02x06 - Rock This Bitch Till the Wheels Fall Off

[bunniefuu]

(electric guitar music playing)

I mean, a 13-year-old guitar prodigy, and she's a chick, that's cool, man.

I know. I know.

She... she's a massive Gaga fan.

She saw me in that Gibson ad. She made the connection.

And it's, like, a Make-a-Wish-type thing, right?

Yeah, Dream-a-Music-Dream Foundation.

"Meet your hero." She picked me.

And does she have, like, cancer or something?

No, lupus.

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Well, that explains it.

Explains what?

Well, I mean, if she was a cancer kid, she would meet actual famous people, like...

I don't know... Jeter and, you know, Gaga.

You know what I mean? The A-list.

But you're not on the A-list.

You're on the lupus list, which is fine.

She can't go out in the sun, she can't have candy or ice cream, so yeah, she's basically a shut-in.

And I... Dude, I know, that sucks, but see, if she was, like, a cancer kid, she'd meet Adele.

I bet you Adele's, like, the number one attraction for cancer kids right now.

It's amazing, because only you could turn this into a negative.

(scoffs)

You know who could turn it into a positive?

Who?

Adele.

(...) you.

I'm just thinking about Tenika, pal.

No, you're just jealous.

I'm jealous?

Yeah.

What am I jealous of?

Because you're not on the g*dd*mn lupus list...

Oh.

'Cause I am, assh*le.

Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, yeah.

(women screaming)

What the hell is that about?

What?

Ava got a rave from "The New York Times."

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Awesome.

I know.

Holy sh*t, honey.

Read it.

"The sexy New York rock scene veteran has impressed me with her backup work before, but this time around, she's the star, and, oh, what a star she is."

Oh, my God, honey.

That's awesome.

"Imagine Sharon Stone if she could sing.

Imagine Lana Del Rey with some life experience and even more alluring vixen whisky in her voice."

Oh, my God.

"With outstanding support from the members of The Assassins and the feathery touch of piano player AJ Jenkins, not to mention the ultra-fine licks of the former Lady Gaga tour guitarist Flash..."

Oh, my God! That's so awesome. Hey, pal.

"Ava X is the new name for an accomplished artist just hitting her very promised success."

Yes!

Look at the picture of her.

I know. I know. I know.

You look fantastic, honey. Wow.

And did they... Did they mention The Heathens?

'Cause, no, I mean, he mentioned the backup singers, so I was just wondering if he...

Go (...) The Heathens.

Ava X, baby!

Right, right.

Noah's already got an offer for another weekend night, and Brook wants to throw a party at his place for me to introduce me to some tastemakers, you know, like, press and industry folk.

We got to get you some amazing new outfits.

Totally.

Here's this hairdo I want to do on you.

Oh, yeah.

Huh?

Hot. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Phew.

I love it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's...

Yeah.

Look at this one.

Yes!

Hey, so how do you... How do you think we're gonna do this now?

Do what?

Well, I'm just thinking about, like, you definitely want to pursue this solo career thing.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, so it means we're gonna need more songs, and I'm just wondering what the process is gonna be, 'cause...

So, yes, because it's got kind of, like, a nice flow...

You know, Flash and I are already writing all these songs for Gigi, and now we're gonna have to write more Ava X songs, and so maybe I'm just thinking, you know, maybe we just slow the process down a little bit, you know?

Johnny? Johnny.

What?

We got it covered.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, see, I love that.

Oh. Come here.

Come here, look at this one.

I love it.

Hey, dude, we've been messing around with some song ideas.

We're actually gonna make a demo at my place later, so...

Oh.

We got it covered.

Look at this.

I love that you've thought about this.

Good. Well, that's, you know...

That's good.

Makes it easier.

Put one here. Bang.

And one here.

Yes!

With the curling iron going like this.

Yeah. Do you think my hair will do that?

I can do that in, like, ten minutes.

What color clothes you want to wear?

I think I'm gonna maybe go with something...

