02x11 - Downgraded

[bunniefuu]

(Gulls crying)

Iron Man: Anything?

Black Widow: The intel I intercepted was clear.

The wrecking crew, at these coordinates.

If they don't show up soon, we're gonna have an all-out w*r.

Inside the Avenjet.

Time... to... smash!

(Finger snapping)

(Hulk grunting)

(Both groaning)

(Roaring)

You may have bested me at this, but that was no true victory.

(Groaning)

Was that?

Falcon, game of darts? Arrows versus...

Whatever those things are you sh**t.

Flechettes.

I'm finishing up this electromagnetic particle g*n.

"Electromagmata," what, now?

It works by magnetically combining the electron fields of an ionized... (Imitates snoring)

Oh, I'm sorry. I fell asleep while you were talking....nerd stuff.

We've got visual.

So much for that awesome gear you promised, Wrecker.

You got played!

Wrong.

(Grunting)

Wrecker: A.I.M.'s abandoned tech.

Time for The Wrecking Crew to upgrade.

Yeah!

(Groaning)

Avengers...

Hulk: Smash!

Iron Man: I don't think that's where Cap was going with that, Hulk.

Tired of waiting.

(Roaring)

(Grunting)

(Yelling) (Roaring)

(Groans)

(Roaring) (Grunting)

(Grunting) (Groaning)

You think tech will make you guys better?

Please. You'll always be a wreck. It's your name!

(Grunting) (Groaning)

(Grunting)

Iron Man: Sorry, guys. Emergency exit only.

(Machinery whirring)

(Yelling)

(Growling)

(Avengers groaning)

Who's the wreck now?

Is this a trick question?

So far, not a big fan of The Wrecking Crew's upgrade.

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

Huh?

Hope this doesn't bore you again, Hawkeye!

(Groaning)

(Yelling)

(Grunting)

(Groans)

(Straining)

Oh, and this? This is my molecular restraint system.

Nerd stuff.

(Both groaning)

(Both groaning)

More fun than thumb wrestling.

Captain America: Good strategic planning, Falcon.

Outthinking the enemy is the first step to outfighting them.

Couldn't have done it better myself.

Okay. I could have, but... I'm still impressed.

Nothin' to say? Falcon's tech did save your quiver, after all.

Sure. Yeah. Thanks.

You seem to have your arrows in a knot.

Was saving you the wrong thing to do or something?

I appreciate the save, but anyone with that g*n could have done the same thing. A real hero has skills!

My tech is my skill.

You think anyone could just put on this suit and be Falcon?

No, not anyone. Hulk's way too heavy.

He'd never get airborne.

(Grunting)

(Loud humming)

Falcon: Hey!

(Error beep) (Hawkeye groaning)

A little off?

Thanks to you.

Don't ruin my concentration. I'm busy.

Some of us need to keep our skills sharp.

I think I can help with that.

Not interested.

Check it.

Never-miss arrows.

Can I borrow that?

Load it into the bow, like normal. State your target, then sh**t.

Hulk's sandwich!

Arrow: Target confirmed.

Hulk: Hey!

See? Works every time.

Just another toy.

That never misses!

There's more to me than just hitting targets.

You could give those arrows to everyone on the team, and they still wouldn't be Hawkeye.

Arrow: Center target. Target confirmed.

Any more brilliant inventions?

(Footsteps approaching)

One of you is toast!

Never mind.

(Chomping)

An electronic shield that calculates its own flight path.

Shield: Target confirmed.

(Scoffs)

Bet Cap won't be too impressed.

Energy gloves. Now Hulk's not the only one with smashing power.

(Grunting)

Trying to mimic everyone else's powers?

You're just proving my point.

Okay. What about this? An Asgardian runestone.

I'm trying to recreate Thor's powers.

You just twist this, and...

According to my calculations, it should do something like this...

I guess.

What did you just do?

I'm betting you didn't transport us to Jersey.

Got it under control. I'll just reverse...

Oh, great. The other half must still be in the tower.

(Horse neighing) (Freya yells)

You're right. This sure isn't Jersey.

(Freya yells)

(Horse neighing)

(All grunting)

(Both roaring)

I got this!

(Screaming)

Huh?

