05x24 - Happy Campers. Happier Trails

Episode transcripts for the 2011 TV show "Awkward". Aired July 19, 2011 to May 24, 2016.
"Awkward" revolves around 15 year old social outcast Jenna Hamilton, who the student body mistake an accident she had for a su1c1de attempt. By making changes and embracing her misfortune, she becomes well-known to her peers because of the accident and begins a blog that eventually helps her grow. As she also deals with different high school issues such as boy troubles, peer-pressure, and trying to fit in throughout her years.
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05x24 - Happy Campers. Happier Trails

Post by bunniefuu »

Where is she? Is she okay?

Let's just prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Sadie's strong. I know she'll be okay.

Is that thing glued to your lips?

Why won't anyone tell us how she is?


You should all just come with me.

[dramatic music]

Oh, God.

Can... can she speak?

Will you drama queens shut the [bleep] up?

Oh, my God, it's a miracle!

Praise Jesus!

I told you no visitors, Nurse Ratchet.

How is anyone supposed to get any rest in this hellhole?

Thank you so much for coming, but you're not friends or family, so get out!

Yeah, you heard the crash test dummy.

That goes for you too, limp liver.

And why would you bring Hamilstaph here?

She's covered in more bacteria than the floor of this hospital!

Well, at least she can speak.

Nurse, please remove these intruders.

I need my rest.

You guys, I've never seen her like this.

Okay, I have, like, every day, but this feels worse.

That text she sent? Jesus.

How did it happen?

You ask me, it was a cry for help.

When you are that nasty and miserable and have no friends left, what else is there to do besides drive in front of a truck?

How could you try to take your own life?

What are you talking about, you moron?

No matter what fights we had, it didn't need to come to this.

You can't all be serious.

You think I tried to k*ll myself over you?

You drove in front of a truck!

I clipped its mirror and overcorrected into a street sign.

Sadie, is there anything we can do?

Get out.

Okay, well, wish you could be with us at Camp Pookah tomorrow.

Why would I want to step foot in that tick-infested firetrap?

They're closing, Sadie. Forever.

Finally, some good news.

The sooner they bulldoze that sad, horse[bleep]-smelling...

Wait. What's happening to the horses?

Well, I think they're getting moved to another camp in San Bernardino.

Oh, God, Chocolate Chip.

There she goes again trying to eat her feelings.

He was my horse, you pickled booze bag.

Get the [bleep] out!

[quirky music]

And you, stop looking at me!

[cell phone chimes]

It's official. I got in.

You are looking at an SCU h*m*.

But you loved Wyckoff.

Yeah, but SCU is big and has such a better writing program, and Luke's around.

Way to downplay the main attraction.

Not the main attraction, just a hot added bonus.

I feel you on that.

It is a warm and fuzzy jam to have a supportive and helpful BF.

Yeah, Patrick is pretty great.

Cool and cute and generous to boot.

Jenna, he's offered to pay off all my debt.

So you're gonna let him do it?

Why not?

TBH, on some level, I kind of like being taken care of.

It's sort of empowering.

Okay, got to run, SCU girl.

I will see you mañana at Camp Pookah.

SCU girl, huh?

So you're gonna do it?

Yeah, just got my official acceptance.

Congrats, I guess.

I mean, if you think that's the right, uh, thing.

It is the right thing.

Yeah, it's just, you know, when I wanted to transfer to Wyckoff to be with you, you said that...

It's not the same thing, Matty, not by a long sh*t.

This has nothing to do with Luke?

No, it doesn't.

I know what I'm doing, okay?


Am I gonna see you at Camp Pookah tomorrow?

Yeah, I kind of can't wait just to see it all one last time...

The dock, my old bunk bed, freezer in the kitchen.

We used to pick the lock and steal the ice cream.

You did that too?


You thought only the cool kids stole the ice cream?

Well, you were cool, to me anyway.

I want to do it again.

Hey, I'll bring a paper clip and some bobby pins.

You bring a hammer just in case.

Congrats, babe.

Oh, I couldn't have done it without you.

