02x09 - Jessie's Big Break

[bunniefuu]

Jessie, I can't use the new play area.

They're making a movie over there.

So use the play structure behind us.

Been there, climbed that.

Well, I brought a book you could read.

No!

Too easy.

I hear it's a big budget action movie, Tomb Robbers: Mayan Mayhem.

Why didn't you audition?

Because I'd prefer to make my feature debut in an independent, character driven film, where I can really explore my craft.

So, you auditioned and didn't get it?

Bingo.

Well, I'm going to go check it out.

Those extras are extra-cute.

(Chuckles) Stay close.

Jessie! Help!

Hang on, I'll save you!

Don't worry! I'll get you down!

Oh, I can get down. I just dropped my sandwich.

But I clothes-lined a Grandma to get up here!

Whoa!

(Grunts)

Jessie! Can you toss up my sandwich?

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

(Groaning)

Jessie, are you okay?

Well, I just plummeted fifteen feet, but luckily, Zuri's sandwich broke my fall.

Good thing I went with extra cheese.

Here, let me help you up, mate.

Whoa, you're really strong for a girl.

Actually, you're really strong for a superhero.

When you're raised in the outback with 8 brothers, you learn to hold your own.

Oh.

And stand upwind.

Eh.

Hey, now that my eyes are focusing again, you look really familiar. Aren't you...

Australian accent! Adorable dimples!

Oh! You're...

Shaylee Michaels!

You are my most totes fave actress ever!

Me too! I love your Tomb Robber movies!

Not as much as I love my fans!

But I gotta warn you, I'm a hugger!

I'm a huggee!

(Straining) This is great! I hope I remember it when I come to.

Sorry, little sprog. Don't know my own strength.

You don't sound like you do in your movies.

Oh, that's because when I play Professor Pepper, I use an American accent.

I'll take curly fries with that, please.

That was brilliant.

I remember how hard it was to master my perfect American accent.

What?

All: Nothing.

You know, Shaylee, we have a lot in common.

My best friend, Kenny, is from Australia.

Really? What part?

Well, technically, he was made in China.

He's a stuffed animal, but he'll still be the best man at our wedding.

Luke, heel!

Sorry, you'll have to excuse him.

Raging boy-mones.

Jessie?

Hm?

Tell Shaylee you want to be in her movie.

Emma, I can't ask a total stranger for a part in their movie.

By the way, my name is Jessie.

Now that we're buds, can I have a part in your movie?

Sorry, we're all cast.

Although I do need a new stunt woman.

Did the last one quit?

Well, that's what she muttered as they loaded her into the ambulance.

Well, most of her.

You know, I have tons of stunt experience.

No you don't...

Hey, yo!

I thought you might you're fall from that play structure was very impressive.

And look how fast your wounds scabbed over.

Well I do have a gift for clotting, everyone in my family is very clotty.

Then you've got the job. I'll send someone over to get your info.

See you on set.

Right. Got it. On set.

Ah! I'm going to be on set!

Jessie, are you crazy?

You're not a stunt woman!

I wasn't a nanny either, but that didn't stop me!

Jessie: I love going to the zoo.

Jessie, it is wonderful Shaylee got you in the movie, but while you are living out your dream by falling off tall objects, who will be looking after us?

Oh, Bertram. He didn't want to do it, but I know about this nerve on the neck.

It's amazing what people will agree to if you squeeze it just right.

Zuri, why so sad? Didn't you have fun seeing Zeebee at the zoo?

No! Poor Zeebee, he's a prisoner in that place!

Stuck behind bars, wearing stripes...

Uh, he is a zebra.

Zebra's are people too. And he looked so lonely. It's not fair!

Ravi and his pet are together every second of every day!

Yes, and frankly, it's a little creepy.

Hi, Shaylee.

Jessie! Welcome!

Thanks again for getting me this job.

Wow, this set is amazing, these rocks look so real!

Ow!

That's because they are.

Huh. I'm surprised they didn't teach you that in stunt school.

Oh, they did. I got a C-Minus in rocks.

Luke?

