02x21 - Chapter Forty-Three

[bunniefuu]

Latin lover narrator: All right, let's go! As you know, Jane and Michael were about to get married. And the wedding was going to be in Jane's house. Only, it flooded! So Rogelio rebuilt their house on the soundstage of his telenovela. What a dad, right? Unfortunately, things weren't as hunky-dory for Jane and Petra. See, Petra's twin Anezka showed up and started causing trouble for Jane. And Petra lied to protect her...

My sister said she didn't place that ad and I believe her.

Leaving Jane reeling.

You don't have to lie for me anymore, Petra.

I have nothing to say to you.

Oh, and speaking of shady relatives, Rafael's mom was the crime lord known as Mutter. Oh, and his long-lost brother Derek showed up and tricked Rafael into making money off an insider trade. And now he was blackmailing him for control of the hotel next door.

You sell me the Fairwick for a dollar or I turn you in to the feds for insider trading.

Latin lover narrator: I know! Cray-cray, right? Anyway, Jane told Michael, and Michael wanted to help, only he'd lost his detective job. So he reached out to his old partner, Susanna.

Derek Ruvelle is totally dirty, and I've got proof.

Latin lover narrator: And Michael was right! Because this happened.

We'll have the Fairwick by the end of the week.

Latin lover narrator: Which, friends, is where we left off. Jane Gloriana Villanueva would never forget the moment she first saw him. The man who was destined to become her son's favorite children's party entertainer.

This guy is amazing.

I know. Bobby's the best.

What's his last name? We were thinking about booking him for Mateo's birthday.

No last name. He's like Beyoncé.

Well, how do you get in touch with him? Bella's obsessed, too.

Talk to him here. Bobby books out months in advance.

When are Mateo and Bella's birthdays?

May 14. May 14.

Oh... so, were you thinking about booking him?

Nah. I... I'm actually thinking a magician or a clown might be better.

Latin lover narrator: It should be noted that Jane believed in fighting fair.

Oh! Oh, hell, no.

Jane, go!

Latin lover narrator: But she also believed in fighting back.

Hey, Vanessa, is that Brandi going towards the parking lot?

Oopsies!

Bobby, big fan of your work.

I'd like to reserve your services for Saturday, May 14, and I can pay you the deposit today. Thank you.

Latin lover narrator: Can you blame her? A kid's first birthday is a pretty big deal. Which brings us here, now.

Okay, Abuela, you're on balloons. Mom, food.

I got his outfit, Michael, you're assembling party favors, and remember to...

Put it in Mateo's birthday pile and not the wedding pile.

Latin lover narrator: Oh, right. Jane has two big parties coming up.

Right, Mom, wedding...

I need you to update the RSVPs.

Michael, did you make sure that your groomsmen have suits?

I did.

They do.

Okay. Good.

I feel good.

Latin lover narrator: Oh, dear. Waiting for that ball to drop.

(phone buzzes)

Oh, sh**t.

E-mail from Professor Donaldson.

Feedback for my novella.

Latin lover narrator: Here we go.

She likes it.

Latin lover narrator: What?

She says, and I quote, "Really good.

"This is approved to develop into your thesis next year. Will discuss a few last-minute tweaks in person."

Oh, really?

Latin lover narrator: If Jane seems less than enthusiastic, it's because this is not the first time Alba has offered to introduce her to someone who "works in publishing."

So, y-you work in publishing?

Kind of. I work at Barnes & Noble.

Your grandmother says that you're very talented.

If you ever get something published, I will put it right up front.

Your grandmother says you're very talented.

If you ever make it out to Belfast, I do hope you'll stop by the library to pay me a visit.

Your granny said...

I'm really talented, yeah, I know. And you're an award-winning author?

Yuppers. My Full House fan fiction was voted top ten in the '90s Sitcom category.

And now everything I wrote has come true.

Beverly Flores, Vice President.

Simon & Schuster?

Abuela, are you kidding me? She works in publishing?

And she said that she'd read my material?

Oh, my God. I can't believe this.

Do you have any idea what this means?

(squeals, laughs)

I hate to break up the celebration, but I got to go.

