01x06 - Angel Probation

[bunniefuu]

Hey! Mind if I come in?

House or bedroom? 'Cause you've already done both.

So what you doing, huh?

Oh, sadly reminiscing about the ex-boyfriend?

No.

I'm just finally boxing up his stuff.

Scarf and beanie collection.

Journals. Drawing charcoals?

What? Are you sending a care package to a lesbian art student in Vermont?

I know, right?

You don't miss him, do you?

Evan? God, no. He was the worst boyfriend ever.

Good, 'cause you needed to break up with him.

But I got to tell you, ever since, you've been into hermit mode.

Not true.

I've been hanging out with you and Dad and Brad.

Okay, that is a little tragic. I need to make some plans.

Or make new friends.

At a game night.

Why do I have a dark sense of foreboding?

Because it's happening.

Come on in, you guys.

Um...

Okay, so this is Pam.

She's a disgraced pharmacist and a delightful person.

This is Troy of Helena, Montana, and you already know School Bus.

I do not.

This is School Bus.

You have a lovely home.

You've struck a perfect balance between clean lines and whimsy.

Not easy to do.

Let's take this party to the living room, shall we?

Because Troy's already rummaging.

It's a finely-woven merino.

Thank you.

The name of the game is Celebrity.

Famous people only.

Okay, this person... hangs out at the drugstore parking lot all the time.

Uh, Lisa, the Human Beatbox.

Correct.

This person did community service with Pam.

The Other Johnny!

Boom! It was The Other Johnny.

I know that because I was there.

Nice.

Are you having fun?

Yeah, none of the people in the bowl are famous.

Well, you're up next, but, listen, don't worry.

I'll use my angel powers, and we'll crush it.

Okay.

Time! All right, Allison's turn. (whoops)

Allison: Okay.

Okay. And... go.

This is a pretty common name?

Chris Smith, DDS to the streets.

Yes, that's right.

Solid clue.

Okay, this is a part of the...

Pinky Toenail! He's a religious rapper.

His beats turn water into wine.

That was fast. God.

Troy: Yeah.

Oh, this is an actual celebrity.

Joe-Keen Phoenix.

Yes! Wow, um...

Wow.

But it's actually pronounced “Joaquin.”

I've only ever read it.

Time!

(whooping) Allison, nice!

Good round.

Well, well, well.

We crushed it, and, Pam...

I do believe you owe me your hair.

Well, a bet's a bet.

(laughs)

Everybody, how about this?

Victory wig! (whooping)

Looking good, girl.

All right, everybody, round two.

Oh, well, you know, I think I'm done.

What?! We're having so much fun.

Yeah.

I'm wearing Pam's hair.

I can see that.

Well, thank you for an enchanting evening.

Oh, you are very welcome... School Bus.

Uh, what's the deal with this bowl?

Is it, like...? Like, are you keeping it?

It's a crystal bowl. I'm keeping it.

Everybody out.

Sure, let's take this to the guesthouse.

For security reasons.

All right, party in the guesthouse, everybody.

Easy there, Bradzilla.

Don't love when you call me that.

Look what I just got.

Whoa. Is that the Phantom 2?

It is. That's a top-notch drone, Dad.

Right?

You always have the best toys, man.

As you should. You know, you deserve it.

You've built this successful practice.

Why are you in sales mode?

But what is the true measure of success?

Okay, I guess we're doing this.

I define it as someone looking out for their friends.

Speaking of which, your buddy, Steve McGuire, is trying to sell his house, and I want to become his listing agent.

Now, I see this as an opportunity for a win-win-win-win-win.

Seems like one too many wins.

I'd rather stay out of it if you don't...

Siri, I have a will to bend.

Here's what I found for wildebeests. Traveling in packs.

Wait, wait, wait. I didn't know they traveled in packs.

They do. They also pounce on opportunities and define success as looking out for their friends.

Ah, man. I'll send Steve an e-mail.

Yes! Call might feel more personal, but I'll leave that up to you.

Thanks, Dad.

Got him with the hard sell.

(beep)

Siri, tell me everything you know about wildebeests.

Traveling in packs, this mammal performs an annual...

(traffic signal chirping)

(laughing): Oh, hey, Mr. Gibbs.

Of course I have time for my supervisor.

What's up, man?

What? I'm on angel probation?

Well, wait, wait, wait, slow down.

You suspended my powers because I cheated at game night?

Oh, come on.

So I read my human's mind to let her win at Celebrity.

Big deal. And don't you have better things to do?

I mean, isn't there a giant refugee crisis everywhere?

What do I have to do to get my powers restored?

