01x08 - m*rder in the First Class

[bunniefuu]

Hey what are you doing?

My neighbor d*ed and he left me this cool couch.

I thought it would be good in the break room.

Let me give you a hand.

No, no, no. I got it.

Boy, you don't need anybody, do you?

You know, sometimes it's okay to let someone help you.

Yeah, I'll remember that.

[Rock music plays]

[Officer Dave screaming]

[Screaming]

You've got some nodes on your vocal cords.

Nodes?! What the hell are nodes?

You wanted to see us, sir?

Yeah, don't mind the butcher here.

I'm just having my insurance physical.

Afraid we got a k*lling spree on our hands.

The word "spree" makes it sound fun, but it isn't.

There's been a m*rder on the last three Thursday night evening flights from New York to L.A., all in first class.

Sounds like someone has it out for rich people.

When are rich people gonna get a break?

You two, head over to L.A.X., figure out what the hell is going on.

Meanwhile, the plane's been grounded. Why?

Got in late. Didn't do its homework.

We're on it, Lieutenant.

[Air hisses]

How's the pressure, Doc?

400/300.

[Air hisses]

The yoga's really working.

[Dramatic tone plays]

Welcome aboard. May I see your boarding pass?

3a. 3b.

Enjoy your investigation.

[Police radio chatter]

What do we got, Scholls?

The deceased's name is George Prickly...

42, Caucasian, white, early 40s.

Is this gonna take long?

I have a meeting in Playa Vista in 15 minutes.

Wait, are we sure he's dead?

Yes, the nerves are the last thing to die, so the body may experience some postmortem reflexive movement.

If he were alive, would I do this?

Where's my warm cookie?

Do we know how he d*ed?

I do.

Is there anyone from the flight crew we can talk to who might have witnessed the m*rder?

The first-class flight attendant was on duty the entire time, a Vivian Tribeca.

Oh, no.

[Southern accent] My ears are burning!

Angie Tribeca, as I live and breathe.

Are you guys related?

She's my second cousin once removed.

Why was she removed?

Because she's really annoying.

Hey, Vivian.

And who is this extra-large helping of banana man pie?

Those flirtatious gestures are making me really like her.

So, Vivian, I forgot that you work at Air Jordan now.

It does help me stay out of trouble.

What helps you stay out of trouble?

Well, I've got my police work.

I like to go to the gym as often as I can.

Whatever you're doing, it's working for you.

Okay, Vivian, what can you tell us about Mr. Prickly?

Excuse my language, but he was a real bee in my bonnet.

"More this. Less that."

But I certainly didn't wish any harm on him.

Oh, I just feel woozy thinking about it.

Ohh.

[Gasps] Let me help you.

Vivian: [Sighs] Thank you, sir.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Well, you've been through a very traumatic situation, ma'am.

It's brave of you to even talk to us.

Me? Brave? [Sighs]

My goodness gracious to bitsy Betsy, if you aren't the most wonderful gentleman on god's great big blue marble.

[Retches]

Vivian, we need you to focus up and answer some questions about what happened.

Take it easy, Tribeca. She's been through a lot.

Do you need a ride home, Vivian?

Yes, I think taken to bed would be in my best interest.

I'm just so scared.

Why don't I drive your cousin home, and you finish up here?

We're in the middle of an investigation, Geils.

You don't need me. You're fine on your own.

Vivian: Oh, my word.

My buttons seem to have come undone.

I can't believe that works. It's so obvious.

[Southern accent] "Ooh, I'm so sweaty."

My underwear just went sliding off."

Want to grab a cup of coffee sometime?

Did you come up with anything from the passenger manifests?

Two.

There's 800 names on the manifest.

And how many were on all three flights?

40. And then we eliminated the kids, the elderly, and members of the clergy.

And how many did that leave?

Two... Julia Gaffney and Gordon Manhattan.

Why don't you interview Gaffney?

I'll take Manhattan with Geils, if I can ever pry him away from my cousin.

Hum Hi.

Uh, two chicken and two carne fish for my friend here.

Wait a minute. Are you jealous, Tribeca?

Don't be ridiculous.

Don't sweat it, Tribeca. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you need somebody.

I don't need anybody, and I never will.

Never say "never."

[Dramatic tone plays, children shouting playfully]

Uh, I take the kids to New York because my mother lives there.

Uh, Julian, for god's sakes, get the detective's pen out of your nose.

He's not contagious anymore. You're fine.

[Baby cries] Do you recall seeing this man on last week's flight?

That guy... yeah.

That guy... you know... Oh, Grace, come on!

Leave the detective alone.

[Whimpers]

Uh, sorry. Yes.

