01x00 - Pilot

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Interestings". Aired June 17, 2016.
"The Interestings" revolves around a group of friends who meet at an arts camp as teenagers, and follows them through the decades while long-held secrets, failure, and jealousy thr*at their bond.
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01x00 - Pilot

Post by bunniefuu »


[folk on stereo]

♪ I learned the truth at seventeen ♪
♪ That love was meant ♪

[females arguing]

Turn it off!

What are you, the f*cking music czar?

Okay, language, Ellen!

Please, this song can not be playing when we drive up.

What is wrong with it?

Ellen, I'm begging you. It's like announcing you're a loser.

Oh, great. Then you'll fit right in with the other weirdos.

I don't get what you're doing at this creative arts camp anyway.

Aren't you supposed to have some sort of talent?

I thought she was a hoot in "Bye, Bye, Birdie."

She played the mayor's wife. She had no lines.

All she had to do was faint and spread her legs.

I thought she was very inventive.

Please! The only reason Miss Liebman recommended her for this stupid scholarship is 'cause she felt sorry for her that Daddy died.

Hey! f*ck you, Ellen!

At least I'm not working at Carvel, hanging out at the mall, and stealing lip gloss.

Enough, both of you! Put that down!

Turn it off, Ellen. Enough!

Your sister is trying something new.

Besides, after the year we've had, someone in this family should have a little fun.

Welcome, campers. If you haven't checked in yet.

Please report to the dining room.



What a freak show.

You can still sign up for tonight's talent show.

Sign-ups are in the dance studio, and each performer is limited to 10 minutes.

Ooh, check out Paddington Bear at 10:00.

There's your hot summer romance.

Shut up.


Help your sister schlep the duffel bag up to her wigwam.

Teepee, and I don't need any help.

Maybe you can ask that strong boy over there to help you.

Oh, yeah, Julie, why don't you go over and ask that strong boy?

Hi. Need a hand?

No, thanks. I can do it.



My name's Ethan Figman.

If you need anything, I'm at your service.

Listen, Mom, it's five hours to Underhill, and you'll have to stop for lunch.

She wants us to go, Mom.


Have fun.


I love you.

I love you too, Mom.

First time away from home.

You'll adjust. It just takes time.


I got this.


[door closes]

[engine starts]

♪ Don't you feel it growin' ♪
♪ Day by day ♪
♪ People gettin' ready for the news ♪
♪ Some are happy ♪
♪ Some are sad ♪
♪ Oh, we got to let the music play ♪

You think Goodman Wolf would let me sculpt him?

I mean, naked?

This guy on the swim team said his dick is so big they nicknamed it Excalibur.

You know, like Sword and the Stone?

Thank you, Sandy, now I will never be able to listen to Camelot without imagining King Arthur pulling his penis out of a rock.

It's not like they think they're better than everyone.

They just sort of are, you know?

You make them sound like they're royalty or something.

Well, they are, sort of.

Everybody comes here with big dreams, thinking they've got some great talent, until Ash Wolf blows them away onstage, or they hear one of Jonah Dey's songs, which are twice as good as his mother's.

Corinna Dey is his mother?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

He's gonna be twice as huge.

And Cathy Kiplinger?

She's been dancing since she was three.

Deep down, everyone knows those guys are the only ones that are really gonna do it.

And not just as a hobby or for a summer, but for life.

Hmm, what smells so nice?

Um, it's Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific.

Too bad it looks like a Brillo pad.

Oh, come on.

It's perfect for removing rust, stripping paint, scouring pots.

You're funny.

It's the hair.

I get it from a clown.

I'm Ash Wolf.

Oh, I know.

I mean, I'm Julie Jacobson.

I know.

You do?

We're in the same improv class.

You were hysterical in that elevator exercise.

When you fainted, and your legs spread wide open.

I nearly peed myself laughing.


It just came to me.

Listen, if you're not doing anything later, a few of us are getting together, and maybe you'd like to join us.

Um... Yeah.

Sure. Cool.


After lights out, my brother's tent, Teepee 3.

It's the one that reeks of weed.

See you there.


I'm not even that stoned yet.

Goodman, leave it alone.