Your talent and hard work is what got you in, and it's perfect timing.

Professor Heaney is having an open house tomorrow.

But my Camp Pookah thing is tomorrow.

I know.

It's just, he's the head of the program.

Almost all the professors will be there, lots of your future classmates too.

I really wish I could, but I already promised everyone.

Jenna, this is kind of a big deal.

You might not want to miss it for, you know, camp.

It's more than just camp to me, Luke.

It's a place full of memories.

I mean, I was a camper there, then a counselor.

Okay, but you're coming in as a transfer.

This is such a great way for you to get a head start, and I kind of told everybody you were coming with me.

I know.

I just wanted to show you off to everybody.

I was flattered he wanted to bring me so badly, and he was right. I'd have my memories of camp forever, but SCU was my future.

Okay, you got me.

I'm in.

You sure?

Beyond sure.

It was my first big SCU event, and I was nervous and excited and distracted.

[light orchestral music]

Jenna, I'd like you to meet Peter and Kelly.

This is the girlfriend we've been hearing so much about.

Oh, don't believe all the hype.

I won't. I'm a cynical bastard.

Oh, don't be an ass, Peter.

You'll scare her.

I couldn't expect to just instantly click with everyone at SCU. I was starting from scratch and was going to need to give it time and to stop thinking about my old friends having fun at Camp Pookah without me.

[upbeat electronic music]

Hey, where's Jenna?

She had to go some SCU thing.

So, what, she's not coming?

No, which really sucks because we were supposed to accidentally fall out of the canoe together.

We were planning an ice cream heist.

Well, there goes your last chance ever.

Greed is taking this place down.

Our childhood is being annihilated and turned into condos.

Lissa, dark.

Sadie's brush with death has me in a darkish place.

If she died, I think she might have gone to hell, and that's just not fun.

We should take a picture to cheer her up.

[quirky music]

[phone camera shutter clicks]

I am so sick of forms.

What the hell is this?

Precautionary measure, given the circumstances of your accident.

I didn't try to k*ll myself.

The hospital is providing you with a counselor.

I don't want a freaking counselor.

Ms. Saxton.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm the grief counselor.

Now listen, no matter how bad it gets, su1c1de is never the answer.

You cannot leave me alone with this idiot!

She causes more suicides than she prevents!

Shh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay.

Listen to me, dimwit.

I don't know if you got your grief counseling certificate from the same 99¢ store that you got your guidance counselor credentials, and I don't care.

This whole thing is a big misunderstanding.

The accident wasn't even my fault!

It was that bitch inside my phone!

Do you have a tendency to blame others for your thoughts of su1c1de?

That is it. I am out here!

Not alone.

You're not invited where I'm going.

You are not leaving this room until I discharge you.


Remember, all castles should have a very high tower just for the princess.

As Virginia Woolf says, "Every princess needs a room of her own."

Bunny Boots, I have a surprise for you!

Ah, Garrett Gibson!

Oh, my God... our God, your God!

This is almost like FaceTiming with Jesus!

Well, I do try to keep the line to the Savior open.


Listen, your mom tells me what a devoted servant you are.

He's a big fan of Atonercise, baby.

Oh, really?

Yes, it's a wonderful way to praise the Lord and burn calories all at the same time.

[chuckles] I know, right?

If Satan's got a hold of your thighs, grab that cross, Atonercise!


He wants to buy your business.

What? Really?

Yes, Lissa, you have done a great job getting Atonercise started, but now it needs a bigger platform.

My church has an international reach.

If we can bring Atonercise into the fold, well, business will boom, fat will burn, and souls will flourish!

"Bring into the fold"?

My lawyers have drawn up an agreement.

You will be handsomely compensated.

All you have to do is sign on the dotted line.


My church corporation will get the Atonercise name and your routines but you will certainly be involved.

God has made you the conduit for this wonderful spiritual exercise regime.


No, it was my idea!

Pray on it, Lissa.

And check out the deal points.

My lawyer? Really fair.

[quirky music]



Ay Dios mío.