I got the thing.

Jane: Right.

Okay. Thank you, thank you.

Good luck. (kisses)

Latin lover narrator: What thing? Good luck with what? Oh, come on.

Jane? Did you see this?

From Petra?

What?

You're not coming to my wedding?

Of course not.

Are you serious?

We're in a fight.

Exactly.

When two people are in a fight and one person is so clearly wrong, like you are, the person who is so clearly wrong apologizes.

I'm sorry.

Profusely.

Really, really sorry.

I am.

Honestly.

Why did you lie to me about your sister?

With the whole Mother's Day thing, I was feeling... a little inadequate compared to you.

And, uh...

I just didn't want you to be right all the time.

It's not a competition.

Sometimes it can feel like one.

I get that.

Okay.

Now is the moment that you ask if there's anything that you can do to make things better.

Yes, yes.

What can I do to make it better?

You can keep your sister away from me.

Maybe I could transfer her out of the restaurant to housekeeping?

Good idea.

Now, I'd like you to reconsider coming to my wedding.

Because you're my son's half-sisters' mother, which makes us family.

And family shows up.

Michael: It's a family operation, it has to be.

Derek is working for his mother.

He was never on that boat when he said he was, I know it.

Latin lover narrator: Hmm. Haven't seen her in a while.

I'm not on the force.

I can't get a warrant, but you can.

Latin lover narrator: Oh. Maybe this is what Jane was wishing him luck with.

We need his cell phone records, e-mails.

Michael.

I...

I took a leave of absence to get away from this case.

What happened the night Sin Rostro d*ed... it was traumatic.

Latin lover narrator: Yeah. No kidding.

(grunting)

(g*nsh*t)

I know. But believe me, I wouldn't be asking if there was another way.

I'll think about it.

Derek: You've thought about it long enough.

Time's up. I want my hotel.

Unless you prefer jail?

No.

Good choice.

But I can't just hand over a multimillion dollar property.

Okay? There's paperwork, and I need a story to tell my accountants.

You have 48 hours.

(ticking)

(knocking)

Come in.

Hey!

How's my almost-birthday boy?

(kisses) He's good, he's fighting a little cold.

Hey, anything left on your list for the party?

Nope. All set. And you... how are you?

Did you, uh, decide what you're gonna do about the...

(whispers): Derek thing?

Um, not yet.

Look... I talked to Michael about it.

He wants to help, and he said that Derek is the one the police want.

Petra: It's much more complicated than that.

You don't think that he should turn himself in?

He got the money illegally, he used that money.

Yeah, and he'll get a great lawyer.

And he could still wind up in jail. Look, I have a plan.

A plan? Are you serious? This is Rafael's future.

Latin lover narrator: I'll point out now that this isn't a competition.

I'm gonna talk to my lawyer and see what my options are.

I think that's a great idea.

Latin lover narrator: And I'll also point out

Jane won. Yet again.

Marlene: So you're on the right track.

Oh.

I've got just a few small notes, then you're good to go.

Great.

Because a pretty big opportunity just fell in my lap.

Yeah?

A VP at Simon & Schuster agreed to read my work.

What?

(giggles)

You can't submit this to a publisher.

But you just said it was in great shape.

For a graduate thesis, not for a publisher.

You only get one sh*t with someone like that.

I just really don't think you should use it when the work isn't ready.

Rogelio: Ready to go to work?

Welcome, production personnel, to this very special production meeting.

With Dina away, I am thrilled to be your leader today.

Latin lover narrator: Hmm. Guess they don't applaud at production meetings.

All right, now, to the first order of business... the Telemasivo Sexiest Telenovela Star Alive Twitter poll. You should all have voting guides.

Vote early and as often as you'd like.

With your unwavering support I will vanquish Esteban for the second year in a row.

Okay, moving on.

(clears throat) Um, the, uh, crew and I have a matter that we'd like to address.

Of course, anything you need.

I am here to lead.

Our days are too long and our pay is too low.

Oh, you're gonna have to ask someone else about that. I don't...

We want to unionize, but the network refused, so... we plan to strike.