"The Tin Drum" is a literary masterpiece.

"House of Incest" is female p*rn!

It's feminist surrealism!

Where did you hear that? From your fancy English teacher with the Harvard PhD?

Günter Grass is basically God.

I think Anaïs Nin is God.

Anaïs Nin?


She's so full of pretentious girly shit.

She's literally one of the worst writers to ever live.

Anaïs Nin and Günter Grass both have umlauts.

Maybe that's the key to their success.

I'm thinking of getting one for myself.

Increase the velocity, the natives are restless.

Voila. Cannabis Perfectus.

What are you doing reading Anaïs Nin anyway, Goodman?

Um, Ash made me.


And I do everything that my sister tells me.

Maybe Ash is God.

Ash... Ash is definitely not God.

All right, she's way too much of a perfectionist.

She'd never let a mistake like Dick Nixon go unchecked.

Boy: I wish.

The thing is, he's just such a bad actor. He's so obvious.

Why don't people see when they're being lied to?

Because they don't wanna see.

Just look at My Lai.

You sound like your mother.

f*ck you, Goodman.


At least Corinna uses her music to tell the truth to the world.

That's what art is for.


That's what "Spirit in the Woods" is all about, using your talent to tell the truth to the world.

Gosh, Ash, maybe you are God.

No, don't!

Maybe you are God, Ash.


You're not ticklish anymore?


I don't know.

I just dance because I love it.

I've never really wanted to do anything else... except I'm probably f*cked because of these sacks of mail.

I doubt your bodacious ta-tas are gonna stand in your way.

It's not funny, Goodman.

How many ballerinas do you know with big tits?

Hey, calm down.

What am I supposed to do?


No, nothing should stand in our way.

We should try to do whatever we want to in life.

What is the point otherwise?

All right.

So, Jonah, have you given any thought to a future career?



There's a girl in our cousin's school in Pennsylvania named Crema Semens.


You made that up.

No, she didn't.

Ash never lies. It's one of the most irritating things about her.

Crema Semens?


It's like... it's, like, a soup made from various strains of semen.

A medley of semen.

Ew, Ethan, you're being totally graphic.

Well, he is a graphic artist.

Hey, show her some Planet Figman.

This is Wally Figman and his horrible parents before his mother runs off with his pediatrician.

Any similarities between Wally's life and my own are purely intentional.


The world according to Ethan Figman.

Can I see?

[blues guitar]

Which one's that?

I haven't seen that one.

I think we should all observe a moment of silence for Crema Semens.

Well, the girl from Long Island speaks.


You're being elitist.

Jacobson knows that I'm kidding. Right, Long Island?

Oh, Crema Semens!

Wherever thou art!

Your life will be tragic.

It will be cut short in an accident involving animal de-semenizing equipment.


See? I told you there was a reason I brought her in.

Desemenizing! Go, Jules!

Go, Jules!

Here you go, Jules. You have definitely earned another toke.

Every year we sit here just like this.

Maybe we should name ourselves something.

Why? So everyone will know how just how unbelievably interesting we are?

The Interestings.


That works!

From this day forward, because we are clearly the most interesting people whoever f*cking lived.

f*ck, yes.

Because our lives are so compelling.

Because our brains are so swollen with intellectual thoughts.

Let us henceforth be known as the Interestings!

Let everyone who sees us be blinded by our brilliant and scintillating lives.

[overlapping chatter]

Come on.

Oh, thank you.

Toast to the Interestings!

To our scintillating lives!


You sure you don't wanna come? I can still get the sitter.

It'll be good to get out, you know?

Get some air, see people.

I see people everyday in the park with Rorie.

I'm on a first-name basis with every nanny and alcoholic mom on the Upper West Side.

Everyone's gonna be asking for you.

Jules, I've got the interview tomorrow.

I just want to veg.

Veging's good. Wish I could veg.

Probably gonna be a snooze fest anyway.

You know how Ethan goes on at these things.

You look nice.

Can you see it's ripped in the shoulder?

No, not at all.

Thank God for safety pins.

Say hi to the g*ng for me.

Tell them we'll have dinner soon. I'll cook.