(chirping)

Ten good deeds?

Isn't that a tad excessive?

(chirping) No, I don't want 11.

I'll take the ten.

(whirring)

What's happening?

I've been put on angel probation.

The probation part makes a lot of sense.

I'm offline from the angel cloud, which is the information source I use to protect you.

I have no premonitions, no powers.

In fact... (whirring)

I'm as stupid as a human.

Who's drilling books into my wall.

In case of an earthquake.

I don't think a paperback copy of Gone Girl's gonna knock me out.

Well, you obviously haven't gotten to the twist yet.

Listen to me, you need to be extra careful, okay?

Because danger can be anywhere.

(doorbell ringing)

Want to get that?

Are you sure?

(whispers): It might be the bogeyman!

Allison, the bogeyman only goes after children.

(drill whirring)

Hi, Evan.

Hey, Allison.

Just here to get my stuff.

This is way worse than the bogeyman.

At least you can trick him with riddles.

Come on in.

Okay. Well, I'll get your stuff.

Hey, remember me? I'm Amy, the S.O.B. that told Allison you were cheating on her.

Sound like a pretty good friend.

Don't talk to me.

What are you doing here?

Picking up my stuff. Thought that was pretty clear.

Sorry, I'm... I'm a little off today.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

For packaging it all up.

Bye now.

Um... is there any way that we can talk, just, you know, alone for a second?

One Mississippi. Bye now.

Amy, guesthouse.

(clears throat)

Wow. Terrible reflexes.

So, what's up?

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for pretty much being the worst boyfriend in the world.

Okay. Apology noted.

But not accepted.

Oh. Hey, buddy.

Oh, my gosh, who is this?

Oh, that's Prince.

Where did you get him?

Uh, Oliver.

Remember, he, uh, you know, volunteers at that rescue?

Oh, yeah. How is he?

I haven't seen him or Jenny since we broke up.

They're both... they're-they're great.

They're really... they're good.

Bye now.

All right, I should probably go.

Yeah.

All right, Prince, car.

(beeping)

Are you seeing this? This dog is a genius.

Oh, relax. It's just one of those new trunk-opening sensors.

You know, dogs are actually much smarter than human beings.

It's just their fascination with their own butt that's holding them back.

See?

Bogeyman and his wonder dog are gone.

Oh, that was way too close.

I got to start knocking out these good deeds and get back online.

All right, who's hurting for a good deed?

Oh. This man-bun trim should count as two good deeds. One for him and one for the rest of the world.

Dado! Nope, never called you that before.

Didn't quite work. Felt weird.

What's going on?

Well, I wanted to swing by and tell you the good news.

That Steve McGuire hired me as his agent.

Yes, I got your e-card. Felt very personal.

And as a further thank you, I wanted to present you with another opportunity.

And we're back in sales mode.

Sharp as a tack.

Can I borrow your drone for aerial pics of his house?

No. It's brand-new.

Get a selfie stick.

Oh, my God, you think I would break your drone.

And you don't know what a selfie stick is, do you?

Yes, I think you're gonna break my drone.

You're Bradzilla. It's what you do.

Don't love when you call me that.

And is this is because I messed up your toy train set town?

“Messed up.” You burnt West Marvington to the ground.

I was 12, thank you very much.

I'm an adult now, and I fly drones all the time at Brookstone.

And I understand what a lame brag that is.

Please? It would mean a lot to me.

Fine.

Thank you. Really.

I love you, Dad.

Closed it with the sincere pitch.

Huh?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Look, I just want to make sure you're okay.

And to let you know that I am four deeds in, and some amount to get to ten.

I have no math skills without my you-know-whats.

So Evan hasn't dropped by here, has he?

Brad: Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You've been hanging out with Evan?

Marv: I'm sorry.

Did I just hear the name of he-who-will-not-be-named?

Okay, guys, he just came by to pick up his stuff.

It is not a big deal.

Good. Good, 'cause I'd be all up in his face. I'd be like, “Oh, what's up, Evan? How you doing?”

Look at me, falling for jukes.

I'm flying blind here.

What?

What?

Marv: I will lock you away in a castle if you start up again with he-who-will-not-be-named.

Guys, I'm never even gonna see him again.

Good.

Except when I dog-sit his unbelievably adorable dog later today.

Oh! Come on.

Oh! Allison!

Did I mention he is the cutest puppy-wuppy of all time?

She's always been dog obsessed.

It's her Achilles' paw.

Sorry. It was hanging out there like a tomato.

So, what time is Evan coming over to drop off the dog?

4:00.

4:00.