Whoa! I'm seeing double and I like it.

You've got ten seconds to explain why you're not in school, or else you're going to need a stunt double.

Well, dad called the Director, McD, and got permission for me to do a behind the scenes documentary for my film class.

So, I get to follow you around with a camera, but this time, not in a creepy, without-your-knowledge kind of way.

It might be less creepy if you weren't drooling so much.

And if you had that camera pointed at our faces.

No, I asked for a Choco-Doodle!

This is a Choco-Buddy! Do you know who my father is?

He is the head of the studio, and do you know why he gave me this directing job?

Because I know how to get what I want!

Ooh! And, it was a belated Bar Mitzvah gift.

L'Chaim.

Where's my stunt woman?

Hi, hi, McD. I'm right here.

So, how do you want me to play this scene?

Excited, scared, excitedly-scared?

I want you standing on this "X".

(Bell rings)

Got it. On the "X", excitedly-scared.

And...

And...

Action!

Cut! (Bell rings)

Okay, that was a great rehearsal.

Now let's do it for real.

That felt pretty real to me.

Giddy-up!

And now, it's a rug.

I miss Zeebee. I wish he could come home.

We can't have a big, smelly animal in an apartment.

But we have Bertram!

Good point.

I'm gonna call mom and dad and ask if they can get Zeebee back.

Zuri, mom and dad are never going to let you have a zebra in the house.

But maybe we can do it without asking permission.

I love not asking permission!

Almost as much as I love not brushing my teeth.

Yeah, we gotta talk about that.

Are you sure you're Christina Ross?

You look like a kid.

Oh, you're too kind. And you don't look a day over forty.

I'm twenty-seven.

Yikes.

Anyway, we'll take Zeebee now.

It is highly irregular for donors to ask to borrow their animals.

It's not like this is a lending library.

(Snorts)

Yes, understood, we're just asking to get our zebra, which is housed in the Ross Family Wild Animal Pavilion.

Which is located in the Ross Family African Adventure wing.

I don't know. I just can't...

B-T-W, what does it say on your paycheck?

The Ross Family Foundation... ooh.

Would you like Zeebee washed first?

We can make him smell like the rainforest, or a new car.

Good on you, Jessie!

You rocked it!

Literally, because I just caught a boulder with my face.

On the bright side, it really brings out the red in your cheeks.

That's blood.

Well, you make it work.

Thanks. You know, for a big movie star, you're really easy to talk to.

Oh, thanks!

(Sighs) I try, but you know, it's not that easy to make friends in this business.

You never know who you can trust.

You know, I was voted Most Trustworthy in my high school class.

Also, Most Likely to Marry a Rodeo Clown, which I don't tell very many people.

It's a good policy.

Probably.

I'm so used to being around adults on set.

It's really nice to have a girl my own age to talk to.

And it's really nice for me to talk to a girl without ending every sentence with...

"Because I said so".

Hey, you want to come hang out at my place later?

I would love to!

Ooh, could we do that thing where a girl goes to sleep over at another girl's house?

What do you call that?

A sleepover?

Yes, brilliant!

I've never had one of those.

What about your first movie, Past Your Dead-time.

Doesn't count. I got eaten by a Werewolf, before the first pillow fight.

Well, the only hairy, scary thing you'll encounter at our penthouse, is our Butler Bertram's back.

Oh, Shaylee, you were so brilliant when those boulders fell on you.

I really felt your pain.

Actually, that was my pain.

That's what makes her such a great actress.

The way that she used your pain.

I adore you.

You even taste amazing.

Oh, that's chocolate. I ate the last Choco-Doodle.

Mm...

Which you so deserve!

Because you are a bright, shining star.

That McD is a giant tool.

He's my boyfriend.

Which is American for talent!

Zeebee, would you like some tea?

No! Considering what I just mopped up, no more liquids!

Is that Zeebee? (Zeebee neighs)

Uh, no.

Please, sister. How dumb do you think I am?

Well, on a scale from Luke to Einstein...

I think you should check yourself, before you proceed to wreck yourself.

(Both sobbing)

That movie was so sad.