Hey, listen. Be good and do everything your daddy says.

Okay? I'll be home when you wake up.

You forgot to kiss Daddy.

Pucker up, Daddy.

I love you.

Don't obsess, hmm?

I love you, too.

♪ Take a straight and stronger course ♪
♪ To the corner of your life ♪
♪ Make the white queen run so fast ♪


I mean, Ethan is a great guy, I know.

He is incredibly smart.

And totally honest.

So is Winnie the Pooh, but I wouldn't f*ck him.

You're horrible.

I'm serious.


Look, it's nothing personal. It's just the truth.

People are attracted to their own levels of attractiveness.

Like me and your brother, and you and Jonah.

I mean, Ethan will probably end up with someone incredibly brilliant and badly disfigured.


She's horrible.

Seriously, you wouldn't go out with him if he asked you?

I don't know. I don't think so.

Would you?

Ash and Ethan?


I mean that's like Beauty and the Beast.

I don't know.

I can't imagine myself with anyone other than Jonah.

Yeah. Okay.

We're just so right for each other, you know?

Jesus, Jonah, get a room.

Guess who finally agreed to move in with me?


Me. It's me.

Really? Oh, my God!

It's about time.

Some things can't be rushed.

I admire your perseverance.

If he had let you go, we were all ready to have an intervention again.

You've got such fabulous friends.

God bless that f*g camp you went to.


Congratulations to the winners of our silent auction, especially the new owner of...

[crowd groaning]

The Wally Figman punching bag!


Certain to save you thousands in therapy bills.

But if you leave here with nothing but our gratitude, just know that what you're doing tonight is making a real difference.

If you don't believe me, ask the true conscience of the Figman Foundation, my beautiful wife, Ash Wolf.


Ash has seen firsthand what Doctors Without Borders...

I can't believe you guys were a thing.

It was never that sexual.

We were more like...


I was gonna say lesbians.

[stifled laughter]

Lastly, I'd love to thank the g*ng at Figland for their generous support.


Pardon, good sirs, the Queen of Figlandia beckons.

I shall return anon.

So, yeah, make sure to eat the food.

I can personally recommend the tiramisu.

Wow. This one's new.

"If only I were President of Figland.

With respect, Bill."

Oh, I can't believe I missed that weekend because Rorie had that 104 fever.

I should have just sold her to gypsies and come anyway.

I have to go to Iceland.

Goodman's in trouble.

What's going on?

He's f*cked up, Jules.

He's got no money. For all I know, he's living on the streets.

He sounded confused.

I think he's using again.

Your parents gonna go?

They can't.

The doctor says my mom can't travel, and my dad doesn't want to leave her, so...

He's still making a mess of his life and ours.

I'm so sorry, Ash.

She's desperate to see him.

It's so sad.

I told Ethan I had to go to Bali to research these masks for a production of "Midsummer."

You told him you're going to Indonesia to get masks for a play set in Greece that you're doing in Lower Manhattan?

I know. I told him it was part of my concept.

I feel badly than I'm missing this Museum of Broadcasting thing they're doing in his honor, and I told him I'd see if you could go in my place.

I hate this. I really do.


I do.

Just f*cking tell him already.

I can't do that. You know I can't.

He'd be devastated.

You should have told him before you got married, or I should have.

We couldn't take the chance. You know how he is.

He's never really believed Goodman was innocent.

It's fine. I'll go.

What's one more lie amongst friends, right?

Was I that boring?


No, if I had any money to spare, I would have stayed until the hat was passed, but alas, I hate passing up a passed hat.

I forgive you.

You get a pass for passing up the passed hat as long as it's in the past.

I really hate it when you guys do this.


I know.

That's what makes it so much fun.

I wish she'd let me auction her off.

What? there are so many things wrong with that sentence.

Strictly look but don't touch. Just dinner and drinks with the most beautiful woman in Manhattan.

We'd make a k*lling.

We'd never have to throw one of these awful things again.

What do you say? Take one for the team.

Where's Dennis? I thought he was coming.

Oh, Rorie has a cold, but he sends his love.

Guess what? Jules can go to the Museum of Broadcasting with you.

Really? That's fantastic.

