Kelly: [dressed as Carrie Bradshaw] Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween.
Phyllis: [dressed as Raggedy Ann] Shh. He wears that so he can sleep at his desk. Who are you?
Kelly: Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City.
Phyllis: Mm. I like your shoes. [Kelly has 5-inch heels on]
Kelly: Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
Phyllis: Sure.
Ryan: I got her, I got her. I can help you. You look amazing.
Kelly: Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?
Ryan: Gordon Gekko.
Kelly: Oh, from the insurance commercials!
Ryan: ... Yeah.
Oscar: [Creed dressed as the Joker enters] Whoa. Awesome.
Creed: Let's put a smile on that face!
Kevin: [also dressed as the Joker] Dammit Creed! I've been up since four!
Andy: [dressed as a kitten] Meow. Sweet 'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be?
Jim: Dave.
Andy: Cool.
Jim: You are? [Andy hisses] A cat?
Andy: [buzzer noise] We were looking for "kitten."
Jim: [phone] Oh, hang on one second. Jim Halpert.
Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey New York, Happy Halloween!
Pam: Thanks. My costume's getting a lot of attention. [Pam is dressed as Charlie Chaplin]
Pam: So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used greasepaint for my moustache. And I can't even take off my hat, because then I'm h*tler.
Dwight: [dressed as the Joker] Hm mm mm mm. Want to see a magic trick? Heh heh heh! I'm gonna make a pencil disapp-- oh! [elevator doors close, reopen.] Disappear.
Michael: Okay, I think we are set. We have puzzles, string for Cat's Cradles. b*rned this last night. A little road trip CD. Puppets.
Holly: Oh, look at all this stuff! It's only seven hours.
Michael: When Corporate found out that we were dating, they decided they were going to transfer Holly back to her old branch, in Nashua, New Hampshire.
Holly: Michael is taking a personal day to move me up.
Michael: Road trip! Right?
Holly: Breaker one-nine, copy?
Michael: Oh, copy that breaker. Those Duke boys are at it again.
Darryl: Hey! Do Not Touch My Radio.
Michael: We're not.
Holly: Kidding.
Michael: We're not doing anything.
Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, and I said "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" And he said "I asked you first." And I said "First!" at the same time he did. And then I said "Jinx." And then we never talked about it again and haven't been back to the conversation. So...
Michael: All right everybody. I'm out of here. Jim, you're in charge.
Jim: Oh, I'll walk you out.
Michael: Ah, you are quite the gentleman.
Michael: You can let people go a couple of minutes early if you want.
Jim: All right. We'll see. [to camera] No.
Jim: I am off to New York. My brother Pete from Boston, and my brother Tom from New Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch, to celebrate the engagement. Or maybe to b*at me up. I can never tell with those two.
Dwight: Good morning temp.
Ryan: 'Morning. [Dwight reveals Cornell sweatshirt] Wow. Good morning Dwight.
Dwight: Thought I'd go casual today. Morning everyone. Good morning. Hello. How are you Phyllis?
Andy: Ha ha ha. That's funny. [angrily] Take that sweatshirt off! Hey buddy.
Dwight: Andy.
Andy: Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking. But, you should know, those colors are sacred. Not that I care. But if you're not a Cornell man, you probably shouldn't wear them.
Dwight: No I get it. I totally understand. And uh, I just want to assure you, that I mean no disrespect. You see, I'm applying!
Andy: Come on, you think you can get into Cornell?
Dwight: Well if somebody who barely out-sells Phyllis, can get in, I should be fine.
Phyllis: I'm sitting right here Dwight.
Dwight: I meant that as a compliment to you Phyllis, as well as a slight to Andy.
Dwight: Cornell is a good school, and I want to better myself through higher education. If it makes Andy angry, so be it. [He sips from his Cornell mug]
Holly: I have to unpack this weekend but maybe next weekend we go to the outlets!
Michael: Cool!
Darryl: Mike you'll drive this every weekend?
Michael: We're gonna switch back and forth, the driving. Sometimes we'll just meet in the middle. It'll be fun. Wait a sec. Oh I love this song.
Michael and Holly: Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long.
Michael, Holly, and Darryl: If you're going my way, I wanna drive you all night long! If you're going my way...