But at least Channing Tatum's soul will live on in Blake Lively's puppy.

Every time she says "fetch!", he'll bring her his heart!

This is really fun.

I'm so busy being in movies, I never to just sit and watch one with a mate.

Whereas I'm so busy sitting around watching them, I never have time to be in one.

So, how long have you been acting?

Since I was knee-high to a Wallaby.

Which is not the best place to be.

They're kickers.

Noted.

You know, you have had my dream life.

It hasn't all been dreamy.

Have you ever played peek-a-boo with Christopher Walken?

It's creepy.

Anything with Christopher Walken is creepy.

You know, Jessie, I'm really impressed with how you handle your stunts.

You're pretty tough for a city gal.

Actually, I was raised on a m*llitary base, which is no picnic.

Except, of course, for the annual Officer's Picnic.

See this scar?

Got it crawling through barbed wire.

Obstacle course?

No.

Nope. Sneaking out of my bedroom window.

Strict dad.

I got that b*at. See this scar?

Croc bite.

Whoa! That's pretty gnarly.

You should've seen the one I gave him.

Well, I will toast to your croc bite.

And I will toast to your barbed wire scar.

Hmm.

So, on to emotional scars.

Let's talk about guys.

How long have you and McD been an item?

Almost a year. I'm so lucky that we found each other.

I don't know what I'd do without him.

Isn't he a genius?

Well, that's what he put on the back of his Director's chair.

What about you? Is there a special guy in your life?

Two, actually. My boyfriend Tony, and the freckled one that's currently taping us from behind that chair.

Hello.

Hey, don't mind me!

But if you guys want to break out into an impromptu pillow fight, I put some on your chairs.

Hey!

Whoa!

Nice sh*t!

Wait for it.

You have got to teach me how to do that!

Thanks for helping me get Zeebee's dinner.

No probs. Tony's rat guy knows a goat guy, who knows a hay guy.

Bertram: ♪ I'm making stroganoff.

♪ At which those brats will scoff.

Hey! What's with the hay?

Uh...

It is a new health craze.

Zuri has been irregular.

Hey! Why me? Why not Emma?

Your zebra, your constipation.

So, eating hay is healthy?

Yup.

(Hoarsely) And it doesn't scratch your throat at all!

Good for you.

They're getting weirder every day.

Mcd: Action!

Cut! Print!

Bandage!

(Bell rings)

Jessie, that was awesome!

You bounced so high after the temple exploded!

You were like a kangaroo on a sugar bender.

That's what I was going for.

Hey, did the mic pick up the ripping cartilage sound?

Because it was really loud in my head.

Out here, too.

So, exciting news!

I spoke to McD last night and he agreed to write you a speaking role!

I actually have a speaking part in a big-time movie?

This is a dream come true!

(Crowd talking indistinctly)

I can't believe I'm going to the premiere of my first movie.

Thank you so much, Shaylee!

The popcorn is on me tonight.

Jessie, at a premiere, the popcorn is free.

No way!

Could this get any better?

(Gasps) We won Best Actresses before the movie even came out?

I guess it can get better!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

Jessie...

What are you doing?

Uh, this is just what we do before we eat a corn dog in America.

Thank you.

You know what we do before we eat food in the outback?

Huh?

We k*ll it.

Fun!

So, what's my part?

Okay, well, there's a vicious, corrupt, double crossing spy with an elaborate plan to take down Professor Pepper.

Wow, what an amazing character!

And you'll be playing her receptionist!

Oh. Who is also a spy!

No. She's just a receptionist.

But she plays by her own rules!

Sold!

I can't believe I'm going to get to act with my new best mate.

(In an Australian accent) Oh!

Listen to me, I'm a regular aussie.

Throw another shrimp on the...

Don't say it.

(Muffled) Barbie.

Do you think Zeebee liked the movie?

Not as much as he likes that chair.

Bertram: ♪ it's time to watch a flick.

♪ No kids to make me sick.

It's Bertram! Zuri, quick, hide Zeebee!

I'm on it.

Your zebra-hiding skills, while improving, are still sub-par.

