03x06 - Love Is an Open Door

[bunniefuu]

That sounds great.

It's a date, then.

Previously on "Mistresses"...

We have to end it now so there can at least be hope for us in the future.

What?

It's too soon.

We're just not ready.

I forgot to give it to Patty.

What, you don't trust me?

Okay.

Patty: You signed the papers that gave him his own umbrella.

I assumed you knew.

Why else wouldn't you have had me take a look?

Karen: If I could somehow combine the two of them, it would be the perfect person for me.

Do you think you might be falling in love with them?

I could.

[Katy Tiz's "The Big Bang" plays]

_

♪ Oh, babe ♪
♪ I don't wanna lie ♪
♪ I'm gonna take what you're givin' ♪
♪ 'cause I know you're willing ♪
♪ to take me all the way ♪
♪ you got me right here ♪
♪ combustible ♪
♪ and I can't wait to finally explode ♪
♪ the big, big bang ♪
♪ the reason I'm alive ♪
♪ when all the stars collide ♪
♪ in this universe inside ♪
♪ the big, big bang ♪

[Whistling]

♪ The big, big bang ♪
♪ the big, big bang ♪

[Whistling]

♪ The big, big bang ♪
♪ the big, big bang ♪
♪ the big, big, big bang ♪

[Door rattles]

Remember... you're on deck to babysit.

Did you get your shift covered at work?

I said I would.

And do you remember where I put the emergency numbers?

In my phone under "emergency"?

Do you know CPR?

[Chuckling] Seriously? April, relax.

Your date's not till tomorrow night.

If you start out this wound, by tomorrow, you'll pop.

I'll take the kids to see a movie, and you'll have plenty of time to get hot for teacher.

Headmaster! And really, Marc?

It's not like that, anyway.

It's simply an opportunity to treat a much sought-after man to a well-cooked meal.

And my lasagna will leave those other ladies in the dust.

Okay, you're all good, honey.

Scotty: Thanks, April.

Looks like Lucy's grades are improving.

Is that... ? Let me see.

Oh, my god.

"My hero used to be my dad, but now it's my really awesome grandma."

[Chuckles]

Wow. That's great.

"My grandma Marjorie is a circuit court judge for the very prestigious 9th circuit.

She was not only the youngest to ever be appointed by Bill Clinton, she was the only woman and African-American, too."

[Chuckles]

Well, damn. She's my hero.

Lucy, school!

You okay, April?

Oh, I'm fine.

[Telephone ringing]

[Calista groans]

Patty, give me good news.

No. Maybe you didn't hear me, Patty.

I said good news.

[Sighs]

No. You're a lawyer!

Find a loophole!

Then look again!

[Sighs]

[Receiver slamming]

Ow.

I got to get up.

Where are they? My little orange friends, please.

[Pills rattling]

Oh.

This contract is ironclad!

Okay. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god. What are you doing?

Choosing a window to jump from.

Hey, honey, just come here.

Please. Do not pity me.

Okay.

I mean, how could I be so freakin' stupid?

Shh. Because you wanted to believe in him.

Just shh.

You developed a bit of a blind spot.

Ah, "blind spot."

It's more like a brain hemorrhage.

Who signs something without freakin' reading it?

Mnh. Those little red sticky arrows can be very persuasive.

You just...

Why? Why do it like this?

Why steal an accessory line out from under me?

He's screwed me in marriage before, but he has never screwed me in business.

He respects that part of me.

Something is off.

Nothing is off.

It's Luca Raines, as usual.

He was slimeball before.

He's a super slimeball now.

That's it. Okay?

Honey!

Honey, please...

Answer me this question.

Answer me this one question.

Do you actually care about the accessories line?

Do you?

No, but I...

Okay. So, then, what did you lose, hmm?

A couple of days thinking that your marriage was gonna work out?

So, fine.

Let's go back to the original plan.

You're gonna divorce him, and you're gonna make sure that he doesn't get half your empire.

Yeah.

Wonderful.

Of course.

Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I will be asleep until next week.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes.

If I'm leaving this pity party, you're damn well coming with me.

No, it's not a party.

It's not a party. It's a wake.

For Harry? Please!

It's an open-ended breakup.

It's the best of all worlds here.

Sorry.

How is this the best of all worlds?

He said to you... and I quote...