What? No! Not a chance.

He wants to have my children.

Right.

Yeah. Get rid of this thing.

Okay.

Watch this. Like it?

I love it.

♪ Sex and dr*gs and rock and roll ♪
♪ All right ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All right ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die ♪
♪ Anonymous ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪

Not apple pancakes but an actual apple?

You okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Campbell wants me to lose weight.

He says having a stout man around actors who are supposed to be starving to death is demoralizing.

He said stout?

He didn't say...

Yes. Stout.

Thin of body. Stout of mind.

Dude, did you just change your Twitter handle to Hector Jimenez, your real name?

Campbell says Bam Bam is a nickname that has no dignity, it reduces me.

The way you've reduced yourself in your new profile picture?

That's what Hector's going to look like by opening night... Campbell's idea.

He says, "See it. Believe it. And then become it."

Very, very Method.

All right, you know what, dude?

He's not De Niro in his "Raging Bull" days, okay?

And he is nowhere near Daniel Day-Lewis.

That guy stays in character the entire time he's sh**ting a picture.

Campbell is gonna have the whole cast and crew fast for three weeks before opening night so we can feel the famine in our bones.

That's 100 people.

That's like having an army of Daniel Day-De Niros.

Who can barely stand up!

Okay.

Just come back to the fold, man.

Campbell directed and starred in a highly acclaimed movie of "Hamlet" a few years back.

Yesterday at rehearsal, I heard he wants to do the same thing with "Feast," man.

So forget the Obies.

Forget the Tonys.

Me and you, we could be going to the Oscars, bro.

The friggin' Oscars.

I... I want back in, bro.

Yes!

You'll talk to him for me?

You bet your ball sack, I will, buddy.

But you have to fast like the rest of us.

I'm Jewish. Fasting's in my blood.

Okay.

You have to promise to only sh**t me from skinny angles.

♪ ♪

Wow!

Whoo!

Oh, my God, that was awesome.

You were awesome.

Man, you can play that a*.

Thank you.

Hey, can we write an actual song?

Oh, honey, I'd love to, but I only had a couple hours to do this, 'cause I got a songwriting session with Ava.

No, it's... It's fine.

This was so cool.

Hey, you know what?

We could write a song together.

You could be my new songwriting partner if you want.

Really?

Yeah.

Is that okay if we jam for a couple hours?

I don't want us to impose any more than we already have.

No.

No, we'd love to! Please.

Really?

Yes!

You guys are so nice.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ ♪

All right.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, no problem.

You're amazing.

Give me a hug.

Good job.

Hey.

What's, uh... What are we doing?

"What are we doing?"

Yeah, what's...

What's going on with us right now?

What is going on with all of us is my solo thing.

No, no, I know that. I'm just...

You seem sort of preoccupied.

Oh, I'm totally preoccupied, Johnny.

Yeah, I got two new gigs to prepare for, new songs to write with Flash, new outfits to pick out, and I am slammed, and I totally need your support.

I know, and I'm totally into totally supporting your whole total thing, I just...

Okay, so why didn't you say that first?

Because what you're really concerned about is us.

How all of this is affecting our relationship, right?

Honey, honestly, I'm probably 86% totally into your thing and then, like, 14% concerned about us.

I'm just... That's all.

And me and Flash writing together?

That's nothing. That's, like, 5%.

That's more than 100. That's 105.

And that's what I'm... I'm 105% in on this whole...

Okay, listen.

That's how much I'm supporting it.

I... (sighs)

I am so plugged in to my own thing, I can't even begin to process how I feel about anything else, okay?

All I know is that this is the best I have ever felt about me.

The way those audiences reacted to me and the...

The groove I got into with the band, it's like... Ugh, it's exhilarating and scary and mind-blowing and totally freakin' electric.

And it's disappointing to know that my boyfriend doesn't... feel the same way.

I wanted to share this with you, not feel guilty about it.

Let me do your hair.

What?

Look.