(Chuckles nervously)

Ravi, why are you standing there?

Oh, I am just, uh...

Admiring this lovely poly-blend curtain.

It is like stroking happiness.

I would think that's odd, if it didn't come from a kid who bathes with his giant lizard.

(Clears throat)

(Laughs nervously)

Um, would you please move? I have a date with Dame Judi Dench.

She's two kinds of "dames," if you know what I mean. (Purrs)

Thankfully, I do not.

Would you please stop this?

I'm getting annoyed, and frankly, kinda sweaty.

Why did he stop? Tell him he has to move.

How? I don't speak zebra!

Why do I feel there's something going on?

Maybe because you have trust issues.

Who hurt you, Bertram?

Right now I'm trying not to hurt you!

Now, if you'll excuse me...

(Screams)

What the...

Who's in there?

Sorry, Bertram.

Why did you just kick me? And why did it hurt so much?

Oh, blame Jessie.

She's the one who signed me up for soccer.

I think it might be safer to just watch TV in my room.

Come on, "M". Let's bond.

I better keep Zeebee in my room from now on.

That is a good idea.

Which I believe brings you to one for the week!

(Breathing heavily)

It's okay, I got it from here.

Are you sure?

Because for the past hour you've been calling me Frodo.

I'm fine.

Okay.

Gonna fall.

Whoa!

Wow, Jessie, I haven't seen you look this bad ever.

And that includes your panda bear sweater stage.

On the bright side, I've lost so much blood, I think I'm down a dress size.

Jessie...

Maybe you should think about quitting the movie before you quit, you know, breathing.

I can't. McD gave me a line in the movie.

So, I just have to survive all of my stunts until my big scene.

Do you guys hear bells?

(Both scream)

Your ear just fell off!

Guy's relax. It's a fake from the movie.

I hope.

(Screams)

Channing, stop it.

Oh, you animal.

(Gasps)

Ah! Animal!

Found him.

Guys, was there just a zebra in here licking my face?

What? Pfft...

No!

You must have taken one too many hits to the coconut.

But how come my cheek is wet?

Oh, that was me licking your face.

Because you're so darn sweet!

Thank you?

(Phone rings)

Ah! I'm late for the set!

I'm just a few concussions away from filming my speaking role!

Bertram, stop!

You can't go in there!

Why not?

I don't know.

No, no, no!

(Zeebee neighs)

(Bertram gasps)

Zeebee, stop!

Well, I tried.

What is Zeebee doing?

(Shrieking)

Making a new friend.

Why is there a zebra licking me?

Dressed like that, you were asking for it.

I'm so sorry that the kids tricked you, Ms. Lumpkey.

I knew you weren't Christina Ross.

And yet, you forked over a zebra.

In my defense, I hadn't spoken to a human in six months.

Bye, Zeebee. It was great having you here.

(Clears throat)

Except for when you fertilized Emma's closet.

(Clears throat)

And tried to make Bertram your special friend.

(Neighs)

Hey, is that a Giant Asian Water Monitor in your living room?

No, it's my Aunt Grace, who just flew in from Florida.

We begged her to use sunblock.

Do you have the paperwork to own this animal?

I don't own it. I just despise it.

Because, if you don't have the proper paperwork, I'll have to confiscate this lizard.

(All gasping)

It's the law.

No, you can't!

For some reason, the owner is really attached to it!

Maybe we can work something out?

Would you take our brother, Luke instead?

He's a really good dancer!

No can do. We already have two dancing bears, and they are divas.

McD?

Go for McD.

Hi, I have a few questions about my receptionist character.

Does she ever get a case of the mondays?

Or maybe she's just doing it until her music career kicks off?

F-Y-I, I sing a little.

Uh, you know what, Jessie?

How about we work on the scene tonight, over dinner?

Oh, sounds great. I'd love to have dinner with you and Shaylee.

(Chuckles)

Who said anything about Shaylee?

I'll see you tonight.

Suddenly, I have a few questions about his character.

Whoa!

Does Bertram know you borrowed one of his shirts?