Oh, it will be just like old times.

Just the two of us.

Yeah, and afterwards, we can go to that restaurant that Robert De Niro keeps talking about.

No fair!

That's what you get for having the gall to choose your career over mine.

I mean, who goes to Indonesia to get masks for a Greek play she's doing in the Village?

It's a concept, right?

Well, we better get back out there while there are still pockets to be picked.

Ah, yes. These things are gonna k*ll me.

But that's what I get for marrying a saint.

What would I do without you?

Man: The law is very clear.

Anyone who hinders or delays The discovery of Goodman Wolf's whereabouts is guilty of harboring a fugitive.

Detective, if we knew where my son was, we would insist he turn himself in.

Good. 'Cause it doesn't get any better for him.

Fugitive warrants don't expire ever.

Until he comes back to stand trial, he will be considered a wanted criminal.

Listen, did it ever occur to you that we are missing our son?

We've lost our son. We don't know if he's alive.


Please try to find a little compassion.

I'm sorry, Mr. Wolf. I can see you're a close family, which is probably why I think you will hear from Goodman soon, if you haven't already.

But just bear in mind that when you do, you are legally required to contact us.

And if you don't, you will go to jail.

[door closes]

God, they're like the Gestapo.

Instead of barging into your home and intimidating you, they should be out there trying to find Goodman.

We can handle this, Jules. Thanks.

No, we can't.


I can't.

You have Mom to talk to, but who do I have?

This is a family matter.

Jules is family. We can trust her.

Ash, please.

We've been in touch with Goodman and we know where he is.

Jesus Christ, Ash! I hope your happy!

'Cause now our lives are in the hands of a 16-year-old!

No, I'll be careful, Mr. Wolf, I promise.

You didn't tell Ethan?

No, I couldn't. I mean, you know how he is.

He'd probably think he had to report it or something.

No, you're the only one.

And nothing leaves this room until we can prove Goodman's innocence.

So what do you think?

It's fantastic.

Not too much?

I'd hire you.

Or at least sleep with you.

You don't think I'm too overdressed? Maybe I should just wear jeans.


I think you look really nice, very professional.

I got a good feeling about this, Jules. I really do.

Me, too. You're gonna be great.

Too many things about it are just so right, you know?

I do.

The clinic's on the west side.

I'm great with sonographic scanners.

And the fact that they're looking for someone who's had experience with obstetric and gynecologic ultrasounds.

They would be lucky to have you, Dennis, really.

Nothing to be nervous about.

I'm not.

Good, 'cause you shouldn't be.

Keep breathing and be yourself. You look great, Den.

You really do.

I'm gonna nail this f*ck.

You said the "F" word.

All right.

Don't have to be a wisenheimer.

Go give your daddy a kiss. Wish him good luck.



♪ Baby, we can do it ♪
♪ Take the time, do it right ♪
♪ We can do it, baby ♪
♪ Do it tonight ♪
♪ Baby, we can do it ♪
♪ Take the time, do it right ♪
♪ We can do it, baby ♪
♪ Do it tonight ♪

[panting, moaning]

Is it me, or is sex, like, so much better than when we were in college?

I'm not sure. Maybe we should try it again and confirm your hypothesis.

[both laughing]


No, you're amazing. You have some serious skills.

But there are other factors to consider, you know?

Okay, like what?

Well, look at us.

I'm looking.

[both chuckle]

I mean, our bodies, they may not be perfect, perfect, but they're probably more perfect than they'll ever be for the rest of our lives, you know?

Okay. That's really depressing, Jules.

Yeah, but it's true, right?

And we're not all insecure and fumbling around, like when we were in college, you know?

Well, you know, I've been practicing a lot since graduation, Of course, most of it's been by myself.

[both laugh]

But you know what they say about practice.

I can't. I have to go.

I'm gonna be late for work again.

So when am I gonna see you again?

Um, I don't know.

I have to figure out what my work schedule is and prepare this thing for acting class.

I bet you're a great actress.

I really admire you, Jules, you know?

Going after your dream, working your butt off.

Well, you're doing the same thing, right?

I mean, you're not gonna be a lab tech for the rest of your life, right?

