02x03 - It All Depends on You

[bunniefuu]

[tapping]

And winds...

Let's not forget about those grace notes in the second bar of the diminuendo, okay?

Let's keep them.

We need them for that sense of yearning, of sadness, okay?

So it's not like... [somber humming]

No, no, it's more like... [playful humming]

You know? We... we... we...

Just keep them there, okay?

Ready, and...

[laughter] Okay.

That's very funny. Okay.

I'm laughing with you on this one, okay.

Let's... let's... let's get back to work, okay?

Ready, and...

Okay. Okay, that was the second time, and it is not funny, the joke, the second time because it's, like, over explained.

[metal squeak] [inhale]

Guys, what's happening?

No, I'm not laughing anymore. Look.

Look. I'm not laughing, okay?

Let's get back to work, okay?

Come on. [crunches]

Guys, this is in really bad taste.

I mean I'm... Wha...

Warren Boyd, what are you doing?

Get back to your seat, Warren Boyd.

Warren Boyd.

[breathes heavily]

Good morning...

Good morning.

...my new friend.

I love the gray in your beard.

Mm. It's the march of the time, you know?

It's sexy.

And your skin.

What about my skin?

It's like a goat skin pouch where I can keep all my little jewels.

Okay...

[cell phone rings]

Hold it. Hold that thought.

Gloria?

Rodrigo, what's going on there?

Hey. It's early even for your standards.

I got a call this morning from the manager of your building.

Are you throwing some kind of an orgy?

Orgy? No.

She's really very upset.

No. No. No, it's not an orgy.

It's not a... it's like a... no, it's like a...

Like a bacchanal, you know? Like in a plaza, yeah.

You're throwing a bacchanal?

Yeah.

[knocking at door]

They're very loud.

I... hold on one second.

Hold one second.

One second, Gloria. Hey, Mr. Hamburg.

Hey, how are you? You okay?

Not so great, Mr. DeSouza.

It's a little loud.

Loud? I will tell them to quiet down, yes?

Changes will be made. Changes will be made.

I'm afraid changes have already been made.

Rodrigo...

Gloria?

Hey, do you want to join our drum circle?

I don't really have time for circles.

Who doesn't have time for circles?

You're gonna have to find another place to live.

Oh, wait.

Mr. Hamburg is telling me that I have to go.

I have to go. Okay. Okay.

Go... where are you going?

We all have to go!

Everybody, we have to go!

It doesn't have to be this minute.

Nobody is listening to me.

Gloria...

I mean this is a sign, right?

What do you mean it's a sign?

I have to go.

Where are you gonna go?

I don't know. I don't know.

[indistinct chatter]

I don't know.

Whoa.

[groans]

11:00 a.m. and you're drinking already?

It's not hooch. It's distilled water.

You should have some.

Hydration is the best thing for jet lag.

You've been home for a week.

Do not shame him.

I think I'm gonna fall asleep right here.

Oh, no. That's not happening.
Get up. Come on. Get up!

It's so comfortable on the table. Pillow was so nice...

Just walk it off.

I'm so tired.

On your feet.

Please, let me just sleep.

Elizabeth, there's a couch right here; it's not nice.

I'll be up in a little bit.

Come on. No, no.

Remember when we went scuba diving?

Remember when you ran out of air?

Yes.

Do you remember what we did?

We buddy breathed.

That's right.

All the way to the surface.

Okay. You're right. I can do this.

I can stay up today...

Mm-hmm.

Go to bed early, get a great night's sleep...

Perfect.

Wake up refreshed tomorrow.

sh**t the Ferndale.

What are you doing at the Ferndale?

sh**ting it for my podcast.

Oh, cool. Can I come?

The place is like a famous musician's building.

That's a great idea.
Can Hailey and I come?

Typically, I'm kind of a one-man band, but I mean yeah.

Maybe it'd be nice to have you guys there.

Thank you. Oh, my God.
This is amazing news.

Thank you so much! Wow.

What? Your test results come back negative?

No. That was yesterday.

That was my agent. I got it.

I booked Danse Haus.

What?

It's mine, yeah.

Wait, what? You're gonna be on Danse Haus?

Yeah, dude. Yes.

No way.

That's awesome.

Wait, why is there high-fiving?

What is Danse... what is Danse Haus?

It's a dance reality show.

It's the best.

I love Danse Haus.

You like reality TV?

I like Danse Haus.

Alex, when do you leave?

Uh, I don't know.

Soon. Very soon.

Have you seen my white tights?

I feel like last time I saw them, they were in your room.