Strike?

But Tiago is a big happy family.

Where does these radical notions come from?

Both: Sí, se puede, sí, se puede.

All: Sí, se puede, sí, se puede!

Picket lines go up next Friday.

What? No. Not next Friday.

Latin lover narrator: What's next Friday?

Jane: Ma,

I know Professor Donaldson hates me, but this didn't feel personal.

(distant talking)

Oh, let me call you back, I'm at the studio.

Dad wants to walk me through the wedding layout.

(indistinct conversations)

Dad, what's going on?

This is madness. The crew's going to strike.

They want to join a union.

They're not in a union?

That's terrible, with the crazy hours they work?

I know, but...

Dad, tell me that you are supporting them.

This is important. I mean, fair is fair.

Exactly.

Thank you, Jane.

Did everyone hear that?

Jane is on our side. Uh, fair is fair.

All (chanting): Fair is fair!

You don't understand!

(chanting continues)

The picket lines go up Friday. Next Friday.

As in the day before my wedding?

Yes!

Latin lover narrator: No!

Oh, we can't cross a picket line for my wedding!

Strike! Strike! Strike! Your wedding is ruined.

Ruined! Ruined! Ruined!

Latin lover narrator: Hmm, I'm not sure who's freaking out more... Jane or Rogelio.

I'm having chest pains!

Latin lover narrator: Just kidding. It's Rogelio.

I know, Dad. I know!

Okay, I'll have to come up with a contingency plan.

Agreed.

I will plant dr*gs on Jerry and have him arrested!

Stop. They have a valid cause.

So you need to approach them with compassion.

Oh, I see. So you want me to go full Ro-Cho.

Well... full Ro-Cho.

And maybe also find a way to address their concerns so that they don't have to strike.

And in case that doesn't work, I'll try to figure something out for the wedding.

Maybe a new venue?

No, but you really wanted to get married in your house, and I worked so hard building that set.

The crew worked so hard building that set.

Latin lover narrator: Hence the need for a strike.

So maybe we move the wedding?

Until after the strike? That could take months.

No, no, I'm not pushing.

Latin lover narrator: Thank God.

I'd rather move it sooner.

Maybe next week before they vote, so, Thursday.

As a last resort?

Latin lover narrator: And speaking of huge bummers...

So, my lawyer said they could go easy on me, or they could want to make an example out of someone like me.

Latin lover narrator: Rich, entitled, son of a crime lord.

That's exactly what I'm worried about.

Look, I want to believe that everything will work out okay if you're a good person and you click your heels and wish on a star, but unfortunately, I just don't think that's true.

And neither does Jane.

Please, just hear my idea.

Raf, you know I have no ulterior motive except that I love you.

As the father of my children.

As my family.

Krishna, hold my calls, please.

Jane: Ma, any luck with the dress? I'm still on hold.

Tuesday. They can do a fitting on Tuesday.

Okay, hold it, and, Abuela, keep Thursday at 5:00 for Mass.

Okay, Lina's good to go, and she's telling our friends to be prepared.

I left messages for both my parents, just got off the phone with the tailor.

If I'm there in 20 minutes, they can fit me today.

So what are you still doing standing there?! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Wait! Is my phone done charging?

Yes, and you got a bunch of missed calls.

Oh.

Mwah.

Mwah.

Latin lover narrator: The Bobby? Beyoncé Bobby?

Jane! It's Bobby.

Listen, bit of a snafu here.

I double-booked for Saturday.

Call me ASAP to confirm Mateo's party.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

(phone chimes)

Bobby again. Still waiting to hear from you.

Ugh!

(phone chimes)

Listen, the other person called back, and I haven't heard from you, so... I have to cancel.

No! Ugh!

Rogelio: I am confident we can find a solution.

And I hope you love the gift basket.

You really thought a gift basket would make me abandon my principles?

Of course... not?

Latin lover narrator: He definitely did.

It's a gesture of solidarity.

Oh, yeah? So there's a raise and humane hours under the beef jerky?

Oh, come on, Jerry.

I called the head honchos and left word.

