might say.

I am being a friend and I'm telling you, let it go, all right?

Take all those unrealistic dreams and [Blows]

Bye-bye.

[Scoffs] What is this? What... what are you doing?

You know, you can't say stuff like that to me.

What... What you say to me matters.

Why? Because we slept together in high school?

No. Not because of that.

You don't have to wince when you say it.

I mean not just because of that, you know?

I listen to you.

I mean, because of you, an entire men's shelter has my old ed Hardy t-shirts.

Yeah. Well, then, listen to me now.

Look, I just went through this with my singing career.

There's a time when you just have to let all this stuff go and live your life, and it feels so good.

How can that feel good? I want to dream big.

Dream small.

I want to dare to be great.

Dare to be just okay.

A.J., we're 25.

If it was gonna happen for us, don't you think it would've already?

No! All right?

I don't know what's the matter with you, but you are wrong.

When you have a dream, you follow that dream no matter what, no matter how long it takes.

And you can fool yourself into thinking that quitting's an option, but it's not.

At least not for me.

I got to go in there and finish up now, so bye-bye.

And you know what?

Baseball players play baseball.

And Danni, singers sing.

Everything else is just marking time.

There is no way this dude's profile picture is real.

Are you on grinder?

Tommy says I'm allowed to swipe as long as I don't touch.

Joy. Who is that guy?

Oh, I don't know, but he sure likes waving.

I don't want to be rude, but my arm's getting really tired.

What exactly is our end game here?

All right.

Ah.

I see you met my cousin Lonnie.

You're related to someone that friendly?

All right, Jesus, will you stop it with the damn waving already, Lonnie?

You're creeping everyone out. Jesus.

Why's he washing the window?

It's his job.

All right, look, I didn't like being told that I'm not charitable, all right?

Some people might look at Lonnie out there and see one of life's unfortunates.

Bruised fruit, damaged goods, a broken little toy.

But when I look at Lonnie, I see a human being.

A human being who is perfectly capable of making a closely supervised, extremely limited contribution to society.

And that is why out of the goodness of my heart, I have hired him to work here.

I thought you said he was an unpaid intern.

Not my tempo, mo.

Look, the point is, despite what you people may think of me, all right, I am a charitable guy.

I'm a giver.

Well, if you're such a giver, then why don't you give to Joy's walk-a-thon?

That's not my cause, Charmaine.

No. Lonnie's my cause.

Lonnie is my walk-a-thon.

Lonnie is my aids.

And, you know, I think I took for granted that baseball was what I was born to do, you know?

And then Danni says one thing, and she's just...

You know, she's in my head.

And... and maybe she's right.

Maybe I'm deluding myself.

A.J., can I chime in here?

Oh, I wish you would.

'Cause Charmaine's about to get cruised again.

Mm-hmm.

All right? What was that?

Were you encouraging him or discouraging?

Impossible to tell. That's what makes it delicious.

[Laughs]

All right, here you go, guys.

Three more beers and one mojito.

I've never seen one with an umbrella in it.

Oh, yeah, it's a h*m*.

You know, maybe Danni's right, you know?

I mean, what's so bad about being a barber?

My dad was a barber his whole life, and he was happy.

I mean, not singing and dancing happy.

More drinking and hitting happy, but it's still happy.

It's your whole generation.

You all think you're special enough for your own reality show.

In my day, you got a job, you got married, you d*ed on the inside, then you d*ed on the outside.

Fresh mint.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a dream, even if it looks like it's never gonna happen.

Why don't you just say it, mo?

You talking about Joy.

No, I'm not talking about Joy. I'm talking about in general, you know?

Sometimes, you want something so bad, but it seems out of reach.

Because it's got a husband.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm not talking about Joy, Charmaine, all right?

[Voice breaking] And now I'm not getting emotional about Joy.

I'm empathizing with A.J.'S dilemma.

Look, the way I see it, getting the thing you thought you wanted is never all that great anyway.

It is all about the chase.

Mm-hmm-hmm.

[Chuckles]

Was that the brush off?