I wore them, and I stretched them out.

I'm really sorry.

Not again.

[giggles]

Oh, God.

I want to throw you a going away party.

Yeah. I don't know.

The thing is, like, if I say yes to this gig, I have to leave for L.A., like, right now.

What do you mean "if"?

Well, I mean there's some factors involved.

Like, what kind of factors?

Like, it's a three-month commitment, Hailey.

I know. You told me.

Yeah. I just talked to the producers, and they said that if I take this, I can't have any contact with the outside world, so... I can't... talk to my parents or friends or see you.

Well, that's really lame, but I think that you should do it.

This is a really good opportunity for you.

You do?

I do.

Cool. Well, then pack my bags.

Okay. So on the pension vesting, they came back at seven years.

It's always been five years.

Well, there could be some wiggle room.

No, no. We're not wiggling.

We'll go back hard with five.

I don't think we should come on too strong.

The game is chess, not checkers.

You gotta be aggressive.

Oh, I can be aggressive.

Can you?

Cat fight in E minor.

Seriously, Warren?

Oh, sh*t.

You know, I think I forgot one of my folders up in the room.

Take five.

Hey, don't worry.

We're good at taking five.

Waiter.

Hey, where are you going?

To the bathroom.

That okay with you?

I'll take another Old-Fashioned.

Bob?

What's in that again?

Whiskey, crushed sugar, dash of bitters.

Do you want one?

Nah. I'm bitter enough.

[elevator music]

Hey.

Hey.

So we haven't talked about what happened the other day.

I mean, what you said to me.

Right, right.

I apologize. That was...

Thank you.

'Cause I think this negotiation's too important to mess up.

No, you're right, and it's not gonna happen again, I promise.

Good.

Even if I do think you're f*cking hot as hell.

[elevator bell dings]

Oh, you should go first. I'll follow.

Okay.

Hey. Tinkle, tinkle, little star.

Jesus, Bob. What are you, five?

Okay, so... where were we?

Where's your folder?

Uh, you know, I must have left my brain up in the room as well.

Be right back.

Take two on taking five.

It is beautiful, Gloria.

Thank you so much for letting me stay at your place.

Oh, please, do you know how many women would k*ll to have you as their roommate?

And your assistant can pick up the rest of your things tomorrow.

Oh, no. But this is it.

That's it? That's all you have?

That's all I need.

Well, for today, yes.

But tomorrow, you may want more than a roller bag.

But what could I possibly want?

I don't know. A home of your own?

So I'm gonna hop in the shower, but maybe we can order some takeout.

Yes. Hop, hop.

Hop the takeout, yes.

Just make yourself at home!
Mi townhouse es su townhouse.

Gracias.

Minus the drum circles, of course.

Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[giggles] [hums]

[classical music]

♪

[shower running]

♪ I could be happy ♪
♪ I could be sad ♪
♪ I can be cruel ♪
♪ I can be bad ♪
♪ It all depends ♪
♪ On you ♪
♪ I can be beggar ♪
♪ I can be king ♪
♪ I can be almost ♪
♪ Any old thing ♪
♪ It all depends on... ♪
Oh!

Gloria, what have you been hiding?

What do you mean? Nothing.

Your voice, so beautiful.

Oh, you're too kind.

No. No "kind," no.

You should be performing in front of an audience.

Oh, well. I used to.

Gloria Antoinette.

Gloria Antoinette?

My late husband thought it unbecoming.

Oh, who cares?

He's late.

I have always dreamed of singing in public again.

Well, you should.

Why don't you?

I couldn't.

Why not?

Because I'm surrounded by the most brilliant musicians in the world.

I'm not an artist like you people are.

I'm just an amateur.

"Amateur."

You say that as if it was a dirty word or something, but "amateur" comes from the Latin word "amare," which means love, love.

To do things for the love of it.

I see you found my lotions.

Soothing, right?

Beyond. Yeah.

Do you think that my skin is like a goat skin's pouch?

[laughs] No. Who said that?

Yeah. Mm. Mm.

Gloria, we are notes in this beautiful concert of existence.

If we don't play ourselves, nobody will.

I want to hear Gloria Antoinette sing again in public.

A big audience, eh?

[chuckles]

À demain.

[humming]

Hi. This is B Sharp, a musical podcast where classical music is our forte.

I am Bradford Sharp. I stand now at the Ferndale home for artists, erect... line?

Erected in 1932 as part of FDR's New Deal.

Erected in 1932 as part of FDR's New Deal, this building was a home for musicians, thespians, and artists of all...