McD's coming over and I think he likes me, so I don't want to look too attractive.

Well...

Mission accomplished.

(Elevator bell rings)

Hey, Jessie.

Hey, McD. Good to see you here as a friend and colleague.

Doing friendly, colleague-y things.

Okay, uh...

So, here's the scene that I've written for you.

So, what do you say we uh...

Get down to business?

Action!

"You're the most powerful Director in the world, and in no way living in your father's shadow. Kiss me!" What?

I've got a little rewrite for you.

(Grunts)

(Groans)

Why'd you do that?

Because your girlfriend wasn't here to do it.

Okay, well, if she were here, that'd be awkward.

It is awkward!

How could you do this to Shaylee?

She's my friend and she trusts you.

This is going to break her heart.

That's true, uh...

Which is exactly why you're not going to tell her.

Okay... (Elevator bell rings) Maybe I can't tell her. But there is one thing I can do.

What?

This. (Screams) And this. And this! And scene.

(Groans) You bruised my business.

Whoa, Bertram, you're cooking enough food to feed a whole family!

Too bad it's this family.

I don't know how to tell Ravi that Lumpkey took Mrs. Kipling.

So, to soften the blow, I've made him his favorite foods.

Zuri, are you leading me into a surprise birthday party?

Your birthday was two months ago.

That would be the surprise.

(Gasps)

All my favorite desserts!

Phirni! Shakkarpara! Laddoo!

What did you do, Bertram?

It wasn't my fault! Right, Emma?

Zuri?

You're on your own, big guy.

Thanks for your support.

Okay, here goes.

When the zookeeper came to take Zeebee, she also took Mrs. Kipling, because we didn't have the proper paperwork.

(Gasps)

Laddoo?

Ravi, are you okay?

No.

Is there anything we can do to help?

Yes. Hold down Bertram while I b*at the Ladoo-doo out of him!

Ah! (Screams)

(Both grunting)

(Clattering)

Ravi said "doo-doo".

Hey, Jessie!

Hey, Shaylee.

So, I was watching a rough cut of your stunts, last night and they were amazing.

You are one gigantic tool! Hey!

Oh. Right. Thank you.

So, what did you do last night?

Why, what'd you hear?

I mean, nothing! Nothing!

Let's go to craft service. I'm in the mood for a grilled cheat...

Cheese. A grilled cheese sandwich.

(Chuckles nervously)

Hey, beautiful.

Uh, I need to borrow Jessie so we can discuss her next stunt.

What? I thought I was done with those.

Yeah, Jessie has her big speaking role today.

Oh, we'll get to that. But first, I added a few more stunts.

(Inhales)

How are you at dangling?

(Screams)

(Grunting)

(Hissing)

(Screams)

(Grunts)

And...

And...

Cut.

(Bell rings)

That last vine had fangs!

If you can't take it, then quit.

Oh, that would be convenient, wouldn't it?

Because if you fire me, Shaylee will get suspicious.

You're pretty smart for an actress.

You consider me an actress?

If you think I can't take this, you've never been camping with my dad.

I won't even tell you what we use when we run out of water.

Koko?

I know you have the map to the hidden treasure!

(Gibbering)

No, Koko. I'll squash you like a banana!

(Screams)

Cut! Stunt woman! (Bell rings)

Bring in the real gorilla!

Wait! What about the guy in the suit?

He's gorilla-like.

I saw him picking nits out of the Cameraman's hair.

Well, if you don't want to do it, I'm sure we can find a new stunt woman.

Bring on the ape.

(Whistles)

(Gorilla growling)

Hi, Koko. Who's a good gorilla?

(Metal clinking)

Hey, pipe down, or I'll turn the hose on you, you big handbag!

Ow!

Mrs. Kipling!

Thank the Gods you are okay!

I will have you out of here in two shakes of your own tail.

These documents prove that my pet came into this country legally, and therefore must be remanded into my custody.

In other words, leggo my lizard!

Yeah, it also says this lizard is a male and anybody can see that she's a female.

How can you tell?

I'm a trained zoologist.

Plus, her nails are painted pink.