"so you can find your way back to each other."

It's like a crystal ball, and Harry's waiting there in the future, and he's giving you the green light to go have some fun.

There's no green light.

If it was any greener, we could smoke it.

If you two are meant to be together, you'll end up together.

The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.

You should stitch that on a pillow.

That's really good.

I'm telling you... Harry is not lying around moping like this.

Let's go.

All right.

Get up!

All right.

[Pounding on door]

Harry: Yeah!

[Bottle clatters]

[Pounding continues]

Surf report looks good. Let's go.

[Scoffs] Yeah, I don't think I can, mate.

Can I come in?

Sure.

Ah, that's more like it!

Now I can see what I'm working with.

All right.

No more girls-gone-wrong reminders.

This Joss'?

This?

Well, it ain't mine.

All right, I'm gonna put this in the closet here.

If I've missed anything, you toss it in.

If you need the box out of here, I'll pick it up.

How's the restaurant?

Fine.

Marc?

It's a disaster, dude.

You need to come back.

I mean, Phil's a fine sous chef, but he is not equipped to do a fraction of what you do.

Lag time between courses is like 35 minutes.

And ever since he started dating that Indian guy, he's got a love affair with cumin, man.

Everything has cumin!

Okay.

[Inhales deeply]

All right, right-o.

Look, we'll catch some waves.

It'll clear my head.

[Inhales deeply] I'll be back in tonight.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, look, if you're not up for it...

No, no. I'm good.

[Fingers snap]

[Bell ringing]

[Sighs]

Lucy: Why were you going through my backpack?

I wasn't going through your backpack.

The point is, baby, it's amazing.

I am proud of you!

A-plus?

[Car door opens]

[Sighs]

Blair: Good morning, Lucy. I have good news.

Your hero paper is going in the front case of the school.

Everyone's impressed.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Cool. Thanks, Mr. P.

You're welcome.

[Scoffs]

I said I was impressed, and I got a stank shoulder shrug.

How much you want to bet, as headmaster, I get more stanky shrugs than you a day?

[Chuckles] I guess you're right.

I only have one little mean person to deal with.

Well, have you asked Grandma Marjorie for any help?

I'd take advantage of the positive influence she seems to have on Lucy.

sh**t. I'd like to ask her for some advice myself.

[Chuckles] Yeah. No.

I mean, my mother is really busy, not to mention, she doesn't live here in town.

I hear that, but that's her grandbaby.

I would think she'd make it important to be supportive... of you both.

Plus, it takes a village, right?

Yeah, that's what I've heard.

Especially if she's the one person Lucy's identifying with right now.

If... I haven't crossed the line, I still hope to see you tomorrow night.

I'll let you know when you've crossed the line.

[Horn honking]

Calista: Okay, I called Amex.

Um, last place Luca used this card was at the Oceana Hotel.

Grease anybody... the waiters, the bartenders, the valet, anyone who's gonna take a sh*t of him and whatever whore he's with now.

Sure thing, boss.

Okay.

Luca: Save your money, Calista.

We need to talk.

Oh. What is it now?

You want your own bridal line, huh? Okay.

That's funny. That's very funny.

No. I want a divorce.

You want a divorce?

On what grounds?

The fact that I wouldn't tolerate your cheating?

Or because you built a career on my blood, sweat, and tears?

You're not getting a cent.

Divorce not granted.

I'm in love with someone else.

Eva Petrov. I think you know her.

[Exhales sharply]

We're gonna be married.

So, you have been cheating this whole time.

You know what? She loves me.

And she admires me.

And I love and admire her.

Why? Because she can go a week without eating?

You know, you can denigrate her all you want.

But she happens to be a very talented artist.

Oh.

Oh, no, you said so yourself.

You know, the accessory line you approved... that was all Eva's design.

And after it launches successfully, I'll reveal her as the true creative force.

And don't bother bringing her into our divorce because you have no proof of our affair, and she would roundly deny it.

I will k*ll you before I let you do this.

It's already done.

[Breathing heavily]

Father John, I'm so sorry. I hate being late, but I don't have a watch on today, and I left my phone at my, uh [Exhales deeply] friend's house this morning.

It's okay.

It's no sin to have a boyfriend.

Just because you're counseling married couples doesn't mean you have to be married yourself.