It's 2:00 now, which gives me an incalculable amount of time to do an indeterminate number of deeds.

Fullers, excuse me.

She seems off today.

I mean, she's always off, but today, it's off-off.

(TV plays quietly)

Go home. Be with your family.

Tell 'em you love 'em.

Count it.

Go home. Be with your family.

(sighs) Go home.

Did you know that the human body, with no angel powers, can get drunk on eight drinks?

I'm so hungry.

Just a reminder, the plastic bananas remain plastic.

(barking)

What, dog? I don't understand you without my powers, man.

(doorbell rings)

(barks)

Oh, turkey dogs.

Oh, good call.

I can't eat these.

Angels can't eat other birds.

(groans)

Fly, turkey dogs. Fly!

Where's Prince?

Don't ask me.

Why is the door open?

'Cause I just threw some... Guys, is Prince the kind of dog that if you waved some food in front of his nose and then you just whipped it out the door, that he'd go after it?

Because if so...

Oh, my God. He got out.

Oh, no. He probably didn't get too far.

We'll find him.

No, no, no, no, no.

You guys, wait. You can't go running off with each other like that, not without me, like you're in some kind of a damn rom-com.

I'm coming with you.

Oh. After I buckle my... my old boots.

(sighs)

Now that I'm down here, I think I'm just gonna... rest my head on the... on the kitchen floor.

(groans)

That's like the cool side of the pillow.

Well, thank you, guys, for helping us out.

I feel terrible. I can't believe we didn't find him.

It's almost midnight, Allison.

We put up all the flyers, we put a blast out to all the shelters. I mean, we're doing everything we can.

I even left a trail of dog treats leading back to your house. Uh, you may have an upcoming raccoon problem.

Look, Prince is a smart dog. He's gonna find his way back.

The best thing we can do is just hang here and wait for him to come back.

I don't know, guys.

Okay, let's get your mind off this. Let's make some food, all right?

Everything's gonna be fine. Let's do it.

Let's grub it up.

Feast!

(chuckles) Whoa.

Amy. 24601, ready for cell check.

Hey, everybody.

This is Amy. She's...

This is Amy.

Ah, it's hard to define what we have, isn't it, kid?

Why can't I open up these cabinets?

They're baby-proof.

Well, I guess if we're cooking tonight, I'd better turn the gas back on.

(doorbell rings)

Allison, there's been a terrible accident.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I crashed Dad's drone.

Why would you put it in a doggy-sized body bag?

Huh? No, I crashed it right in these glass doors.

It's all Humpty Dumpty'd. He's gonna k*ll me.

Great Train Fire of '93 all over again.

Allison, be part of the solution.

Okay. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna order a new one online.

Then you're gonna glue that one back together. When the new one comes in, you're gonna swap 'em out, okay? I've got stuff you can use in the closet.

(clears throat)

What's that doing here?

Hey, Brad.

If I weren't in the middle of a serious craft crisis, I would so handle this right now.

Wow. Terrible reflexes.

Jenny: Do you realize this is the second night we were unable to find a little guy named Prince?

You're talking about Bakersfield.

We went all the way up there to see Prince in concert, and the tickets that Oliver got were fake.

But the money I spent was very real.

And you all still owe me.

(laughter)

Seriously. It's been a year.

There was the time we thought we saw Prince in the parking lot, but instead it was just a snazzy old Filipino lady.

I still tell people I saw him.

(laughter)

Such classic, good times. Remember that time you guys found me asleep on the kitchen floor?

(chuckles)

Oh... little pickles.

Guys, I can't stop thinking about the dog.

I know.

Well, maybe this will help.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

I thought that was gonna start a super fun food fight.

But now I realize I just threw meat at your face.

(laughs)

(laughter)

Come with me.

Oh.

First of all, I think I'm fitting in great with your friends.

Secondly, what was up with that Evan arm touch?

I don't know. Am I actually having a good time with Evan?

Am I that idiot girl who actually thinks her jerk ex-boyfriend might have changed?

And am I that idiot friend who thinks you two have crazy chemistry?

Do I miss Evan? Is that even possible?

I don't know. Without my angel powers, I am unable to guide you.

Enough with the fake powers. I need my nice, hard-drinking, bizarrely wise friend to give me some good advice.

Okay. I-I think you should... (exhales)

I'm so sorry. For the first time in my life, I'm confused.

For the first time? What about that time you said you could catch a b*llet?

sh**t me and I'll show you. Actually, wait until I get my angel powers back.

(birds chirping)

(phone buzzing)

(groans)

Go for Amy. Roger that.

Hey, everybody! Get up! Got a hot lead on the dog.

