01x07 - Flies.

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine morning ♪

(both chuckling)

Hm?

(ticking)

♪ I'm gonna ride out ♪
♪ Yeah, one fine morning ♪

(chuckles)

No way.

(sizzling)

Dude!

What?

Phil, come here!

Dude, check this out.

Oh, my God, dude!

Oh, man. Look at the wings on that one.

Let me get a closer look.

(sizzling)

Dude, you're burning it!

Ow! Come on, Mike.

You didn't have to hit me.

Sorry.

It's okay.

(laughter)

Whoa. Whoa!

(laughs)

Uh...

Come on!

Whoa!

(both laugh)

Whoa. Thanks, man.

Go, man! Come on!

Wait up!

Whoa!

Come on.

Yeah. I'm coming.

Phil: I think that one looks like a fly who's made of... white fluffy stuff... and that's maybe its brother... and they're best friends... and they go on adventures together.

Hey, Phil, you ever think about what you want to be when you grow up?

Nah, man. I'm... I'm never gonna grow up.

I think I'd like to be a firefly, be like a hero...

You know, like, help people or whatever.

Dork.

Come on, man. I was being serious.

No...

I'm just messing with you, man.

I'm just messing with you. That's...

I just thought I'd be little forever, kickin' rocks, countin' clouds...

(door opens)

Phil's dad: Phillip!

(hiccups)

Get in here now!

I... I... I gotta get going, man.

Hey, um, I... I'll see you later, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you later.

See ya.

(whistling)

Hey, Mike.

Ready to get goin'?

Oh, there you are, Phil.

(chuckles) Check it out.

Uh, my dad oiled my glove last night and he told me to sleep on it, so I did and...

What's... what's wrong?

Nothing. I'm fine.

Let's start playing. Let's go run around and...

Look at me, dude.

I am looking at you.

Turn your head.

It's not a big deal, okay?

Let's just play.

(voice cracking) Let's just play baseball, man.

Hey, you know you can always stay at my place whenever you want. Honest.

Thanks, man. (sniffles)

Now let me see the ball.

All right, all right, but I'm up first this time, okay?

Okay.

(slurping)

This is the best thing I've ever eaten, Mrs. L.

You're, like, the greatest cook in the world.

It's really good this time, Mom.

You sure are one lucky fly, Mike.

You're welcome here any time, Phil.

Mm. Poor kid.

Phil: So good.

Huh?

Oh! Mm-hmm.

(driver clicks tongue)

This guy, right, he didn't want to, like, veer off Right.

And I'm like, let's go off the beaten path, man. Mm-hmm. (sighs)

Let's go see some sh*t.

(breathing heavily)

Mm-hmm.

Okay. All right.

You're, like, squirming. What... what's going on here?

Ugh. Okay, I know I should have gone before I left the stables, but I... I didn't have to, and now I really have to pee.

Like, my vision is blurry type of have to pee.

I don't know what to do because I don't know how much longer we're gonna be out here.

You don't... Just go.

Go? On the street? Out here?

Yeah.

In public?

Where else?

"Where else"? I only go in my stable, where it's dark and it's warm, and my candles are lit.

What are you talking about?

This is where we go.

The whole world is our toilet.

N... no.

That's the beauty of doing what we do.

I have never done that. What, h... have you?

All the time. I enjoy it.

Are you serious?

I see human people pee and poop in public all the time.

You see human being... pee and poop... No.

I've never seen that.

Look. Look at that guy right there. Look.

I can't look. I can't look with my blinders.

He's peeing. He's peeing.

I can't see anything. I can't see...

I...

I hate these f*cking blinders. What is up with that?

They're the f*cking worst.

I don't like that people, like, sneak up on me all the time.

At least make a noise. Clap your hands or something, Yes! Yes!

So I see you coming.

Can't see you coming.

I can't see you coming.

I got my blinders on.

I got my blinders on.

My blinders on.

Not blind-hims, mind you. Blind-hers.

Ah!

You pick up on that?

Blind-her.

Patriarchal bullshit. They don't want us to know what's out there.

No. They want to keep us on the path.

That's right.

The same stupid path.

f*ck. Look at all this... this sh*t on me.

Like, what the f*ck is this feather thing?

What does this do?

What's the feather adding?

We don't need a f*cking feather.

It does nothing except get in my f*cking eyeballs.

What color is my feather?

I think it's like a... like a fuchsia?

A f... Oh, Jesus!

We should not be wearing all of this stuff.

I mean, look at this.

Yeah.

My feet are f*cking k*lling me. (clink)

Metal on concrete.