So, we were at the airport, and that's the guy who started yelling at my kids.

[Pounding] I mean, nobody yells at my kids.

For god's sakes, Philip!

Here, take her, will you?

Come here.

[Laughing] Do you remember what happened last time?

You were 7. Now you're 5.

[Sighs]

Let me cut to the chase, ma'am.

Um, this guy was found m*rder*d on your flight.

Oh, and you think I have the time.

To put together a m*rder? [Laughs]

I mean, I wish I c...

Keith Urban Harrison Ford Gaffney!

What have I told you about the riding mower in the house?!

[Crying] Okay, ma'am. No further questions.

[Children laughing]

Grace: You're the cutest puppy.

[Dramatic tone plays]

Man: [ Speaking indistinctly over P.A.]

[Tools whirring]

Sorry I'm late.

Vivian came down with a case of the vapors...

At least, that's what she declared.

I couldn't care less.

Let's just find out what this guy knows.

Excuse me, we're looking for Gordon Manhattan.

Gordon: That's me.

L.A.P.D., sir. We want to talk to you about your recent flight from New York.

Are you aware that someone was m*rder*d on that flight and now he's dead?

We need you to tell us if you recognize this man.

Hold on.

Oh, that guy?

Whoever k*lled him deserves an award.

What makes you say that?

I've been saving miles for years now, commuting back and forth to New York to see the girlfriend.

I finally get the upgrade.

That's when this jackass steps up and pays cash for the last seat in first class.

He actually turned to me and said, "boo-hoo."

So that's why you k*lled him.

Believe me...

Gordon: I would have k*lled him, but they don't let.

People in coach k*ll people in first class.

That's true. That's a rule.

So this is a dead end.

Why don't we get back to the precinct and see if forensics had better luck?

Thank you for your time, sir.

You're welcome.

I hope you found something because we have no leads and the next m*rder flight leaves in three hours.

I hope you found something because we have no leads and the next m*rder flight leaves in three hours.

As a matter of fact, we did.

Dr. Edelweiss?

Edelweiss: Ah, Detectives. I'll be right with you.

[Intense music plays]

[Intense music continues]

[Intense music stops]

Dr. Scholls, show the detectives what you showed me.

We found something interesting in the victim's lungs.

Phew!

k*lled by a chicken.

Unlikely.

There were only two chickens on that flight, and they both have alibis.

However, these feathers match exactly the ones found in an airplane pillow.

The cause of death was asphyxiation, or smothering in layman's terms.

What does "layman's terms" mean?

So, who's the k*ller?

Well, perhaps if we test one of these feathers in the gas chromatograph, it may point us to something the k*ller was exposed to.

[Switch clicks, air hisses]

[Gas hissing]

Traces of, um, salbutamol.

[Chuckles]

And traces of ipratropium bromide...

Chemicals commonly found in standard inhalers.

Mm.

[Inhales sharply]

[Straining] Your k*ller's an asthmatic.

[Dramatic tone plays]

The two of you on a plane cut off from backup?

It's too risky!

You don't even know what you're looking for.

We know the m*rder*r is asthmatic, and if the pattern holds, he's gonna k*ll another first-class passenger tonight.

Also, I'm really worried about Vivian on that plane all by herself.

She's a flight attendant.

What's your problem with Vivian?

I'm just so sick of her helpless routine.

You know what I like about your cousin, Angie?

She's not afraid of admitting she needs somebody.

Also, amazing breasts.

I felt like that had to be said.

If you kids are finished, we have a m*rder*r to catch.

You, me, Tanner, and Geils are going undercover on that flight, that is, if you two think you can work together.

Mumble, mumble.

I'm sorry?

[Clicks tongue] I said, "mumble, mumble."

All right.

Let's go stop a m*rder.

[Ominous tones play]

Now?

Wait.

[Ominous tones continue]

[Dramatic music plays] Now.

[ Radio chatter]

Pilot. Co-pilot.

Flight attendant.

Flight attendant.

[Exhaling melodically]

43d.

Yes! A row to myself!

[Chuckles]

43c and "e." [Sighs]

Oh, look who it is.

Grace, Julian, go sit next to your Uncle Detective.

Here you go.

Grab that for me. Okay.

Uh, yeah, Keith, to the back.

Ben, James.

[Children laughing]

Can I have a hot towel, please?

Of course, sir.

Thank you.

[Sighs]

Vivian: There is no need to raise your voice.

At me like that, sir.

Now, you may use your leaf blower when we have reached 10,000 feet and not a moment before.

If you're not careful, they'll drive you crazy.

Sometimes, just to amuse myself, I serve them toilet water.

Here you go, sir.