Possibly. We still in it.

You know, she's right. I'm 25. If I was gonna make it as a professional ball player, it would've happened already.

So, that's it? You're giving up?

Not giving up.

I'm accepting the reality of my situation, you know?

And it's good. It feels good, you know?

Feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of me.

You know, but very quickly, so I do feel a little dizzy and sort of disoriented.

[Sighs] But it's good. It's good.

And now I'm probably gonna go. Okay.

Where are you going?

Gonna go home.

I'm gonna drink a sh*t ton of beer by myself because I'm really excited about the future.

Okay.

Poor guy.

[Feedback] Okay, g*ng, it's time to begin the open-mike portion of our evening.

Now, normally it would be our father, Ray, being the emcee, but as you know, his diabetes has taken a turn for the worse.

Oh, Jesus, Rosalee!

No one wants to hear about dad's diabetes!

Shut up, Rita!

I'm telling them about the fundraiser!

We are sponsoring a walk-a-thon to help raise money to fight diabetes.

Hey, hey!

How's dad gonna do a walk-a-thon, Rosalee?

The doctor said he's gonna lose a foot!

He's not walking! Other people are!

Christ on a cr*cker!

Nobody asked you.

Anyway, our first performer was always one of pop's favorites.

We love her to death.

She's a wicked cutie, and she hasn't been here in a while.

So, let's give it up for Danni Giordano!

[Cheers and applause]

What the hell?

I, uh, I wasn't gonna be here tonight, actually.

Um, in fact, I... I wasn't gonna ever be here again.

[Chuckles] But, um, a good friend of mine changed my mind, so this is for him.

♪ You could be amazing ♪
♪ you could turn a phrase into a w*apon or a drug ♪

That's messed up.

♪ You could be the outcast ♪
♪ or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love ♪
♪ but I wonder what would happen ♪
♪ if you say what you want to say ♪
♪ and let the words fall out ♪

Keep walking, dude. We're done.

♪ Honestly I wanna see you ♪

Where is he?

Is there a meeting of the lollipop guild we don't know about?

Even if you know the door is locked, you got to rattle it.

One of those things.

Hey, hey, guys, let's just relax, all right?

We got nowhere else to be. We're barbers.

You okay, A.J.?

Oh, yeah. I'm average.

That is a clean window.

Yeah, Lonnie's machine. You should see my station.

It's spotless. So is my apartment.

It was an awkward couple hours 'cause I didn't invite him, but the place sparkles.

Okay, I got the coffees!

Here you go.

Here's yours. Okay.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I wanted cream and sugar. This one says black.

I don't think that refers to the coffee, Charmaine.

Mine says "old gay one."

Morning, team. Hey, Ben, you know, you should really consider making keys for all of us.

I mean, you're late every day, and even your ma thinks it's a good idea.

Hey, mo, for the last time, stop going through my ma to get to me, all right?

It doesn't work anymore.

Well, you stopped wearing jeggings to work.

Mo, she barely had any say in that decision.

You coming?

No. I'm gonna wait for Danni.

Oh, that's nice.

Not for her it isn't.

Oh, hey, mo. How was your day off?

Oh, I-I, you know, hung out with Ben.

His mom made lasagna, and we sh*t some pool.

Not with his ma. She had a date.

Asian gentleman. That doesn't matter.

How about you?

I had my walkathon.

Oh, that was yesterday!

That's right. I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, it's okay.

It turns out the diabetes walkathon was scheduled for the same time as the aids walkathon, and the routes collided, and all the people walking for aids got mixed up with people walking for diabetes, and there was just a lot of confusion.

"Hey, you got aids in my diabetes."

"You got diabetes in my aids. Get the..."

It's not funny, though.

Want to be a race car driver? That's the big dream.

Let's talk about odds.

Hey. Where were you the other night?

I looked for you after I sang, but you were all gone.

Oh, well, that's because, due to circumstances beyond our control, we did not want to be there.

You seem a little more hostile than usual.

Because of what you did to A.J.

What did I do to A.J.?