[Chuckles]

Now, um...

Vivian.

I was hoping you didn't change your schedule.

I rushed home to get my earbuds, and I saw your phone on the kitchen counter, and I just knew you'd be going crazy without it.

Ah. You really shouldn't have gone to so much trouble.

It was no trouble at all, sweetie.

Hi. I'm Vivian. How are you?

Blessed. I'm Father John.

Nice to meet you.

Likewise.

Well, I don't want to take up any more of your time, so I'll see you at home later.

[Smooches]

Bye.

Father John: I apologize.

I... I never should've assumed that you had a boyfriend.

But I want to reassure you that we are very progressive here.

There's at least three other h*m* couples in the congregation that I know of.

We welcome everyone.

[Chuckles] I don't...

You know what?

We're having a mixer tomorrow night.

Bring Vivian. It'll be fun.

I hear we're getting a Kogi truck.

Yum.

April: I feel like a liar!

You're not a liar!

Ow. Yelling hurts.

Sorry, sweetie. Here.

Mm. Thank you.

He suggested my mom come, and I just silently sat there.

So... you don't even know Blair.

What... what were you supposed say?

"I hate the woman who bore me"?

It's not attractive.

I don't hate her.

Well, maybe he has a point.

Oh, god, I don't know.

♪ Baby boy ♪

[Sighs] Forget this.

♪ Are you ready to get to it? ♪

How are you?

Hmm?

Have you talked to Harry?

No, not since he brought down the hatchet on my heart.

♪ Here with me ♪

I... I'm sorry. Is this not interesting?

♪ I'm about to take you higher ♪

That guy is staring at you.

Hmm?

♪ Higher, higher, higher ♪

Brad?!

Oh, my god.

Josslyn Carver.

[Chuckles] I knew it was you.

What is up? What are you doing?

Come here! This is crazy!

I know. I lost your number like two phones ago.

Ooh!

You give the best hugs.

What are you doing here?

Just in town for my mom's birthday.

Oh.

I was looking for a present.

God, look at you!

Oh.

You look exactly the same as you did in college.

[Chuckles] You look better than you did, and... and you looked good.

So, where to start?

Oh.

You married?

No. You?

No.

Well, look at us.

Come on. You surprised? I mean... neither of us were ever the settling-down type.

That's probably why we were so good together.

Yeah, that and you were crazy about me.

I certainly was.

[Chuckles]

Anyway, I...

Hey, listen...

Oh.

Sorry.

No. No, no, no. You go.

I have to go to this party, but I'm in town for the week.

Oh, uh...

[Cellphone ringing]

Uh, sorry. Just one second.

♪ Save all you've got ♪

Hey, girl, what...

♪ don't let it slip away ♪

What... Calista, are you crying?

No. Calm down. I can't understand you.

Okay, okay. I'll be right there.

Everything okay?

Uh, yeah. That was my friend.

Well, my boss, my... "Fross."

[Chuckles] I... I got to go, but you know what, Brad?

It was really good to see you.

You too.

Take care. [Chuckles]

Mm-hmm.

[Both laugh]

Take care.

♪ I'm a hot ♪
♪ so hot for you ♪

Calista: I said mind-blowing ideas.

Let's knock the wind out of this bastard.

How about just telling the truth?

Leak your story to the press, how Luca bamboozled you into signing over the accessories line, leak your then gave it to his two-bit whore.

People will hate him.

You know what I love about that, Patty?

Nothing.

It makes me look like a fool.

Any other bright ideas?

Joss: Okay. Okay.

How about this?

We round up all the buyers and tell them that if they touch a single gem from Luca's accessories line, they get nothing from you ever.

No preview of your collections, no samples, zip.

And then I t*nk the line?

It's my brand!

If it fails, I fail.

So, you want it to succeed?

And, what, give them a wedding present with my name on the card?

I... don't think I'm alone here in saying, "confused."

You should have seen him... so glowing and happy, in love.

Okay, going down the k-hole.

Okay, fine. I'm back.

Well, it seems, from a business perspective, you have to stand behind the line.

Blame it on the blonde, but what does that mean,

"stand behind the line"?

Patty, it's not like she can go out and promote it.

I can.

I can.

Joss, can you do a preview party here tomorrow night?

Um, what are you thinking?