I've been watching YouTube videos about how to blow-dry hair and style hair.

No, no, no, I think I can do a better job than Flash, honey.

Seriously.

No, Johnny, no!

(sighs)

You need to hang tight right now, and I need to focus on me.

You need to focus on me.

Stop staring at my hair.

Honey, it's part of my focus.

I'm focused in on your hair.

Your hair is part of you, you know?

Big part of you!

Know what we should do, Johnny Rock?

What?

We should write a song about lupus.

Tenika.

What do you mean, like a ballad?

Like a charity anthem.

Like "We Are the World" or that song "Ronan" that Taylor Swift did or the Christmas one.

But no one ever wrote one of those about lupus.

"Ronan" was good, but a lot of those charity anthems are just kind of, like... I don't know.

They all have that same kind of chord change setup too, you know?

That same vibe.

(soft piano music playing)

♪ In this land of milk and honey ♪

(laughter)

♪ That we call the U.S.A. ♪
♪ There are children who are too sick ♪
♪ To go outside and play ♪
♪ So in that hour of darkness ♪
♪ With a heavy load to bear ♪
♪ Let's all raise a hand ♪
♪ For healing ♪
♪ From the California coastline ♪
♪ To your old Kentucky home ♪

Gigi: "Kentucky home"?

♪ These children can't eat hot dogs ♪
♪ Or have an ice cream cone ♪
♪ They dream of running outside ♪
♪ In the warming summer sun ♪
♪ And it can happen if you listen to this song ♪

Yeah! Here we go.

Yes!

Both: ♪ So raise a hand ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪

Both: ♪ Ooh, that we're feeling ♪
♪ Ah, ah ♪

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Both: ♪ It's a hand ♪
♪ Ah, ah ♪

All: ♪ That understands ♪
♪ That there's a time for reaching out ♪
♪ 'Cause they're just like you and me ♪
♪ So let's all raise a hand ♪
♪ For healing ♪

(laughter)

That was great.

That was awesome!

So good.

That was fantastic.

Good job.

Great.

What's wrong?

I just... I don't know.

I never wrote a song with anyone before.

This was so awesome, and it was funny and sucky in the beginning, but it was also kind of true, but it was so cool.

It's okay. Come here.

You know what? Tell you what.

Any time you want to write a song, you can come back here and... And jam with me.

Okay?

Yeah.

(sniffles)

You all right?

Mm-hmm.

I'm good.

All right. Let's do something else.

Let's do a cover.

(laughs)

You want to do a cover? What do you want to sing?

Sure.

Joni Mitchell.

No, we're not doing Joni Mitchell.

Oh, my God.

(woman moaning)

(both moaning)

That's definitely the last time.

Definitely.

I just... I needed to get it out of my system.

Me too. Closure.

Closure.

That's a good word.

We should, um... work on that song.

Uh, I got nothing for that song.

I mean, I got the music but no lyrics.

You got anything?

Oh, I got somethin'.

Does that mean what I think it means?

Technically, it's still the last time.

(blow-dryer whirs)

Go on. Open it.

Look closely.

That is a blade of grass from the field on my grandfather's farm in Ireland.

It's the same land that's been in my family since before the famine.

I had the grass placed into the cross as a token of reconciliation and friendship.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what to say.

Well, say you'll come back to the show.

Hector wants your singular input.

Listen, Sonny.

Am I... altering your vision?

Yes, but it's still the same powerful story.

It's still the same passion that you gave it.

Siobhan, play "Famine Fields."

Siobhan: Yes, Campbell. Playing "Famine"...

Just do it, for God's sake.

(mellow hip-hop music playing)

There it is.

Now you're talking to me, sweet Jesus, with your pain.

♪ We seek a savior when the savage ocean winds blow ♪
♪ Unprotected in our house with no windows ♪
♪ No hope, no g*ns, no potatoes ♪
♪ Slithering through the dark and ravaged fields ♪
♪ Shivering in the cold and ravaged fields ♪
♪ Delivering our message ♪
♪ The ravaged fields ♪
♪ This is how the famine feels ♪
♪ This is how the famine feels ♪
♪ This is how the famine fields feel ♪

♪ ♪

It's cool.