You broke him. Okay, that is so not true.

Look at him, Danni.

Why is he doing that?

Because someone whose opinion matters to him more than anyone else's told him to give up the only thing he's ever wanted.

Oh, my god.

You know he's blowing off that tryout 'cause of you?

Who does that to a friend?

Oh, my god. I-I-I didn't even realize it.

And... and I-I... and I just let the whole weekend pass.

How did I not see this?

Because you're a cute, blond, little mouseketeer with a hot body, and things come easy to you.

And sometimes when things come easy to people, they don't think about how it affects others now, do they?

Um...

No, they do not.

N-o. N-o. U-s-e.

W-where are you going?

I know what I have to do.

Oh, restocking the beer fridge, huh, Lonnie?

Yep.

God bless you and god bless America.

All right, Lonnie, now is a good time to take your lunch break.

Okay, I will.

First, I got to stock the fridge, wash your car, sharpen everyone's scissors...

Lonnie, stop, all right? You got to eat.

Now go wash my car and then you can get something to eat.

Okay, cousin.

Hey, see you later, Buzzy.

Yeah. We'll see you, Lonnie.

What a great kid.

You really should pay him.

What? Why? He's happy.

You know, I give him a place to go.

He feels like he has a purpose.

No, no. It's not for him. It's for you.

You'll feel better if you'd pay him.

Yeah, pretty sure I'd feel poorer if I paid him.

I'm telling you, there's no better feeling than helping someone just 'cause you can.

It's better to give than to receive.

Ugh!

I could so do a gay joke here.

But I'm not gonna, because I'm a gentleman.

Thank you.

Like when you said it's better to give than receive, I could've said "in the butt."

But I didn't, so...

Class personified.

Look, Ben, do you think I wanted to sell this barbershop to you?

I didn't.

But the day we closed escrow, you said it was the happiest day of your life, and that made me feel really good about it.

Wow. Really?

Yes.

Well, that and the fact that you paid $50,000 over asking because I lied about the other bidder, but mostly that.

So, you can go ahead and stick that in your butt.

Come on, Aje, we're going.

What? Where?

To your tryouts. I borrowed my dad's car.

No, Danni, I told you I'm done with that.

No, you're not.

Look, I know you more than anyone in the world, and you were right. Quitting is not an option.

You're going to that tryout.

Here's your mitt, here's your shoes, here's your hair gel, extra hold.

What do I need that for?

Because you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Come on!

Keep going.

All right, Lon, come on. Closing up.

Oh, okay. Hey, cousin, uh, can I ask you something?

Sure. Make it quick.

I just wanted to ask you...

Oh, Jesus, here we go.

What? What is it?

What can I do to be better?

Uh... what?

I just want to do a good job for you.

Yeah, yeah, Lon, you're doing, uh... you're doing fine.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a second.

Come here.

Listen. Um...

You know, I've been thinking, and, you know, you've been working so hard around here, and everyone seems to like you.

I was thinking that maybe, um...

Wow. This really doesn't feel good.

I was thinking that maybe I could start paying you.

You know, it wouldn't be much to start. It...

Come on, Lon, it's really...

It's really not that big of a deal.

Okay.

All right, come here.

Okay. Bye-bye.

That little sh*t!

Oh.

Joy!

I'm sorry, Buzzy, but everybody has their limits.

His car is here. I don't know where he could be.

So, how were the tryouts? It went well.

I didn't make the team, but they told me to come back.

We decided 25 was too young to give up.

Yeah, we're giving ourselves till 30, and after that, it's just a straight sh*t to disappointment city.

I've been there. I know the names of all the streets.

Hey, you did a nice thing for me yesterday.

Well, I'm actually a nice person.

Hmmm.

Are you agreeing with me or disagreeing?

Hmmm.

Ah, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm late.

But I got a little surprise.

I had Lonnie go to the locksmith this morning, make everybody personalized keys to the shop.

Oh! Oh, that's neat.

Thanks, Ben. Yeah.

O-g-o?

Old gay one. Mine just says "b."