Please don't strike. It'll be disastrous for everyone involved with the show.

That's what you're worried about?

Of course?

Has nothing to do with the fact that we just built a set for Jane's wedding, and it's next week?

Okay, fine! Yes, but it's not only for Jane.

Anyone's daughter can use it, even yours!

My oldest daughter is 15 years old, Rogelio.

Look, it's not about that.

You have no clue what this crew goes through every day.

Then clue me in.

Let me walk in your shoes!

What?

I will join your crew for the week.

(laughs) You wouldn't last a day.

Would you care to wager on that?

What do you have in mind?

If I last the week as a crew member, you will postpone the strike until after Jane's wedding.

Okay. If you don't, you become the public face of our strike. Deal?

De... ear God, the calluses!

Can I recommend a paraffin treatment, which... ?

Sorry. I mean... deal.

(clown laughing, Mateo crying)

Oh. Sweetie.

I know. I know. He's creepy.

(clown horns honk)

Oh. This is a disaster.

I ruined Mateo's birthday because I was consumed by my wedding, and now the only entertainers available are...

(quietly): terrifying clowns or p*rn clowns!

What am I gonna do?!

What?!

No. It's his first birthday.

Abuela, stop. He deserves a birthday party.

He's having one, end of story.

Xiomara: Okay, good news.

The Din-o-mites are available Saturday.

Yes! And they're apparently performing at Flamingo Park tomorrow if you and Mateo want to go check them out.

Oh, no need. Mateo's already seen them at his friend Ava's birthday.

Book 'em. We're in. Let me update Rafael.

Sorry, he's been in a closed-door meeting with Petra forever.

With Petra? An-Any idea what it's about?

Nope. Closed door, so...

Right. Okay.

Thanks, Krishna.

Can you watch Mateo? I'll be right back. Mm.

Wait. What's going on? Where are you going?

To make sure Petra doesn't corrupt Rafael's soul.

Huh. Jane. What a surprise.

Well, I suppose you have a good reason for barging in here.

After a run, apparently.

Birthday party crisis.

Bobby canceled.

Beyoncé Bobby?

Oh, no. Do we have a backup?

Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.

My mom found this other group, the Din-o-mites.

Petra: Doesn't sound like much of a crisis, then, right?

Certainly not a valid reason to disrupt a closed-door meeting. (laughs)

No, but I did want to ask Rafael if he wanted to join Mateo and me to see the Din-o-mites tomorrow.

You know, just so that he got comfortable with them and, uh... and didn't freak out at the party.

Rafael: Yeah.

Yeah, sure, I'll-I'll be there.

That's it, then?

No more urgent birthday party business?

No, that's it.

Tomorrow.

It's fine, I'll talk to him tomorrow.

Petra won't be there to lure him to the dark side.

Use the force, Jane.

Exactly, I will!

And I'm going to convince him to turn himself in and work with the police.

Good. That's what he should do.

Agreed.

He won't have to go to jail, right?

Positioning himself as someone who can help find a connection between Derek and Mutter is his best bet.

Even though the blackmail's not necessarily connected to her?

But it is, it has to be.

It just doesn't make sense.

Why would Derek blackmail Rafael for a hotel?

Instead of for cash. Yeah, that is weird.

Exactly.

Hey, does this make me, like, your new partner?

(laughs)

Yeah, something like that.

(both laugh, ringtone plays)

Oh.

Susanna.

Oh, take it. Tell her I've been covering for her, so it's all good.

Okay.

Susanna: Okay.

Michael: You're gonna help me?

I want Mutter caught, too.

So I got the case files.

Tech decoded that flash drive with the criminals whose faces were changed by Mutter and Sin Rostro, all 200 of 'em.

Michael: Great.

That's... that's great.

Yeah, and at a million bucks a pop.

That's $200 million unaccounted for.

I'll send you the names.

Look for any connection to Derek.

(footfalls approaching)

Jane? Oh, that face.

You are even more adorable in person.

Wait. Do we... ?

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Your grandmother showed me so many pictures. Beverly Flores.

Latin lover narrator: Simon & Schuster Beverly Flores?