Oh, yeah, that's a comfortable combo.

Nailed it.

Literally.

Into our f*cking hooves.

(grunts)

I gotta go so bad!

Uh-uh. That's it. I'm putting my hoof down.

This just not healthy, Anni.

You go to the bathroom right now.

Do it in front of me. I want to see it.

No.

Look, I'll go with you.

On the count of three. Come on.

Let's drop one.

I don't know.

Come on. Look at me.

Drop one? What are we talking?

We talking one or two?

Hey, I'mma do a three.

A one and a two...

At the same time?

At the same time.

That was what I was thinking.

Let's go for it. Come on.

One...

Oh, f*ck!

Let it out! Two...

Oh, f*ck you.

f*ck you! You come on.

Oh...

Oh, here it comes! Magic time!

(screams)

(peeing)

See? You're doing it! You're doing it!

Look at you!

This is amazing!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

This is how the pros do it.

This how the pros do it. See? Look at that.

Now look, look, look, look. Here he comes.

See the guy that's a little pale?

Look, I'm a job creator.

Watch this.

(pooping)

Bam! He cleaned it right up!

He cleaned that right up!

How cool is that?

That's his job, dude!

I've never felt so alive!

Pick my sh*t up!

Pick my sh*t up!

Yeah. Boy, you made a puddle.

I did. I did.

Look at all that. Damn!

Jeez.

(ticking)

Get out of here, you f*cking jock!

(all laugh)

Phil?

Phil, you know that guy?

Psh. I mean, I used to. Whatever.

We better get going.

You got the cans, right?

Yeah, I got 'em.

We're gonna tag Principal Koharchicks's house so good!

All: Rad Boys for life!

Rad Boys for life!

(laughter)

(sighs)

(police radio chatter)

To be honest, I didn't think you'd pick up.

Hmph.

Tell your parents I said thanks for the bail.

Of... of course, man.

You know they'd always look out for you.

Yeah. Right.

All right, man. I guess I'll see you around then.

Hey, uh, Phil?

Yeah, Mike?

What are you doing right now?

Hard cut.

And do you remember the bottle?

How... Of course I remember the bottle.

You almost fell off it too I didn't fall. and you would've if I didn't catch you.

That was... We were crazy.

Those were the minutes, man.

No, but seriously, man, it's great to hear you got into Cornell.

You're gonna knock it out of the park.

Thanks, man.

But you were always set on a path.

You know, you had it all figured out.

I guess it's just easier for some people than others, huh?

Well, uh, what about you?

I mean, are... are you still writing?

Uh, writing, uh...

I gave that sh*t up a while ago.

It was a pipe dream.

What are you talking about?

You were the best in our class by an inch.

No, I wasn't.

Yes, you were.

You're just gonna give up?

I'm not giving up.

Yes. You're gonna live in this two-horsefly town for the rest of your life.

I'm not doing that.

You're gonna drink your life away just like your father did.

I'm not gonna be my father!

(grunts)

(grunts)

Then prove it.

Stupid... Tell me I'm my father.

I'm not my father.

You're an idiot, Phil.

f*cking idiot.

Come here!

(giggles)

I'm gonna get you!

(giggles)

You're gettin' heavy!

Oh, my God! Wh... what'd you find?

Okay. On my way back.

What is that?

You've got something on your face.

Of course, sir. I'll be sure to get the Takahashi account in order by tomorrow.

Mike?

Huh?

Mike, hey! Over here!

No way.

Phil Matarese. Is that who I'm looking at?

Get over here!

Hi, man.

Oh, my God.

It's so good to see you.

How long has it been even?

Ah, it's been a minute.

You look good.

Oh, come on.

And who is this right here?

Oh, this is my son, Aiden.

Aiden, say hi to a friend of mine.

This is Mike.

Hi.

Well, hello there, Aiden. If you can believe it, your old man and I became friends when we were just about your age.

Really? You guys are old.

(both chuckle)

Oh, my gosh.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

So what are you doing in town?

I haven't seen you since you moved to the city.

Uh... Mom.

She, uh... she's caught a bug.

Oh.

Nothing too serious. You know her.

Yeah.

But, um...

Well, I'm sorry to hear, man.

Hey, let's get some coffee. You know, I'm about to drop Aiden off with his mom and I figure it'd be...

Uh... you know, I'm... I was actually on my way to catch a train.

Mike, there will be another train.

And no one's ever sold that many shares in the company's history.

Wow.

Yeah. Needless to say, that corner office is looking pretty good, so...

That's really good to hear, man.

I'm happy you're doing great.