About 100 people...

And press.

Let's get lots of press.

[Mid-tempo music playing]

Ellis: Ah, Harry, my man.

A word, please.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, not too close.

'Cause I don't want to get what you had.

[Chuckles] So, how you feeling?

100%. Thanks.

Hey, whoa. So, what... what was it, a bad cold, flu?

[Chuckles] Hope it wasn't food poisoning.

I'd have to fire the chef.

[Both laugh]

Which is you.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'd hate to do that.

Okay. You have a good night.

Have a lovely evening.

Thank you.

Hey, stranger. Glad you're back.

Yeah, well, I heard Phil was making a mess of things.

Couldn't let that go on, now, could I?

[Chuckles]

What?

I told Marc to tell you that.

I knew it'd get your ass out of bed.

Well, I [Scoffs] wasn't in bed, as such.

I was, uh, in couch, deeply in couch.

Yeah. Okay.

The staff is gonna hang tonight.

Why don't you stay and play?

You don't have a girlfriend to rush back to, right?

Uh...

Yeah, maybe some other time.

♪

Aw, man! [Grunts]

Hey, Marc, can I talk to you for a second?

Aw, it's the smell, isn't it?

Oh, it's not that.

You know Blair, right?

Uh, yes, April, I do.

No. Of course. [Chuckles]

Well, he thinks it would be a good idea to have my mother come for a visit... you know, extended family for Lucy, someone to talk to, blah, blah.

But I don't know how that would be for you.

She's got kind of... a drinking problem.

Ah.

See? I knew it was a bad idea.

That's it. It's settled.

No, no, wait a minute. Just hold on.

First of all, it's really decent of you to think of me, but I work in a bar.

[Chuckles] One visit from Granny's not gonna shake my sobriety.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Well, I mean, that's good.

And, hey, she's not like a fall-down drunk.

She's expertly functioning.

Well, whatever that means, right?

Right?

What does that mean?

It means that out in the world, she's flawless, and at home...

[Inhales deeply]

Okay, when I was 16, around the time of the LAPD Rampart scandal, I was all, you know, "power to the people." so, I went out with a couple of my derelict friends...

Oh, come on. You had derelict friends?

That was what my father called the "artsy" crowd.

[Chuckling] Oh, right on.

Anyway, uh, while they waited with the van running, I painted a mural of Angela Davis, Maya Angelou, and Foxy Brown on this wall off the 110 freeway as the protest...

Oh, that... that's yours?

I've seen that mural. It's awesome!

I... it got a lot of attention.

The city wanted to take it down, but that was not the right time to piss more black people off.

Thousands of people signed a petition to keep it up.

You're a badass!

Well... my father didn't think so.

Mm.

The daughter of an ethics professor and a respected judge breaking the law?

Mm, he gave me the belt for it good.

Dads and their belts.

[Chuckles]

I remember mine well.

It was a different time.

Yeah.

And where was your mom through all this?

Sitting in the next room with her third drink in her hand.

Anyway, um, I know Lucy isn't connecting to me right now, and Blair thinks...

April...

Are you sure it matters what Blair thinks?

What do you think?

What do you feel in your gut?

[Sighs]

I don't want her here.

Then don't have her.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

[Chuckles] Right.

Thank you. Thank you, Marc.

Marc: Yeah.

You bet.

♪

Joss: Yeah, that is correct. 8:00 P.M. tonight, Calista's estate.

Mm-hmm. Uh...

[Bottle clinks]

Uh, yes, yes, she would absolutely love for her friends at Vanity Fair to be here.

Can I talk to you?

It is short notice, but, you know, let's look at it as one of Calista Raines' designs.

It's thrilling and unpredictable.

[Laughs] I know.

So, we'll s... we'll see you tonight?

Wonderful. Ciao.

What? What?

What's she doing?

What is who doing?

What is Calista's angle with this party?

Her angle?

Mm-hmm.

Luca, she's a shrewd businesswoman who knows that the best thing to do for the company that she's worked her entire life to build is stand by your sorry ass and promote the hell out of the line.

Okay.

Make sure that Eva's on the guest list.

And, uh...

[Chuckles]

Well, you know your man. That's for sure.

Just like you said, he asked me what your angle was.

I basically came off like I don't know a damn thing.

Did he buy it?