School Bus saw Prince in the cemetery while he was digging up... clues about where to find the dog.

Let's roll!

All right, I just caught a glimpse of him over by the Rodriguez funeral, so I'd start there.

And if you have time, Rudolph Valentino is buried here.

Very powerful experience.

Okay. Let's go find Prince!

Allison, honey, I don't want you to worry.

We're gonna find him. We have a technological advantage.

Brad, get the drone.

Do we use it in a cemetery, though?

That seems disrespectful.

The Rodriguezes just buried their mamacita.

We need it to get a bird's-eye view.

Right, but wouldn't you want a dog's-eye view in this situation? That would be more helpful, right?

I-I could see using a drone if Allison had lost Evan's eagle.

Brad, it's every drone owner's dream to get called in on a rescue mission.

Now, let's get the toy.

Be careful with Evan.

Or go for it. I don't know. I'm adrift.

And here we go!

D... Yeah, let's not... let's not expect too much your first time out, Dad. Up.

I... Up!

Oh...

Did you...

I think it's pretty obvious.

And you thought a half-assed MacGyver job would do the trick?

I... didn't want to disappoint you and pull another Bradzilla.

You already think I'm a screwup.

No, no, no, no, no. A klutz maybe but never a screwup.

Dad, I had to sell you on recommending me to your friend.

That's because it's Steve McGuire. He's an ass, and I was worried about you having to work with him.

Well, he does not know how to take a compliment.

About his daughter.

And he was not super cool about a drone crashing through his glass doors.

(laughs) That sounds like quite the tour de force for Bradzilla.

You're only looking at one side of that nickname.

The other reason I call you Bradzilla is because you don't let anything stand in your way, which is why you're such a good salesman.

So you forgive this dummy for breaking your cool new toy?

Don't even give it another thought.

Let's go find this dog.

Thanks, Dad.

Closed him with the humble pitch.

Hey, mister.

Where you been, huh?

(barks)

Korea?

(barks)

Koreatown. Sorry. I should've let you finish.

(bell rings)

Wait, my powers are back.

Oh! Finding you must be my final good deed.

(bell rings)

Oh, man.

It feels so good. Not being able to talk to dogs made me feel like a crazy person.

Okay. Now that I'm back online, I can see this whole situation with Allison very clearly.

And this is what I need you to do.

♪ ♪

(whistles) Prince!

Oh, we'll find him soon.

Then we can go out and celebrate, huh?

Yeah. What?

No, I meant... “we” as in all of us go out and celebrate.

But... I know I don't really have any place to ask this, but would you maybe someday be interested in, you know, going to grab coffee with an incredibly humbled d-bag?

You know, just to catch up and... get some coffee.

Um...

Woman: Whose car is this?!

I need to know whose car this is!

Um, th-that's mine. Why? What's up?

There is a dog in there!

Locked up! On a warm morning!

(laughs)

Has this place not seen enough death?!

Buddy!

Oh. (gasps)

Buddy!

Prince!

Hi. Yay! Hey, pal.

Oh, you smell like you've been eating trash all night, and I don't even care.

Oh, dude, buddy, you got into my drawing charcoals.

Yeah, but we found him.

Absolutely.

(groans) He got into my uke!

(sighs) Leilani.

That's okay. We'll fix you back up.

Oh, God, I hope not.

Oh, that dog is a hero. If I had to hear “Over the Rainbo”" one more time...

That is so weird. I thought you guys were all into his ukulele.

You seemed to really love it up in Big Bear.

A, we were stoned as statues.

We were totally out of it.

And B, we loved that face you made when he sang in that vaguely Samoan accent.

Vaguely Samoan but completely offensive.

(both laugh)

He got my scarves!

Can I just say? We miss you, Allison.

I miss you guys, too. I just... I don't know. I guess I thought you all, you know, picked Evan in the breakup and that's why we weren't hanging out.

Are you kidding?

No, we just wanted to give you some space.

We were worried that we remind you of him.

Okay. The three of us, going out, very soon.

And he got my Tibetan prayer beads.

Yes. We got Allison back.

(squeals)

(grunts) She's all yours.

Hey.

I was bumbling my way into wondering if you might want to get coff...

No. I'm sorry. That was abrupt.

Uh, no, thank you.

I think I just got confused about who I was missing.

Brad: Yeah. So get in your lame compact SUV and show me some taillights.

You heard him.

Dr. Fuller. Dude.

Yeah, Dad, you got to pull up before you...

None of that went right.

Sorry, Evan.

I swore I'd never say his name.

Take care of yourself, Evan.

(quietly): Good boy.