1934. Actually, 1932, and the reason I remember that is because it was in 1932 that FDR repealed the Provision Act.

We didn't have to go to speakeasies anymore, and knock on the door and say, "Joe sent me."

[chuckles] Wow. Thank you.

Sir, if you're who I think you are, and I'm pretty sure you are, it's an honor. You are...

Marcello Gallitelli, the famous oboist.

Well, Toscanini liked me.

Klemperer liked me.

Furtwängler liked me.

I'm Bradford Sharp.

This is Ms. Elizabeth Campbell.

Hi.

How do you do? My pleasure to meet you.

I'm Hailey. It's wonderful to meet you.

Hailey plays oboe for the New York Symphony.

Well, I'm just a sub for now, but...

Substitute? But not for long.

You look like a first oboist to me.

Wow.

Why don't we go up to my place because I think it's time to mix a few cocktails, don't you think so?

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

Hailey, tell me. Do you know that joke, "How does an oboist make $1 million?"

Start with $2 million?

Oh!

If you could have lunch with any musician or composer of classical music in all of history, who would it be?

I suppose it would be with Puccini.

"Un bel di" from "Madame Butterfly" by Puccini. Yeah.

That has a very, very difficult oboe solo in the very beginning.

Hailey, do you ever play that opera?

No, but I would love to.

It reminds me of Marcel Tabuteau.

Hot sh*t first prize conservatory winner.

He joined the Metropolitan Opera Orchestra.

And Toscanini was the conductor.

Toscanini was, in my opinion, the essence of a conductor.

Many players, brass players, and woodwind players, like oboes, and they had to modify their way of playing, way of thinking, in order to satisfy his demands.

What do you think of Mozart?

Ah, Mozart, for me, was a supreme genius of all-time.

He was a kind of composer who could be playing pool with you, and between sh*ts, he would sit at the table and write some more of a symphony or string quartet.

He was once invited to a very swank party, and he came to the party.

He hadn't shaved in three or four days, and his wig was askew, and he had been drinking.

The nobility regarded him with horror.

He turned around, and he said... [speaking German]

Which means, "Anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass," and he walked out.

This is... I'm in heaven.

Thank you so much. Wow.

Mr. Gallitelli, I've never seen my boyfriend this happy.

I'm jealous.

No.

You have nothing to be jealous about.

And you, what are you staring at?

Why don't you pick one of those up?

Yes, that's... you see, the one you have in your hands right now, that's the one I use for all baroque music like Bach and Handel and Mozart and Haydn.

Now, the other one is for everything else.

Hailey, why don't you play something for me?

Oh, no, Mr. Gallitelli, I can't do that.

both: Oh, yes, you can.

Yes.

You must play something.

Don't be so timid because, my dear, you'll never be a first oboist.

A first oboist has to be an extrovert, a showoff.

You've got to be a prima donna.

I want to hear you sing. Sing!

Okay.

Something lyrical.

[classical music]

♪

Brava, brava. That was beautiful.

My dear, I can assure you that you're going to have a career.

Thank you.

And you played so well that I think you deserve a drink.

I think we all deserve a drink, don't you?

My dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the bond of holy matrimony of Mr. Vodka...

[laughs]

And Ms. Vermouth.

But only... only a small drop for Ms. Vermouth.

I love it here.

You okay?

Mm-hmm.

I'm fine. Yeah.

All right. Hit me.

[giggles]

It's not just one thing.

Alex is leaving.

Things are crazy at work, and being here is...

[sighs]

I think I'm gonna get a place of my own.

What?

I don't know.

You and Bradford are so happy.

You should be able to be at home without the sound of oboe scales just constantly going on in the background.

You almost fell into a volcano.

Twice.

[giggles]

Well, maybe I should too.

Yeah.

Ladies, where are our drinks?

Coming!

To be continued.

[classical music]

♪

[breathes heavily] [screams]

Please accept our deepest condolences for this incredible loss which is all the greater now because we will never hear the maestro's beautiful interpretation of Beethoven's Fifth as our guest conductor.

Include a lot of roses, Michelle, in the message, please.

A lot of... Maestro! Yes?

I think I've got some good news.

Sikorsky is in?

Oh, no, no. He's booked at La Scala.

And Graham?

Yes, he's already committed.

Graham?

To a sanitarium near Geneva, but don't fret... pun intended...

I have found somebody.

Who?

Lennox.

Rehearsal in five. Rehearsal in five.

Oh. That's an interesting idea.

Yeah. People say that he's got a little bit of talent.