It seems like you got it all on track.

Thanks, man. It's pretty awesome.

Yeah.

So, anyway, man, how's the small town life treating you?

What's new in Phil's world?

Uh, well, you know Rustic Plum Books?

The bookstore in the rotting plum.

You own Rustic Plum Books?! That's a great...

Dude, I could get you a small business loan that would double the size of it.

I'm telling you.

No, I actually...

No, no. I... I'm just a part-time manger there.

Um, but it's good seconds.

You know, and it's... it's a lot of responsibility and...

I'm happy, you know?

Well, that's... that's good, Phil. Good for you.

Yeah.

Hey, um, you know, it's actually getting close to train time.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. I... I'll walk you over.

Do you mind gettin'...

Oh, uh...

Sorry. It's cash only too so...

Mm-hmm. That's what I was thinking.

Okay. They have an ATM...

Yeah, yeah, I'll go. I'll head over to the ATM. if you need it.

It's $3.00 fee.

Oh, my God. It wasn't even fully rotted yet.

Like, what... what... was it a raven?

Or I feel like it was maybe a crow 'cause that...

Yeah, it was a crow.

Hey, come on, man.

Let's... let's keep going, huh?

I can still remember the smell of whiskey on his breath.

The way spit would fly from his mouth like it was a warm mist when he'd yell, "You ain't gonna amount to nothin', boy! You belong in the gutter just like me and my pa and his pa before him," and I'd say, "But I ain't like you, Daddy! I may have your blood and I might have your wings, but dog as my witness, I will never be like you... (breathing heavily) as long as I live."

Hey, Phil.

(grunts)

(shattering)

(chuckles) You do it.

(grunts)

Good one.

(chuckles)

(both grunt)

You hit the wi... you hit the top window.

Yeah.

(grunts)

Whoa!

You still got it, dude.

Did you see that?

Oh!

What did I tell you?

Nice. I wanna try too.

(hip-hop music plays)

(meows)

♪ Kitty gone wild Yeah ♪
♪ Uh Yeah ♪
♪ Wh-wh-wh-wh what's it all about? ♪
♪ It's the Bodega Cat and I'm back in the house ♪
♪ Knick-knack, paddy-whack, f*ck your dog bone ♪
♪ I'm mobbing with my cats ♪
♪ We relax on the throne ♪
♪ Which is on top of a bunch of potatoes ♪
♪ Little fine kitty lay on top of the tomatoes ♪
♪ Fat pussycat with a booty like J-Lo's ♪
♪ Body straight from heaven, God gave her a halo ♪
♪ Can of tuna fish went straight to my bowl ♪
♪ Now I got the itis in the cut like Fredo ♪
♪ Man, I hate rats always eating up the bagels ♪
♪ I say, "Hi, hater" ♪
♪ Shout out so they know ♪
♪ Kanye walked in to pick up some rice ♪
♪ Guess who popped out, It was a talking mice ♪
♪ He said ♪
♪ Hey, you! Wake up, Mr. West. ♪
♪ I know you fly, but give it a rest. ♪
♪ Wh-wh-wh-wh-what's it all about ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma- ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma- ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ It's the Bodega Cats in the back in ya house ♪
♪ Wh-wh-wh-wh-what's it all about ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma- ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma- ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ It's the uptown cat and the backup in the house ♪
♪ The Jiggy Cat Burglars ♪
♪ f*ck your hamburger, bruh ♪
♪ f*ck your grandmother up ♪
♪ Rips on your furniture ♪
♪ Meow ♪
♪ Ghetto bring likes you when the hurt them up ♪
♪ She give me head till I shed ♪

Naughty kitty.

♪ Trill cat sh*t ♪
♪ Took a catnap, Have the catnip ♪
♪ Make the p*ssy take the cat skin ♪
♪ From the catfish in my mattress ♪
♪ That sh*t is in the bread aisle ♪
♪ That's where I lay my head ♪
♪ That's my bed now ♪
♪ Meow ♪
♪ Good riddance, it's the Bodega Kittens ♪
♪ I'm the youngest of my siblings ♪
♪ b*at my d*ck with my mittens ♪
♪ You say beef, I say chicken ♪
♪ I don't really know the difference ♪
♪ Ask me what my favorite dish is ♪
♪ Either p*ssy or the fishes ♪
♪ Meow ♪
♪ p*ssy, p*ssy or the fishes, uh ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, it's either p*ssy or fishes ♪
♪ Wh-wh-wh-wh-what's it all about? ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ It's the Bodega Cats, in the back in ya house ♪
♪ Wh-wh-wh-wh-what's it all about? ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow ♪
♪ It's the uptown cat and the backup in the house ♪

(purring)

(meows)

(ticking)

(overlapping chatter)

Fly 1: It's okay.