(Grunting)

(Roaring)

My suit. It's shorted out!

(Roaring)

(Growling)

All my gear! That creature shorted it out.

I don't think we're going to find you an electrical outlet here.

(Both roaring)

Freya: You strangers dare come to Vanaheim with electric machines?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. We didn't dare anything.

Genius here accidentally teleported us from Earth to...

Where'd you say? Vanaheim?

Does that happen to be in Jersey?

All right, look. I'm Falcon, and this charming guy is Hawkeye.

And what's wrong with our electricity?

Them. The Shadow Nixes feed off of it.

Our realm has banished such things.

(Chuckling) Oh, you are gonna love it here.

The Shadow Nixes have grown more bold since the great light b*rned out.

And I was unable to find more potion to fuel it.

Wasn't she speaking English just a second ago?

Wait, "potion"? "Great light"? So, you don't have technology, You have...

Magic.

Hurry! We have no time! (Horse neighing)

(Sighing)

No tech. Magic!

I've never felt more useless.

I got a use for you.

Figure out how to get us out of the hundred acre wood, and back to New York with all its glorious streetlights and power sockets.

Not without the rest of the runestone.

Someone back at the tower has to fire it up to bring us back.

Great! This trip keeps getting better and better.

(Shadow Nixes roaring)

(People screaming)

Oh, no! My village!

(Hulk and Thor groaning)

(Both groaning)

Thor: One, two, three!

(Chuckling)

You must declare me master of the wrestling of thumbs.

Never!

The winner of the next round takes on both of the newcomers.

Uh, no, thanks. I'm actually going horseback riding.

The police let me ride with their horse trainer.

Anyone want to come along?

Do I look like I ride horses?

(Roaring)

(Captain America grunting)

Huh?

So much for a day off.

Who invited these things?

(Grunting)

(Roaring)

Hey! I do the smashing around here!

Incoming!

(Roaring) (Grunting)

(Roaring)

(Grunting)

Looks like they drain electricity!

Of course they do! They're Shadow Nixes from Vanaheim!

Iron Man: More intel, please. What's a Shadow Nix?

Thor: Mystical creatures that feed on electricity.

How these two got here, I've no idea.

If we don't stop them, they'll send Earth into the stone age.

Magic isn't real, Thor. I'm not buyin' it!

(Grunting)

(Grunting)

(Roaring)

I'd say you just bought it.

No tech? Let's do this old school!

(Hulk grunting)

(Grunting)

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

Neat trick! Got anything else?

Still... not... impressed.

We have to herd these creatures back to Vanaheim.

I should really start carrying a can opener with me.

Very funny. You stop those Nixes, and I'm gonna figure out how our power-hungry friends got here in the first place.

(People screaming)

(Weapons clanging)

(Roaring)

(Freya grunting)

(Grunting) (Horse neighing)

Excuse us.

Pardon me.

Watch your back.

Coming through.

My village can't stop them without the great light!

Who needs a "great light" when you've got all this stuff and me?

(Grunting)

I'm starting to like this place!

Whoa.

Just usin' my skills, Falcon.

I've never seen our weapons used that way.

(Men grunting)

You're not the only one with skills!

(Grunting)

Uh-oh.

(Screaming)

Get these villagers inside!

I got this!

(Grunting)

(Horse neighing)

Lady Freya. The potion!

There is none, elder Lorak.

My mission was a failure.

Then we truly are doomed.

What exactly is this "great light"?

It's been lit for centuries, keeping the Shadow Nixes at bay.

It has never gone out before.

And you can't re-light it without this magic potion?

I need some more data.

Information. Anything you have on the great light.

These are the spells that illuminate it, but this language is ancient, and none of us can understand it.

(People screaming)

Hawkeye: Close the Gates! You're about to have some unwanted house guests!

Please tell me your village has an escape tunnel or something?

The Nixes will not stop with the village!

Without the great light, they will take over this entire realm!

Hmm.

Tony: Jarvis, can you hear me?

And of course not.

No power, no Jarvis.

Hawkeye! Falcon! You guys taking a vacation or something?

Now, where did those two uglies come from?

For creatures that feed on power, New York is a glorious feast!

(Growling)

(Roaring)

(Growling)

(Roaring)

(Grunting)

Hey, I was watchin' that!