It's... wow!

I knew you'd be happy, man.

Campbell is so on this, brother.

I'm on it.

I really dig it, man.

Before we talk any more, I want to go into the bathroom and see how this thing looks on me.

Welcome back, brother.

Love.

Life's greatest w*apon, yeah?

Has to be expressed aloud, though, boyos.

Um, Campbell?

You love me, right?

As if you were my sibling.

Why? What... What's the matter?

I don't know, it's just...

You know, you gave me these glasses, which... which I love.

I love these.

And this scarf, which is fantastic.

But you just gave Sonny...

I don't know, it s...

Seems like a more...

I don't know... meaningful gift, you know?

Hector.

Let me... let me color in your mind for a second.

Yeah.

On my family farm in Knockbride, County Cavan, there are now 47 sheep, not to be eaten... To be raised well, till their coats are thick with fleece, and my cousin Seamus, he shears that fleece with his own... with the... The one strong hand.

Yeah?

Yeah.

The wool for your scarf is handspun from that fleece by my cousin Eileen and four of her sisters.

Individually combed and woven by them, and then Eileen picks the most precious product every year, and she sends five chosen scarves, only the five finest scarves, to me to give as gifts to those closest to me.

So that scarf is therefore, I think, priceless.

You all right?

I'm sorry.

No, don't... Don't be sorry.

Hey. It's all right.

Come here.

I understand. I understand.

You deserve, man. You deserve.

I'm sor... I'm gonna go.

Yeah, yeah.

This okay?

I just...

Take a second.

Thank you, Campbell. Oh!

(sighs)

That is really cool, man.

That is really cool.

I wish my family had that kind of living heritage.

I bought that scarf at Neiman Marcus.

The blade of grass, I found in Central Park yesterday while I was out walking with my dog, cr*cker.

Seamus now.

Is there, like... Is there not a family farm?

There probably is.

In (...) Scotland.

"Campbell Scott"?

Oh, my God. You're not even Irish.

Well, that's the great thing about the Method.

As long as this show runs, no one in New York will be as Irish as I...

No one in New York City.

No one in New York City will be as Irish as I.

As I. That's too (...) much.

As I.

(laughs)

Nobody!

♪ ♪

Look at them.

Sycophantic little suck-ups all vying for her attention.

Look at Flash with his stupid snaky smile.

No, it's not snaky.

It's wide and charming.

It's amazing how handsome a guy can look once you don't want to (...) him anymore.

What are you talking about? Did you guys break up?

No, but I planted the seed.

I told him he should start seeing people closer to his own age.

What are you saying that for?

Ava's close to his own age.

Okay, forget about Ava.

He and Ava already had a thing, okay?

He may look happy on the outside, but inside he's still totally obsessing over me.

♪ ♪

See?

Yeah.

My money's on Brook.

He's rich, he's handsome, and, best of all, he's supportive.

You know what?

You say that word to me one more time, I'm gonna puke on one of these $9-million rugs.

What word? Supportive?

I don't want to hear it again.

Supportive.

Not funny.

(slowly) Supportive.

(chuckles) You know what?

This whole g*dd*mn thing is your fault.

You know that, right?

Are you mad?

No, I'm not mad.

You're gonna blame this on me?

Okay, listen, if you hadn't been in such a rush to watch that stupid Ava videotape, we wouldn't have found out about her and Flash, and none of this would've happened, okay?

Oh, my God, you're so insane.

This all happened 'cause you couldn't keep your d*ck in your pants 25 years ago.

Okay, not keeping my d*ck in my pants is how you ended up on planet Earth, little girl.

Oh, thank you so much. Why?

So I could go live on a farm in the middle of g*dd*mn nowhere, Ohio, playing piano with my mom?