Yeah, because I don't know a damn thing.

When are you gonna tell me what the plan is?

[Sighs] Okay.

Take that dress and bring it over to Kathy Cho's house.

What, now?

Yes.

As in right now?

Uh-huh.

You have 100 guests coming to your house in 3 hours.

[Cellphone ringing]

Oh. Uh, hello?

Brad? I... how did you...

I'm listed?

No. I can't tonight. I have a work thing.

But let me, uh... let me check my schedule, and I'll get back to...

I... I will. I promise.

[Laughs]

Okay. Okay. Bye.

Mm. You're smiling.

First time in a week. Who was that?

An old bed buddy from college. I ran into him yesterday.

Great. I'll put his name on the list.

What? No.

Why not? Bad lay?

No. Good lay. Great lay, actually, but...

But nothing.

God planted a guy right in your lap. It's divine intervention. Just accept it with grace.

Okay, I'm not a religious person, but I'm pretty sure that that's not what they mean by divine intervention.

Look, I don't want you pouting in a corner somewhere tonight.

Everyone is gonna have a plus-one... except me, but I will be busy.

Busy with what?

[Both laugh]

And what is so funny?

Father John thinks me and Vivian are lesbian lovers.

I'm... I'm sorry. What?

I left my phone here yesterday.

And I brought it to her, and he caught our energy, I guess.

"Caught our energy"?

You called me "sweetie" and kissed me on the lips.

[Laughs]

Anyway, he invited us to a mixer tonight.

Monkeys will fly out of my ass before I go to a church mixer.

Whoa.

No one's suggesting we go to the church mixer, Alec.

But the thought of going out somewhere does sound kind of nice.

Oh, there was that, uh, new restaurant downtown we wanted to try.

What was it called, Alec?

I see nothing wrong with staying here where we don't have to worry.

Worry about what?

Well, we don't need to be "out" while we're out, if that makes you feel better.

We can just be three people having dinner.

So, you're suggesting we hide.

No.

Yes.

Oh! Okay.

[Chuckling] Okay.

Don't be upset, Karen.

Karen, talk to me.

[Sighs]

It's just... I've been that person before in a relationship where it's only okay behind closed doors.

Karen, I am a well-respected surgeon at County General. I have to be careful what I advertise.

I get it, Alec, okay?

I wasn't exactly forthcoming with Father John, was I?

I'm not saying I have the answers.

I'm just...

Okay, how about this?

You two finish putting away the groceries, and I am going to find a place where we can go out and be happy.

Vivian...

That's okay...

Shut up, both of you.

We're gonna be happy, damn it.

[Doorbell rings]

♪ You come on strong to win ♪
♪ I let you ♪

Hi.

♪ In my skin ♪

You look great.

Thanks. You look great, too.

I, uh... I didn't know what you were making.

Lasagna.

♪ It's my love for you ♪

We'll do red, and white with dessert.

I like where your head's at.

♪ It's my love for you ♪

So, a little preview?

♪ it's my love for you ♪

Mmm, yes, please.

Okay. It's hot.

Mmm.

♪ Oh, it's my love for you ♪

Mm-mmm!

Mmm!

I need this recipe.

It's an old family secret.

Mmm.

My mother's, actually.

It's good.

♪ Or we could be lovers ♪

Listen.

You know yesterday when you mentioned my mother coming for a visit?

Mm, I'm sorry.

I... I spend all day advising parents, and sometimes I don't know when to stop.

No. It's okay.

♪ Or we could be lovers ♪

I mean, look, I'd love to have a village around to help me raise Lucy.

But me and my mom... we don't get on that well.

We haven't for some time now.

Oh. I... I'm sorry to hear that.

I mean, we, uh, see each other for Christmas, and if we get to new year's without a fight, it's a damn near miracle.

I just didn't want you to think I didn't value your advice.

Well, you don't owe me...

But thank you.

[Inhales sharply]

Good, then. Okay.

Um, just one thing.

I know you and Lucy are having a hard time, but you modeling to her that a relationship between a mother and a daughter can actually break and stay broken... well, I'd imagine that could be scary for a child...

Not to mention for you.

[Bottle clinks]

[Car alarm blaring, indistinct shouting]

[Siren wailing]

Marc: You guys still having fun?

I'm cold.