Dwight: Hey there. So uh, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
Andy: Well he's had a pretty good season so far--- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell. Okay, you're just doing this to screw with me.
Dwight: Not so. Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
Andy: I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs Big Red.
Dwight: Someday, we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this.
Pam: Hey!
Tom: Hey, future baby sis!
Pam: How are you Tom. Nice to see you.
Tom: I'm good.
Pam: I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch! Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea. They're probably thinking, "That Pam Beasly, she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet. She's the best! The absolute best."
Pam: Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. I'm gonna say that before ceramics class, I took off my ring, and then when I changed back out of my smock, it wasn't in my pocket anymore, and I lost it.
Pete: That's perfect. You know what would be even more hilarious? Remember that thing we did when Jim was in high school with his girlfriend?
Tom: Right! That would be hilarious! We should totally dog her, about being an artist, never making any money!
Pete: That, is awesome!
Tom: Like she basically has a hobby, for a job.
Pete: Oh yeah.
Pam: So, not the ring then? The- the- Not doing the ring?
Pete: I think this is better.
Tom: The other thing would "get" Jim.
Pete: This is nicer, it's fun. It's fun!
Pam: Okay, okay.
Tom: Oh, he hates it when we pick on his girlfriends.
Pam: Oookay....
Pam: They came up with that idea really fast.
Darryl: This trip was longer than I thought.
Holly: Yeah it did look shorter on the map-
Michael: Ah! Ah! Ahhhh! [waking up] Hey. Whew. Ow. I was having a nightmare.
Holly: You were sleeping? You were talking before.
Michael: Was I? Really? Was I saying anything interesting?
Darryl: Not really.
Michael: All right. What's the scoop, how far?
Darryl: Four hours. Almost halfway there.
Holly: We're only halfway?
Michael: Halfway! Okay, You know what I want to do, I want to pull over and find little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle. Emphasis on the bed. And the breakfast.
Darryl: Next exit isn't for five miles.
Holly: Let's check there.
Pam: Hey guys.
Jim: Hey, how are you?
Pam: Hi! [smooches]
Jim: Good to see you.
Pete: Nice to see you again, Pam.
Tom: Pam, I haven't seen you in so, so long!
Jim: All right so now we can sit... and get comfortable.
Darryl: There's nothing out here man.
Michael: Yeah. I don't know I just- I imagined a hotel right here. Pool, over here. Really good breakfast place. With really good bacon.
Michael: Here we go, fourth time's a charm. "Life's like a road where you just... one day here, and the next day back...Sometimes you deal with it, today you don't, sometimes you do, what you want... there's a world out there.... [Holly sobs] Hey. Are you crying?
Holly: No.
Michael: Allergies?
Holly: No.
Michael: Did Darryl touch you?
Darryl: WHAT!?
Holly: No, Darryl did not touch me. Can we just keep going, please? [crying]
Michael: What's the matter?
Holly: It's not gonna work.
Michael: Sure it is.
Holly: There's too much distance.
Michael: Oh no no no.. It's gonna work, it'll be fine.
Holly: Michael we've only been dating each other for a few weeks
Michael: Listen to me. I like you so much.
Holly: And I like you too.
Michael: And I've dated four women in the last--
Holly: I've dated four guys last year too.
Michael: Not last - no. In like the last ten years.
Holly: Oh.
Michael: I've dated almost four women, and you are so far above them, it is stupid.
Holly: Michael. Don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Michael: That's what she said.
Michael: Holly thinks that this relationship is over. Well, you know what? I am not gonna give up that easy. I'm gonna make this way harder than it needs to be.
Andy: Take that down. [Dwight has hung a large red Cornell banner from the ceiling]
Dwight: Excuse me?
Andy: Take. That down.
Meredith: You know I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice. They gave me a ride home.
Andy: I seriously doubt that anyone from Cornell dated you.
Creed: It's pronounced Ker-nell. It's the highest rank in the m*llitary.
Andy: It's pronounced "Corn-ell!" It's the highest rank in the Ivy League!
Dwight: Andy, let's just talk about this man-to-man, after work.
Andy: Fine.
Dwight: What do you say?
Andy: Yeah, good. Can we--- [Dwight pulls out Cornell mascot bobble-head] Grr. Heh heh heh. That's Big Red Bear! That's a bobble Big Red Bear! God!!