Yes! Yes. Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Such a pleasure to meet you.

And you.

Oh.

Honestly, I don't read new writers, but your Abuela is such a hoot.

She promised to pray for me every night if I read your work.

Latin lover narrator: The work which Professor Donaldson said was just good?

And your Abuela says it's just great.

(sighs) Michael.

Oh, wow, you're so much taller than I thought.

Oh. (laughs)

Okay, I will leave you two lovebirds alone.

I'll be looking for you in my inbox, Jane.

Waiting to be wowed.

Terrific. Thank... thank you. Thank you so much.

(sighs) Alba's publishing friend?

Oh. What do I do?

Professor Donaldson says I shouldn't send it yet, but she does hate romance.

Do you think it's ready?

I don't know.

Will you read it?

Of course. I'm dying to.

But I need you to give me an honest opinion.

Rogelio: Honestly?

These shorts are amazing!

It's like a purse, but in pants form. So many pockets.

Latin lover narrator: Looks like Rogelio is enjoying his new job.

And I can display my calves, which are the best part of my lower legs.

Okay. Well, you're an electric today, so... finish wrapping up that cable, put it over there.

Wrap it in... like newspaper?

Pick it up, wind it up, put it over there.

Consider it wrapped. Wow.

I got to get all the lingo down. Hmm.

(sighs)

Oh, boy, it's heavier than I thought.

♪ When you face a scary challenge... ♪

As soon as they take a break, I am tackling that stegosaurus and triple-confirming they're free tomorrow.

Yes! Go, Team Mateo!

Yay!

(babbles) Yes! Yes.

Hey, so, listen, I wanted to talk to you about the Derek, um, situation.

Petra: Oh, there you are!

Petra.

Why are you here?

I know how competitive the baby birthday party market can be, so...

I wanted to check out these, um, dragon whatevers for Anna and Elsa.

Latin lover narrator: Translation: she didn't want Jane to be alone with Rafael.

They're dinosaurs, not dragons.

Same thing.

Only not really. One existed.

The other is a fictitious monster that breathes fire.

Well, they certainly look similar.

Latin lover narrator: Something tells me this argument is about more than dragons versus dinosaurs. And they weren't the only ones having a tough day.

Man: Rogelio, over here.

(sighs, fabric tearing)

(sighs)

Finished, boss.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Ran all the cable?

Rogelio: Uh-huh.

Okay.

Hit the lights.

(chuckling)

I work out with a trainer three times a week, but I never knew true physical exertion until today.

(gasps) Have you guys considered releasing a grip-electric workout DVD?

You'd make a fortune!

De la Vega, go to the truck, get some sandbags.

Got it, boss! Great for the glutes.

It's time we kick things up a notch.

Agreed.

Let's make a little schedule change.

What is going on here?

This is lit for my good side, not my great side!

Rogelio: What does that mean, Jerry? It means we relight the whole damn thing.

All that work you did this morning, you have to do it again.

Hey! No, no, no!

Too late. I already got a great sh*t.

Don't you dare tweet that.

(bird chirps)

(gasps)

All's fair in the battle for Sexiest Telenovela Star.

How you holding up?

Well, I am filled with rage, Jerry.

Which I will channel into my cable duties.

Really? Crashing a kids' festival?

I'm here for the same reason you're here.

To find a musical act for my son's birthday.

Oh, please.

You're trying to convince Rafael that you know best.

I'm trying to stop him from doing something dangerous and stupid.

Good. 'Cause my plan is smart.

(scoffs)

You haven't even heard it.

Fine, Petra, tell me the plan.

♪ No, you don't go on a picnic with a T. Rex ♪
♪ If you do, I guarantee you're gonna be vexed ♪
♪ You can fill up your basket ♪
♪ With fruits and treats and sweets ♪
♪ But once that T. Rex sees ya ♪
♪ You'll be just his kind of meat ♪
♪ Yum, yum, yum, delicious... ♪

That's insane!

It won't work.

Rafael: Really?

You guys aren't done arguing yet?

(overlapping arguing)

Stop, please.

Look, I thought about it, and...

I'm gonna go with Petra's idea.