Hey, I told her to go with a clear gloss!

Please, Ms. Lumpkey, can't you overlook this one tiny mistake?

Ravi loves Mrs. Kipling!

You can't keep her!

Oh, I'm not keeping her.

All: Yes!

I'm sending her back to India.

All: No!

You cannot send my best friend back to India!

She is a New York City lizard now.

Well, if she can make it here, she can make it anywhere.

(Mrs. Kipling growls)

Ow!

That lizard has got to stop throwing stuff at me!

It was not the lizard.

(Grunts)

(Shuddering)

Jessie? (Gasps)

Are you okay?

No.

McD's really put me through the wringer.

Well, which stunt has been the worst?

The actual giant wringer he just put me through.

That's it! This has got to stop.

No one puts the squeeze on my squeeze!

Luke... Luke!

Legs numb! Oh!

Yo, McD!

I don't like how you're treating my lady!

Who? Jessie? Isn't she a little bit old for you?

Hey, I grew an inch last year!

I'm almost at chin level!

The point is, Jessie is the nicest, sweetest, coolest girl in the world!

She means everything to me!

So don't you dare...

Hey, do you wanna meet Mila Kunis?

Because I can make that happen.

Awesome! Thanks!

Jessie, guess what McD is going to do?

Stop making me do all these dangerous stunts?

No.

Actually, that uh...

Didn't come up.

But on the bright side, I get to meet Mila Kunis.

(Grumbling)

Hold it right there.

Whoa!

I know you guys are about to sneak into the zoo to get Mrs. Kipling back.

Uh...

Why would you think that?

Uh, because Emma asked me to press her favorite "sneaking around" hat.

Just because we're trying not to be seen doesn't mean we can't look our best.

Don't you guys think Ms. Lumpkey is going to notice a seven foot lizard missing from her little zoo jail?

No, because we plan to switch Mrs. Kipling with another Asian water monitor lizard.

Duh.

Where did you get another giant lizard?

Tony knows a guy.

And yet, he can't get me a taxi with two hours' notice.

Look, I can't let you guys break into a zoo to steal a giant lizard.

Why not?

Please!

Get in my way, Bertram, and the last thing you shall see will be my tiny, doll-like fists pummeling you.

Let me finish! I meant you're not going without me.

Yes. Yay!

Thank you, Bertram.

I will put these bad boys away.

You can't make me talk, Pepper.

Arg! Ye can't make me talk, Pepper!

Luke, I have my big scene in five minutes.

Which is better, southern receptionist or pirate receptionist?

Sorry, what was that, Mila?

Jessie.

Jessie.

Ugh. Here comes that jerk McD.

Don't worry, Jessie. I will not leave your side.

Hey, Luke.

The special effects guys are blowing up a car on stage seven.

Awesome!

I can't believe you haven't quit yet.

And by the way, the gorilla did not appreciate the purple nurple you gave him.

I felt just as weird about it as he did.

And you'll have to throw me from a moving train before I'll quit!

But please don't.

Fine. Let's do the scene.

Shari, I'm going to need a train.

Jessie, I'm so excited for you!

You finally get to speak and act, instead of falling off something horrible onto something more horrible, that's on fire.

Yeah, well, this is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.

Thank you so much.

It's hug time!

Oh! Bring it on.

At this point, most of my internal organs have been liquefied anyway.

Ooh! I do hear an odd sloshing sound.

That's my pancreas.

I just hope I can make you really proud when I do my scene.

You'll be great. You just have to put your trust in McD.

I do.

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

Mcd: Shaylee is the worst actress I've ever worked with.

She's just lucky to have me as a Director.

You have a great look.

Have you ever thought about acting?

Oh! That's it!

(Thud)

(Koko growls)

Oh, get lost, Koko!

And that goes for you too, sister!

Take a five!

What's your problem?

You're my problem!

Shaylee is an amazing actress and a great friend, and she deserves so much better than you!

It doesn't get much better than McD.

(Scoffs)

Uh, I think it McDoes! You know what?

I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place, and tell Shaylee the truth about you.