(Hulk grunting)

(People screaming)

Here's Hulk in your eye!

(Roaring)

Hulk: (Grunting)

Where are ya?

(Grunting)

(Screaming) (Grunting)

Watch your step, ma'am.

(Grunting)

(Thor grunting)

(Shadow Nix groaning)

(Thor and Hulk grunting)

(Groans)

Fun!

(Both grunting)

(Groaning)

(Both growling)

Hulk: And don't come back!

You're not that scary, Hulk.

They're going after something.

I am too that scary.

Captain America: They're headed for the power plant.

First Jersey, then the world.

(Roaring)

If the Nixes reach their upper limit of power, they will be unstoppable.

Centuries ago, they nearly wiped Vanaheim from the nine realms.

Their appetite is voracious.

Know the feeling.

(Both growling) (Roaring)

(Growling)

(People screaming)

Soldier: Move, move, move!

Huh. Nothing like a little improvisation.

Why does your partner not help?

Falcon? Not much he can do without tech.

He's probably taking a nap.

(Growling) (Logs rumbling)

Will these do?

Awesome!

I still need three ounces of calcium carbonate.

I mean, grab me a chunk of limestone.

Now, if I were the key to sending energy-hungry creatures back to an Asgardian realm, where would I be?

(Clunking)

What do I always say about playing with Thor's toys?

Don't these things ever get tired?

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

Come on! That was brand new!

Hawkeye: Falcon?

(All roaring)

(Falcon grunting)

You got your net arrows, some flame arrows...

Oh and be careful with the goo arrows.

Stickiest tree sap I've ever seen.

Wait. You made all this?

Just usin' my skills, Hawkeye.

Touche.

(Roaring)

(Roaring)

(People screaming)

(Roaring) (Hulk laughing)

(Hoofs approaching)

(Horse neighing)

Of course you know how to ride a horse.

I didn't spend a month training with the cavalry for nothing.

Looks like Falcon and Hawkeye broke a runestone from Asgard.

I'm guessing it switched them with these Nixes from Vanaheim.

Can you pony express this thing?

Snowball's not a pony. He's a stallion.

(Horse neighing)

Hey! Big guy! Yeah, you!

Over here! Yeah!

Bring your friends, too!

Uh, I never voted for this plan.

(Screaming)

Your turn, kids! Just like we practiced!

(Kids cheering)

Just a little sulfur compound I whipped up.

Kids love it.

(Thor grunting)

(Roaring)

(Roaring)

Thor! Hawkeye and Falcon brought these things here with your runestone.

Can you reverse it?

Aye! And I clearly need to lock the door to my quarters.

All the gooey arrows in the world aren't going to replace that great light.

Right. Should be ready.

Wait. You managed to master magic, too?

Magic's just technology we don't understand.

The potion's a chemical solution.

I took ten parts magnesium and let it... wait.

(Chuckling) Nerd stuff. I don't want to bore you.

No, not bored, just...

Way over my head.

(Runestone pulsing)

They've activated the runestone from Earth!

Perfect timing as always.

A little teamwork?

I like your thinking.

(Roaring)

(People cheering)

The great light burns once again!

Thank you, heroes.

Let us always remember in myth, legend and song the great Falcon and his trusty sidekick, Hawkeye!

(Chuckling) Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. What?

Now we really are in Jersey?

It failed to transport them back!

The Shadow Nixes have grown too powerful!

Any bright ideas, hero of Vanaheim?

Yes! Literally.

Falcon: Thor!

How did you obtain a great light?

Long story. I need some amplification.

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

(Grunting)

(Grunting)

Skills.

(Both growling)

Let's see how hungry you are for the power of the nine realms!

(Grunting)

(Both groaning)

(Electricity humming)

Falcon: On it! Twelve o'clock! Heads up!

Hawkeye: Watch your back! On your right!

Hawkeye: On your left!

(Grunting)

Well-played. workin' on my skills.

Getting caught in Vanaheim without my gear was a wakeup call.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I thought your strength was only in your tech.

But your tech just shows your real skill, recognizing and solving problems.

Which is kind of heroic, right?

Falcon: Heads up!

From you, that's high praise.

Yeah. don't get used to it.