I'm hungry.

What happened to the pork rinds and the twinkies you bought at the liquor store?

Scotty gave them to that homeless person with the dog.

[Helicopter blades whirring]

Look... more helicopters.

Where are we going?

Trust me... this is way better than a movie.

What's better than a movie?

A piece of art history.

Do you know any influential artists, Lucy?

Because I do... your mom.

And I am so juiced for you to see this.

[Dog barks]

Can we see it after we pee?

How bad do you got to go?

I just went a little.

Aw, sh**t. Okay.

Let's find you a nice... uh, there.

That is you right there, buddy.

You are not officially a man until you've done a nature tinkle.

I have to go, too.

Well, that's not gonna work.

Uh...

[man coughs]

Uh, here, here, here.

[Man shouts indistinctly]

Yeah, here we go.

Yeah, this is good. This is good. Okay.

Go ahead, guys, right here.

[Rock music playing]

[Camera shutter clicking]

Calista: Oh, you sure know how to throw a party.

Okay, when are you gonna tell me the plan?

In due time.

Dude, come on.

Just concentrate on the boys I invited for you.

There's no need for them. I brought Brad.

You listened! Where is he?

He's standing over at the bar, making Tom Ford very proud.

Ooh. You know how to pick them.

Mm. Very nice.

Mm. Look who it is.

Oh.

Eva.

Oh, well, yeah, let's take some pictures.

Geez.

This is great.

She came separately, without Luca.

Are you okay?

I'm great.

Uh-oh.

Just make sure you tell me when Kathy Cho's here.

What is the deal with this chick?

I haven't wanted to meet a woman this bad since Madonna.

Calista, you look lovely.

And you look old and sallow.

I see you put me at Eva's table.

What, do you think I'm gonna forget myself and let some photographer catch me with my hand on her knee?

You've foiled me again.

I forget how smart you are.

[Sighs]

No, but, really, was that the plan?

'Cause it's not terrible.

It's not the plan, though.

Hey, gorgeous.

Hi.

Oh, okay. Bye.

Oh.

One and two and three.

♪ Thinking of me thinking of you all the time ♪

Niko: Harry, wait. Don't leave yet.

Tessa's trying to see if we can get Wunderbar to trend.

Sorry. Who is doing what now?

Take a selfie with us.

You know what?

Why not? Let's give it a go.

All right. Tessa, get over here.

Harry's down.

♪ Too much thinking all the time ♪

Yeah.

All right.

Mm.

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Chuckles]

Oh, boy.

Okay, let's have a look.

Oy.

[Laughs]

I look like a goon.

It's posted on Instagram.

Really? That is... hey, wait. Wait. Wait.

Just... just go back two.

There.

When w... when was that photo posted?

Uh, 18 minutes ago.

Calista Raines is having a big party right now.

She's been posting all night.

That's his ex.

Your ex-girlfriend knows Calista Raines?

That is so cool.

Yeah. It's really cool.

She's out having a good time.

So you should be having one, too.

Joe: Yeah, man. You should stay a while.

Come on, everybody! You got a drink?

Let's go!

[Crowd cheers]

Whoo!

[Glasses clink]

[Exhales sharply]

Mnh. [Glass thuds]

Let's have another one.

Yeah.

♪

[Brad Gordon's "Inside Out" plays]

♪ Two is better than one ♪
♪ better than one ♪

Whose house is this?

Someone I met in a chat room.

Since when are you in chat rooms?

Is everyone here a threesome?

Um, there's also some quadros, and I think that's a quint.

That's one word for it.

Stop judging.

I've been reading all about this.

It's a whole community.

They even have their own language.

I'm a primary.

You're a freemate.

And I'm leaving.

Alec, wait. Please, love.

10 minutes.

♪ Wake me up ♪

10 minutes.

I'll get us drinks.

♪ Inside out ♪

All right, you ready?

Chocolate éclairs, mint gelato, and my grandma's key lime pie.

Mmm.

[Sighs]

Why aren't you eating?

Well, because I'd rather kiss you.

[Inhales deeply]

Can I kiss you?

♪

I'll take that as a yes.

[Cellphone ringing]

[Sighs]

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

[Ringing continues]

Hello?

Yes, of course.

Marc was arrested with the kids.

I swear to you I didn't know it was a strip club when I took them in there.