I don't know. The work's pretty cool, and the hours are great, you know?

I get to spend time with my friends and play ball with some of the guys from work.

I think I actually really lucked out.

I think that's great that you're so content.

I mean, if a lab tech is what you wanna be...

Is not what I wanna be, it's just what I'm doing.

For now. It's my job.

Maybe one day I'll wanna do something else, but for the moment, it really makes me happy, you know?

We can't all be Hackneys.


That guy who's exhibit we went to who paints all those swimming pools.

Hockney. David Hockney.

Right. We can't all be Hockneys.

Or Jacobsons. Some of us have other gifts.

Stop it.

It's your fault.

You and your perfect body. Hey, come by the park tomorrow.

We got a game in the late afternoon.

I don't know. I'll try.

Well, we will be thinking of you.

So when are we going to meet him?

What's wrong with him? Is he married?


Is he deformed?



He's Republican.



He's a... a f*ck buddy. Okay?

I'm sorry to be so crude, but that's all he is.

Nobody cares, Jules.

It's just you've been seeing him for, like, three months, which surpasses the official f*ck buddy time limit.

What are you talking about?

It's impossible to allow someone access to your vagina for three consecutive months and not develop some feelings for them.

Okay, no more Dr. Ruth for you.

Look, he's a very nice guy, but we have zero in common.

And he's a lab technician, okay?

He's the guy who squirts jelly on your belly and takes X-rays.

He's not exactly Proust, if you know what I mean.

I've never read Proust.

Me, either.

Okay, neither have I, but the point is we could.

So he's blind?

Don't be ridiculous.


He's part of your life, Jules, for however long.

Since when do we keep secrets from each other?

Bring him to dinner next week when we celebrate Ethan's first paycheck.

Yeah, I've never met a bona fide f*ck buddy before, so...

Look, I know I sound like a big fat snob, but I just think I can do better, okay?

I mean, I want to be with somebody who wants to do something important with his life, right?

I'm playing a mermaid for one week outside the New York Aquarium.

You are being paid to act.

And you just got a job on a network television show.

It's an animated piece of shit, Jules. Have you seen it?

The point is you're going somewhere, and so am I.

Not getting there as fast as you two, clearly, but I'm aspiring, and frankly, I don't want to be with somebody who isn't.

I mean, we're artists, right?

Man: What about your tits?

Your nipples.

Uh... you do know where your nipples are, don't you?

Do not look at Miss Wolf.

She can't help you.

You're the one in the shower.

Now take the soap and wash your assh*le.

Your p*ssy.

Oh, excuse me. Your vagina.


You know, I hope that you really do wash your private parts on occasion.


You think that's funny?

Do you?

I don't. I think it's sad.

You want to be actors?

Why? To become stars?

Or to hold a mirror up to nature, to show what it means to be human?

That's what this exercise is about: to be willing to be brave enough to be private in public, to risk revealing your own humanity.

The audience pays you to show them who they really are inside because they're too busy or they're too frightened to look.

But if you walk on that stage looking for approval, you're cheating them.

You're not acting.

You're begging.

You, Ms. Jacobson, are a beggar.

You don't want to be seen.

You just want to be liked.

You're an approval junkie.

To me, that is sad.

Jules: You're an approval junkie.

You care too much what others think of you.

We know this.

It's what you think that matters.

You need to find your voice and listen to it.
I'm leaving you.

I'm sorry.

I don't think talk therapy is that effective...

For me, anyway.

Uh, I... I think it's time for me to try something else.

Well, I think it's... interesting that you want to leave just as we're starting to understand the underlying issues.

What's the point of understanding why you're miserable if you're still miserable?

It's like the booby prize.

I disagree, Shauna.

I have seen tangible behavioral improvement in you.

You've been so much more confident and more optimistic.


I'm taking Prozac.

My doctor prescribed it for me.


I wish you'd told me.

You obviously feel it's helping?

Well, if I wasn't taking it, I don't think I'd have the courage to leave you.

Can I help you?

Uh, sure.

Is this good?

Good for what?

Uh, my husband. New job.

Is it paying six figures?


Good enough.

Julie Jacobson.