Do you know what I would've given to play piano with my dad, to write a song with my dad like you and Tenika did today?

I would've signed up for lupus gladly if it locked me in the house with my music legend father.

That's what you were thinking about while we were writing that song with Tenika?

Oh, my God. So selfish.

Where do you think I got that from?

(sighs) Listen.

Do you think I don't regret not being there for you when you were growing up?

Yes, I do, okay?

But there's nothing I can do about it, all right?

I'd have to invent a time machine and travel back to 1992 and start the whole thing over again, okay?

So you basically have two choices, one, forgiveness, or, two, time machine.

What's it gonna be?

Well, as much as I love that Don Henley song, I think I'm gonna go with time machine.

Speaking of which.

Gigi: Oh, wow.

Johnny: Oh, man.

Ugh.

Look at them all.

So shiny.

Yeah.

This one's from 1992.

If I could go back in time, I'd still have you, but I'd also have one of these and one of these and a Grammy.

He probably has all the Grammys locked up in a vault somewhere.

Yeah, I bet.

These would look pretty cool on our piano.

Yep.

Next to my lupus medication.

Mm.

I want whisky.

I want to drink lots of whisky right now.

You know what?

I noticed a 25-year-old single malt Macallan bottle on that bar back there.

You know what that is?

A very expensive bottle of booze?

Or a very cheap time machine.

I'll be right back.

Hey, you see those guys right there?

Hottest new band in town.

They're like alt-rock surf-pop meets anthem dance-punk disco.

They're total chick magnets too.

I don't know, the problem with guys my age in alt-rock bands is that they all look like they're about to be sh*t for Civil w*r desertion.

What's the band called?

I don't want to tell you.

Tell me.

You're not gonna like it.

Do it.

Spotsylvania.

sh**t them.

And burn their outfits.

They're...

(sighs)

Oh, you got to be sh1tting me!

Honey, it's not like he's gonna miss it.

He's got a ton more up there.

Plus, he's too busy hittin' on my girlfriend.

We're putting it back.

We're not putting it back, honey, okay?

I-I deserve this.

The Heathens deserve this.

Remember when we first met him?

He said, in 1992, we should've won the Best New Artist Grammy?

Well, we would've won one of these too.

And I'll tell you what.

If I had won one of these, I would've given the greatest speech in the history of the MTV awards.

Yeah?

Who would you have thanked?

I'm not gonna thank anybody.

That's the whole thing.

Ah.

That's like that typical bullshit that every band does.

I would've gotten up there and been like, "You know what?

"To all the... The record company executives and all the music industry assholes and all the club owners and everybody else in this business who told me I was never gonna make it, I'd like to say two words...

(...) you."

Shocker.

And then the next day, it would've been all over the papers.

Everybody would've been talking about it.

What, you... you... You would've been gracious?

I would've been lovely.

Oh, yeah.

Let me show you what I would do.

I would start out by thanking my loved ones, my family and my friends.

I would then thank my amazing band, The Assassins.

You guys are my heartbeat when I'm out there.

Mm-hmm.

My amazing boyfriend, Flash, who surrounds me with love and sexy guitar licks.

My surrogate mom, Ava, I love you, I need you.

I couldn't have done this without you.

And last but not least...

(sighs)

My mom.

My real mom, Cat.

'Cause even though we fought and even though I felt like she was smothering me, the truth is, you were just loving me twice as hard.

Because unlike the other little girls out there, I didn't have a real dad.

Thank you, Jesus!

Brook: Hey! What the (...)?

Where do you think you're going with my Moonman?

It was his idea.

No, no.

We... We weren't going anywhere.

We were just, you know...

We were gonna take pictures with it.

Just to, you know... That's all we were gonna do.

We were just gonna take some selfies with it.

(Ezra Furman's "Lousy Connection" playing)

(doo-wop music)

♪ ♪

(groans)

♪ It's late at night ♪
♪ It's time to tell you my secrets ♪