It was just an accident.

Blair: You must be starving. There's plenty left there.

What happened to movies and ice cream?

It was gonna happen, April, I swear, but I just wanted to show Lucy your mural first.

And then I got all turned around 'cause it started to get dark, and I lost my signal, which sucked.

And then both kids had to pee, and then this sketchy dude was walking towards us.

Okay, please stop talking.

And I didn't want us to get mugged...

Marc, stop talking!

Right.

[Sighs] Okay, kids, come on.

Follow me. Let's run baths.

Come on.

[Sighs]

Tough night, huh?

I just didn't know that neighborhood would be so bad, you know?

April didn't need this tonight.

I wouldn't worry about it.

[Sighs] Thanks.

It's natural for people who don't have children not to understand what to do with them.

What does that mean, Blair?

It means...

We'll take it from here.

So, I'm dating Mike. He's my primary.

I'm also dating Roy, and he's my secondary, but Mike and Roy don't date each other, so they call us a "V."

I'm at the focal point of the relationship, so I'm the hinge.

♪ You're the kind who don't believe in the future ♪

It's your turn for the bathroom.

♪ I am the one who's stuck in the past ♪

Mara: Are you looking for your friends?

They're right over there.

♪ It's a different view from a different point ♪

I saw you guys come in together.

Oh.

I'm Karen, by the way.

Mara.

I can tell you haven't been to many of these.

You've got that look.

Is it that obvious?

[Chuckles]

In my mind, I'm really playing it cool.

In your mind and only in your mind.

[Chuckles]

Um, how long have you been in the life?

Oh, about seven or eight days.

"Days"?

Uh, I admire your bravery.

It took me years to come out and feel comfortable with myself.

If I can give you a little advice.

Yes, please. I'm kind of out of my element.

Be careful.

Of what?

Your heart.

This polyamorous stuff can be tricky... especially when you're the third.

How do you know I'm the third?

Look, I've been where you are.

And I distinctly remember the pain of feeling, at the end of the day, like a guest in their relationship.

Excuse me.

Vivian: There you are.

We just learned about "cuddle parties."

Oh. Ah, I hate to do this, but I'm kind of ready to go.

Oh, thank you, god.

Oh, me too.

This is all just too bizarre.

[Sighs]

["Swimming with the Stars" playing]

♪ And I see you standing there ♪
♪ your half-smile and your "Jimmy D" hair ♪
♪ when you were young and free ♪
♪ I jump back to another place ♪
♪ another time and a younger face ♪
♪ and I, I think we could be friends ♪
♪ but your star was shining in another time ♪
♪ you were swimming with them stars ♪
♪ in another life were friends ♪
♪ so, don't you fight, my friend ♪
♪ it's all right, my man ♪
♪ don't you cry no more ♪
♪ I'll see you on the other side in time ♪
♪ I'll see you on the other side in time ♪

[Song ends]

[Scattered applause]

[APM's "Airlock" plays]

[Chuckles]

Shh!

[Door slams]

Ahh.

Oh, I remember this so well.

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Uh... you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is good. This is what I need.

This is good.

[Exhales sharply]

[Giggles]

[Chuckles]

Sorry.

Me kissing your ear has never not turned you on.

Am I doing it wrong?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You've never done anything wrong when it comes to my body, I promise.

Okay, 'cause we don't have to be in this coatroom, you know.

I actually make enough money to get us a hotel.

While that sounds, oh, so good, I, um...

[exhales sharply]

I'm gonna have to say something to you that I've never said to you before... no.

No?

It was so good to see you.

And you look, mmm, so yummy.

I just... I can't.

I love someone else.

Well... So do I.

Really, Brad?

No, no. Just... sorry.

♪

We're not engaged or anything.

[Cheers and applause]

Here we go.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Wowee.

I want to thank you all for coming.

Kathy Cho?

It is beautiful to look around and see so many of you have come out to support... my new line.

[Cheers and applause]

Uh, now, I would like to thank my lovely wife, Calista... [Cheers and applause] who believed in my vision and allowed me this opportunity to shine.

[Cheers and applause]

Now, if I could just take a minute and just tell you about...

Uh, honey, do you want me to do it?

Hmm?

Do you want me to do it?

I know... I know this must be hard for you.

It's okay.