You don't recognize me.

Maybe if I was mixing a couple vodka Tangs.

Oh, my God. Cathy?

I didn't even...


You look great.

Thank you.

I guess I'm just blessed with good genes.

Oh, I trimmed those mail bags down when I was dancing with Paul Taylor's company.

Didn't make the big difference I was hoping for, though.

I'm in finance now, but I don't miss them.

Although he might. My big tits.



This is Julie Jacobson.


We were at camp together.

She was part of that group.


So you and Ash are still best buds?

Uh, I don't know about that, but we do speak occasionally.

According to Ethan, it's more than just occasionally.

He calls me every now and then.

It's been a few years, but at least one of you had the decency to care.

It's a complicated time, Cathy.


But then it must be very hard to see clearly with your lips glued to Ash's ass.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

No, you're not.

You don't give a shit how I feel.

So no one's ever heard from Goodman?

I don't think so, no.

Amazing, huh?

He just disappeared.

No body found. Never contacted anyone, not even his nearest and dearest.

I guess not.

Well, it doesn't mean he won't, does it?

I know you were all goo-goo over him, so maybe he'll come back and carry you off into the sunset, or maybe he'll just f*ck up your life like he did mine.

You ready, hon?

Yeah, yeah.

Let's get out of here.

We're, uh, celebrating my big promotion.

Senior VP at Kanter-Fitzgerald.

Just crashing through the proverbial glass ceiling.

That's right.

Well... your life doesn't look that f*cked up to me.

You never did understand.

Did you?


Your parents leave?

Hour ago.

Right after Ash's big show.

So what are you doing here?

f*ck if I know.

They should f*cking outlaw visiting weekend.


Except your parents seem so, you know...


Intelligent? Cosmo-f*cking-politan?

I showed them my urban planning project.

My mother smiled, sort of confused, and said it was very nice.

My father asked me if I figured out a way to keep the buildings from collapsing.

Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it like...

Oh, he meant it.

Great expectations suck.

Let me tell you.


It's hard to live up to them unless you're Ash.

You'll have the last laugh, you know.

You're going to be another Frank Lloyd Wright.

There's not a doubt in my mind.

You're funny, Jacobson.

And you made it to the inner circle.

Not many people do that.

Good for you.

Cathy: Goodman?

Goodman, where the f*ck are you?

Keep your tits on.

I'm giving Jacobson here a pep talk.

This never happened.

Cathy: What did she need a pep talk for?


Where's Rorie?

Downstairs with Sophie. They're having Chinese.

I guess it didn't go so well?

It was a f*cking disaster.

What happened?

She asked me why I left my last job and what I'd been doing in the interim.

You knew that would probably come up.

You were prepared.

It was the first thing that came up.

The only thing that came up.

She takes one look at my résumé, and she notices the huge gap in my employment record.

How could she not?

And she asked me why I left Medfair and what I'd been doing.

I told her that I left because I wanted to take some time off to be with my daughter while my wife worked.

And she asked me who my boss was when I was there.

"Was it Karen Wallace?" she asked.

Whom she knows very well, she said.

Basically letting me know that she would call Karen and find out what happened, so I might as well just tell her, which I then proceeded to do.

I told her about what happened, the reason I was fired.

You should have seen her face.

What did she say?

She said...

"Thank you for coming in and for being so honest."

Well, I think it's great that you went in.

I do.

I mean, you got back out there, which is a huge accomplishment.

I think you should feel good about that.

Is that how you talk to your patients?

Like they're f*cking 12 years old?

It's like I'm some disabled child that you're helping to get through the day.

That's not how I feel.

Well, that is how it sounds.

Oh, God.

I f*cking hate it.

I never should have married you.

You should have trusted your instincts.


May I have another?

Behold the bounty that selling out hath wrought.

560 big ones.

We're rich!


Hey, hey, hey, hey.

And all it took was selling my soul.

Really? Where do I sign up to sell mine?

To the sweet smell of success.

May we all reek of it soon.




Slow down, Jules. It's going to be fine.

I never should have invited him.

Seriously, it was a mistake.

I know.

Hey, hey. Relax.