(Mateo babbling)

Okay. All right. All right, Mateo. (sighs)

You know, it might not be a competition.

But I must say, it feels good to finally win.

♪ Yum, yum, yum, delicious. ♪

(clapping)

Beautiful.

So much hair and not a single nit.

Yes, well, shampoo.

Can I just say I liking that Rafael listened to you.

Me, too. This way, he has a chance to get out of this mess.

No. Because I think he is starting to love you again.

What?

No.

Yes.

This is something I have been seeing.

The way he is looking at you...

Latin lover narrator: Huh. It would seem Petra is warming to this idea.

(Mateo coughing over speaker)

Aw. Mateo's a little warm, poor thing.

I gave him some Tylenol and put on a humidifier.

Michael?

Latin lover narrator: Ooh. That is cold, Michael.

(coughing continues)

(coughs loudly) Sorry.

Oh, my God, I'm...

I fell asleep. I'm so sorry.

No worries. Totally get it.

It's, uh, late. Ish.

For Mateo. Jane, it's not the writing.

That's great.

But, you know, romance, it's just... it's not my thing.

Sure. Although you did stay up all night reading Angelique Harper. And I think your exact words were "I couldn't put it down."

I promised you that I'd be brutally honest.

It's not as good as Angelique Harper.

But how could it be? It's your first one.

I'm sure it took Angelique a few tries to become...

Angelique, right?

Right.

(coughing continues)

Yeah.

(sighs heavily)

Man: Everybody up!

Up!

Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Hands off your computer, sir.

Put your hands up.

What the hell?

We have a warrant.

Start with the computers.

Why'd you do this?

I didn't.

Let's go, Mr. Solano.

Petra, call my lawyer now!

(Mateo coughing)

Michael: He feeling any better?

Poor guy.

I know.

What'd your mom say?

Well, if we move the wedding to Thursday, she'll miss the actual ceremony.

You're kidding.

Her boss has this huge deposition that day.

It was supposed to be Friday, but they already moved it so she could make the rehearsal dinner.

We can't get married without your mom.

My dad has to come through.

Latin lover narrator: And, fortunately, he was.

Okay. What's next, boss?

I just need you to change out one last lightbulb.

Terrific. Changing out a lightbulb, a job so easy there's a series of jokes about how easy it is.

(chuckles) Up there.

At this point, I'll remind you that Rogelio has a debilitating fear of heights. And leprechauns. But that's less pertinent.

Are you all right?

Raf, you were gone for hours.

(elevator bell dings)

(sighs)

It went great.

Derek definitely bought it. I saw him pacing the halls, looking completely freaked out.

He'll confront you, you'll get him to confess to bribing you, end of story.

Latin lover narrator: That's right. The whole FBI raid was a setup!

(elevator bell dings)

Those are some great poker faces. Rogelio's, not so much.

Jerry: It's time to say uncle, Rogelio!

There's no shame in it, man.

Come on. Let's get you down.

I can't.

Rogelio, come on!

I mean...

I really can't.

(coughing, crying)

Okay, Mr. Sweetface.

I know. Maybe we should call the pediatrician.

What do you think? Oh, baby.

(phone rings)

Hello? Hi, Jerry. What's going on?

(drilling)

You heard me.

What's going on?

It wasn't me. Why would I call the feds?

I don't get the hotel if they freeze your assets.

What's in it for me?

You tell me. We had a deal.

I know. You give me the...

(loud drilling)

Latin lover narrator: sh**t! I can't make that out! What's he saying? Uh-oh. I'm guessing the recorder didn't pick it up either.

(drilling stops)

So you're telling me it's not your fault.

That's what I said.

Because of our deal.

I give you the hotel, you don't turn me in.

What?

Well, is that what you're saying?

Where's the recorder?

Or I call the police.

Nine... one...

Fine.

(sighs)

Latin lover narrator: Oh, dear.

Jerry: He won't budge.

It's been... two hours.

Can you keep an eye on Mateo? He's sleeping.

Okay. I'm going up.