Who the [bleep] are you?


[cheers and applause]

Come on, Kev!

Use your core!



Jenna was supposed to do this with us.

I guess she's got better things to do.

Guess so.

Do you think she should transfer?

If I have learned one thing in my 18 years of parenting, it is to let Jenna make up her own mind.

Even if she's making a mistake?

Because the only reason she's transferring is to be with Luke.

If you have something to say to her, just say it.

You're still kids; it's not like you're married, for God's sake.

This guy, he has to do exactly what I tell him to do.

What do I have to do?

I was just saying how lucky I am to be married to the boy that I have loved ever since I first laid eyes on him in high school.


Academic discourses become so fragmented and contentious as to have become political.

But everything is political.

What do you think, Jenna?

Ah, the smartphone.

The bane of social interaction in the civilized world.

It's nice to meet you just the same.

Could you maybe try a little harder?

That man is our host.

I was trying, but to be honest, I was a little bored.

Yeah, I'm sorry we don't have canoes and rope swings.

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

No, it's okay.

Look, maybe you should go.

I'm fine.

If you're not enjoying this, it's better that you not stay and make a bad impression, for you, I mean.

Guess I better go... for me.

That ring's really expensive.

Is it for you or a girl?

It's for a girl.

You made it! How was the SCU thing?

It was fun.

You sound lukewarm, pun intended.

No, it was great.

There were all these cool people, and we had wine and cheese and... and talked about... stuff.
[light pop music]

Taste of things to come, right?

♪ And there's no way to describe ♪

Hey, Derek was cool and let the dogs out.

Well, me.

Derek mellowed out?

Dude's got his whole life planned until retirement.

I can't stop thinking about his windowless office and how scary it can be to commit to something for a lifetime.

Well, I guess it depends on what you're committing to.

Sadie Saxton, I am an empath, but if you give me one more flat tire, I will tip you over.



Look at you.

Oh, I miss you.

Can you believe it?

I'm rescuing another wounded bird.

Out of my way!

She was admitted into my hospital.

Did I tell you I'm grief counseling now?

Oh, wow. Huh.

You know what?

Actually, maybe you should talk to Sadie since you both tried to, you know... [mimics throat-slitting]

Ix-nay yourselves.

Technically, she's still on su1c1de watch, but equine therapy is supposed to be very good for depressives.

Besides, what can she possible find in that barn to hurt herself?

Rope? [chuckles]

Cattle prods, pickaxes.



You made it after all.

Yeah, I had a real taste for some freezer-burnt Rocky Road.

All right.

I'm sorry I've been away for so long, Chocko.

[horse neighs]

I can't believe you're moving.

Me too. I have to go back to New York, and I wish I could take you with, but I don't have a place for you, and there, they make horses pull carriages full of disgusting tourists, and that is no life for you.

[horse chuffs]

Shh, don't interrupt.

This is beast-to-beast catharsis.

But I promise I will make sure they take good care of you because you were the best horse ever.

A true friend.

Even if sometimes I might have taken you for granted, you were always there for me... and you never held it against me if I got a little bitchy because you knew how much I loved you, even if I didn't say it as much as I should have.

But I did.

[gentle music]

And I do.


And I wish my other friends understood that like you.

I love you, Chocolate Chip.

[sobbing] Your friendship means more to me than you will ever know.


Okay, you [bleep]heads can come out now!

I know you're watching me.

What are you looking at, you creepers?

I'm just talking to my horse.

[horse neighs]

And I'm sorry... [sobbing]

[horse chuffs]

For... whatever.


Okay, I am, like, freakishly good at my job.

I need your advice, Sadie.

Mommy is here with Garrett Gibson.

That revolting mega-preacher?

He wants to buy Atonercise and fold it into his church and his corporation, which I guess are the same thing.

He said I was a conduit.

Do you really want someone like that running something that you worked so hard to create?

Man, I'd never do that.

I love being my own boss.

I mean, it's harder and more responsibility, but it's yours.

Mommy, I'm not selling Atonercise.

Lissa, don't make hasty decisions.