Holly: If you leave on Friday, by five, you'll be rolling in at... midnight? At best?
Michael: Yeah.
Holly: And then sleep in Saturday. That only leaves us less than 24 hours before you have to go back again.
Michael: Okay, okay. I will talk to you on the Bluetooth the entire trip. So we're talking constantly all the way.
Holly: Oh.
Michael: I'll tell you everything that I see. Everything that I pass by, things that I witness on the road.
Holly: Well-
Michael: Maybe I'll see an accident one weekend?
Holly: How long could we keep that up?
Michael: Years!
Holly: Years?
Michael: Yeah.
Holly: Years? Of just a few hours every weekend?
Michael: Here's my wish. I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy.
Holly: [kisses his temple] Thank you.
Michael: My wish has come true, incidentally, because, you've met me, and you are happy.
Darryl: Clever, Mike.
Tom: So Pam, how much does an artist make after they leave art school?
Pete: Yeah, not a lot of money in the arts, right?
Jim: That's not really true. There's a lot of things you can do with an art degree actually.
Tom: Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin.
Jim: Wow, that's- that's a little rude. What's your deal?
Pete: Hey, just having fun Jimmy.
Tom: Yeah. Right Pam?
Pam: Yup! [Tom and Pete give Halpertian looks to camera]
Michael: You know what? I think we're a great couple. I think we're a classic couple. I think we're like Romeo and Juliet. I think we... go together so well. We're like peanut butter and jelly, don't you think?
Holly: I do, I think so.
Michael: Then don't do it. Please don't do this. Please don't do this. [they continue arguing]
Darryl: [leaving someone a message on his cell phone, looking very uncomfortable] Hey what's up, I just thought I'd try you. I was thinking about that story where you ran into the girl you used to babysit.
Michael: I don't know what I'm gonna do!
Darryl: Please call me back.
Michael: Please?
Holly: You'll be okay
Michael: I'm not gonna be okay.
Darryl: Please...
Holly: You will.
Michael: No I won't! I'm not strong! And I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan! Oh God!
Andy: [outside men's room] You might be interested- [stops when he sees Stanley come out]
Stanley: What?
Andy: Dwight!
Dwight: Andy, I've been meaning to ask you, which a cappella group should I join? The Harmoniacs, or the Do-Re-Mi-Go's?
Andy: Hm. Assuming you had the voice to be in any of them, it's irrelevant. Because I called admissions and it looks like I, will be conducting your university interview.
Dwight: That's a conflict of interest.
Andy: Yeah. Big one. So, should I not let you in now, or do you want to do the interview, and then I won't let you in?
Dwight: [thinks] Interview.
Andy: Excellent. When the hourglass strikes three, then in the room whence employees confer.
Dwight: What?
Andy: The conference room!
Dwight: Okay.
Andy: Who are your role models?
Andy: If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.
Andy: So, Dane Cook, Jack Bauer, and Eli Whitney. You're doing great.
Jim: Oh wow. This is my niece Vanessa. She's a trumpeter. And, look at her.
Pam: Cute.
Jim: That must be really fun for you and Marci huh?
Tom: Yup. She only knows how to play "When the Saints go Marching In."
Jim: Love that one.
Pete: Yeah but, she doesn't think she's gonna be like, career musician right?
Jim: Here you go again! What is your deal today?
Pete: Just saying. How many famous trumpeters can you name besides... Louis Armstrong?
Pam: Miles Davis.
Jim: One.
Pam: Chet ...something.
Jim: Half.
Pete: The point is Pam, is there are jobs-
Pam: Dizzy Gillespie.
Jim: Also good.
Pete: And there are hobbies. I love baseball more than anything, but you don't see me try to get on the Mets.
Tom: You don't!
Jim: Pete couldn't make the Mets. She's at Pratt. You played JV baseball. Will you lighten up a little bit?
Pete: I'm just calling it like I see it.
Pam: I don't know if I'm gonna make any money with art.
Jim: Pam, don't worry about it.
Pam: I mean it's a very competitive field. But I have a professor who says I have a lot of promise, and if I don't try now, I never will. So...
Jim: Guys, what is going on?! [Pete and Tom burst out in laughter]
Tom: We pranked you!
Pete: It was Pam's idea. Pam was the mastermind.