Guys, is everything okay?

No, it's not okay! Shaylee, there's something you need to know.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm the one who should tell her.

Shaylee...

Jessie hit on me.

Both: What?

No! He hit on me!

Why would I do that?

Look, I didn't want to tell you Shaylee, because you guys are friends and I knew that her betrayal would break your heart.

Jessie, is this true?

No! He's lying! I would never lie to you!

Oh, yeah?

Well, I called up the Union last night, and Jessie's not even a licensed stunt woman!

Ba-boosh!

Liar!

Okay, that wasn't a lie, more like a fib.

But I swear that's the only time I didn't tell you the truth!

Well, except that time when I said I liked that movie you did with Katherine Heigl, and that was more about her than you!

Jessie, I thought I'd finally made a real friend.

I am your friend.

No, you're not.

And you're not in this movie anymore, either, Jessie, you're fired!

Security, get her off my set!

What? No! No! Hey! Ow!

I've got two hands, and I'm not afraid to nurple!

Watch it. You ask Koko how I bring it!

Well, that was surprisingly easy.

Yeah, anybody can slip through a window.

A little help here?

Come on guys, on three. One, two, three!

(All screaming)

(Groans)

Now, I know how Bertram's yoga mat feels.

(Mrs. Kipling growling)

Mrs. Kipling! I am here to rescue you.

Freedom!

Ravi, quiet!

(Whispering) Freedom.

Oh, Mrs. Kipling, you look so thin.

As soon as we get home, I am going to cook you ratatouille, with extra rat.

Not with my pots, you're not.

Do not worry, Gladys.

You will enjoy India.

And remember to write!

Okay, Ravi, you got Mrs. K, now let's get out of here!

(Security alarm ringing)

(Clears throat)

Emma, when you were opening the door, did it ever occur to you there is a reason we came in through the window!

(Security alarm stops)

(Gasps)

You! What do you think you're doing?

The alarm just went off. How did you get here so quickly?

Well, it's not because I was sleeping in the monkey habitat, if that's what you're implying!

No one was implying that.

I'm calling the cops!

You guys are going to jail!

No!

Mrs. Kipling, I have failed you.

Please forgive me.

Look um...

Mildred...

Obviously you love animals. You live with them, you care for them...

You have slumber parties with them.

Can't you help out a fellow animal lover?

Please, please, please let Ravi keep his lizard.

Yeah, after Mrs. Kipling, Ravi's best friend is...

Actually, I don't think he has any other friends.

Can't you do this for our pathetic brother?

I wish I could.

I'm a big loser who only gets along with animals, too.

Okay, people, now we are just piling on!

But I absolutely, positively cannot break the rules and...

How would you like the Ross Family Primate Habitat to be renamed the "Mildred Lumpkey Monkey House?"

I'd love it!

And, I'll just send this lizard back to India instead of Mrs. Kipling.

So we have a deal! (Spits)

Okay, that's just gross, and I have to floss the hippos.

Guess what, Gladys. You're going home.

How did you know her name was Gladys?

She just looks like a Gladys.

And Ms. Lumpkey, can you promise to give Zeebee extra carrots and a kiss every night before bedtime?

Sure, I'll even cuddle with him at night if you like.

That's okay.

You won't believe it! That slime ball McD just fired me off the movie!

Ow!

That's horrible! But I still get a date with Mila Kunis right?

I mean, that's horrible!

Ugh. Do we have to watch this?

I don't need to be reminded that I just lost my first movie role, and the most amazing friend I've ever had.

Not to mention messing up my documentary.

Yeah, I've really got to work on this whole empathy thing.

Yeah.

Wait! Wait! Did you see that?

The prop guy eating six donuts simultaneously?

Awesome, right? I think he unhinged his jaw to get the last one in.

Not that! That!

This video will prove to Shaylee that I wasn't lying and that McD is a huge McJerk.

Jessie, wait!

What?

(Chuckles nervously)

Just so you know, if you rewind too far, you may or may not see footage of you sleeping in your bedroom.

Huh, all this time, I thought that drool on the pillow was mine.