(exhales)

(groans)

(whimpers)

(sighs)

They asked me to change a lightbulb, but I just can't do it. And I know what you're gonna say, that it doesn't matter, that you love me...

Wrong.

You're doing it.

What?!

Otherwise, Michael's mom can't come to the wedding.

So stop being a baby, walk this catwalk, and change that freaking lightbulb!

Sí... se... puede. Sí...

Oh.

(grunts, panting)

No way he makes it.

Sí... se... puede.

Okay, I just...

(grunts)

(panting)

♪ ♪

(laughs)

He's been coughing a lot, kind of wheezing. (coughing)

(sighs)

(coughing continues)

Oh, baby, you're really warm.

You know what, I'm gonna call the doctor.

(crying)

Uh, what you did up there, for your daughter, um, I'm impressed.

I know that was hard for you.

So I'll make due on my promise, and, uh, we'll hold off on the strike.

Thank you, Jerry.

Sure.

Oh. Huh.

Dad, I just got off the phone with the doctor.

He said that I should bring Mateo into the E.R.

(coughing)

You did the right thing bringing him in.

With the high fever and wheezing, we need to do a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia.

And we're gonna need to do some blood work to rule out bacterial infection.

Who wants to hold him down?

What? While I draw blood.

(sighs)

Uh, me. Me. I'll do it.

Shh...

Doctor: Hold tight. No jerking.

(Mateo screaming)

He's okay.

They ruled out serious infection, it's not pneumonia.

Oh, thank God.

But they do want to keep him overnight, watch his breathing, make sure he's hydrated.

We'll all stay.

No, no, no, no.

You guys go.

Seriously, it's a tiny room.

Rafael and I have it.

Are you sure?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

All right, let's go, guys.

I love you.

I love you, too.

He still asleep?

Out like a light.

Hey, you okay?

I'm just angry at myself.

I should have called the doctor earlier.

Hey, come on.

He got worse quickly.

Yeah, he was sick, I took him out.

It was so stupid.

Yeah, well... we all do stupid things.

Petra's plan didn't work.

Derek caught on.

Oh, no.

I signed over The Fairwick.

Then... so... what now? You just hope that Derek never brings it up again?

Well, he got what he wanted.

But when does it end?

I mean, what if he wants something else?

The guy is bad news, and I care about you, I...

I just... I just hope this is the end of it.

(phones beep)

Oh, my God.

He's officially one.

I can't believe it.

(both laugh)

(sighs)

What?

His party.

Oh, my God, we have to cancel Mateo's party.

Oh, hello, dear network executives.

What are you doing here at this late hour?

Those two are in charge of replacing our crew when we fire everyone on Friday.

Wait, what?

Before they strike.

Why not just listen to their concerns?

Because we don't have to. We can do the show without them.

By the way, congrats, you won Sexiest Telenovela Star.

Two years running.

Okay, tracked down curly fries.

I love you.

Thank you.

I officially canceled Mateo's birthday, which I probably should have done a few days ago.

What do you mean?

I was overwhelmed, there was so much going on, and my grandma pointed out it wasn't so much for him as it was for us.

Yeah, so what if it was for us?

I mean, we got him through a whole year.

Don't we deserve to celebrate that?

Yeah, we do.

I can't believe it's been a year.

It feels like just yesterday.

♪ Show me ♪
♪ Who I am and who I could be... ♪

When he was just a peach.

♪ Initiate... ♪

The fetus is around three inches long right now, about the size of a peach.

♪ Properly... ♪

And then seeing him for the first time.

♪ And I'll run the risk... ♪

He's beautiful.

♪ Of being intimate with brokenness... ♪

He's crawling!

♪ Through this magnifying glass ♪

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Mateo, you're cruising!

(laughs)

(laughing): And when you first saw Bobby, and you nearly clobbered that other mom.

♪ Of being intimate with brokenness ♪

Latin lover narrator: Oh, right, this was just before Michael returned.

Do you see that?

We need him.

Ugh, it's so extravagant.

When she and Rafael were just about to get back together.

Come on, Mateo only turns one once.

Just... find out how to get in touch with Bobby.

Huh?