What?

It's okay.

Okay.

Mnh.

Here we go.

Something dreadful came to our attention this morning, um, and we... and we didn't want to cancel the party because we... we wanted to speak out on the broadest platform we could to hopefully champion the cause.

You see, our Chinese ambassador of our little company, the civil rights guardian in the east, Lily Wu... thank you... she informed us that the factory we were using is employing underage children.

[Guests murmuring]

As you know, this is... this is something that's near and dear to our hearts here in the fashion industry, and this exploitation it must stop.

Luca here is... is taking full responsibility for his mistake in picking this factory and not doing the due diligence that he normally does when he's not being an artist and a C.F.O.

It's hard to wear two hats, honey.

So, unfortunately, the accessories by Luca line is going to be put on hold until we find another manufacturer.

But when we do, all proceeds... every penny... isn't that right, honey?... every penny will go to our new foundation to help victims of labor abuse.

Save the children!

[Cheers and applause]

Right?

Yes.

See how much she loves you now.

Hey. Where you going so early?

I have an early shift at the hospital today.

You gonna go on an empty stomach and deny yourself Alec's famous French toast?

Alec: What is this about French toast?

And nice try.

Spinach and egg whites for you.

I'm trying to entice Karen into staying for breakfast, but I don't think she's buying what I'm selling.

I have an early shift.

Good. You can meet us for dinner tonight at Alma.

You're taking us out into the world?

It sounds fun, but I'm not sure I'm free tonight.

You two go without me.

Karen, something's wrong.

Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.

You're a terrible liar.

[Chuckles] What are we doing?

Okay. Come.

Sit down. Let's talk.

Alec, I think you were right to begin with.

We're flying blind here.

I've never had a relationship with two single people at the same time, let alone a married couple.

I have deep feelings for you two, but if this all falls apart... who am I kidding?... when this all falls apart, you two will still have each other.

[Voice breaking] But where does that leave me?

Alec: Karen.

Oh, honey.

I'll always be the one who has to knock on the door.

[Sighs]

[Key clatters]

Vivian: Alec had it made it for you yesterday.

We figured since our house is your house, you should come and go as you please.

But mostly not go?

♪

Hey, Marc.

How many do you want?

No need to cook for me.

I'm good.

I'm letting Lucy sleep late after last night's excitement.

Listen, Marc...

What you did last night...

It was stupid. I know.

I never should have put the kids in that situation.

I was gonna say it was sweet, you taking Lucy to see my mural.

I get what you were trying to do, and I appreciate it.

No worries.

You all right?

Yeah. Perfect.

[Doorbell rings]

[Exhales deeply]

Lucy, would you come here, please?

You don't need to yell, Mom. I'm right here.

Just get the door, will you, please, smarty-pants?

[Sighs]

[Door opens]

Lucy: Grandma!

[April sighs] Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.

It was the right thing to do.

[Laughing] Oh, oh, oh.

You were freakin' genius.

Luca's face was priceless.

Hats off to you, lady.

Here.

Thanks.

Yes. Hats off to me.

Mm? Mm.

I'm so sorry.

Why are we not happy dancing right now?

I don't know. I... I stole his line back, I humiliated him in front of a large, Twitter-fearing crowd, and I got his 12-year-old mistress to leave him.

You'd think I would feel better.

Yeah, well, sometimes hurting someone else doesn't always take away your own hurt.

Anyway, um, so, what happened with this, uh, beautiful Brad?

Oh, yes, beautiful, sad, frustrated Brad didn't get lucky in the coatroom.

What? Why? He was delicious.

Yes, he was, but my heart still belongs to Harry.

And... I just think that when you really love someone, you can't be with anyone else.

♪

[Exhales sharply]

Hey.

[Laughing] Wow.

I can hear your thoughts.

You are freaking out right now.

Well, you can stop spinning.

I had a lot of fun last night.

You're amazing, by the way.

But I'm not gonna file a sexual-harassment suit or fall in love and start stalking you or anything like that.

This was definitely a, uh, one-time thing.

I've already got a jealous boyfriend.

You've got a... you've got a boyfriend?

That's... that's interesting.

Yeah.

It's Ellis.

Sorry?

You're, uh... [Chuckles nervously] You're Ellis' girlfriend?

His mistress, actually.

♪