Pam: ... Got you.
Pete: That was k*ller. I was so close to blowing it.
Andy: Let's see how well you know your Big Red history.
Dwight: Bring it.
Andy: Who was Cornell's eighth president?
Dwight: Dale Raymond Corson!
Andy: Mm, I'm sorry that's incorrect. Cornell's seventh president was in fact, James A. Perkins. [writes in a notebook] Comprehension skills, sub-par.
Dwight: Hmm, interviewing skills, sub-par. [writes in a notebook]
Andy: What are you writing? Can't even give Cornell your full attention?
Dwight: On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell. By evaluating their interviewers.
Andy: Nobody wants ...that, to happen.
Dwight: Well, when they get my evaluation we'll see if they're interested.
Andy: "Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character."
Dwight: "Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process."
Andy: "Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations."
Dwight: "Interviewer has suspect motives."
Andy: "Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid."
Dwight: "Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth." Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.
Andy: I have everything I need- [talking over each other]
Dwight: And you will be hearing from the -
Andy: And you will be hearing from -
Dwight: -Cornell Application Department,
Andy: which I will not be a part of-
Dwight: And you will not be pleased with the result. [pulls table away from Andy]
Andy: And YOU will not be pleased with the result!
Dwight: And your affiliation with Cornell -
Andy: And your affiliation with Cornell -
Dwight: Will end completely!
Andy: Will end completely!
Dwight: [has won the table w*r] That is all sir, you may go.
Darryl: [Michael and Holly cautiously pass each other] There's another dolly in the truck, Mike. You could take more than that lamp.
Pam: For the record, I wanted go another direction. Which was way better.
Jim: Well, I'll be the judge of that. What do you got?
Pam: Okay. I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class. Left it in my smock. I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl. Look I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger, you can hardly see it, it's very subtle.
Jim: That is good.
Pam: Thank you.
Jim: Truthfully anything would have been better than that prank. [laughs] Oh, text message from my brother. "Pam cool. Welcome to the family."
Pam: Oh. Hey how about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald?
Darryl: This is the last of it.
Michael: Oh that's mine actually. Um, maybe put it back in the truck.
Darryl: You're not staying?
Michael: You know I have some things I need to do this weekend. I just remembered, so, I'll just ride back with you.
Darryl: But you want me to put it back in the truck.
Michael: I'll be down in just a second. [into house] Holly?
Michael: So um... I think I'm gonna go back with Darryl [Holly hugs Michael] Okay. [they kiss goodbye.] Goodbye.
Holly: Okay. Bye.
Darryl: I know it's hard Mike. Break-ups hurt.
Michael: We didn't break up.
Darryl: Looked like it. Sometimes when I'm down like this, it helps to sing the blues.
Michael: Okay.
Darryl: [bluesy] Da na na na na... da na na na na...
Michael: That's a really pretty song.
Darryl: Da na na na na. No, no, check it out, look. Da na na na na... want to do that?
Michael: Okay.
Darryl: That's when you hit me with what's getting you down, okay?
Michael: Okay.
Darryl: Da na na na na.
Michael: Da na na na na.
Darryl: Da na na na na.
Michael: Da na na na na.
Darryl: No, wait. You're, you're supposed to... Never mind. Da na na na na.
Michael: Da na na na na.
Darryl: Da na na na na.
Michael: Da na na na na.
Darryl: Da na na na na!!
Michael: Da na na na na!!
Darryl: Da na na na na .
Michael: [deeper] Da na na na na.
Darryl: Yeah! Da na na na na.
Michael: [deeper] Da na na na na.
Darryl: YEAH! Da na na na na.
Michael: [blues singer] Da na na na na...
Andy: [Whistling, enters office in farmer overalls] I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight: Where did you get those?
Andy: What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.
Andy: Well you will. Soon as you visit, my new beet farm. [attempts to bite into a raw beet, beet is too hard] You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?
Dwight: [scoffs] Cornell. [easily bites into a beet]
05x06 - Employee Transfer
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"The Office" follows the everyday lives of office employees in the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Some extras included, e.g., deleted scenes, gag reel, retrospective.
"The Office" follows the everyday lives of office employees in the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of the fictional Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Some extras included, e.g., deleted scenes, gag reel, retrospective.