(gasps)

♪ A thousand fingerprints ♪

It's true. A lot changes in a year.

We did it.

(sighing): Yeah, we did.

♪ Who I am... ♪

(sniffles)

And a lot doesn't.

Xiomara: Knock, knock.

Since you decided to cancel the party, we decided to bring the party here.

(chuckling): Oh.

Hi.

(chuckling): You guys are so sweet, I just wish that you had texted 'cause we're getting discharged any minute.

I had the art department make this.

I paid them this time, don't worry.

Mateo will think he had a party to rival North West's.

Oh.

Oh, and he's wearing his special birthday outfit.

Oh, that is so... cute and weird.

Thank you.

♪ Cumpleaños ♪
♪ Feliz ♪
♪ Cumpleaños feliz ♪
♪ Cumpleaños, Mateo ♪
♪ Cumpleaños feliz. ♪

Hey, look.

Rogelio: Hey. We take a picture for his book.

But, find his light first.

(laughing)

So, listen.

Huh?

I have some bad news.

I know you wanted your wedding on Saturday, but I have to join the picket line on Friday.

But you changed the lightbulb.

They were gonna walk out on Sunday.

Telemasivo executives plan to replace them before that, and I can't let that happen.

I get that.

I'll just find another venue so that Michael's mom can come.

Oh, no, I figured that part out.

Kenny, our second AC, has a sister who flies helicopters, so for just $3,500, she will pick up Michael's mother after her deposition and deliver her to church with time to spare.

Latin lover narrator: It should be noted, that this was just this type of crazy spending that Jane had been trying to curb.

What the heck? This is my wedding, fly her in.

Oh, stop, you don't have to read it.

Just go back to Derek's case.

No, I'm reading your book.

Yeah, okay, but I decided, I could do better.

You know, I mean, I've changed so much this past year, and that?

That's like a... first pancake, you know?

A little off. I want to give Beverly the second pancake, which I told her in non-pancake terms.

What'd she say?

Oh, that she'll look for it in the future. We'll see.

I just... (clicks tongue)

I want to dig deeper.

What?

Dig deeper, in my writing.

Dig deeper.

I... will.

No, what if there is something underneath the Fairwick.

What if they dug tunnels... tunnels that are connected to the Marbella, tunnels that were filled in, when we found the plastic surgery suites.

Maybe that's why this hotel is so important.

Maybe this is where the missing money is.

Think about it, why else would Mutter need the Fairwick?

That's got to be where she stashed the money.

Susanna: Cordero, we don't have a warrant.

You don't think Derek could take 200 million bucks and flee?

Exigent circumstances.

No warrant needed.

Meet me there.

Hello?

Is anyone here?

(metal banging)

What the... ?

Latin lover narrator: Is it the money? Wait, no, it's...

Don't worry.

I left her in the Fairwick, and I'm in the air... with the money.

(knocking on door)

Jane: It's open!

Oh, uh...

I thought you were Rafael.

I'm here to apologize... profusely.

(laughs)

For, um... for snapping at you at the park.

That was not...

Din-o-mite?

Kind of me.

I know... it's not a competition.

Yeah, well...

I'm starting to think it is, actually.

Excuse me?

And I do hope Rafael comes to me for advice more.

What?!

Because I won't tell him to do crazy things like staging a fake FBI raid.

Well, I was trying something at least.

The wrong thing.

Oh, will you stop already?

There is no right or wrong, Jane.

That is not true.

So, you think it's right for him to go to jail?

Look, you're an optimist, that's all, and I'm a realist, and I'm getting tired of you assuming that you're the better person.

Which brings us here, now.

How's it going, Petra?

Perfectly, really.

I think Rafael has feelings for me again.

He can see I'm the person for him, not Jane.

Very funny.

(laughs)

Well, I wanting to be sounding like beautiful sister.

Did it work?

Yes.

Well done, Anezka.

Wig is not perfect, but I do better next time.

I can see what Petra seeing in him, actually.

He-he is being very charming.

You stay away from that man.

Don't worry.

I won't mess up plan we have spent whole year working on.

Wow.

Has it been year already?

Time flies.