It's not hasty.

I talked to Sadie and God.

But you said that talking to Garrett was like FaceTiming with Jesus.

If I can build Atonercise into a national franchise and become hugely successful, I can cut out the middleman and FaceTime with actual Jesus.

Go, ladyballs.

If Lissa can do it, I can do it.

I need to bet on myself.

If I can't dig myself out of this debt that I'm in, then I'll feel like a helpless loser for the rest of my life.

You're not a loser, T.

Okay, here goes.

We're from two different worlds.

Mine is one where I need to learn to stand on my own two feet, which will for sure happen, but it could literally take years.

So, until then, can we just sort of put a pin in this?

Am I crazy?

The least crazy girl I've ever met.

There you are.

That back window by the freezer is still loose, and I brought a hammer just in case.

Let's do this.

[upbeat pop music]

[whistle blows]

So, Jenna...

Jenna, the deed is done.

WTF is wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.

You made an incredibly mature decision, and I'm proud of you for betting on yourself.

Hey, is there any more ice cream?

You have to climb through the window.

That's a lot of work, and I am over indentured servitude.

I quit the country club.


No way.

Palos Hills is great, but I got to get the hell out of here.

I was thinking New York.

I can show you all the ins and outs.

I am an expert on all things NYC.

And headline news: it is mofoing expensive.

They'll end up roommates.

Tamara is really desperate for cash.

[pensive pop music]

[cheers and applause]

I just wanna say I'm sorry for being such a dick back there.

It's okay. You weren't really.

Maybe a little.

You're doing the right thing.

I know it's a big decision.

I know in my heart what the right choice is, and that's for you to come to SCU and be with me.

I know.

That's all I came to say.

I think I'll probably head back to the SCU thing.

You don't want to stay?

Nah, this is a time for you to spend with your old friends.


♪ Somewhere inside ♪
♪ I knew that we'd be fine ♪



This is weird.

I know.

Memories, right? [chuckles]


We didn't know a single thing about each other back then.

Jenna, I know Luke is a great guy...

Matty, don't.

And you were right yesterday.

Me wanting to go Wyckoff was nothing like you wanting to go to SCU.

I was screwed up then, and I didn't know who I was anymore, and I wanted you to fix it.

You're not like that.

You know who you are and... and... and what you want.

You found things that you're good at, And you're on this amazing road that you found for yourself and by yourself.

And you should give that up just to be with someone.

You don't need to.

[somber music]

And even though we always seem to find a way to mess things up when we're together...

I love you.

No, Matty!

Why are you saying this? Why now?

And more than anything in the world, Jenna, what I want is to tell you to choose me over him...

♪ I can't get up ♪

But I'm not gonna do that because the one thing that I want more than that is for you to choose yourself.

Okay, not... not me.

Not him.


Hey, don't throw away all the great things you got going on in your life just to be with Luke.

All right, you may think that it's right for you, but I know that it isn't.

And in that moment, I realized it was true. Matty McKibben may not have known a thing about me last time we were here, but by now, he knew me better than anyone. Sometimes he disappointed me, but the truth was,

I had underestimated him.

He had grown and taught me something really important about myself, and I loved him for it more than I ever thought possible.

If I don't transfer, then what?

Then neither of us has any clue what's gonna happen, you know, but what I know is that a part of me will always be yours, and, you know, when the time is right, I have a feeling we'll find each other.

You know, we always do.

[chuckles and sobs]

That is the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.

Is it real, or are you just trying to get laid in this closet again?

It couldn't be more real.

[Angus and Julia Stone's "All This Love"]

[bright music]

Uh, should we find somewhere else to take this?


[all laughing]

I felt like there was a warm, glowing f*re inside of me. I was ready to move forward, full of hope and excitement and, yeah, some fear and anxiety too. I had a great family, wonderful friends, and a soul mate. Even if Matty and I were going off in different directions, the one thing that I knew for sure was that in some way we would always be together.

♪ There's all this love if you need it ♪

And this made me feel safer as I stepped back out into the great unknown that was my future.

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