(Grunting)

(Snake hissing)

I hate snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?

Get me out of here.

(Grunting)

Cut! No! (Bell rings)

No, no, no! No, no, no!

Do it again, and make it better!

More uh...

Stunty!

Make the whole thing stuntier!

Oh look! There's Shaylee.

Great! Now we just have to run over there before McD catches us.

(Grunts)

(Screams)

It's hard to run when your feet aren't on the ground.

Put me down, you big ape! It's not the actual ape again, is it?

No, but that can be arranged.

(Grunting)

(Shrieks)

Ah! Not the face!

Stop them! Action!

(All grunting)

(Laughs)

Wow! Got you!

Come here.

(Grunting)

Ha ha! Suckers!

Whoa!

Shaylee!

Wait! Please.

Jessie, I don't want to hear it.

But I have proof that McD is the one you can't trust!

Please, just no more lies!

Hey! Jessie never lies!

Well, she lied about being a stunt woman, and about liking my movie with Katherine Heigl!

Okay, so she lies like a rug!

But she's not lying about this!

Shaylee, the proof is in this camera.

Look if you want. But just know, I am your friend, and I can't stand knowing you're with some guy who doesn't really care about you.

That's what McD does to my hair.

Oh, oh, oh big deal!

I do that to everybody!

Hey, big guy.

Uh, great job, doing whatever it is that you do.

Jessie, wait!

Who else has McD hit on?

(Grunting)

McD, how could you do this?

I trusted you.

Shaylee, come on, let's not blow this out of proportion.

Technically, it's just one mistake, that I keep making over and over again.

Keep digging, pal.

Okay, keep out of this!

Shaylee, forgive me.

We're at a temple.

Let me worship you.

I'd rather get kissed by Koko.

No, you wouldn't.

McD, give it up. We are through!

Fine, whatever. Let's just move on to the next sh*t.

You should get to the unemployment line, because you are fired.

What? You can't do that!

I'm gonna tell my dad on you!

Go ahead.

My contract states that I get Director approval, and you are now un-approved.

Daddy?

Uh, Shaylee says she can fire me!

That's not true, is it?

Oh.

Not cool, dad!

(Grunts)

And...

And...

Fired!

Please remove Timmy Finkleberg from the set.

Who's Timmy Finkleberg?

That's my real name.

There's not a Mc or a D anywhere in there.

You disgust me!

On second thought, I'll take care of this.

(Grunts)

(Groans)

Good distance! He's not gonna come flying back, is he?

Jessie, I'm so sorry. I should have believed you.

I guess I'm just new to this whole best friends thing.

Can you ever forgive me?

Of course. Look, I know how bad boyfriends can mess with your head.

I once let this guy Pete borrow my car.

Haven't seen it since.

Every once in a while, I get a parking ticket from Arizona.

Hey, now that we're besties again, would you maybe want to go with me to the premiere of Chris Hemsworth's new movie at the Cannes Film Festival?

Would I!

Oh!

There goes my pancreas.

This would make a great double feature with my Jessie sleeping movie.

Which (Chuckles) May or may not exist.

I should take that camera away from you, or start locking my door.

Hey, if it wasn't for Luke's creepy camera work, I'd still be with McD.

Bring it in, sprog!

Come here.

Awesome!

So, did you like my documentary?

Loved it!

Although I could've done without the bonus feature of that gorilla giving me a noogie.

Hey, Zuri. I heard about Zeebee's adventure in the penthouse.

Now that he's back at the zoo, are you okay?

Yeah. Ms. Lumpkey said they're getting a new zebra to keep Zeebee company.

Plus, I realized it's silly to keep a zebra in the apartment.

That's a lesson I never thought you would need to learn, but very sensible.

So, what's with the bowl of milk?

Oh, this is for my new kitty.

You want to meet him?

Oh! We got a kitty? Where is the little guy?

He's out here.

Oh!

(Gasps) Whoa!

I am not scooping that kitty litter.

(Whistling)

You have got to be kidding.

(Growling)

(Screaming)

Bertram has got to stop buying animal print pajamas.