All right? We're not going to eat him alive.

It just sends the wrong message.

It's not fair to him, either.

Oh, God, he's here.

Oh, shit, I knew he'd wear that.


Hey, you made it.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

I was, like, glued to the TV.

Ewing just hit a buzzer beater.

Put the Lakers away. Ha ha!

That's another 20-point game.

Even if the Knicks finish fifth, there is no way this man is not Rookie of the Year.

Ethan: It's not the champagne you get drunk on.

It's the friends you get drunk with.



Hear, hear!



I can't believe you guys have all stayed friends for so long. I mean, I went to Boy Scout Camp.

I can't remember a single name.

Then again, no one at Camp Nayaki exactly stood out.

Except maybe this one kid...


Who could burp for ten straight minutes without barfing.


Ten straight minutes?

And you forgot his name?

How the great are soon forgotten.

Chris g*n. That was his name.

Like that guy you're always bugging me to read:

"g*n" Grass.

Oh, forget about it, Dennis, unless you're Jonesing for a 600-page book about a German child with an unhealthy attachment to a toy drum and a voice that can shatter glass.

Wow. Ha ha.

I guess I'll miss it.


Unless Ethan makes it into an animated movie.

So, Dennis, Jules says you are an ultrasound technician.

Yes, I am.

That sounds pretty cool.

How'd you get into that?

I just sort of fell into it, actually.

After college, I didn't really know what I wanted to do.

I saw this ad on the subway about becoming a lab technician.

Seemed like something I could be good at.


You make it sound like you just flipped a coin, Dennis.

You must have given it a little more thought than that.

Not really.

Do you like it?

I do, actually. Yes.

The other techies are great.

We got our own basketball team.

The doctors are cool.

Also, it's in Chinatown.

It's surrounded by all these amazing vendors.

I like to cook, so sometimes on my way home I pick up these really... bizarre ingredients like... star anise or, like, these twisted roots that look like wizard's hands.


How's your job, Jonah?

When are you going to give that all up and go back in the family business?

His mother's Corinna Dey.

Oh. Right. Jules was telling me about what an amazing musician you are.

I would love to hear you play some time.

Yeah. Well, I guess she forgot to mention that was in a former life.

Yeah, actually, I design tech innovations for the disabled.

I just can't understand how you could walk away from so much talent.

Your music was such a part of you.

A part.

Not the only part.

You could have been a huge star.

Really, you should have heard him.

Dennis: There's more to life than being famous.

At least I hope so, or the rest of us are screwed.

Besides, I don't think recognition has that much to do with happiness.

Like we say at the clinic, it's what's inside that counts.

Words of wisdom from the ultrasound technician.

Excuse me. I have to use the restroom.

That was funnier in my head.

He's great, Jules.

You're an assh*le, but he is great.


Some fancy moves.

Thank you.

[basketball players shouting]

You didn't return any of my phone calls.

My friends really liked you.

At this point, it's safe to say they like you a lot more than they do me.

I'm so sorry, Dennis.

I was awful to you at dinner.

I don't even know what came over me.

I just...

I do.

I'm not the right guy for you, Jules.

You want this... big life.

And you deserve it, and you deserve the right guy to go along with it.

And that guy just isn't me.


Let me finish, Jules.

I'm regular.

You know?

And you're...



Big dreams.

I'm just an ordinary guy, Jules.

I'm never going to read Günter Grass.

I looked it up.

I can't offer you this extraordinary life, just a real one.

But... I don't know if that's going to be enough for you.

I don't think that life with me is the life that you want.

I don't think you should settle.

You know what I really want, Dennis?

I want to be like you.

I do.

I want to be able to walk into a room full of strangers and just be okay with myself, to feel like who I am is good enough.

The thing is the only time I've ever felt like that is when I'm with you.

So to me, real is looking pretty extraordinary right now.


It's the "Hoya Destroya."

I feel like anyone who leads Georgetown to three final fours deserves to be immortalized in plastic.

You're not the only one with an encyclopedia.

You look like a famous actress, Mommy.


Well, thank God I'm not because they're all miserable and unhappy.

Money does not buy you happiness.

Remember that.

All right, go wash up for supper, huh?