Mmm, air juice.

[Dramatic tone plays]

[ Radio chatter]

I guess we should take off.

I didn't know you could fly a plane.

I can't. I thought you could.

How hard could it be?

[Cellphone chimes]

How do you fly a 767?

[Cellphone chimes]

Female voice: Playing James Taylor, "You've Got A Friend."

No!

Give it a sh*t.

[Engines turn over, rev]

Good job, Geils.

You know, this actually might be fun.

What about a little music?

Absolutely.

[Cellphone chimes]

Play James Taylor's "You've Got A Friend."

The Boeing 767 is one of the most user-friendly aircraft in the fleet.

[Engine humming]

[Shouting] This is your pilot!

It looks like we've reached our cruising altitude of...

Atkins: [Calm, deep voice] 35,000 feet.

Looks like a smooth flight to New York, so relax, enjoy the ride, and watch out for the m*rder*r.

[Laughs]

Psst.

It's me.

See anything suspicious?

Negative.

Still on the lookout for an inhaler and anyone trying to k*ll someone with a pillow.

Good thinking.

I'm gonna go study up on landing before we get there.

Hey, Geils.

Yeah, you need something?

No.

Just be careful.

Will do.

Ohh!

[Winces]

Aah. [Sobbing]

Hey!

[Sneezes]

Never mind.

[Grunts]

Excuse me.

Hm? Could I get another diet soda?

Sure thing, sugar blossom.

And can I get the can?

I'm so sorry, sir, but it is our policy to serve you a small cup of soda and leave the mostly full can on the cart.

This is B.S.

How come sometimes you get the can and sometimes you don't?

Sir, I'm gonna ask you not to use that language with me.

You are in the presence of a lady, after all.

This is first class, and you're a waitress, so bring me the can or bring me the pilot.

Sir, I declare you are being as rude as a crocodile with a bellyache.

Bring me the can, sky whore.

[Dramatic music plays]

I'll give you the can! Here's your can! You like it?!

[Muffled screaming]

You like that can?!

You got the whole can all to yourself!

[Wheezing]

Would you be a dear and hold this for a minute?

[Muffled screaming continues]

[Inhaler hisses]

It was you, Vivian!

You're the m*rder*r.

These people just have no manners, and that is something I will not tolerate.

Hand over the pillow, Vivian.

Ohh!

[Grunting]

Ohh!

Oh, can I get a blanket, please?

Yes, of course.

[Dramatic music continues]

[Dramatic music stops] Excuse me. I ordered the kosher meal.

Oh, I am so sorry, ma'am.

[Dramatic music continues]

[Dramatic music stops] Excuse me. My movie's not loading.

We had to reset the system.

It's gonna take about 10 minutes, sir.

This is the worst day of my life.

Excuse me. I'm having chest pains.

Clear!

[Paddles whine]

[Thump] [Grunts]

Oh, that's much better. Thank you.

[Dramatic music continues]

Freeze, Vivian!

Put your hands in the full upright position!

[Dramatic music continues]

[Beep]

We'll be right with you.

I spy with my little eye something that starts with a... "C."

Cloud.

You're good at this.

[g*nsh*t]

Tribeca, report in.

It's Vivian! She's the m*rder*r!

She's jealous.

Okay, Tribeca, Vivian's the m*rder*r.

Copy that. Talk to you later.

No, it's true!

She tried to smother a passenger and used an inhaler.

Oh, my god, what have I done?

Tribeca, hang on. Geils is gonna back you up.

No! I've got it!

She's impossible!

Go!

Try not to be afraid.

[Dramatic music continues]

[Dramatic music continues]

[Sighs]

[Lock clicks]

Angie Tribeca, open this door right now.

I'm fine.

If you need help, you better say so.

I'm not kidding around. I'm good.

You're skating on thin ice, young lady.

You sure you don't need my help?

[Muffled] Oh, yeah.

That's it. I'm coming in.

Aah!

Vivian, why?!

Because these people are a bunch of ungrateful pigs!

"Bring me a pillow! Make it hotter!"

Make it colder! Stop it. You're k*lling me!"

Oh, blow it out your ass!

Vivian Tribeca, you're under arrest.

Never!

L.A.P.D.

Hang on. Let me get my g*n.

That's my g*n. I'm cuffing her.

Oh, wait. No, that's my hand.

Who's touching my leg? Someone is touching my leg.

Sorry.

[Dramatic tone plays, elevator bell dings]

Yeah, it's a real pay phone. I'll call you back.

Hey, good work last night.

Oh, you, too.

Let me help you with that.

Sure. That would be nice.

Holy sh*t! What's in here?

[Exhales sharply]