Fly 2: I'm so sorry.

Honey, I am so sorry for your loss.

No wife wants to see her husband in pain like this.

Thanks, sweetie.

But I can't get, like, any Wi-Fi in this freaking town, so can we go soon?

We at least have to make an appearance at the wake.

I thought this was the wake.

No, this is... this is the burial.

Well, how many times do you have to bury this guy?

Okay, well, it's my Mom. Um...

(phone chimes)

We'll head back to the city in a bit, okay?

(groans)

Where's the bathroom?

I mean, I know she's younger, but I really do love her.

Yeah.

It was actually Eliza's idea to get our vacation condo in Hoboken.

Right.

Five square inches.

Pretty nice.

Yeah.

Plus, she's an absolute freak in the sack.

(chuckles)

(chuckles awkwardly)

So anyway, how's your boy, um...

Alan?

Oh. Aiden.

Aiden. Aiden.

Yeah.

He's in rehab actually.

So sorry. Um...

It's fine.

Eliza actually just got out of a third stint herself.

Oh.

And I got her quite the graduation ring.

Eliza!

Honey, show him the ring!

Eliza?

Well, f*ck you, Charlene.

Oh, God, I f*cking hate you, you f*cking bitch.

But you know what? You tell it like it is and that's why I love you, you crazy bitch.

She's on the phone it looks like.

She's still on her phone.

Oh, God, and we just put in a racquetball court in our place in the Upper East Side and oh, my God, the zoning costs alone...

Mike, I'm...

Mike, I'm sorry, dude, is this all you want to talk about?

Like y... like your... your stuff and all these things that you bought?

What happened to that kid that wanted to help people?

The kid who wanted to be a firefly?

A firefly? (chuckles)

I... I'm sorry. Don't get me started on those union crooks, okay?

Bunch of bums sitting on their tuchuses getting paid from my tax dollars.

No thank you.

You've changed, Mike.

No, Phil. I grew up.

Something you still haven't done.

It's not 10:00 a.m. anymore, man.

Let me tell you something. You know what your problem is?

You're stuck in the past.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I am.

What... what's this?

See you around, Mike.

Son of a bitch did it.

(both laughing)

Come get me, man!

I'm gonna get you!

Mike! Mike, over here!

(both laugh)

Young Phil: And that's when I knew all you really need is...

Old Phil: one good friend to get you through a bad day.

Ah.

(ticking)

You know, I never did get the author to sign my copy.

Hey, Mike.

Holy cow, a first edition.

I haven't seen one of these in a while.

Have a seat, you old fart.

(coughs) Get over here.

(groans)

Oh, boy.

(farts)

Not much today.

I see that.

So how's your son, Aiden?

Oh, he's an optometrist.

He's an... he's an optometrist?

He's got a family of his own now.

Doesn't visit the puddle much.

I guess that's just the way it goes.

How's that wife of yours, Eliza?

Eliza?

She left me a while ago along with most of my money.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, don't be.

If she hadn't have left me, I wouldn't have found my true love, JaiYing Li.

We met at bingo night at the volunteer firefly station, if you can believe it.

Oh, she's a flower.

Delicate as they come.

Really is quiet around here.

Beautiful though.

Old friend, if you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

Not a g*dd*mn second of it.

Well, I should be heading back now.

JaiYing is making soup for dinner.

Get in here.

Get in here.

Well, I guess this is goodbye, old friend.

I suppose so.

Maybe... maybe I'll see you tomorrow.

I'd like that.

Me too.

Oh, don't trip over that f*cking thing there.

f*ck you. I got it.

Whoa! Dude, dude, come here. I think I found something.

Whoa! Why is it burnt?

Who cares, man? Look at her!

Dang!

Oh, man!

Oh, my God, dude.

Oh, shh. Don't tell anybody.

Okay.

This is ours, okay?

Dude, give it to me, man. Give it to me.

No, give it to me.

No. I... I found it. It's mine now.

You tore it, you big freaking idiot.

I'm gonna go home and just look at it, I guess.

(ticking)

♪ My friend ♪
♪ Now, I'm not saying ♪
♪ We are cut from the same tree ♪
♪ But like two pieces of the gallows ♪
♪ The pillar and the beam ♪
♪ Like two pieces of the gallows ♪
♪ We share a common dream ♪
♪ My friend ♪
♪ My friend ♪