You look amazing.

That's quite some dress.


I got it at Alice's Underground.

It was practically brand-new.


I figured if I was going to go to this thing, I might as well get in the spirit.

Ash owes me big time.

This is...

I can't believe she still hasn't told Ethan about her brother.

That they've lived with this gigantic lie between them all this time.

It's shocking.

We may have our problems, but at least what we have isn't built on lies.

I'm going to get better, Jules.

I know.

You'll figure it out.

Prozac isn't for everyone.

I don't want to lose you.

[intercom buzzes]



Ethan: Your date has arrived.

I'll be right down.

A limo. Wow.

Beats the subway.

Oh, they're perks he's given.

I don't think he really cares about them that much.


Have fun.

Of course I know how much you'd rather stay home and play "Legend of the Sword and the Fairy."

I would, actually.

I'm not really looking that forward to a bunch of bloated, self-important people congratulating themselves on how rich and successful they are.

You could have said no.

I should go. He's waiting.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'll tell you all about it in the morning.

Mm. Sorry.

Your chariot awaits, my lady.

Wow. I mean, look at you.

You look like a fairy princess.

[cartoon music]


Oh, my God. Ethan, this is amazing.

This could be in a movie theater or on TV right now.

Seriously, Ethan, it's brilliant.

It's just so smart and original, you know?


See, I knew...

I knew you'd get it, that we...

That we shared a certain sensibility and that you might like it.


I love it.


What do you know?

Jules Jacobson loves it.

Mm-mm. Uh, what... What are you doing?

I'm s... I'm sorry. I... I... I just...

No. It was my fault.


Forget it, really.

I... I...

It's fine.

I feel terrible.

No, no, no, no. You've nothing to feel terrible about, Jules.

[door opens]

It's not a big deal.

[door closes]

Look, look, seriously, I don't want this to come between us.

People have been rejected by other people since the dawn of time.


We're just riding the wave of history.

I've never rejected anyone before in my life, although I've never accepted anyone before, either.

What I mean is it's never come up.

Well, maybe the reason that you don't want to do this with me isn't even because of me.

What do you mean?

Well, you say that you haven't accepted or rejected anyone before, right?

So you are 100% inexperienced.

Maybe you're just nervous.

Your nervousness could be masking your real feelings.

Uh, maybe.

It happens to girls sometimes.

I... I have a proposition for you.

Just reconsider.

Spend some more time with me and see what happens.

All right.

Sure. Why not?


To be continued.

Older Ethan: You look sensational, Jules, really.

It's hard not to in Valentino.

I can't even imagine what this thing costs.

Oh, come on. Ash was adamant, and she picked it out before she left for Bali.

Well, it's very sweet, both of you.

Here. Come on. Tradition.


For special nights.

You've won about a million awards.

What's special about this one?

Because tonight I'm spending it with my oldest, dearest friend.

No kids, no spouses.

Just the two of us, like old times.

To us.

Two old friends sharing our lives together.

[glasses clink]




I don't think Dennis and I are going to make it.

This is a final boarding call for Flight...


Mom and Dad must have paid a fortune for this.

Will you keep your voice down?

It's really good.

How did they even know where to go?

Dad invested something for someone once.

I don't know. He was owed a favor.

"Raymond Price." I like the name.

It suits me, kind of.

Can we not talk about this right now?

Hey, chill out, Ash.

You're acting like a f*cking criminal.

I am a f*cking criminal.

You're not the only one who'll go to jail if we're caught. You realize that, right, Goodman?

I'm touched, Ash, really.

It's f*cking noble of you.

And it's Raymond.

I'm doing this for Mom.

You're all she talks about, couldn't bear the idea that she wouldn't see you before she left.

How long did they say?

How about Jacobson?

She know about me being back?

No. She doesn't. Neither does Ethan.

And you're not going to be here long enough for either of them to find out.


You still haven't told him about me?

That is f*cking impressive, Ash.



Business or pleasure, Mr. Price?

Sorry, what?

Your trip.

Was it business or pleasure?

Uh, pleasure. Yeah.

Always wanted to see Iceland.

Welcome home, Mr. Price.


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