Oh, no. He's a prodigy.

He'll definitely... I mean, they say that he can conduct all night long.

Maybe. Maybe, but does that make him ready to...

Maestro, can he conduct the New York Symphony?

Is he ready?

Funny you should say that.

That's exactly what the board said before they hired you.

Your decision, Maestro.

[Beethoven's Fifth]

♪

[groans]

Maestro!

What the hell's going on?

I couldn't help myself.

I mean what do you do when you see a Ferrari idling with the keys in it, hey?
I was gonna bring it back.

Maestro, meet Lennox.

The pleasure is all mine.

I'm still pinching myself.

Never in my wildest did I think I'd be hanging with two of my idols from the older generation.

We are delighted to have you with us.

And you know, I had a few goes at the fifth myself.

Yes, of course.

It's the definitive version.

I did it as well to some acclaim.

Oh, you did it?

A few years ago.

Yeah. I know. I know. I saw it.

The way you brought the piccolos in in the fourth movement... so simple, in a good way.

You were there?

Well, I was ten at the time, but I saw it online.

Wicked respectful.

Respectful?

Wicked respectful.

Yes.

Listen, why don't we get together later on?

Maybe we could have a... the three of us, and have a boy's night out or something?

I'd love to but I've got custody tonight.

Yeah.

Her name's Allegra Non Troppo.

[baby crying]

Allegra, hey.

I love the acoustics in here!

I don't think she likes you much, mate.

Producers can't stop us from texting, right?

Yeah.

I got you something. [giggles]

New white tights!

Cool, cool. Thanks.

Sorry about that, yeah.

Yeah. Look.

It's three months. It's gonna be fine.

Just stop it!

Stop what?

Like, trying to manage my feelings.

Just please stop the bullshit and be honest for once.

You're happy I'm going.

What are you talking about?

You didn't even try to seem sad.

That's because I'm not an actor playing a role.

I'm your girlfriend.

Yeah, exactly.

That's why you should be more ambivalent.

Okay. That's just weird.

What? No. Actually it's normal to, like, want the person that you're supposedly in a relationship with to be upset when you're going away for months.

Listen. Do you know what?
Please, can you try to care about something a little bit more than your oboe, okay?

Alex, hold on!

Stop!

What?

So that's it?
You're just gonna walk away?

Well, what do you want me to do?

See that?

That's the problem right there.

Come on, Bobby!

Let's go!

Come on, Bob. Let's go, let's go!

[cheering]

Boo!

Whoo!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Oh, boo!

Whoo!

Oh, don't jazz hands me, you m*therf*ckers.

Drop your socks and grab your jocks.

Babe Ruthless is up!

Wait for a good one!

All right!

Hey. Watch it, sister.

Stop trying to give me the brushback.

Well, tell your tits to stop crowding the plate, then.

Can't help it.

Don't you talk about her tits.

Let's go, baby.

Are you ready, pitcher?

[all speaking at once]

Wait for a good one!

Wait for a good one!

What are you talking about?

Oh, Jesus.

Ball!

Maestro?

"Hai Lai," hey. What are you doing here?

Are you spying on us?

No. I told them not to do softball, and look at them. They're softballing.

Well, why don't you just go in there and stop us?

I wanted to. That was why I came for, but then I saw the game, it got good, and I got conflicted.

Ball!

I don't know why I'm worrying.

You couldn't hit water if it fell out of a boat.

Well, you couldn't hit a high C if it fell from D!

So how's the practicing?

Practicing is going really well.

Good.

I'm glad you're not getting distracted by... social distractions.

Like donor events?

I thought you said that the falcon must take wing.

"Falcon"?

I'm the falcon.

What are you talking about?

I'm pretty sure that you know what I'm talking about.

What are you talking about?

"Hai Lai," I'm talking about what I'm talking about.

I don't think you are because we never talk about what we're talking about.

[grunts]

[yelps]

Sorry.

Fucker!

Oh, sh*t. Aah!

[all speaking at once]

No, Hai Lai, Hai Lai!

One sec!

What did you hurt? What hurts?

Oh, God! My finger!

On a scale of one to ten, how's it feel when I do this?

One.

That's not so bad.

Because it's the wrong finger, you idiot.

It's this one.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my f*cking God, Betty.

I hope you got your passport in order, Rutledge, because it looks like you'll be the one going to Mexico.

Dee Dee. Get Dee Dee.
Give me something, Dee Dee.

I got some oxy and some Vicodin.

There you go.

There you go. There you go.

[man singing in Spanish]